Against our better Judgement
by Miggyrow
Summary: In which a new potential candidate for the position of Chief is introduced and Meredith is being Meredith again, in which Amelia hides a secret, in which Cristina gets a lover, in which Alex gets frustrated, in which Catherine is out of control, in which someone goes into "fan" mode, in which Jackson opens his heart, in which April is faced with the ugly truth. S12AU
1. I wish you were here

S12 Part 1

Against our better judgement

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE** : Set in AU _S_ 12\. Derek is still dead in my universe unfortunately. But I just know I'm not going to be satisfied with what Shonda has in mind. Somehow these days the show just falls short of being great or interesting. So as always I turned to fanfiction to do what the show creators sometimes fail to do. Frankly, I searched fiercely for a certain type of fiction, the ensemble cast type, and when I could not find it, it became frustrating to the point where a plot bunny started messing with my head and I simply decided to write what I actually wanted to read. So this is not a shipping centered story as in it does not follow any ship in particular. I just don't do the one-ship very well. Also, you will see the usual cannon but if I decide mid-writing to go crack pairing I will. Be warned. They may be some continuity problem. Keep an open mind. (english is not my maternal language)

 _Character/Cast used in this story_

 _(I will update this list as it goes)_

 _Dr Meredith Grey Shepherd – Ellen Pompeo_

 _Dr Cristina Yang- Sandra Oh_

 _Dr Alex Karev- Justin Chambers_

 _Dr Jo Wilson- Camilla Luddington_

 _Dr Callie Torres- Sara Ramirez_

 _Dr April Kepner- Sara Drew_

 _Dr Stephanie Edwards- Jerrika Hinton_

 _Dr Maggie Pierce- Kelly McCreary_

 _Dr Catherine Avery- Debbie Allen_

 _Dr Richard Webber-James Pickens, Jr_

 _Dr Jackson Avery-_ Jesse _Williams_

 _Dr Amelia Shepherd-_ _Caterina Scorsone_

 _Dr Warren Fresker- Raul Esparzà_

 _Dr Gabriel Fife_ \- _Michael Patrick Thornton_

 _Dr Kyle Yeahquo- Daniel Henney_

 _Dr Vika Gucic- Noomi Rapace_

 _Dr Shane Ross- Gaius Charles_

 _Dr Erwan Pelletier- Lee Pace_

 _Dr Rudy Metzger- Michael Pitt_

 _Dr Joseph "Jo" Simon Allenbach- Pedro Pascal_

 _Dyshiki "Lloyd" Fresker- Gerard Butler_

-1-

I wish you were here

The receding blue and oranges pushed valiantly against the dark veil of night. The sun floated downwards and crawled behind the horizon cruelly unaware this marked the ending of a long stressful day for one Meredith Grey. In the morning, she did a routine laparoscopy on a sixty-nine-years old yoga and smoothie lover and in the afternoon she had a very unnecessary meeting with Derek's lawyer. The familiar noisy hum of the fridge in the corner of the kitchen gave Meredith Grey a quiet sense of comfort. She leaned heavily on the shabby island that was once covered with Izzie Stevens's amazing guilt-filled cupcakes. Years later, it was now covered with vegetables of various sizes and colors ready to be cut in sophisticated sticks. Meredith paused and tried a broccoli dipped in French vinaigrette. Her face contorted weirdly. She did a good job it seems. It was barely edible.

She turned to her tablet inclined on an artificial slope made of cooking books. Thanks to Facetime, she could share Cristina Yang's mandatory fifteen minutes of lunch, one of the most precious moments of her best friend's existence, while she cooked dinner.

"How's the house? Did Karev, that scrooge, finally invested into a new shower? I dream of Italian marble when I come to visit you guys."

"Marble bathroom and Alex Karev ? Well…How to say this? It does not quite work together."

"Derek was amazing at this. He knew marble tiles better than anyone. We used to have these deep conversations…Meredith. It was always so profound. "

"Yup, my husband is just the most amazing guy in the world."

"He was."

"He was." She corrected absent-mindedly.

"I miss him. I miss all of you guys even George."

"I miss him the most. And Izzie?"

"You know I often reminisced about the days where you, Izzie and I were taking our shower together."

Meredith smiled at the thought of her old roommate. However, she could not quite remember the last time she and Izzie sat down for a chat, or the last time Izzie sent her a Postcard. She was not even sure she knew for Derek. Should she have called? How would such a call go? "Hi, Izzie, it's Meredith. You know your old roommate in Seattle. I'm calling to tell you that Derek... Remember the guy who successfully cut out that massive brain tumor in your head... You know my husband who exchanged his dream wedding for a Post-it one with you and Alex, the guy we used to call McDreamy all the time... Well, he is dead. How are you doing? Do you have kids? I have three now." It wouldn't go too well she thought.

Izzie left them plain cold, she broke Alex, she came back just to be a bitch again. She stepped on their friendship so many times like it had never happened, she could not quite remember why they were friends for a start. Still, she could not help thinking of her as family. You did not always agree with each other, but you were still family. She wondered if she was okay.

"That only happens in one of George's dreams. Book a hotel room, pervert. I have kids here."

"I don't want to waste my ridiculously high salary on a presidential suite. I have principles."

Meredith Grey froze to look at the tablet screen with winking eyes.

"Principles? Really? You want to call it that?"

"What? Someone looks jealous?"

"Yes, owning a hospital is considered poverty these days. I will teach that to my children."

"Only owning part of it should be… And the only thing that stacks on your desk are more bills. No need to flaunt."

" And I was just trying to ignore Derek's lawyer who want us to open the will… Now you tell me I actually need it."

"Yup, you are cash-strapped , you poor thing. Don't lie to the poor kids."

"That hospital is also yours? Stop dissing. It ain't cute."

"Hence this very truthful comment… The management is bad."

"That was your ex-husband."

"Mer… Owen has tons of qualities. He is a good chief of surgery when his head is in the game… When he is present… When he is motivated... I heard he was on another tour last year. Trying to get oneself killed generally means you're not doing better. His head was definitely not in the game. Why is he not doing better by the way?"

"Well, it's not like I was there either. Who am I to judge?"

"See? Sinking boat!"

"Okay, we may need a new chief and some new blood… but we will be fine. The Titanic is not sinking down. It's thriving. Still living in that one bedroom rental?"

Cristina shrugged smugly.

"You know it."

"You're cheaper than Karev."

"It's easier to clean."

"Do you clean?"

"No, but if I wanted to… It's easier to clean. Claire is my messiah. She cleans, she cooks…then she goes home to pick up her grandchildren after school. This life I love."

"She's basically the best woman you've ever had."

"Yup. You can tell Callie. "

"I will. Alex will also be so disappointed."

Cristina smiled mischievously.

"He is still my favorite bitch. Don't tell him! Oh no! Tell him!"

The girls grinned deviously.

" You're really lucky to have her. I'm still searching for my Claire… I have Wendy but it's not the same since as you can see I am cooking or more precisely I am trying to cook. And Alex is not here. He's going to sell me the house back. He bought a rundown loft in that part of town where we never go…with Jo. He's still coming home from time to time to take a shower since his new place is a flipping disaster."

"Who's his Jo?"

"Wilson. You know the intern? She was yours for a time. She is a resident now. "

"Oh, that Jo?!"

"Yup, she is a grown-up now. She owns a shooting gallery in Goble-Evans Street. Real grown-up stuff! "

Meredith winked with mischief.

"You're so mean."

"I know. So who's the Jo? Your Jo?"

"I have a Jo?"

"I have a feeling you do."

"Your feelings are on point, Dr Grey. Jo is someone that makes me see happy stars when I lie on my back."

Meredith laughed hard.

"Really?"

"I swear to god. He is that good."

"Can you send me a picture?"

"I can't."

"Why?"

"You're a widow now. You can easily steal my happy shining stars. I need all of them."

Meredith could not help the tremor in her hand. She bit her lips, still forcing her smile to her face. Cristina's face darkened in turn. She shook her head, ostensibly embarrassed.

"Too early. Sorry! That was dumb. That was such a dumb thing to say!"

"No, I'm good. I'm fine."

"No, you're not fine. You can't be fine, Mer. We are not fine. That was silly of me. Sometimes I pretend nothing bad ever happened to us. You know like we're living the life we're supposed to be living."

"With only happy shining stars? "

"Yes…"

Meredith sighed deeply.

" I think about it all the time. You know the happy shining stars? I see that Post-it because I had to bring it with me here. So I look at it… I see the children. I see Ellis…She's growing up so fast. I can't help it. I think about his arms on me that time. That last time…I think about it all the time. I never did see happy shining stars ever since. And...I honestly don't know if I ever will see them again. You?"

Cristina frowned.

"I'm doing better. Not better. But I'm better than all of you bitches, so that must count for something… It's silly. Thinking about Owen… after all this time… Pointless I might even add. But last time, Claire made me a peach pie. It was delicious. But all I could think of was that it was his favorite. It's probably still his favorite. Probably someone is making him peach pie as we speak…"

"He was dating Amelia for a while."

Cristina froze.

"Huh? Amelia Shepherd?"

Meredith nodded with a grimace of discomfort.

"Since when?"

"It started last year…on and off…way before… you know? It did not work out. That's why I did not tell you sooner. That's why I'm telling you now."

Cristina put her forks down. She licked her lips.

"Well! Why? She's a good Shepherd. The second best. She's twisted like us. She's hardcore. Her last crazy surgery with Dr Hermann was awesome to watch. I had sex on this thing."

"I don't think they were serious. It's over now."

"He's such an idiot. They should make it work."

"Cristina…"

"Of course don't get me wrong, I will always love him Blahblahblah but… He's an idiot. She is baby-friendly, is she not?"

Meredith reluctantly nodded, even though she was really unsure what to answer. Sure Amelia liked children, but Meredith never had that deep a conversation with her. She just knew what Derek told her at one point. She saw their father being murdered at a very young age just like him. She was an ex-addict who once OD'ed in her teens. She lost a anancephalic baby and the love of her life… The list of infortunes goes on...None of those things made her a particularly good candidate in the eyes of Meredith. She knew that type: The damaged type. She'd been one. Cristina had been one. Owen was not her favorite person in the world. But still she wanted the best for him. He did not leave Cristina for even more complicated. That would be unfair. In this case, she'd much rather things go back to normal with them. In which case, she'd get her best friend back at least. Yup, she was selfish like that.

"He could do worse, I tell you."

"Cristina…"

"I'm so going to cry this out later, preferably after a good orgasm."

"I'm going to cry too… probably…"

"Good, I wake you up at six (Seattle hours) just before bedtime for me, just before work for you. It seems a bit unfair. Is it okay for you?

"Well…"

"We will dance it out together."

"We don't have to do that, you know?"

"Oh yes we do! I mean you're still my person. I'm sorry I can't fill that empty spot beside you. I really miss your snores, Mer."

Meredith laughed again.

"I really miss your grunts too. I will be okay though. We will be… And I want a picture of Jo. He is a doctor, right?"

" Am I so predictable?"

"A bit. Cardio?"

Cristina searched through her phone an article on a European medical review written in French. It said that the world-renowned Dr Joseph Simon Allenbach had just led a trial on a mechanical heart transplant with positive results. Every other person would have showed Meredith a candid picture of their new lover, but it seems fitting for Cristina that the most important attributes she asked of her sex partners would be their drive and ambition to be the best surgeon.

"Yes from Switzerland."

"They know how to hold a scalpel over there?"

"He was nominated last year for a Nobel Prize. Can't you read French? No, do you ever read?"

Cristina teased.

"Sorry, my French is a bit rusty." She lied.

She never learned french. In her twenties, she backpacked through Europe with Sadie and enjoy her time there. She had been in France, saw the Eiffel Tower. But mostly she did everything during her trip but learned the language.

"It's hot, right?"

Cristina grinned like the Cheshire cat.

"I'm not even surprised. Married?"

"Divorced. No children. Not interested in long-term commitments."

"He is McYummy."

"I know. I barely know what to do with all that."

"I feel for you. I barely have a social life."

"Then what are you doing tonight? You're cooking. You never cook. Your children know that. They acquired from a very early age much need survival skills."

"Hey!"

"They love you still, Meredith."

" It's not for them. I invited the girls for dinner. It's been a long time since any of us had any social interactions whatsoever. I bet it will be more depressing than watching the reruns of E.R."

Cristina shook her head, clearly dejected. Did she actually watch the reruns of ER or was she just kidding? She could not ask that though.

"What happened to the Grey Sloane Memorial?"

"The on-call rooms are empty all day long."

"You're making me cry. The new batch of interns?

"Ugly ducklings with bad genes. Did I tell you that one of the idiots took the collar on a patient on their first day?"

"007 much."

"The hot one, I think his name is Deluca, he was late on his first day so he pretended to be a fellow. They're pretty much all licensed to kill!"

"There's a hot one?"

"Mildly hot only. "

"Let me guess he had pretty hair."

"He did."

" Pretty hair without a brain to go with it. Shame!"

Meredith nodded.

" April? April Kepner? She must be making necklaces out of flowers. She must be all rainbows and sunshine."

"… Since she lost Samuel… and went all GI Jane in Irak…with Owen in tow… I might add… Not so much. Jackson and her are on a break. She is like Wonderwoman now. She takes no shit from anyone. I know she is in pain. I understand where she's coming from but I can't help liking that version of her. I feel guilty as a result."

"Callie…"

"Ah…Let's not go there. Arizona and her are still sailing in different directions."

"Your new sister? What's her name?"

"Maggie. She's okay. Her parents are divorcing."

"She's celebrating?"

"No, she's not a twisted sister. She's pure like Bambi. She was born in that happy shining place with loving parents that failed to make her understand how life could suck in so many different ways all the time."

"She must have been shocked to be your sister."

"I consider that was a blessing for her. I hope my children will never have to go through what she is going through."

"Not a chance. Their beloved dad is dead. They are already well aware that life sucks."

Meredith took a sharp intake of breath. She forced another fake smile on a face. Cristina was not duped at all but preferred to change the subject.

"I'm relieved."

"So girls night-in…"

" Misery loves company. "

"And the kids?"

"They fell asleep in front of Frozen. It's Zola's favorite. She keeps asking to watch it over and over again. I hate every minute of that movie."

"I liked it."

"You watched Frozen?"

"Last year… with Zola…"

" You watched Frozen? Pardon my skepticism."

"Remember the wake?"

"Yup, barely… Alex could not find you… I think I was barely conscious. I hit the tequila hard that night and Mama Shepherd had to tuck me in."

" I feel guilty for that somehow. I was hiding."

"What?"

" I was so ashamed. I kept crying and that princess Elsa, she kept singing to let it go…and let it go I did. I told Zola that Aunty was on medication and that was our little secret. I'm so sorry. I feel like I was not there for you. But I was so emotional, Mer. I did not want you to see me like this. You know when I'm useless… I was useless."

Meredith leaned closer to the screen.

"It's okay, you're my useless person who likes Frozen and dates a Nobel Prize nominee! Maybe he has a brother who cured cancer? Or better, maybe he will create his own clones so that every woman in the world takes advantage of his greatness? God knows I could use some of that! "

"You're so mean. I will never tell you anything again."

"I'm just jealous. I thought I told you. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, I wish you some awesome gory surgeries and some great sex, Princess Cristina. At least, have fun for the rest of us. "

Cristina let out a deep laugh before disconnecting the call.


	2. Life sucks for those who commit

Disclaimer: Last time I forgot to say that I don't own all the messy characters of Grey's Anatomy. Shonda Rhymes, Shondaland and ABC Network owns Alex's ass.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews!

-2-

Life truly sucks for those who commit

Alex Karev started life with a few shortcomings. Sure, his family was the textbook definition of dysfunctional. He'd been attracting "crazy" chicks on a daily basis for more than ten years. It even came to the point where his terminally ill ex-wife had cheated on him with the ghost of her ex-fiancé. Alex's life positively sucked in every way possible. He got shot three times. He lost his ex-girlfriend to a plane crash. His other ex-girlfriend was in a mental institution. His best friends were another bunch of crazy chicks with issues. You could say he had his basket filled pretty early. But Alex was a survivor and he survived many earthquakes. When life gave him bitter lemons he made awesome lemonade with it. He turned his life around far from Iowa, far from the mental illnesses that plagued his entire family, far from his junkie of a father who abandoned him and far from the love of his life who trampled what was left of his heart as soon as she got another lucky shot at life. Alex worked his ass off to be a better surgeon. He worked his ass off to be a better friend. He worked his ass off to be the best boyfriend a beautiful girl like Jo could ever have. He bought a house. He settled down. He grew roots where he was standing. He was an Attending now. So, this was probably nothing he could not do. Buying a loft. Well, he totally could do that. But why did it have to be this Loft?

"Crap! What a piece of crap!"

From the streets, it looked like any other buildings in the neighborhood, ancient, dusty, and covered in graffiti. The realtor told them that in the seventies there was a famous Italian restaurant on the ground floor and the duplex apartment on the first floor was the home of the owner. But then another owner had the great idea to tear the walls down to transform the famous restaurant in this spacious UFO, this unidentified object of misery. And that person must have quit halfway through, because it's been left in shambles ever since. The realtor even added very enthusiastically that it was the kind of building who would probably get an architecture major excited. Alex thought that he may not have had the memo that they were no architecture major at all, just surgeons who mostly did not have time for lunch and who needed to sleep at night somewhere not contaminated by fungus and mold. Ask Bailey! As far as Alex was concerned, this was close to how he pictured Hell in his mind. That was how he pictured his life if he ever started to walk in his father's footsteps. It was a succession of pointless grayish brown walls with heavy rustic doors that made you dizzy trying to navigate through the space, vintage wallpapers that make you depressed before going to bed, and stinking toilets grabbing your nose in the morning making you ready to vomit your breakfast. One of the walls had bullet holes in it though Jo insisted that they were just plain holes. But he just knew bullet holes when he saw them. He was from Iowa not Minnesota. The Kitchen door also had some bullet holes in it. It could not mean anything good. Every step he made on the broken tiles creaked delightfully in the dim-lit living room. Somehow the kitchen was even more disastrous than any other part of the house and that was saying something. The tap was broken. The air inside was different. Alex could not quite put a finger on it exactly. Last Saturday, he moved all the old cabinets to the garbage dump outside. But the mold smell was still very present. It looked haunted. It smelled haunted. Amityville haunted. He was startled out of his nightmare by the arrival of Jo.

"You need something?"

"Water?" He grunted.

"I thought there were a few bottles left."

"There is not any…"

"Sorry, I knew I forgot something. I will go grocery shopping tomorrow."

"We don't have a fridge."

"No big deal, it's supposed to arrive next week."

"We don't have a kitchen."

He could not really help it. Something in him just snapped. He could not make this work. No amount of positive visualizing could turn this dump into a palace.

"Alex… I know it's not ideal, but we agree to give it a try."

Alex shrugged.

"Whatever I'm going back to work…"

"But you just came back…"

"What do you want me to do? There's nothing to do here! "

He sighed. She inhaled sharply. The oxygen was suddenly quite rare.

"We could order a pizza. We could spend time together. We can start painting the living room. Since we have the landline fixed, we could watch a movie. We could do anything fun for a change. We have options."

"In that part of town… They will never come."

"Is that you giving this a try?"

"Fine, let's order a pizza. I'm going to change."

"What's your problem?"

"I have no problem."

"Oh yes, I'm just imagining this right. You barely ever talk to me anymore. Sex is off the table… We barely see each other at all. When you're not at work, you're at Meredith's."

"That's still my house."

"Only technically… She's your tenant now. What you're doing should be illegal… Argh! Alex!"

"Listen, everything I do these days is never enough. I'm starting to think you're the one with the problem."

Fine, he could admit it to himself. He was not trying too hard. He was no longer even trying. He was just fed up. Fed up with the way she wanted to control every fucking part of his life. Fed up of the fucking poor living arrangements. Fed up of looking at her treating their problems like they were nothing , like they consciously signed for a season of Urban Survivor . After twenty-two days of living like a bum Alex was really not trying anymore.

Jo looked at him, eyes full of tears. He was an asshole because even that could not pacify him. It always came to this. The brunette shook her head, disappointed. All his ex-girlfriend always looked at him with this disappointed expression at some point in their relationship. He thought about it a lot, especially after Izzie, it was probably the very moment where they started to realize, that he was worth nothing , that his ungrateful ass will always find a way to mess things up, that he will disappoint them whatever he did. It was always the sign of the beginning of the end.

"I can't have another argument with you. I can't do that. "

"Then don't!"

She crossed her arms, staring him down.

"You want to be an asshole. Fine! I'm going back to work!"

"Have fun."

Alex stood there probably longer than he should, definitely longer than was necessary, probably looking like a fool, definitely feeling like one. He heard her shutting the door hard on her way out. He remembered feeling suddenly exhausted and hungry. He really did not need this. He could deal with crazy chicks and ghostly boyfriends. But when his first decent girlfriend in a while wanted to buy a house together, he could not help but bail on her. That was so messed up. Alex grabbed his car keys and his coat. Before long, he was standing in front of a familiar door. He did not knock, just put his keys in, and let himself in.

"Hey, do you know the meaning of a girl's night in?" Callie immediately called out.

She was holding a cocktail in one hand and the DVD of a Kate Hudson's movie in another. It had been Izzie's. "How to lose a guy in ten days" or some other crap like that, the strange irony was that it just seemed like the kind of thing Jo would need at this moment. A manual left by his ex-wife to know how to dump his sorry ass in the trash. He was such a jerk.

"Whatever… Mer… Upstairs… Now…"

April and Callie kept stuffing their faces with pizza without blinking. Meredith offered an apologetic look to her guests. She was unsure what brought this mood in Alex all of a sudden. It could not be anything good. Still, she followed him upstairs obediently. They barely made it to the top of the stairs that she decided to break the ice.

"What's wrong?"

"Where's Arizona?"

"She's staying at Callie's, spending time with Sofia."

"Okay…"

He took off his coat and his boots with a sigh. He pushed the door of the master bedroom. Half of his stuff was still in boxes in the dressing room. Did he really try that hard?

"Alex?"

"I can't do this. It's freaking too much! Some peace is that too much to ask?"

On cue, Ellis started crying because just like her grandmother, she hated being disturbed by inferior people with their petty silly superficial problems.

"Sorry, she's not… sleeping very well these days. I did not know you were coming back tonight. "

Alex shrugged and spontaneously picked up Ellis in the crib by her mother's bed before she could wake up her brother and sister.

"It's not that… Her… Mer…"

Meredith grabbed a toy and helplessly pushed it in front of her daughter's face. Ellis could be quite hard-headed when she wanted. Fortunately, it seemed to do the trick after a while. In the arms of Uncle Alex, the little one quieted down almost immediately. It seemed he had some charms left.

"You had a fight with Jo…"

"I was being a total jerk to her… She was right of course! But I freaking hate this place!"

"Then tell her…"

"I can tell she loves it. She's freaking happy over there. It's all Boho fun for her. I'm so freaking miserable all the time. Did you know what the real estate agent called our neighborhood? "Newly gentrified"? Are you kidding me?"

"It will be alright."

"Not a chance. I thought you coming back would be the end of my problems."

Meredith pursued her lips in a mock glare.

"I won't tell Cristina you're turning into a girl."

"I freakin' hate you both."

Meredith snickered only harder.

"Alex, you can stay. You will always be home, here, you know. Do you want me to bring you a plate? I made these horrible nachos that taste like something out of a western movie. I also have little fried chicken wings that you can dip in various sauces. And I got raw vegetables chopped in square… To stay healthy and set good examples for the kids. It comes complete with a homemade French vinaigrette that has a slight English taste, and of course I have pizza and beers, the main course. Wanna join?"

" For Chicks Talk Tuesday ? No Thank you!"

"Don't be snotty! You're miserable. We're just being miserable together. There's no shame in that."

"She's gonna dump me, Mer. »

« I'd dumped you too if I was her. She bought an empty haunted building for you."

"That's not comforting."

"It's Miserable Tuesday. I never said we comforted anybody. Life sucks. Get over it on your own."

"Did you Facetime with Cristina again?"

Meredith nodded with a mischievous wink.

"She boosted my dark inner batteries."

"No kidding."

"She's met someone, should I tell Owen?"

"You should stay out of this."

"But he is not dating Amelia… maybe…"

"There is no maybe… There is just you having "Misery loves Company" parties!"

"What? I told her about them. Was it a mistake?"

Alex sighed.

"You said there was beer at your party?"

"Yup."

"I need some."


	3. The hassle of Youth

**Disclaimer** : Same old. Same old. I don't own shit. I understand I can't make money out of this. I respect the work put in by Shonda Rhymes and all the good folks involved in the process of creation of these characters.

 **A/N** : Thanks for the reviews as always. Hey, **Patsy** , I actually have the same reservation as you concerning the dream house. It will be addressed in the next chapters. I don't know what Meredith will decide yet but it's not the clean cut we seemingly saw in the last episode.

-3-

The Hassle of Youth

Josephine Wilson was already drained of all natural essences of youth when she entered the resident locker room. She was relieved to see Stephanie studying in one of the couch, her legs hanging on its arm. Tonight had just been a succession of one failure after the other. Earlier, she was in surgery with Amelia and they lost a patient. Then she had this massive fight with Alex over the house she bought for him in a gesture of love and she could admit it now in a moment of temporary insanity. Life was too cruel for the young and the brave. She just needed someone to vent to. Who could be a better choice than the best listener in the world, her friend Stephanie?

"What's wrong? I thought you were not on call."

"Alex is a jerk."

"Oh, nothing new then!"

Stephanie said, her eyes never leaving the screen of her tablet. Okay, maybe not the best listener. Jo changed quickly in her scrubs.

"I just can't do this anymore."

"I know."

"And you?"

"I'm hiding."

"From?"

"Life. Catherine Avery. My ducklings."

Well, Jo frowned. She could do nothing against Life. But Catherine Avery, why not? She did not seem so intimidating since her wedding with Chief Webber.

"Catherine Avery?"

"She paged me."

"And?"

Stephanie flashed her an annoyed glare. Jo raised her hands in an apology. She failed to see how Catherine's paging could be a problem for Stephanie.

"She only remembers I exist when Jackson need a rebound. Jackson and April separated but I don't want nothing to do with them. Nope, I don't need any Avery drama."

"And your ducklings?"

"My interns… They are brain dead idiots."

"You want to talk about it."

" Nope."

"Stephanie…"

Stephanie sighed.

" Shepherd is shutting me out again. She is too busy being a superhero to be my teacher."

"She is more of a supervillain these days, trust me. Her patients kept dying. Annoying."

" Nothing new. She insists on taking the hopeless cases."

Jo shrugged and shut down her locker with one shoulder. Stephanie nodded absent-mindedly. Jo frowned slightly. Stephanie was wearing her glasses and her hair was gathered in a messy ponytail. She looked like... She looked like Stephanie.

"You're in your dweeb clothes. Why are you in your dweeb disguise?"

" You just noticed? I resigned from life a week ago."

"Really?"

She nodded.

"What are you reading? A case?"

"A medical mystery..."

"What is that?"

"You know it's a strange medical case, doctors can or cannot not explain and…"

"I got it. You've invested back in the dork culture."

"Laugh all you want but these stuffs are written by great surgeons. Since no one in this stupid teaching hospital actually wants to teach. I'm left to my own device."

"You don't want to teach yourself."

"Whose side are you on again?"

" Let's change subject."

"Fine."

" Back to Alex! So I thought I had better things to do than spend the night arguing with him again. It will be what, the third time this week? I'm going to the pit. See if I can be useful!"

"Did you not log all your hours for today?"

"I will ask for a bit of latitude, your honor. I just need a couple of hours in the pit to just get this out of my mind. "

"You guys should have sex and get over whatever differences you have."

"I know. He is never in the mood. Why life sucks so much when you think you got it all together?"

"Can't answer that. Never been in that situation. Life sucks all the time for me. " Stephanie muttered.

The door opened and Catherine Avery came in. Startled, Stephanie almost dropped her tablets on the floor while she got up briskly.

"Wilson? Edwards?" She greeted abruptly.

"Hi! Doctor Avery…"

She looked at Jo sharply, then frowned.

"Hi! Doctor Avery… Avery-Webber."

She smiled in Stephanie's direction.

"Are you two on call? I only saw two names on the board and one of them was not yours Wilson."

"No, madam, just me. I'm on a 22 hour-shift."

"I'm just trying to help… and learn. I 'm trying to learn things."

"Just don't kill any patient."

"Will do, madam. I mean… will not do."

Catherine dismissed her with a nod. Wilson left just as quickly.

" I need someone to do me a favor. Are you on a major case, Edwards? I think I saw your interns wandering the hallways aimlessly."

"They are? Well… It's because… Well, I'm not on a major case. There is no emergency surgical case anyway, as of now."

"Great news! See, I'm going home for tonight with Chief Webber. But tomorrow first hours I will need someone to assist me and Chief Webber in a very delicate matter. It is a sensitive information in nature, so I will ask that it stayed between us. You see I have a very important guest, one who can definitely change things around here… and I need an experienced doctor, a promising one to show him around and just be there for him.

Stephanie's smile was crisp and quite unnatural. It sounded like a trap. It smelled like a trap. Catherine smiled back at her and touched her arm softly. It was definitely a trap.

"Of course… I will gladly help in any way I can."

"I thought so. You are so wonderful, Stephanie."

She handed her a file.

"This is just a few things I think you need to know about him. The last pages are a few notes and observations by me. I hope it will be very helpful. This is a couple of things you are not allowed to tell our guest under any circumstances. Use only positive vocabulary. He is a keen observer. He will notice immediately if you're anxious. I hope you don't have sweaty hands. He is also very particular about that. We don't want that, you see. We want to show him a good time. "

"I understand. I think I can handle it."

Catherine nodded contentedly.

"I am counting on you. There will be a reward for you at the end of all this. "

It was Stephanie's turn to smile wide.

"I thank you for the trust you have in me."

Chief Webber's wife was almost by the door when she spun around.

"Edwards, don't sleep with the man."

Edwards stood speechless. She looked at the file in her hands.

Jo pushed the elevator's command anxiously.

"Dr Wilson, can we follow you tonight and help?

One of Stephanie's interns asked her. Jo remembered she was the chatty one, the one who interrupted Webber. She decided to tease them anyway.

"Who are you?"

"Interns."

"I can see that… But whose exactly?"

"Dr Edwards…"

"See, not my problem…"

She turned to leave. Shaw exploded then.

"But we have nothing to do… She said to just… wait for her… It's been hours. She said not to do or touch anything but we will never learn anything like this. "

" Okay your name…"

"Dr Wilson, we made rounds with you yesterday."

Jo gave her an impatient look.

"I'm Shaw. This is Douglas and Abernathy. " She pointed at a dark-haired boy and a blonde.

" Follow me… but don't do anything stupid. I have no patience for jerk behavior tonight."

They all got into the elevator. As the door was closing, one hand blocked the door.

" Sorry, I just… I'm with you."

" Great, the liar. What did I say about jerk moves?"

"I'm Andrew Deluca." He held out a hand in front of him amiably. Jo frowned angrily.

" Shut up and get in."

Amelia was covering the pit even though Owen was the attending on call. He was currently working on a trauma, a victim of a car crash. There was no other surgical case and she simply did not feel like going home. Which home anyway? She did not have anything like that anymore. Not since Derek passed on. Not since it became Meredith's home. It's not like Meredith and Amelia had been best buddies before that. Meredith had her own crew, members of her own fan club. She just did not feel like tagging along. Grabbing her own neck, she felt a soreness spread in her back. She spent so much time on her last patient for no results. She had been his last hope anyway. So it's not like her lack of competences killed him or whatever. He was dying. She was his last hope. She just was not Derek's level… yet. Was that it?

" Hey, still here?"

Owen stopped next to her as he filled a chart for his patient.

"Your patient?"

"In ICU, I managed to stop the bleeding. It was not too severe. He is stable."

Amelia nodded. Of course he managed to save his patient. Owen was a skilled surgeon, a passionate one, one meticulous to a fault. He did not quit when the case, simply got impossible to solve. He did the impossible because he never forgot the patient was someone's family. If only… If only Derek had the same kind of luck his patient had...

Owen looked at her with a smile.

"You looked exhausted? Rough day?"

Exhausted? No. Aged? Yes. She felt a hundred years older. She simply nodded as he laid his hand on her back, moving it in slow circles.

"See if an on call room is free."

She appreciated that he did not immediately suggest that she go home. An air of comprehension passed between them. It seemed like she understood that she had nowhere to go.

"Owen."

"Go rest, you deserve it."

His voice was so warm. She grabbed his hand before it could go anywhere else… before he could take it back. He seemed surprised. Amelia let go. They could never be anything for each other. She reminded herself. She watched his hand freeze on her shoulder for a minute before it retreated in his coat's pocket.

"You're right… as always."

She made her way slowly out of the pit. Crossing paths with Jo and her little group of students, she waited patiently until they vacated the elevator.

"That's Brain Killer." Shaw whispered in Douglas's ears.

Jo flashed Shaw her death glare. But unaware they could be heard, these two just kept talking.

"Harsh. Why they call her that?" Douglas asked.

"It's self-explanatory."

Shaw finally looked up first in time to face Amelia. Amelia snickered condescendingly.

"I'm surprised you guys learned the definition of words like self-explanatory. Did you teach them, Wilson?"

"Not mine, they're Edwards."

"Wake me up when you or Edwards make little surgeons out of them?"

"Don't wait for it." Wilson answered.

"Dr Wilson? Dr Wilson? Here?"

Amelia and Jo spun around at the same time to see Deluca alias "Mildly hot" holding up an older woman who was vomiting blood on the floor. Amelia smiled as she entered the elevator.

"There may be hope yet." Amelia said as Jo nodded.

Their eyes sparkled with interests as Deluca swiftly lifted the woman and carried her to a gurney.

"Hope. That's it. See, that's a future something. Take a good look, you two. You want to look like him. Where's blondie one?"


	4. The sisterhood

Disclaimer: Last time I forgot to say that I don't own all the messy characters of Grey's Anatomy. Shonda Rhymes, Shondaland and ABC Network owns Alex's ass.

 **A/N** : Thanks for the reviews ! **To Ellen** , though my favorite character is really Cristina, I'm one of those people who really appreciated Meredith for her qualities as much as her flaws. For the friendships she made... The things she said unapologetically... She could be proud, sluttish, snotty, cold, warm. A bitch! She could be a bully and she could be very compassionate with her friends. There are truly sides of her i still found fascinating. It's true that she did a lot of growing up being with Derek. She started a family and stuff. By the way I like MerDer but I was not sad to see Derek go. He was a bit a cardboard character in the last season, going to DC, not cheating, swearing his love for his family then going back to DC to go back and swear his love for meredith again. I was expected his death since earlier this season because of all the foreshadowing like the season 5 premiere parrallels. If the show was on to another season he needed to go. I don't know if I would have picked death because it sounds a bit cheap and easy. But, I am not that sad about this one. Best major character death in a long time was Will Gardner from the Good Wife. His death was quite spectaculary in its raw sincerity. I think shonda tried to do that her way but was not as patient as the kings, the good wife creators whose character's transition was better done. I was expecting a lot from "She's leaving home." ,it was two-hours of nothing. Maybe that was the point. We did not get to see her grieve. Though i knew she was pregnant, heavy foreshadowing again, I did not feel involved. It felt out of character that even cristina did not know where she was. It felt just like a long music video. For me, The show of late lacked an incentive, a really good intrigue to make it last. It needs some new conflicts and a cast that makes you care like in the beginning, going to the backstories... ( don't know if i will even succeed at that myself) For me it needs to go back to its roots. Though I don't think Meredith will be out every night, having sex with strangers, i think she need a time to be in between, to mourn the loss of her partner, to mourn the loss of her own identity. I can't say how it will affect her in my story. You will see and tell me what you think. Since Season 8-9 we saw her struggle to be the wife of derek shepherd, and find her spark, find her balance, I think that I want to keep that struggle going, so that Derek is properly mourned. That's my insight on this...

 **To Patsy** \- Thanks for your support! It means a lot.

-4-

The sisterhood of the dirty hospital scrubs

Maggie Pierce knew she was quite late when she knocked on her sister's door. She took another quick look at her watch as she waited for the door to open. Fumbling with the sleeve of her cardigan, she worried over what to say in order to apologize… over what to not say… She was late and it did not sit well with her. When Meredith invited her to a little get-together after work this morning she'd been absolutely ecstatic at the simple prospect of getting out of her apartment. Then a bunch of things happened… and it was almost impossible to leave the apartment.

Don't get it wrong! She loves that place. Although it was far less exceptional than she thought it was when she visited it the first time. It had an awesome view of the marina and city skyline by night. However she'd been told by the real estate agent that it was a very peaceful neighborhood when in fact there were five restaurants and a bar that seemed open 24/7 just in her streets. Finding a place to park was always a pain in the ass. Her underground parking lot was closed since the inundations from the last Super storm. So circling the block at least twice to find a parking spot was mandatory.

But her flat was nice and cozy. It had one bedroom and another room she vowed to transform into a study of some sorts someday. She could see herself paint, write in it, do a few DIY projects, just do something really artistic with it on weekends. When she came to live in Seattle almost a year ago, she was convinced she'd be in dangerous need of some kind of hobby to pass the time. But these past few months she had had no free time to speak of. In between secrets, reveals, terrible dates, traumas, deaths and wedding, she never had a moment to herself. She never even had time to work on her artistic side, to even see if she had any. She was just busy getting in the pace of the Grey-Sloane Memorial. She went for coffee with Amelia. She went shopping a couple of times with Callie and Sofia. She had dinner with Richard once. She spent thanksgivings with Alex and Jackson. There was Christmas too they did something in Alex's house. In between those events, she went out a few times with Alex, mostly for drinks at the Emerald bar. He had been a rock in tumultuous time. He had been amazingly kind to her. He took her under his wings when Meredith just left abruptly. Amelia… was… Amelia was just a ticking bomb waiting to pop really. Maggie was almost scared of her certain days. She could not really blame Amanda. There was no pressure she knew like losing someone close. It was not even like she knew anything about it. Even her adoptive grandparents were still alive on both sides. So it was not like she had a lot of experience with these things. She just imagined it would be the most painful. In fact, she just did not know what to say to Amelia. They were friends but she did not know much about her. Furthermore she could not talk to her or ask the question that matter to her. She could not ask about Meredith's grief for example, about its unusual form. Meredith and Amelia seemed at odds for a few months now. It seemed like they never like each other a lot to begin with. So well, talking about that and Derek's death was off-limit even though it was so important.

Alex was different. She actually found his presence quite soothing. He was Meredith's best friend, quite reliable and self-sufficient. They would simply sit over a drink and say nothing. Or sometimes Alex would say something about her… About them when they were just interns... It would be the start of a conversation. He would try to explain to her the complexities that made Meredith Grey, well Meredith Grey. It was easy to admit now that she appreciated this time without a sister. She needed it. It was not like this relationship with Meredith started off right from the start. It was even messy at times. She still recalls in shame accusing Meredith of cheating on her husband. Talk about prejudices! That was why she was unsure she could have helped Meredith in that moment her life completely went to hell. Maggie had just met Derek. All she could say was how amazing a brother-in-law he had been for the short time they've known each other! How he made her feel part of his family instantly! How he tried to help her mend the relationship with Meredith! How cute Meredith and him looked together! How she totally could believe he died saving people! How awful and unfair it was that he had to go that way?! What else could she say?

Nothing.

Someday she woke up feeling ten years younger and someday she woke feeling ten years older. The time she spent with Meredith's friend was like pledge time in a sorority. It was not always easy. But at the end, it felt necessary. Like a pledge she accomplished various tasks allowing her to get slowly more involved in the inner circle.

Like that time Alex called her because he got so drunk and trashed over that thanksgiving phone call with Meredith he did not find his car keys and needed a ride home from the Emerald city bar. She had tried to call Jo. But she was in surgery with Torres and could not leave. So she took him home and fed him macaroni and cheese, the only recipe she ever mastered. Then he basically emptied his heart to her… He told her how he felt responsible for Meredith's disappearance because Cristina, as in Dr Yang, Meredith's best friend, had left him in charge. How dare she left him in charge knowing how messed up he was?! He screamed at her. She remembered nodding in indignation with him though she did not understand anything at the time. He told her they were two of the most self-centered people walking this earth, Meredith and Cristina. That she could easily believe him. The twisted sisters, he called them as he munched on his third bowl of mac and cheese. Then he sobbed. They were like the sisters he'd never asked for. They were his only family and they were gone and that was unacceptable. She remembered wanting to cry for no reasons as it resonated deep within her. She remembered asking herself what happened to him. Then he kept talking through the nights, telling her things he had not told Jo because she hated Meredith, the fact that he felt abandoned by Meredith, the fact that he felt grief too over Derek's death, the fact that he had nightmares about it. He talked to her about Izzie, his ex-wife… and Ava…a patient he dated and how both had left his heart a no man's land. She just listened even when he was just snoring and then she went home.

Somehow it helped her gain a better understanding of Meredith. Certainly she did not understand the person who just left with her kids in the middle of the night. She did not understand the person who would never give her own best friends any updates on her whereabouts or welfare, letting them worry for months without a care. That Meredith, so cold and abrasive and selfish, well she still had trouble with. But the Meredith who supported her friends and created this family of sort, she was in awe with. She read her mother's journal, she knew more about Ellis and she realized it must not have been easy to walk in the shoes of one Meredith Grey.

Before Seattle, Maggie was never late. In her childhood, her parents always made sure to drop her early to any events, be it social or school related, in the hopes she will hold onto this habit growing up. They strongly believed that being early open the doors for success, they were conformists and traditionalists, and Maggie, being the golden child that she was, vowed to never be late as to not disappoint them. Well, it worked. She managed to become a surgeon who got sidetracked by a chest MRI on a last minute trauma, got stuck in the traffic jam, took an awful amount of time deciding what to wear, and subsequently got late.

The last thing was silly in itself really since she was not meeting with anyone new. It was just a little gathering between friends after work. It was nothing fancy. Her sister had just invited her for a drink. How cool was that? That she had a sister now. She was getting used to it. Having a sister had a nice ring to it. Meredith was not very fancy. Despite the first impression she had of her in the beginning, she was a pretty down to earth person, incredibly strong and secure as a person. Those sides of her made her quite endearing.

And Meredith had her own people, people who really care for her, people who would do anything for her. She never had people like that. Sure her parents love her. She had colleagues and a few friends in college and med school, science nerds like her. Her best friend, Dorothy, suffers acute agoraphobia and never leaves her condo in Downtown Boston as a result. She was an IT Tech now. Her other best friend Beth she met in Harvard Medical school had left the program half way through realizing she hated the sight of a trauma and the pressure that comes with every intervention. She turned to research but then when that did not work out she took a teaching position in a high school. She married a dentist. They had a kid last year. They were mostly uneventful people and nothing bad ever happen to them fortunately. Only once she had to consult on Beth's grandma's case. After a brief clash with her old cardiologist, she took her grandma to surgery and now she was living a happy life in a retired home in the countryside.

What happened to Meredith in the span of fifteen years or so that was crazy!? That was the sort of things you only see on TV. To think she had a sister with a life like that… It was quite a dizzying thought. And Ellis… Ellis was a two-time Harper Avery recipient who had an affair with a black married man at a time when she'd risk everything by doing so. Was Ellis like Meredith? More precisely did Meredith take after her? Even more precisely did Maggie take after her biological mother? For her adoptive parents, she was a prodigy. In the world of the Greys, she was pretty boring. She didn't quite know what to do about that.

As she was grabbing her car keys, a ringtone echoed in the silent apartment and she was for a moment tempted to leave it that way since she knew that ringtone well.

"Hello Mom."

"You don't answer any of my calls, Margareth. What is wrong with you? Do you know how worried I am?"

"I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, Mom."

"I know that but that does not mean I will stop worrying."

"You don't get to do that. I am an adult now. You can speak to me as a grown woman."

"Don't be ridiculous, sweetie! You're angry. I get it, Margareth. You went on this search for your biological family and you did not tell us anything. It was not easy for you."

"It's not that."

"What is it then?"

"You're divorcing Dad!"

"Your dad is divorcing me! It's not the other way around."

"You cheated on him for eleven years. With the mechanic… I used to call him Uncle Allen."

"You cannot understand this. It's more complicated than you think."

"Why ? Because I am supposed to be perfect?! I have a flash for you I am not perfect, Mom!"

"What are you saying? Of course you are! You are our perfect little gift! And despite our differences, your father and I we love you so much! We are so proud of you!"

"It's not about that."

"Then what is it?"

"You're not listening to me. You're doing what you want… like always…what is good for you. That's not fair."

"I know it is going to be hard for you but we can get through this…together… as a family."

"Stop it! There is no family!"

"Maggie, come on!"

"Stop! Just stop! You know I don't have a problem! My life is fine. You get to do whatever you want. That is your marriage, not mine! If you want to give up on it, fine! That's on you! Stop making it about me!"

"But it is also about you! We want to make sure you know how much we love you and nothing will change that."

"But everything has changed. You and father are not together anymore. My biological mother died of Alzheimer and she was an amazing surgeon. My biological father who's still a perfect stranger to me just got married. I discovered I had a sister and she just lost her husband. Things changed. Life is truly messed up, Mom. I am not perfect. Ok?"

"OK! I can come see you. We can talk this through. I can meet your sister."

"Oh no! I certainly don't need this!"

"But I want to be part of your life! I made a mistake but I don't want it to affect our relationship. I'm free two weeks from now. That's it! Maggie Baby, I will make reservations tomorrow. I will come… We can spend the weekend together. We can have so much fun like we used to. We can fixed this!"

"I don't want you to come, Mom! I don't want to talk to you! I am so angry at you for doing this to us!"

"Maggie!"

"I can't deal with you…right now. Please, next time I will call you back!"

That was it. When she looked at the clock, it was already way past ten. She was late.

"Am I late?"

She asked again, holding a bottle of whisky with both hands as a peace offering. She found it in an unopened box in the kitchen. It was an expensive bottle but she did not drink that much. She never acquired much of a taste for whisky. Someone gave it to her after a particularly difficult surgery. She did not remember who exactly and it really did not matter right now. She just did not feel like coming empty-handed. Callie gladly took the gift and filled her empty glass with it. She put the bottle back on the table, knocking it hard.

"No, Amelia won't even make it. She had an emergency. "

"I'm sorry. I'm never late usually."

"You're not late! Come and sit down."

April said strangely annoyed by someone else's goofiness. She held her empty glass in front of Callie, waiting for a refill with the sacred liquid. It came at the right time since she was quite tired of beers. Callie went to find some ice in the kitchen and came back in addition with a bottle of diet coke.

"My mom. She was on the phone threatening to come to Seattle to see me."

"That's nice." Callie said.

"I said threatening. That's not cool at all."

Callie shook her head.

"All parents do this…"

"No, I'm sure they don't."

"My father loves to drop everything important just to come by and rock my world with parental advising. Last time, I think he brought our priest and the bible."

"Oh! My mom… Jackson's mom… They're always just trying to help. They never succeed. Now I'm without a husband and they're still trying to help!"

April moaned in frustration.

"Okay."

Maggie dropped her bag on the floor and sat on the sofa. Callie got her a nice glass of whisky. She frowned. She probably needed soda to go with all that but there was no soda in plain view and the host was nowhere in sight. She bit her lips nervously. She could see the disaster coming.

"The sweetest must have been George's parents. They were truly awesome people. You'd like them!"

April nodded.

"Too bad I never met them."

"His mother was a sweetheart. His dad had the patience of a saint. He was so funny too. Poor woman! She was truly adorable! I still send her cards and flowers from time to time."

"George?" Maggie asked taking a sip of whisky.

"My first husband… George."

"Oh!"

"We all worked together. It was like a big giant…"

"Family? Yes…Yes…" Maggie ventured.

"I was going for soap-opera but whatever works for you."

"That's… I think you told me about him. Where is he now? I mean you're divorced right? "

"Yes, we are but he is dead."

"Oh no, of course I knew… You told me he died in the plane crash…I'm so stupid. So many people died there. It's so sad."

"No that was Sofia's father, my best friend, Dr Marc Sloane. No, George… O'Malley, my first spouse, was a resident when he got hit by a bus trying to save a stranger's life."

"O-k…"

Maggie's face crunched up in deep concentration. Callie started to laugh harder.

"I know it sounds awful. It was awful! Truly awful! Listen Maggie, this hospital… I don't know how to say this… a lot of people died for this hospital…in this hospital… There was a shooting. There was a bombing… and a plane crash…A storm… I know it does not make much sense."

"Even when you live through it all, it does not make much sense. Nope! " April added, sipping on her glass. I think there was a car that crashed the ER at one point…And a big lion mauled a patient!"

"Oh yes, I forgot about that. That was crazy. What I mean to say, Maggie, is… I guess that now that we've got you on a contract, you're Meredith's sister and all that, you're officially one of us and we can now truly paint a different picture than the one in the initial brochure. We lost a lot of friends and colleagues… A lot of people left too… It's just life I guess… But we also save many lives! Those lives are the most important! Welcome to Grey-Sloane Memorial!"

April and Callie raised their glasses in mock solemnity. Maggie nodded.

"Thank you! I'm very touched. "

It was the moment Alex and Meredith choose to reappear.

"What did we miss?"

"I was inducted into the secret society…of the Grey-Sloane Memorial."

"Oh it's okay! No induction is complete until you have sex with Alex!" Meredith joked.

They laughed. Maggie almost spilled her whisky on April who could not suppress her laughter.

"What?"

"What are you talking about, you crazy bitches?! "

"We were talking about that time where you infected all the hospital with Syphilis."

"Oh I did not know about this one… That's just great!" April said.

"Sweet time, that was. Oh to be young again! "

"You even gave it to George! You devil! "

"He did what? Your first husband George? "

"Hey, nothing happened all right! We just banged the same chick. It was an honest mistake."

Maggie was wide-eyed with horror.

"That's just nasty! "

"That's Alex for you!" Meredith concluded.

Callie nodded with a grimace.

"Ew…McNasty…"

"Excuse me I recall someone boning Marc Sloane so hard they broke his penis!

Callie shrugged.

"That was not me that was a Grey, Meredith's sister."

"That was Lexie, Alex! Your ex-girlfriend Lexie! Did she ever break yours?"

"Ha! Ha! Very funny! Nevermind I recall stuff on both of you. Even you April?"

"Me?"

April played the innocent card. But Alex was having none of it.

"Someone got awfully excited and tried to rape me."

" That's not what happened! You were such a jerk about it."

"Aren't you glad I was not your first?"

"There's a story there I can tell." Maggie chimed in, laughing.

"Give me that bottle of whisky, Callie."

"You pissed off a lot of people, Karev. The nurses hated you at some point." Callie said.

Alex crawled on the floor next to Meredith. Maggie searched his face in vain but he gave no signs of outrage. It was like the picture they just painted of him was true to life. Maggie turned to Meredith.

"To be fair, they hated Mark even more. They did go on strike on his behalf."

"What's your most embarrassing memory, Mer? "

"Having my frilly underwear pinned on the board comes to mind. You Callie?"

"Having Weber discovering I lived in the basement of the Seattle Grace Memorial."

"I wished I'd seen his face."

"It was priceless. You know I hated you back then."

"I don't get why, really? I was generally awesome. "

Meredith said.

" You were a Grey…and a pint-sized bully."

And Meredith snickered at that.

"You wanted to beat me up."

"I did."

"I would not have stand a chance. Ask Cristina?."

" Everything always looked so easy to you back to the Merger." April said.

"That's not true!"

"You dated McDreamy!"

"You were married to McDreamy!" Callie and April said at the same time.

"McDreamy?"

"That was Derek's nickname. He was married when I first met him. He was an attending...with perfect hair. I was just an intern. It was supposed to be a one night-stand."

" How…"

"You can say it Maggie! How slutty of her!" April said.

"No, I was going for… how Hot… Dreamy… Romantic was that! You had an affair with a married man but somehow he chose you. You got married! You loved each other very much till the…very end. That's so… Romantic," Maggie started fascinated. "Please tell me, there was no children involved right?"

Meredith forced a smile on her lips.

"Yes. No. No children. Well if that could help, his wife at that time, Addison, had cheated on him too with his best friend, Mark Sloane."

"Your Mark Sloane?"

"Yes. However it's fair to say, Mark alias Mcsteamy was pretty much everybody's Mark Sloane. If you'd seen the man, you'd understand. "

"And Addison Montgomery ? Is it the ob-Gyn. She is very good in her field. I read articles about her."

"She is. I think she was there for the funeral. We talked a little bit yet I can't remember what was said. You probably saw her too, Callie."

"She's remarried now, Mer. Her new husband is the definition of "sizzling hot". She also has a cute baby boy. "

"What's his name? "

"The boy?"

"The cute husband!" April retorted back.

"I love you new April!" Meredith said while sipping on her glass of whisky.

Alex was eating a pizza all by himself. It was quite entertaining to say the least. Chicks getting hot over hypothetical cheating assholes!

"Jake. O'Reilly."

Meredith searched via her phone.

"I found him on Linkedin. Google…There's no picture. No articles published. He sucks."

"He doesn't suck." April retorted.

"He sucks!" Callie nodded.

"April, admit it. No articles mean he's probably not that good a doctor!"

"Jackson never published a lot. He is a great surgeon!"

"Well, it's also true that the best surgeons published more." Maggie concluded.

April stood up in outrage. But it probably had more to do with what was in her glass.

"Did you see the pictures of my husband in the hospital brochures? He is so pretty it hurts! Literally hurts! Did you see him shirtless?! And his eyes…And he does not need to publish. He is an Avery. He was born perfect!"

"I hate new April!" Callie muttered. "She had to remind us of what she goes home to… The abs… The eyes… I hate you."

April grinned smugly.

"Was Dean hot?" Meredith asked.

"Well, I hated that he wanted to sleep with his socks sometimes. I guess he was not unpleasant. Sometimes he was even sexy."

"The guy slept with his socks. What a moron !"

"Don't listen to Alex! Answer the question truthfully! Was he hot or not?" Meredith repeated.

"I can't say. Alex is right. He was quite nerdy like me."

Alex grabbed another pizza box. He shook his head.

"You're not nerdy. You're a Grey. You're smart. You're demanding. You just need "hot"."

She smiled, her face a bit flushed. No one had ever put it that way and it almost sounded like a compliment. This time, it was April who did the searching on her phone.

"Dean Pickens."

"Picture time! Tadaaa… Oh the man is…But he is… an insurance broker? Really?"

April made a grimace.

" He makes a good living at his job."

"Sure. Sure. He is yum…Where his ancestors come from? I think naked, there should be something there. You did say that he kept his socks all the time. Did he have long limbs? Impressive bone structure?

"That sounds so dirty coming from you." April laughed.

" What can I say? I like people. He is people!"

"Callie! "

"I don't discriminate."

"He is mixed. His mother was Korean. His father was Jamaican. He had very long feet."

"That was not the only thing of incredible size on him, right? You can confirm my diagnosis. We're between doctors."

Maggie laughed.

"You let him make babies with that other woman. What a waste! That was a waste of some good genes."

Alex grabbed the phone.

"Mer, you're kidding right? The guy is just there… Blerg…I bet he is boring. He probably does not understand a word with more than two syllables."

"That's mean, Alex!"

Meredith threw her arms over Alex.

"Don't listen to McNasty. This one is quite Mctasty!"

"McTasty? What is… that?"

"Yes, we should invite him here! He'd like it in Seattle. There are plenty risks to be insured." Meredith slurred.

"But he is married!"

"We don't care !" Callie said.

"We're sluts!" April finished.

"I think I want my head to be smashed right now. " Alex added.

"Correction. I love the new April. You're hot."

"Thank you, Callie." she muttered licking her lips. "You're hot too. Can I have another glass of whisky? It tastes so good. What is this thing? McCutcheon?"

Maggie just shrugged, unable to suppress her laughter. She rolled on the floor in front of a very surprised Meredith and hilarity ensued.


	5. A party of two

Disclaimer: I don't own all the characters of Grey's Anatomy. Shonda Rhymes, Shondaland and ABC Network do.

Thanks for the reviews! To **Stoneromy** , Thanks for your review it made my day. I am wondering the same I'm not sure Maggie is prepared for the twisted sister show. I'm secretly thinking she is not ready. But I hope it will happen sooner than later.

-5-

A party of two

At five o'clock in the morning, the sun itself showed no signs that it wanted to be out of bed. It was still dark outside and quiet in the Grey House. Call it the McCutcheon effect or not, at some point or another, they'd all fallen asleep there. The ground was littered with the potato chips April had thrown at Alex for mocking her old virgin self. A stack of empty beer cans and soda stood proudly in front of the chimney. The bottle of McCutcheon was lying empty on top of a pile of pizza box. April was the first to get up. It was the eerily silence that got to her, Jackson used to talk in his sleep, having entire conversations with strangers or dead people since the shooting, waking up in screams. She was used to his outbursts in the middle of the night and the resurgence of the phenomenon after the death of their son. It never even occurred to her that it may have been a bad sign that she got used to it. It was like saying she got used to Pain. It was like admitting she had given up long ago. She got up slowly on the couch, she claimed last night. Callie was loved in the armchair. Her head on a large pillow, Maggie was on the floor. Alex… Alex may have found his way back to his bed upstairs. Meredith was nowhere to be seen and April was tempted to go check if she was not in the old laundry room. But she needed to go the bathroom first so she ran upstairs.

"Aun…ty!" A little voice called. It was followed by a peal of merry laughter.

"Zola!" Zola just ran into her arms and hugged her tight. "How are you sweetie? Did you sleep well?"

April used to babysit for Meredith and Derek prior to her pregnancy. Thinking about it there was a ton of things she used to do back there. She was feeling so blessed at that time, feeling each day how lucky she was to have met Jackson, to have found a friend in him, to be able to love him more every day. At that time, love had been more than enough. She watched Zola nod contentedly before going back to play with her toys. She did not know how long she stayed in front of her old room transformed for the occasion into a nursery. When she came to it, she realized Baby Bailey had been up and crying for a while now. Zola, who was in her favorite pink pajamas, was not paying the slightest attention to her baby brother and played with her unicorn princess. She could pick him up, she could help, she thought to herself. But April was resolutely rooted to the spot where she was standing, unable to move. She used to love, live for the children, their smell, the little noises they make, their lively expressions in front of new things. It was just magical somehow… the way their tiny lives hung on a line, so fragile, so unpredictable. Were they going to grow up fine? To become fully-realized adult with a kind heart. Were they going to grow up at all?

Honey blonde hair just came into her line of sight startling her.

"Meredith?"

"It's okay! I'm up!"

Meredith's face betrayed her weariness when she picked up Bailey to help him out of his progressive bed.

"He will calm down soon. He hates morning. He relives his own little nightmare every morning. Truly, he is his mother's boy."

"That's horrible." Old April said with tears in her eyes.

Meredith was too busy wiping Bailey's sticky face and fingers to notice the obvious change of mood and she continued.

" You don't say. It's even worse since Derek… I mean his father used to wake him up with kisses and songs and they'd watch cartoons together."

Meredith's sentence was met with silence this time. She looked up to see April's teary face.

"I'm sorry…Meredith…You got your own stuff…and… " April sobbed.

"Nonsense! Come here… Come here…"

She grabbed her hands.

"Zozo, Mommy is with Auntie Cristina and Auntie April if your little sister wakes up!"

Zola nodded absent-mindedly while Bailey had already entirely moved on from his nightmare and grabbed his favorite plush dinosaurs to play with. Meredith led April down the stairs. They crossed the living-room quietly and Meredith grabbed the tablet on the kitchen island. They went to the laundry room. Meredith played with the keyboard buttons a while to connect them, Christina answered on the first call though.

"Hey Cristina!"

"Oh, you read my mind! I'm just back, baby!" Christina screamed.

"From where…"

"From his place…of course!"

Meredith laughed. She turned to April.

"Meaning: She got laid."

"Hi! Cristina?"

Christina leaned closed to her screen.

"Hey! It's April? April! How are you little Miss Sunshine?"

"Are you drunk?"

"Just a bit. Just a tiny teeny bit. Wine. To die for. The bottle costs something….insanely... Expensive. Making sentences is just difficult now. "

"Head pounding. Sweating profusely. We were also drunk last night. We know the feelings."

"Tequila?"

"No, Whisky for a change… and other stuffs… But definitely whisky...A gift from Maggie…"

"Lil' Sis n°2 is cool. I can't wait to meet her."

"You've seen each other at the funeral and you were even the one that interviewed her for her position… You know her."

"Really? Ah…That may be… true… I don't think I even remember what she looked like though. She was more Owen's idea."

"You know her, stop teasing, Cristina. So, April didn't feel too good either… So I invited her. You don't mind."

"Of course not, the more the merrier, Mer."She teased before laughing at her own jokes.

"What did you celebrate with wine?"

"You dare ask Dr Badass, here? I did a successful thoracic aortic dissection repair with my new method, the Yang's godly Method, name is in progress. I'm just feeling great about it and I found the perfect song. It is French and it is called: " So we dance now?" It's very dark. Very sexy. Very fitting. Very Me."

Meredith put herself in position. Cristina took off her leather jacket. April stood there a bit apprehensive. It's not like she didn't know the ritual, but she did not think she could dance right now.

 **Alors on danse?** (Extended mix)- **Stromaé**.

When the music started, Meredith had her doubts. What was this thing? It was in French which she assimilated to Mandarin. What was Cristina thinking? But then she closed her eyes and listen to the melody… Then she felt the beat… the magic took over and moving became so easy. Without choreography, she was jumping without even wanting to. Then she let down her hair… April who recognized the song from her days under the tent in Irak started dancing immediately forgetting all her past apprehensions. And then without knowing she felt things she did not feel in weeks. Words, coherent thoughts and images… Her head was completely empty. She was suddenly alone in her head. Cristina was shaking whatever she had and what was also non-existent till now like the soul Queen she was. Whipping their hair in the air, the three women were caught in a sort of trance. Lascivious, full of intent, filled with sudden desire, they accepted fully Stromaé's invitation. April Kepner was not born with a sense of coordination, but at that moment she did not care. She playfully played with her hair. Her laugh resounded in the air. She felt a sense of freedom each time she breathed out, each time air left her lungs. Meredith was shaking her hair and she could feel the electricity leave her body bereft... wanting for more. It felt immediately so good. She looked up behind her, behind April… and she could almost see Derek moving in rhythm with her with a gigantic goofy smile on his face. With measured steps he did the robot. It made her laugh. Just imagining him struggling to keep the rhythm… And then just like that, he was gone. And Meredith kept dancing... and singing...and dancing. Until she could not breath anymore.

Toward the end of the song, Alex applauded their performance with a smirk. Circling Meredith's hips, April hugged her tight and whispered thank you in her hair. She told her she was welcome because just like that Meredith had overcome her own trauma of waking up in an empty bed every morning.

Slowly and reluctantly, Maggie uncovered her face two hours later. She was quite the heavy sleeper. She blinked, closed her eyes, and blinked again, ever so slowly this time. The morning light trickled in through the blinds. All at once she was assaulted with thoughts, both internal and foreign, noises both sharp and diffused. It smelled like coconut shampoo and perfume. She opened her eyes again. She only saw a blur of vivid colors followed by some sort of shadow. She started feeling the bitterness in her mouth and she shuddered a bit. Awaken with a start she discovered her unfamiliar surroundings with dismay.

A playful toddler screamed excitedly and clapped at this amazing exploit.

"Auntie's awake!"

"Zola, what are you doing to Auntie Maggie? I told you to put your shoes on!"

"Her hair is funny like mine! It smells good mom like banana split."

"Hair is not a funny thing to be joking about."

"Yes, it is, mommy!"

Meredith must have seen the stunned almost terrified look on Maggie's face because she stopped halfway from putting her coat.

"Are you okay? I did not want her to wake you up like this! I even planned on leaving a note. Zola, your shoes! Don't let me tell you again little Missy!"

Zola begrudgingly abandoned her new object of affection to do as she was told.

"Did I fall asleep?"

Meredith nodded.

"I never…"

"Well, you did… We all did. Alex was sleeping too, so I had no way to carry you upstairs. Will you forgive me?"

"Yes?! Of course! That never happened to me! I'm so sorry. "

"No more excuses, it's nothing."

"We talked pretty late. That's fine."

She was startled at the sight of Callie coming out of the kitchen. Callie played with an apple while putting on her jacket.

"I'm so glad Sofia is with Arizona. I get to sleep some more since my shift starts in the afternoon. Where's April?"

"She already left she had an appointment with Jackson. She told us last night."

"Why can't I remember then?"

"I told you that Margarita was not the way to go, Callie. After the whisky, that was probably a bit too much."

"Blasphemy, Mer ! Midnight Margaritas is always the way to go. Ask Sandra Bullock! I'm off. See you later, guys."

"I should go too…"

"Take your time. I know you live on the other side of town. The traffic will be hell, trust me. You can take a shower upstairs. We're practically the same size. Help yourself. Wendy went for a stroll with Bailey and Ellis. They'll be back shortly. But Alex is upstairs. He has his keys! I have to go. I have to drop off Zola to Kindergarten. See you!"

"Bye auntie!"

"Bye Zola! Have fun sweetie!"

"You're so pwetty! I love you very much! You should come more often so that we could play…like last time."

Meredith shrugged at her daughter's sudden outburst.

"Okay, baby ! Let's go! " She laughed.

Meredith led Zola outside, closing the door on her way out. Maggie let all the air out of her chest at once. That was something else. She checked her wild mane in a mirror. It did not look half as bad. She frowned. It looked terrible and totally impossible to comb but strangely not hopeless. She could see herself, finding a way around it with water and the bottles of shea butter and coconut oil she always keeps in her bag.

She was left wandering in the house. It was strange the way it felt like home. A feeling she never believed she would experience upon meeting Meredith Grey the first time. Their meeting had been a genuine disaster. She took half the blame for it; she came to Seattle without completely thinking things through. She went to the archives and got excited. Discovering her mother had worked in the hospital she got interviewed for an attending position was the cherry on top of everything. At that time, she thought she wanted to know about the Grey of Grey-Sloane and how it was related to her. It was the end of a long quest. It had been so important to her these past two years. She needed to know why, why Ellis had abandoned. She had so many questions. She found out the truth about Ellis' death. Then she discovered she had a sister and a father. They barged into her life with the same violence and abruptness she crashed theirs and of course there was some collateral damage. At some point, she thought she could never have a relationship with Meredith. She thought she hated Meredith at first sight. She realized now she may have been a tad presumptuous thinking any relation between her biological family would come without emotional baggage. She remembered it was a conversation with Alex shortly after Meredith's disappearance that definitely put stuff into perspective. She learned more about Meredith's sister Lexie. Lexie was Meredith's sister on her father's side. Well, more precisely she had two sisters on her father's side. But Lexie was the one who wanted a relationship with Meredith. She was an intern unlike Maggie, Meredith a resident at the time. And just like Maggie, she came up to Meredith one morning to tell her she was her sister. And then she lived here with Meredith and Alex. They learned more about each other. They were close and then she died in that plane crash and Meredith bought the hospital back with the money of the lawsuit. She could understand Meredith better now. In retrospect, she'd probably have the same reaction, a mix of anger, resentment and disbelief.

Today, being in her mother's house means so much to her. She didn't think Meredith even realized. Alex told her that he made minimal changes since he bought it. She stopped in the kitchen. The carpet, the appliances in the kitchen were all new. But the furnishings were pretty much the same except for the living room where a tree fell through the window during a storm. Her mother did not seem like the type to cook. Meredith's raw appetizers were terrible calamities. She looked at her watch and sure enough, she might be late again to start her shift. But somehow she couldn't bring herself to worry about the consequences. She pushed the bathroom door upstairs without knocking and came up face to face with Alex Karev in all his naked glory.

"Hey, Mer, where did you put my after…shave?"

He turned to face her, his towel I his hand.

" Ah ! I'm sorry! I forgot you were even there. I was just wandering in the house and… I lost track of time…There… I'm so sorry! I did not want to…"

"You're rambling. Stop Rambling. Close the damn door."

"Oh yes…"

She got in the bathroom and closed the door behind her. The air felt immediately stuffy and warm. It sent a shot of electricity down her spine. She exhaled sharply. Her face was literally burning with shame as she realized a moment too late that it was not what she was supposed to do. As Alex was staring at her with a mixture of incredulity, amusement and maybe some more incredulity she felt like her heart would stop and she was in a desperate need of a bypass.

"I will… wait… outside." She muttered.

Five minutes later, A fully-dressed Alex found her in the kitchen pacing nervously.

"I'm sorry I was harsh, but you…startled me!"

"No one was more surprised than me. I forgot you were even there. I don't know what happened. My brain just froze. I could not think. I'm so sorry."

"Well, that's not too bad a reaction. Got worse. "

She smiled at that.

"I should not have been there."

"Like I said no big deal. We are doctors. Naked people are no big deal."

"Yes, you're right. I was just…" She trailed off, the smile fading on her lips. She took a quiet look at the bathroom.

"You okay?"

"That is my mother's house. I've been there before, but..."

"What is it?"

"I'm sorry. I… It is so strange to be here… to wake up here… I think I dreamed of being here my whole life… Since I knew I was adopted. My parents were adorable, but I could not help imagining what it felt like to be with my biological mother. What if she never abandoned me? I even imagined once that she lived in a shack with broken windows. But here I am, my biological mother is dead. But she lived here. There's a little bit of her still… And I have a sister and I am an aunty. I don't know what to think about that. "

Alex quietly listened to her, biting into an apple.

"Did I ramble again?"

"No. I get it. When you're a kid, you made up imaginary friends and you tell yourself lies so that you don't get disappointed. Believe me, I've been there. The question is: Are you disappointed?"

She turned to face him, her face bright with happiness.

"No."

He nodded.

"Good. Shower is free. You want me to wait for you?"

"Oh, thanks! I'll be quick I promise!"

The hallways on the surgical floor were an institution for those who were not lucky enough to find an empty and quiet on call room. There were seldom places in this hospital where you could totally disconnect yourself from the traumas and the surgeries. Jo was forced to log off the system for the night as she got her quota of working hours filled. So, she decided to take a break. Stephanie was on her seventh hour shift and still hiding from her ducklings, hoping she did not get called unless a patient was dying...or not.

"He's not answering his phone."

Stephanie did not take her eyes off her tablet's screen for a second.

"Well, that could mean any number of things."

"…Or it can mean only one."

She shook her head.

"This guy has such a resume. It's incredible. He's done and seen so much of the world. I'm 29... okay more like 30. What have I ever accomplished?"

"Do you think he is cheating on me right now?"

"If I had a resume like that… I would have no need to worry about my future. I think I need a project of some sorts something better than sex to focus all my attentions on. I have to raise the bar somehow even if I'm already drowning. Who needs a sex life? Who needs a life?"

"Still on the voicemail… Why can't he answer his phone?"

"Well, it's 7.00 in the morning. For those of us who still have a life. There's probably something better to do."

"Like sleeping with someone else…"

"Like sleeping. Period." Stephanie yawned.

Was it wrong that just thinking of a nice cozy bed made her all fuzzy inside? She thought bashful. She was all too aware that she was never going to rule the world with such weak mentality.

"I don't know I thought he would be happy that we got our own place. We can do whatever we want now… It's ours. It's not Meredith's. You don't have to be too careful with it!"

"You really do have a problem with her."

"She is so self-absorbed and clingy."

"Well, you should tell her that."

"Are you joking? She's our boss. She could kill me."

"She won't kill you. She can't be a murderer. She is a rich widow with kids. She won't risk jail time for you. She will probably fire you, but that's another thing. But he is your boyfriend. I just think it would be faster to try and negotiate with her."

"I shouldn't have to negotiate my boyfriend with her. He should be mine. Mine alone."

Jo closed her fist firmly like she was in the Fist of Fury.

"Oh my god this guy is something… This bio is a collection of great stories... great tales really! He is just plain awesome and he has brothers who are just as plain awesome! The mother Theresa slash Bono kind… of awesome!"

"Stephanie, it's just… If he loves me, he should want to do this with me. I bought a loft for him. "

Stephanie raised an eyebrow at that.

"For him?"

"For us."

"It's not a loft yet, Jo. It's lot more rustic than that."

"It's a place to start."

"Well, you can definitely call it that."

" But he is so angry and bitter all the time… Over little things really. It's not like it's gonna stay in that same sad state all the time. We've got it planned."

"You planned it."

"The architect did. For us. He said that it will definitely need some work. But it's a good investment for the future. He congratulated us on making the sale. "

"Emphasis on the word Future. "

"We're young."

"He's older than you and we're not young anymore. We should be more accomplished, there's no denying that. This guy was eleven years old when he held a scalpel for the first time. His parents were doctors without borders in Uganda. His dad had just been shot in the leg by rebels and he saved his life by taking out the bullet and cauterizing the wound. While his nine year-old brother ran ten miles to the next village to find rescue."

"What was his mom doing?"

"I don't know. It doesn't say. It's a good question."

"Eleven years old?"

" He is like Bruce Wayne… no like Oliver Queen… with sidekicks."

"You and Shepherd developed quite a hero complex since last year."

"Yes and he is Arrow-material. He is…"

"You're such a Geek!"

Stephanie shrugged and turned another virtual page on her tablet. Jo sighed deeply. She waited a full-fledged minute before assaulting her friends with questions.

"But you said you like the place?!"

"Well, notwithstanding the scary neighborhood, I could see it turning into something in the future. I mean in the years to come."

"You said you loved it."

"I had to say that to keep my privileges until you actually renovate the place into something habitable."

"It only needs a quick little touch-up."

"There are no tiles in the kitchen. There's no… Everything ... This guy! He spent a summer in Guatemala with just his younger brother, when he was just 16, building houses for poor homeless people. He lived in more than 67 different cities from birth to high school. He attended high school in six different schools in three different countries. He is fluent in more than seven languages. Harvard was so impressed by his essays, they gave him a full scholarship just like that. He managed to refuse it since his family is loaded."

"Was I too ambitious?"

"A tad bit maybe…"

"Then why didn't you tell me so?!"

"You went and just bought the place, Jo. When was I even involved in the decision making process? Why should I even be involved in the first place?"

"You're my best friend."

" I can't believe it. I'm wasting my time here. This guy was Catherine Avery's intern and as an intern he published a commentary on one of her intervention. Avery let him do that. Catherine Avery! What's wrong with the universe?"

"Are you listening to me?"

Stephanie bolted upright.

"Yes… and no… I can't believe she asked me to babysit this guy. What will I say to him? Who am I really to cross path with him? He is like Jesus… It's written here… I'm just a resident with idiotic interns."

"Do you think he will leave me?"

"Sure… I mean no."

"Stephanie, you think he will dump me. He will dump me and go live with Meredith."

"Jo, talk to him."

Jo's face was suddenly drained of its colors. She stared at the window with the view of a parking lot. Stephanie followed her gaze. Just like Jo, she let out a sharp intake of breath. Alex was in the parking lot speaking with Pierce as she just got out of a car. There was no way to know what was said. But Pierce was laughing and then Alex got closer. They took a few steps together before she paused at something Alex probably said, grabbing his arm quite intimately. Edwards raised her eyebrows at this. Jo and Stephanie looked each other in the eyes. Pierce and Alex disappeared inside the building.

"There must be an explanation for this. "

Stephanie's pager went off.

" I must go. I… But… It's probably just a coincidence. They did not arrive exactly together... in the same car or something."

"He's leaving me."

"Jo! Don't do anything stupid! Just talk to him! I have to go meet Jesus."

Maggie and Alex parked exactly at the same time in front of the hospital. Meredith was right. They were practically the same size. It was easy to find a pair of blue jeans, a purple T-shirt and cardigan that fit. She grabbed her bag on the back seat and looked up to see Alex leaning on the trunk of her Audi Q5 hybrid.

"You're the craziest driver in town, Maggie. You know those funny red lights on the sidewalk? You're supposed to stop before them."

Maggie let out a snicker.

"If you were not so slow you wouldn't see any funny lights, Alex."

"You even harassed a poor old woman and her dog into crossing the street faster. An old woman really? I almost did not believe it..."

"She was not old. I think she was barely sixty… She looked very sporty. She seemed so dynamic and energetic. Walking fast is very good for our cardiovascular system, you should know. I just wanted to encourage that."

"You're all Death and Die. You're a monster."

"I'm not really. I'm a very good driver. That's all." She retorted boldly without blinking.

Alex paused. Was she truly serious?

"You insulted that guy that made an illegal u-turn in front of you. But you did the same just a few minutes later."

" Did you see that? He was so slow. He kept hesitating… and… dilly dallying… like we have all the time in the world for a three-steps turn! He was such a danger to everybody. When it was my turn, I did it right. When you do break the law, you have to do it fast. You have to be damn sure. Because you want to do it right. My dad used to say that all the time. Of course he is a terrible driver. But not me..."

"You're a terrible driver."

"I'm not. I am very good, focused and precise. I am amazing behind the wheel of my beast."

"Your beast?"

"Beastie Pierce, for friends? She is the big sister of Miracle Pierce, my first sweet ride, my Precious. Miracle was named after my Dungeons and Dragons character in high school. She was a sweet clumsy thing. Still an Audi. But less beastie… truly."

" Your first ride was an Audi too? "

"Yup and every car after that must be. Family tradition. My dad owns two car dealership in Boston and Detroit. Beastie is very nice and sweet, but she can roar like a lion when she is late. Nobody should mess with Beastie. " She grabbed his arms. "Isn't she a beauty?"

Alex took a quick look at the Maya Brown Metallic Q5 Hybrid, its beige leather interior and its its mahogany woods inlay, its sunroof, its sophisticated navigation system, with cherry on crop a automatic manual transmission. He was almost ashamed at his own ride, though his Land Rover was swiftly efficient, her car screamed luxury. She was probably not joking about taking driving very seriously. Strange, he'd never pictured her for a car freak...for a freak at all.

"You're a Grey? You're such a Grey, Grey?"

"Argh!"

They walked together toward the hospital.

"You drink like a Grey?!"

"Don't call me that?!"

"You're hot like a Grey!"

"Alex!"

"You're crazy like a Grey?"

" Alex! I swear to god I am about to punch you hard."

"With these tiny little things you call your fists, you're such a Grey about this." He teased. She punched his arms.

As the door opened for them, Maggie searched in her purse for her badge and some money. They stopped in front of the food cart at the same time.

" I will have the glazed donut, please." They said at the same time.

"I will have the donut, Alex. I'm not messing with you." She smiled politely.

" Don't listened to her, the donut and a coffee to go." Alex continued.

The vendor stared at them truly embarrassed.

"Sir, Madam, It's the last one. I'm sorry."

"No, no, no, no, no , no, no, I was there first." Maggie stepped forward.

"In your dreams only, Pierce."

"I will faint without a donut."

"I have very tiny demanding patients. I need my sugar rush too."

"You're a big boy, get a brownie."

"You're mean, Pierce. I want a donut. I always have a donut."

"Too bad! You won't get my donut today."

"It's not your donut. It's still a donut. A poor Owner-less donut! I still want it!"

"If you share, I can give you a complement fruit. What do you think? " The vendor offered.

"I am all good for sharing. Give me a pear and a brownie to go with that. She's paying."

"Sharing a donut with you is a big thing, Alex Karev. I'm okay with it in the name of our friendship. But I'm not paying. You are!"

"You've got the money in your hand, Beastie Pierce?"

He said smiling as he was leaving with his half of a donut, his pear, his coffee and his brownie.

"Alex!"

"Bye, Beastie!"

"Madam, what do we do?"

Maggie smiled and handed her the money.

"I will pay. But give me a banana and a white coffee to go with that."

"See, this is me telling you, chief Webber?"

"Katherine Avery Webber, can you please stop with the snark?"

She shrugged and raised an eyebrow. He turned to close the door of his office because he just knew this was going to turn ugly pretty quick. It always did.

"Catherine…"

She nodded and silenced him firmly with an open hand.

"Listen to me, we need this. The numbers are not good. It's nice to save lives, Richard. But if the numbers are not good… Not good."

"Don't patronize me, please."

She raised her hand again.

"I'm not finished. Hunt quit long before he actually did."

"He did a good job."

"His head was not in the game. Now I'm grateful for his supervision and his management. But we need to reorganize things around here."

"Catherine."

She gave him a feral glare.

"I'm not finished. I thought Jackson could do this. I prepped my son for this since he could barely walk. Nobody had expectations for him. I did. But the past year had been excruciatingly painful on him. He is young and he lost a son. My grandson. He's pretty much had enough. He needs time to regroup and think while still being a surgeon."

"Okay, I can see your point."

"It's going to be good for the hospital. It's going to be good for us. New blood is what we need to make this place work like before."

"What we need? Let me tell you… We need a little bit of consistency. People need to know we're not going the full corporate road. It's not going to be like the Seattle-Mercy West merger. We are a family. We take care of each other. They need to know they can grow here."

"Yes, of course, but not everybody can be chief."

"We need doctors."

"He is a doctor I can promise you that."

She grinned smugly.

"I don't like that grin."

"I simply don't mind putting this place in even more pragmatic hands, like that of a business man. My candidate can do both. Can you say the same?"

"This is ridiculous. Bailey is fine. She would do an awesome job."

"She would be a great chief of surgery, yes. But as the whole package… A chief of staff. I'm not sold yet. Because I need someone checking the bills, making sure we don't go bankrupt buying 3D printers or Lodox x-ray machine that cost millions. I need someone shaking money trees, making sure the money comes in as much as it comes out, making sure we stay afloat.

She hugged him tight.

"Everything is a business to you."

"It sure is, my love. We agreed to this…"

"Yes, but I can't see why you have to fly some corporate guy from the other side of the country and try to persuade him that he wants to be our candidate. He should want this position for himself. "

"I knew you would not understand the importance of this."

"That's you being condescending again, Catherine."

"I'm not trying to be! This is important to me. I want this to work. You promised equal chances for both candidates."

Somehow it did not seem to Richard as if being fair was even in the priorities of his wife. This sounded less than fair. This sounded like a conspiracy or a trap. He was saved from having to answer by the arrival of Edwards. Stephanie knocked and sneak her pretty head inside.

"I'm sorry to interrupt. Dr Avery -Weber, I think your guest is here."

"I will be there shortly. I'm counting on you Edwards. Your mission is an important one. You're an ambassador of sorts. Don't disappoint me."

Catherine smiled reassuringly, but Stephanie still looked nervous. She finally nodded and left. Catherine gave Richard a quick kiss.

"I need you to do this, Richard. I need you to prep the staff and make sure we are on the top of our game. We need to impress my guy. I need it to be perfect. We need the best we can find. I can assure you he is the best we can find. I will give Miranda Bailey a chance if you give him one. Please…"

"Alright, when you're looking at me like that I can't really say no."

"That's the man I married."

* * *

A/N: If you're from Europe, you know the timeline is quite messed up. And Christina would not be going to bed in Germany while Meredith got up, quite the contrary. I call it the Matrix time-bending hole. It just fit my script. I got lazy. I wrote this scene pretty late with a fuzzy mind and when morning came, and I realized I got it wrong, I did not want to change it since I had a blast writing it. I love the "dancing it out" concept in Grey. I wanted to have at least one instance in this story. Totally selfish!


	6. In the business of saving lives

Disclaimer: Don't own anything but my OCs. That's not much.

N/A: I don't have much time but I wanted to at least update once this week-end. I thank Patsy who reviewed last time and I hope when you finish reading this that you will all leave me with your impressions.

-7-

In the business of saving lives

Lean On (feat. MØ & DJ Snake)

While a private jet landed in King County international, the traffic snaked up downtown Seattle, packing heavily the roads with cars, blistering under the heat of the bright morning. The Ferry boat released safely its hundreds of passengers in the harbor. Ensnaring the main arteries of the city in a tight grip, the lines of steel and wheels were seemingly endless. But like blood flowing from a vein, it never lacked a pulse. There was a momentum between each flow. The streetlights operated like a pacemaker. It was a beautiful, well-organized ballet. One, Warren Fresker was sure was quite common in every big city in the country at this time of day. However, when he saw the reflection of the space-needle in the windshield, he immediately knew that he was now in Seattle, 2000 miles away or so from home. He was quite anxious about it as he usually was whenever he left his office too long. Taking a quick look at his Jaeger-LeCoultre watch, he frowned lost in his thoughts. Time seemed to be the most precious commodities these days. Warren was sorely lacking in that department. A quick peek at his smartphone, a sophisticated piece of modern and outrageously expensive technology, with which he could theoretically make calls from the great wall of China, dive with dolphins and sharks in Australia, just before boating down the Amazon, a quick look at quick efficient modernity, and he knew that somehow he already lost the day. He reviewed at once the journal of ongoing surgeries of the Strauss Medical Center in Annapolis. His hand crisped on the phone when he saw an unauthorized cancellation. A name flickered in red like an alarm. Yeahquo was going off protocol. Again. Did it come as a surprise? Not really. Was he expecting it? Maybe. Was it still annoying? Yes, definitely.

He remembered his last conversation with Yeahquo in his office. He thought at that time that he made himself pretty clear. Gabriel Fife had been there. Both doctors were in the best of moods after learning a request made in the interest of one of their patients had been rejected.

 _"They said no."_

 _Kyle Yeahquo pushed his raven hair back with both hands, finding it hard to exhale. The tribal tattoo on his forearm came in full view since he was not wearing his scrubs, but a simple white shirt over jeans. For as long as Warren knew him, he was never one to take rejection well. He was the kind of surgeon who sets impossible goals for himself. He sets his bar so very high and you could never push him to go lower than that. He arrogantly believes in his own hype. He was a child at heart. Discontented, wild, obstinate, brilliant… He was an asshole, mind you. His ego was impossible to keep in check. At that time, you could just see the fire blazing in his eyes as dark as the night._

 _Gabriel Fife, the buttoned scientist on the other end was more measured in expressing his feelings as researchers usually were. He just gripped his wheelchair tight and looked at the ground. Well, he never liked to be the bearer of bad news. But well, that was the job. He grabbed another file. He forgot to approve the nursing schedule for next month._

 _"I don't deny it will be a risky surgery, but it's his one chance, Warren. I need your approval on this."_

 _How ironic, Kyle never asked for permission. He usually did what he wanted to do and screw the consequences. It was strange to see that side of him, though he suspected, it was all part of some sort of manipulation. He kept his voice neutral, but Warren knew his ego was getting torn inside. Warren kept his eyes trained on the computer screen for a while before finally addressing them very slowly._

 _"Not only is it risky, but it is also not cost-effective. It is expensive. Patient's health care only covers a third of the cost. Even with you and Fife working Pro Bono…this case. We will have to cover the rest. There's also the matter of the 13% chance of success. That's not encouraging at all. As you both know, the board ordered all trial to be on hold until budget negotiation start next year, so we cannot use the preliminary results as dangling carrots. Meaning, I have a hard time justifying this expense as anything else but a giant waste of money. So, the answer is no. No, you won't get my approval on this. You should inform his father. He needs to be prepared… This is your schedule for tomorrow and yours, Fife."_

 _He handed both men a planning and sat down behind his office again. He saw Kyle's face contorted quickly in anger._

 _"Screw that, Warren. Screw them. You know I can do it. You brought me here just for this. Now, these greedy sons of bitches… think they can fucking give me a schedule to follow. Who do they think I am?" Kyle said, raising his arms in the air._

 _" Warren, that was my name… on that trial!" Fife argued. "Two years of research thrown away into boxes… What do you want me to do? "_

 _"I am aware that things took a strange turn these past few months."_

 _"And that's my patient! I told his family he won't be dying on my watch. I promise I will give him more time to properly fight this thing. He is just 8 years old, Warren. There is no way I can go back on my word. That is my reputation…"_

 _"They want to restructure ... I cannot go against the board's wishes."_

 _"They will be dismantling the center before the end of the year, you know it. Just tell us so we can cut our losses… After closing the trauma ward… This is the next… step. I did not sign up for this. I don't do second-rate well. I could be somewhere where I am needed. I sacrificed things to be here." Gabriel said._

 _"The board may be reviewing its options. I do not have much of a say in this. This is not a right time for the medical center. I'm still working on getting all the trials back on rails. But we all have to make some sacrifices. You need to trust me."_

 _Gabriel Fife scratched his eyebrows nervously._

 _"I did trust you. Where's that ever gotten me? You're killing my research."_

 _"I have no power over this, Fife."_

 _"You're the chief of staff. You have every power in the book."_

 _Warren kept shaking his head slightly and looked straight in his eyes._

 _"I told you everything I know."_

 _"It's not good enough! Not even nearly. So… I quit. How about that for something you should know! "_

 _Fife turned to leave the room. Warren silently watched him go._

 _"You're going to let him walk away."_

 _"He is a geneticist. Right now, I can do without one. He will calm down or be fired. I honestly don't care which. You're head of oncology and a damn good surgeon. I need you. I'm sorry it'd come to this. But I have a hospital to run and for that I have to make difficult decisions, decisions I don't always like. You have to inform his parents, Kyle? Can I count on you?"_

 _"How can you ask that of me? You know I've worked this kid's case for years. It's a miracle he's still alive. My miracle! I made that possible! Fife is right. I'm done with this dollhouse. I did not get all these degrees just to play doctor and look good in the pictures. I've won everything there is to win in this damn country. I am not a puppet. I'm a rockstar. I'm done here. Cut my dividend this year because I'm out of here too."_

 _Kyle paced furiously. Warren ignored him like he always did in those situations._

 _" As you can see Kyle, I took the surgery down from your new schedule. You will follow protocol… while I am gone. I will follow your progress on my phone."_

 _Yeahquo turned to face him, not sure he heard him right._

 _"You…what? You want what?! Didn't you hear what I just said? Don't fucking ignore me like that !"_

 _"Like I said, I took the liberty of taking the surgery down from your schedule. I programmed a couple of benign biopsies, followed by colostomies, procedures with a cost covered by all insurance companies. Gucic will assist you then. You should be done by sixteen. OR 4 is all yours. I assumed you won't need the theater for this."_

 _"Biopsies? Are you fucking kidding me?"_

 _Warren rolled his chair to the side._

 _" I don't have to joke. I'm not asked to have a sense of humor while I'm just doing my job. Can you do yours? Because I don't know when I will be back."_

 _Kyle frowned even more._

 _"You want me to follow protocol in your absence if I understand correctly… like a good little soldier… even though I usually never bother following protocol at all, is that it?"_

 _Warren nodded._

 _"You also want me to take your resident with me. The girl with the Dragon Tatoo… aka… Hit Girl. Are you serious? This girl does not know her place in the OR. She punched an attending."_

 _"The name is Vika Anja Gucic. And yes, that's it. Since the other side of you job is teaching, she should learn things…"_

 _"She is a third-year resident…_

 _He paused, finally taking time to consider this offer._

 _"No, whatever… I will do it." He smiled._

 _" Just follow orders, Kyle. Be aggressive… These things need a firm hand. Can you do that? "_

 _"Of course, you're the chief, Chief."_

 _"Don't screw up."_

 _He laughed._

 _"I won't… I never…"_

As much as he tried to stay completely neutral, something told him he made a huge mistake, and his hospital was probably already burning, or collapsing under the weight of one surgeon's big ego. He was way too kind.

"Where are we going?" He asked the driver briskly.

"We will be there soon."

"Where are we going to be " soon"?"

A fake amiable smile spread his lips. His eyes were narrowed barely hiding his irritation. The driver's eyes never left the road, but he answered just as diplomatically.

"I have instructions, sir. "

"Turn around. I changed my mind. I want to go back to the airport."

"I can't Sir in this traffic."

"I know you can. Turn around now. I have work to do."

The driver shook his head apologetically.

"I can't do that sir. I apologize. But Mrs Avery was very clear."

"I bet she was. You need to know that I will sue you for all you're worth… Not your company… Not your contractors… Just you..."

"Sir…"

"I don't need the money. I will simply do it for fun."

"Sir…"

"Let me tell you how it will play out… You will be fired. The insurance company covering the asses of your boss and his bosses will do everything to put the blame on you so that they don't have to pay. My lawyers… So many lawyers… Paid so well… To shed innocent blood… I will allow them because I just want to go after you."

"Sir… She told me you'd say something like that."

"If you tell me you have kids… It will be worse. I hate children."

The driver let out a sign of relief.

"We're here."

He looked through the window of the passenger's seat.

"She must be kidding?"

The driver got down, circled the car to open his door but he was quicker. Eyebrows raised quizzically, Warren faced the monstrosity of a hospital known in Seattle as the Grey-Sloan Memorial, known in the rest of the medical world as the Graveyard of Great Spirits. He thought he heard a shoe drop somewhere.

He had seen his fair share of hospital buildings around the world. They were all different in size, architecture and funding. But they all had something in common and it was the inherent sanitized smell of its ethereal hallways. He looked up at the bright chrome railings of the bridge. He only pulled his eyes away from the glass vaults of the ceiling to stare contemplatively at the highly polished linoleum floor. There was some money there, undoubtedly. The front desk was in a very bright area complete with an indoor garden. Even though he relented at the idea of asking for help he walked steadily in that direction. Until someone just obstructed his path.

"Hi?"

"…Hi!" He replied.

"You must be Dr Fresker? Of course you're Dr Fresker? I'm so glad to meet you! No, It is an honor to meet you… Sir! Really!"

He observed the young woman carefully before extending his hand casually. She appeared to be young, but she could be ageless. Age did not matter in their professions. Maturity was something else entirely. It was not something quantifiable, but it was something one could easily perceive upon meeting someone new. Dr Edwards, S was the name written on the tag pinned on her coat. Her hair was unruly dark and she wore minimal make-up. She was quite mousy in her demeanor, though she tried to hide her unease by fidgeting on her feet. Stepping forward to shake his hands, she paused to quickly wipe her hand on her coat. It was a seemingly unconscious gesture, and she did it in a blink, but he noticed it nonetheless. Her nails were perfectly manicured and they were a soft creamy color. She was smart. A straight A student… He bet… Probably major of her class in College… She wore pale blue unfitting and unflattering resident scrubs. She was a surgeon-in-training, of course. He could tell she was struggling though. Colored study cards were protruding from her lab coat. She was holding a file with his name on it.

"The S stands for what, Dr Edwards?"

Stephanie blushed inwardly. A couple of thoughts came to mind. Superman. Supafly . Superbadass. She sobered up quickly though. That was so not what he was probably asking.

"Huh? I mean…Oh the tag! Stephanie, sir. I'm Dr Stephanie Edwards, 3rd year resident of general surgery."

"Nice to meet you." He said sternly.

"I…"

"Can you provide me with the names of the board members of this hospital and a complete list with the name of all the attendings and head of each department?"

"Oh! That… I… She… I can give you a tour if you want."

"I have minimal time on hand. This need to be quick, Dr Edwards. I trust you want to go back to your OR and I want to go back to my business. We can help each other."

She quickly flipped the pages in her file. Her voice was trembling slightly.

"Those are pieces of information… I cannot… give you… at least until she's cleared… them… I mean you're sure you don't want any refreshments. We have a cafeteria. Nice and cozy. We should visit it. Not together. I did not mean cozy… Of course I will be delighted to show you around. It's just we need a place to start. The cafeteria is a nice place to start, Sir."

He looked straight at her. She looked so promising and bright just a minute ago. Now he was having mixed feelings. The girl was definitely wasting her time, courtesy of Catherine. Without a word, he started pacing in the hallways. He pushed a glass door and it swung open with ease. A draft of air hit his face warm with a distinct scent of bleach. Next to the elevator there was a bright wall decorated with old black and white photographs of hospital staff- most likely either deceased or rocking their nineties in some retirement home. He recognized Mark Sloane's picture. He remembered the day he learned that he died from injuries caused in a plane crash. He wanted to go to the funeral , but he had an emergency board meeting who could not wait instead, since Beckett Martin-Strauss, the patriarch of the Strauss foundation, principal shareholder of the Medical center, had died of a sudden heart attack.

On another wall, the lists of all the specialties were represented here with the name of each attending underneath. Shepherd caught his eyes first. This one was easy to remember. It was a well-known surname in their world, Grey too, all things considered. You could not forget the two-time Harper Avery winner, Ellis Grey, also recipients of other honors. She was like a monument of sorts in their professions. He did not know her daughter, but if she inherited anything from her mother, surgery skills should be the least of it. Amelia, on the other hand, he remembered her for lots of reasons, some of which were not pleasant to remember. As he worked for the New York-Presbyterian University Hospital of Columbia and Cornell , he interviewed her thirteen years ago, that was seven years after he met with her brother. Brash but gifted, she could have been another rock star in her family. She had the steadiest hands after Derek Shepherd. What she lacked at that time truly was concentration, discipline, focus, charisma and true genius, all the things her brother never lacked. But for a brief period of time, he believed in that talent. He had been that much of a fool. She got him fired from his position. And that was not even the reason he was still angry with her. No, this did not even begin to cover it.

"You don't have to take a look at it just now. Dr Fresker…"

He read the other names swiftly. Torres. Calliope Torres. She was excellent, this one. She was also one of the Seven, if he understood correctly. She built exoskeleton out of nothing on a homeless guy he had heard. But that was it. Jackson Avery. A board member? What one must not hear! The kid was even Head of plastics these days. No kidding. That was enough for one day. Nope. It was definitely not even worth a tour. He crossed the food cart area and was stopped on his way out by Edwards .

"Dr… Fresker? I'm sorry. Dr Avery said she will be with us shortly. Can I do anything for you? A coffee maybe?"

"No. Dr…"

"Edwards…"

"Dr Edwards, you will tell Dr Avery that I thank her for the trip. First class… Private… It is really my favorite way to travel. And I've never been to Seattle before. I expected it to rain. The weather is quite exquisite. But I must admit that if I really needed a vacation, I'd take some myself in another part of the world somewhere warmer and sandier. "

A black woman turned toward him with a bright smile.

"I expected the same thing. I thought it would be like Detroit. Greyish and dull… My father used to go to Detroit all the time. We had family there. He worked there too. I absolutely hated it. It was just insanely dusty. I have allergies. But the water here can be so clear in the summer. It is actually even better than Boston in terms of pollution."

"And you are… Dr Pierce!"

"Oh! Yes, Margareth Pierce! How did you know?"

"I read all your articles."

"Really? I published ages ago!"

"I'm never impressed. But I was…"

"Oh then, I guess I'm glad I impressed you… I'm kinda impressed myself that I impressed you."

He smiled indulgently.

"Forget that. That did not even sound right. I had only half a donut this morning… I'm the Head of Cardiothoracic surgery around here."

She extended a hand toward him. He accepted it gladly. Her palm was very soft. Her assurance was faked, but her handshake was quite steady, her grip firm and tight. It was the handshake of a surgeon. Make no mistake she was probably a great one.

"And you are?"

"Warren. Warren Fresker. I am also in a hurry, unfortunately, but you did a good job on the Almeida case. Do you have news from the patient?"

"He just sent me a card last month to tell me he just got married. He's working in Dublin now. But I was a fellow at that time! It got me my attending position. How did you know?"

"I thought your position was secured at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. You were the Head of Cardiothoracic there too. "

"Well, you are well-informed. I don't know. I got this offer a year ago and needed a change of pace. They also had a "freaking" 3D printer and my predecessor's fellow, Cristina Yang, a great surgeon, managed to make a conduit out of it. It was the talk everywhere. My contract was up and I was pretty much hooked. I knew it was the place to be."

"They're good at this. Communication. I can tell."

She nodded, unsure of what he means.

"I must go. But it was a pleasure to meet you, Dr Pierce. Here's my card if you find yourself in need of another change of pace. I may have exactly what you need."

"Thanks… I guess."

He gave her one last smile before leaving.

" Dr Fresker? I'm sorry. Where are you going? She said she will be… here in a minute."

He shortened the distance between them again.

" She tricked you, Stephanie. Allow me…" He said, taking the file in her hands and dropping it without ceremony in the nearest garbage disposer. "That's what she does. That file you were holding on so dearly will never teach you anything useful about me. I bet it was designed for you to believe I'm some kind of billionaire philanthropist who likes to travel the world. That's the thing she said to make you believe that what you're doing is worth it, that the time you take off surgery is justified. That you're not wasting your time. If you allow her, she will use you. You will not become a better surgeon like this. To become a better surgeon, you have to build a certain mentality. You have to go beyond what you're currently capable of. You have to sacrifice your fears and doubts on the altar of your growing success. You have to feel it inside. You have to feel better to be better. You have to create your opportunities… create your chances. She will not give them to you. She will not let you shine. Nobody will do that for you. So my advice to you would be to help yourself become better… Forget about anything else. Forget about what she wants…"

Stephanie blinked twice.

"Dr…"

"I'm so sorry. I'm not a patient man, Dr Edwards. Tell Catherine Avery, I have another hospital to run."

"Wait! If you knew Catherine Avery, you'd know that it is impossible for me to tell her this. She will kill me."

His face broke in an unexpected smile.

"A lovely thing like you… Such a shame really. It was a pleasure to meet you."

Just like that he left. Pierce asked Edwards.

"Edwards? Who is this? I don't know… He is quite intense."

"I'm dead. I'm so dead. I want to be dead right now."

"She was late."

April shook her head in denial. She remembered distinctly the day when she broke her arms on the swing at school. She was swinging, laughing merrily. Her heart filled with such strong emotions as the swing gained in speed and she could feel herself being suspended in the air, her heart jumping at each swing. Then, she remembered losing her balance and grip and being catapulted in the air until gravity took over. Her arm went out in a cruel deafening snap of broken bones. She screamed because that was all she could do for a moment. She did not scream for help. She just screamed incoherently as pain blinded her, as she lied on the school concrete. The crunching noise her arm made when it dangle in that odd angle was all she could see and hear for a while.

"I was not... I was not. Maybe, I was just five minutes late. But that's nothing."

"Well, April. For Jackson, it doesn't seem like such a small thing. Can you understand why?"

"So now, I'm not understanding enough. Okay, I'm a bad wife because I was late once. I can see why Arizona and Callie never reconciled following your sessions."

The therapist just smiled, unwilling to engage April on such a topic. It would only served to help her validate her method of coping.

"Can you listen to the woman? She's only trying to help."

"Leave me alone."

"April..." The woman cut in.

"I'm trying... I'm just trying so hard. I came this morning, full of hope. I even try to kiss him while having breakfast, breakfast I made for him. He flat out rejected me."

"Did you turn your head, Jackson? Did you do that ?"

"Well, she did not come home at all last night."

"April...You..."

"I fell asleep at Meredith's."

"You got drunk there."

"What's wrong with that ? I'm an adult without children. What is there to be ashamed of?"

The words left her mouth before she realized, Jackson shook his head in disgust. She sighed.

"April..."

"Please... Jackson, I'm talking to you. Do we really need this?"

"Do you think I want to be here?"

"Then what are we doing here? Because I love you and you love me... That's how it's always going to be."

"You left me. You left me last night. You left me for nine months. You're always leaving me behind. Worst of all, you're always leaving our son behind."

"How can you say that?"

"That's what you do? Something bad happen and you check out. "

"That's not...true."

"You wanted me...Then you wanted Jesus more so you dumped me. You wanted Matthew, then you wanted me until you wanted Matthew again and you almost married him. Our son died. Say it. Just say it. We are not without children. We had one. We lost him... And you left again to go play soldier... And now you leaving me behind again. That's what you do. Admit it ! Just admit it!"

"That's not..."

"I was there all the time, a fool in love, waiting for you to get a clue and come back to me. But you didn't... you never... not for long at least."

"Jackson..."

"We're here because of you."

April did not know what to say anymore. She heard the familiar snapping of bones. She just knew. She was back to that pain and she wanted to scream.


	7. We live on gloriously lying to ourselves

**Disclaimer** :Pretty much same old, same old.

 **A/N** : Reviews and Feedback, positive or not, are still very much appreciated. Thanks.

-7-

We will live on gloriously lying to ourselves

"They want an answer tomorrow? I don't think I can do that on such short notice. Of course, it' a very generous offer and I'm truly glad they like the house. I understand they have a deadline to respect. But I have to think about a… lot of things… I know… I know… It's more complicated than this. No, I think… I just… I promise I get back to you… I have to go… No… I asked that they give me some more time… I really need to terminate this call. I am at work. Yes, that's it. I will get back to you."

Meredith hung up her phone and stared into space, temporarily incapable of gathering her thoughts coherently. She felt her heart racing in her chest as anxiety took over. She paced nervously. It was going to be fine. No need to cry over spilled milk? Was it spilled milk really? Was it supposed to happen so quickly? That went so fast. Was it normal? She only put the house on the market twenty days ago or so. She had been back from her sabbatical year/maternity leave less than two weeks before that. She'd already tried to delay a sale once and the couple desisted shortly after putting in an offer because of her. At the time, she had not been prepared to let go yet. Meredith heard about the markets dropping, houses staying on sale for years and she fully prepared herself to take the time, but she never thought that she could be out of a house tomorrow. She could be out of the house tomorrow and never be allowed to go back there.

Every memory she made there would be lost… which was the point of the sale in the beginning. But now that she was thinking about it, she was not so sure anymore that this was the right course of action. One part of her could not dissociate that house from the memory of Derek. It had been their dreams. Their project. His project. His dream. She felt disconnected from it after he was gone. It just looked like an empty house in the countryside without Derek. But well, it had been their home… A haven they created together to raise their children. They made the plans together. He chose the hardwood and the tiles. She decorated the damn thing. She bought terribly boring linens to go with the wood and the tiles. They made babies in all the rooms. They did it together and they were supposed to live there until they grow old and tired of it. Meredith closed her fists hard. Could she move on from it? Seemed like she had no choice now and she brought it on herself. She had asked Alex to sell her the old house back. He agreed on the count that he was moving with Jo. He did make a deposit for their loft. He paid an architect for renovation plans. What happened if she stopped the process? Would he get in trouble with Jo? Meredith inhaled sharply. Was it simply cold feet? You needed to accept fear for what it was in order to not make it worse. It was just plain ridiculous to be scared of selling a house. Ellis would have said just the same. A house was only a collection of walls under one roof. It was not a home. It was not her home. Where was her home? Was it important to decide now? Just like opening Derek's will, it was an important decision she was probably not ready to make… One she had to make nonetheless… There were only two persons in the world that could help her get all this together. Unfortunately, they were both unavailable. Suck it up, Meredith. Stop complaining. Just do something. She stared at the parking lot absent-mindedly. Move. She ordered her legs. Think. She ordered her brain. Breathe. She ordered her lungs.

She almost went to the ground when a guy in a black Valentino suit with a matching coat bumped into her on his way to the parking lot. Her voice caught in her throat, pinning her hair back in frustration. She was tempted to just give him a little piece of her mind. Instead, she just shook her head. The man continued as if she'd been invisible. She noted that he was on the phone having a conversation that seemed very unpleasant. When his face contorted in anger and he raised his voice she frowned. What was his problem? Asshole!

"So when am I moving?"

Startled again, Meredith spun around to find Amelia behind her.

"Oh! Amelia…"

"I know, I know you're supposed to still be deciding and what not... I just want to know when I have to pack my things and go back to a hotel. "

"You can totally come live with me at Alex's."

"I don't want to intrude on you… in your time of grief."

Amelia crossed her arms, lips pursed in irritation. Meredith wanted to ask what her problem was. But she remembered it got almost nothing to do with her. Amelia loved to make things complicated. She did so effortlessly. Meredith succeeded in pacifying her an entire week after Webber's wedding before her demons came out to play again. She did not know when this story started to be about her. She did not dare ask. She could not think. She only swallowed every words coursing in her minds, a few of which were not quite polite. She did not want another argument. She understood Amelia was just hurting, but she did not know how to help. She did not even know if she wanted to help. She felt as if it was not quite her business after all. Amelia was someone else's business. She was on this negative slope that had almost nothing to do with Meredith. She had lost 6 patients in recent days and was even more ill-tempered than usual. She and Owen were seen arguing on little technicalities in the pit just last week.

"I'm inviting you. Just like I invited you yesterday, you did not come."

"I had an emergency."

"So that's how it's supposed to be now…"

"No… You don't get to do this, Meredith. You don't get to decide things and then flip the freaking table on me. I'm not in command here. You are. That's your boat. I'm just living on it. But not for long it seems…"

Meredith dropped her shoulders in vindication. What was she supposed to say?

"You know what? I'm not selling the house. Happy now?"

"Please, give me a break, Meredith. Do whatever you want?! Leave me out of this!"

Distraught after this exhausting exchange of words, Meredith watched Amelia go back inside furious. She sighed and reached for the side of the neck. Breathe. Think. Move.

 **Seven Nations Army- White Stripes**

Fresker did not see the blonde as he exited the hospital. Bumping into her had been an honest human mistake he would have in other circumstances easily corrected with a polite circumstantial apology. But his attention had been on trying to reach Yeahquo on his smartphone before it was too late and he had to take a plane to fire the man. His phone kept ringing as he kept receiving incoming phone calls. But none were from Yeahquo. Predictably, his number was unavailable and going through the front desk did not get him the results he was expecting. He went from a nurse who connected him with another nurse, and neither had a clue how to answer his request. He looked at his messages. He paused next to the limousine to try again. But the phone rang again and he was doomed.

"I'd like to speak with Dr Fresker?"

"Speaking."

"It's Helena Whyatt… from the board. I was just hired this morning. I'm sorry to have to introduce myself this morning. I was hired to represent the interests of the Pegasus Group here. I'd like to have a talk with you. I know you took a few days off, but how soon can you come in."

They did not waste any time, did they? They never do.

"I know who you are. We've met when you visited three months. I never forget a face."

" Oh yes, that's true. It's wonderful then. Dr Fresker, I won't lie to you. Things are pretty serious around here. It is critical that you come back. I have to call for an emergency board meeting. We have a bit of a situation here."

He only nodded.

"Yeahquo went off protocol. I know. I can see it."

"Did you authorize him to do that?"

"Of course not. How could I?"

"He hijacked an OR and the surgical team only answers to him. He refuses to open the door. Dr Fife was assisting him this morning, providing him with genetically engineered drugs that were still on trial as of three months ago. We are currently detaining Fife in the conference room. But it was impossible to open OR 4. There is a patient inside. It is my understanding the patient is an eight years-old boy with a stage 4 nephroblastoma. "

"I am familiar with the case, Mrs Whyatt. Jordan Jenkins. He was 18 months old when Yeahquo diagnosed him. It was already very advanced with a 25%chance of survival…

"Yes… and…"

"I am not finished. He was also born with Beckwith-Wiedemann syndrome. Dr Yeahquo treated the patient with rounds of chemotherapy and immunotherapy for years. But Jordan developed another malignant rhabdoid tumor in 2010 on his left kidney. And the case went critical four times in the span of six years in which cases, Dr Yeahquo decided it would be best to take the aggressive route and operate. This little boy has had four invasive surgeries and he woke up every time with a better outcome. Due to the aggressive and rare nature of his cancer, he entered Dr Fife's trial three months ago and responded well to treatments according to his exams. As you know the trial was shut down shortly after that, so there is no way to determine if it had an incident on the patient's treatment. On all those occasions, as chief of surgery I had approved the course of treatment before Dr Yeahquo proceeded to action. But no, I had no idea he would take the boy to surgery today. On the financial aspect, I supposed it is in your interests to know that when the boy was five years old, the mother left and the father had to reduce his working hours to take care of the child part time. And while I will admit that his healthcare company no longer covered the expensive cost of the treatment and medication, the boy has exceeded our expectations in terms of survival rates. He is an exceptional case for study. However, three days ago, his last functioning kidney showed signs of necrosis. He is dying. He will need a transplant and the tumors are still growing. For all these reasons, before my departure, I asked Yeahquo to prepare his father for the worse…"

"I understand he has a history with the case… What you're saying is…"

"I'm saying that this is Dr Yeahquo's patient. He will probably do what is necessary for his patient. I will be contacting you when I know more about this."

He turned and saw Catherine making her way in his direction.

"Dr Fresker, it is impossible to ignore his insubordination. He is off protocol. We don't know what is happening in there. What if the parents were not properly informed and they did not give consent. There are things to consider."

"I doubt that is the case."

"I call security. I will call the police if need be."

"You don't call the police unless you want to kill the medical center's reputation once and for all."

"I will do what I have to do. This situation is terrible for the hospital. I will bring this to the board members and they shall decide the fate of Dr Yeahquo and all those involved in this mutiny. "

"You don't do anything until I'm back."

" But…"

"If you touch a hair on one of my staff member's head, I will hunt you down for this real insubordination. Then you will see something truly terrible happen... "

"I don't think you understand. You're risking everything here. Even your job is on the line."

"Do not worry about me. Never worry about me. Just do as you're told, Mrs Whyatt. Sit down somewhere and wait."

He hung up just to make another phone call. The sky suddenly opened up from behind the curtains of clouds, the sunlight bathing the urban landscape in a bright yellow glow. Things, shiny things, happy thoughts, anxious stares, quiet dreams, difficult expectations... Unprecedented disappointments. Things, all at once, were just about to turn uglier. Like he said to that woman, that kid was dying.


	8. This is how we do it

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I miss nothing. I miss everything.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews Patsy, Ellen, Dora, and Melanie. Hope, I didn't forget anybody. Thanks for reading. I feel better knowing you're generally all on board to learn a little bit more about Fresker. I want to post three chapters this week end, but my puppy dog is sick, my cats are acting up and no kidding they're literally killing me, these tiny buggers can be so demanding. I hope you will like next chapters just as much. Just don't forget to tell me about it afterwards.

-8-

This is how we do it

 **Miss Nothing – The Pretty Reckless**

It was closer to noon in Annapolis. The air was still a bit chilly on the waterfront. Summer was still so far ahead and spring was just starting to show its face. The landscape was deftly classic, perhaps it was the preppiest hometowns on the East Coast, with all its turn-of-the-century mansions and rolling lawns, its brownstone lanes and green gardens. There was a decisive part of Annapolis who was all about preserving its history, tradition and privileges. But there was also a decisively modern Annapolis, the proud heart of the state of Maryland, with its bold architecture blending in the green landscape and embracing its closeness with the ocean, which was all about getting the best out of its institutions. The Strauss Medical Center was such creation. Since 1996, it faced proudly the waterfront, five blocks away from St John University, a perfect combination of iron, glass vaults and wood. Just like in a giant glass dollhouse, its staff went back and forth through its open hallways days and night, with the only goal of saving lives.

Her top scrubs were bold Byzantium. Her legs were concealed in tight bottom scrubs a unique shade of black with sterilized biker boots to match. It all stood out oddly enough underneath the quiet comfort of her traditional white lab coat. Her attire differed slightly from the nurses, since they wore baby pink scrubs, and from the vibrant violet worn by the attending. She walked with ease, no more hastily than usual. There was even a slight limp in her steps because of the hour she devoted each days to kickboxing training, making her muscles burned with every firm steps she took. Her hair was still covered with a black and white striped surgery cap.

Dr Vika Gucic was out of surgery having done a splenectomy on a young admirer of Miley Cyrus's life and works. For the occasion, she sported her favorite Rasmus black shirt, a blatant attempt at teasing him. After all, the patient was going to make a full recovery no thanks to the teen pop sensation. So, little man should learn that there is better music out there. Brandishing her smartphone, she entered her post-op conclusions while walking. She was halfway through the outdoor deck boarding the water when she realized that for unknown reasons people were staring at her. She vaguely remembered spotting a few holes on the hem of her Rasmus undershirt. She decided against ripping the damaged fabric because she doubted it would appease her newly created fanbase. She scratched her head, shaking her midnight black mane, sloppily cut asymmetrically with the edge of a sharp surgical blade just the week before, in total disbelief. What a piece of shit! Well, it was true that the shirt was flimsy at best, especially for this early spring season. Her nipples were making a special appearance beneath the top scrub thanks to the constant chill upon entering the surgical ward. Obviously, she liked it that way, so there was no need for the stares and the glares. People should get a life or subscribe to someone else's feed. Honestly, she did not see what she could do to blend more. Tattoos covered. Check. Past piercings healed. Check. Past scars covered. Check. Stiff hot nipples alert. Maybe not. She smirked. Ok, it was not like her boyish chest was even worthy of bras to begin with, but she hated them with a passion renewed each fucking hour spent standing in the OR. That was probably no excuse in some countries, even in the almighty US of A, it was frowned upon in certain states, she bet, but it was quite legal, thanks to no god. She stopped next to the nurse station. Grabbing a pen, she filled in a chart for the Miley fan. She wanted to start by recommending him to find himself some legit grown-up tastes in music to be in phase with his pubescent rebellion, but she settled for a few medical recommendations to the nurses. She turned then and noticed for the first time what had everyone waiting for the next episode. She leaned on the counter herself to get a better view.

"I want this door open now! It's not impossible a task, Mr Allen. Having the keys to this door is part of your job." A blonde in an impossibly skinny white suit screamed.

Vika saw Benny Mannigan, head janitor, lower his head to the ground in embarrassment. She frowned. How dare she talk to old Benny like that?

"They're in lockdown mode, Mrs Whyatt. "

She raised an eyebrow at that. So, she was the famous Liz Whyatt, Warren warned her against. True to her description, she was sending all kind of weird evil vibes. Bitch worked her way up the corporate ladder pretty fast, having her tongue so far up Pietrus Zieger's ass she should be charged with disorderly conduct. Since Zieger, a prominent member of the hospital board, hated Fresker, well, it was not difficult to understand why he accepted a rimjob directly from their common enemy. And well, Blondie got ass for miles in that skirt as an added bonus. Vika grabbed a seemingly abandoned can of soda, finished whatever sweet content was left inside. There was also half of a ham and cucumber salad sandwich left on a pile of charts. She hesitated for a second but dig in nonetheless, swallowing it down in two mouthfuls. A Girl gotta eat after all. Not bad. She licked her fingers. Not bad at all. She dropped her lab coat on a chair and started walking.

"It is so they can only be open from the inside. It's for security purposes. Security is truly important." Nurse Jenna intervened. Her perky smile could light a room.

Vika and almost everybody that mattered around here liked sweet simple-minded and coy Jenna. Her pale skin was lightly feathered with a few blemishes. Her hair was a heavy shade of Bourbon auburn worn in a big cinnamon roll in the back of her head. Vika thought Jenna was born to work in the US care system. She always wanted to help and was incredible clumsy in all her attempts to.

" There must be a way to open the door." Liz argued.

"There's a safe key for all the doors." Benny admitted.

She turned again to him.

"And?"

"The chief has them...probably keeps them in his safe…"

"Not his safe. Dr Fresker has the keys! I saw him leave with them yesterday."

"Jenna, you didn't see anything. You don't know that's what he did. How could you say something like that? Dr Fresker always leave them in his safe in his office in case of emergency. Don't you go open your huge mouth for nothing." Lillah cut in.

Thank whatever God for Lillah! We did not want Warren to get in trouble so early in the morning on a Wednesday to boot! Lillah was a strong, no nonsense, street-smart, mother of four, with a quarter-pound of Latina blood running through her veins, and an odd appetite for all things pink. Well, she was also Vika's ex- "whatever" but that was so beside the point. She was so right. Let's not give Liz any ammo.

" So is there someone who can open his safe in his absence?"

Lillah just snorted in Blondie's face. You gotta love that girl.

"Of course not, that's his safe. What would be the purpose if he gave just anybody his passwords? Why don't you ask, Dr Fresker, anyway? You seem a little bit overwhelmed, honey."

"If only I could… What did you call me?"

Lillah just shrugged. She just wanted to help until she decided that Blondie just wasn't worth the trouble. She saw Vika and just sighed.

"Well, in this case, you should just wait for him to come back. All I'm saying…"

Lillah and Jenna returned to work, leaving Whyatt pacing in the hallways. Finally Whyatt's phone rang and she quickly answered, making ridiculous and desperate arm gestures. Poor little thing! It did not seem like she was having a good day. Will and Gareth, from the security team, stood proudly in front of OR 4. Will saw her first and knocked Gareth's arms. So, she did their absolute favorite move and stretched her arms in the air, letting a glimpse of her tattooed stomach see the artificial lights. She saw Gareth's eyes lingered on her ass as she stopped before them.

" Dr Gucic?"

"Hi, Guys!" Her voice was naturally suave but unusually cheerful. She saw Will swallow hard, his adam's apple bobbing up and down, as gripped his own belt for dear life.

"We can't…"

"You can't do what?" she asked, her face neutral.

"Whyatt…The new boss, she's been very clear. No one goes in or goes out."

The new boss? What one was not supposed to hear?

One of the doors of the OR conveniently open to reveal the tiniest model of a nurse this hospital had in its drawer. Chief Nurse, Thanvi Chakrabarti was the size of three stock barrels of beer piled together. Dressed in surgical scrubs, she held the door with one chunky hand and stared at Vika with her soulful green eyes. Both women exchanged glares.

" You're late!"

"He did not call for me, Thanvi."

"Doesn't matter. I called for you an hour ago. You let Thanvi down, child. Thanvi is not happy. You let us down. Shame on you." She said with a thick accent.

"What can I say I was busy with my patient?! You know I'm also a surgeon? I'm not just paid to run errands."

"You're insolent with that. I don't know what Mr Fresker can see in you. You're so unladylike. But, let's go."

Gareth put his hand on the door and Thanvi spun toward him staring him down hard. Vika thought for a second she saw Thanvi showed her teeth like her wild enraged dog. As for Gareth, he let go immediately like he'd seen a ghost.

"What do you think you're doing in my ward, you two idiots? Move aside. Go sit somewhere." Thanvi barked.

" I… she said…"

"Does he really want me to repeat myself?"

"No, he doesn't. Come on man, you don't." Vika intervened, stepping forward. "You know what will happen if she has to repeat herself, Gareth... You and me… Makes me hot just thinking about it."

She smirked, shaking her head slowly.

"I'm just trying to… to do my job, Vika."

"We're trying here..."

"The same here. Only difference… The style! You've got none."

"No time for this. If you're against me... I will stomp on you...Hard... Violently... leaving a bloodshed...like on things I don't like..."

"Like Cockroaches?"

"Coackroaches! That's it! I don't like cockroaches at all. Now move. Go stand ! The witch will see us… Come Vika!" Thanvi forcefully grabbed the girl's hand and pulled her inside, closing the door violently behind them.

"Hey!" Whyatt screamed."Why did you let them go back inside! Why didn't you do something?"

"That was Chief Nurse Thanvi."Gareth said.

"Who?"

"And Vika Gucic, Madam." Will added.

"And ?"

Gareth shrugged, turning to Will.

"Yup, that was definitely Vika Gucic."

Whyatt looked at them with incredulity.

"Are you two idiots?"

They both shrugged at the same time.

Thanvi shed her masks and gloves completely then helped Vika in surgery garbs. She stared suspiciously at the girl. Vika sighed as Thanvi tied the back of her top scrubs.

"No, Thanvi, I don't wear anything underneath."

"Why would you do that? It makes people uncomfortable. It makes me very uncomfortable."

She smirked again in answer.

"If you're not a proper lady, you will never get married one day."

"Such a shame…"

"People won't respect you as a surgeon either. " She pointed out.

"Thanvi , Surgeons don't care about respect. Deep down, we're all selfish fetichists. I'm telling you Yeahquo doesn't probably give a fuck about the kid on the table. Sure, maybe he likes children. They have little organs so easy to cut. That makes research even more fun and challenging. It's all about his ego and how cutting makes him feel _. Damn good it feels, I can tell you_."

"By Ganesh, you're so mean! Like someone broke you when you were a little girl. What happened to you?"

"My dad raped me as a teenager and he never went to jail for it and I lost faith in humanity as a result."

"You said last Christmas that you adored your father and he was cruising on a yacht with your mother in the Bahamas. You also said that they were absentee parents at best but you were still close. The Christmas before that, your father was a worker who died in a freak accident in a factory in New Jersey. You called him a Darwin idiot."

"Like I said he never went to jail for it."

"You're a liar."

"You're a believer, trust me, that's much worse. "

Vika pushed the doors with her back.

"Good morning everyone!"

"Good morning , Dr Gucic!"

She stopped just behind Mya, the second-year oncology resident. As she turned slowly to face Vika, her baby blue eyes grew wide with horror when she saw the third-year resident grab a scalpel.

"I was…"

"Observing… That's quite nice! Aren't you adorable! Like pocket-sized adorable! I was more about getting in on the action though. After all, my name is in the system. Can you move a little bit, sweet pie."

Mya nodded and did as she was told. Kyle Yeahquo snorted at that but barely looked up to greet her.

"Nice of you to join us! Nice of you to also scare my student away, Gucic!

"You're welcome, seems like my invitation got lost in a mailbox somewhere!"

"I don't like spies."

"It must be hard to be you then. Everybody likes James Bond."

"He has gadgets. You don't."

A phone started ringing. Kyle shook his head in disbelief.

"Never mind that."

With a wink, she turned to Thanvi who searched in her pockets the offending object.

"Vika?"

"Dr Gucic speaking? "

" It's me. Where are you?"

"Just where my boss wants me…Call me Mrs Incredible!"

"Put me on speakerphone."

"Already done."

"Kyle?"

Kyle frowned, in exasperation.

"Hey, Warren? What's up? How's your little trip? How is your dad?"

"I am not on a leisure trip, Kyle. This is also business call. You have half a million dollars of medical treatments invested in that kid. I want a return on my investment. A couple of articles… Maybe a few prizes? I don't know, surprise me. You could get the teen choices's award, I wouldn't care? Make me glad I risked my job for you on a wednesday that's all I asked. What's the status on the patient? Thanvi… Are you there?"

"Yes, sir, BP's 100 over 65. His pulse is at 88. Constant was 180 three minutes ago. Temperature is rising. V-tach is not impressive considering the age of the patient. From where I'm standing I can't see signs of necrosis though symptoms still points in that direction. But there is a lot of blood."

"Great, two spies! Thanvi, I thought there was something between us…"

" Dr Fresker got seniority over you."

He gave her an amused wink behind his surgery glasses.

" Warren, I told you this little man is hanging on fine. We're sailing through the storm. I bypassed him earlier with the N0327P5 solution, Fife's cocktail. It's the bomb. I am entering the lower gastrointestinal tract… as we speak. Everything is fine. I'm pretty confident about that one."

"Vika?"

"It does not look good from my part. Work is shoddy like a butcher went at it. Pancreatic arteries started bleeding a minute ago. It's really...messy. Pressure will be dropping in one minute. I sense that his organs will shut down one by one, beginning with his pancreas. He will bleed out. The tumor is like a giant spider still attached to him. It's magnificent."

On cue, the ECG started beeping frantically.

"Aspiration, please. Dr Gucic, whose side are you on?"

"Mine…"Keeping my job" side… You should try it."

"Nah…They won't fire you. They won't even fire me. I won a Harper Avery and a bunch of other useless stuffs. That makes me a superstar basically. It will be real easy to find another job somewhere else or buy an island and never work again."

"Not if you kill that kid." Warren cut in, not very encouraging.

"Nonsense! You know why Dr Fresker is actually worried, Dr Gucic? He knows if I'm gone… He will be lonely."

"Your ego alone must have his own life. You're hugely misguided as always. I don't dare speak of your sense of interpretation of events. I only want to fire you myself when I come back. Please do something stupid."

"See what I was saying… We're never ever getting fired from this place, Gucic! I was just thinking we never went out for a drink you and me, did we?"

"We did…not."

"How terrible is that! Why?"

"If it's true, I am known to be a bit of a free-spirited supremely accomplished highly functional whore around here. You're too much of an egotistical maniac to even generate an interest. It would be just a clash of egos, I'm afraid."

"Such pessimism, I can tone it down sometimes. I support various charities and I always have one more seat to the fashion week. I love helping little cancer kids. They're my life. Girls dig that."

"I started by cutting small animals after school I wouldn't know."

"Why do you have to be so dark? Are you gothic or something like that?"

"Are you even for real? The mother of god of pancreatic nephroblastoma had just moved 3 millimeters left, BP is going down, Pancreas is done and you're asking me if I'm some sorts of satanist."

He stopped everything to look at her through his glasses. The monitor got even louder.

"I knew that. You did not answer my question. I ask if you're a gothic, not a satanist? I'm aware there is a difference, right? There is a difference? Please reassure me, Thanvi. "

"There're all the same to me."

Thanvi said staring at the monitor.

"They're not all the same!" Vika grunted. "Can we focus now?"

"See, I knew there was a difference. I can do gothic... and heavy metal I think. But the satanist thing is a bit too much. "

He went back to his task.

"I'm not a satanist. I'm not going for a drink with you. I punched an attending for doing what you're doing."

"Really, Foreman hit on you. He is married to a bombshell of her lawyer named Julie."

"I'm not worth a bombshell is what you mean."

"That's not what I said. It's just strange. Julie never told me they were in a open marriage. "

It was Vika's turn to stop in her tracks.

"What did you do with your fingers just now? The bleeding stopped." She said, briskly leaning to see better.

"Wouldn't you like to know? What can I say? Those are magic fingers. Girls dig that too. I can teach you. So what's your favorite place to eat out? You gothic people, you do eat?"

She laughed.

" Spare me. You're just a misogynistic narcissistic prick who only dates model bimbos who fawns over your ridiculous sports car and interns …"

She turns to Mya with a sigh. Mya's eyes grew wide in panic.

"…too dumb to open a book and train. "

"You said that like it's a bad thing?"

"It's not, I am just the same. Call it a conflict of interest. Aspiration. "

"We could share. We'd make a nice team together."

Her eyes were trained on his hands, watching them, tore and clamped through the damaged stomach with depth and meticulousness. He was going at it like a bulldozer. That poor… poor kid! What a great job. She looked up the monitor. He was stable again. Will he be able to hold on? Like he read a mind, he took a step back and turned to the chief nurse.

"Thanvi?"

Thanvi moved closer to the other telephone and the tactile screen on the wall.

"It's done. He just became the first on the organ transplant list. I got a match in Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center. I'm making a reservation as we speak. It can be ours in less than two hours. "

"Just what I need to fight this thing. Mya, can I count on you?"

Mya nodded eagerly before leaving the surgical room. Vika looked Kyle in the eyes for the first time.

"On purpose, I see. You've got a plan all along. I thought you were just a pretty prick. My bad! What did you do again? Those little fingers can be so quick. But what a sloppy job, let me help…here. How is it?"

"It's great. On your right there is a carcinoma. It's almost burned. Take it out."

"Like that?"

"You're a natural."

"I know."

"I'm still on, people."

"Oh...yeah! Fuck, I admit he's good! Like really good! Warren, I mean Dr Fresker… we're good here."

Kyle paused to look at her, mirth in his eyes.

"You called him by his First name."

"Can I call you by your first name too, Kyle?

"You're so...tough."

"You're a bit slow on the cutting and sloppy on the clamping... But you can atomize a mass like it's nobody's business. Nobody's perfect. Now be a sweatheart, do that thing only you can do…again."

She saw him looked up again in her direction. Now, he could barely disguise the hunger in his eyes.

"Help! Somebody! Too much tensions ! Dr Fresker, we're really uncomfortable here. I have a family. Please come back soon." Thanvi called out.

"Will do Thanvi, hold on. Kyle? Kyle?"

"…I… Yes... I'm good. We're… Good."

" I know that. Vika, don't go too hard on him."

"I never go too hard." She whispered before she laughed.

"I'm leaving. Send me an update every half hour. Call me if he does anything inadequate."

"I will never hang that call then if I were you,."

"Hahaha…Very funny... I love your little resident, Warren. She is real... charming."

* * *

Next chapter =Taking the wrong curb


	9. Taking the wrong curb

**Disclaimer:** Same old. Same old.

-9-

Taking the Wrong curb

Phone still glued to his ears, Warren turned around feeling watched. The blonde was standing bare centimeters from the edge of the sidewalk. Not the least bit intimidated or embarrassed by the fact that she'd been caught red-handed snooping. She did not avert her eyes from him. There was a gleam of pride in her eyes. She stared into his eyes with purpose. He did not know exactly what it was yet. He simply did not understand her that way. The boldness… The serenity… Hands on her hips, she even smiled slightly in her indigo blue scrubs. He grew more intrigued by the minute. It was hard to look away from her. He took a quick peek at his watch. Time was a problem though. He needed to be on the first flight this afternoon. He doubted Whyatt would be waiting to make her blonde and him that was obviously a disaster waiting to happen. He shook his head. No. That was definitely not happening.

"See what I was saying… We're never getting fired. Gucic, I was just thinking we never went out for a drink you and me, did we?"

He did not voice his main concern. He did not even pay attention to Kyle and ViKa's heavy banter. His answers when he had one were monosyllabic words put together. She was still looking at him.

"You called him by his First name."

He heard it too. The slip of tongue probably brought him back to the conversation.

"Can I call you by your first name too, Kyle?"

He did not even paid attention to their casual banter until she called by his first name. That was a mistake Vika rarely made.

"Kyle? Kyle?"

He asked. As he expected, it took Kyle a whole minute to answer back. This partnership was probably not a match made in heaven. He missed that part when he was planning ahead. Kyle liked strange pretty young things and could be sometimes distracted by them. Well, Vika could certainly deliver in that department. She was an authentic weirdo. But again, Kyle himself did not demerit. He was a big pile of trouble for one little Vika, a girl addicted to were another disaster waiting to happen. Well, you could never have too much of those, right?

"Vika, don't go too hard on him." He tried to remind her. She needed to stay focused on the job. Kyle needed to remember Warren would skin him alive if that boy did not make it. There was just too much at stakes.

"I never go too hard." She whispered with that sensual voice of hers.

Thanvi was right. That was just plain too much. She was too much of a child sometimes.

" I'm leaving. Send me an update every half hour. Call me if he does anything inadequate."

"I will never hang that call if I were you."

"Hahaha…Very funny... I love your resident, Warren. She is really charming."

He terminated the call just in time for Catherine Avery to stop in front of him. She was visibly breathless from trying to catch up with him. He was slightly distracted by the fact that the blonde never averted her gaze from him. He sobered up quickly though.

"You made me run for you, you crazy son of a bitch!"

"I'm also glad to meet you, Catherine. I'm leaving."

"Don't be silly!"

But he was, so he just opened the passenger door to the car more than prepared to jump in and leave her screaming on the sidewalk. He gave another quick peek over his shoulder and sure Blondie was still staring. She was a classical beauty, quite ordinary he might add. Grecian nose… rosy pouting lips … Wavy honey blonde hair... An air of maturity... It was her eyes that decidedly gave him pause. There was something in there… Something strangely frightening and enticing all at once… At least, now that he could take a better look at her, she was flawed somehow. He found beauty in those seemingly small imperfections, in the unrefined ponytail, the thinly-traced wrinkles around her mouth and the oversized scrubs. Despite or because of all these things, she exuded something dark and dangerous. There was truly something else at play with her. She stood there all fierce and brave in the armor of a warrior… He absent-mindedly undid his ties all the while admiring her.

"Come back here right now!"

He pulled away from looking at Meredith reluctantly as he turned his attention to Catherine. He cut her off before she even started.

"You know we've been through this already, Catherine? Do you see me leaving my hospital for this?"

"Your cutting-edge, high-rated medical center is going through a tough sale and budget cuts as it is piloted by the worst scum medical company existing on the side of the hemisphere. So you can stop pretending you're not interested. I know you. I raised you."

"I was your intern once. I'm not your son."

"Listen to me…"

"No, you called me like it was an emergency. So I indulged you on your whim and came… But I think I know all I need to know about this... place with… these people. I don't want to work here. I can't be working here."

"Don't be like that… You know why I was calling you before you even took the plane."

"We spoke over the phone about the possibility of me running one of your medical centers with free reins, no strings attached but you remained vague at best. There are two other privately owned hospitals with the Avery foundation on their board just in Washington State. Why would I think you hate me enough to want me to go second-grade myself here."

"How dare you?"

"This is a joke of a hospital. They managed to kill Mark Sloane, my friend, as you know, my fellow, one of the best plastic surgeons in the country in a plane crash. You just have to go there, right! Oh! And they shot Shepherd the neurosurgeon and… now I heard he is dead. You want me to run that? They probably run wild in here. It'd be safer for me to go join my brother in doctor without borders than to work here. I almost forgot…Why would you give that ticking bomb that's nothing but the shadow of her brother a job?"

He may have been pretty harsh but he did not think there was a need to sugarcoat things at this point. This was a strange place to go kill one's career. Catherine gave him one of her trademark feral glare.

"Stop it! Do not play me for a fool either! The doctor I raised through surgeries and traumas would not take a plane if he was not interested. He would not take a plane and waste precious time if there was not a chance that it might be it. You have always been impatient, Warren. You are full of wants and expectations. That is what makes you a damn good chief of staff. But like I said, I know you. You want the change, Warren. I saw the way Pegasus does it. Yes, they are our competitors and I want nothing more than to strike them where it hurts and bury them once and for all. But what you built in Annapolis in eight years was nothing short of a miracle. It was extraordinary in its prime days. It was the number #1 medical research facility in the US. Now you're ranked #9 and you don't even have a trauma ward anymore… And you know they will take it further…They will destroy it… dismantled what you build in all these years… And the team of great minds you have assembled there… they will quit one by one. You need new challenges. I bring you this. Level 1 Trauma center. Ranked 7# in terms of research facility in the whole country with cutting-edge equipment… a stellar residency program… Though we have our mishaps…"

She glared at Edwards, who lowered her gaze to the floor.

"This is where medicine is made these days. I've heard you met Pierce."

"You had no right. She was mine. I've followed her for years… I mentioned her just once at that gala last time and…"

"Because she is brilliant… She chose us and you were too slow."

"I don't know how you do this… I probably hate you for this… But overall, that was not enough to impress me."

"You talk a good game, son. Sure! But you were scared enough to run."

He could barely suppress a snort. Catherine gave him a wink, knowing she won the battle and almost won the war.

"What kind of eccentricity will you pull out of your hat next? I warned you I'm not easily pleased these days, Catherine. I am about to lose my job like every other day of the week and I could be interviewing elsewhere. Time is something I don't have."

An engine roared in the distance. They all turned to see a wreck of a car taking a curb as it entered the parking lot. But instead of slowing down it seems to gain speed as it approached the courtyard of the hospital.

Even if she did not know what made her move, Meredith climbed in her car just as fast and hit reverse. The collision was violent enough to get her airbag out, but it succeeded in stopping what could have been a disaster in terms of casualties.

Warren turned to Catherine as if it could be her doing, but her face was drained of all its colors.

* * *

Next chapter= Collision of Spirits


	10. Collision of spirits

-10-

Collision of spirits

 **Whatever you like – Anya Marina**

There was a distant humming of car engines coming from the streets almost like a background soundtrack. It colored the dull scene giving it some kind of urban flavor. It was starting to be a bit warm outside for May and Meredith's face was partially flushed with sweat. The asshole was taking off his coat and his vest as he was taking one phone call after the other pretending to be as busy as the president of the United States. She just knew the type. It made her laugh. He dropped the garment on the backseat of the limousine while the driver waited patiently inside. She observed him for a while trying to imagine what he could do for a living. He certainly did not look medically trained. He was a fair few inches taller than Meredith. He had tousled dark brown hair which did not have quite the McDreamy quality. They were cut short and though she could see the wind blowing the strands away, it was not McDreamy's. His face screamed lawyer. He probably was one considering also how he dressed. His eyes were just a spot of grey that melted into a milky green. There was a faint glimmer in them, gifting them with soul-searching abilities. His face was strong and defined. His jaw especially seemed molded in marble, his skin tawny and slightly tanned. His plush dark eyebrows sloped downwards in a serious expression. He did not have a truly open expression. What a contrast with Derek's amazingly warm blue eyes! She remembered fondly Derek which smiles could lit a room effortlessly. He was impossible to miss or forget. It was nothing like that with this man. If he had a playful smile it probably looked more like a snarky grin than a warm inviting smile. But his hands looked strong she noted. He wore a sophisticated white shirt perfectly pressed with black trousers. He got better the more Meredith looked. She would not call him handsome and not even attractive. She did not know what to call him to tell the truth. There was just something truly masculine about him, athletic without the muscles definition, groomed but with the faintest sign of stubble, sophisticated without the manners.

He met her gaze and almost stopped talking at the sight of her. They were both silent and an air of recognition almost passed in his eyes. She must have been imagining this entirely. He started talking again like nothing happened. This one would have been dubbed McFrosty in Christina's book.

He hung up to take another look at her. She stared back. She had nothing better to do anyway. He seemed surprised that she did not avert her gaze. Something reached his eyes and his face broke into the faintest of smile. It surprised her somehow since she did not think he was capable of it. His left eyebrows danced slightly as he became almost perplexed. She did not know why she pursed her lips together as to not imitate him. It was almost too hard to resist. Maybe she wanted to challenge him… She wanted him to say something to her… If he would just say something to her… If he dared… But the moment passed and he was soon joined by Hurricane Catherine. There was a slight wrinkle in his eyes at the sight of the disheveled state of Jackson's mother. Smiling, she could only imagine what they could be talking about. Then, when Catherine grabbed McFrosty' s arm like it was a lifeline, Meredith had two sobering thoughts. The first one was that McFrosty probably had banged Webber's wife from Sunday to Tuesday presumably sometimes when he was in kindergarten. Gross. The second one was that she'd been flirting with a total stranger. It was not even a McDreamy, a prince charming with great hair. His weren't so bad… Will you stop with the hair? Christina would have barked. What was wrong with her?

Meredith shook her head in frustration. She sighed. It was more than a humming that made her pause. She heard the roar of an engine as a car swerved dangerously in the parking lot. Instead of slowing down it seemed to gain speed as it approached the courtyard of the hospital. She was looking at McFrosty in panic. But he had his back to her and he was too deep into his conversation with Catherine to even notice her anymore. The wreck of a car took another curb haphazardly. They were on its trajectory. So Meredith moved… More precisely she ran to her car... She was thinking quicker than her brain could process. The SUV Mercedes squeaked happily and she threw herself behind the wheel at once. With a start, her car squealed as she hit reverse and crushed the accelerator under her feet. Her chassis wrapped itself into the other car, creasing around it, bend and ripped as easily as sandpaper with a deafening bang of metal. Then her body jerked violently to the dashboard, her forehead collided with the airbag. She closed her eyes. Her head smashed the side window before another airbag punched the side of her face. There was a millisecond separating the two events and a scream left her lungs. Her head was pounding furiously. _Did you feel that Derek? My Love, can you feel it? I can live without you, but I don't want to. I don't ever want to. **What** __**I want ? You, me…the kids. Us together. Forever!**_ Shit ! She forgot her belt. It was the last thought she had before everything went dark.


	11. Things irremediably broken

**Disclaimer:** Apart from the original characters, everything else is Shonda Rhymes and ABC network's properties.

A/N: I was really happy with all the reviews, guys! Special Thanks to **Patsy** , **Melanie** , **Dora** , **Susan** and even " **Guest** ". My dog is doing better, Patsy. Fingers crossed so that she can recover fully. Yes, cats are our true masters.

There's a few things I wanted to say. Forgive me for taking this moment ... First, chances are if you made it this far with me (thanks again), you're probably ready for anything. If reading this story had been a path of pain, I know it's not real good marketing on my part to say this, but it's probably going to get worse. Like I said, I'm writing what I want to read. I'm aware it's very personal. I tried to keep the characterization close to the show but of course, it's my personal taste, that is only my biaised view on the characters. I take various liberties at that filling their past and shaping them. If you don't like it. You can leave me a imessage. I have no problem when it's constructive and respectful. But leave me a name at least so I can answer. I don't bite... much. Kidding! I really don't bite. I love to hear what my readers thought of the chapters. It's the Highlight of the day!

-11-

Things irremediably broken

What is that moment? What is that defining moment? When you know it's over? When you know you've got no more fight in you? When is that moment? Can you feel it in the air? Can you close your eyes and see the end and be irremediably convinced that this is it? **Flashback**. _Amelia woke up next to her dead fiancé._ Sure you had fights before, sure you argued over small things, petty things, unimportant things, you battled over what you love about him and what you dislike… **Flashback.** _Amelia was eating ice scream after learning James Peterson was a republican._ You battled over the weakness inside you that makes you forget why you were wrong for each other in the beginning. **Flashback.** _Amelia was feverishly kissing Owen Hunt in an on call room._ You danced around this so many times. Different partners. Same song. Sure, you told him to leave you alone countless times, you told him you were not made for him and he was not made for you. Sure, you wanted him to be miserable without you and he probably wished you the same misery. Sure, you know life is not supposed to be all rainbows and sunshine! But when do you managed to convince yourself to stop believing in that fairytale love story that your daddy promised you will experience one day? When do you wake up from that dazed state?

Amelia Shepard loves standing on the bridge. It seemed a good place to observe the world evolving below. It was peaceful to her. There were things she did not know about the bridge. She didn't know that Derek was shot there for instance, that once upon a time his life hung on a balance just where she stood. She didn't know he fought with Mark a second time there. It was a place like another for her. The Sloane Grey Memorial was supposed to be her clean state after all. Her "do-over".

The bridge was the sum of noises blending in the lobby below. It was the numbing noise of the sliding doors as it let people in and out of the hospital. It was the ringtone of the food cart's cash register. It was the vacuum cleaner's tender humming. People were coming and going, sometimes crying and hugging each other, sometimes laughing and carrying balloons. She noticed Maggie as soon as she passed through the doors with Alex. They were laughing at something he presumably said and seemingly teasing each other. They stopped in front of the food cart and argued over a donut before Alex darted to the elevators. Amelia yawned and stretched slowly. An on call room was something she craved right now. But she could not find it in herself to move toward that goal. She looked down to see that Maggie had moved on and was engrossed in a deep conversation with a visitor. Amelia turned to leave before something in the guy's attire caught her eyes... Mainly his coat… His watch. A vintage Jaeger-Lecoultre... The same as her father's... Outrageously expensive... piece of pride... He offered his hand to Maggie who shook it with enthusiasm. She grabbed the railing for support. She was blinded by another sequences of disturbing memories.

 _Flashback. Wearing intern scrubs_ , _25-years old_ _Amelia was frantically popping pills in her mouth, until the need for breath gave her pause. Her eyes glistened with tears. The pain was so strong. She breathed in at last, leaning heavily against the walls, her legs no longer carrying her. Multiple images and symbols flashed before her eyes_. _Her father got shot and everything went dark after that."Derek, you have to believe me, I told you he had it in for me! He is evil! **You're sure? It seemed to me that it was all pretty obvious, you just fucked up again.** I'm your sister. I'm your baby sister… and you never ever give me the benefit of doubts. You always find a way to make me feel small and insignificant just like everybody else. No wonder I am this way ! You don't trust me, your own sister! **You made me not trust you, Amy!** How could you say that to me! You don't know what he did to me! As soon as the words left her mouth, it was just too late to take them back. Derek looked at her in distrust. **What did you just say?** " _ Amelia opened her eyes with a shiver. What was that? She touched her forehead with trembling fingers. Before she could take a proper step back, she stumbled, lost balance and fell backwards.

"Amelia?"

Fortunately, Maggie was coming out of the elevator at the same time. She rushed to Amelia's side and gathered her in her arms.

"Are you okay?"

Amelia could only shake her head in answer. She took a deep breath at last and felt sensibly better. After checking her pulse, seeing it was normal, Maggie slowly helped her to her feet. Amelia looked down to the lobby. But Warren was gone, as if he had been but a figment of her imagination. She sighed again.

The sunlight sliced through the smoky clouds while they drifted aimlessly in the open sky. A supersonic plane left a white trail in the blue. April stood a moment on the threshold of the therapist's building. Under her feet, the next small step looked like a terrible precipice from where she was standing. Finding her breathing back became so tedious all at once. Jackson came out of the building after a visit to the restroom. He did not acknowledge her and darted in the direction of the parking lot.

"Jackson? Wait?"

He ignored her.

"I said wait! What's your problem?"

He stopped inches from his Jeep.

"I have no problem. I gotta go to work unlike you."

"So now, I'm slacking off."

"That's not what I said."

April was at a loss for words. Jackson was breathless even though so few words had been exchanged.

"Listen, can we stop fighting?"

"You're the one who take everything I say the wrong way."

"Okay! I'm sorry ! Jackson, I know you think I'm not listening to you but…"

"We don't have to talk about it anymore."

"No, I understand my part in this. I get that I have to be blamed for this… this fiasco… that is our…marriage. I want to fix it. Tell me how I can make it up to you. Tell me how I can fix it."

Jackson stood there silent for a few minutes then he just turned to open his car.

"Jackson?"

"I can't do this now, April. I'm late. My mom has been out of control lately trying to fix every problem at once. I can't give her another reason to worry."

"Jackson? Please?! We used to make such a good team, you and me. We were best friends once."

"Yes, we were. We still… No, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not sure of anything anymore."

"Jackson, I'm not going anywhere without you. I'm not leaving. I don't want to leave."

"I may be going soon."

"What do you mean?"

Jackson hesitated.

"It's complicated. My grandfather suggested that I took the head of the NY office of the Avery Foundation in charge of international operations. With my mom married to Richard and her assuming control over the board, things are not going to be easy here anyway. I don't know. I may need a change of pace. And…She called Warren."

"Who?"

"Fresker. Warren Fresker. The golden child. He is the son she wanted to have."

"What? Your mom loves you. She kissed the ground you walk on."

"I know that. But Warren was her student... Her creation. He is a fixer like her. They take control and fix things. They have a weird relationship really. I can't deal with the both of them."

Jackson sighed in frustration, just thinking about it. April took a hesitant step back.

"So, you're leaving…"

"I'm thinking about it at least. It wouldn't be definitive."

April struggled to breathe.

"What does that mean? What? What? What are we doing here? Trying to fix things that are irremediably broken. Wasting more time! We need a lawyer not a therapist . Not even a priest can help us... You... you can send me the papers… We have a prenup. Should be easy enough... I just need to sign the papers…"

"April… You're taking things…"

"I'm just a bad wife. You want a divorce. You don't want me anymore! So, you're leaving…"

"That's not what I said. I want to find a way to make this work. You're not the only one in pain !"

"You want your freedom back."

"You wanted it too a couple of months ago. You left first. "

"I'm always leaving. That's what you said. That's my fault. I left. I killed the baby! All my fault!"

"April, stop…"

" You're heartless bastard! That's my fucking fault is what you're saying."

Tears blurred her vision.

"April!"

She started sobbing.

"Why won't you grow a pair for once in your life! Just do it! Tell the fucking truth of how I did this to us ! I wanted you. I wanted my family back. I wanted my baby back. I wanted things to go back to normal. But I could not fix it. He was inside of me. He was a part of me… And he was hurt there... He was in pain...and I lost him… I could not say sorry enough… and I was so empty all the time. I could not help you. I could not help myself. You… were constantly looking at me reminding me I was broken. I could not deal with that. I couldn't have find my way back on my two feet staying right where I was. You were making me feel even more miserable every day."

"I was… I was making you feel miserable."

"Yes!"

Jackson lowered his gaze to the ground.

"So…"

"It's over. It's done. We're done. We can't make this work, Jackson."

"Okay."

Jackson pulled open the door of his car. He was slightly disoriented when he sat behind the wheel. His head was pounding with unfinished thoughts.

"Will I see you tonight?"

Dazed, April's answer was barely audible.

"I'm going to stay somewhere else."

"April, you don't need to do that, I could book a hotel."

"I said it first. I… said it…first. I said it first…So… So, it's okay. "

Gripping the wheel tightly, Jackson started his car and drove angrily away leaving April behind in the seemingly empty parking lot. He could not stop looking at her in the rearview. He wanted to stop but could not find the strength. If he stopped, his determination will leave him. He did not want to be unhappy anymore but had no idea how to fix what was broken.

Emotionless, April looked at her surroundings. She spotted a garbage can in the corner of the parking lot and frantically dropped her bag, keys and cellphone in it. A parking attendant saw it in the camera and try to call after her. But she remained deaf to his calls, she just kept walking and disappear in the crowd of people crossing the sidewalk.

"I'm good, Maggie. I'm a bit exhausted, that's all."

"When was the last time you slept?" Maggie asked.

"What to say, I'm married to the job. I was going to rest anyway."

Amelia forced a smile on her lips.

"Why are you dressed as Meredith?" She asked in return.

"Is it so obvious? I trashed my shirt with an idiotic drinking game. And I fell asleep at her place. Oh my god, that's what it feel like to be a sophomore in college!"

"Well, I used to live with her. That's her "Paris-Paris" top. I often dreamed of stealing that top. It's uncommonly "cute". Glad someone beat me to it. So you were having breakfast with Karev?"

"When you say it like that it sounds almost... dirty?"

"I'm just saying. Do you want it to be dirty?"

"Common, we just shared a donut at the cart. It was the last one. Then I had a banana. If you call that "freaky" I will have underestimated your own level of naughtiness."

"You are probably underestimating my level of naughtiness anyway. You and him?"

"Not ever. Not a question. Why?"

Amelia just shrugged nonchalantly.

"Huh? Nothing."

"Did you meet with that creepy fan stalker? You've got the same level of cognitive response."

"Warren Fresker?"

"You know him? You saw us? He was quite intense and... Definitely special. I did not even know what to say. "

"I used to know him…I mean… I've worked for him very briefly in New York."

"Really?"

"I did part of my internship there. Derek was an attending already. It's a long story."

"Oh ! Oh! So he is not a creepy fan stalker at all?"

Amelia looked downward at the front entrance.

"No. He is not. He is considered the best medical head-hunter in the country. He is also Upper GI surgery and General surgery double board certified with a fellowship in otolaryngology. Though, I never saw him enter an actual OR. He'd stopped surgeries before my time being more management and business oriented. Hospital honchos all over the country give him free reins so that he reorganizes their surgery department. If you caught his eyes, you will never be without a job. People on his watch get Harper Avery awards and what not. He was known to build the most competitive and elitist residency program in the country. Derek and Mark respected him a lot… at some point. They used to go golfing together. He was part of their New York circle. I understand he was friend with Mark because their family estate was close to each other."

"Mark Sloane had a family estate? Sounds fancy…"

"Yes… It's not common knowledge. But Mark's parents lived in the Hamptons. He was not close to them. Mark, Derek and the whole gang hung out a lot with Warren. They all went to Harvard. He had a boat. So that's how…I know him."

"I see. That's kind of a six degrees of separation thing-y… How odd! Then he became your boss you said. That's even weirder… Again I said that but the first man I talk to in my new job is revealed to be my long-lost biological father. Nevermind… Okay. I was just thinking he was an admirer. But hey, I just met with someone really important and I kept making silly jokes. Great."

"Don't bother. He is just a gigantic ass all the time. I don't give a fuck if he stays."

"Okay. That's some pretty clear feedback. You?"

"No, he is just..."

Amelia just shrugged. She desperately needed to drop the subject since it brought unnecessary emotions.

"So how was it? The pity party went well?"

"We had so much fun. I laughed a lot. I learned too. But mostly I laughed and got mighty drunk. "

"Oh I missed something then. "

"Truly. You missed the midnight Margharitas."

"I'm more of an oxycodone kind of girl, believe me. Besides I'm on a strict sobriety diet."

"Sorry!"

"It's okay! So, you never did tell me what you guys talked about last night?"

"Nothing important. We were just hanging out."

"Did Meredith talk about Derek?"

"Well, the subject did come forth. But it was nothing deep… She just told me how she met him."

Amelia crossed her arms. Maggie watched the floor and tightened awkwardly the hold on her purse.

"You should be careful. If that little resident saw you with her boyfriend, I'd say you're in tons of trouble. She looks bitchy. She is tiny but looks tough. I could beat the crap out of her if you wanted."

Amelia teased.

"Thanks. But no thanks… We truly missed you last night."

"I'm sure you all did." Amelia said curtly before turning to leave. She did not make two steps that she heard a loud bang outside. She turned to see Maggie's stunned expression.

"What was that?"

"I think it came from the parking lot."She said as she ran to the stairs.

Outside, Meredith was slumped unconscious in the driver's seat of her SUV. Her head was bleeding profusely, each drop of blood staining slowly the fractured window.


	12. Being Meredith

-12-

Being Meredith

The baby seat was crushed and thrown on the backseat floor.

A Blue and white teddy bear had swiftly rolled to safety under the passenger seat.

A soft whistle can be heard as the six airbags deflated in the quiet car.

The driver's belt was torn out behind the seat.

Blood dripped on the fractured window in slow motion.

A long minute began then where everything seemed deadly quiet.

 **So Cold – Ben Cocks feat Niquisha Reyes**

 _Lexie appeared to her first. She opened her eyes to see her sister smiling as she leaned on the passenger seat. **It's okay, Meredith.** Meredith opened her eyes wider, her vision was blurry red. Standing by the broken window, Ellis shook her head in disappointment. She didn't say anything though Meredith could have guessed what she was thinking. Meredith closed her eyes again wishing for peace. Then, it's him. Wherever he is, she is home. It is just so quiet. He is the Peace and quiet. _

" ** _I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you. I want to build us a house. I want to settle down and grow old with you. I want to die when I'm 110 years old, in your arms. I don't want 48 uninterrupted hours. I want a lifetime. Mmm. Do you see what happens? I say things like that and you fight the urge to run in the opposite direction. It's okay, I understand. I didn't, but now I do, I do. You're just getting started and I've been doing this for a long time now. Deep down, you're still an intern, and you're not ready…"_**

 _I am now… Derek… I am now!_

 ** _"_** ** _Now… It's too late. It's just too late and it's okay too. "_**

 _What are you saying ?! No! No, it's not okay! It can never be too late for us!_

 ** _"_** ** _Meredith! I love you. I always will."_**

 _Don't go, please! Derek!_

Meredith woke up with a gasp to the smell of fumes and smoke. She searched the belt buckle groggily before realizing she didn't need too. She grabbed the assist handle to sit up straight. Oh gosh, everything else hurts! How was that even possible! Something gross and warm ran down her collarbone and she looked down feeling nauseous instantly at the sight of her own blood smudging her scrubs. The belt. She never put it on in the first place.

"Help!"

She looked over her shoulder way too quickly. The carnage that was the rear of her Mercedes was headache-inducing. She was hearing more footsteps and screams but she had all the difficulties overcoming the nausea let alone understanding what was happening. She took a deep breath and fought it anyway. At least, she opened the door and immediately got down. She stumbled toward the back of her car. She looked in the other car. A woman was gasping and screaming for help so weakly it was barely audible.

" Me-…Meredith! It's Meredith ?! Meredith! Don't move !" She heard someone yell.

She was fine. She felt fine. She was walking. She felt no pain. Lifting her top scrubs, she checked her stomach for signs of trauma. Finding none, she walked with determination to her trunk, putting her feet down under, in hope, it popped open automatically despite being incredibly damaged. Derek was so right when he suggested buying this car. She grabbed her doctor's satchel, the emergency one and turned to the other woman. Before she could make a move though, an arm snaked confusedly around her hips and she was pulled away. Another set of arms grabbed her by her shoulders.

" No… He needs my help."

Catherine faced her, her face full of worries.

"Who needs your help? You're hurt, Meredith."

"I'm okay. I will help… I need to save Derek. I mean…I…Not Derek...obviously… The woman in the car…She's hurt."

Legs trashing around, she's struggling against the current, fighting to free herself from the grip on her waist. Until, she's got no strength left. Her consciousness was fading again. _Too late. It's too late._

Not Derek. Derek was not here, was he?

"Meredith? Meredith? Check her pulse."

"I got her. She's in shock. I will take care of her. There's a woman in the car."

"Edwards, What is the status?"

"There's a kid on the backseat too."

Meredith barely registered all the voices.

"Who? Who's in shock? It's not me you should be worrying about! She's hurt!"

She was suddenly crushed on the chest of the man she was drooling over a minute ago and the strength in her legs deserted her all at once. She felt the floor getting closer until she was stopped midair.

"That woman in the car, what's her name? I'm okay. I'm a doctor. I can help. "

She opened her eyes again to find that the blur was gone. She was drowning in lights and colors until she could see McFrosty's face up close and personal. She was assaulted with scents of his aftershave.

"You should be lying down right now."

Meredith anxiously looked over her shoulder.

"What's her name?" She heard McFrosty ask.

Catherine was circling the other car to check on the other driver.

"It's Dr Grey. She is one of our general surgeon attending and one of our board members! Also she was the wife of Derek Shepherd."

She was… Why did Catherine used the past tense? Derek was right there. She turned her head again. But he was gone. Anyway, she was still very much his wife. Meredith finally let go on the grip she had on his arms and lie down. She cannot see the surprise on Warren's face. He was shaken both by Catherine's words and Meredith's sudden obedience. Slowly and carefully he forced her completely still. She was tearing up in her confusion. He swallowed hard.

"Dr Grey?"

"Yes!"

"My name is Dr Warren Fresker. Do you know where you are?"

He is frowning in deep concentration as he checked on her pulse.

"It's Meredith…"

She snorted sarcastically.

"… And you are so …steamy…but not… not dreamy at all. Too serious! You're a doctor! I did not think you were a doctor! How could you be a doctor?" She said weakly.

He opened his mouth before closing it at a loss for words. He was genuinely disconcerted.

"Do you know where you are, Meredith? "

"I'm… I'm at work…I mean Seattle Grey...Sloane. I think I have a bad concussion. I… also need…water. Blood pressure should be low…Meaning a perf is in order… "

"It is possible yes. Why did you do something like that Dr Grey? That was incredibly stupid!"

"Well, if you were a good doctor you'd know I cannot remember what motivated me a minute ago since it's possible I have a bad concussion and we cannot exclude a brain bleed. I think I saw things…people not supposed to be there… and then I saw you. I'm not sure you're supposed to be there either. " She sneered, smiling. " Your eyes… You have great eyes. Very strong and firm… But they're so cold… What happened to you? "

Her answer surprisingly made him raise an eyebrow. He stopped what he was doing to take another good look at her.

" Huh?"

"What does that mean?"

"I'm... I would like to know the same thing. What happened to you, Meredith?"

She shrugged. Her motor response was okay. She probably did not need a collar. But he still put the one he found in her emergency bag around her neck.

"Thank you, Dr Grey. That's some concussion you got there. You're right, you probably really need a CT."

"Told you…I'm good…like that."

She smiled. A smile crept up on his face too.

" Can you follow my finger then? "

She did as she was told.

"Good. It's good. That gash will need suturing too. It looks superficial though."

"Is the woman okay? Is she going to be okay?"

He turned slightly. Edwards and Catherine Webber surrounded the wrecked car. Edward was trying to open the passenger door in the back without much success. He could hear Catherine interrogating the driver and her giving very confused answers just like Meredith.

"Catherine, what can you tell me?"

"Patient is a female. She was shot it seems… multiple times…Prior to the accident. Madam? I'm Dr Avery? Can you tell me what happened to you? Madam? Can you open your eyes? Who shot you?"

"There's a child lying unconscious on the backseat, Dr Avery. I can't reach for her. I think she was shot too.

Amelia and Maggie came in running. Amelia froze at the sight of Warren with Meredith and decided to go help Catherine. Maggie froze in panic.

"Mer? Meredith? Is that you?"

"I'm fine. I'm fine, Maggie."

Warren nodded in the direction of Maggie Pierce. She kneeled before him.

"Dr Pierce? She is…"

"It's my sister! What in the hell happened? She is hurt! Is she okay?"

"I'm fine, Maggie."

"You don't look fine. You… look…terrible. How did this happen? Why?"

"Aw…You're crying. But I'm fine. Don't worry!"

Meredith reached for her face.

"I'm not crying. I'm…"

Maggie took a deep hurried breath and wiped the tears on her cheeks. Meredith tried to straighten up to comfort her.

"It's very…very dusty around here. I'm not crying."

"See, I'm fine. This is Warren. He is a doctor, probably not a good one. But he is hot…No... Sorry! What is the opposite of hot? Cold. That's it! He is cold. But I won't die today. I refuse to die today. Common, Maggie, I'm just fine."

"Please lie down, Meredith. I won't ask you twice. Remember, I'm very cold and mean. You don't even know half of it, Dr Grey."

"Really? Aww…That's my shirt you're wearing. Looks good on you… You look like me. We looked like sisters. I saw Lexie. I bet she wanted to say hi! You should tell Alex. He will threw a fit. He can be quite the girl."

Maggie frowned. Meredith was so talkative. Why was she so talkative and incoherent all of a sudden?

"She is…"

"In shock. Vitals are strong. Your sister need a Chest and a Head CT scans. She will be fine. We're going to take care of her. I just need transport."

"Edwards? Can you go find some help! We need gurneys here!"

"Also page Karev, Edwards."Amelia cut in.

Edwards nodded and ran back inside.

"Maggie! We may need you here?" Catherine asked.

"Mer…"

"I'm fine. Go."

Inside the pit, Wilson was showing the interns her foolproofed method in order to take out truly small objects in children's cavities without any invasive surgery when she saw Stephanie running and screaming orders to two EMTs. She pushed the curtains to have a better view.

"Stephanie?"

Stephanie turned in her direction breathlessly.

"There was an accident. On the parking lot. Three casualties that I know of. Dr Grey is one of them. I need at least two crash cart and three gurneys. I need you to move people. "

"Are you serious? Is she okay?"

"Yes, I think. I don't know. Dr Fresker was with her?"

"Who?"

She grabbed a huge First aid kit.

"My guy… The guy I was supposed to babysit...Jesus… Mean Jesus… The task I majorly fucked up! Move people ! You should tell Alex. I just paged him. You should…talk to him."

Stephanie said before running outside.

" What?"

"What's happening , Dr Wilson?" Shaw, the brunet asked.

Jo was a moment at a loss for words before she ran outside with her interns in tow. She arrived in time to see a total stranger hovering over Meredith Grey.

"I'm fine. I can walk. You're doing it on purpose. I can feel my legs."

"Yes I am doing it on purpose, Meredith."

"I can…walk! Let me walk!"

"You know that's not an option."

"You're a bad doctor."

"You're a crazy person."

Meredith laughed. He just shook his head. She grabbed his collar with shaky fingers.

"I put…some blood on your…shirt. I'm sorry."

He looked Meredith in the eyes as he carefully lifted her on a gurney an Emt's just pushed in front of him.

"You're going to be fine."

" I know."

She answered with a smile.

"Dr Grey? What happened? Are you okay?"

"Wilson? How are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you. Is she okay?"

"Yup. As in not dead… I can walk but he does not let me. People, I'm fine!"

Jo exchanged a concern look with the surgeon.

"Dr Warren Fresker. You are?"

"Dr Wilson… Jo. Third year resident."

"Dr Wilson, Dr Grey is stable. But she was not wearing her belt and she took very stupid actions in order to stop a wild car from crashing into the hospital entrance. So, I'm hesitating between recommending a psych evaluation…"

"You're funny."

"I'm serious. She happened to be a bit confused. She's also lost consciousness twice for very brief period of time...less than 2 minutes apart. It is probably just a concussion. But we will need to check it with a CT. I want also chest scans. She needs to be monitored. Can you do that?"

"You're leaving me with Wilson? You're a quitter. I had faith in you." Meredith teased.

"I thought I was a bad doctor."

"I still had faith."

He laughed. It was a truly masculine noise, a soft rumble of sorts.

"I'm going to see if I can help over there… I'm not leaving you, Dr Grey. I will never leave my patient."

She laughed and he carefully pulled a strand of blonde hair away from her bloodied face. He stared into her eyes with something akin to awe. He'd never met anyone like her. That was such a rare foreign thought for him. He was never genuinely surprised by anything these days. But Meredith Grey was something else, really. He noticed the mischievous smile faded on her lips as soon as he paid more attention to her. There was a sadness there. He swallowed hard.

"Don't leave her out of your sight, Dr Wilson. "

"Of course, sir."

As Wilson wheeled her inside with the help of two interns, Meredith watched him walked to the other car with purpose. _Your husband saved the life of four people before his accident._ Someone had screamed for help and he was running now. She saw him help Amelia open the door. Amelia stepped out of his way, eyes wide like she saw a ghost. Edwards came back with more help. Then they were just too far. Meredith closing her eyes. She was so tired.


	13. The mess in my backyard

Disclaimer: Mig owns nothing.

 **A/N** : Thanks for the reviews. To **Patsy** and **Melanie** : I was not about to Kill Mer yet. I have plans for her. Raul Esparza is ADA Barba in Law and Order: SVU. He can also be seen in Hannibal. Category men over 40: He is one of my crushes. have many in many categories, you have no idea. Some are amazing. Some are questionable. I hesitated between him and Gabriel Macht. But Raul is an everyday face, someone you can meet on the street. I like that about him. I have to admit I don't like the idea of "replacing Derek" in the sense that if the love of your life died, you would not be in replacing mood, especially with a cheap version of him . Essentially that is what Martin Henderson, Shonda's choice is for me. Blue eyes, great hair... Easy smile. Cheap version. I can't do Derek 2.0. Derek Shepherd, even if he's not my favorite male character of all time ( he was so arrogant sometimes), is a TV monument, the modern Richard Gere, the modern prince Charming. He had everything going on for him. Nobody would say no to him... He was so charismatic. It's kind of tough. I'm almost sure Shonda is planning a reboot of Derek with Henderson albeit with a probably more tortured character. But it's gonna be weak. I wanted to get away from Derek a bit. Forget about him. So I built this character, who's nothing like him, who can't replace him, who don't care to replace him, who's not as handsome and nice. If you want to give him another face, go ahead you can. But before you do go watch a youtube video of Rafael barba/ Olivia Benson simply talking. Raul is just sexy in another league entirely. Handsome is fine. But I love character with impact. Although, I think Mer needs to be able to stand on her own two feet in order to start a new romance. She is just avoiding these days to think about derek.

-13-

The mess in my backyard

Sometimes, a million of lives are not enough to make up for the mistakes we made in a previous one. Sometimes, just a word would have done the job just fine. It is rarely the case though. Humans tend to be messy creatures. They generally don't forget easily. Though, a couple of guys with beard preached for us to forgive, people rarely listen to them. In the wild, it's different. You think an antelope who's seen its mother died at the hand of a lioness seeking to feed her own brood, would hunt her down and get revenge. No, the antelope would continue to live its life and survive. We're different that way. We spill milk, blood, dirt in front of our doors just because our ego got a little stomped on, because we got a little hurt in the process, because the damage was done. We're just messy like that. We make a mountain out of nothing. We are just constantly prepared to fight wars. Maybe not… Maybe sorry is not enough a word… Maybe… It's just… It's simply difficult to know how to make amend... and even more difficult to know how to forgive and let go.

That said.

She unsettled him quite a bit that doctor Grey. Something in her slowed his movement down, made him hesitant, maybe even reluctant to leave her. What? He had no idea.

"I'm going to see if I can help over there… I'm not leaving you, Dr Grey. I will never leave my patient."

She laughed softly and he checked one more time the wound close to her left temple. He did not want to miss anything with her. But as far as he could see, it was just blood, still warm to the touch. Her eyes were still an impossible blue just like the sky above. Pupils were reactive and not photosensitive. She was still smiling as if on a high. He carefully pulled a strand of honey blonde hair away from her bloodied face. His thumb smudged the gore a little in the process. Her eyes twinkled with mischief, her mouth pursed in anticipation, but she said nothing. He responded in kind. They just stared at each other for a brief minute, an eternity. There was a gravity and solemnity hidden behind the mirth in her eyes. Their cerulean blue held a truth that her expression could not hide. It was as if looking in a mirror, looking for his own reflection as he stared at her. Like a soldier recognizing his own in the midst of war or just after Armistice, when you think of it, when everybody else were back at peace but the soldiers' hearts were still at war every day just being home. The chill that her gaze conveyed made him feel uncomfortable and warm all at once. And that never happened to him before. He stared into her eyes with something akin to awe. The truth was that he'd never met anyone like her. That was such a rare foreign thought for him it gave him pause. He was never genuinely surprised by anything these days. She managed to do that. But the mischievous smile on her lips could barely hide her sadness. He swallowed hard, sobered up just as quickly, letting go at once, as if the single touch of her could burn him or… be the end of him.

He walked away then, rolling up his sleeves, his stride pretty determined. His thought went back to Meredith Grey as soon as he saw the extent of the damage of the accident. Who in their right minds would do something crazy like that? She could have been hurt. Badly. He took a quick look over his shoulder. Wilson was wheeling her in the ER. He grabbed a stethoscope on the crash cart. Edwards was still trying to open the passenger door in the back. And Amelia was trying to go in by the rear windshield but there was so much broken shards of glass, he admitted it was not easy an exercise. He unclenched his fists as he tried to control their shaking. It's been years since he'd been doing emergency trauma. Nothing in his expression betrayed his emotion though.

He grabbed the passenger door with Edwards. Amelia observed them from afar. That was fine too. He simply nodded in her direction, an EMT came to their help, Stephanie stepped back a little and both men finally pulled the door open. He immediately sought the pulse on the little girl lying in the back. It was barely there. He rolled her over carefully holding her neck in place. He used the light on his smartphone to evaluate her pupillary reaction. She was possibly a Glasgow 3. It was not good all around. There was a bullet entry point on her neck and her presumably exit point on her back.

"Dr Shepherd?"

Amelia almost jumped out of her own skin when he called her.

"Yes… "

"This one is yours. You're neuro like your brother, right?"

"Yes…"

" Bullet went through and through. Entry and Exit point : neck and back. Glasgow 3. No pupillary response to light. Breathing shallow. I can hear noises around the heart."

When he did not get an answer, he looked over his shoulder sharply. Amelia stared back with a shocked expression.

"Shepherd?"

"I… I will…I will…just…okay."

The EMTs evacuated the child and Amelia attended to her.

"There's another one…Edwards, stand by..."

"I'm here Dr Fresker?"

"Did you page the pediatric attending on call?"

"Yes, he should be there any minute."

The baby boy crawled fearfully under the seat behind his mother out of Warren's reach. He was never good with children. He crawled on the backseat and just reached for the toddler. His heart was strong. He seemed unarmed. He did not make a noise as Warren lifted him. With care, he handed him to Edwards. A single petal of flower caught his attention on the carpet. He looked up to see a few petals of Matsumoto Aster, two stems of blue tulips, and a white lily coated with blood and black powder mashed together on the cracked window like a haunted still-life.

 _A giant bouquet of various flowers, a dominant imperial blue, stood proudly on the nineteenth century China Trade Camphor Wood chest in the lobby of some hotel suite._ It reminded him of something but he could not remember what. He took a look at his watch.

He got out of the car. Edwards was thoroughly examining the baby boy. She was meticulous to a fault. There was definitely a surgeon there. The boy did not cry or so much as let out a whimp. He was the most silent baby boy. He was incapable of telling them the horrors he'd seen. It felt familiar somehow.

On their side, Catherine and Maggie were in full emergency mode with the mother which status had changed drastically as soon as they got her out of the car. On all fours on the patient, Maggie had started CPR on the woman. Catherine just rolled with it. When they entered the pit, Owen was there to greet them.

"What do we got?"

Owen helped Maggie down as she installed the pads for the crash cart. She called out .

"I am charging 200. Clear."

The woman was shocked a first time. No signs of progress.

"I am charging 300. Clear."

The women was shocked a second time.

"Female, Jane Doe, age unknown, was driving recklessly in the parking lot. Meredith tried to stop her. Ensued a car crash in the parking lot." Catherine explained.

"She did what?" Owen furrowed his brows worriedly.

"Women was responsive at the scene but confused. She was visibly shot three times prior to those events. Her Glasgow was 11. But that changed… Suspicion of internal bleeding. There was also two children in the car with her. The girl is with Amelia and the boy is awaiting Karev."

"You come, here."

Shaw, the intern, opened her eyes wide.

"Keep the compressions going."

"Er…"

"Can you do it or not?" Maggie asked.

"Yes, I can."

Maggie installed the drains then.

" I'm charging 300 again. Ready. Clear."

Shaw stopped, breathless. The woman tensed again on the table.

"Do I start CPR again, Dr Pierce?"

" No…Wait for it… wait for it."

The monitor quieted down.

"I've got a heartbeat. "

Shaw's eyes widen as stupefaction overwhelmed her.

"Yes, but let's not waste time. I need you to place a CVC. Did you ever do it?"

" No, Never."

"It's easy. I will explain it to you. Can somebody go check on Meredith for me? She is with Wilson."

"What the hell happened out there?" Richard shouted angrily. "Tell me that was not you, Pierce?"

"That was not me. That was Meredith. I want to know how she's doing."

"Of course, why am I not surprised? Where is she? Is there someone with her?"

"With Wilson, Richard. But I was about to go check on her."

Richard turned to Catherine.

"See, I hold you accountable for this."

"How is it my fault?"

"Because I said so…"

Catherine glared in return. He was walking on a thin line. But Richard left just like that. Owen walked to the door.

Maggie nodded and Shaw started the procedure. But as soon as the needle touched her, the patient woke up with a scream. Catherine came closer.

"Madam, I'm Catherine Avery. Remember me? You're in Seattle Grey-Sloan. We're trying to help you. Can you tell me your name?"

"I… I don't know…"

Catherine frowned.

"What happened to you? Can you tell me?"

"Did I make it? To the hospital?" She cried.

"Yes. Please can you tell us what happen to you and your children?"

" He… Did he follow me? Are my…babies alright?"

"Who? Who followed you?"

"I can't…cannot breathe…"

Tears streamed in her eyes. Her breathing was labored.

"I need to intubate, Catherine."

"Just wait…"

"It's okay. Is there someone you want to call?

"My husband…"

"You're married?"

"My mother… Call…Please, help…my children."

Catherine nodded, realizing she would not get much more out of her. Maggie intubated her.

"You, what's your name? Go back to the car, and search for her id or any way to contact her family."

However, when Stephanie entered the room, she changed her mind and turn to the resident.

"Stephanie, please?"

"What?"Stephanie answered quite defensively even before realizing it was Catherine Avery.

"Go back to the car and find us some information, a security agent will go with you. The police has been called. They should be there shortly."

"Can't an intern do this?"

Catherine looked up from reading her charts.

"Nevermind…"

"Thank you, Edwards. You're a team player. It's very much appreciated."

Edwards frowned with envy as Shaw successfully install a CVC and she left with an audible groan.

Amelia was working on the little girl but her mind was a wreck under his observation. The girl's injuries were appalling. She found a spot of cerebrospinal fluid and she was sure he saw it too. They both knew it was not an encouraging sign at all.

Warren was examining the baby who didn't appear wounded. He could feel her stares but he didn't have anything to say to her. There was no way he was going to make it easy for her. He focused his attention on the baby.

The girl needed an intubation. Amelia's hands were shaky and the girl's throat clammed shut. She failed twice. Long seconds passed and tensions filled the air. He was tempted to just push her aside. But well, she was an attending and he was just a doctor without truly established privileges.

Another attending ran toward them.

"Pediatric surgery Attending, Alex Karev. Where's Meredith?"

" She is…" Amelia did not know what to say.

"Dr Warren Fresker. Meredith Grey was stable and taken for more exams. More precisely, she is with Dr Wilson having a CT. She was lucky. She will be fine."

Alex nodded and took Amelia's place. He managed to intubate the child effortlessly. He was also worried about the noises close to her heart so he ordered that they take her inside. He also took the baby from Stephanie. Warren breathed in deeply for the first time, his hands cramping now and then, his phone furiously ringing in the pocket of his pants. He took the call and went back to extinguishing yet another fire.

Edwards ran to the car followed by two police officers she scouted in front of the ER. They started inspecting the car together.


	14. The beat that my heart skipped

Disclaimer: I claim weak ownership of Original Characters and that's all.

A/N: Thanks for all your reviews! It gives a boost to my writings and I'm glad you're all enjoying the story so far. To all four guests, please leave a name next time, I'd like to be able to respond to you individually. I don't like impersonal. Thanks **Melanie, Sara, Jamelia, Patsy, carmenb71000.** I wanted to say a few things as an answer to your reviews. I am aware I am harsher on Amelia than what was seen on Grey or Private Practice. My Amelia is different. I tried to be real with her bullshit because too many times she gets away with behaviours I found repulsive. So, in order for me to like her I need to handle her (Olivia Pope 1st season style), I want to make her more human less like a fictional character with holes and a 2-dimensional personality. I used to like Amelia at the very beginning as Derek's crazy little sister, but now she is just painful to watch. She gets on my nerves everytime she opens her mouth in the show. Because she's always so whiny... But there are things I like about this character very much. She is free-thinking, smart, witty, sarcastic,and independant most of the time. But she's also toxic, self-centered, selfish, abrasive, and generally a b*** people. Her character is not someone I will throw entirely in the trash because there's something still worth exploring. That's what I'm trying to do here. As for the remark that she is a badass surgeon, I admit she is good but not Derek's level. She is growing as a surgeon. Yes, she managed the Hermann case. But she is not god-like in my mind, and certainly not in this story. She's human. She's learning. Derek was this way because it took time for him to get there. His residency days were behind him. He was the best because of years of work. He said it to Meredith countless times. Addison said he was obsessed with work and did not look at her. Yes, Amelia was awesome with Dr Hermann. But, that's not the top of the stairs. She still has to work to get to big boss playground and redeem herself since she's an addict. I dislike the special treatment she gets on every shows she is in, as if she's above the rules, as if she's so amazing she is not even human. She is so amazing, her best friend died in her apartment, her fiancé in her bed and still her professional reputation is not tainted with that blood. I don't buy it. You will see me question her professionalism because that's real life. lol As for the scene with the little girl, she didn't commit any professional deliberate mishaps, she had a moment of hesitation, because she was nervous and exhausted, and I heard intubating is not as easy as you see on tv, especially on children. Yes, Raul Esparza is just magnetic... He is such a great actor. You know he has that older man vibe the one you wanna do bad things with. I can't believe I said that. Jamelia, I don't mind one review for twelve chapters. I'm just glad you all love the story enough to leave a few words for me.

-14-

The Beat That My Heart Skipped

First thing they teach you in med school, was how to read a Cardiac monitor and not just the EKG tracing. No, for the next four years after that, you learned to take comfort in the quiet frequency of its beeping, in the strength and thickness of its sinusoidal lines. It becomes a song you're trying to add notes to, variety or plain high-pitched resonances. You're composing a subtle ode to its beauty. You start to assimilate the box with a lifeline, the noise with something integrally part of your patient; it becomes this music box that transcribes perfectly the transition between life and death. You dance around it then. You dueled with it until your strength gave out. You let it go when it's time.

When the Cardiac monitor howls in despair, and the line becomes flat, you know the battle is almost lost and it's up to you to know when to cut your losses.

Cristina Yang took a step back and pulled her gloved hands out of the chest of her patient. The room was bright and still sunny, filled with an almost floral scent. Birds were chirping happily in the park next to the institute. Through the windows, you could see the children, some were playing Hopscotch and some were riding bikes. The patient's eyes still gleamed with life and feelings of unfulfillment. His body was still warm to the touch. But Cristina focused her attention on the monitor that was telling a different story as blood dripped on the white sheets. She joined her hands in silent frustration.

In Seattle, Amelia and Alex were also looking at a cardiac monitor's flat line. In Annapolis, Kyle and Vika chose to ignore the monitor altogether, in a joining effort to screw death together, and save that little kid one more time.

Back to Cristina, she dropped her hands altogether. Mr Ballmer was one of those good patients. He trusted her completely, was positive about his outcome, and devoted all his efforts toward his recovery, doing all that without a complaint. But at last, there was not much she could do to help him.

"Sterbestunde. Time of death. " She looked at the clock.

"5.22 p.m."

She turned to the nurse.

"Florence, can you please call his wife and ask her to come back? She just left to rest. She told me she can be reached on her cellphone. I will talk to her once she's here."

The nurse nodded. Cristina took off her gloves and scrubs and threw them in the waiting trash. Shane Ross passed his head through the doors.

"Are you about to kill me, Dr Yang?"

"No, that would be too sweet a release. I prefer to look at you and just plot in my head my sweet revenge which will take years to accomplish fully. You did this… You told me to go celebrate my victory and this happened… You ruined everything, Shane."

"I thought you were not superstitious, Dr Yang."

She turned off the monitor.

"I'm not. I just thought you got my back."

" About that… I'm sorry I was… with Helena all afternoon. We got stuck into traffic. I admit I got caught up in the preparations again. But I thought Mr Ballmer was stable. "

"That makes two of us."

" I couldn't report the meeting with the caterer. It was important."

"Yes, I know the feeling. I couldn't report my meeting with the chief. Sucks to be a grown-up!"

She said arranging a suture kit on the table to close the patient. She sat down on the stool while she worked.

"And what did he say?"

"That he hates my guts just like I hate yours right now.

Shane entered the room, frowning.

"Dr Yang, did Dr Dupont really say that?"

She smiled. It was this name, Dr Dupont. She was always thinking of the Tin-Tin adventures series because of it. It always made her smile. It did not help that her boss was bald, overweight and owner of a set of whiskers that had stories to tell ( like that time it skinny dipped in mustard at lunch and never dried up completely during a set of afternoon conferences) That sneaky little carrier of bacteria! She loves it. The boss, not so much, he was a bit of a hardass, not totally convinced women were born with brains in general, bless his honest soul.

"Oh! And he wants Allenbach and his team on board."

"And what did Dr Allenbach say?" Shane asked, grinning.

Cristina shrugged.

" We… I really did not ask him. Eventually I will ask… I'm just not there yet."

"Can I ask your highness, Queen of All Evil Minions, why?"

" His research lab is impossibly expensive to maintain. No wonder they threw him out in Paris. I'm doing my own research. I mean you're doing yours too… Everybody here lives for the research budget. I don't want to have to cut it again. Remember last time I did, Ross?"

"Yes, there was chaos, backstabbing, and bloodshed."

"Right. We don't want that. I don't really want him to work here anyway. I mean I'd have known it turned out this way, I wouldn't have screwed him in the back of his car, in his hotel room, at my place, in his borrowed lab, in my office… …"

"I think I get the picture."

"I mean he was supposed to be gone. We were supposed to go from Sex Friends to Pen Pal, perfect transition. Now, I'm screwed."

"There's probably a way around the budget. I'm sure some of us are willing to make sacrifices."

"You want in on his research. Traitor! Quitter! Destroyer of universe!"

"He is creating a mechanical heart, Dr Yang!"

"I know that! That's why it's so hard! I don't want to decide! Who gave me that job? Oh yes, my ex, what a pompous ass this one! Why am I talking to you? I need Meredith Grey. Not you…She is the only person who'd run away with me if I ask her."

" Technically I did… run away with you. Remember?" Shane pointed out.

"Right."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left. I don't even know where my intern is. He was supposed to call me if there were any changes."

"You have to blood them early. You're too soft."

"You're watching Game of thrones. Why?"

"It's a good show. I do watch TV sometimes when there is nothing else to do. Granted, that rarely happens to me. But… you know what they say… You sometimes have to live like the commoners. "

Ross was still not convinced.

"Why?"

"It reminds me of "home" where good people meet unexpectedly with truly gruesome deaths."

"There's something wrong with you. Should I watch it too?"

"I don't know. Do you miss Seattle Grey Sloane?"

"No."

"There's your answer."

She looked at the body one last time.

"Damn, I was so sure that was it... that I found something."

" I'm so sorry."

"Anyway, it's not like you could have done anything else. But careful, Shane, it's like you really don't want me to win a Harper Avery or something. I resent that. "

"I want you to win this. I'm so sorry, Dr Yang. I take part of the blame. You asked me and I failed you."

Cristina turned to look at him.

"Maybe I went a bit too far in the psychological torture thing. Are you going to cry? Because I already have the reputation of a Korean American "best of both worlds" little despot around here so… I don't want to risk an overkill."

"I don't want to get all emotional, Dr Yang. But your approval and respect are important to me I hope you know that. It's almost all that I have… now…I just… I thought he was stable and Helena wanted to go test that caterer who was the one if you ask me. But she is still searching for perfection… That's why I love her."

"Oh common, Shane, I was just messing with you. He was lost to us anyway. The skin around his transplanted heart was like Gruyere… He was simply not strong enough to support my aortic Repair. It was just a matter of time. We will do better next time."

She exited the room and he followed.

"You don't really mean that. It was perfect. I saw your graft. It was super neat."  
"Aren't you quite the cheerleader today?"

"I'm just saying you're great. You're amazing."

"You want to ask me something or you simply enjoy creeping the hell out of me?"

"No, no, it can wait. You want me to go inform his wife. I can do that."

"No and no…to your question"

"But you don't really know what I was going to ask, Dr Yang."

Cristina pushed away the table and grab her pile of files on her way out.

"No, I will not give you away at your wedding. No, I won't be your best man."

"But… I did not say anything about being my best man. German guy can do that."

"Then, I won't "give you away" at your wedding. Is that even a thing?"

"Why not?"

"Err… Plenty reasons, first thing which comes to mind, I'm not your mama, I'm way too hot and we did have sex once. Eww…It's kind of a taboo."

"But you're my mentor, I look up to you!"

"Still doesn't make me your mama!"

"My mother died of aneurysm when I was 8. I don't remember her that much…"

"Oh you want to make me cry now !"

" But, I won't choose an ugly dress for you to wear I promise!"

Cristina started laughing but stopped abruptly.

"You would dress your own mother at your wedding, Ross! No, you would pick up a dress for me to wear?"

"Well, I would…if you… wanted me to. It's nice when everybody's style match the bride and the groom. We happen to have chosen a very nice but specific color palette, Helena and I.

"Oh a color palette?! How quaint? Tell me more, please." She said sarcastically.

" We are working with a few local designers. I told you one of Helena's friend is making all the bridal dresses. She can make you a dress too. I can ask her. Don't tell me. 34-24-34, right? I have this design in my head that would totally suit you."

Cristina stopped in her tracks and grimaced.

"Oh now you did it, you totally gross me out! And how do you know my size? Nevermind, forget I even asked! Really, where is my resident, Sharky, Grumpy, Badass son of a cardio god, tall, black and brooding?"

"I'm just…"

"You're really into her. I get it. She's cute. She's perfect. You're perfect for each other. I'm so happy for you guys. But can't I just watch the disaster from afar?"

It was his turn to stop in the middle of the hallway. He pulled Cristina aside to let a nurse push a patient in a wheelchair.

"You said you'd come."

"Yes, I previously planned to sit in the back of the church, in a place isolated but not quite, so that I can throw rice on you or anything I found interesting in my purse for that matter. A place from where I could make snarky comments on the drunken guests, on the balding priest, on your awkward uncle, and on the ridiculously unflattering bridesmaid dresses. I also thought I would enjoy some French champagne and some "petit-fours" and "macarons" and have drunken sex with a stranger... I'm even a little bit excited for the last one. I mean the champagne part. There's this brand of champagne I absolutely adore to this day….Hum, what's it called? Make sure you got some."

"You are going to participate in my wedding and do more than drink our champagne and sexually harass my guest list, Dr Yang. I want you to make a speech." Shane said sternly.

She stood there speechless. He had these weird boosts of virility at times. It did not mean anything though he was just all bark like a lost puppy. Shaking he hands in the air, she jumped excitedly.

"Oh my gosh ! Oh my gosh! Really ?! Yes! I can totally do that?! Speeches at weddings are my favorites things to do. Ever." Cristina said using that weird April Kepner accent she only used to lull the fools to sleep. She gave a corny fake smile to boot.

" You think it's a joke?"

"An elaborate one at that, I won't lie."

"You're doing it, Dr Yang. I never asked you for anything."

"You're always asking her like a sweet puppy to look at you." Someone said behind them.

A tall gracefully lanky brunet with thick eyebrows leaned over the nurse's station, chewing on a red lollipop. He grabbed a chart to scribble a few notes for the nurses in that clumsy barely readable writing of his.

"Thank you…YOU!" Cristina said realizing it was just Erwan Pelletier.

"I will make sure she comes though." He retorted back.

Cristina groaned in answer.

"Oh "Happy"! We're not going together! Anywhere! Ever! At least not when I'm sober…"

That was said in Meredith's tone, her imitations were perfection these bad, nobody could witness her greatness. She grabbed Mr Ballmer's chart. Dr Erwan Pelletier, just shrugged, not totally shaking off his illusions that Cristina Yang and he would make the greatest fiercest power couple in the universe.

"You should start drinking the night before then. We're so going together. I would not have come otherwise I hate weddings. I can make an exception for Ross if I sit between you and a nice buffet."

Cristina hesitated between feeling flattered and disgusted. Being compared to a bowl of shrimp salad often did that to people.

"I'm sure there's a compliment somewhere."

"Yes, I'd much rather break a leg than go to his wedding or any wedding for that matter. If you're there, I can make exceptions. There, be flattered."

"You not coming would have been perfect since I didn't invite you to begin with, Dr Pelletier." Ross interjected.

"Why do you americans always have to be so snobby and difficult? Of course that doesn't apply to you, Dr Yang?"

She smiled because that was cute. Then, the smile faded. That was disgusting! She was American. There was no separating her from her fellow Americans even as a compliment.

"Because you Canadians are so different?"

"Well, I'm from the greatest friendliest most laid-back country in the world! So yes, we're different."

"It's never been about Canada anyway. I have an aunt who lives there. It's definitely not about Canada. It's about you being a pest."

"A pest is an insult little girls throw at each other during recess. Are you a little girl, Ross?

"That patient was mine you denied me access to the OR for my own patient care."

"I'm a resident like you. I assessed the situation and made sure things goes swiftly."

"That was discrimination."

"Pray tell."

"You don't want to have me around because I'm better than you."

" I have to hand it to you. In my mouth, that would have sounded very pretentious and presumptuous. Wait… It did sound exactly like that! "

"Please, kids, common!"

"Well, that was a rare case…"

"Exactly… It was a rare case and I found it…"

" Yes but he went critical. And Dr Yang and I… We were… doing just fine without you. It just would have been too crowded with you. I hope you understand I have nothing against you. "

"That was… a year ago…" Cristina remembered. Shane could hold a grudge like nobody's business.

"What a good memory, Dr Yang? Patient retired in Thailand with his 20-year old girlfriend. He still sends me postcards now and then. Do you want to see them?"

"Why would they send you postcards? He was my patient. I diagnosed him."

" Well, he must be thankful of course or the diagnosis. But he thinks Dr Yang and I saved him, hence the postcards. Anyway, I'm in my last year of residency and in the great scale of things that means I'm on top of your world, Shane. Now, no need to cry over it! You will get your turn to shine one day. But not today, little Jimmy. Definitely not today!"

"I'm not crying."

" No, wonder you ask Dr Yang to be your mama, you really need one!"

"That's very mature, Erwan. Please!" Cristina intervened.

"I'm just saying."

"Take that back."

"I won't."

"Well, Shane, he does have a point. You're a grown man. Nobody needs to give you away like you're a prize or a catch. Go get married to the hot science school teacher, leave me out of this!"

"Dr Yang, we came here together. We should stick together as fellow Americans…"

"What does that mean?"

"I got your back, you got mine."

"You let my patient die today to go eat fancy food with your fiancée. You…"

"I was in the OR saving a teenage girl's life unaware you needed me my Queen."

"Okay, you got an excuse. But stop fighting over me. It's annoying."

Erwan offered her a boyish smile, scratching his right ear. He was wearing a printed cap not unlike what Derek Shepard wore to the OR and pale blue scrubs.

How he'd like to be fighting over Cristina Yang, but that was not it at all! Shane was simply jealous because his easy-going and sympathetic attitude, his laid-back approach to patient care, his experience and seniority, not even including his boyish charms, made him a favorite among the patients, and Dr Yang's favorite.

Moments like that made Cristina realize she spoiled all her ducklings. Blood them early! They say! She had been way too nice!

"We're not fighting...over you. We're friends."

He gave her that sweet wink.

"I'm not your friend, Pelletier." Ross retorted.

"We could pass for friends if we walked in the street side by side. That's good enough for me. I'm sure that's good enough for Dr Yang."

She had to give it to him. He was hilariously quirky.

"With you guys, that would be good enough for anyone. Cristina, you paged me?" Sleazy cut in, making an appearance as only he knew how.

They tried the "Dr Yang" thing ages ago; when she started, and they still revert to it on formal occasions, when she gives ridiculous business speeches for instance, but mostly she was known as Cristina aka "Badass boss of all Cardio bosses, Goddess of this side of the Universe, Queen of Heart, Empress of badassness and Khaleesi of all Tequila drinking dragons." You didn't want to know where all that came from. Just know there was an incredible story behind each nickname.

" Rudy, Patient from 508, the Aortic Repair, is gone."

"Oh my! Oh Mr Ballmer! Wasn't it Shane's job?"

"I was not on call and he was stable."

Rudy Metzger smirked as he made a valid remark. Shane wanted to rip his head off. Erwan and Cristina were standing back, prepared to duck just in case.

"He was a very polite man."

Rudy had blonde hair with Mc Dreamy slash Justin Bieber's qualities. They were swept nonchalantly over his face like he just subsequently swam with sharks and bang Brooke Shields and the French girl from the Beach movie. He just did not look like the job. Cristina sometimes nicknamed him Abe, short for Abercrombie. He reminded her in that sense of Izzie. He was entirely Preston's type when she thought about it, A guy's guy who like to do guy stuff when he goes in the woods with his friends whatever that means.

Erwan and Rudy were part of what Cristina called her inheritance package, they were Burke's " guys", chosen and trained by him for their unique skills, currently both fifth-year cardiothoracic residents , They became her crew. Yes, fraternizing with residents was kind of lame but well, she had no choice. She rationalized that they were high-skilled surgeons and it's not like she had time to make friends outside of the institute. Plus, it was difficult for her to find people to talk to. Meredith and the others spoiled her that way. Before Seattle Grace, she needed no one. She was doing it on her own. No friendships. No commitments… Just great sex at the end of the day. Go home. Shower. leave for work. Repeat. But then she find this crazy family, George, Alex , Izzie, Callie. There was Burke too. Then she met Owen on a very cold night and she got screwed for life. Now she no longer found joy in eating alone. So, well she had to make do with what she found here. The institute had a 75% of male staff. It was a very masculine world that she lived in. So she became Queen Bee.

"Young people nowadays, they don't have a sense of responsibilities. I bet he was shopping with his girlfriend. Man, how can I say this, that's not cool!"

"You're younger than me. Are you kidding me?"

"That's called maturity. I'm smart and brilliant… and good-looking. So very pretty… I mean look at me. Just I'm pretty good –looking."

"No, I think that's called bullying your way to success, Rudy. But what do I know about these things?" Erwan cut in.

"That too. You're the one to talk. Anyway, I'm proud of it."

"So now you're all friends?" Cristina asked.

Their answers were unanimous.

"No. Absolutely not."

"Tonight, which place? I'm not cooking."

"Let's stop pretending, you never cook, Boss."

"I will not have Claire cook for you, guys."

" It's okay. It will be my place. I'm so happy you ask, dr Yang. I have in mind for our little date a voluptuous osso bucco with black linguini…and… a homemade tiramisu."

"Can you eat that?" Cristina asked.

"Sounds good to me."

" First, I told you I can't eat meat. It's part of my diet until the wedding. Second, it's not a date if we're all coming. That would be quite…"

"I like a good orgy. Sexual activity is very beneficial to your cardiovascular system. The more the merrier. "

"I think I'm out of here."

"You suck, man! You destroy Cristina's Award dreams. How could you do that to your boss?"

Cristina turned to Rudy.

"That's an interesting thought, your thought, "Abe". But it makes me thing that all three of you were paged and my patient is still dead. How come! I mean you're supposed to be my medical musketeers, world-class surgeons, the cream of the crop and…"

"We still can't beat Death… How lazy of us! I feel so bad! " Rudy snorted.

"Damn right you can't beat Death, you guys are useless to me!"

"Your what?" Shane asked, not getting the cultural reference.

"Musketeers. You know guards who fought for the queen of France and stuff. What did they teach you over there? That was a great book by Alexander Dumas by the way. I used to read it all the time when I was a boy." Erwan said.

"I should fire all of you."

"Why ? Because he read a book once?" Rudy retorted. "We all did that but Shane."

"Shut up, here comes the wife."

"Mrs Ballmer, je dois vous parler. J'ai une mauvaise nouvelle à vous annoncer. "

Mrs Ballmer started crying right there. Cristina took a deep breath.

"Dr Yang, il est mort, c'est ça?"

"Il est décédé, il y un peu plus d'une demi-heure. Nous avons fait tout ce que l'on a pu. Son cœur était trop endommagé. Après avoir tenté de le réanimer pendant plus d'une heure, nous avons dû admettre que c'était fini et qu'il n'y avait plus rien à faire."

"Mais il allait bien mieux ! "

"Oui, c'est vrai. Mais son état s'est dégradé rapidement et c'était un des risques dont nous avions discuté ensemble. Vous vous souvenez ? M'autorisez-vous à faire quelques analyses supplémentaires ? J'aimerais procéder à une autopsie afin de savoir pourquoi le graft n'a pas pris et quel est la cause exacte du décès. C'est important... »

« Pour les recherches... Bien sûr, il aurait voulu savoir, vous connaissiez sa détermination à se battre contre la maladie. Oh ! Qu'est-ce que je vais dire à mes enfants? »

« Que leur père était un battant...Qu'il a tenu bon tant qu'il a pu. Je suis vraiment désolé, Madame Ballmer. »

« Merci encore Dr Yang... Merci pour tout ce que vous avez fait pour nous."

Cristina held Mrs Ballmer's extended hands for addition support. But the woman embraced her at once and kissed her cheeks. Tensing, Cristina hug her back, trying to comfort her, the best she could, while she glared at Shane.

 _"_ _Just for this, I'm not doing a speech at your wedding."_ She mouthed.


	15. Simulating Agression

-15-

Simulating Aggression

Though Cancer was not a mean friend who decided to monopolize your sofa because his girlfriend dumped him, it was not without its recognized patterns and behaviors. But again, you also had to be prepared to face the unknown. That was the most dangerous aspect of it. Cancer was that monster with many faces you heard about and never really saw with your eyes, and nobody could properly fight it.

A study once showed that there were only three types of surgeons choosing this field, you had the Cancer Survivor, the Mother Theresa or the Cynical pragmatic Asshole. Guess who you want to get as a doctor? The cancer survivor was someone who may have grown up with cancer, be it as a cancer patient or because he saw one of his blood relatives/loved ones withered slowly and die in a river of puke, blood, and general agony. They generally think cancer is a mentality,a way of life/a rite of passage to man/womanhood, a friend/nemesis you could learn from, and other alternative shits like music, faith, happiness, pet and love can cure it. They're also convined they know more about it than the patient himself who's actually fighting it. The Mother Theresa type was born believing he will make a difference, find a cure to Cancer, then to Death. He wanted to hold the hands of the dying until he got to taste death for himself because he was either convinced it was his only way to redeem the fact that he was born privileged and healthy, or he thought his patients give a shit that he care when they're going through the toughest time of their lives. Then you had the Cynical Pragmatic Asshole who was in it for himself because chances were as surgeon go he was not nearly as good in the other fields, and he thought cancer was an asshole like him and there can only be one and he was in it for the kill. He was in it for the violence and brutality of it. Mostly he did not care to lose a few patients if the few victories he had could make for brilliant conversations starters at fancy dinners. No, you definitely could not say that oncology was a competitive field, not in the way Cardio or Neuro was. Nobody came in Onco thinking they will win the war except for the Mother Theresa types and only the extremist one at that.

Kyle Yeahquo blinked twice. He looked at the digital clock on the wall. His brow was coated in sweat, his hair crushed wetly under the cap. His movements slowed before his hands went completely still. It caught immediately Vika's attention. She looked up and her eyes became a neutral dark.

"You need to call Warren."

"What?" Vika frowned, confused.

After he gave her the false sense of comfort that he knew what he was doing, Vika was finding it unfair that he was no longer looking in her eyes. She was deep in it just like him. His face was tense but so was she. The monitor was beeping frantically and she realized he was no longer in control. But she wanted to pretend just a little longer so she feigned to ignore it just like him. She just stared in his eyes.

"I can't do it."

He had to ruin it, right?

"We're doing it."

"There's no way this will work."

" BP's dropping again." Thanvi said.

There was a rush of blood in the arteries she was currently repairing and the boy's chest was quickly drowning in blood.

"Aspiration."

Vika anticipated the bleeding, she had. But she did not anticipate the massive clot which formed itself just under her eyes.

"Out…Out… Take it out ! What is this?shit?! What the fuck is this?!"She groaned at Keren, the other OR nurse, currently holding the surgical aspirator tip.

"Sorry, Dr Gucic."

"It's not you. Why is it doing that? Dr Yeahquo?"

"He's dying." He said.

"No, no, no… He's not dying."

"He is." He shrugged.

"You, son of a bitch, you look at me, right now."

"Vika!"

"Shut up, Thanvi! I'm speaking."

He looked up. They stared at each other for a few seconds. It was enough to allow Vika to see doubts in his eyes.

"You smug bastard, you said we were a team and that you knew what you were doing. I believed you! I never believe anybody! But you made me believe in just a matter of minute so now you man up and you do this with me! Because I'm not quitting ! You hear me. "

Kyle swallowed hard, his jaw tense.

"Thanvi, call Warren!"

"No, Thanvi, if you touch that phone I swear I'm going to hurt you." Vika roared.

"Hey!"

"I am! Don't test me here!"

"Gucic, I can't do this…I'm the attending here. Do as I say, Thanvi."

The phone rang.

Nobody move as a consequence to Vika's threat, not even Thanvi. The resident took a deep breath. Fuming, Thanvi pushed the conference button anyway.

"Who is it?" The nurse asked.

"I am Liz Whyatt. I'm representing the combined interests of the Pegasus group and the Strauss medical center. This intervention was not authorized and is completely illegal. I was given full authority by the board of directors to deal with this situation as I see fit in the absence of Chief Fresker. It means I went to see Mr Jenkins and I explain the situation in terms he actually understood. He signed me a DNR. He asked that you let his son die in peace, Dr Yeahquo."

" You did what?" Vika grunted.

"You must be Dr Gucic. You're not helping Dr Yeahquo and you're not helping yourself or the patient."

"Fuck you, bitch!"

"What did you just say?"

"Dr Gucic, pull yourself together. She did not mean what she just said. She is under enormous pressure."

"Fuck you too, you fucking bastard."

"Stop it you too!"Thanvi cut in.

"Dr Yeahquo, I know you understand what I'm saying. You know there's no way you will win, he is going to die and deep down you know it. The only thing you will managed to do is bringing everyone helping you down in your fall, Dr Yeahquo. Because of you they will all get fired. That's right. Every one of you… I got your termination papers with me. So, I want you to step away from the patient. I have Dr Hillberg here who can handle the rest. If you do not comply, I will call the police. "

Thanvi cut the communication abruptly.

 **Unfold – The XX**

The staff present started to look at each other in worry. The monitor was still beeping frantically, it urgency increasing as time goes by. Kyle took a deep breath and stared at Vika. He blinked in surprise. Her eyes were wide with blind fury and rage. However tears streaming down her cheeks, black mascara running with it, showed her sign of her he had no idea existed. His long eyelashes flickered nervously as he struggled there.

"You made me believe you. You made me believe you. You made me believe you." She whispered like a prayer.

Kyle closed his eyes, seeking that peaceful place in his head, the one that was forgiving of the sins he committed in the name of his ego, if that was what it was about. When was the last time he slept? He could not remember.

They did not even know her name. The surgery of the daughter of Jane Doe ended almost three hours after the accident. Amelia took a deep breath. They did not quite finish anything since the little girl whose name was still unknown died mid-way through the procedure. Amelia stared blankly at the monitor. Alex dropped the scalpel in the tray and stepped back.

"Asystolie." Amelia said, eyes on the monitor. "We lost her."

Alex then called it.

"Time of Death? 1:21 pm."

Amelia left the OR. She washed her hands, letting blood trickle down the drain slowly, recalling how she froze over there. There was no way it would have happen to Derek. He'd say something like a beautiful day to save a life and smile. That smile would light the room on fire. He would perform a miracle then. He would have saved the girl. Then again, a spinal cord had turned to mush. She yawned. She was exhausted. She could fall asleep right there. She should be feeling bad. Children's deaths were always the hardest. A little girl was dead on her table. But the truth was she was too tired to deal with any possible feelings of guilt. Any feelings at all were like weights trying to drown her. Her shoulders sagged meekly and she looked at herself in the mirror. Why he had to come in Seattle? Why did it have to be him?

Alex grunted as he got out of the OR and knocked himself on the doorknob. He had taken a couple more minutes to close the little girl. He grabbed the sink in frustration.

"There was nothing we could do." Amelia muttered. "The bullet had done too much damage to her spinal cord and cerebellum. There's no miracle for that." She rationalized.

 _Or it was simply that she was not good enough!_

"What a shitty day! It started as mildly shitty then it went on full-blown crazy. How did it manage to do that in such a short period of time, huh?" She tried to lighten up the mood.

But Alex kept the sour expression on his face not breaking into a smile. His day also went from mildly terrible to fucking miserable. He had to talk to Jo.

"It's not your fault. It's not mine. I get that. Still sucks."

Like any surgeon, he hated losing patients especially in this kind of condition. He shrugged. There was still the baby boy, the luckiest kid he'd seen in a while. He did not have a scratch on him. But of course that did not stop him from asking that he was checked with the standard exams. Now, Alex knew he needed to focus his efforts on patients he could help.

"If I could just have a moment alone with the son of a bitch who did that…"

"Get in line." Amelia muttered.

"Any news from Meredith?" He asked.

Amelia shook her head.

"You checked on her, right ? She should be fine. She is with Jo but… I have another surgery starting in ten minutes."

"She was fine when I saw her leave with Wilson. I was about to go consult on her CT scans. I will keep you posted."

Alex nodded but before he left he had one more thing to say to her. It was impossible to not notice her behavior. She could be a bitch all she wanted it wouldn't bring back the dead. But the impact Amelia's harsh words had on Meredith was unknown since Meredith refused to talk to him about it. He just knew both were miserable.

"Whatever you got against her, forget it. Move on. Just swallow it, the pride, the pain, the jealousy. You guys are family. Just do it now. Because she's just like you, she's not okay. "

" Jealousy, you think…"

"I don't give a crap what it is. Like I said she's not okay."

Amelia hit her knees in frustration. Can somebody stop talking about Meredith like she was the poor victim, the defenseless widow.

"Well, she's a great actress then. It seemed Meredith handles pain just fine, Karev. She saved the day like always."

Alex's expression darkened sourly.

"You don't want to see her when she doesn't. She just freaking backed her car in another car. "

She had nothing to retort to that. So she watched him wipe his hands with paper and leave. Amelia did not feel like moving right now. She crawled under the sink. She doubted Meredith felt like her. She looked just fine surrounded by her little nest of friends. What did she have left? She did not even have a home? She did not even have time to make this place her home. And… He had to come here. He had to pop in her life right now. She had trouble focusing ever since she saw him. It's not like he said anything. He could have said something. Then she would have said something back… She'd tried to keep that conversation going because… Well, she was sorry. She wished that part of her life had never existed. But honestly what would it change?

The same goes for Meredith and her, she was really not trying to guilt-trip into taking the blame for the death of her brother. She just did not get it with Meredith. She didn't know how she could so easily wipe the memory of Derek , sell the house, and let him go. Amelia still couldn't let go. She knew somehow she blamed Meredith for it. She blamed her for not allowing her the time to say goodbye like she didn't matter. Like she didn't have a say on deciding the way in which her own brother died. She felt belittled and infantilized. She was a neurosurgeon. If Meredith did not trust to do this one think, who would trust her? Maybe she could have saved him. It was as if Meredith was the only one who had a say in this, as if it was her story alone, as if it was her grief alone, as if she was the only one who could saw him that way, as if she was the only one that matter, screw his mother and sisters. It was unfair that nobody considered the pain she was in. She had to live now with the thoughts that she could have saved him and she will never know now. It was unfair that Meredith made that choice to never include them. Amelia sighed, she grabbed her hair into a ponytail and let go with a sigh.

She headed reluctantly to radiology to get Meredith's scans. She froze as she opened the door. Warren Fresker was already there carefully detailing a dozen of scans on the bright boards. She hesitated on the threshold. Should she come back later? She let out a deep breath. She was so tired. At one point or another, this was going to happen right. She was about to close the door behind her when he told her sternly to keep it open and she almost jumped out of a skin at the aggression.

She nodded. She contemplated her options again. He was still staring at the screens, arms crossed and still wearing that blood-stained shirt.

"Err… I..."

He did not even blink. She took another deep breath, taking advantage of this opportunity to take a closer look at him. He hadn't changed much since the last time she saw him. He did appear taller but maybe he always seemed taller than he actually was to her. His hair were tamed in a preppy conventional manner. He was still wearing that watch.

"I came to see if Meredith's scans came in. I can come back later. "

"I'm taking a look at them right now."

It was all the invitation he gave her. Nice. She hesitated again and reluctantly came closer. After a brief pause, she started talking again. She needed to comment what she saw because she needed desperately to drown the silence and shut down her own disorganized thoughts.

"There's no subdural hematoma or bleeding. No shadows. Her scans are clear. "

She sighed in relief.

"Meredith is fine. Great!"

He shrugged.

"She was lucky. However, toxicology reports showed she had alcohol in her system. The quantity is insignificant. But well considering her situation I have to ask, does she have a history of substance abuse?"

"No, she just had a party last night with friends. They did party hard...at least... It's what I heard. But she is nothing like me or if you prefer I am the only messed up one in the family. It was PG-13 and everything."

Her dry humor did nothing to lighten the mood. He just nodded indifferently and grabbed all the scans, pushing them back in their envelope again. He took Meredith's chart and leaned over the desk to start taking a few notes. Without looking at her, he said.

"I heard for your brother. I am sorry for your loss."

That was perfect! Just perfect! Amelia snorted in disdain and threw her hands in her lab coat's pockets.

"Is that why you came all this way to tell me you're sorry my brother whom you utterly despised is dead?"

She barely uttered the words that she was filled with regrets. She let her temper got the better of her. Amelia licked her lips and sighed.

"That came out wrong."

His lips curled up to turn into the coldest smile.

" No, I am actually glad, I was wondering where was that old Amelia. I'm glad to see she's still here."

Amelia clenched her fists in her pocket.

"You don't know me."

"No, I don't."

"What happened back there is in the past!"

"Oh! Is that what you tell yourself so that you don't slip back into old habits?"

"I changed for the better. I worked hard."

"Is that what I saw this morning? You… being better.

"What do you want from me?"

"Nothing. I did not even know where I was supposed to land when I took that flight this morning. I thought I'll die without us meeting each other again. I was happy then."He said matter-of-factly.

"So, this is just a big coincidence… That you're here...in Seattle... Where my brother made a name for himself... So what I heard about you being the new chief are just that… A bunch of rumors. "

"Do you want me be the new chief Amelia?"

"You know what? I hate you! I hate you for what you did to me! You disgusting filth! I despised you for treating me the way you did! I was young and in a bad place and you crushed me like I was nothing! You were prepared to crush my dreams with it. Just because...you and my brother..."

"What? Is that what you think happened?" He snickered while taking a slow step toward her. "Fine, you were nothing back then. I was the attending, the chief of surgery, you were just my intern. Is that what you want me to say? You always had the nerve, Amelia, I will give you that!"

"I made something of myself you see! I became someone… A surgeon.I am damn good too. You are in my place of employment . You are in my territory. You don't come here to give me lessons. I am head of neuro here and I don't need you. I could revoke your privileges right now. That's how powerful I am!"

"Yes , Thanks to your brother ! He gave it to you. He was nice like that. "

Amelia saw red.

"What did you say?"

"Now that he is gone well..."

"Fuck you! I don't fucking owe you anything…not even an explanation! Go to hell!"

Warren just stood there, hands in his pockets. Realizing the door had been left open and the people passing in the hallways may have had their ears full, Amelia took a tentative step back.

"Amelia, are you alright? Is there something wrong here?" Owen said as he entered the room and carefully closed the door behind him.

She was unable to speak, unable to breath. She saw the world through a Gaussian blur of heavy unshed tears. There was a weight in her chest. It took her a minute to get her breathing back. Owen frowned and looked at Warren with distrust. Warren just stood there with only cruel indifference in his gaze. Amelia shook her head in order to keep it in. But Owen was not dupe, he stared at her worriedly.

"No, we're fine."

Good, he handed her the charts so that she could sign it. Amelia took another step back with the file in her hands, relieved to have something to do, other than look at Owen worriedly.

"You must be Chief Hunt. I am Warren Fresker."

"Yes. I know who you are. Saw you in a conference in L.A."

Warren smiled politely. Owen nodded hesitantly before finally shaking his hand and he turned to Amelia again. The brunett barely read his diagnosis and notes that something caught her attention.

"You didn't note Meredith's toxicology."

He kept his hands nonchalantly in his pockets.

"I figured she doesn't need that. It was low. She was not drunk. I believe it would only add confusion to what happened. The little girl is dead. They will ask for answers..."

"How did you...I just..."

She was just out of the surgery.

"Well, with injuries like that... There's not a lot of surgeons out there who could have pulled it off. As for your sister in law, Richard Webber and I talked to the police officers anyway so she should be fine. So if you want to fill that part, be my guest. As far as I'm concerned her toxicology reports came in clear. I don't care. You're the attending in charge."

She nodded shakily. Owen's eyes went from Amelia to Warren in confusion.

"So you can bend the law for Meredith Grey, my sister-in-law?"

"Yes, I can close my eyes for non-users and occasional drinkers. We all have our moments. Is there something else, Amelia?"

Amelia shook her head, biting her lips. She faked her smile.

"That would be all. Thank you, Dr Fresker for your help."

"You're welcome, Amelia."

"I didn't know you two knew each other."

"It's a long story, Owen. Now if you will both excuse me."

Amelia exited the room quickly and as graciously as she could managed. She did not go far. Owen was on her tail and he grabbed her arm to pull her into an on call room before she made it to the stairs.

"Let go of me !"

"What was that?"

"I don't see what you're talking about."

"Who is he to you?"

"Why would you ask me that? I told you I'm fine, Owen."

"The little girl… Celia Pollard. She is dead. She died on your table!"

"You found her name. Wonderful. It's nice she had a name other than patient 015325. And what now? I did what I could. It was too little too late. Fresker knew that. He just knew. And I am fine."

"I thought we covered the "you pretending to be fine all the time" part. You don't need to do that with me. You don't need to pretend… Just tell me..."

"I'm fine. I just… " Her voice shattered under the pressure. "I just... miss… I just miss my brother. I miss… my brother. My brother! I want my brother!"

She gasped.

 _I miss my dad! I just miss my dad!_

Owen blinked away the memory of Cristina because now was not the time to be confused.

As for Amelia, she could feel it unravel slowly the threads of happy and bad memories. There was a certain amount of violence to it when the sound came out of her mouth and she was left broken there. She opened her mouth again, silently wishing that it could come out, but she was suffocating and choking all at once. Owen already saw her doing that once so he was fully prepared for what might come. She brutally crashed into his arms, laying her issues right in front of him. He tried to softly stroke her hair in a strictly soothing motion. But her head was violently quivering against his right shoulder and he tried to hold her, but she was collapsing like a castle of cards. He was strong enough to drag them both to the bed, but she was holding him so tight that he almost lost his balance there. By that time though he remembered missing someone too and his arms tightened around her waist. He lowered his head to kiss her neck softly. When he met with her mouth instead and she kissed him slowly, it was slow and cautious, chaste and so intimate, it troubled them both. She settled finally, nestled in his arms , sobbing softly, she closed her eyes at last. Owen could almost laugh at the incongruity of all of it.

"Hey, Dr Yeahquo… Kyle, look at me."

He shook his head stubbornly. If he stare ahead hard enough, losing himself into molding of the OR's grey walls, he could pretend she did not exist.

"When was the last time you slept?"

"It's not that…I'm…ok."

"What is he saying he is okay? He was too busy calling us to prepare this insane heists to sleep. It was 2 o'clock in the morning when he called me. My husband was very unhappy."Thanvi explained.

They all nodded.

"Right now, you're my teacher. You know these things better than anyone. I clamped the arteries. I need a longer-lasting solution to slow down the clotting. We need to take down this monster right now. This is it. I need you. Right now."

"More than last time… I can't see. Pick the wrong one he bleeds out. Don't pick, he bleeds out... or… his pancreas shut down. Seven minutes and he is dead." He said, his voice haunting, his eyes empty.

"I got the picture. You need to help us here."

Caught in the middle of this tense staring contest, with the EKG monitor as a soundtrack, Thanvi did not know what to do. She just knew they needed Warren Fresker because this was becoming a mess too big for her small hands. She couldn't carry that weight. Of course, he warned her that may happen with Kyle. He had a tendency to see big and relay a lot on his intuition and luck. They both saw it happen before. But it was always an impressive moment to see Kyle Yeahquo, renowned oncologist, fall from grace. He currently looked like a little boy who knew he did something bad. In a way, he did. She thought as she looked at Vika. Well, to make Vika Gucic cry as if she was a normal human being, gifted with a heart or something close to it, that was plain mean. To hell with it! She looked worriedly at the telephone. She should just call Warren. But he said calling him could make it worse, that is why he delegated Vika knowing she will pull no punches. Common, Kyle, snap out of it, she prayed.

 **Unfold – The XX**

"You can all go, Thanvi. It's alright."

No, she was not going outside without Warren Fresker behind that door. No way she loved her job too much. However, the anesthesiologist, the second and the third nurse stood up looking at the door.

"You can go too, Vika."

Vika groaned.

"What is happening with you?"

Thanvi grunted as well impatientely. She had to see the big picture here! No way she did not see that coming!

"Mya is what is happening , Vika! She should be here right now with the pancreas and the liver. That means she could not get it. This one… here…knows that. Because he knows everything about this kid's tumor… and this kid. He knows that the next steps he takes can and will kill him. He does not want to be doing that because he will be going to jail then. He probably plan to go anyway. Between planning and going… That's not exactly the same thing !" Thanvi snapped. There goes your crash course on Kyle Yeahquo 101!

Kyle shook his head. They were talking too much.

"Can someone call Warren Fresker please?"

Vika opened her eyes wide in stunned horror.

"Did you ask for his father's consent? Did you explain the risks to his father? Dammit, you're crazy. Fuck! I can't believe it… I am a believer now. And you're crazy? Fuck it! Fuck you ! "

Vika tilted her neck back and forth. Thanvi closed her eyes in anticipation...1...2...3...Then the young brunet unleashed hell on hearth…

"Where do you think you're all going?! Chetman, Reynolds, Rodriguez, go sit all your butts down over there. You're not going anywhere. Nobody gets to be saved but this kid over here! What do you think this is ?! Camp Lascoe! You wanna call mommy and go home! Well, Mommy is not here and she won't come, you stupid dumbfucks! I know where you all live! I know what you're doing on certain afternoons, dr Chetman! You perv! And Keren, oxycodone is not for recreational use. Lois, just close those legs. I mean he has a wife. She has the money. He is not leaving her for you. You people knew what you were in for. Nobody leaves. We're finishing this job and that's it! I don't want to hear any complaints from you guys, you're paid enough to shut up!"

"Dr Gucic, that is not..."

"What did I just say, Ryan? Did you ever watch Battle Royale, the japanese version? Well, it's my favorite."

"She did what on my floor?!" Thanvi stared at Keren hard. "You…and me we have a problem, girl."

"I'm sorry, Thanvi. It was just once, my boyfriend talked me into it."

"I said shut up! I'm sorry Thanvi. I'm on a schedule."

Kyle blinked. What was that?

"Thanvi dear, page that dumbass intern again and again so that she brings us our pancreas and liver immediately! Find her Thanvi! If this kid die, and god help you all I lose my favorite paid pastimes, and Warren is pissed at me, and I get fucked in a jail cell, there will be hell to pay ! Tell Mya her parents, Andrew and Robyn...Walcott...or something, will have to come visit parts of her in the Everglades for all her anniversaries. Is that clear?"

Vika glared at Keren.

"You… You wipe my face down. Why are you still standing? What are you waiting for to do...your Job ?"

"I'm…here…I just." Keren rushed to obey her.

"Move, move, people! Fast ! Quick ! So I don't have to snap somebody's neck in two !"

While Keren wiped her mascara tears, she turned to Kyle.

" Now the fun part… If Mya doesn't come in with our organs, we won't make it. That's clear. But while waiting, we can make time… So what do you need me to do?"

" I was in over my head, Vika. You must understand !"

"Nonsense, I said think. What do you need me to do? BP is…Thanvi!"

" 165. 155. Dropping."

"Bleeding was stopped but he is clotting. So I will be installing a Koltzkov – Garig derivation to his heart right now. What do you say?"

His eyes snapped back open. She was a fourth year resident not even a cardiothoracic fellow. There was no way she knew how to do this complex maneuver. Kyle himself did not even know how to do something like that. That means he couldn't even supervise her. That means...The kid will die.

"Did you ever do this before?"

"Not on anything alive technically but I have a good teacher."

"Warren?"

"No. That would mean surpassing him. That would be bad. Somehow."

"Foreman then?"

"He dismissed me from his service because…"

"Right? You punched him. So who's your teacher?"

"Myself. So…"

"Are you mentally unstable?"

"Why? He is dying anyway and you were about to let him die a minute ago. So, I can very well use him and his tiny tiny organs as my guinea pig to further my research in case I get fired and have to go back to Thanatopraxy. Maybe I will be a medical examiner next time! In another life even !"

"Thanato-praxy... Wait? Where did Warren find you? What? No! Stop it! Stop it ! This is not a game! That's somebody's kid! He has a father who loves him. He's someone's only family! Stop this reckless talk! This is serious shit! The koltzkov-Garig won't work because his tumor is causing the clotting and it's causing the clotting as a defense mechanism. This is not going to work, Vika. You have to care for the patient just a little bit for it to work. "

" I… I thought you did not care for the patient."

"He is just a little kid. It's normal to care. He's my patient! He is in my care! That's the definition of what I am!"

"Good thing you can remember this." She said, nodding, looking all crazy and lunatic.

He blinked in confusion.

" I don't… do that… much. Fresker will explain to you one day. Caring is not really my forte. That's why people do as I say... Because caring is not my forte. But I get angry when somebody threatens me. That bitch just did. She wants to take away my job. I love my job… The flesh… The Gore… I love it, Kyle, the sewing and the cutting. So now, you're going to find a way I'm telling you. You have to… Because in this room… you and I we're a team… The most perfect team there is, we're both mentally unstable and full of shits… and right now we make the rules. This is not a mountain to climb. It's just a little kid with very tiny and strong and enduring organs… An Exciting new challenge… A very strong kid whose life should have ended years ago and who's still here because of you… And he will hold on once again if we give him more time and that was your plan all along. So, think of those little organs… What can we do to help them? Him? Tell me what to cut. Tell me where to cut. I am your second half right now. I am your better half."

"You're not my better half. You're a sociopath."

He smiled.

"Okay, I have a very crazy idea. I need ice, lots of ice. I will be showing you something real because you need a real teacher."

She smiled mischieviously.

"Are we going to kill a little kid, Teacher?"

"Yes. We are…and we will be getting away with it... because we care."

"Yes!"

Thanvi raised her arms in victory. Thank you Ganesh! She never saw Vika smile like that! Warren, that man was just a genius ! They may have a shot at pulling this off!

"Secret passage is still clear. Keren, come with me, we're going to get the ice. But I'm so not finished with you and unauthorized prescription. What were you thinking? You think Vika Gucic is the baddest bitch here? Think again!"


	16. Sensitivity 101

**A/N** : I will be brief like this chapter. I thank you guys for taking the time to review. It's so nice to know what you thought of each chapter. Thanks also for leaving a name so I can answer your feedbacks next time when I'm not in an hurry!

-16-

Sensitivity 101

"Do you think she is brain damaged?"

Douglas asked tilting his head in deep concentration. Shaw shrugged as she read the charts again and again, a resident or an attending asked them about it. Dr Karev, the hottie, came by earlier but did not stay long since Dr Grey was asleep.

"I don't know. It doesn't say here." Well, she doubted they would have left her with two interns if she was. She imagined Dr hottie crying by her bedside, holding her hand, if her situation had warranted more care than a couple of suture and a nice plaster on the side of her forehead.

"I heard they call her Medusa. She is very mean because she lost a sister in a plane crash and a husband in a car crash. She's full of angst."

"That's some heavy stuff."

"Did you see Dr Pierce this morning? She was a mess. She said to that attending that Dr Grey was her sister. I asked Adam, you know the nurse... He said Pierce was adopted and Richard Webber was a father because he had a an affair with Medusa's mom. "

"How did they even manage this, you ask? Dr Grey is way too much. But yup she is way badass in the OR. I heard she put her hands in the chest of a guy with a bomb in his stomach. It detonated and killed the patient."

"Wow… She did not die?"

"She is like invincible. "

"Medusa is a bad nickname then. They should have called her something epic like Terminator Jane or…Expandable Maria…or Warrior Princess Jenna…I don't know something truly badass."

Startling the interns, Meredith groaned as she woke up, bolting up right.

"You think she heard that?"

"I don't Know…"Shaw whispered.

"She heard." Mer grunted.

She sat down on the bed and stared at the two interns with incredulity.

"We didn't know, Dr Grey? That won't happen again? Do you feel better?"

" You… You failed at keeping an elevator open for ten minutes almost costing the patient's life. You… You almost broke the neck of a patient on your first day. You two are 007, licensed to kill. There's supposed to be only one of you idiots per year. But to our dismay, you came in numbers this year. But there can only be one. Do you think I should call you "Highlanders"? Do you find it fair?

"Dr Grey…"

"No…It's okay to have fun and makes some jokes... crude or not…funny or not…once in a while…but not in the patient's room. Never in front of the patient…That is "Patient Sensitivity 101".What is wrong with you, people? Buy yourself some common sense on your way home."

She took off her IV and all the monitors.

"But Dr Wilson said… that you're not supposed to do that."

"Who's gonna stop me?!"

They both looked at each other.

"Thought so?"

It hurt just to get down from the bed. But it was nothing Meredith was not expecting from a little concussion and a car collision. She took a quick look at her own charts. She got a bruised rib too. How cool was that? That explain why it hurt every time she breathed. At least the CT showed nothing alarming. She saw Amelia's name on the report followed by the signature of what she presumed to be McFrosty's. She moaned absentmindedly. She was so out of it earlier. She flirted with the man while he was simply trying to help her. She was sex deprived. Let's call it by its name. Cristina would have found the situation hilarious. She was a desperate housewife…well maybe not housewife as she was currently between home... but she was widow. It made her smile inwardly.

Meredith turned to the interns.

"Now you two follow me to learn some medicine before it's too late for your melting brains. Or it may already be too late."

The hallways were busy with life as per usual and Meredith did not make ten steps that she met with Dr Bailey.

"When they told me one of my ex-babies was in a car crash just in the parking lot I just knew it had to be you, Grey. So, I didn't come too quickly…"

"Thanks and well, that's me, the one known as Terminator Jane."

The interns lowered their faces in shame. Miranda just shrugged, used to interns' silliness and they started to walk again toward the surgical ward.

"I won't even ask you what happened."

"But you were on your way to see me…"

"Yes, I was. Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"Two idiots woke me. Now I want to cut something…or maybe not. I'm hungry."

"Since you're all good now and back in good spirits, what can you tell me on my competition?"

"Your what?"

"You know. Dr Know-it-do-it-all... The one working your case…"

"Oh you mean Warren?"

"You're on first name basis already. Is there something you're not telling me, Grey?"

"What would that be?"

Meredith stopped in her tracks. She couldn't be serious ? As if she was that... sex deprived!

"Bailey! I barely met the guy. I was half conscious half the time. "

"Well, there was a time that did not really stop you."

"I don't even know what you're talking about."

"Oh I thought you knew…"

"Knew what? "

"He is Catherine's candidate."

"Candidate?"

"For the chief's job… She is busy showing him off this place as we speak. It's like auction day around here. I could barely catch a glimpse of him."

"But you're…"

Meredith remained momentarily speechless. She thought Bailey was the only candidate for the job and that she will do it just fine. It's not like Meredith wanted to do it. She had three kids. When would she have the time to do anything with them or simply care for them with such a job? She did not want to become her mother. Well! Oh hell! She forgot about them! She was already her mother! She needed to go see Zola in daycare!

"Bailey, didn't you want the job? I thought it was yours."

"Exactly…You better remember that… So is he any good?"

Meredith shrugged with a deep sigh. How would she know that? She barely met the guy. Bailey sighed.

"You're always so useless, Grey."

"Thanks! What happened to the driver?"

Bailey hesitated a bit.

"Sad. It's truly sad."

"What ? Is she dead?"

"No, but she is not in a good shape. Her name is Debra Pollard. She and daughter Celia got shot presumably on the highway by some "road-rage" crazy bastard. Thankfully the baby boy, Ryan was alright. Karev put him in observation but well he is just waiting for the relatives to manifest themselves. Mother was shot 5 times, Daughter twice. Maggie could take out all the bullets with Hunt on the mother except for one. Unfortunately, Daughter passed away two hours ago. She had a bullet lodged in her skull and Amelia was unable to do anything. "

"That's a lot to take in. Obviously, I did not see… the children. Bailey, I wouldn't... I shouldn't have…I mean the children… I did…not think. I'm so sorry."

"Don't beat yourself over that! You probably save their lives and many others with that, Calamity Jane. But don't you make a habit of doing that!"

"Sorry, I'm no longer in the mood. I think I need more rest."

"Meredith?" Bailey grabbed her hand. "I know you. I know what you're capable off. I don't always know why you do what you do. But I know you since you're one of my babies… There was the smart one, the rebellious one, the lunatic, the favorite, and you're the petulant one.

"The petulant one, really Bailey?"

"The petulant one gets plenty love from me. But she's petulant, she likes to brood and pull crazy stunts. You never know what the petulant would do but her heart is definitely in the right place.

"I'm going to cry. I am the petulant one."

"I could have said the slutty one. I was being nice. What I am trying to say, you did not mean to cause harm. You did not. I saw these people. That was not your doing. Someone did that to them and that was not you."

Meredith nodded and smiled. Bailey softly stroke her arm in a show of support.

"You're going to make a good chief."

Miranda could barely contain her joy. Damn right, she will.

"Still need a breath of fresh air though. Can you take these two with you? I'm going to see Zola upstairs."

She pointed at Hansel & Gretel behind her then left.

In the daycare, she stumbled upon a magical scene. Maggie was wearing a princess crown and having tea with Zola and her friends, humans and stuffed animal alike. When Maggie carried the pretend food plate to the pretend oven in the back of the room, Meredith came closer.

"Mommy!"

"Hey Zozo!"

"You have a bandage on your head, why?"

"Err… I… I…I thought it looked nice with my hair."

"You're not hurt, are you? Bandages are for people who are hurt."

"You're right. I just bumped my head a little. It doesn't even hurt anymore."

"Did you get checked because Daddy said that bumping our head could be very dangerous?"

"Well… If daddy said that… He was right like always. I got checked by a nice doctor."

"What's his name?"

"Dr Warren. Dr Warren Fresker."

Zola nodded.

"Are we going home now?"

"I just arranged for Wendy to take you home with Bailey and Ellis. Mommy will have to stay here for tonight and possibly tomorrow but…. "

"It's not forever, right? I will see you again?"

"… Of course, you will see me Zozo! I am not going anywhere. I love you!"

"I love you too!" Zola kissed her mother on the cheek.

Maggie stumbled upon them. She was livid.

"Well Dr Pierce you look positively dreamy like a princess!"

She said with a deadpan humor.

"Hey! Meredith! That's you!"

"Well, you don't seem really happy to see me. "

Maggie pulled her biological sister away from the children while shedding her ridiculous tiara and dropping it in a basket.

"No, it's not that. I didn't want you to think I'm kind of a creep coming to see Zola behind your back but you were resting… So, I thought I would come and see if she was okay or if she was in need of comforting. I mean Kids get unusually worried when they don't see their parents for a while… Not that I know for certain... I don't have kids but... I'm rambling."

"Kind of. It's cute. Were you not in surgery?"

"Yes, I finished an hour ago. She's stable. But there's a bullet I couldn't pull out. Anyway, I was just trying to be…"

"Her aunt… Yes, that's great."

"I know…I kinda blurted things out earlier… So if some of our colleagues don't know yet , they will."

"I don't mind that. It's impossible to keep a secret in this hospital anyway."

"We never discussed boundaries. What I should say or what you don't want me to say about the adoption? I realized it's been a year but it's kind of new… for me...and you. Though you had Lexie… I shouldn't be talking about Lexie. I shouldn't be talking anyway."

"I don't have rules. If I'm pissed off, I will tell you. Or if it's really too much, I'm going to back my car into another car, maybe yours next time, see how it goes."

Maggie's eyes widened in horror.

"I'm kidding. That was an accident. I won't do it again. That's a joke. It's not a good joke... but still, it's a joke."

Maggie's face seemed drained of life.

"I'm fine."

" Maggie?"

She tried to talk she found out she could not. She could barely breathe without shivering. Meredith took her to the hallways and they sat on a bench.

"I'm just…"

"I'm sorry, that was not funny. It's a shitty day. On shitty days, I tend to be dark and twisted… Sometimes, my mouth becomes quite offensive. Like PG-17 "hide-your-kids" offensive."

"I don't know... you…"

"Yes, about that…"

"I didn't... know Derek. But he was... nice to me… He was accepting and compassionate and kind… I just… started to have dreams of having what you have and getting closer to you and your family… But we never got the time and Derek died and… I don't know you. I wanna know you. I want to be your sister."

"Maggie, you ARE my sister. You are Zola's aunt and you can come see her whenever you want. Yes, I was a bitch to you last year but it took me a little time. It always takes me a little time to process things. You have to understand. I'm a slow learner. Our mother was not someone easy to live with. She was not always a good mother and I had no one else to show by example. Derek used to say I was kind of a baby, that family and all this, it was all new to me and I was still learning. I find this statement mostly accurate. I'm learning. Just bear with me. As for Lexie, she was very smart with photographic memory and she was a good sister. Lexie and you would have gotten along fine. I miss her. I know you're not her. I don't want you to be. I guess I am condemned to be the one without the genius brain, the useless big sister."

"You're a goddam surgeon and a good one at that."

"Yes, but well, I can't cure diabetes yet."

"You will get to it... In time... Our mother was a great surgeon but she did not cure any disease either ! She was not a great mother… She sucked in that area…right?"

"Yes! It's strange when you say "our" mother. But it's not unpleasant. It's a relief I'm no longer the lonely girl with the mother in the plastic bag."

"What?"

Meredith snorted.

"I said too much. Now you will think I'm a weirdo."

"But you are a weirdo, kiddo."

"Ok. I warned you. When our mother died she wanted to be incinerated. So afterwards, they gave her to me… in some sort of cardboard box impossible to transport with no additional instructions on how she wanted her ashes to be disposed off, so I kept her in a plastic bag…A Ziploc."

Maggie opened her mouth in awe.

"Don't look at me that way! It makes me feel like an alien!"

"But a plastic bag really!"

"If you knew our mother, you'd know a ziploc bag was the perfect place to keep her spirit with us. In fact, she'd have hated me if I took a day off in my residency to fetch for a proper container. She'd call me weak and ordinary. What is an urn, Meredith, when you could be doing your first solo surgery! What is wrong with you?" Meredith retorted, driving her point home with a perfect imitation of Ellis's voice.

"She was like that?"

"Yes, at the end of the day, I flushed her down the drain in a scrub room. I think it's OR1... Not sure... The hospital changed names…but drains are the same, it's like she's still here with us helping us be ruthless and badass surgeons… from hell."

"You named your daughter after her."

"Well she was my mom… Our mom. She was not perfect. But it did the job, I'm all grown-up now and so are you."

Maggie nodded and laughed.

"She would be in love with you, her little precocious child…or again she could be jealous of you instead.

"Yes, hard to know."

"Oh! I remember now ! You were crying over me. How sweet, the sound! You were like a little Angel!And you dressed like one a minute ago."

Meredith teased.

"I want to choke the life out of you for doing this to me. I can't believe you made me cry at work in front of interns."

"No, you love your big bitchy sister too much. Say it!"

Maggie leaned on her shoulder. Meredith grabbed her hand softly.

"Don't mind if I do."


	17. Story of a loving family

**Disclaimer** : You know I'm just a fanfic writer, right? I won't ever make money with this.

A/N: To get started as always, I want to thank you for your overwhelming response to these couple of chapters. It means a lot each time to know I have awaiting readers out there. Thanks **Sara** , **Faith** , **Karen** , **Jamelia** , **Patsy** , **Jose** , and all the **guests**. Evidently I thank also the silent one who still faithfully each update. A few things I wanted to say:

°Maggie.

It's funny all the comments about your dislike of Maggie since when she first appeared on the show I disliked her just like you. Although her intro to the show was shoddy, I like her interactions with Mer and Alex as the story progressed. Imagine if a viewer started watching Grey's anatomy from season 11, he would be undeniably confused. Maggie was that viewer, always asking questions, constantly late to the party. She was in addition quite bitchy for someone arriving so late in the show. She just made one mistake after another. She was so self-righteous. You hate that kind of character. I'm deeply convinced that if they knew Meredith had another siblings since the beginning, something Shonda had hinted at numerous times, not even discussing the fact that it was supposed to be a boy, they shouldn't have killed Lexie. If they had simply shipped Lexie off on a humanitarian mission in order to forget Mark when Chyler Leigh wanted out, they could have introduced Maggie without the risk of making her a clone replacement of a dead sister. Lexie would still be alive and be the sister of Meredith somewhere. I'd like to read/write a fanfic resuscitating the dead in Grey lol. Anyway, like everybody, I hated Maggie... But she grew on me toward the end of the season, and only because I envisioned in my head, what she could become. That moment when Derek and her hugged each other... Or she discovered her sister is not a racist heartless bitch when she meet Zola, I found too cute and funny for words. Until then, Maggie had two thing going against her, first she was Meredith's long lost sister screaming Lexy's replacement, second, she was a cardio god, screaming Cristina's replacement. What shifted my hate boat definitely from its course was that single moment after a pep talk from none other than Alex, she goes on a date with the tech guy I don't remember his name, and I saw Alex look at her over Jo's shoulders. He could have been feeling any number of things... But Justin Chamber is gold and he played it so well. I know my JoLex readers are about to scream. But when I saw that, the little Drama queen inside me screamed in delight. That was pure cheese... I mean we could do damage with that. I know you will tell me Jo and Alex are made for each other... And blablahblah... You wanna puke because I'm twisted... Not listening... *Cristina's voice*. I will agree with you on both accounts. Jo was "textbook" created to fit Alex, from her easy-going personality to her background, she was supposed to be that perfect mousy girlfriend, simply because the blonde one who stole alex's job, we all forgot her name, didn't work out so well in terms of audience reception. So they brought Jo in and Camilla Luddington's charms made us forget for a second that Alex loves Izzie. I'm all aware of that. Doesn't mean I don't like to see them together or wish to see them appart, or "vice-versa". I just feel that there were signs, foundations, for possible great drama. So, hear me out... Just keep an open mind. They gave me Maggie, they gave me Jo, They gave me lemons, I am making lemonade, caribbean coarse and spicy lemonade.

°Amelia...

Am I an Omelia? No. I'm a Crowen to death. Will it be an Omelia story? Not really but... Will there be Omelia instances? Yes, unfortunately and fortunately all at once...since no kidding their forced chemistry makes for great tv chemistry nonetheless. I think we can make some good drama with that. I will leave it at that.

°Owen

I used to love Owen's character unconditionally but the show spoiled him... I feel like he is stuck in repeat mode. And... How the hell someone with PTSD is allowed back in the field is beyond me. I'm as flabbergasted as Cristina in chapter 1 at this. I'm not american, I was just a legal alien (love calling myself that)for a year or so, so I'm not sure I know how it works in the military over there. But there is too much inconsistencies there and Kevin McKidd can't do miracles. So, I decided to follow Shonda's plan for a while and then getting out of this mess, so that he can truly move on with his life. He is not getting any younger. We have to find him closure. I hope you will stay with me to see that.

° Bailey

Do I love myself a good Miranda Bailey talk? Oh yes! I missed that. But again, watered down, bride blushing Bailey is not for my taste, so she may be a little OOC or reset to season 7 and 8. I don't know if Ben will appear. Frankly he bores me to death. Their marriage is a snore fest. But I don't want to take her happiness away by messing with it. It's Bailey, she might hurt me for taking away great sex.

°Ross

It's really bizarre but I didn't like Shane Ross in the show, partly because his actor was not necessarily charismatic enough to my taste. Ross didn't do anything for me. So I tend to zone out whenever he opened his mouth. At the same time, he is very funny to me, he is a bit of a control freak and I found that worth exploring. I think I friendzoned him since his first scene. But I admit Cristina found a student in him willing to go to the extremes with her and a friend in him, and they have a great relationship. But in terms of interns, I liked Heather better... And Stephanie is intriguing to me since we don't know a lot about her background. And l refuse to believe she was only hired to play supporting character to Jo, or be the other woman in the Jackson April romance.

-17-

Story of a Loving Family

Wednesday had always been a high-paced adrenaline-charged day, regardless of Meredith Grey's propensity to cause disasters. On such days, there was generally a fair share of work for everybody. So when Miranda entered the pit followed by her two interns, she was faced with a tough choice to make. She surveyed the large room. On her right, Wilson and Deluca were working together. The clueless blonde one was following Callie like a puppy since she was asked for a consult. In the left corner, ten members of a mini-league baseball team were puking in basins, a nun was rushed in with abdominal pain, and a professional dancer was occupying the nearest booth with a broken leg. Since she didn't want to have anything to do with kids today, Miranda made a way to the nun with the intern. She grabbed the charts but found out half of what was written was illegible.

"Hi, Sister… I can't really read your name here. I am Dr Miranda Bailey. I am here to consult on your abdominal pains."

"I'm Putshka Bevins and this is my friend Sasha Colter. I'm not really a nun. I'm only wearing nun clothing… as a costume. A kinky one... You see we're friends from Ukraine, neighbors in the US, we have a book club of sorts, but we do all sorts of activities together. We were in Seduction class when it happened. We have this wonderful teacher, Svetlana, she was an international escort in the past, now she's teaching us how to keep our American husbands' interest up. It's a class on how to spice our sex life... "

Miranda's alarms were all set. Don't look at them in the eyes. Don't laugh. Do not…in any circumstances ask questions, Miranda Bailey. She told herself.

"Huh! Huh! When did the pain started? What can you tell me more about it? Was it localized or diffused? Does it hurt when I touch here?"

"How long have you been married to your respective husbands?" Douglas asked trying that patient sensitivity thing.

She stared at Douglas angrily. Dif he have to open his pie-hole all of a sudden?

"Six months for Sasha, I'm going on my two years with Keith, we are brides from catalogues. So, You know she is teaching us how to do a little something something on the side to please our man."

"I see." Miranda's face was reflecting how much she hated where that conversation was going. " Let's get back to the pain…"

"It sounds bad when you say it like that! Putshka! But It's really great. I mean, Eddy is wonderful. We were fated. We just clicked. I don't really need the classes but we have so much fun in them."

"You met your husband on a catalogue?" Douglas asked again, his face showing his total disbelief.

"On a catalogue... catalogue... Really?" Bailey added. She grimaced at her own forwardness. Damn, curiosity got the better of her.

"Can you choose what type of husband you want or it's all one sided and you're shipped off like a Russian plastic doll across the ocean?" Shaw asked bluntly.

"Shaw?!"

"Sorry Dr Bailey… I'm just asking because…well I don't have much time to…date. But I don't want to finish my life alone. My parents are quite traditional about it. They're still getting on my older sister's case at each family dinner. I don't want it be me. Seeing as my last date via social media was a total nightmare, I'm opened to new ideas."

"I am sorry because my intern…is stupid enough to think we care." Miranda interjected.

"It's okay, we understand. Even if we're not technically Russians… Ukraine is another country entirely… But questions are good… It's better than judging. And Katya, one of our friend, is opening an exclusive wife ordering groom agency. It's going to be the first. Of course, you have to understand it's not sexual slavery, it's matchmaking at its best."

"Of course." Shaw nodded. "Can you chose his physical attributes like the size of his penis?"

Huh! Hum! Damn that girl could ask the worst question. But Miranda was quite intrigued too so she said nothing.

"No, but you can asked if he works out and keeps in shape. They fill out a survey on their sexual practice... very informative."

"Miranda looked at the woman like she's just grown a gigantic second head.

"Dr Bailey? What is that thing protruding from her shirt?" Douglas asked.

"Yes, I noticed it earlier. It has a bubbly shape to it. Possible Hernia?"

Bailey raised the shirt. Yes, there was a visible mass there.

"Good catch, Shaw. Tell me more?"

" Hiatal Hernia… Possible stomach nodes… A couple of CAT Scans may tell us more about it."

"Very good." Bailey complimented. She smiled at the patient.

"We will do a few more exams to know what we have to do here. Mrs Bevins... Mrs Colter...

It had been told so much that the new interns were living breathing idiots, even Bailey started to believe it. But there was something there. They definitely had to work for it but it was not hopeless.

"I will leave you to prep the patient for her exams. Shaw, don't lose the brownie points for not being an airhead I just gave you. Cherish them and don't do anything silly."

Miranda met with Callie Torres half-way to the elevator. They got in together.

"So, did I miss a car crash and the arrival of the next contender or what?" Callie said with glee.

"You knew…about Catherine's plans."

"Nope, not a word of it… She is good with secrets. No, what happened is… Nurse Adam just gave me a crash course or a GSM news update if you prefer…GSM for Grey Sloane Memorial channel if you didn't catch my drift yet…"

"That woman, Catherine Avery, she will be the death of me. She is seriously testing me."

"And I thought she was so quiet these days due to being drowned in honeymoon glee! Like she was tamed… and domesticated like those big old cats… I am glad that's not the case though. A nice Catherine, a tame Catherine makes for boring days indeed."

"You didn't see her order everyone around like she was in an extension of Brigham."

Callie shrugged.

"Is he hot? The new chief?"

"Torres, I'm your new chief. I'm sorry you didn't get that memo. But there will be no one but me to fill that position."

"Come on Bailey… A little competition never killed anyone."

"You're simply too much. You love new blood."

"I admit I love new blood. We need new blood too. Only 63% of our positions are filled since the Harper Avery's big fail. Some people are still resigning everyday… So if he can do something about that…"

"Didn't you hear me say I'm the new chief?

"Yes, but you can't really want to be the new chief. It's boring and tedious… and did I say boring. You never get to see the inside of an OR. You never leave this place since there is so much to do. People always complain to you about things you don't have no power over. Like…Oh it's raining! It's the chief's fault! Oh there's no paper toilet! It's the chief's fault! My spouse dump me! It's the chief's fault! You're Fun Bailey! Badass Bailey! You deserve better! So is he cute?"

"I don't know. I hate his guts just like I hate yours, right now."

"Nonsense, did you talk to him at least?"

"No, that will only make me hate him more."

"Who talked to him then?"

"He took care of Grey after the accident quite well. She's awake. They're on first name basis already?"

"Do you think they already know each other…in that intense biblical sense? I wouldn't put it past her… It's been quite a rough year for her."

"You're nasty and I already asked and she said no."

"Do you believe her?"

"You do love a good gossip too, I remember that. So get this fresh one, Torres, I will be the next chief. That will be my last words." Bailey said just in time to get to her floor destination and leave Callie behind.

"You're no fun! " Callie crossed her arms in front of her, amused.

"No, you will improve naturally. That was a good diagnosis." Jo said to "Mildly hot" as they strolled through the surgical floor. Deluca gave her a very boyish shrug, his hands deep in his lab coat's pocket. Jo was trying not to smile too much because after almost a day of shift, Andrew Deluca was the type of intern who still looks and smells heavenly good .

"I wasn't so sure. I mean it's way more than I thought it would be."

"You have no idea? You think Med School was hard. This is the real deal. But you showed promise today and last time too. I mean you're… g…promising. I wouldn't be too hard on myself if I was you."

"That's really nice of you to say... Dr Wilson."

"Yes, you will gain confidence as you gain experience. I will see you later, Andrew… I mean Deluca."

"Andrew is fine."

She waved in his direction and pushed the resident's room. She almost jumped out of her skin, startled, as she realized Stephanie was waiting behind the door for her. That was so not what it looks like…

" That is…"

"I see you made friends with the enemy."

"We were just talking… He made his first diagnosis about a patient we had. She's going to make a quick recovery and he's to be thanked for that."

"He has a brain?"

"It's a comatose brain like the others. But he is waking up. I'm sure he will be fine on the long run."

Stephanie did not look so convinced.

"He was hitting on you."

"No! He was not? You think? No, that's quite ridiculous. He was not. I was not."

"You look flustered."

"I'm not."

"How is Grey?"

"She is fine. Amelia and Jesus...I mean your guy... cleared her from subdural hematoma risks. As a result, she escaped my watch. So she is a patient on the run which means she is no longer my problem..."

"You were watching her?"

"Not really. Your interns…"

"I told you not to trust them. That's how you get in trouble when you start believing they have a brain. Don't do that!"

"Don't be mean! They're not that bad. I mean Deluca is quite fine."

"In what way is he fine? Because if it's his hair I guess I can see your point."

"He is devoted to his job. He really wants to help the patients."

"Alright! I applaud his devotion to his job. Now, you could have left Meredith with him."

"She will be fine. You're making me feel all guilty. I'm not even on call. Why are you so grumpy?"

" I'm so not grumpy." Stephanie grunted.

She let herself fall in the armchair and rolled to keep her legs up on the back of the chair.

"So, your day is still something out of a Stephen king novel?"

"What gave it away?"

"Well, it's the way you sit, head upside down. It creeps me out to be frank."

"I want another perspective on the world. It's not a crime."

"Of course, I'm with you, girlfriend, I just want to review what it is that made me fall for that jerk."

"You're in love with Alex Karev. Stop calling the love of your life a jerk. It's getting old and it's disrespectful for all the other singles in the world who wish to have half of what you have."

"I don't know what to call him right now other than give him mean nicknames."

"He is not cheating on you, Jo."

"How would you know?"

"Because he is your boyfriend, he loves you and you trust him."

"You trusted Jackson enough to go with him to his ex's wedding where he made a fool of you."

Jo bit a lip. That came out wrong. Still, head upside down, Stephanie sent a glare in a direction.

"You don't say!"

"I'm sorry I didn't mean…"

"To throw in my face my past mistakes..."

"Stephanie…"

"Go ahead! Make a scandal because he just laughed at another woman's joke this morning ! Just do it! I will bring the pitchforks and the torches! And the matches to lit the torches! And the cross so we can nail him onto it… while we dance with our torches!"

"You think I'm being ridiculous and you don't get it…"

"What I don't get is how I can be talking to you about your fantastic love life when I could be doing something to become an actual surgeon."

"You think I'm just making this up."

"You're not listening to me. I don't care Jo. Alex and you… It's just so petty. No… He was right all along. He saw me fifteen seconds and summed up all that is wrong in my life. I wanted to become a surgeon for you don't know how long. I worked so hard and sacrifice so much to realize my dream. I have one of those big loans hanging over my head… But still to this day, I let people drive me in the wrong direction, distracting me from my goals, and sending me on goose chase. I let them bully me into that other person I don't recognize. This is not what I signed up for when I entered the program."

"What?" Confusion marred Jo's face.

"Anyway, do as you want with Alex! That's your relationship! Not mine! Like you reminded me a minute ago, mine was dead in the water before I even entered that barn. "

Stephanie bolted up right, grabbed her lab coat, leaving Jo to ponder what she said wrong.

"Dr Karev, the father is here…"

Alex looked up at the nurse. He just finishes scrubbing himself clean after his second surgery had just ended. He yawned not too elegantly as an answer.

"Huh?"

"Mr Pollard is here… "

"Yes… Shit! I will be there in a minute."

It took him ten more minutes to change scrubs entirely. He had been sweating all day and honestly he needed a shower more than a change of clothes but he was already late as it is. He looked again at his watch. He needed to find Jo. He had not seen her all day and he didn't know if it was all a coincidence or if she was holding one those chick's grudge against him. He needed to apologize for his behavior before everything blew up in his face. But he had another surgery and he was already late.

"I'm Doctor Karev. Are you Mr Pollard?"

"Yes, they told me my family is here. I want to…see them."

He had not imagined him like that. Pollard was a frail man with red shifty eyes, dressed in a suit and tie that had seen better days. He honestly did not look totally put together. But who would in theses type of condition?

"Yes, they arrived this morning. Your wife was driving and she was…"

"When can I see them?"

Alex hated to be the one to deliver bad news.

"I am sorry. I don't know if the police explained to you what happened. Your wife and your daughter both came in with gunshot wounds and they were both treated immediately by our team of doctors. Your son Ryan was safe and uninjured. Unfortunately, your daughter's injuries were beyond severe and despite all our best efforts, we were unable to resuscitate her. "

"What do you mean? Can I see my wife? I want to know if I can see my wife. I just need to see her…"

"Your daughter, Celia, has died. I'm sorry for your loss."

Clay Pollard took a deep breath.

"Can I see my wife?"

"Your wife is in ICU. I will let the doctors who treated her know you're here so that they can come and talk to you."

"I want to see her. "

Alex frowned.

"Do you want to sit down?"

"I… No… I'm… The police officers were quite… helpful… I don't need to sit down."

"I'm going to see if someone can take you to her."

"I lost my job yesterday."

No shit! No wonder he was a mess. Alex was at a loss of what to do or what to say. He did his job. He cared for the little girl. He did his best. He delivered the news to the father. And short of hugging him, there was nothing he could do to comfort him.

"Oh! I am sorry to hear that."

"I just lost my job. Can I see my wife?"

"I will… I will try to make it happen. This is Lisa, she is a nurse here, you can ask her anything you want."

Alex nodded for Lisa to take over and she gladly did. He went back upstairs where he met with Dr Bailey just outside the elevator.

"Hey, Karev, I heard the bad news…"

"Just saw the father… he was so out of it."

"The man just lost his daughter."

"It's not that. He didn't ask to see Ryan or his daughter. He just wanted to see the mother. It's weird. He is weird."

He tilted his head because a weird shiver travelled his spine. He needed to eat something.

"People grieve in weird ways, ask Grey about it. Oh and I just met with Ukrainian wives on catalogues. Yes, they exist. They were taking classes to improve their husband's sex lives, not their own, just their husbands'. It's like the nineteenth century all over again… Instead of being just a slave, they want me to be a sex-slave to my husband. That's too much work but I will not speak up because today is my non-judge-y day."

"Did you see Meredith?"

"Yes, she's out and about in the way only… she can after pulling such a stunt."

"I don't know what's wrong with her. She was fine this morning."

Everyone would have taken this comment at face value, literally, Meredith Grey was indeed fine and healthy, but not Miranda, she knew he wasn't really telling the whole story. She raised them all, even lazy bad boy over here. She knew when they were attempting to bullshit their way out of some deep mess. She was obviously always tempted to let her ducklings drown but as a caring mother hen she knew she had to extend a hand.

"Don't take me for a fool, you know better than to do that, Alex. How long has she been like this?"

"You know how she can be. She was fine I swear…" He paused and she saw him roll his shoulders again. It was like he suddenly remembered something.

"She left for nine freaking months. She had a baby by herself. She only called me to get her… So I don't know. She seemed fine… At the same time, I don't know. I don't know the person she is right now. She seemed so freaking disconnected all the times."

"It will get better."

"Next time, there is a bomb, she will jump on it?"

"Karev…"

"I'm trying to be supportive here. I'm trying to be a good friend… You know better than to even expect that from me, Bailey. I'm trying but they all abandoned the ship, Cristina, Derek…George… Izzie… Lexie… They don't fucking care where they are. It's a ghost ship right now and I'm stuck cleaning up the mess. I can't clean up my own mess… But I have to clean theirs? How the hell is that fair!"

Miranda let out a sigh as she watched him go. Of course, Meredith Grey was not fine. She could pretend all she wanted. Miranda was even inclined to help her play this game because she, like Karev, didn't know how else to help her.


	18. The price of Temperance

-18-

The Price of Temperance

It was early afternoon when Warren pushed the doors of the emerald city bar, hoping it will be a nice way to unwind a little bit after his impromptu meeting with Amelia Shepherd. He also heard from the staff they had Buffalo wings here and well… He wouldn't say no to that right now though he did ate a salad with Catherine earlier. MS MR sang in the background "Bones". Let's just Seattle Grey Sloan's cafeteria was not the worse place where he hated, far from that. But it wasn't the best either. Warren pulled out his cellphone but changed his mind at the last minute. He sat down on one of the stool bar. He needed a fifteen-minute cut from the world in order to enjoy some highly cholesterol-laden carb-saturated spicy chicken. The bartender approached to take his command with the friendliest smile.

"I am Joe, happy owner of this little joint? What can I get you?"

"Hi, Warren. I'd like two servings of your buffalo wings, heard they were famous."

"Let me guess it's a Seattle Grey Sloane's reputation? I send them a lot of patients."

Warren looked up with a frown. Joe waved apologetically at his own goofiness.

"Sorry, that was my way to know if you were a doctor or not. Usually doctors don't get it's just a joke!"

"I got the joke though." Warren said smiling faintly.

"But you're a doctor? The kind?"

"Surgeon. General. ORL. "

"I knew it. I knew a very good one. Sadly he passed away. What will you drink with that? "

" I'm sorry to hear that. A Warsteiner please. Make it icy."

"It's coming right up."

Joe nodded with a smile and turned on heels to go to the kitchen. A chair scrapped on the wooden flooring. Someone in a dark hoodie sat down next to him.

"Two servings of Buffalo Wings. We live dangerously these days, Ambesa."

Warren closed his eyes. Ambesa was the first name unfortunately scribbled on his passport. What? His parents were rebels of some sorts. So, Warren Cash were his middle names. Ambesa was part of a past, some past that had been even long before Amelia Shepherd entered the picture. It was a past, at some point he was cool with, but these days no longer wish to revisit as if that part of himself, who was born in Addis Abbeba years ago, grew up with his brothers doing mischiefs and good deeds in various African countries, travelled the world never staying in one place for long, like that part was now dead. He remembered reluctantly the haunting vision of Matsumoto Aster, blue tulips, and white lilies. He turned to face the man on the next stool.

"Have we met already?"

Jackson Avery frowned. Shaking his head in confusion, Warren picked up an olive.

"Warren… It's…me…"

His face broke out in a teasing smile. God, he was still so young and gullible.

"Man, You almost got me there."

He extended his hand to Jackson and they exchanged a warm bro hug.

"I had a little doubt. I can see you dropped the stuffed animals… to grow a beard."

"I was in Junior high not… I never had stuffed animals. They were dinosaurs, plastic dinosaurs. Very exact scientific reproductions."

Warren nodded, even more amused.

"Right. You look… great… is what I mean. I followed you…"

"On twitter?"

Jackson's tone had shifted drastically to icy cold. Warren did not answer as Joe served his beers and chicken.

"I was about to say that I followed your career. But if you want me to follow you on twitter, I will open an account right away. I'm sure you have plenty things interesting to say in 140 characters."

"It's just it would have been nice to have some news from you… after that whole… fiasco. I mean just a few words… Hey, Jackson, buddy, I accidentally banged your mom, my mentor, my teacher, which caused the biggest rift between us. I have to split town now. But we're still buddies."

Warren suckled on a slice of lemon, grinning as acid flavor hit his taste buds in the worst way possible. To say he never went down Memory lane quite like that before was an understatement! First Amelia, now that… Though he couldn't say he came completely unprepared. This, he had known all along was bound to happen. Still, he though Jackson was wrong to make it such a huge deal. There's a list of five hundred names, of people he allegedly let down during his life. Jackson shouldn't make it such a big deal that he was so clearly on top of it.

"That was decades ago… But I still can send you that email." He teased.

"Why did you come?"

Warren shook his head slightly and sighed. Why the arrogant blind man must always pick a fight with his guide? An Ethiopian proverb said.

"Your mother asked me too." He simply said.

"You always do what she tells you to do?"

That right there was exactly why he had to go. Having to answer those kinds of silly nonsensical questions was beyond him.

He took a slow sip at the non-alcoholic beer.

"What happened between your mother and I… I shouldn't have to explain it to you. Well, these things happened between consenting adults… That was years ago. Now, let it go…"

Jackson was having none of it though.

"You screwed my mom and you left me behind. I was an awkward kid with glasses and braces and no friends. You took me to baseball and basket-ball games… Teach me to fight. You taught me how to sail, how to talk to girls… We went fishing together. Then you screwed my mom behind my back and left town without saying goodbye."

Closing his eyes in genuine frustration, Warren sighed.

" Listen, Jackson…"

"No, I don't want to listen. I was waiting for you to call. I was waiting for a letter. I was waiting for anything, a sign, a message written in the sky, anything really. I never waited for my own father to speak to me. But I waited for you. I send you letters. I found your number. I called. But when my mother was the one to call, you answered…"

" If you knew why I answered… this time."

"Because you're in trouble…"

Warred dropped his beer bottle abruptly on the counter.

"No, because you're in trouble, Jackson. I followed you… Every steps. I was there at your College graduation. You had a beautiful girl in your arms, she was a catch. Your mother and grandfather were there. You looked happy. She looked proud. I followed you even though I'm not good at this… I'm just not good… at this. What would you have me do? I always warned you not to get too attached. It's every man for himself… That's how it worked best in nature… I told you that because even back then I knew that I was not good at this."

Jackson stared at his almost empty fifth drink. Warren took a forceful swallow before knocking the bottle back on the counter.

"Your mother called me a first time something like a year ago. Told me you were promoted a while ago to the position of chairman of one of the foundation's prizes in Seattle. She said to come by. I said no. She called me again just a few months later. Told me she had a story to tell me. Then she proceeded in telling me how you got married to a wonderful girl… A trauma surgeon…. How you two had a beautiful child together. How…the child died. She said you're not doing well and you broke up with your wife. And she said she just married that wonderful man, who's the honorary chief, and him being chief, and Catherine being Catherine, it's putting a constant strain in their relationship… and she was afraid she was going to lose it all… She could not bear the thought. I did not want to be involved, believe me. But I still got on the plane she sent for me."

"She said that?"

"In no uncertain terms, yes, she did."

"She's never afraid of anything."

"Well, as it happens, your mom is most vulnerable when it comes to you."

Jackson seemed thoughtful for a moment.

"I did not know that. So, are you going to stay?"

"Are you unwell, Jackson?"

Jackson took another mouthful of scotch or vodka…or whatever Joe had filled his glasses with.

"I'm… I'm doing… I guess…I don't know. This morning, I had this fight with April. April was my wife. Technically we're not divorced… But this morning she told me it was over."

"So, you came here…"

Jackson finished his drink.

"I… have work to do… so many patients to see… but I can't do it thinking about April and my son… You and my mom… And all the bad things that happened here…So I needed to shut it down… just for a while... I'm quite exhausted." Jackson said, finishing it in one go.

"Well, cheers to that. " Warren said, grabbing a .

" You never treated me like a kid back then. You were the only one to do that… So why didn't you tell me. "

"Well, Jackson, you were a kid back then."

They sat in silence for a while.

"Joe, another one, please."

Joe hesitated.

"I will have one too." Warren said as he pushed the wings next to Jackson.

" Where is Edwards?" Catherine Avery asked the seemingly dim-witted blonde intern.

He looked around him with that blank look that made Catherine wonder how the hell he managed to pass the admission interviews. He shook his head at last. No, he didn't see her. Was that what she was supposed to understand from his mimic act? Oh! She was getting too old for this!

"Tell her to come to me as soon as she gets in! Did you see Dr Fresker? Oh! Forget it! "

She dismissed him at once but felt a looming ominous presence behind her. She turned to realize that looming presence had been Richard all along.

"What?"

"We need to talk."

"I was… You said all you needed to say earlier, Richard."

She pursed her lips together, not about to let him have it easy with her. He kept that strict expression on his face.

"I don't have time for this."

"I said we need to talk."

He turned on his heels and headed to his office. She followed him slowly, not really wanting to give him the idea that his game face could intimidate her. She was his wife, not a dim-witted intern. She closed the door behind her carefully and waited patiently.

"What is wrong with you?" He asked slowly.

"You think I asked a woman to get shot on the side of the road with her children and come crashing on our doorsteps?"

"It's not what I ask. I asked what is wrong with you."

"There is nothing wrong with me. I'm working Richard. How many times do I have to apologize for being myself?"

Richard sat down behind his desk.

"You're not being yourself."

"What does that mean?"

"It means exactly what I said. You found your little candidate yet?"

"What does that have to do with Warren?"

"You tell me…"

"This is ridiculous Richard…"

"You confessed to me you had an affair with an intern once… And then the same intern, all grown-up turned up in my hospital resulting in utter chaos. My staff is running around like crazy. I just heard a ridiculous rumor that people got into a shouting match in radiology."

"Like I said you're being ridiculous. I told you to prep the staff… You cannot blame this on him. Warren was just trying to help. Back there…"

"I'm not talking about Warren Fresker, I am talking about you."

Catherine swallowed hard. It sounded like she was being reprimanded. But that couldn't be happening!

"I said I will give Miranda Bailey a chance. Do you not trust in my judgement anymore?"

"Is that what this is about? Me… not trusting… your judgement… Because I should trust you… with him…"

"You're jealous. It's really ridiculous. You have nothing to fear from us, Richard. He is just…"

"Your ex-boyfriend."

"You made it sound like it was a decade long romance straight out of a novel. He was my intern. I was his teacher. We slipped a few times… on his way to finishing his residency. That's all there was. A few mistakes on the wall... Do I regret them, yes and no. Because It's the past. I have a past. You got one too."

"You are my wife."

"I am not your possession, Richard. I'm sorry. I'm a sexual being with a Past!"

"I know Catherine you don't want to be owned. And I don't want you to be my prisoner. This is not about your past… But you're not yourself since this whole thing started. And I know you, I know when there is more you hide."

"Nice way to say I am lying!"

"You're doing it again. Getting all defensive! Why? I am trying… And you're trying my patience right now, Wife!"

"I told you about him."

"Yes, it's because you did, Catherine. You did talk about him. "

She feigned a quick laugh.

"We were just exchanging about our scandalous love affair. I told you about him in that context. You said you've met once or twice as it goes for chiefs of staffs in their annual seminaries. That conversation was not heavy-hearted. It… was just…"

"Catherine…"

"He is… Warren. He is… It was a long time ago. I was still young… in my mind. He was even younger. But he was brilliant, you don't have many of them like that. With a mindset of their own, they just get in the game right away… He was just… I knew he was going to be my equal one day. And we became friends…on some level… And I invited him home… for Christmas. It was a disaster since Jackson's grandfather wanted to see him and his father was gone…god knows where. Jackson was still so young. He was a child. And… It just happened. Warren made space for himself probably unknowingly. He is gifted in that way."

"Catherine…"

"I fought tooth and nails to raise that boy. I never got help from anyone. Harper Avery hated my guts because his son wouldn't man up. I was determined to prove him I had it in me. And at the same time, I had this little med student to raise as a surgeon. He was such a quick learner. It was… hard, Richard. I did what I… could… I managed. Miranda Bailey is your first choice for this position. I get it. You prepped her for this. You groomed her into being the next you. I get it because I did the same. We're not getting younger and we want our legacy to live on. So, I prepped my boys…"

Richard crossed his arms on his chest, listening carefully as she went on.

"I prepped Jackson… I gave him confidence. I nurtured his ambition. He made me so proud. But he is fading… He is slipping… falling… He is becoming like him… And I could never help him. I was helpless in front of that man."

"Who?"

"Jackson's father… Jackson is becoming his father."

"Catherine…"

"I don't want him to make the same mistakes. He lost so much already. But he is still young, you know he can come back from this. But he might not be thinking that way… And April… Poor April! The children are not alright, Richard. I need to fix it. And you don't know… Warren like I do. Back then, he was raising me too. He was making it so simple for me to be a mother... Not a mother and a father… Just a mother. I could always depend on him."

"I see."

" If he is not ready, whatever happened, I'm his mother, I must give him time. I must help my baby. And you, you must help me not be angry at me."

"I am here with you, Catherine. You know I will do anything for you. I can…"

He could probably prolong his temporary stunt as Honorary Chief.

" Don't even think about it! I know you wanna help but you're working so much already Richard after all you went through. You almost die on me. When I thought I lost you last time… I thought my heart would shatter in pieces. When my husband left me… I went to work like any other day. But if you were not in my life, I don't know what would become of me. I'm starting to think I want more time with you, with Jackson… I'm counting time. I became that person…weak… who stays awake at night counting time…"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Richard." She let go of all the air in her lungs.

"Why didn't you tell me? "

"I don't know. I'm not used to do this with someone, Richard. This is all new to me."

Richard stood up, letting out her deep breath, half relieved, half bothered. He pulled her into his arms, kissing her hair tenderly. Catherine always chose the most complicated path. It was the woman he married.


	19. Dream a little dream of me ( Remix)

-19-

Dream a little dream of me (REMIX)

Most people — even reasonable people — read meaning into their dreams. That means, even though, you only believe in science and all things Cartesians, there are often a part of you trying to make sense of this myth. A part of you wants to believe that your dreams have deep prophetic meaning. We mostly get that. What we don't get is…What if you watched one of the Die Hard movies on a particularly rainy night and then you dreamed of yourself going all "John McClane" on terrorists in the middle of your actual place of work, in our case a hospital. Let's just take the time here! So, you're quietly going about your days looking at scans, consulting, doing the usual as a doctor… Then bam, there is an explosion and a couple of bad men come in armed to the teeth and just start taking everyone hostage, not unlike what Gary Clarke did... But with the fundamentalist purpose of destroying civilization… and… Blablabla…you get the picture. You're surrounded by loved ones, your support system… All at once, you feel love and fear… Time passed a little… And you, invested by Power Invisible of the Highest kind, you start to disarm those men, you start to kick and punch those men… and, subliminally or not, you kick their asses into oblivion, you obliterate them Steven Seagal like! What would you make of that dream really? That situation? Would you say, it is your way of saying how reluctant you are of waking up every morning to go to work since you got that new attending breathing down your neck? Would you say it is in the contrary a proof of your love for your work, to be able to defend it , an ode to corporate culture? Would you think that this dream had anything to do with the fact you're convinced your husband is having an affair with that hot new neighbor, who has curves like the statue of Liberty? Would you say it has anything to do with the fact your wife died in a brutal car crash and you're struggling to raise her children, who are little terrorists of their own? So inappropriate, sorry, of course, you love your children to death! Family is wonderful, right? But how would you makes sense of it ? Would you think you're brain damaged and this something means nothing? Dreams suck. Maybe they are random. Maybe they're not. They're a waste of time for sure. Chances are though, you're not gonna question anything because the few scraps of memories you will manage to salvage from that stupid dream after you wake up, you will want to cherish forever. That's kind of pathetic when you think about it.

But who wouldn't want to remember being John McClane once?

Freight Train- Sara Jackson-Coleman

Stephanie Edwards paced in the consult room anxiously. All Debra Pollard scans were aligned on the screening boards. She was reading her charts, again and again. Obviously there was something everybody missed. When Dr Pierce mentioned earlier that she thought something was wrong with the patient, Stephanie knew she had to see it for herself. Hunt and Pierce pulled almost all the bullets out of that woman's body but one located in her non-critical area of her spine, too dangerous to move. She should have at least regain consciousness by now. Instead, Debra Pollard remained in critical care, her vitals depleting slowly. It was possible she was not going to make it through the night. Stephanie sat on a stool and looked at all the scans, chest and brains alike. It was just in front of her. It was written in front of her, her wish. She wanted to become a surgeon. It was just written just needed to find it.

Who wouldn't want to become stronger ?

Owen was gone. Amelia rolled in the small bed. Without having to open her eyes, Amelia Shepherd knew it. It felt cold where he had previously lay with her. The room had an intimidating scent to it. But Amelia lay on her side like a ton of brick. Her heart thumped with each slow, shallow breaths. The only movement was the slight rise and fall of her tears dried on her cheeks.

Who wouldn't want to be surrounded with loved ones?

Sitting on one of her favorite gurneys against the hallway in the B wing, Meredith blinked away her weariness as she tried to focus on Maggie's voice. It was not that it was not interesting. Maggie was worried about Debra Pollard's well-being. If anything, Meredith was just as concerned. She felt responsible somehow. So Maggie was enouncing each of her stats, taking notes in order to help Debra. She didn't regain consciousness and Maggie and Hunt were mulling over why. In the beginning, Meredith exchanged a few ideas but as Maggie went on, she soon got lost. It was intriguing enough, but why couldn't she concentrate though? Exhaustion won the battle.

"You're not listening. Oh am I talking too much again?"

"No… I'm…just… I'm going to shut my eyes a minute or two... "

"O-K."

Maggie nodded in understanding. Meredith smiled in reassurance. As soon as she closed her eyes, she felt her sister's soft fingers on a carotid, checking on her pulse. Meredith opened her eyes again with mirth in her eyes.

"I'm okay, Maggie."

"I know."

However, Maggie's face betrayed her true feelings. She was worried.

"… I'm just checking. I'm… You're fine."

"I'm just going to take a nap."

"Yes, it's really good for…for you. I love naps. You can close your eyes, I will stay with you."

"You don't have to. I'm good. I'm used to stay here. It's very peaceful. I spent most of my residency here."

Maggie nodded again.

"I'm staying with you. I won't make a noise I promise."

"There's no getting rid of you…"

"Nope… it's too late for that!"

"Okay…Thanks Maggie!"

"You're welcome, Sweetie !"

Maggie got back to her medical files and her coffee. Meredith closed her eyes again, leaning on Maggie's left shoulder. She drifted easily into sleep. When she opened her eyes, she was sitting on that familiar bench in the resident room, a mirror in front of her. She grabbed a brush in her locker and started with the nape of her neck. Her movement was deliberately slow in order to detangle smoothly her blonde hair.

She paused as she heard the door unlock behind her. A familiar figure in the shadow made its way toward her. She closed her eyes, relying on her nose. The whole room was filled with his scent and the smell of his aftershave. She felt brutally shaken as he moved the bench swiftly on the left and sat astride.

"Wow, it's going well between you two. I feel proud somehow."

She did not dare look up.

"I'm not speaking to you." She said.

"Why?"

"You're not here."

"But I'm here… I'm quite here. I've been so much down here these days, it's insane. I like the bandages. You look tough and sexy . You look kissable. Very kissable. Did you let Amelia check your head though?"

"I did… but that's not your problem anymore."

"You're talking to me now? I thought we were not on speaking terms."

"We're not. I'm not talking to you. You are not here. I'm dreaming because I'm probably asleep. You…You're dead."

"I'm dead but I am here. And you're making baby steps with Maggie! Sisters are good, right? Told you! Family is the best thing in the world! I knew you two would get along eventually."

"Go away."

"So you can dream about that guy?"

"Yes, actually yes. I'm going to dream about him. I will have sexy dreams about him if I please."

"You're a liar. You will not do that. I honestly wish you'd do that. But you're still a baby… you won't do that… It's okay. You don't know him that much anyway...and…"

"I don't need to know him to know he is not you."

"I love you too."

"That's not what I said."

"Come on, you can't stay angry at me? You never stay angry at me for long anyway!"

"Do you not have anything better to do in Heaven?"

" Ah! Ah! You're talking about Heaven like you're starting to believe I am here...like you're starting to believe in Heaven. Baby steps, Meredith."

Meredith fumed. She hated that teasing tone of his. She turned to face him and snapped.

"I'm not! Derek, Please! Leave me alone! You're not here! You're dead! You died on me!"

She thought she had already forgotten about him... She thought she already erased from her memory the smooth details of his face. She found out she did not. Down to the mesmerizing blue of his eyes to the slight dimples of his cheeks, he looked as handsome as always. Even better.

"Meredith, it will get better. I promise!"

Tears shadowed her fury.

"No, it won't !"

She knew it will never get better. She will never get over him. She simply won't survive this, just like that woman. She probably won't make ?Why? Why?

"You left me ! It won't get better! I won't be better without you! You know that! I told you hundreds of time to be careful! I told you I won't make it without you! You didn't listen to me!"

"That's not what you told me, remember?"

"You're not here right now! You don't exist anymore. You're dead! Stay dead and out of my sight! I don't ever want to see you again! You're dead!"

She opened her eyes again, and realized she was on Maggie's lap.

"Hey, how was the nap?"

Meredith sighed.

"How long…"

"Barely an hour… Are you alright? Meredith?"

Meredith covered her eyes and shook a head negatively. She suppressed a sob.

"I don't know."

A few drop of unwanted tears fell on Maggie's hand like rain.

"Hey! What's wrong, Mer?"

"It's okay."

Meredith took a deep breath and wiped her face quickly.

"I'm fine. I'm all fine now."

"You want to talk about it."

She straightened with a groan.

"Not really. I need to call the insurance company. I need to pick up my stuff in the car... My car need to be towed... There are things I need to do..."

Maggie nodded shakily.

"Ok."

Amelia stopped what she was doing as the doorbell rang.

"It's unlocked. You can come in."

"Hello!" He said, arranging his coat on the hanger by the door.

"Hi! Welcome…home!"

"Thanks!"

He stood there his hands in his pockets as if it was the first time he had been there.

"Smells good. What are you cooking?"

"Clam Chowder…"

"My favorite."

"I know."

"I used to wrestle you for the last piece of clam in the pot."

"You remember that? We also fight for the last piece of Chicken Alfredo which is my favorite."

"We fought a lot over food. Mom was always mortified. I haven't tasted Clam Chowder since Mom made it for thanksgiving twelve years ago."

It made Amelia smile.

"Yes, that was a family reunion I remember for once!"

"About that, I can't help but notice you don't really know how to cook."

"I know some stuff Mom showed me. I'm not Kathleen. I'm not a total disaster… Ok, I know… I'm not that great a cook. But it's my dream. In my dream, I know how to cook. I'm a cordon Bleu."

"Alright, alright, want some help?"

"No, just sit down."

"You need my help! You want my help! That's my kitchen! Nobody cook in it but me! Meredith knows that. You too."

"I know, I know… It' s just a place I like. I don't have a place. If you remember I'm homeless. So I borrowed your kitchen. I love the tiles and the cushions and the tableware, so sophisticated."

" Flattery will get you anywere!"

"Mom's sayings! But really it's true, I love this kitchen!"

"Tiles are mine. I bought the tableware online… on Mark's advice. His Hampton upbringing! Meredith is responsible for the cushions. She loves cushions and pillows. Don't tell her I told you that."

Amelia laughed as she grabbed the chowder pot to place it on the counter. She sat down next to him.

"Okay, So… what did you want to ask?"

"How do you know I wanna ask something?"

"Come on, Amy?! "

"Alright, How is it?"

"It's pretty nice."

"No, did you meet people we know…"

"I have lunch with Dad every Friday. We also go to the games together. And Mark and Lexie, they have the most amazing house."

"Really?"

"No… It's a bit more quiet up there. Doesn't quite work like here? Still, I saw him… Them… We talk sometimes… It's different."

"Did you see my…"

"When you will be ready, you will see them again, Amy. Everything will be waiting for you…when the time comes."

Amelia nodded hesitantly.

"I miss you. Do you miss things? Meredith and the children? Your evil sisters for example? Mom?Clam chowder maybe?"

"Doesn't quite work like that either… "

"It's weird. I don't think I will even remember this."

"You probably won't."

"I would need to though. It would make things easier."

"I'm not sure."

"You know what I did right?"

"Yes."

"You know why I did it?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry… I didn't want to disappoint you... I didn't want… I was a mess back there."

"Amelia, it no longer matters."

"You forgive me then?"

"I've never been angry at you. You're my sister. You will always be my sister. I will always love you and want the best for you."

Amy sat down next to him. Tears blurred her vision.

"I miss you so damn much all the time. I don't know what to do sometimes. I just wished things could have been different. If she had told me… sooner… I…"

"Amelia, it is fine. Things are fine. It is the way they are, the way they are supposed to be. It will get better I promise."

"You mean I'm being so hard on your wife for nothing. I will just get over it with time!"

He nodded. Amelia bolted from the stool.

"Are you crazy? No, I won't. I don't want to. What happened to my brother? You're so…so..."

"Dreamy…."

" Dull…"

Derek snorted at that. Amelia was split between laughing and crying. Derek sobered up first though.

"I'm dead, Amy. I died. That's what happened. "

Amelia woke up with a start.


	20. The green-eyed monster

Disclaimer:

A/N: I do it every couple of chapters but I still do it, I want to thank you all for your enduring support. Thanks **Ebony Moonlight, Sara,** **Faith, Karen, Jamelia, Patsy,** and all the **guests**. I had another version of this but an electric blackout killed it. So, this mess of a chapter is all I got for you. I'm not satisfied with this chapter. It translates in violent writer's anxiety. Nothing is never enough. I can't get it right.I want to quit. I rather get this published instead of risking getting writer's block. Stuffs that need to be said:

¤ On Derek ( Promise it's the last time I say this)

First, I did not say I did not like Derek. I said he was not my favorite male character. That's not the same. I also said I expected his death seeing all the foreshadowing of these past seasons. It was unfortunate but I feel like it could breathe some new life into the show. The idea on which is founded this story. It doesn't mean I can't respect him or do MerDER relationship justice. I do love myself some MerDer. They are absolutely awesome together. I also love some McDreamy quotes. And I feel Meredith's reaction goes a bit deeper than that. You think that if you lose the love of your life, your partner, father of your children, you will simply go , at least he is watching over me and the kid from heaven and he visit me in my dreams. I will take comfort and live my life fully. Hell no! lol Maybe I'm twisted. I'm certainly very twisted. But I don't think Meredith, how I view her, will think that. I don't think she is the kind of people who takes comfort in banalities. She is having a hard time. This is a bad day for her. It's important to me that I actually compared Amelia and Meredith's griefs since even though they're both angry, They're not angry the same way. Even though they are both sad. They do not feel the same. The idea started when I saw her in that closet with Amelia, and she couldn't suppress the tears because their dispute kinda break the bubble she was living in, and grief took over. Grief works in mysterious ways. So, what I wanted from this chapter is for you to have an open window on her mind for a little while, for it to be open to interpretation. But don't think I don't like Derek so I'm cruelly bashing him. That's absolutely not what I want to do here. That even saddens me a little you could think so.

-20-

The Green eyed-monster

It starts as a slow insidious feeling of injustice. Then it becomes this thing you don't talk about. And you don't talk about it because it will derail the conversation too much. You don't want to have to explain it. It's a bit shameful. You start not feeling good about it. But still you don't want to name this gut-wrenching feeling... this ugly feeling. You're walking on eggshells afraid that somebody will see what it's all about. You don't want people to discover your secret. I mean it's not like you're the only one with a secret. It's not like they're filled with confidence but not you. It's not like they have all the answers and not you. That would be unfair and that was how it all started anyway. You are aware that it's all happening in your head, doesn't truly make it easier though.

 **Mr. Brightside – The Killers**

Cristina had mastered it for a couple of weeks now, the roll-over technique, that's why their little session always finished the same way. She rolled to the extreme side of the bed, wriggled out of reach of his arms and let herself fall ungracefully on the floor. Then, using unknown "ninja" skills, she would straighten up in a hurry and do everything possible to be out the door in 1 minute and 30 seconds. It usually worked. Method was tested and almost fool-proofed.

That's why when she ungracefully fell on the floor and found herself in a world of pain, she wondered like any good surgeon what she missed. Did that bedside table moved? Her back was bruised but she bit her lips to stifle her moan. She felt blindsided by the pain for one minute but she stood up nonetheless. Only babies cried! No! He was waking up! She straightened up in a hurry and searched for her pair of jeans. At last she found them on a table.

Was she glad she invested in those?! She bought them the last time she took Shane on a shopping trip. It all started when Cristina asked him to be her Callie for the day since she needed to buy a whole lot of useless girly clothes for the new season by herself since her personal buyer was on vacation in the Caribbean. Everyone who knew her knew how many bad ideas there was in that sentence. But it was the second night Jo Allenbach had been in town and she had a ton of social calls to make because of him. Also, he subtly asked her out by proposing to show her around his clinical trial by night. Well, what a unromantic surgery obsessed girl needed to do in order to catch a orgasm or two? So Shane and her went shopping. And she discovered on that day that he was a compulsive freak with a fetish for very girlish 50's style tailored suits. It took her the whole day to assemble a few things together. And in the midst of all the unfathomably ugly things he showed her, he pointed out those jeans, daring her to dress with jeans in a moment of temporary insanity. What a good idea that had been! Ever since, they had become her booty-call savior! They were casual enough for a poker night with the "nerd pack". But coupled with that Dior leather jacket, it gave her butts and hips for miles while staying sophisticated and crazy cool. It was impossible to go wrong with these two items.

Where was her underwear? She dropped on all fours and surveyed the floor.

" You're searching for this?"

She grabbed her lace panties and sighed with relief.

"Yes, thanks."

She continued searching for her wonderful Marc Jacobs blue top that goes with everything until she realized that she was busted. She almost fell on a butt at the realization.

"Hey! You awake?"

"I moved the table." He said with that unmistakable accent of his. Cristina noticed he was not smiling. Was it not a joke?

"You did?"

"Yes, I needed to talk to you. I know that's not in your plan, Cristina. The plan usually is… I call you. We have sex, I pretend to fall asleep, you do your ninja-thing and you're out the door."

"It's… not like that."

He looked at her over his shoulder, sitting on the side of the bed.

"Well, it's a bit like that. It's nothing against you. I don't do the cuddle thing well."

He sighed and pulled on jogger pants. Cristina looked at his toned abs and his sculpted back as he stood up. God, that Cardio genius was so sexy. Why was he so sexy? Why do cardio surgeon liked to work out so much. Can they not simply enjoy junk food and booze like her? Why do they have to be health freak? Why do they looked so good being total freaks of nature? Why so many stupid questions? She should kiss the man and rape him with his consent. She almost did until the next thing he said made her pause.

"Why do you think I pretend to fall asleep?"

It brought her back to the conversation.

"Oh. What do you mean, you pretend?"

That was incredibly insulting. She was a sex goddess and she could put any men she wanted to sleep.

"I like sleeping alone, Cristina."

"You don't really mean you pretend all the time. Sometimes you do fall asleep, right?"

"Actually I like to eat after sex. So I fall asleep after you're gone and way after I make this call." He grabbed the phone.

"Hello, Claudine, can you get me the kitchen, please? It's for a late night call. Yes! The usual! Merci! Vous êtes formidable!"

He hung up to grab a shirt.

"Ok. That's incredibly insulting… and rude. You're being so rude right now. But I will just go on with my initial plan and forget that…this… with you… ever happened. "

"I need to talk to you."

Cristina stopped and turned. He brushed his hair softly. It was cut very short, Caesar-like, with few spikes on top. But it was not the cut she likes, it was its vibrant rich brown color, ebony-like, with an attractive amount of grey and white, betraying his age.

"We need to have the talk." He said matter-of-factly.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean, Jo."

"Cristina…"

"I'm sorry I have to interrupt you… this is not going to work."

"Oh! I didn't ask if you wanted anything. But I usually order more than I can eat. So we can share…"

Oh Swiss or French, they were all insanely obsessed with food around here!

Cristina shook her head and contemplated the door.

" I want to talk with you about…"

"I know where this is going. I am sorry. I thought we were good right now. I mean as we are. I don't really need a relationship. I don't do well in those. I thought we were having fun. I was just having fun."

" Cristina, the talk is… when I warn you to never ever throw some sands in my wheels or whatever you call it, you Americans. I don't play in Business. "

"Oh! What?"

"I don't take lightly when my job is threatened… Or when people… they get in my way… It's a bad idea to get in my way."

"I still can't see where this is going. But I'm not scared… Not scared at all. I'm built like "Hancock". I can kung-fu you to death ! Don't look at "mini-size" me!"

He went on, completely ignoring her.

"I need a lab for my research. I need a lab and funding for that lab. That is why I came here…"

" I thought you were just on a conference tour for your books."

He tilted his head curiously. Okay, she deserved that. She was such a tease.

"Okay, I was going to… ask you. I mean tomorrow during working hours. I was going to get you a deal."

He raised an eyebrow that told her he didn't believe her.

"Or maybe at the end of the week, just before… or after you take your flight back to Paris."

He looked at her sideways.

"I've worked hard all my life to get where I am. I didn't cut corners. I didn't play it cool. I was a backstabbing friend. I was a bad husband twice. I was obsessed. I am still obsessed with work. When I met you, I didn't think you were beautiful, or funny, though you are all those things… I thought we were like-minded intellectuals."

"We are…"

"So how do you explain…"

"I don't need to explain anything… Jo. I am you ten years ago when you were working with Professeur Gasquet in Genève and you wanted out of his research trial because you thought you will never get to shine unless on your own. I'm trying to emancipate myself here."

"That's the simplistic view of it. I only told you…that… because…"

"You asked for the simplistic answer, didn't you? The answer is… I already did that… being somebody's famous special someone. Being somebody's assistant. Looking someone I like win an award that I considered deeply should have been mine. I'm not saying I am ready to win an award right now or to be recognized for my work. I am not ready. But I will get ready… I don't want to be distracted that's all. You will be a distraction because you're hot…your brain is sexy… I just want to get naked each time I see you. When you speak of congenital heart diseases, and how to diagnose them in your book, you speak directly to my " down there". I don't want your shiny brain to eclipse mine so much that I forget about my own research, about my own goals. I don't want to do that anymore. Just like you, I made the ultimate sacrifice. Just like you, I was a bad wife."

"That's incredibly selfish...and self-absorbed… and honest."

Cristina sighed and shrugged, grabbing her car keys. Well, it was. She would never apologize for this but to one man and he was not here. Joseph smiled though.

"Wow, It's unexpected... and strange… Vraiment charmant si tu préfères. You're something unexpected. What about a challenge? »

« What ? »

« I never thought of you as an assistant, Cristina. In fact, I do not want you in my team. How do you say that in english? I saw you in surgery. Without the experience, your skills were world-class. Your technique is almost flawless. You were a baby just a few years ago. And you're operating like a seasoned veteran. You couldn't be on my team even if you wanted. I have nothing to teach you. I wouldn't teach you anything anyway because that would be the death of me. I don't want to become obsolete. Like I told you, I've worked hard for this. For that shiny seat on the Nobel recipient committee… But I can challenge you… into becoming better than me. Take my seat if you dare. I did take somebody's seat once. Competition, I can do."

Cristina looked at him with half a smile.

" Give me a lab. I won't call you boss but I will respect you as one. I will do my research and you will do yours. Best surgeons win. Fair game."

" Fair game?"

"Fair game."

"You got yourself a deal… but you get the same budget as the others."

" We can work this out. I'm sure."

"No we can't…"

"I'm going to go over your head on this. "

"Do you call that fair?"

"I said fair? I wanted to say ruthless. It will be ruthless. A bloodshed. If they give me your position at the end of all this… Well, it was nothing personal. Consider yourself warned."

" You're delusional. I'm going to order something to eat right now… on your tab. Since… we're not going to share anything but incredibly bad office jokes from now on."

"No more orgasms?"

"No more orgasms."

"Damn… Dr Yang!"

Cristina smiled mischievously even if she knew without an ounce of doubt she was going to regret this one day. Joseph grabbed her hand forcefully and pushed her to the bed.

" One last time, so I know what I sacrificed."

She couldn't deny him that not after he went through the trouble of taking off his shirt.

In Seattle, Alex was out of his third surgery, his thoughts dedicated to another Jo. The last rays of the late afternoon sun slanted through the glass vaults above the bridge as he made his way to his office in the pediatric ward. He grabbed a few things in the vending machines on his way, two packs of chips, a few chocolate bars, and a soda. He was past the point of being hungry. He was simply famished and exhausted but he had a mountain worth of charts to oversee and his own notes to type. Earlier, he had asked Lisa the nurse if Pollard requested to see his son yet and was floored to learn that he still had not. Pollard only told Lisa that he was going to buy something to eat and will be back shortly, hopefully he will be able to see his wife then. Alex understood the man was quite lost and shocked but Ryan was his patient and he needed someone to claim him or he'd have to call CPS. That's why he asked Lisa to call for other family members in support.

He sat down behind a desk, his feet on the table. He finished the chips in a record time. He was about to eat the chocolate bars when Jo came into view in the hallways. She asked a nurse where to find him. As the nurse pointed to the office Alex felt happy, nervous and embarrassed all at once. Well, he was obviously happy to see her; happy she was looking for him even after their stupid fall-out, meaning she probably worried about him. He was nervous because he was never good with apologies and he knew he had been too harsh on her.

So, when she finally entered the room, he just pulled her in his arms and hugged her tight and hope that it was enough to start an apology.

However, Jo froze at his contact. After that conversation with Stephanie, she didn't quite picture their reunion like this. Sure, she thought about what Stephanie had said. She was prepared to keep an open mind. At least she tried to convince herself that she could try. Maybe she was wrong… Maybe he slept home and nothing bad happen… Maybe he had an epiphany and realized their house without being perfect was just the right amount of crazy and unorthodox for two street kids like them. She never liked The Grey House anyway since it never felt like home. It was conventional and old with a history she couldn't connect with. He had to know how inadequate she felt using Meredith Grey's furniture. He had to know it hurt her deeply that he couldn't see how much she loved him and try to make it work.

Alex let go of Jo after a minute of unreciprocated hugging and stepped back. He fumbled with the charts and the files in an attempt to tidy up the place.

"You don't know the day I had! I wanted to see you… There was that girl… in the car crash and I had two surgeries back to back… How's your day? You took care of Meredith, I heard. Thanks. I have yet to see her… But I heard she is doing fine."

She could see he was painfully trying to start the conversation. But it still didn't sit well with her that he didn't start with a simple "sorry for being an ass last night". Alex grabbed a cookie sitting on the top of the pile.

"Alex, can we talk?"

Jo's voice was rather uncompromising. He hesitated with the cookie in his hand long enough before facing her.

"Don't you think we should be talking about us? What happened last night?"

" I thought we could just…"

"What? Forget you walked out on me?"

"I walked out on you?"

"Sometimes I just don't understand you, Alex. And what was that about?"

"What?"

"With Pierce! I'm asking. What is it you want from me Alex?"

" Jo… I get you're not happy about the way we left things off last night. And well, I may have overreacted a bit. But I never walked out on you!"

"Now, it's all in my head."

"I never said that either."

"You never said anything. Am I having all these arguments in the past few weeks with myself? Am I already alone in this relationship?! "

" Hey stop! Maybe It was a jerk move last night… I was pissed off. I admit I let my frustrations get the better of me… I didn't have to take it out on you. It's just things…had been… You don't know what it is for me…"

"What it is for you? Did you spend the night with her?"

"What?"

"Pierce."

"Oh! She was at Meredith's!"

"Oh! Even better, you were at Meredith's too!"

"You left."

"I didn't leave so you had an excuse to go back to that house!"

"You fucking left ! What was I supposed to do?

"You wanted me to leave you last night, Alex. Now you arrive with her. Are you sending me a message?"

"What are you talking about, Jo?!"

"I am talking about the new couple of the year, you and Maggie Pierce."

"What is it with you and Pierce? Are you jealous?"

"What's it to you?"

"She's Meredith's freaking little sister! What is there to tell! "

"It did not bother you before…"

"Don't ever bring her name in this! Don't ever speak about her! You don't know anything !"

"I know enough!"

" You know nothing ! You're just like… If you knew anything… anything at all about me we would not have that conversation about Lexie… or about Pierce. If you knew me, Jo, you would not have bought that dumpster anyway. You would know I never ever wanted to go back there. You'd know that it was hard enough growing up in trailer trash city when it was not the candid motel life. It was hard going back from school finding your house invaded by mountains of empty plastic cups and plates and crushed cans of beers. When it was not mountains of pure trash and filth…She never did clean. She did not care because she could spent days not taking her meds. She would be too busy talking to trees to actually take care of her children. Sometimes we would be out of electricity for a week since she never paid the bill in time. Then, I would have to go out, in the rain or in the snow to find some food for my baby sister and brother so that they didn't starve to death. When I was lucky, when we still live in the suburb, just when it was just the beginning, I will spare you the worse details…. And the neighbors were still nice people, they gave us some left-overs and also stuffs they did not want like old quilts and smelly clothes. Then I'd go back to that house, that horrible house, which was never a home to me, which would always look the same and smell the same, with that crazy bitch breathing in the next room, my sister I'd have to lull back to sleep, I'd go back to all that and do my homework and vow to never come back there when I become someone. If you knew anything at all, you'd know that about me. We wouldn't be talking about me sleeping with a whole bunch of Meredith's sisters!

Jo was livid.

"I did not know, Alex. I'm sorry!"

"Damn right, you didn't know! You didn't care a minute ago to ask! Go ahead! Dump me on the single presumption I slept with Pierce or anyone… Because that's the kind of asshole I am… It's not like we shared anything these past two years. Meredith… She may be crazy... But she knows me. She's my… family. She's my roots. When I go back to her place, I'm home. I don't have to think... there. I don't have to do anything or be anyone. I can be lazy and a jerk. Still, I'm home. I want to build something like that with you. I want you to be that for me. But instead you just find more ways to make it harder for me. You just find more ways to make it fucking impossible so that I'm the one who's sorry in the end! I will just make it easy for you! I'm a bastard. I will break your heart. Just give up trying to change me!"

"Alex! Please! Don't go!"

But Alex just stormed out angrily. He entered the elevator and stumbled on the last person he wanted to see right now.

"Not you again!"

Maggie snorted, half-offended, half-amused.

"That's a bit harsh for someone who shared a glazed donut with you. Do you know how much I love Glazed donut? I missed that donut all day !"

"Oh! Shut up!"

Maggie jumped back, startled. Alex punched the door with rage at his violent outburst. It was mostly uncalled for he knew. He just couldn't control his anger right now.

"I'm going down. " She simply said.

"You don't belong here."

"What?"

"Meredith is messed up. I'm messed up. You're not. Nothing bad ever happened to you. You could have a good life. You do not belong here!"

"Oh so now this is hell and I'm a fallen angel! It's new coming from you. I thought you were different."

"I'm simply warning you… this is not…"

"Of what ? To not get too attached? That's too late for that, Alex!"

"You should not be here, Maggie. You should be somewhere else. I don't fucking care. You should just go. Meredith is not ready to go through that inevitable loss when you realize you're wasting your time here and you leave anyway. That is not fair to her!"

The elevator reached the first floor. But Maggie pushed the pause button on the panel angrily.

"What is it really about this time?"

"What do you…"

"It's always about something else… You always deviate so I can't see the real you. God forbid someone see the real you, Alex!"

"Oh just shut up please!"

"So what's wrong with you? Is it about your dislike of your house bought with Jo! Are you guys still fighting over that! "

"Don't do that!"

"Do what! This is what I am! I'm a nice person okay. I get attached. I get emotional. But I'm not dumb! I care! I care for you and Meredith! Sue me! I just care."

"This is not…what you want."

"I know what I want, Alex. I don't want perfect. I don't need Perfect. What do you want Alex? Because seems to me, you're afraid to say you want normal."

Alex lowered his head.

"You don't get it!"

" What you don't think you deserve it? You want that house, that 2.5 children, the nice picket fence, and the dog. You want it ready like a photospread in a magazine, because that's why you bought the fully furnished Grey House with its own history, so you don't have to remember every morning the story of where you do come from. That's certainly what I would do! You could live in the present in that house. You could pretend you're just as normal as anyone of them. You don't like broken cool stuffs, Alex. You want traditional, comfy and reliable because that's what you are. As much as you want to be the bad guy in the story, you're not . There's no bad guys. You just want different things, Jo and you. You should just tell her and find yourselves a middle ground because you love her. Don't take it out on me! Don't punish me because I just care! That is not fair on me ! I will not stop caring because you hurt me! It will just hurt more! So stop! "

Alex took a deep breath.

"I don't know what I want right now! Satisfied?" He whispered.

"Then figure it out!"

"Hey!"

"No! You pissed me off and now I want to cry for the third time today. So now it's your turn to shut up ! Meredith... My sister... The one I met for the first time a minute ago... is crumbling with pain and I can't help her. I'm doing the best I can! But I don't know pain. My parents wanted me to live in a bubble so much they faked being married to each other for eleven years. That's how handicapped and unprepared for life I am. So you just shut up! "

"I shouldn't have take this out on you. You're not the problem."

Maggie was just floored at how dense he could be. Why would she be the problem between Jo and him? So, she brought the thunder down.

"Of course I'm not! Why would I be the problem? You're an idiot, Alex! And if you're open your mouth one more time... I swear I'm gonna hurt you."

She turned toward him and they were both breathless and remorseful. Minutes passed by and they only stood in silence.

"I'm ready."

"I'm good too…"

Maggie pushed the pause button as Alex nodded.

"What? I owe you a donut I presume."

"A box of ten. Glazed. White Chocolate. Cinnamon. Thanks. That would be really nice."

He nodded stoically while she smiled. Alex watched her leave. He was confused. Questions swirling in his head. Why was she so nice to him? Why what she said sounded exactly like what he wanted to hear? Why it made such an impact on him ? Why he had this huge desire to avoid her from now on?

Mya Chapman had a few choice words for Vika Gucic and none of them were very suitable for young audiences. Mya hated that girl, with the word "hate" probably being too much of a word, but fortunately awfully close enough. Vika was crude, violent, promiscuous and a bully. She was disrespectful everywhere she went as if she'd been raised by a pack of wolves, knowing that reference was unfair to wolves, since even a pack of wolves followed a certain hierarchy. Of course, she was never one to judge, she was not that kind of person, but Vika honestly reminded her of that girl in high school they called Carrie. She always dressed in black, and her hair always smelled of grease every day of the week because her dad was a mechanic or something… And she got naked in front of everyone during the prom in protest for Burma. Yes! Crazy!

Vika was some sort of Carrie and she had all the interns scared for their was mentally unstable and so many people wanted her gone it was crazy. She always acted as if she was better than the attendings. For instance, Foreman from General surgery had her fired but she was still here by a miracle unknown.

As if Mya wouldn't come and finish the job… As if she was that shallow… Ok, she may have hesitated a bit because she saw two police cars parked in front of the clinic but it was simply because she did not want to be caught lurking with a box of organ transplant in each hands. She did not want to be caught. She could be losing everything here, her residency, her future, her whole life could go in a minute down the drain. So what was Vika's problem and why was she giving orders in Kyle's OR? Her mind was coursing with thoughts.

What if she did something crazy to Kyle? That witch! Mya ran faster as she could down the stairs. Coming out the parking lot had been easy enough, but she had to go through two underground levels before making it to the secret stonewalled basement. The clinic had been built on her post secession asylum that had been opened till 1952. It had a history of its own. There was not a lot of people working in the hospital that were actually aware of that history. Everybody went about their days but the ancient stonewall basement was easily accessible through a door in the morgue next to the coroner's office. She breathed heavily as she saw the panel in front of her. Her clothes and hair, slick with perspiration, clung to her scrubs. Sweat rolled down her skin in thick, salty beads. She could feel her heart throbbing inside her chest. Her chest was burning but Mya pushed herself, promising she would make Vika pay for this one way or another. She closed her eyes as she ran through the old basement because it was a trip to creep town in itself. The door of the old condemned stairs to OR 4 was open and she started to climb the seven flights of stairs two at a time. It didn't seem to take that long this morning. She washed her hands quickly and scrubbed frantically, and when she opened the door, she opened her mouth in awe. The room was as chilly as a cold chamber.

"What the hell?" She let out.

"What took you so long!" Thanvi barked taking one of a burden from her.

"They called the cops! Yup, they are police officers just outside that door. I did my best to not get caught!"

"Do you know in what kind of hell you put us through, Mya?" Keren said.

Mya shrugged. How was it her fault? Didn't she heard? There were cops outside. Keren grabbed the other box.

Vika yawned loudly and tilted a neck.

"Okay, now, he is technically dead. No blood flow. What do I do?"

"You clean up there. Be careful, it may shred."

Vika nodded.

" Dr Yeahquo? Dr Yeahquo?" Mya called.

"Thanvi, the time?"

"We're 18 minutes in."

"Dr Yeahquo?"

"I'm busy here. What do you want, Mya?"

"I just… I brought the transplant."

"Vika… I am cutting the pancreas aortic supply right now. Let me show you how to blast this thing. Thanvi."

"Temperature stable. Keren…"

"Pulse is 65 a minute."

"There. It's done. You can finish."

"Yes, Teacher! I want this. Stash it away for me, Thanvi."

"That's nasty but alright!"

Thanvi took the tumor out.

"What can I do to help?" Mya asked but she was ignored.

"Now, we prepare the transplant."

"I can do that?" Mya suggested.

"No, let Vika do it. Vika?"

"I'm right behind you. Done. Did you see that? I'm a quick learner."

"You are. Just look at this…"

Mya stood there her mouth open, incredulous. Were they just going to ignore her?


	21. Committing full time to misery

Disclaimer: Don't own anything but a bunch useless OCs' characters.

A/N: I want to thank you for keeping up with me with all your reviews that help me through, **Beth** **, Sara, Tatiana SH,** **Faith, Karen, Jamelia, Patsy,** and all the **guests**. I adore this chapter I simply don't know why. I hope I will not be the only one. I also hope my OCs are not too overbearing and interesting enough to keep up with the plot. On other things:

¤ On Cristina's Jo

You're right I forgot. My suggestion for the cast, is Pedro Pascal but I like Olivier Sitruk. They have the same charismatic bordeline domineering presence, very masculine, very self-assured. I don't know yet if Jo is the man for Cristina. He sure gives her very good orgasms and maybe they will keep it up between office j

¤ On Jamelia's comment

I couldn't agree more. His death was clumsily handled. I'm just like you. I wanted to see this with Alex for a long time because I feel the character was much neglected in the past. I feel like there is a lot of story we can tell with him. I do love the way he defends his friendship to Mer. I feel Jo, though it was no fault of hers, since it happened often, had been basking in that fake sense of comfort you have when you're in a long term relationship, the one where you no longer do the extra-mile to understand your partner because you think you got him seemingly figure out. I don't think she does it on purpose or to be mean. But she simply did not imagine Alex's reasons for not liking the house was anything but superficial reasons. I'm glad you didn't hate Maggie there.

¤ On the soundtrack

Not that I think you all pay attention to that, there are songs that struck a particular chord with me when I write the different characters. **So cold** from Ben Cocks ft Niquisha Reyes is one of them. I will try to not ruin it for you " how to save a life" like ( that song had been used and abused of to the point where it went from being my favorite to be the most hated song in history of tv soundtracks). But depending of the mood with Meredith I may use it again. Sorry for any inconveniences lol.

-21-

Committing full time to misery

 _"_ _The person who invented happily ever after, should have his ass kicked."_

Let's be straight, once you reached a certain level of hard-earned maturity, when you see that first wrinkle and that first grey hair, something magical happened. Nobody wanted to hear you complain anymore about how horrible you considered your life to be. You were a grown up now. You no longer believe in Santa Claus. If you were smart and resourceful enough, you'd long ceased to believe in happily ever after. Your dreams were either compacted in the trash or they were no longer dreams. You dreamed of being a superhero and you became a surgeon instead. You're thinking great for me I deserve a cookie! Wrong! Reality was still so far from the fantasy, it could not count as fulfilling a dream. So don't count yourself lucky, there was nothing to be proud of. Nothing ever got smooth. Nothing ever got easier. There were years you forgot to kiss your loved one under the mistletoe because you were chasing after that fame and glory. Days when you complained about having to wake up to earn a living... Adults were not supposed to believe in fairytale, only in the tangible, in the concrete. Degrees were real. Money was real. Taxes were real. Monthly Mortgages were real. If we could sum things up, papers were real. The rest was just a mirage. Love among other things was just a fantasy. You should never believe in the fantasy. If you do, even by accident… Well, may God or whatever help you I'm telling you!

As it always goes during this particular time of the year, temperature had dropped dramatically. Gone was the tender heat flushing her face pink this morning, Meredith was standing in the cold, deeply regretting not grabbing a jacket on her way down. The flashing lights of the towing truck cast premature shadows on the steps of the Grey Sloane Memorial while the sun was setting slowly behind the skyscrapers. Meredith stared dumbfounded at her car whose rear had become a compact stack of scrap metals and plastics. There was something oddly shocking in looking at the wreckage of a car. The forensic police came in earlier to get the Pollard car. She heard they had an interest in her car as well, but finally determined the car would be no use in their open investigation on the shooting. She thought she heard Maggie said Richard had something to do with that. She was not sure. Earlier, she tried to call the insurance company, and they said she had nothing to worry about, that everything would be taken care of… And she let go of a sigh of relief. And that's when things got warped and twisted. The woman on the phone asked her if she could update her and her husband detailed info and all hell broke loose. Meredith bailed. Maggie called back but at this point Meredith couldn't care less. So, Maggie was left hacking out the details with them upstairs and Meredith got down to get a few things out of the car.

 _Oh, you can't hear me cry_

 _See my dreams all die_

 _From where you're standing_

 _On your own._

 _It's so quiet here_

 _And I feel so cold_

 _This house no longer_

 _Feels like home._

They arrived rather quickly when Maggie was still inside. Meredith just had time to make a quick triage on what she needed to keep and the towing driver started the process. The truck hoisted slowly the SUV on its back. Meredith looked at the few belongings on the ground before her, the second baby car seat which was not crushed, the first she left in the car since it was unusable anyway. There was a toy box full of books, CDs, and Children toys among other things. She did a rather good job gathering them together. She smiled. She even found a total of three old pacifiers under the passenger seat. Her smile faded. She also found his sweater but that was another story.

Calling back that woman from the insurance company in order to explain, that there was no need for Derek's number, that she was on her own now, explain that her husband was gone, was simply asking her too much. She had to do that once and it was… Twice… if she counted her mother… Fortunately, Thatcher stepped in for Lexie even though he left the money part to her. But it was Derek who did all the heavy paperwork after the plane crash, the subsequent trial and the successful rescue of the Seattle Grace... It was him who talked to Thatcher and Mollie… It was him Thatcher hugged gratefully and Molly invited for Thanksgivings. What was she doing? Well, she sat there and stared at her own reflection in the blackened screen of the plasma tv. He was always so good with family. She sighed.

So after Derek… She dreaded the thought of having to go through this again. At that time, she had to smile and asked politely if and when they will get her husband's car, at least what was left of it. They said everything will be taken care of, just like she said today. But Meredith still had to send his death certificate and answer questions on his health before he got brain damaged. She had to copy/send a police report. She had to listen to a charming employee as she called her husband, a thoughtful man because he took a massive insurance policy on his life. She had to listen to their prattles as they did their math, and pushed papers in front of her for her to sign with restrained smiles and hushed confidential tones. They were all wonderful people truly, just like Derek's lawyer, the one she's been avoiding for a year now. They were nice people who helped her wonderful thoughtful husband conceived a mastermind plan in case he had to leave her behind, in case he had to die, in case he had to meet with a truck. It was supposed to be of comfort to her because he cared enough to make all these preparations, for her, for Zola, for Bailey, and "even for all their children to come" meaning Ellis. There were so many papers to fill in the weeks following his death.

She had no idea how many things she had to do. She was a doctor who dealt with death everyday but she didn't know. She had to prepare the papers so that Ellis could be recognized by her father post-mortem for instance, so she could be a Shepherd. That was even before Ellis was born. Can you imagine what a fun thing to do when you're expecting?

Meredith tried hard to keep it all together. She tried to be a grown-up and not complain. She tried to talk with Derek's lawyer two days after his death like a normal widow. But it became just too much after fifteen minutes when he asked her if she wanted to sue the truck driver who claimed he didn't see Derek's car in the middle of the road, and who the police said was driving too fast anyway to stop. That or… Suing the ER staff of Dillard for malpractice? They played that dangerous game "on who to put the blame on?" and she sucked at it. So when he asked that question and Meredith didn't know what to say… She ran back to her car and drive to the Funeral home where she cried hysterically. She wanted to see Derek so bad that when the poor desk lady told her that her husband was not ready to be seen yet, she completely lost it.

She cried and screamed and went on a rampage… to the point she clearly needed to be restrained. For Meredith, it was impossible to believe her thoughtful beloved husband had left her with this burden. That she had to be thinking for everyone now… He knew her… How could he do that to her? Leave like that. They were supposed to be together until they were old and smelly… Until she got Alzheimer and he would remind her everyday how much they love each other… like in that stupid shitty movie. That was a breach of contract. Why nobody ever brought that up? She didn't know. She didn't want be a widow. She was mad at the man himself. She blamed him. Ironically enough she wanted his head…for doing this to her… to the children. Why did he have to stop on that road? Why couldn't she do the same? Why couldn't he stay home with her? Why wasn't she allowed to quit like him? And the funeral home manager, Karen Childs, she was an awesome force of nature who had seen shit storms and earthquakes, and Korean war… and still stood with a tranquil serenity. She held onto Meredith tight and told her she was right and justified. Her husband was truly a prick and a coward for bailing on her like that. They were young. They were supposed to be together. He shouldn't have left her to fend for herself and her children and damn him and his insurance policy. And just like that Meredith calmed down, composed herself and sat down on her chair to wait. And they talked all afternoon of war wounds and children. When she was finally allowed to see Derek… When she saw him lying there lifeless, helpless, useless, just a shell of his former self, she had nothing to say to him. She realized she no longer had anything to say to him and she left.

She looked at her Mercedes again as the tow mechanic finished strapping the wheels on the back of the truck. What a tremendous asshole Derek Shepherd was? Why did he have to leave her behind? Why? She was such a bad mother she could not even look into Zola's eyes while she lied to her. She saw the fear and the sadness in her own children's eyes. Did she do anything about that? Nope, she was currently hiding. She was slowly destroying her children's innocence. Before long, they will be all death and die teenagers just like her. What kind of monster could do that? She was a mother and she wanted out with every fiber of her being because every breath she took since Derek died had been forced and compelled. She remembered stepping on the accelerator without even thinking. Was it that easy for him to leave her with all these things…she fucking didn't care about? The money… The house… Was it that easy?

When her phone vibrated in her left pocket, Meredith answered completely enraged. It was the real estate agent. Her answers were brief and brutally blunt. Yes, he was harassing her and no she still didn't know what to do with the stupid house. Yes she was having a bad day. Yes, if he continued to bother her with stupid questions she would burn the damn house down. That was how unstable she was right now. Then as she hung up, she shivered even more. She felt her lips trembled, she felt the wind on her neck, She felt a headache coming, she felt the pain seeping through her bones. She felt everything. And she wanted to go back to the numbness. She did not want to feel like this. But she was tired of fighting it. She was so tired and she gasped, struggling to let her feelings out.

Meredith crossed her arms in front of her to protect herself from the cold. She closed her eyes as to suppress the tears. She wouldn't cry… She wouldn't complain. She was fine. Damn it! Damn it! She felt a warm foreign hand covering her eyes, imprisoning the tears and wiping them away. She felt immense gratitude for that act of mercy and could do nothing but let the tears fall for a minute. She looked up to see Warren stand in front of her. He handed her his coat. She didn't know what to say. She was freezing inside… hopefully freezing to death with hypothermia. But she didn't know what to say. He lowered his gaze to the floor, staring at the pile of broken baby stuffs, and the car seat, and that stupid Derek sweater she found under the backseat under an umbrella. She stared at that stupid car she didn't even chose herself because he insisted it'd be safer for the kids... She stared at it shivering. She did not know what to say… So she just… She opened her mouth and words came out.

 _Oh, you can't hear me cry_

 _See my dreams all die_

 _From where you're standing_

 _On your own._

 _It's so quiet here_

 _And I feel so cold_

 _This house no longer_

 _Feels like home._

"He left nothing. There was nothing in his car. Or maybe I don't remember at all. Were there toys in his car too? He used to bring Zola to her dance lessons. So maybe she left a few things in it. She has a habit of bringing the house with her wherever she goes. But he had been in DC, for a while, working for the president, being true to his universally awesome self… And… It just occurred to me… I did not check. He loved his car. It was a Porsche something. He loved driving fast. It was his toy! Do you have a car? Do you have endless piles of junk in it? For Derek, I can't say if he left anything… They gave me anything they thought was of value. His cell, his wallet… His watch… His wedding ring… I did not even think he was wearing the damn thing... But I don't know what was in his car. I can't say… I didn't see it. I was home trying to decide what would fit him best for the viewing. Karen from the funeral home... she suggested a black suit... So there was that suit I love... He cheated on his first wife with it... with me... here... in one of the consult room... Thought he would look nice again in it... Anyway..Waiting for Cristina to call… I left a message while she was on the plane… because… I realized I had no home. That was his home… and his estate. Of course I knew I was married to him… But I did not know for sure. I don't do papers. So I needed Cristina to tell me where I should go or what I was supposed to do. I refused to believe it might be it. This thing with walls and a magnificent view on the mountains was my home now. Not our home. Just mine. I just… That house was not my home. It was empty, disfigured and soulless and… That's all he left. A house without a soul or anything resembling that… He could have stayed with me and send an email on that day. But he had to go, be the good guy, be polite and leave me home… Leave me a home. And his lawyer, his real estate agent, they are harassing me for answers I don't have. They want me to decide if I still want this crappy gift from him. They want me to be a good reasonable widow and take the fucking house or sell it. Or just be glad, I can roll in money… I don't want to be a widow. And I still don't know why he left our home to me. I don't know how he could think I could do the mother thing alone… Why did I ever say I didn't need him? And now I'm watching as they dispose of my car… and I realized today I could have made that horrible gift to my children. Isn't that a sick joke? I could have passed the torch. I am a douche… mother."

Warren patiently covered her shoulders with the coat.

"I almost died today. What would I have left to my children? An empty house… Good Job, Meredith? I am even worse than my mother."

He nodded, slowly and methodically ingesting the flow of informations.

"You probably are, we tend to become worse than our parents as we get older. It's sad."

Meredith blinked in confusion.

"But then again, you're probably not the best judge you know. You can't be too easy or too hard on yourself. And you're still here, Meredith. You're not dead." He simply said. "Also keep in mind, a house is nice. You could rent it. To a couple of funny foreign tenants who don't speak english so you don't have to understand what they want for instance. Use it as a dressing room if you're into that sort of thing. Transform it into a chic vineyard and have wine parties in it. Pile it with medical equipment and build your own lab. Make it a warehouse for all the useless things you and your children don't need but will buy with all that money. It's not like he is coming back to check on it. You're free to go crazy. Nobody will judge you. I certainly won't, I own a boat. I never have time to sail anymore, nor the inclination to. But I do own a boat. It's a very nice boat and people asked me to rent it all the time. I say no because I'm quite selfish. It's mine. I just like the sight of it and the feeling of owning a boat. It follows me around everywhere, my boat. I don't usually tell people. But sometimes I just sit in front of it with a pack of beers and just stare at it… not touching it… Just staring. I own a boat and I had not been sailing since 2002. But trust me it's quite a nice boat and it's all worth it."

His restless left hand brushed the side of her face, over the bandages. She looked up at him with unique familiarity, as if she just woke up there… as if it was just the two of them and she woke up apologetically on the wrong side of the bed.

"Hey!" She said with a smile as if it was just perfectly alright for him to be touching her hair. "I…"

"Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"You're going to pretend that didn't happen."

"I can and I will if you do as well."

"Good. "

"So… out of bed?"

"I'm not in bed because there are so many papers to fill out when you do something stupid."

"Shouldn't you leave that to someone else?"

"Well, there's only… one little me."

Tilting his head slightly in acknowledgement, his hands in his pockets, he smiled.

"Indeed."

Meredith noticed at last the coat.

" Thanks for… It was sorely needed. Thanks..."

"I noticed."

Meredith took a deep breath, fidgeting awkwardly.

"So… Where's … Catherine? She doesn't look like she would be willing to let you get off that easy."

"She gave me the tour. I had lunch with her. But I was starving so I went for a bite and… well…I met an old acquaintance."

He went to pick up a few things on the floor and before Meredith could tell him he didn't have to help her, Catherine came out of the hospital running, Richard in tow.

"You had to say her name… and ruined this magical moment." he teased Meredith.

"You call it magical. I call it awkward. I take the blame though." She retorted back.

He snickered at that.

"Where is my son?" She screamed at them.

"In the car." He said pointing at the limo still parked in the driveway. Catherine opened the door and leaned over Jackson's slumped body. Meredith tilted her head in order to have a better view. Oh my! Jackson looked completely out of it!

"Jackson is here. He appears to be… completely wasted… Catherine doesn't look happy about it. Richard looks worried. That's your acquaintance? You got drunk with Jackson!"

"I didn't get drunk. I'm still on your case."

"So, you're a proper doctor now because you just had one drink!"

"Now, you're mean. I understand why they call you Medusa. You were so cute and small... and funny this morning!"

"I take it back if you want. I am a one drink person too. But really all afternoon I presume."

"I had one drink not that I have to explain myself to you. You of all people!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You are quite versed in reckless behavior!"

"Everything I say now will be held against me. Is that it?"

"It's seems a little late to be thinking about that."

She glared in his direction.

"Jackson, what have you done to yourself!"

"Catherine, calm down."

"Do not tell me to calm down Richard! Where is April? She needs to see this and help me stop this foolishness!"

Catherine grabbed her cellphone. Meredith raised an eyebrow willing herself to stay as far away from that drama as she could. Well, she knew that was selfish but... They seemed to be dealing with a lot of things right now.

"Well that's awkward! I guess it didn't go well with April."

He nodded.

"I suppose it's the kind of hospital where everybody intimately knows everybody and ultimately butts in each other's business."

"Well, you suppose well. Is there any other kind of hospital?"

"You're right."

"So what's your connection?"

"With Catherine? I was her intern at some point."

"I see. At some point."

"What do you mean?"

"You know she's married, right? To the closest thing I have resembling a father… It's complicated around here. So, I think I should warn you… since you and me, we started off really good… in that… Patient /doctor relationship."

" I see… And…at the same time, I don't see…the problem."

"You slept with her… "at some point"… Maybe it's just semantic. Humor me. But I feel like words are important. The worse part in all this is you're still caring… for her… For Jackson. You still like her. I can see…"

"You paint a pretty picture, Dr Grey."

"Complicated always starts with a pretty picture. I'm kind of a pro at this…"

"Because you married your attending…"

" Ok…That was fair I guess…"

"I asked questions. People talk to me because I ask nicely. Then I drew stupid conclusions just like you."

"You got me there."

"I'm not that selfless and good a person, Meredith! I am not here to save anybody!"

"Neither am I. I am quite a mess. Haven't you heard?"

"Let's just leave it at that then. Let's get you to bed. "

She blinked again in surprise. Meredith could not help the smile. It was just the way he said it.

"How long have you wanted to say that?"

"I guess since this morning."

"You always flirt with your patients on the first day you meet them?"

" Do you think that was me flirting? No, trust me, when I will start flirting with you and it will happen before I'm gone, you will know."

"Oh! Ok. Did that line ever work?"

"You tell me."

"I won't lie… It had amazing timing. It …almost worked."

"Almost" is all I need for now."

"Look at you, all cool and debonair!"

"Look at you, so cold and distant. I could almost forget you flirted with me first."

She did not. It must have shown on her face because he raised an eyebrow calling her bluff. It made her laugh nonetheless.

"You wanted to make an impression, Dr Grey? Just admit it."

He picked up the car seat and the box and they started walking toward the hospital.

"You changed shirt. Bought yourself a new one…"

"How do you know that?"

Meredith slowed down and tore the label out.

"That's an expensive shirt."

"I have expensive tastes."

"Who's trying to make an impression?"

"I only wanted to keep the bloody one as a souvenir."

"I don't have anything from you."

"Well, we can work on that." He said while opening the door for her. His phone rang and he paused to answer. Meredith uneasily stopped to wait for him.

The smile soon faded on Warren's face though.

"What did you just say? You did not send the police after my surgeons? No, you did not because you care for your career right now. So tell me you did not? Damn it! You're an idiot! I need to talk with someone with half a brain."

Meredith surveyed the lobby before lowering her gaze to the floor. She fidgeted slightly for a minute and looked at her watch. Wendy will probably drop Bailey and Ellis in a couple of hours. She should call the nursery to warn them.

"Dr Meredith Grey-Shepherd?"

She turned slowly. Two police officers in uniforms and one dressed as a civilian walked toward her.

"Yes, that's me. Just Dr Grey is fine though."

"I'm Detective Mills. We need to ask you a few questions, Dr Grey. Shouldn't you be in your room resting? We went upstairs and did not find you."

Well, it seemed it was a question she should ask herself too.

"Me… I… I just … I got down to… pick up a few things. You want to talk to me... about what exactly. I don't know much. I was simply trying to help. I just… I didn't see the children… in the car…"

"Please, follow us. We can drive you to the office."

"My daughter is upstairs…in the nursery. I'm waiting for my two youngest. They will be arriving soon."

"It won't be too long I promise."

Meredith took a deep breath and nodded shakily. She started to follow them but paused at the door.

"I don't have any ID or… anything on me. "

"You don't need it."

"I don't know. I told you… I didn't see the children. I have children. I would never hurt children."

"Dr Grey, please…"

"She's not going with you." Warren said before he finally hung the call.

"I'm not?" Meredith turned toward him worriedly.

"Dr Grey is not allowed to leave this hospital. She was poly-traumatized as of this morning. She won't be discharged before her scans cleared her."

"We just catch her walking about."

"She was with me retrieving valuable things from her car, nothing too extraneous. You can talk to her in the conference room if you want. But she must be under medical surveillance at all time. Meaning I'm coming with you."

"It's not really… how…"

Warren grabbed Meredith's arm and started walking before the detective could properly protest.

"You can lean, Dr Grey?"

She did as she was told and slowed her steps to his purposefully.

"What are you doing?" She whispered in his ears.

" I'm trying to prevent you from doing something silly again. You seemed of making a habit of doing just that."

"You don't even work here technically."

"Do you wanna tell him?"

"I am a board member. I can I hire you sort of."

"Now you're talking… but don't talk too much. Just brief answers will be just fine. It's alright if you don't remember either."

"Alright, doctor. But you're in trouble too… I heard you on the phone. Something is happening with you. It was just like this morning… Though worse."

"Don't worry about that. Everything will be fine."

"You promise?"

"No."

"Good, I don't like being lied to and cuddle into a false sense of comfort."

"I would never do that to you, Meredith. You don't need it. You're tough."

As they arrived in front of the elevator, Maggie was just getting out, the door closing behind her as Alex went back upstairs.

"Oh Mer… Sorry I took so long I had to talk to Mr Pollard… but he was gone and... I met with… Alex and... What's happening?"

"I will be in the conference room with the police officers and Warren… You can tell Richard… and Catherine where to find me."

"Do you need a lawyer?" Maggie frowned.

"Of course not, Dr Pierce… I understand you're worried but it's all for nothing. The detective just want her word with Dr Grey, and she didn't do anything wrong, nor has she anything to hide."

Meredith nodded with a crisped smile, the self-assured one reserve to patient's family after she had just explained how delicate the situation was.

"Of course… Okay… Great!" Maggie nodded. As soon as they got inside the elevator and the doors closed in front of her, Maggie ran to find Richard.

* * *

A/N: A last thought, I feel I had Meredith be a bit harsh on insurance companies and their employees, considering I am an insurance broker, specialized into dealing with grieving families during the life insurance policy payment process. I simply felt like Meredith wouldn't like the professional sympathy and that struck a chord in her. But we're not bad people, we do have have hearts. I wanted to say that because I felt my profession was being dissed. ( by none other than my damn self lol).


	22. How to save a life and get jailed for it

**Disclaimer** : I am an unapologetic sinner. Sorry!

 **A/N:** Thanks for the reviews like always, **Patsy, Faith, Karen** and **guests**.

-22-

How to save a life… and get jailed for it

Richard and Adele Webber tried for years to have children. Sometimes in their forties, they stopped trying to force fate and consider the possibility that it was probably not in the card for them. And Richard conciliated with the idea that his job was probably already taking much of the space anyway and children might have a hard time fitting in his hectic schedule. Today, when he looked back at things, he understood why it was so easy for him to come to terms with this. All his surgeons behave like children, albeit very independent unruly ones, they were children nonetheless. He always had his plate full with them. And that was before he even learned of the existence of Maggie or even before he accepted Meredith in the program. Looking at Jackson, he knew a few things should be done. He should be hydrated for once. He should be scolded was another thing. Jackson was supposed to be finishing his shift right now. He was on the schedule. To think he got drunk during working hours was so out of character. He could have been called for an emergency. They could have needed him. To know he made that kind of bad judgement call worried him. The ex-alcoholic inside him was sending him warnings of all kind. Catherine was pacing in front of him... Well, that got out of hand rather quickly.

"Who are you? I'm… I'm sorry I must have made a wrong number." She hung up and called again.

This time, her call went straight to voicemail.

"I can't reach April. What is she doing? Richard, I'm worried." Catherine said while holding Jackson's head. She tried again. "Where is she? Why can't she pick up her phone?" She snapped angrily at him.

"Heard she was at Meredith last night… She is probably home resting ? She is not scheduled for another day following her last double shift covering the pit. "

"I just tried their home. She is not answering."

"Maybe something happened. What did Fresker said? Did Jackson talk to him?"

Catherine searched for Warren. She had forgotten about him. He was standing with Meredith there just a minute ago.

"I didn't ask. "

"Catherine… Richard? Sorry? Dr Webber?"

Maggie came out of the hospital running.

"Pierce? What's wrong?" Catherine said, putting back her phone in her pockets.

"The police! They took Meredith… They took her to the conference room I think. They wanted to talk to her."

"Where is Warren?"

"He went with her!"

"Great! That's just great!" Richard roared. "Pierce, find me a gurney."

Maggie nodded immediately.

"What is just wrong with the world today?!" Catherine grumbled.

"If I just knew, Darling! If only I knew! "

Maggie came back with a wheelchair.

"I found a wheelchair in the hall. I can take..."

She hesitated as she did not know what the gurney was for. Please, no more accident. She prayed internally. As if she followed a train of thoughts, sharing in her concerns, Catherine replied.

"It's Jackson... He is being an idiot."

Maggie approached and the smell of vodka was so strong, she had no trouble understanding the situation. That ! She could take care of! So she nodded with resolve.

" I will take care of him. Can you check this thing with Meredith?"

He nodded as he helped them lift an unconscious Jackson.

"I will go with them, Love. Tell Meredith Grey to not to say or do anything stupid. Now is not the time for stupid. "

Richard acquiesced and went back inside.

"So what do you remember, Dr Grey?" Detective Mills asked.

While Warren Fresker was sitting in the back of the room, seemingly playing with his smartphone, Meredith sat in a chair across the table facing Detective Mills.

"Did you notice anything particular with the car?"

"I don't remember… It happened so fast."

He took a few notes.

"So you just … what? You went in your car and… just drive back."

"I don't know… The way she took the curb… I can't… She was driving recklessly. I was trying to… I don't know."

"Do you think she drive more recklessly than you?"

"She was not stopping."

"So, you took it upon yourself to stop her, right. Like a vigilante?"

"So you make the questions and also the answers? Great!"

"I'm just trying to understand you, Dr Grey?"

"No, you're not."

"I heard your husband tragically died in a car crash last year."

"And my sister in a plane crash… I almost drowned. I almost got shot too. At this stage, it makes me the perfect criminal, right?"

"Meredith?" Warren warned behind her.

"Dr Fresker, you promised you won't intervene during investigation?"

"I was not." He shook his head.

"Dr Grey… "

"I don't like you insinuating things, that's all. I didn't do it on purpose. It was the only way I thought she could be stopped. If there was any other way without people getting harmed…"

"But you said there was no time to think..."

"No, there was no time to think! So I took a quick decision and backed my car in order to get in her way and stopped her car. I think it's quite clear."

" Quite clear? I wonder… Do you realize it was very dangerous and you could have been hurt badly?"

"The way she was driving, she was unfortunately set to kill. She had no control over that car!"

"You did not answer my question."

"How is it relevant to your investigation anyway?"

"Dr Grey, a little girl died as a result of the accident..."

"No, she had a bullet through a skull. That's what killed her. So, will you find the monster who did that?"

"Dr Grey, you seem to know a lot and…"

"Before you put me in your crime scene carrying a .45 millimeters, I simply read her chart. You know since I'm a doctor here."

" Dr Grey…"

"I think that's enough." Warren said as he bolted from his chair.

"This is my interview and I will end it..."

" Dr Grey suffered a concussion and she needs to rest. It's evident that the whole process had taken its toll on her."

"I have the right to interview her here."

"She just told you what happened. She was minding her own business when that car came into view, driverless. The rest is history. I can tell you that since that's exactly what I told you as a witness. The fact that you're trying to pin this on my patient is quite frankly revolting. There is someone out there who shot an entire family thinking he could get away with it. And you're wasting time…"

"You speak more like a lawyer than a doctor."

"Great, that only means you will understand me more, since it will hit closer to home. Dr Grey, I will get you back to your room."

"She is fine. She can still answer my questions."

"According to whom…" He opened the door.

Richard arrived at the same time. Meredith breathed a sigh of relief.

"I have someone on the line for you, Detective Mills." Richard said, handing his phone to him.

Richard had met Captain Davenport during the shooting as he was the officer in charge. Successfully co-managing the Gary Clarke situation with Richard had earned him another promotion something he wanted to share with the chief of surgery of the Seattle Grace after such a difficult case. Over the years, the two men had struck a friendship of sorts and hung out often to the point where Captain Davenport and his wife Suzanne were invited to Webber's wedding.

So, after Richard explained the situation to him, it was not too hard to convince him to intervene on Meredith's behalf.

Warren held out his hand and pulled a shocked Meredith to her feet. Richard and him exchanged a deep look of understanding as they left the room. At last they made it to her room. Meredith was breathless and sweating, so Warren did what any doctor would, he picked up the stethoscope still around her neck. He made her sit down on the bed to listen to her heart.

Meredith reached for the side of his face. She needed him to look at her, really take a good look at her. He was her doctor and she was in pain. She could barely breathe.

" Ask me…"

He shook his head and tried to take the appropriate step back.

"Please, I wanna tell you… I wanna tell someone. I need to tell someone..."

He stared into her eyes for a second noticing her blue eyes for the first time. They were rebellious sparks of green in them. Her lips were a shade of unnatural pink barely moist. He looked into her eyes again.

"Why did you do this, Meredith?"

She let out all the air inside her lungs.

"I did not think much. That much is true. I thought it could end here… The memories… and the pain… It's driving me crazy. I thought here was a good opportunity to let go! That's why I did it! That's why I... I..."

Well, he most definitely liked it better when she pretended to be badass. He grabbed her by her shoulders, pulling her upward with him, almost angrily.

"Why would you tell me that? Why?!"

"I don't know." She kept whispering.

Things were also getting slowly unclear for Warren as he pulled her against him and his arms closed around her in the most unprofessional manner. He stroked her back in a urgent way, his motions steadily slowing as his feelings shifted as well.

"I can't save you, Meredith. I can't do that. Don't ask me to do that." He told her in a whisper.

Meredith kept crying silently as she circled his neck with her arms and held on tighter. The door briskly opened to reveal Shaw, one of Stephanie's ducklings.

"Sorry, I thought I forgot my phone here. This."

"Leave." Warren said, none too gently.

"Yes, sir." Shaw scurried to pick up her phone and immediately left.

Meredith took a step back and wiped her face quickly. She kept her eyes trained on the floor.

"Meredith?"

"I will be fine. I'm already fine."

His phone rang with immediate urgency. It was a call he probably needed to take. But he was reluctant to break this moment and the worst part was how he didn't know why. They were strangers. She had no idea who he was and he probably had no idea who she really was. She was the wife of Derek Shepherd. That little piece of reminder seemed to do the trick. He put his hands back in his pocket.

"I need to go."

"Yes, I know. I will be resting upon the doctor's order… Thank you. For everything."

Seeing as he was unmoving, as he stood there just looking at her, seeing as it made her feel even more uncomfortable, Meredith reluctantly made eye contact again and forced a self-assured smile on her face.

"I will be fine. You can go now."

He brushed the side of her face again… and her lips… and the tears that wanted to fall. Meredith gathered all her strength at that very moment. She was going to be fine. She did not need anything but herself. He made another step toward her and she did not move. The phone rang again. Willing himself away from her, just in case he did or say something he will probably regret later, this time he took the call, all the while pondering why it took him so long. Meredith watched him leave with the same blank look on her face. What was she doing? She had no idea. She just knew his presence filled her head with thoughts and ridiculous ideas and it was a much better alternative than staying alone… Alone with her thoughts of Derek… She was getting cold again and realized she left his coat in the conference room.

 _You caused my heart to bleed and_

 _You still owe me a reason_

 _I can't figure out why..._

Meredith looked through the window at the city lights shimmering against the mantle of darkness.

 _You caused my heart to bleed and_

 _You still owe me a reason_

 _I can't figure out why..._

"Dr Fresker?"

Warren walked briskly.

"Yes."

" it's Lillah, you told me to call you if something really bad happen."

"Yes, Lillah…"

He froze midway on the bridge.

Mya was screaming hysterically while Thanvi was trying to calm her down... calm everyone down. Kyle, sweaty beyond words, put down his bleeding scalpel in the tray. He looked up to see Vika do the same and she took a step back. Keren dropped on the floor as a detonation opened the door violently. Two heavily armored police officers went in, pointing guns. He put his hands behind his head slowly. And Vika mirrored him, mouthing a few words only he could understand at that time.

"It was all worth it." Is what he believed she said.

She was brutally shoved on the floor as a police officer struggled to restrain her. Kyle was forced to the floor just like her. As they dragged him outside, he saw Vika smile almost as if she was rejoicing in all this. Mya was carried away screaming. Only a certain chief nurse refused to be brutalized, so she filmed the whole thing with Vika's smartphone. Thanvi walked outside on her own accord. They led everyone outside.

 _Oh, you can't hear me cry_

 _See my dreams all die_

 _From where you standing_

 _On your own_

 _It's so quiet here and I feel so cold_

 _This house no lounger_

 _Feels like home._

The boy remained on the table alone for two long minutes. After being the cause of all this fuss, anyone would believe that he would be the center of all attentions after this. But he was not. The next team of surgeon was scrubbing in while he lied on the table. His monitor beeping was oddly measured. His respiration was slowly getting steady. His heart rate was strong. A large piece of tumor rested sloppily in a metallic disposer, blood dripping on the floor next to a ten-blade scalpel.

* * *

Song: **So Cold - Ben Cocks ft Niquisha Reyes** ( as a continuation of last chapter)


	23. The chief's job

**Disclaimer:** Someone own all the rights to the Grey's Anatomy characters and it's not me.

 **A/N** : I'm really thankful for the attention this story gets and for all the message of support each chapters got till now. I'm not too demanding here. I accept guests gladly. I welcome reviews of any kind and length on my story. I'm not going to stop writing without reviews but I like them a lot I won't lie. In fact, I don't care if people have a few things negative to say about the story, I'd rather someone correct me if I'm wrong. But well, Reviewing is an art and three things irked me.

First, it's leaving a negative review without a name. That is so impolite. I think only trolls do that to get attention,as in you know who I am but I don't know who you are... Registering is free. You don't even have to for you to at least leave a name. You purposely leave me at a disadvantage so I can't take you seriously. Leave a name, a nickname, a pseudo, I don't care. So I can at least picture who I'm talking to.

Second, is not explaining properly what went wrong in the story. Something bothered you, you're confused, explain what, who and how can I help you. I'm nice most of the time. I want to help. Don't leave me hanging and agonizing about what I possibly did wrong? Have a bit of empathy!That is also trollish to just come and say you're confused and not point out where I did lost you. I'm french west-indian, english is not my maternal language, so I'm sorry I make mistakes.

Third, I like sharing my views on GA's characters, I love talking about the show or about pretty much everything else. But what I don't like is for people to not respect my opinion. You can be opposed to my opinion. It's okay. We're different. In return, I probably don't share yours. But I respect your opinion. I want you to respect mine. I'm not seeking a trend. I'm not riding any bandwagon but mine. If you can't support my views, you don't have to but don't tell me they are other fans out there who thankfully think like you ( I don't care I'm not twelve... I've been on this website long enough...I like what I like...) or you knowing better than me... Except if your name is Shonda Rhymes, you don't. So stop right there.

Thank you **Beth** **, Sara,** **Faith, Karen, Jamelia, Patsy,** and all the **guests,** when all thing is said and done, it gave me a nice jolt of happiness to read you, specially **Jamelia** both your comments made my day because my mood was kinda blue from something that happened at work and I was just started to get worked up over that comment. You just said what I wanted to hear. I think you hugged me too with your kind words.

 _-23-_

The Chief's job

Your past is like you, in the sense that it sometimes wants to be left alone. It also doesn't need to be constantly revisited. Most of the time, it hates all the fucking protagonists in your story including yourself. And no, you can't change what happened any more than you can change who you were at that time, who you became after that, the mess you are nowadays, and the tool you will be tomorrow. And frankly, your past couldn't care less. You past always considered the damage done. And your past doesn't forgive easily. And your past is always telling people how you were always so much better or so much worse than you were at the time. We can say to sum things up that your past is way more into hyperboles than you are. And that here, my friend, is your past silently mocking you.

Warren gave a quick glance to his watch. His eyes narrowed on the target. He took a step back while the woman kept talking. He needed to keep it under control. The aggression, the volatile impulse to break something, he took a silent step back and wiped the exhaustion from his face. Things were under control. Every problem had their solution. Every goal had a mean. He looked at the nurse tag of Debbie Ballard more than he listened to her. He needed to use a phone since the battery of his decided to die down during another screaming match with Whyatt. And right now, Nurse Debbie was the only thing that separated him from one. He eyed the phone station with obvious interest. Debbie was unrelenting, with an unbreakable ethic, that apparently couldn't be bought with a hundred dollar bill. After five minutes of negotiation, she was still refusing to give him access to the nurse's station phone under the pretense he was not officially part of the staff. When she advised him to cross the street to find a free public phone, he knew he had to walk away. He took a quick glance at his phone, the so-called piece of technology, the battery was dangerously low. He needed to keep it alive for a little longer as some of the numbers in his contact list he didn't know by heart.

He followed the directions to faculty offices, crossing the bridge away from the surgical floor. Only one office was open. And guess whose? The door of the chief's office opened with a gloomy creak. He sighed, disgruntled. This will have to do. He thought. He spotted the phone easily in a desk corner. He needed coffee. Was the coffeemaker even working? This thing looked ancient. He picked up a clean mug on the side table and filled it anyway.

He sat down, sensing a headache on its way. Nudging the bridge of his nose, he tried to think this whole thing through. The fact he lacked focus was even more annoying to him since he didn't like being distracted. His mind was playing tricks on him constantly replaying his conversations with Meredith Grey as she told him things she should not be telling him or anyone… They had a moment right there. He barely knew her. They had that moment and well it had been so unexpected. It was not even that he believed she was weak or… diffident. He could never associate her with those adjectives and he only knew her for something like ten hours. He couldn't say what she was in fact. She was an enigma. She absolutely did not look like she would lie meekly in the face of adversity. She had nerves. He will give her that. He didn't know what it was. She stood out today like a flash of light in the dark. She just stood out. He had no idea why she was taking so much space in his mind right now. He had tons of work to do, he had careers to crush, his hospital to save. He had things to do. He could not be caring about a single mother whose husband died just a year ago in a car crash! Not even speaking of the fact the husband was Derek Shepherd, was there anything on earth less enticing than this profile? This couldn't work. He leaned in the armchair. At least, this seat was quite comfortable. He looked through the bay windows at the hospital. Nope, he barely knew her… and somehow he knew it was better it stayed that way. He picked up the phone to place a short phone call which went straight to voicemail.

"Phil, it's me. I have a situation at the clinic. Will you call Gareth and Charles for me? I need them down there as soon as they can. Call me back at this number."

Then he searched for an adapter for his phone, he could only find an apple charger in a drawer. He soon lost hope. The office was otherwise spotless. His charger was somewhere in his briefcase, a briefcase he left in the car, the car whose driver he sent home for the night with instructions to drop his things at the hotel Catherine booked him. That was brilliant by the way! He sat down again, borrowing a pen and some paper. He started taking notes, organizing his thoughts in order, registering a couple of important numbers on the paper. He needed to analyze all the current problems and find a solution. It was a pretty simple job in theory but thinking of Meredith Grey was currently not helping.

The phone rang, filling the room with noises.

"Yes, thanks for calling back, Phil. How are you?"

"Well, I'm always glad to help you, Warren, but do you know what time it is?"

"Yes, I know, it's quite outside office hours but I need you to get down there for me. I am in Seattle. I can't deal with this situation without you guys. You will bill me your hours with that extra bonuses you only add to friends."

"You're joking? You always get a discount, Warren."

"What discount?"

"Why can't you use your law team when you're in that kind of mood?"

"Because… well, they're probably not on my side… right now. They gave Liz Whyatt, the liaison for Pegasus full power over me. I sent you by mail the transcript of the board meeting they sent me. With all that power, this dim-witted woman did not find anything better to do but to made them arrest one of my surgeon for battery and assault charges."

"Warren, that's quite an accusation."

He shook his head.

"I am aware thank you. "

"That explained the mood."

"You can see why I call you."

Then Warren proceeded in telling him the whole story, all the while, staying brief, leaving out inconsistent events. He stopped mid-sentence. There was something he was forgetting. Something was bothering him. He eyed the door. People were whispering in the hallways. Something in the atmosphere of the quiet office brought him back to the morning, when he entered the Pollard car and saw the spilled petals of flowers an intense shade of blue. _A full bouquet of Matsumoto Aster perfumed the room._ _Ask me… Please…_ He closed his eyes and got back on the subject at hand. No, Yeahquo didn't assault a patient.

He slammed the table in frustration.

"No, here... Not in this case… See, he had the father's consent… He followed this kid for years. The family trusted him. At the time he entered that OR… I'm sure… Well, I don't know how she turned the father against him but she did. It's ridiculous of course. But she did and then she called the police. I'm sure the board is aware. They probably planned this. I call it like it is. I saw enough of this in my country. It's a coup."

The voice of Phil Lancaster, his lawyer, was almost completely drowned out in the midst of his decidedly disorganized thoughts. _I own a boat_. Why on earth did he tell her that?

"I'm sending you everything right now. The boy is alive as far as I know."

"The charges probably won't hold."

"No, I'm sure it won't. I will talk to Morris. There's no way he can take that woman seriously. I can't."

He didn't know her. So why on earth did he feel the need to tell her this? She was beautiful, that much he could say about her. She wasn't beautiful in a classical way. She was not a delicate and perky blonde. Well, he probably wouldn't have looked twice at her if that had been the case. Her face was quite round, with nice bone structures but nothing unforgettable. Her expression was constantly moody and resolute. There was an air of higher intelligence in her eyes. Sarcasm came easy to her. She looked into people's eyes without shortcuts or traces of shyness, with a fierce intensity, with a straightforwardness. It was like taking a punch or a cold shower. It was like being kissed also...getting stripped down. It was unpleasing. But still, it was there also, he was aware of it too, the fact that he liked it quite a bit. And the other thing he instantly liked and hated about her all at once was the way she smiles. Her smile could express ten strong emotions at once in a matter of seconds. She could be sad. She could be alluring. She could be sexy. She could be angry in her smile too. It rendered him perplex that she could do all this, simply with her mouth and the way she puckered those lips, the way it always matched the determination in her eyes. There was nothing to throw away. She was beautiful.

He kept answering Phil's question as if on autopilot.

"...I voted against this project because it's a ridiculously bad idea on the long term. But Yeahquo is our biggest name on the team… Seriously Kyle's contract is worth millions. Going after him is like taking my whole work down. He would be the last of a long series of surgeons forced to leave by the circumstances lately. The contract is in my safe… The numbers? We're talking $6,510,000 a year, $2,200,000 as a bonus his first year then a mandatory 1.7% salary raise each year. "

"This guy makes more than me. Why? Life is cruel!"

The question was so full of sarcasm it brought Warren back to the conversation at hand.

"Graduated High school at fourteen, followed the MIT Biology undergraduate Curriculum. He studied Microbiology a year in Singapore, Medical Robotics in Tokyo university another year. Got into John Hopkins medical school and graduated top of his class. His internship was also done in John Hopkins under Dr Bob Wade-Jensen. "

"Bob… Who?"

"He is a legend in our field, a Pioneer in Pancreatic Laparoscopy surgery. And now his resident is a twice Harper Avery winner, one time with the Strauss Center. He was elected fourth year in a row best surgeon in the United States. He is a best-selling author. He had been the perfect standard bearer for the center, and the face on our brochures for many years now. I negotiated his contract myself. Actually, I got them a discount on the guy. Kyle is hot-headed… but he is loyal."

"What are you not telling me Warren?"

"What do you mean? "

" My firm has been representing your family for forty years. My dad was your grandfather's attorney until his death four years ago. You were my first client, fresh out of high school. I thought it was a joke."

"Well, little rich white guy causes trouble… It's quite cliché."

"Not when that rich guy is worth a quarter billion dollars… "

"… the family trade not mine. "

"You still managed to illegally make your first million when you were 18. I swear I wish my son would be half as ingenious, and brazenly independent you and your brothers were back then. He is in his thirties but each week he's asking me for more money. "

Well, he was independent because he had to. He literally had no other choice. There was no use in rewarding him for any wrongful behavior of the past.

"Well, let's put it this way, they are things in his past… Just like they are things in mine…"

"What kind of thing? Things like a cocaine-addicted dead girlfriend… or things like a fetish for dressing up as a woman. Don't get me wrong while the latter doesn't faze me, the former intrigued me a lot. None of these I considered detrimental to the building of a strong unbreakable defense but I need to know. I need to fill in these holes."

"Really?"

"Really Warren..."

"Simply put. He was once suspected of voluntary manslaughter and terrorist conspiracy and there was a girlfriend involved, not quite dead but she is currently sitting on death row."

"Warren, you're always pushing… First, that girl… you decided to…"

"They are the best. They are the very best there is in my opinion. That's why I'm pushing. I'm paid to do just that, you know. That's my job."

" Not nearly enough… I'm telling you. We will ask for a raise."

"Not nearly enough I can agree. We will."

"When others see damaged goods you see potential, I get that."

Warren hesitated. That was it. Meredith Grey. She was damaged. She was ostensibly damaged in ways he could only guess it had taken decades to break her and will take a lifetime to glue her back together. In a sense, she felt familiar. He was always in familiar territory with her.

"You've always been special with a unique perspective. Well, I imagined if I grew up like you abroad, it'd be something else too. But do they really deserve your dedication… There was that time…" Phil continued.

Scratching his brow, Warren hesitated.

"About that… Amelia Shepherd, she is here."

"Here?"

"In Seattle. In the hospital, I'm visiting."

"You're visiting an hospital in Seattle?"

"I'm visiting."

"You're not planning to relocate there? Reassure me."

"I'm not…"

"Warren… I can't advise you enough…"

"I know. I am being cautious."

Was he really being cautious? It didn't seem like flirting with Amelia's sister -in- law was exactly what Phil had in mind when he advised him to play it safe. He wasn't reckless. He knew that had to stop. He had to put the limit somewhere. But stopping would also be like acknowledging there was something between them and he knew better than to do that. For him, it would be like opening the Pandora box.

"Listen, I know the risks I take. They're calculated. The probability I will get fired tonight? I'd say something really…high…right now. Humor me here. That's why I need you. You're the best I know... I know my chances get better with you in my corner."

" Ah! Okay, I will see what I can do. We did face worse. This is a walk in the park. A very late walk in the park."

"Thanks, Phil."

Leaning on the chair, he made another call.

" Lillah? It's Dr Fresker again. Tell me more… about the kid's condition. Read me his chart."

He played with the paper knife absent-mindedly while Lillah reported to him. The bronze scalpel was engraved with markings. The back was embossed with a name, Ellis Grey. _He is the closest thing to a father_ …

He leaned on the back of the seat, half-listening to Lillah. _Ask me… I need to tell someone… It might as well be you… Just ask me again how I feel… I know I did this. I brought this on myself with you. I just did. I betrayed him and now he is dead and I'm just like him. I'm dead too. I'm a walking zombie and each time I see you I wanna die a little more… Please let go of me. I said let go! A priceless china vase flew in the air, exploding against the wall into millions of blue and white shards. Blue Matsumoto Aster petals were spread across the hardwood floor._ Warren closed his eyes _._ It couldn't be that simple. It couldn't be that she simply reminded him of her. He shook his head. _I can't save you Meredith. Don't ask me to._ Meredith couldn't be reminding him of…

 **All the things that I've done- The Killers**

 _The sun was boiling down each particles of dust in the air making it difficult to breathe. Running was just like breathing. It was intense and dangerous. His face was sunburned. The streets were just large and covered in that almost ochre dust, which was a bit like sand and argyles combined but not quite so. There was nowhere to hide. Almost. He spotted it first but Dyshiki for all his trouble was the best runner in the family. So he was running way ahead. They glided on the slight hill, never stopping. He barely leaned on one of the huts to find his balance again. They started running again. At last, their lungs on fire, they saw their only hope at a reprieve, a seemingly abandoned truck lying boneless on four cinder blocks. Dyshiki crawled under with ease but he knew he was done. He had two Rolexes for lunch. We were not talking about expensive watches. We were talking giant flatbreads filled with so many ingredients he couldn't recall all of them. Seeing that he was stuck, Dyshiki decided to crawl out and wait with him. So they hid against the rusted car wreck, breathless, having run all the way through the tiny streets of the small town._

 _"_ _That was crazy!"_

 _"_ _That was fun, Ambesa!"_

 _"_ _Who was that girl? She was way out of your league, Dyshiki. How old was she?"_

 _"_ _Age is just a number. She was totally going for me."_

 _"_ _You already have a girlfriend."_

 _"_ _Well, another one who wanted me to come meet her dad. No thanks! That was not working out for me. This one was not so complicated."_

 _He blinked twice._

 _"_ _Dyshiki, did you do something to that girl?"_

 _"_ _To that girl. No! With that girl? Maybe?" He gave him a knowing wink._

 _"_ _Dad is going to kill us."_

 _"_ _Why you ? You didn't do anything. You were in your books like always, St Warren."_

 _"_ _Does he ever care that I am innocent? Were you safe at least?"_

 _"_ _Yes, as a matter of fact, I was. Don't worry! I taught them everything dad taught us on the subject. And you know how he likes to be like an encyclopedia I was very thorough too."_

 _"_ _Them?"_

 _"_ _Well, she had a cousin… and her sister."_

 _"_ _I left you a couple of hours to get that Swahili advanced course. What did you do man?"_

 _Dyshiki shrugged, sweat pouring on his brows and on his flushed cheeks. It was his way of saying this things do happen and he wasn't at fault here. It was kind of typical coming from him. He clumsily wiped out on his tee-shirt._

 _"_ _You're right. Dad won't kill us… The family of those girls will... We're done. We need to get out of this town before we're found out. "_

 _"_ _She was gorgeous."_

 _"_ _They always are with you... "_

 _"_ _They were Toro kingdom girls... And you know what they say… It's totally true… It is something you can't definitely unsee."_

 _"_ _I'm going to kill you, Dyshiki."_

 _"_ _No, you won't. You and me, we're like twins. I also know you, Amb. You're secretly enjoying yourself. You secretly live your life through me. Your life would be meaningless without me shaking things up from time to time. You will always have my back and I will always have yours. So how do we do this?"_

 _"_ _How do we get out of this mess? Glad you asked. We need to get the jeep back on the road."_

 _He took out his compass in his cargo pants' left pocket._

 _"We need to be in Kibuye... before nightfall… It's a three hour drive top speed. Obviously, now that you screwed an entire village, there's no way we will make it. In time… and alive."_

 _"_ _If dad realized you drove without a license again… or that you took the clinic's jeep. You're so done for, Amb. You're a goner. This time, he's going to send you to Grandad."_

 _"_ _You asked me to drive you here!"_

 _"_ _You don't always have to do what I say. I'm just fourteen. What do I know about life?"_

 _"_ _I swear you're the worst. How old do you think I am? I have my life ahead of me but no I have to babysit you."_

 _"_ _Yes, you want to be president somewhere. I heard that before! "_

 _"_ _I can't spent my time looking after you, Dyshiki."_

 _"_ _Of course not, that's why you will ask dad to let me go with you in South America for the summer so you can keep an eye on me and live your life at the same time. You sure need to get laid. I bet Sesen is getting laid in UK while her boyfriend is being a monk."_

 _"_ _We discussed this. I'm going alone. And no Sesen is not that kind of girl!"_

 _"_ _Yes, you star-crossed lovers had been exchanging romantic letters for three years across the hemisphere like Romeo and Juliet, maybe Hollywood will adapt your love story next. Please ask them to add a combat scene with sharks,and members of the colombian cartels and stuffs just for me. Since you're deeply convinced that in the London Private School her shitty prime minister dad sent her to rot she will wait for you to get your shit together, find the courage to ditch your crazy dad, so you could experiment this big thing called "Sex" together for the first time. How can you be a Fresker and be so dumb and selfless?"_

 _"_ _You're an ass. You can't use the word "selfless" any time you please."_

 _"_ _I'm just realistic. I knew you'd agree."_

 _"_ _I did not agree to anything. You're not coming. Now is not the time to talk about this…"_

 _"_ _You will get bored without me… You always do. You will die of boredom before having touched a girl. That's so lame!"_

 _Then he called him "Monkey butt" in Xhosa language. Dyshiki loved making all type of noise with his mouth. Even when he was speaking seriously, you didn't have to take him seriously._

 _"_ _I will take my chances."_

 _"_ _You think I don't know Sesen is going to join you over there since her school just opened by chance an exchange program in collaboration with the Habitat for Humanity organization."_

 _"_ _Who told you this?"_

 _"_ _Kaanan. He reads all your mails. He has a deal with the postmaster. It's his porn literature. Don't ask. That's weird even for me. Our ten-year-old little brother is the epitome of weirdness… And Maleki heard you on the phone downtown ordering a bank wire from one of dad's account. This kid is what? Five years old? He is already very good with languages…I think our brother will grow up to become a communist spy. No way he will work for that dying nation! And you know what is even more awesome? He already does it for money. Betraying his country and family spying and… And then, he buys a whole lot of candies that he shares with all the kids in town. He is their king over there. They call him Omukama Mal. He is a true Fresker. Capitalizing empathy, feigning equal opportunities, creating an underground liberal economy with most dividend hidden in fiscal paradises to monopolize all wealth all the while being celebrated for your generosity."_

 _"_ _Alright, you're coming with me. Only if Dad agrees!"_

 _"_ _He doesn't care. Doesn't care about much since Mom left. Obviously, he will say yes. We're going to have so much fun! No pesky adult! No curfews! And the girls there…"_

 _"_ _I know they are gorgeous!"_

 _"_ _Yes!"_

 _Dyshiki nodded with the biggest smile._

 _"_ _You think we will meet this guy they call Escobar."_

 _"_ _You're an idiot. He lives in Colombia."_

 _"_ _Let's go there… make some sort of documentary on this."_

 _Ambesa pulled his hair back to tie it in a messy bun._

 _"_ _How did you do it, Amb? The opening of this pseudo educational program… was your idea right? It doesn't really exist? I don't know how you can invent these stuffs."_

 _"_ _I sent a letter to her teacher with an invitation to join free of charge for him if he could gather a total of five volunteers. I signed it with Dad's name. I also sent him a fake insurance form to fill out. Jeje made the form actually. Counterfeiting logo and prints are his specialty."_

 _"_ _How much money did you steal from Dad to do that? I know he's pretty clueless but he's not that clueless. "_

 _"_ _He is that clueless. I sold the bentley four years ago pretending to be Dad. It was a deal behind closed doors. Remember our first Christmas holiday back in the US ? Well, I sold it to a moviemaker. Then I invested everything on the market through Grandad's trader. You know the one who was making out with Grandad's girlfriend. He is a jerk. My stocks took some heat after the petrol crisis… But... It's sorta doing okay now."_

 _"_ _The Bentley Grandad gave to Dad when he was 16? Dad said they stole it. He really has no clue."_

 _"He let me manage the money since Mom left. Who does that? And_ _he wanted to donate that car to a charity event anyway! I needed to make some money for when Sesen and I will be in Guatemala. We could say it went to a charitable goal."_

 _"_ _You're cold, Fresker. Now you're talking. I'm proud of you. I truly believe getting laid is worth getting in all sorts of shenanigans. It's good for the experience. Only then can you appreciate the awesomeness that's a couple of Toro girls getting down on each other! You think you can make some money for me…_

 _"_ _To do what?"_

 _"_ _I may want to buy myself some gentleman experience in South America."_

 _"Forget it."_

 _"Enough to buy a boat! We could buy a boat together! A Very large sailing boat!"_

 _"_ _Forget it"_

 _"_ _We could just travel around. "_

 _"_ _I said forget it. I planned to go to College."_

 _"Dad knows? Does he agree to this? You know how he can be with Western Education System? Capitalism? Uniformisation of spirits!"_

 _" I don't care what he says. This is not the life I want. This is not normal. What's normal is to live in one place at a time with a wife who don't leave you and your four kids to go screw the Pope and every religious figure she could find."_

 _" Mom is not that bad. She is a "toro girl"... kind of girl. Dad is just..."_

 _" Guilt-ridden about the fact he was born filthy rich..."_

 _"Something happened to him to be that way...So did mom! Stop judging Amb! Stop being so harsh with people! Heroes only exist in comics. There are worse things than our clueless parents!_ _You say that now but you will change your mind. You will see it for yourself! One day, we will have a boat. We will live new adventures too, just like today. You will see that what's life is about. Not pushing papers like Grandad! I had a great day. I'm saying this because…"_

 _"_ _Where are you, ka-thing! I'm going to break your neck, Di-wa-mamba! Come out! " Someone shouted behind them._

 _"_ _You take the big one. I take the small one. "_

 _Ambesa looked up, his eyes wide._

 _"_ _You call that having my back? These guys are built like brick walls. They are Toro warriors. They will gut us… and we will feed the lions."_

 _"_ _Well, you're the oldest! I was just saying that to be respectful. But well, in honor of Chuck Norris and John Lennon and all that is holy on earth, like a girl's thighs, I will defend the weak and the innocent, including you. I will take the big one." Dyshiki said rising slowly, assuming a martial arts stance._

 _"_ _Everything is a joke to you…"_

 _Dyshiki shrugged. How could he fake that much confidence! This kid?_

 _"_ _Dyshiki, wait… I will take the big one."_

 _Dyshiki rolled his shoulder._

 _"_ _Kawa-ok big brother! You're the best. I will tell dad that was my idea!"_

 _"_ _But that was your idea!"_

 _Fortunately, Ambesa spotted two large jute bags of chicken feathers lying on the ground. He picked them up quickly and released their content in the air. There were feathers floating everywhere and he took advantage of the confusion to grab his brother's shoulder ._

 _"_ _Change my mind, let's just make a run for it! "_

"Dr Fresker, are you there?"

 _"_ Yes…" Warren blinked. He leaned over the desk and took a sip of coffee. "I'm still there. What about Thanvi? They allowed her to go clean up. I see… That's good… That means they only want to go after the surgeons... That means… The others are safe… if they say nothing. You tell her this… If someone comes to her and ask her questions, give her that number. She will know what to do. Thanks Lillah. Oh yes! Send me the results of the blood testing on Jordan Jenkins as soon as you get them. Thank you. "

He composed another number.

" Hi, Melissa? It's Warren. Nothing is wrong with you. No… You've not been in my office in seven years, Melissa. You're not sick. No, you're fine, dear. Can I speak to your husband? I'm calling from Seattle. It's rather urgent. Morris… It's Warren! I'm fine. I know you're eating something terrible for your diet. (…) It's urgent. I would not intrude otherwise. You know why I am calling right? You released your men in my hospital. How is that fair play? What about a fair warning to Golf buddies? What? You tried to call me? When? My bad… I was otherwise engaged here. Forget it! Morris, don't… The child will recover and that's thanks to him. I know that because I trust him. You know Kyle Yeahquo. I brought him once. Handicap 13. Yes, the man himself. He would never do that. We're talking battery and assault charges on a child! The man is a gigantic child himself. He would never do that. I know you want to kill my institute's reputation. Tell people we do have the best surgeons in the world but they're all violent criminals. You need to release everybody right now. I don't care for Whyatt. I need you to do this for me, Morris. I need you to quiet this down for me. What will you win? The knowledge you did something right is no longer enough, Captain of the APD? Yes, I'm waiting. You're incredible! What will it take this time? No, I'm not trying to bribe you. Don't use big words! Just give a damn number. "

Grabbing a pen and a post-it block, he sat down on the chair. What an intuition it had been because he almost fell off the chair at Morris's suggestion.

"My boat? Are you serious? You want my boat for three weeks?"

He hesitated.

"I'm still here. I know what you just asked me… I can't. Forget I ever asked… No, no, it's just a boat, I understand. Except it's mine... If you want a boat I can get you one. Any other boat in fact… Will that do? Just not my boat. Yes, I'm quite particular about that. No, we're not going to discuss why. Alright, Morris, I thank you for your benevolence." He hung up rather dryly.

As they appeared on the threshold of his office, the door ajar, Richard and Miranda just stopped in their tracks. Miranda was in the middle of a sentence as she was about to tell Richard how his wife was full of dirty tricks for making this guy come from the other side of the country. But she clearly did not have time to utter a word. Richard frowned. Warren raised a hand to stall them a bit. Richard frowned even more at the audacity.

"Oh, he is no competition! He is a dead man!" Miranda mused while Richard took another step in his office.

"Yes! I know! I always save the best for the last… It's late. But if you could hire Miss Whyatt this morning on such short notice, you can make time for me, William. I will not apologize for Yeahquo and it seems to me that he was totally justified in his actions. The kid is alive… With an improvised standstill procedure, an aggressive thermic chemical therapy and a damn good surgeon. That I could control. That I could transform into good publicity. That I can make millions with. I can do that with him winning another battle against cancer. I can't do that while he is sitting in jail. I don't care. She is not me. I told her to stay put. She should have listened to me. She cannot call the police and gather them in my hospital to assault my staff. Do you know how much it's going to cost us in damage control? What do you mean you're no longer paying? What did they promise you? When where you going to tell me you were selling the hospital for parts? That's not the same thing… You know it. I gave you the best surgeons in the country, because you and your people you wanted the more advanced technique there was… and what do you do people? Oh, I am glad you can retire, William. I am ecstatic for you. Send my regards to Beth. Just go and burn all this money... Have fun rotting in Hell! You just said yourself you're not my boss… So please… Get me someone on the line I can deal with and not some joke of a board member! I told you get someone to call me. You chose to go after my surgeons and my staff. You go after me. You question me and my ability to choose people for their skills. I will make things complicated, William. I will make them very difficult providing my contract with you allow me to, I wouldn't take any holiday too soon if I were you. That's not a threat. That's a prediction of the future."

Warren hung the phone brutally, and in a fit of rage, picked up the phone and threw it on the ground. He finally remembered he had an audience. Since a little bit of gloating never hurt anyone, Miranda hit Webber with her elbow.

"Well, that was something! That was really… Wow! That was your phone I think, Dr Webber! Your favorite phone... The one in your office!"

Warren calmly wiped traces of exhaustion on his face.

"I'm sorry, Dr Webber. I needed a phone."

"I can see that!" Richard retorted, passably angry.

Miranda couldn't hide the smile on her face.

"I think I'm going to leave you." She extended her hand politely. " Dr Miranda Bailey, I'm so glad I can finally meet you, Dr Fresker. Safe return!"

She said just before leaving. Warren pushed his hands in his pockets.

" There is something you want to ask me… and it has nothing to do with that phone I broke, right? I will need a new one by the way."

"You got some nerves. I will give you that. You probably wouldn't have survived under Catherine's tutelage without some anyway."

He nodded. That much was true.

"You suppose well, Dr Webber."

"But what are you doing here?"

"I just told you I needed to place some phone calls. The door was open… I let myself in."

Richard picked up his phone on the floor slowly, putting it back on the desk. He was standing inches from Warren.

"But what are you doing here?"

"Your wife invited me."

Richard pulled a chair and repeated on the same monotonous tone.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm between jobs I think. Though it's not official... "

"Do I have to ask again?"

Warren let out a snicker first.

" I can see how you manage to make Catherine wear a white dress. Take special skills to do that."

" Did you try?"

"No. Never. I'm not crazy or suicidal… She's… She is a friend."

"What is it with you and Meredith?"

Warren seemed surprised at the questions for the first time.

" Dr Grey?"

Richard nodded crossing his arms over his chest.

"She is my patient. She became my patient this morning when she saved my life."

Richard nodded again and took a dangerous step closer. Warren pushed his hands in his pockets.

"Back there, you did what I would have done. That's the chief's job."

"Well, that's mostly my job so..."

" We're a family here. We withstand storms of impressive magnitude together. " Richard said with his usual gravity.

"I can see that." Warren replied as he played with the paper knife.

Richard extended his hand to get it back.

"You run one of the best medical facilities in the country, one of the most competitive residency programs, what would you know about family. "

"I don't know anything about that, you're right. All I know is I protect my own. Again, that's the job."

Richard stared into his eyes curiously.

"Thank you, Dr Webber, and again, my apologies for breaking in."

He nodded in Richard's direction before leaving. Richard watched him leave and that's where Catherine finally found him when she came into the room.

"I just saw Warren…"

He shook his head rather absentmindedly.

"He was here…"

Catherine rubbed her sore neck as she took off her heels.

"Oh! Alright! I am exhausted. I think I can fall asleep on your sofa or anywhere even if it's terribly uncomfortable. I don't care. I could probably sleep standing. I installed Jackson upstairs. He had been thrashing around over April. Still couldn't get a hold of her. Don't know what I will do with that boy! Tomorrow is another day, right? The children will be alright."

He nodded.

"What's wrong, honey? Did you two fight? Did Warren say something?"

"No…"

"Then what is it, Dear? Your face is…"

"I can see why you asked him to come. It's a difficult admission to make. He is yours alright. I can also see that."

Catherine smiled gently and circled her husband's neck with loving arms.

"Richard Webber, I love you. You know that."

"Doesn't mean I'm not… jealous."

"I wouldn't want it any other way. But you don't need to be because I only have eyes for you, Chief Webber. I only said yes to you."

He kissed her lips softly.


	24. Midnight Sharing

Thank you **Beth** **, Sara,** **Faith, Jax, Lou, Karen and Jamelia,** and in some measure **Liz ( I'm really trying to be nice here) .** You are doing so much to keep me engaged in this story. You make me want to publish and give you more. It's what makes this fun for me to know people are having a good time with this as much as I'm having writing it. I'm really glad you like Warren and the other OCs.

¤ On this never-ending controversy

I really want to move on from this. I really think this time is the last time I address this controversy about Alex or any other character. I wish I could sing Carly Simon's You're so vain very loud to you reader who probably think this story is about you. You will recognize yourself, you self-centered little reader! Again, to you who thinks this story is about you and what you want... I will start by saying again you don't know me or my plot. It's not because you read three chapters that you will know what I'm actually about since it's clear to me you do not read complete sentences. Oh! It's not true! You read! Then don't assume things about me so I don't assume things about you ! And for god'sake, stop trying to tell me what to do all the while acting like a five-years old ! This controversy I didn't even wish for is ridiculous since every other writer in this fandom is clearly doing what he wants with all the characters he wants and I planned to do just like them. But you, you will recognize yourself again, is distracting me from writing and publishing my story and I wish you'd stop. But you don't have to, you're free to do what you want because I do believe in freedom of speech. I'm French. I'm Charlie. But since I didn't read your comment to the last, I was free to do that or not too... And because I'm normally very polite and grateful, I only wanted people to know why I decided to ignore you. I put Alex in the character slot like I put Meredith or Christina or Maggie... because they were the first names on my character list. They were the big names. I didn't even think about it twice. So I don't care if you felt like it was a story about Alex... and you started reading full of hope and stars in your eyes and got disappointed. It's never too late to close that window. Because It's not a story about Alex. I never said it was. I just needed to put something in the slots. The same way, I didn't put pairing in the character slot either because I don't write ship centered-story. I don't believe in telling the ship before the story is written and completed. Because Shipping is secondary to the story. That's the first thing I think I said in A/N.

So please stop harassing me in order to promote you OTP! I honestly don't care. Don't harrass me in PM about Owelia. Don't ask me for requests. I don't take requests. I don't take orders! Don't harass me for Alex as if you owned him! You're no Shonda Rhymes! I won't listen! I will never give him back. That's my Alex here! And I will write him how I want ! This is not a story to please you. I wrote it for me as a gift to myself. If it makes my readers happy, it's all the more worth it! But If it doesn't, well too bad, but it's all about me and my freedom of speech... and my desire to put this giant plot I had on paper. When I was unsatisfied with the offer of stories out there in the fandom, I took my pen and wrote what I wanted and I didn't complain. I never harassed anybody or went on a war with them about the little things I selfishly want to read. I know better than to do something like that. I have respect for all the writers out there. Last thing, i choose to put this story in the M for Mature section knowing it would attract less attention, and in the hope it will appeal to only some readers, the Mature kind, not the extra extra fangirl variety. So I simply wish you would move on.

And now back to the story for good !

-24-

Midnight Sharing

Vika was doing handstands against the far left wall of the resident room where she had been confined for a couple of hours now. She desperately wanted to stay awake but even with all the blood rushing to her brain, it couldn't suppress her need to yawn. Only a nice shower would do the trick. That's why she couldn't wait to be free. Things had pretty much settled down around here. For half an hour, it had been utter chaos with people screaming and patients running in the hallways to see what the fuss was about. They were all lucky Warren was not here because he'd probably blew up over this. It didn't escape her for instance that they broke the steel-plated double doors of OR 4. Knowing him, he was probably going to hang someone by his feet over this. The door opened to let Myah in.

"I told them all they wanted to know! Why are they keeping me here? They promised that I won't get in trouble. It was his idea! Please let me go! "

That silly stupid resident! Vika slid on the floor to find her balance again and then stood back up. Mya, stepped back from the door, tears streaming down her face, looking every bit as distraught as she was when she was carried out of the OR.

"What do you want?"

"You talked to them. You're an even bigger idiot than I thought."

"I'm not about to lose my residency for you! " Mya shouted back.

"Look around you, silly Twat! No nurses. No anesthesiologist. You know why? Because they can keep their mouth shut… That's why!"

Vika spread her arms in the air in utter exasperation. How one could be this dumb and not fail both med school and the board exams?

"The police is involved! We could go to jail! "

Vika opened the door to reveal that it was now only guarded by the center's security team, members of the night shift. Both she knew by names. Curtis often brought his crosswords to work and always asked her for help. Dennis was absolutely fond of his baby daughter and would spend his day showing pictures of her on his phone.

"They left more than an hour ago, meaning no one is pressing charges, meaning no one is going to jail, you dumb bitch! As if Warren would have let that happen anyway! Come on, now that Kyle Yeahquo is the only surgeon in the world who managed to keep his son from dying, you think Jenkins will send him away. You're such an idiot! "

"You always think you're above everybody!"

Vika shrugged.

"Well, if you say so… That must be true, right?"

"I'm not going to lose my place in this program… "

"So you rather mess up your attending's career, that's brave! And I thought you were fuckable before! Now I'm just sorry to have to look at you. You could have been a dumb but a loyal skank."

" Screw you, Gucic! You're a cheap whore! You think I don't know about all the stunts you pull between shifts! You can't bully me!"

Vika just stepped in her space .

"Say it again."

"You don't intimidate me. "

"I said say it again. Give me that excuse. Make it worthwhile. I spend twelve hours in that room sweating , waiting for your ass to come back with those damn transplants, Kyle had gone off his meds for a few minutes, and we almost killed that kid, because you were late, and now I'm damn hungry and tired because of you silly stupid bitch! So, just say it again! "

The door opened again and a gush of cold air came rushing in.

"Gucic, it's your turn. They want to see you. "A security guard yelled at her.

Vika stared hard at Mya but followed Curtis to the conference room anyway. The room was dimly-lit and four people were sitting on the other side of the large table. She recognized them easily enough. Whyatt was still wearing that impossibly tight skirt but somewhere probably between kissing asses and wrecking havoc she ditched the jacket she had this morning. Sitting next to her, on the far left, was William Gladstone, he was one of the founder of the medical center. In the middle with Whyatt, she recognized Dr Pietrus Zieger. Before he retired fifteen years ago, he had been a well-known psychiatrist. But even more known than his practice, was the fact he was a world-class pretentious hypocritical asshole with megalomaniac tendency. On the far right sat Bella Vieira, the second wife of the late Beckett Martin-Strauss, Patriarch of the Strauss Family, the second founder of the clinic. Vika pulled a chair and sat down.

"Do you understand the gravity of the situation?" Liz Whyatt asked.

"Is someone dead?" She feigned horror.

"Dr Gucic..."

"No, in fact, nobody died. Thank God for that! " Vika said, her hand holding her chest.

"You and Dr Yeahquo went against the board's orders."

"I don't know anything about that."

"Was it Dr Fresker who assigned you to this surgery and left you 'special' instructions?"

"I don't know anything about that."

"So it's under Dr Yeahquo's orders?"

"I certainly don't know anything about that." She said in the same monotonous tone.

"You know you will be expelled for this insubordination."

"You think?"

"Yes, it is a very serious offense."

"If that's such a strong possibility… I have to think… Well, I was accepted to Plainsboro, Georgetown, John Hopkins and dozens of other programs in the country. I'm quite flexible."

"You will not be for long. And after what happened today, I don't think they will want you?"

"And just what happened today, Madam? I have no recollection whatsoever?"

"No residency programs in this country will open their doors to you after that."

"So sad… But there's a plan B: Costa Rica. Mom said to always have a plan B. I love Costa Rica. Lots of sun and the beaches are absolutely magnificent. It's like Eden there…"

"I'm surprised you didn't mention going back to your country?"

"Which is… the land of the bitches?"

"I heard about you being born in Sarajevo. How would you like a trip there? My treat!"

" What an excellent idea! They have such a good program there too, and what about the meal plan… As a naturalized US Citizen, I can say a good meal plan is just so important. Over there, I heard it's pretty awesome! But I like the sun and the tropical flowers better. I mean you will agree with me that Costa Rica is in its own league! I have a few black bikinis that fit just right on the hips… even though I do look like a roasted shrimp in the sun. But what are umbrellas for, huh? "

"You're not going to start talking?" Pietrus Zieger said.

"But I thought we were having this deep meaningful conversation about my future, Sir."

"You're just as crazy as Yeahquo." Liz Whyatt said.

"I don't know what you're talking about. "

"You're just as destructive."

"Though I can see a pattern there. I totally denied all these allegations. I am innocent of all charges against me, your honor. I didn't kill my wife. We had consensual sex. Do I have to say it? She like it rough! Oh sorry that was an episode of the Good Wife! I'm a fan!"

"Just let them all… go, Whyatt."

"But… Sir… She knows. They did it. It was organized. He went against us…"

"Yes, but she won't talk about it. And we can't hold them prisoner forever."

"He is the smart one. You should listen to him."

"Out of my sight, Gucic!" The man in the middle shouted.

She waved them a candid goodbye and did as she was told.

"You should fire her." Liz said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"On what ground?"Pietrus asked, annoyed.

"Insubordination… insolence… Her looks… Her smugness… I don't know. I don't like her. She is his accomplice. She is trouble."

"She is a third year resident and can't be held accountable except if the patient had died and even then we have to prove she did something wrong. "

"I have it on file. She punched an attending."

"She also threatened sexual harassment charges against him. She has proofs. "

"She sleeps around with half the hospital. Who would believe her?"

" We can't deal with a sexual harassment law suit whatsoever. It's always our loss." William intervened.

" I don't understand you here."

"She is excellent. That's why he chose her." Pietrus groaned.

"But if you want him out, I'm with Liz, she is our best bet. Just not this way..."

"I don't think so. She won't talk, William… She was not even a little bit intimidated. That's the kind he likes… "

"But it doesn't really matter that she gets scared. We can keep Yeahquo and pin this on her."

"He was not very talkative either. We only have Chapman's words."

"And the chief nurse?"

"She said nothing. Asked to go home as per her union rights. She is the leader of the union. If we touch her the nurses will go on strike for weeks. "

"Yes, he is a real good chess player you have to give him that. To gather this people together… "

"And why on earth, would you want such a man as an enemy? I will never understand. "

"Mrs Vieira… "

"You want to betray the foundations on which this medical center was built by my late husband to turn this into a profitable cash cow. You know Warren will never let you do that."

"We are changing our orientation for the good of many. We're only trying to ensure the future of our staff."

" So no research… No advanced techniques… A place where surgeons are like factory workers."

" There will be advanced techniques… at a price. What's wrong with that?"

"You're okay with that, William? Oh I'm sorry, are you already on a plane far from here?"

"Listen, Bella, sometimes we have to make choices."

"Yes and sometimes there are such things as bad choices. This kid is alive. It was an incredible bet we get that. An expensive one… But I saw his chart. He is a miracle. Instead of praying this miracle, posting this miracle everywhere, inspiring others to do the same, become examples, we're searching for a scapegoat. You're all idiots and you don't understand a thing about medicine. I will be thrilled to watch him nailed all of you to the wall. When my husband hired him, he gave him full powers on ethical orientation and staff management. He did it because he trusted him. Now, I was not surprised that his children, that bunch of lazy greedy leeches, sold their shares and their father's legacy to you as soon as Beckett closed his eyes. But William, you built this with him. What is the matter with you? I'm going home."

"Bella…"

"You won't have my vote on this anyway."

Bella Vieira slammed the door on her way out.

"She is on his side."

"She will cave. Anyway she doesn't matter right now."

Meredith was sitting by the windows staring at the parking lot below as cars came and go in the darkness. Maggie dropped by her room earlier to give Meredith her phone back. Then a curious negotiation took place, Maggie wanted to help anyway she could. So, she suggested she brought the kids home to Casa Grey with her so they could have a good night sleep in their own bed and she promised she'd take Zola to school tomorrow. Meredith felt bad asking so much from her. But if there was something Mrs Pierce was also good at was negotiating a deal. So, it was not like Meredith had a choice. In fact, it sounded like a terribly good idea. Meredith realized how much she came to trust Maggie in the past few months. She also forgot how good it felt not to do all this alone.

So when Maggie called her to tell her that they arrived safely and that Arizona had prepared a salad for them, Meredith knew she made the right choice. Maggie even had Zola wished her goodnight. Meredith really appreciated all her efforts and honestly did not believe she deserved this much kindness. It was not like she had been acting particularly sisterly toward Maggie since her sister came into her life. It is indeed a situation Derek would love to point out... And she decided she was not going this way anytime soon. There was no thinking of Derek tonight.

She turned to look at Debra Pollard lying in the bed, fighting for her life, thinking it could have been her. Not that she felt she was like Debra, she was even ashamed of saying it. Debra took her car and fought to keep her children alive despite having been shot five times. She was a true mother and an amazing one. Meredith well she was just getting by, day to day. She was no superhero and she really needed to do better. She couldn't drop that weight of sadness on her babies. They suffered enough. Maybe she needed to be more like Debra… She needed to revise her priorities and that was all. There was no thinking of Derek Shepherd ever again. She closed the door behind her and heard quiet footsteps in the hallway behind her. Warren was walking toward her with his hands in his pockets. He paused as he noticed her and then stopped in front of her.

"Do you need to be tied down to your bed for you to stay there, Dr Grey?"

She took a step back from the entrance of room 11-35.

" Well, I don't think it would be very appropriate for you to do the tying, Dr Fresker."

He started to laugh in earnest. It startled Meredith for a second. To think that such an honest sound could come out of the man.

"You're probably right. Let's not tempt fate! You could have gone home. I wouldn't put it past you to sneak out of the place?"

They started walking.

"Well, sometimes I feel like I live here."

He pushed the doors of the stairway for her.

"Is that why you're so protective of your parking lot?"

Meredith laughed at his attempt at a joke. He crossed his arms and leaned on the doorway as Meredith lingered on the first steps of the stairs.

"Maybe! I have my name on the front door after all… Well, it's more my sister Lexie's name than mine since it's a memorial and all but… Anyway… You got the idea… And you, you're not going home or back to a luxurious hotel room with plush pillows and champagne?"

"Who's flirting with whom now?"

She smiled mischievously.

"I'm just asking."

"No, I feel better here. It's easier to stay awake. I still have a lot of work to do."

"The smell and the noise… remind us of our resident years...of who we were then."

He nodded and let go of the door to follow the blonde down the stairs. When he saw her, coming out of the Pollard room, he had hesitated slightly. He even thought of turning back. If he told someone he had planned and was still planning very seriously to keep his distance from her from now on, they probably laughed in his face at his apparent lack of resolve.

"Yes."

"So your emergency? Did it go well?"

He sighed.

"Not really."

Meredith laughed. He stopped, his hand on the 6th floor door.

"My infortunes make you laugh, Dr Grey."

She leaned on the wall.

"You're tough. In fact I think your infortune allow someone to breathe a sigh of relief out there. I have respect for that."She said candidly.

"Not for long. The breathing. Not when I'm in this kind of mood."

"See. I just… I trust in your abilities."

"I thought I was a bad doctor."

"Did I really say that?"

Again, she was playing tricks on him with that smile. He pushed the door again more forcefully this time. She followed him obediently.

"Yes and you insisted also on the fact I was very cold… and you call me Mc… something. "

"McFrosty… It fits you well enough."

"What does it mean?"

"You know the kind of gibberish people say when they got a concussion."

"Oh you won't tell me what it means? So it means something."

"It doesn't really mean anything. I just told you. When I think about it, I don't really know anything about you."

"Isn't it more exciting that way?"

"But I feel at a disadvantage here. I poured my soul to you earlier."

"Was it your soul, Dr Grey?"

"You're not funny."

"I'm not funny. I'm terribly unfunny."

They stopped in front of her room and stared at each other since sometimes silence do speaks better than words.

" It's the job I do. It's only for unfunny people."

She didn't know why. Was it the way he said it? She suddenly felt like reaching for him and establish some kind of physical contact right now. This was getting ridiculous.

"Are you working for the president?"

"Oh funny you would ask! No. But I had one ex-president as my patient. I like my president old, and not necessarily in office, unlike your husband."

She stepped into the room, waited until he understood her invitation to close the door behind him.

"What do you know about my husband?"

"We were… acquainted decades ago. We had a friend in common, Mark Sloane. Derek was already a very gifted…renowned neurologist. He had a practice in New York with privileges in Presbyterian where I work… I was the general surgeon attending there also doing a fellowship with Mark. Your husband was so talented back then... He was also… very opinionated... bordering on self-righteousness… To be honest, he was an arrogant prick much more skilled than me I admit. I'm sorry for your loss."

She couldn't help the laugh that escaped her throat.

"You are something else? And I thought Catherine was a piece of work."

"Trust me. She is."

"What's your specialty?"

"Same as yours?"

"Meaning?"

"General,ENT, Urology."

"Wow!"

"I'm very old."

"You're not."

"You're too kind."

"You're mocking me."

"I am."

"I think it's sexy. You're very arrogant just like Derek was. "

"You think?"

" How did you put it earlier? He was an arrogant prick and... I loved him for it… And I googled you earlier…Sorry!"

" Oh! So...You were just toying with me. How cruel!"

"I was. Just a little bit. There's a picture of you, my husband, Mark, Addison, his first wife, another blonde woman… And Amelia on a very large sailing boat. I presumed that's the boat."

"It is."

"Very nice indeed."

"Thanks…"

"Can you caption the photo for me?"

She showed him her phone.

"2003. We went sailing. There was a lot of wind that day. The end."

She sat down on the bed with an amused smile. He took a few steps forward and sat on the other side of the bed. But he remained quiet.

"You want to invite me for a drink after this is over, don't you?" Meredith said.

"That would be insensitive of me. Considering what just happened, what you told me…the fact I knew your husband… Considering your well-being as your doctor, it would be…"

"Insensitive… and you're not."

"I admit I can be." He said very slowly.

"So…"

"It would be rather inappropriate, Meredith."

" You know how to let a girl down easy. Too bad. I would have liked a drink."

He pushed away a strand of hair on her neck. Meredith looked at him in confusion.

"I never said I wouldn't get you that drink anyway. I just said that it will be quite inappropriate when I do so."

She let out a nervous chuckle, staring at the ground. She did reached for that one. What was she doing?

"I don't know what I'm doing right now."

"I don't know either, Meredith. What are you doing? " He whispered.


	25. The dangerous path to intimacy

Disclaimer: Not mine, I get it. Do you?

A/N: A quick update, no kidding I have to go to a funeral this afternoon of a distant cousin. Sad but well, it's part of life. So well, I'm in a hurry but this needed to be published today at all cost. Don't ask me why! lol Thank you guys for all your comments and for sending my Ocs, Warren, some much needed love in your reviews!

-25-

The dangerous path to intimacy

Surgeons don't do so well with solitude. It is a known fact. That's why they are so many people in an OR at a time, most of them just observing and doing nothing useful, mind you. But these are like our "TSA rules", you just couldn't leave them alone. Cause surgeons, it's written somewhere, they need the company. On the other hand, Surgeons are as deeply afraid of intimacy as any other human beings. It's almost like what Kryptonite does to Superman. Really it is a painful thing to avoid. And thankfully they taught you in med school how to demonstrate empathy maintaining that all salvaging distance to your patient. For a while, it's like your crutch, your cape, the thing that allows you to hide, and you use it in almost every situation including outside of work. And you're very successful at it… And the more you grew up and the more you believe you got better at this game and you can fool people into thinking they know you and that you always care, that you're always engaged the same way. But then something happened when you meet that person, that special person… That person that comes crashing into your life without warning…. You can have a few of them of course but you just need the one… The one who can easily break down your walls and defenses, and make you believe all this crap about love you read about as a child. Well, that person is a criminal, for sure. He/She is a thief, a monster, a Typhoon, a storm, a cruel beast, as He/She ravages and destroys everything in your heart with a cheap promise of love and acceptance. In other words he ruins you for the rest of us. If… When you yield… When that happened, there is no turning back, it is a contagion, your naked flesh remains always in that same state of constant rawness. And it's this wound that never closes up... And you can no longer build all these walls back… You no longer have any idea how… And you no longer know peace… You always feel a danger coming… What if you lose yourself again? You never feel safe anyway… as it becomes all the more clear that your aging soul can no longer function without this, the intimacy of love.

There is something strange about waking up someplace you're not supposed to. Before your brain was even completely flooded with awareness, you were in disbelief at your own stupidity. How come you let this happen to you? How come you lacked the control? How come? Cristina opened her eye lazily, feeling very much like the King's fool. The draped curtains filtered the sun heavily and the room was plunged in semi-darkness. She got out of bed slowly as she felt sore in all places that were supposed to feel good usually. She'd official been fucked into oblivion. She started to walk like a granny to a table closer to the window balcony where a continental breakfast was seemingly waiting for her. Croissants, baguette, coffee , milk and jam. It looked untouched and therefore delicious. She filled a cup of coffee. An elegantly drawn white card was placed in between a bouquet of white tulips. She sipped on the coffee slowly as she picked up the card. It was just blank. There was nothing written on it. Nothing at all. Cristina dropped the porcelain cup on the table clumsily and looked at the clock. It was half past ten. She wanted to die. She wanted to kill something.

Cristina picked up her clothes quickly and dressed up in a hurry. She was out that door before the remaining of her coffee grew cold. When she pulled her car in the institute parking lot, there was already a large truck parked in front of the stairs. She picked up her hair and tied it in a messy ponytail all the while running up the stairs two by two.

A dozen movers were in great maneuver to empty the truck. She paused on top for a closer look. She watched as they carried file boxes, computer screens, chairs, various medical devices inside the institute . Cristina hastened her pace, her heart beating, already knowing that a disaster was in the making, and knowing she caused herself all this pain again. She arrived in her office breathless.

She made a mistake. She'd been weak. She picked up a phone but couldn't wait as it rang in thin air. What was she doing? She needed her. Why wouldn't she pick up her phone? Then she was reminded of the time difference as she looked up at the two clocks on her wall aligned on Seattle and Zurich's time. She hung up and run in her private bathroom.

She was standing half-naked wrapped in a towel, hair dripping on the floor, looming over her computer when Shane knocked on the door. He didn't wait for her and just came in. As a result, he almost knocked his forehead on the door in his sudden hurry to leave.

"Close the door behind you, idiot."

"I thought I saw you come out of Elevator West. I was not completely sure. You never take this one. But I so wanted to thank you for this opportunity you gave me..."

Oh! It was true she hated Elevator West since it always smells of eggs, vinegar and deodorant there. Don't ask! She had no idea why? She had been in such a hurry earlier and it was the safest and quickest route to her office. So for once, she did suck it up.

"What?" Cristina frowned in confusion.

"You know… You talked to Dr Allenbach for me. That's so nice, Cristina. I honestly never thought you would…"

She picked up a phone again.

"I didn't... And... What?!"

 _Oh Goddamn Meredith Grey! You better answer that phone!_

No answer. She looked at Shane angrily.

"That's his moving truck downstairs, right?" She groaned.

That brainy asshole tricked her!

"Yes, you… He said it was your suggestion and he had your consent."

She glared in his direction. How could he be so dumb!

"I knew it ! He didn't exactly had your consent,right?. But Dr Dupont was over the moon over this. I heard they closed the deal this morning. He was so glad Dr Allenbach could move in so fast. He asked for you! He wanted to invite you for lunch."

"What?"

"Don't worry I covered for you."

"But what? That little… Sneaky treacherous bastard! We were still negotiating!"

"Dr Yang?!"

"He tricked me into getting three orgasms. And now I'm late… And now he is already everywhere in my place of work ! And that was not fair! I was not prepared to fight…yet!"

"Dr Yang?"

She tilted her head frantically.

"Oh! If someone asked you… where I was…"

Haven't she heard him earlier? Shane frowned.

"Like I told you… Everything was taken care of between me and the pack. Though, Erwan is all in his feelings right now. He believed you broke his heart on purpose. He doesn't know he never stood a chance, poor guy! If you could have seen his face, it was priceless! I could kiss the ground you walk on, right now!" Shane snickered.

"That's it! You're brilliant Shane!" Cristina replied. "You're brilliant and I'm being an idiot! I'm pathetic ! Oh my God, it's starting! I've reached my full potential and I'm already regressing. My best years are behind me! I'm done."

Only Cristina Yang could say something so ridiculously dramatic and still looked like a rightfully righteous Tom Hanks in Saving Private Ryan.

"Cristina?"

"I just…He did this… I could not think… He is so gorgeous and smart… Even in the way he makes love…" She said wistfully.

"Dr Yang?"

"Why is she not answering a phone? She is a mother of three kids. Why is she not answering her damn phone? What is taking her so long that it takes days to be accomplished?"

"So, Dr Grey met someone?"

"Of course not idiot! She is mourning her husband! She is probably sipping on that tequila bottle. " Cristina said dryly. She paused, her thoughts briefly clouded by worry. That couldn't be it! That was silly, tiddling the bottle was definitely not Mer's type. Cristina sighed in frustration as something else dawned on her at the worst possible time.

"That means I can't call Derek's phone to get through to her because well… he is dead! Really dead! And I'm in deep trouble here! You're not helping! She is not helping ! He is certainly not helping! He is dead!"

Oh no! She felt the tears coming! Oh God! Anyone! Help! She grabbed the back of her chair hard. Shane's eyes opened wide as he anticipated the worst. He searched for a box of handkerchiefs.

"Dr Yang?! Calm down!"

Cristina struggled to breath.

"I'm calm. I'm alright. I can do this… There's no need to panic. I can..."

"You did the walk of shame this morning, didn't you?"

She blanched even more before grimacing in disgust.

"I fell asleep and he left a blank note. I was late! He didn't ever bother waking me up… He didn't even bother writing a note with complete sentences… or with words! It's like he already won. Since…I'm here listening to my vagina's whining! I fell asleep. I just fell asleep and what's wrong with me? Only two men had ever managed this great deed… I married one and almost married the other…. I just don't fall asleep! Oh! No offense Shane! "

Shane shrugged as he started picking up her scattered clothes on the floor. Cristina opened her locker. She changed into her scrubs quickly.

"None taken."

"I'm doomed. Meredith, she won't pick up her phone. That's because she knows I'm a mess. She hates my weaknesses!"

"She's probably just sleeping, Dr Yang."

Cristina let herself fall in her chair.

"I did the walk of Shame, Shane."

This was an emergency. Shane decided. So, he searched in the golden box of Yang's godly "pep talk" notes that was sitting on her desk. He had to find a good quote. Oh ! This was a nice one!

" This one… _How about we get dressed, Dr Yang, we grabbed some coffee, we go cut something, and we lower our level of girlish hormones in one go_?" He read aloud.

She looked up at him, curiously.

"You think? Coffee would be nice. A nice surgery would be even better. "

"Guess what? We may have another aortic repair for you in Room 854? I was on my way to a consult when I spotted you. I'm feeling this!"

"Oh Shane, I don't deserve it. " She said coyly.

"Yes, you do, Dr Yang. You do."

After all, she did secure her job for him knowingly or not with one of the greatest minds of all time. Shane nodded with a grin. He knew it was wrong to be happy when his mentor's misfortune was so tied to his own happiness but well life was good! He was gonna work with Dr Joseph Simon Allenbach, the one and only ! And he could twerk on a table right now from pure joy! Life was just perfect! Though, his smile faded into something more circumstantial. Shane knew better to tell her about his happiness right now. Not when her orgasms were so far and few behind.

" I know I was just trying to be humble."

She frowned in deep concentration.

"I need to up my game here… because Alexander The Great won't leave me a chance. He is good. He is really good. But I'm better… It's probably a good thing you're going to work for him. I bet he thinks you will spy on me for him. Tough luck, dumbass!"

"Why? What?"

"Because you're already my minion… You're mine."

She snickered.

"Huh?"

"I just want to know how close he is to a breakthrough. You will keep an eye on him. Yes, he is feisty. I will give him that. But I will control him at a distance. While he thinks you're spying for him, we're gonna double-cross him. When he thinks I'm being weak, I will show people who's in charge!"

It was scary the thing she did with her eyes right now. Shane took a step back and raised his hands timidly.

"We will? I thought we wanted him to succeed so his mechanical hearts could save millions of people."

Cristina shrugged with a snarky laugh.

"Right…Of course… Of course you're an idiot! He can succeed… after I win a Nobel so I can keep my position on top of the food chain around here and he gets what he deserved for doing this to me and for ever doubting I was better than him. Oh! I feel way better. Now let's go cut something!"

Shane was trying so hard to make sense of all this. He finally nodded with a shrug. It was probably better not to think too much of this.

After a quick shower, Vika was back in her urban clothes and feeling a tiny bit more rejuvenated. Hair still wet from her shower, she went out in the chill. After taking the time to straighten her leather jacket and her hoodie, she looked at her watch. It was closer to four in the morning. She was positively hungry. A few hysterical shrieks in the distance caught her attention. Mya was having a little fit over her brief arrest. Leaning against his Lamborghini Aventador, Kyle Yeahquo was listening to her numerous complaints without a word. Vika tilted her head. Well, he looked entirely bored. And she suspected it was more like he was pretending to listen with that boyish look of his.

"You ignored me all day and they were talking about expelling me from the program. I couldn't let that happen. I had to speak up. But you brought this on yourself. I didn't want to do it! I told you! It was so… That was too risky. "

"Okay." He acknowledged.

Vika brought a cigarette to her lips and pulled out her lighter from the pocket of her jacket. Only thing was missing from this scene was some popcorn for her. But this would do.

"Can you imagine how scared I was? I just… I was so scared. What if they caught me with the transplant? What if they had pressed charges?"

Mya got closer to him, holding his shoulders in her tight possessive grip. Vika noticed he kept his hands stuck in his pockets, all Casablanca-like.

"If I forgive you, will you forgive me?"

"Do I have a choice?" He simply said as she caressed softly his ears.

"I just… I… just wished today never happened."

Stupid silly girl! Vika walked toward them nonchalantly. Let's just bring some action to this sequence! She thought.

"So… Let me get this straight, little skank said she is sorry for giving you up. You, you're too tired to argue with her silly logic so you agree to drop this. But I wonder if you do make it hard for her to get absolution, what is she really prepared to do to make up for the world of crap she put you through today?"

Kyle tilted his head in her directions and smiled. She did have a point. Mya took a step back.

"You're going to let her talk to me like that even outside of the hospital?"

Kyle looked at Mya again his eyes neutral. He sighed.

"You're an asshole." Mya said as she turned to leave. They both watched her drive away in her Pontiac.

"You could have said something nice to Slutty Pie here. "

He looked at her with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"We could have shared. That was your idea, right?" Vika continued.

That made him smile.

"We can still go. You know what they say. Only Two can tango."

" Nah, she is a skank but I was all about that ass. Did you see her poor jeans? They were asking for help. Mine."

He could not help but laugh.

"Do you want me to drop you somewhere? "

She shook her head, pointing at her bike, a Kawazaki Ninja Midnight blue. She let out a cloud of smoke in the dark.

"Good night then, Vika."

He slid behind his wheels and started the engine.

"You were great today." He told her.

"I know. " She said smugly. "You were not too bad yourself."

"I know."

Kyle waved her goodbye and drove away.

"I don't know what I'm doing."

Meredith let out a deep breath. She was honest. She was. She had no idea what they were doing right now. Was he really going to ask her out? Would she go ou( with him? Could she? She had no idea what all this meant. She looked in his eyes.

"I don't know either, Meredith. What are you doing? " He whispered.

Then, she followed his hand on the mattress as he shifted position… His forearms. It looked quite strong like big anchors. Of course, he carried her easily this morning in these arms of his... And he grabbed her and held her when she cried. Meredith took another sharp intake of breath. She looked up into his eyes. They were a mottled green, something reminiscent of a dangerous deep lake in Germany she went swimming once with Sadie. He was staring at her in all simplicity however. She grabbed at her own hair, then at her own neck. This was… Meredith let out a soft chuckle. That was definitely awkward but well for what it was worth she was currently enjoying the stream of very inappropriate thoughts in her head. It seemed to her that he was too. Then Alex appeared behind the glass door and the peace and quiet was gone in a minute. He pushed the door open violently and she unconsciously slid farther to the edge of the bed.

"Alex!"

Alex lunged at her and grabbed the bed frame for support.

"You crazy bitch! You did it again!"

Warren immediately stood up, his hands back in his pockets. Alex seemed to notice him for the first time and greeted him curtly. He hadn't meant to do a scene.

"Alex! Dr Karev…This is Dr Fresker…" Meredith started.

"We've met earlier today, Meredith." Warren said one hand on her shoulder gently stopping her.

She nodded.

"Oh right, it's all good then!"

Alex nodded, his brows furrowed.

"I think I will leave you two alone."

"Thanks…" Alex groaned.

He hesitated a bit. Meredith nodded telling him it was okay. She waved him a distant goodbye. Alex watched in confusion as the other man left.

"So what is this?"

"Why is everybody is asking me that? Can't I have a conversation with a man without dating him or helping him cheat on his hypothetical wife?"

Alex just sat down and shook his head in disbelief. She gotta be kidding him !

"Well…If it's true I do not have the best track record with that. I lost the love of my life so cut me some slacks." She said half amused.

"Is that why you did this?"

"I did what?"

"Meredith? It'me. Alex. You're back at it again trying to find innovative ways to kill yourself and die on me! You want to die on me!"

"Alex…"

"I won't take this…As if I would believe all the pseudo bullshit about saving people…That's just self-inflicted pain. Should I call Cristina?"

Meredith crossed her arms on her chest.

"Alex..."

He gave her a pointed angry look.

"Should I?"

"Not yet… I'm sorry, Alex. You have to understand… "

" I can't be losing you too, Mer. While Cristina is your person… and I am your person. Who would be ours?"

She could not say anything to that. She hadn't realized what it could do to her people.

"Meredith… Say something."

"I went to see the kids. Earlier tonight… As she saw my bandages, Zola asked me what happened to me… She was worried. I could see myself in her eyes. When I was scared for my mother… I was incapable of telling her. I lied to her. I am my mother, Alex."

"You're not your mother. I'm not my father. We already agreed on these, years ago."

Meredith and Alex nodded.

"I'm not invincible, Alex." She tried to warn him thought.

"Then don't be… Be Meredith. Be Dark as you want. Twisted as you want. But don't go where I can't find you… where I can't be with you… where I can't reach you… That's all."

"That's the New deal?"

"Yes… That's the New Deal. I was worried out of my mind. It's just the two of us now. No Georges, no Izzie, no Cristina, no Derek, it's just us. We are on our own."

"Indeed, we are. You're right… Cristina wouldn't want me to tell you this. She said it's not good for your ego."

"Fuck off…"

He smiled. Meredith laughed.

"Thanks, Alex. And you? What's up with you?"

"What me?"

"You're hurting. More than usual. I can see it in your eyes. You're conflicted about something."

"I got into a fight with Jo. I always get into a fight with Jo. So I'm fine... I'm used to it."

"She loves you, Alex."

"I know!"

"But she's a baby. She is not a grown-up. We're barely grown… ourselves. So, you have to be patient with her because she doesn't get it, not like you and I get it. You have to understand that too."

"I know but I thought she would with her stupid crappy childhood and all… I thought she'd understand how reluctant I was about this nightmare of a house. I'm just fed up with all this crap, Mer. I worked my ass off to get out of there!"

"I know that."

"It was not easy."

"I know."

"It was hell."

"I know. How is Amber?"

"Third year college student. She wants to be a teacher. She is in Spain for the semester. We're talking to each other through checks and bank wirings. I can't give her much more than that."

"You're sending her through college, are you not?"

"Does that make me less of an asshole for abandoning her?"

"Alex, you're doing the best you can. Not many people can say the same. Did you ever tell her?"

He shook his head. Did he tell her some truth about himself? Yes. He told her a lot of stuff. Did he tell her the whole truth? Not exactly.

"You need to tell her."

Alex sighed heavily from sadness and a bit of regrets to be honest.

"I told Maggie. I don't even know why. You were gone! I got pissed drunk! I talked to her! She … She was like a proxy or something… Now she thinks she knows me."

"Is that such a bad thing, Alex? She is quite intuitive this one. She is my sister I can't deny. Right now, she is home with my children and I cannot thank her enough. I think it's good that someone aside from me and Cristina get to know the real you. We need people, Alex."

"Who are you?"

"I know… I know… It pained me to say but it's something Derek would have said. Before, I couldn't really understand this… He was such a jerk about extending family. But he was always right on that particular topic. He always got it right."

"Mer…"

"I miss him Alex. It's like I'm falling in a big hole and I can't see the ground beneath. I keep on falling… Occasionally, I froze in the air, suspended... But most of the time, I'm falling and... He is not here to catch me. There's no stopping this… I'm so angry all the time because this is not really his doing… This is mine. I jumped. I believed in all this. I got comfortable. I was not prepared. I should have known better. I should have been prepared. Now I'm falling!"

"Mer… I will catch you, okay!" Alex said, stroking her back in circle. "You will get through this. You're not alone. We're not alone!"

She nodded.

"We need people and I know you love Jo, Alex. You wanted to marry her. You probably still want to marry her. I get why you don't want to show her the worst part of you. But give her some credit; I'm not sure she would run. I did not run. Cristina, Lexie… Maggie… Not one of my twisted sisters ran on you. Why would she? Tomorrow is another day."

"Another crappy day…"

"Crappy days are our favorite, Alex. We can hold onto each other. Watch the rain fall. Grow supremely old together. Actually I had planned to do that with Cristina, as we both watch you screw a few hos… but well you got better. You got wiser. You found someone. So, let's not screw this up!"

"You're depressing even when you try not to be. "

Meredith laughed.

" Thanks, Sunshine. You, you're in love with Jo. That's not twisted. That's pure. You're pure like Bambi. My sister is rubbing on you. I like that."

"Well, your sister is alright and she's quite twisted too. She is just really good at hiding it."

"Yes, I think there is more to her too. " Meredith agreed as she leaned on the pillow and Alex followed her on his side of bed, his back to the bed frame.

"I did want to marry Jo, Mer. But I don't know anything anymore. Just like you, I don't have the best track record with that."

"Don't think about Izzie… Don't let her in your head anymore. There's water under that bridge. You're just better off without her. We all are…"

"Am I? Am I better off without her?"

"Am I better off without him? Obviously no… But we have to…and you will. For what it's worth, I do think you're doing fine without her. "

"Pftt…We're just so…damaged, Mer. "

Meredith nodded and leaned on his shoulder. She could not argue with him on that. They were gonna be fine. They had too.

He drove safely. He knew he had to as half blinded by glare of headlights, exhaustion threatened to overwhelm him at each crossroads. He soon left the city streets for the highways and then the open country road where the traffic was almost nonexistent. So, he allowed the Lamborghini to go just a bit faster. He vaguely noticed a biker following close behind but he didn't pay too much attention to it. He stepped on the accelerator again. He skid on the bridge slightly so he slowed down quite a bit climbing a slight hill. The Lamborghini roared in protest of his trivial use of the manual transmission. He looked in his rearview again and again he noted the biker. As he entered his neighborhood, he stopped in front of the red lights abruptly. The biker aligned with him, putting his foot down. They both waited obediently the moment the lights will go green. He was searching his smartphone when it did. So he was surprised when the biker remained next to him, his feet taping the floor. He opened the glove box so that the gun he hid there could be in plain view and easily accessible. It was not that he was the trigger happy type. But he just liked to be safe sometimes. It took him seven more minutes to reach his street and he opened his gate at a reasonable distance. Seeing the bike make the curb along the paved alleyways behind him to stop in front of the porch, he relaxed slightly as he recognized the blue Kawasaki. He cut the engine and got down. Vika Gucic took off her helmet, her hair a wet mess flowing freely on her neck.

He leaned on the sports car again. He had to admit he was surprised to see her there. Vika took a moment to take in her surroundings. The house stood in semi-darkness with only a few background lights to frame its edges. It was large and slightly intimidating. On one side, it had a colonial feel with brownstones and balconies worth of the set of "Gone with the wind", and on the other side, there was definitely a Cheasapeake bay farm architecture influence there. It also looked slightly haunted. The paintwork on the trim was a flawless white just like the columns. The garden seemed well-kept. She turned to catch him staring at her.

She could read easily the question in his eyes.

"I just wanted to make sure you didn't kill anybody on your way home." She lied.

It was not really true. She had been simply curious to discover that part of him. She just couldn't cure her curiosity easily. But she also just wasn't ready to admit this much aloud. Was it the river she heard?

"Thanks. But I thought you didn't care…"

He reminded her as he abandoned his car in the middle of the driveway. She was still staring at the house with fascination. He noted that if she did look at it carefully, she was neither impressed, nor disappointed. She stood there with her eyes neutral and she spoke with the same irony tainting her every words. Could it be she came from her house of Money?

"I don't. But they might pin this on me or Warren, I can't let that happen either. I will go now."

"You called him Warren. Again."

"I did, Kyle."

He nodded. She liked to play games he knew but he was not really in the mood to indulge her.

"Okay, drive safely."

She nodded but instead she took her keys off the ignition and got down the bike. Ivy grew through the crevices of the brownstone. The large windows looked haunted with their white curtains. She grinned. It looked homey and all. She didn't peg him for the kind.

"So this is your house?"

"Yes, it's my house."

"It's big and impressive. You have a pool?"

" Yes."

"How many cars can you park in there?"

"Six."

"Is it full?"

"Yes."

"It's waterfront, I suppose."

" Yes."

"South River?"

Well, as a matter of fact, yes. Kyle nodded and opened the door for her.

"I'm not coming home with you." She said as she pushed past him.

He followed her inside and turned on the lights.

She was staring at the grand stairs with the same blasé gaze. Well, it was one of the main features of the house and it never failed to impress his guests, a grand majestic double stairways black and white on dark wood floor. It went complete with a dining room large enough to serve as a ballroom. But the fewer the furniture he had , the better he seemed to like it. Every piece of furniture he had seemed high-end and designed. Kyle stood next to Vika and noticed for the first time their difference in size. She was quite short for someone with that much spunk and vitality.

"How big ?" She asked.

"22 000 square feet or so."

"Rooms?"

"Seven I think. More probably."

"A wife?"

"No."

" An ex-wife?"

He shook his head as he dropped his leather jacket on the handrail.

"A maid?"

"Three. Very nice ladies. They come three times a week."

" Kitchen is … ?"

He pointed on his right.

"This way."

She made it before him and he could see her excitement growing as soon as she saw the very sophisticated fridge. It stood in its own corner facing the industrial kitchen stove in stainless steel. Vika soon abandoned jacket and mitts on one of the counter to be more at ease. She opened the fridge in a haste and was delighted at seeing it full and stocked to the brim

"Did you bring Mya here?" She asked.

She grabbed a bowl of potato salad, some roast beef slices, and half of a chicken . She mixed everything in one bowl and picked up a clean fork in the dishwasher.

"No… You're gonna eat that cold? You're gonna eat all that?"

Of course, he did not want to food-shamed her if that was her thing but…Well, she was so small.

"Why?"

"Why? What?"

"Why didn't you bring Mya here?"

"We went to her place. It was nicely furnished. You have some more questions."

"You don't bring girls here?"

She was leaving crumbs and stains on the counter. He grabbed a sponge and cleaned after her as she climbed on the counter to sit down.

"As a general rule… No."

"You invited me?"

"Not here… Not really." He denied.

"You're sure? You weren't going to bring me here?" She whispered.

He said nothing.

"Why?"

"There are exceptions to rules. "

"That's the nicest things you said to me tonight, Kyle."

He just sat on a stool and watched her not without fascination. She swallowed the bowl of potato salad in seven ungraceful spoonful (he knew because he counted) and tore the roast beef and the chickens apart like a professional competitive eater.

" That was delicious… But where are the sushi?"

"Do I look japanese to you?" He said half amused.

"Well…" She swallowed slowly and shrugged. " Just teasing. Are you not native? Indian American? Whatever you people call yourself these days?"

He was genuinely surprised as not a lot of people knew of his native American heritage. Most people just assumed he was Asian. He didn't really care either way.

" How do you know ?"

"I didn't know for sure. But you just look like a Redskins hater."

"That's positively offensive."

"But I'm right anyway…"

"You're wrong. I'm not really into football."

"More a basketball and baseball fan I know."

"How do you know that?"

"Your size? You're really tall... Just kidding… You were a nerd in high school, I presume in deep need of social interactions with girls, so you played Varsity to get their attention. But Basket-ball and baseball are a lot about probabilities and geometry. It's all about technique. You don't really need muscle to do that unlike football. So what a guy with a high IQ to do? You did work hard for it. Well, no pain no gain. It also did a lot for your ego. Kinda typical."

"I don't know anything about you."

"I like potato salad… and meat."

"That's good to know."

"And sushi… Anything with fresh fish really. "

"Will stack my fridge with it."

"I don't plan on staying."

"Of course."

"Something you actually like about your house?"

"You know you're something else? Where did he find you? Warren?"

"My question first…"

"The bedroom… Favorite furniture? The bed where I will be going soon."

She rose an eyebrow in doubt.

" The safe room."

"There's a safe room?"

Now she was genuinely surprised.

"Yes, like in the movies. Knock yourself out. "

He activated the door in the hallway of the first floor, and a secret door slid. She took a quick look inside.

"Video games. Comics… Giant TV… another fridge… and a hot dog machine? Did you plan to live there at one point."

"Maybe…"

"At least it seemed like you… It smell and feel like you… You like to sleep there sometimes."

He looked at her again even more perplex.

"You don't know me."

"I don't."

"I'm going to bed. I'm sure you can show yourself out."

"Yup."

He disappeared behind the doors of the Master Bedroom. He took off his shirt, dropped it on a chair next to the modern chimney. He was about to enter the bathroom when the doors opened behind him with Vika just standing there. She was not surprised it had a truly masculine feel to it with various shades of brown leather and black. There was some kind of native art tapestry on the wall.

 **Unfold – The XX**

She slowly pulled her black shirt up, revealing a flat stomach. He let go of the bathroom door as she stood there half naked. He instantly felt the need to touch her but remained at a distance, unsure he could trust her. She sat down on the side of the bed and struggled to take her boots off. When at last they fell on the black plush carpet with a wet splat, she started peeling the jeans off her so slowly he was about to offer his help. She had a tiny waist with boyish hips. He took a step closer to watch as she pulled her pair of panties down. His lips spread into half a smile. There was a skull on them. He kneeled in front of her, half on his hinges. A black ink tattoo of a bleeding scalpel adorned her thigh and she turned to stretch, revealing the snake circling her back dangerously crawling among bushes of roses and apples. He rose behind her slowly. Brushing her hair aside, he studied her neck carefully. But the temptation was too strong and he kissed her neck ever so slowly. She lied down.

"Are you a stray cat?"

" You found me out. Are you going to…"

"No…"

He said in a whisper while gently grabbing her thighs making her slide to the edges.

"I thought you were exhausted."

"I am."

"And hungry?"

"I am. Tell me something true about you, Vika."

"I told you…"

He straightened up.

"You made me believe you."

He leaned and she embraced his strong shoulder in her arms. She felt his breath on her bellybutton and she almost laughed at the soft caress. His hands rubbed gently her belly and circled her waist carefully. He lifted her to move her toward the center of the bed. Suddenly, he held her sides and turned her around, her back to him. She kissed his hand as it travelled across her neck and chest. His lips brushed the back of her neck again and she shivered. Holding his hand in hers, Vika closed her eyes with a contented sigh. He kissed her hair softly. She smelled of cigarettes and citrus. He remembered pulling the covers on them before he drifted to sleep himself.

 _Oh, out of sight, out of mind_

 _It doesn't mean you're not mine_

 _The feeling goes on and on and on_


	26. Carousel keeps spinning

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters. I acknowledged that only ABC and Shondaland are free to do what they want with it.

 **A/N** : I positively hate this chapter and the next, and the next after that. So, I'm really trying to get it over with. I'm so afraid I will paused and think this over too much like I'm used to and stay stuck forever. I really need this storyline out of my system. I had a weird dream. I wanted to finish this before the start of TGIT because I know it will get complicated when summer ends. But though I'm almost finish with part 1, I have at least three other parts to do. Hope you will all stick with me on this journey. Thanks for your support **Faith, Beth, Jamelia, Patsy, Jax, Karen and Sara**!

¤ On Warren

 **Jamelia** and **Patsy** , I found both your point of view very interesting. You both see very different things in Warren and I really really like it. I lol'd extra hard when I read you **Patsy**. It was such a fresh take among the readers. I don't really know what to say. I love achieving a character who get this kind of ambiguous opinion with the readers. It means you all read me really well. It's a success to me if the character has enough layers to provoke very different reactions. So, I'm really happy right now. I do agree on your statement, Patsy, about not getting over the love of your life up to some point. I think it's not about getting over him right now with Meredith. It's about surviving his loss. You're right it's not easy. I think this chapter will go there and shed some lights on her feelings. But I'm not sure. It's a crappy chapter and all. You guys will tell me what you think anyway...

¤ On MerLex

I love the MERLEX connection since season 1. It' s a deep intimate, strong and enduring friendship. I like that a couple of disturbances in their routine made for a great emotional ride for Meredith and Alex IMO. I found interesting that Alex expresses his grief so honestly here. When he talked about all these people who left one way or another, there is a true sadness there and some despair. It just catered to something I felt with MERLEX, they are isolated and they're fighting not to be. They are hanging onto each other. It's them against the world now. Who would have thought watching the first season of Grey that Mer and Alex would be the last one standing among the interns. Not me, I have to admit. It's even more than that, they lost so many people over the years, among which people you think had a moderate impact on them, but i like to think in fact that they all made a great impression on Mer as well as on Alex. It just pushed them a little bit in the darkness even though they did evolve. But again I also like to open their world a little. They need more people... not for replacement but to gather people around them as a nice social cushion. That's a bit what I think.

¤ On Cristina

I feel like Cristina is really trying hard to reach her goals here and she is not underestimating the sacrifices she got to do. It's not easy to stay focused. I always felt she was a very practical person hence the "pep talk" notes she could read herself when she can't get Meredith on the phone. All of them, they're coping with Derek's death in their own ways. It shifted the balance of the group somehow. Even if Cristina is no longer in the show, I imagine that she would be devastated too. I thought with the pep talk she would find her way to keep her emotional boat afloat anyway she could. She is the kind to me that always find strange ways to not let her emotions out the traditional way and she hates crying. The "Somebody sedate me" moment on the show is one of my favorite. It inspired me quite a bit. Like the "Frozen crying fest" chapter 1, I imagine we didn't see much of her during Derek post funeral because she would be busy crying like a banshee in a closet somewhere.

-26-

Carousel keeps spinning, the earth still shaking

When I flunked my first college exam, got dumped by my first boyfriend and subsequently got mighty depressed over it, Ellis Grey, my mother, told me sternly that there were no such things as the five stages of grief. Grief was a matter of feelings, a refuge of the mind for the weak and the hopeless. When you got screwed by life, when the carousel did not stop turning in time for you to get down safely, when you fell so hard and your pride and sense of self got crushed into nothingness in the process, there was no easy five-steps to recover from that loss. Let's be realistic, you may never recover from that loss, so fuck the false advertising. You were in it for life. Cross your exam goodbye! Your ex will get over you and get married to someone way better than you! Depression will not change anything for the better! You will be all the more useless! The best thing, she said, would have been to never fall to begin with. Be strong. Be ruthless. Be unconventional. Be someone Extraordinary. Don't let unnecessary baggage drag you down. Well, I think even she knew it was impossible to not fall and to not get baggage over the years. So somewhere toward the end, she added wistfully, almost motherly: "You just had to find it in yourself to pick up the pieces of you, Meredith. Nobody can do it for you. Hop, back up again! Just pick yourself together and be strong, be ruthless, be extraordinary all over again." Of course it was easier said than done since neither Kubler-Ross nor my Mom was really good at practicing what they were preaching. People basically spent a lifetime trying to get back on their feet. A horrible waste of time for Ellis… But well… it's not like I was not trying… And I think in all honesty that I was getting the hang of this.

 **Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ****\- Can't hold us (feat Ray Dalton)**

When Meredith woke up, or more like, when she bolted to consciousness, the sky was still a deep shade of purple and blue. She pushed herself on her feet, grabbed her stethoscope left on the side table, and looked over her shoulder. The armchair by the window was empty with just a plaid on it, as the only indication someone had slept there earlier. On the side table, she found a piece of paper with "Don't die on me today" written across it. Meredith smiled fondly.

Alex was pissed off because it was barely 7 a.m and he was already caught in the middle of a queue line... and for what really? He looked behind him. There was at least seven poor mortals souls with even worst luck than him. He looked before him. They were four people ahead with two of them already ordering. His mp3 player blasting music in his ears, Alex took a look at his watch. It was not like he had an obligation to do what he was doing. As if he owed her anything... They called another person before him and he took one more step and it will be his turn. A seriously hot chick stood up to go to the bathroom, all the while making it obvious she was flirting with him. He couldn't help the smug smile. It was the attending scrubs he kept under his jacket no doubt. Another woman with a little kid greeted him silently with an open smile. Hot moms dig him. He looked at his surroundings. Well, a lot of chicks were checking him out right now like he was a hot George Clooney. When he thought about it, he was probably hotter than George right now as he was a Peds surgeon.

"Hello, Dr Karev! How's your day? What can I do for you?"

The waitress greeted him with a bright smile.

"Hey Amy, I'm fine. Your little brother is okay ?"

"He is doing great, thanks."

"I will get the usual and add a box of twenty with cinammon something... Glazed jam... Just mix it up... Oh yes! White chocolate!"

Okay, they were worse things than doing this for Beastie Pierce but no doubt she will be in his debt now.

As the first rays of sunlight filtered down by the blinds, Meredith pushed the door of the attending changing room with determination. It was another day. Another battlefield. There was no time to lament and certainly no time to feel sorry for herself. Opening her locker, she found her earphones. Giving herself that much needed music therapy, closing her eyes, she moved to the flow of Tegan & Sara. She felt Derek behind her. So close… So far at the same time… Like it was her body remembering him and not her mind. He was making these exaggerated moves he used to call dancing. And he put a finger on his mouth, telling her this time he won't say a word to piss her off. Her faint smile turned wide. She could do this. They could just dance and not talk. Meredith kept dancing because there was no letting grief take over. There was no letting his absence destroy what was left of her. She was her own person.

She could do this. There was no crying over what was lost. She could be ruthless again and badass and a force to be reckoned with. She opened her eyes, Derek was gone. But it was fine. A Brain worked in mysterious way. He taught her that. There were good days and bad days. He taught her that too. After a thirty-minute long shower, she changed into new scrubs. She looked at herself in the mirror. She should probably tie her hair in a ponytail for the day, quick and efficient-like. What about a haircut? She made her face. Maybe not a haircut, she was not feeling the big change, but she was feeling beach wave curls worthy. She could pretend then that she was just back from that vacation Derek and her had promised each other for so long. They had been talking Hawaii and Australia a couple years ago. The Fidji Islands had also been in discussion. But they never got the time, and then, there was the plane crash and air traveling was no longer an option for them. Oh let's not go there! Happy thoughts! She needed only happy thoughts!

She picked up her makeup kit. She was just going to do something light to her lips, nothing major, just a little bit of pink… She was doing it for herself. And yes, on Saturday, she will definitely get that slightly Blonder Beach wave "Jennifer Aniston post-brad-Pitt" new do or something close and equally casual chic like! No cutting… Just a slight trim.

She started shaking again with the music. She smiled to her reflection in the mirror reminding herself of Warren's stunned expression when she invited him to invite her in typical Grey fashion. That was so bold. Meredith Grey still got some game left. He did consider inviting her after all. She laughed all alone but then she stopped in her tracks because somewhat it just brought back again mixed feelings of guilt and sadness. Shaking her head free of unwanted thoughts, she rationalized again. They barely did anything wrong. It was just innocent and Bambi Pure. He was never going to invite her for real anyway. She was a basket case and he was all too aware of it. She was not even ready for a relationship. She was not seeking one. And he lived in Annapolis. His life was there. They could never make it work and he was a total stranger to her! He knew Derek! He knew Amelia! How could that work out! Still… Should that forbid them to consider a one night stand? The thought came unexpected and Meredith looked in panic in the mirror. No. No. No. That was not even an option. Don't even think about it! It's ridiculous. She looked at the wrinkles around her lips. She was getting so old. She was like drying on the spot. Of course, she was horny. She could admit it. She was… But of course, he would never… She would never… It was not happening. No one night stand with heavy consequences for her! Nope!

It was true. They were probably right. He probably had a wife somewhere. A guy like that could never be still on the market. Like being Catherine's intern and hot lover would be all he did with his life! And even if that was the case, well talk about awkward! What was she even talking about? Nothing was happening with him. Ever. She was a mother. She was a responsible adult. She was no longer in her twenties, hopping from bar to bar, in search of a quick fix, ready to meet a stranger that will later revealed himself to be her boss. Derek had been her last. The one and only. She was a professional now. She was no longer seeking complications. Warren could be gone already for all she knew. He could be gone. She nodded and started dancing with a smile on her face. That's it! No more boys problems for Meredith Grey aka Medusa! Medusa didn't need any men. She just petrified them on the spot for fun! Yup, that was who she was now! A badass killer temptress! She spun Michael Jackson-like and found Amelia leaning against the door of the adjacent rest room.

"Oh!"

"You got some moves?" Amelia said, mirth in her eyes.

"Thanks… I was warming up to it." Meredith replied equally amused. "So, please, no photos!"

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" Amelia asked with a quick laugh.

"Why everybody is asking me this question? You guys are my doctors and you cleared me, did you not?"

"From permanent brain damages… You got hurt pretty badly. How's that rib?"

"Hurting like hell… But I feel fine otherwise. I did sleep really well last night."

Meredith sat down on a bench.

"I was getting bored anyway."

Amelia went to warm up some coffee.

"I know the feeling. Coffee?"

Meredith nodded as she finished up tying up her laces.

"And the kids?"

Meredith took a quick peek at her watch.

"Maggie should be here soon. She told me she'd wait for Wendy and drop Zola to School."

"Didn't know you sent them home?"

"Well, Maggie suggested."

"I didn't know you needed a babysitter last night." Amelia said, handing her a cup.

Meredith pulled away a strand of hair from her face and accepted the cup with a thankful whisper.

"Well, she proposed. Thanks Amelia."

"I heard Warren Fresker also saved you from cops last night."

"It was nothing. They didn't come at me that hard. But he was surprisingly helpful, yes."

Amelia sipped on her coffee.

"I see."

"So, Maggie told me you knew him."

"It was a long time ago. A really long time ago…"

Meredith finished her coffee and dropped the plastic cup in the garbage can.

"Hum… Hum…"

"In fact, Derek knew him too."

Meredith picked up her stethoscope again on the side of her locker.

"Hum… He did tell me about that."

"You guys talked?"

"Yes."

"So I'm curious, what did you talk about? "

"Nothing really, he told me he knew Derek and was friend with Mark. You guys went sailing once… together. "

They stood up in an awkward silence as Amelia sipped on a coffee and Meredith stole a donut in a box of 20 with Maggie's name on it. That handwriting was familiar. Alex maybe? She raised an eyebrow curiously but munched on the stolen pastry nonetheless. Amelia was looking tenser by the minute. So when Miranda came in, laughing by herself, filled with joy and merriment, they both welcomed the distraction.

"Someone looks happy!" Amelia said.

"Awfully happy!" Meredith added. "What happened?"

"Life is good… You know the usual." Miranda said as she made her way to the fridge to grab an apple.

"You're glowing, Please Miranda, tell us your secret! " Amelia asked as she sat down on the coffee table.

Miranda looked back at the two women. Well, it was true that they both looked a little bit washed out, skinny thin and pale. Was it contagious? She hoped not because she was feeling like the winner she was. She thought jokingly.

"No, no, no, it's in the little things. It's in the details. God is showing me his appreciation for my work, casting all evils and obstacles aside, rewarding his child. That'd be me!"

"Am I brain damaged? Because I don't understand anything you're saying right now. "Meredith said biting in donut n°2.

"I am just saying. My problem is probably gone by now… catching a plane to somewhere."

Meredith frowned even more. But Maggie opened the door all of a sudden.

"Oh good, you are all here. I need a consult A.S.A.P."

"Hey Maggie! You're back? How is Zola? And the babies?"

"Wendy was even early. They're doing fine. We all made pancakes this morning?"

"You cook?"

"Not yet, but I'm learning. Wendy, she came with a premade box. They were awesome! "

"Ah yes, she does that sometimes! "

"Yes and then I dropped Zola at school this morning as per instructions. She made you a drawing. It's adorable. Took a picture and send it on your phone."

Meredith picked up her phone and searched a few seconds before she found it in her mail. Oh Cristina called her so many times! What was wrong with her? She frowned slightly worried. She tried to call back but her call went straight to voicemail. She put in a reminder for herself to call her back as soon as possible and then she took a quick look at Zola's artwork.

"It's adorable. But why are my lips blue? Should I be worried?"

"Bailey crushed some of her Crayolas into the carpet. Don't worry I cleaned it up. It's like new."

" So, it's not a reflection on their clumsy prone to accident mother. I'm relieved and thankful. You're an awesome Aunt. You rock."

Amelia looked at their exchange with interest.

"Thank you, Mer. That's really nice of you to say."

"So cute and refreshing, so you said you needed a consult! You're in luck! I feel like this is my day !" Miranda said, stroking her hands together.

"Yes, I kind of hit a block last night on the Pollard case and I thought well it should be faster to ask for help. "

They all nodded, having experienced this kind of problems at least once in their practice.

On the other side of the country, a certain surgeon was still sleeping like the dead. Something rather cold brushed the side of his face, scratching at the soft almost invisible stubble there. He rolled over to the other side. But he soon felt the same discomfort, and he was forced to open his eyes to chase the nuisance. Face to face with black painted toes attached to a sandy pale foot, he straightened immediately. Too late because the foot brushed his nose again and peals of laughter resonated in the quiet house.

The sun was drowning his bedroom in light.

"So… You're having fun?"

Vika dissolved into another chuckle. She was wearing one of his favorite tee-shirt, black with a native artwork. It really accentuated her small frame. She looked tinier than he remembered last night. Her thighs were curvier too, less boyish. Was it the light? The tattoo starting on her thigh was still impressive and intimidating. Even if she had no chest to be speaking of she never looked more like a woman right now. And well, he couldn't help the strong response of his own body. She walked on the bed on her tip toe like she would on a cloud and jumped down. He picked up the pillow to hid his discomfort. She let herself down in the brown classic leather armchair on the side, modestly crossed her legs, and picked up a bowl of ice cream on the wooden floor.

"I see you made yourself at home."

Licking her spoon, she nodded.

"Want some?"

"No thank you. Ice-cream for breakfast? That is everything but healthy."

She cocked an eyebrow at that with a wicked grin. With his playboy appearance, he certainly looked the healthy self-conscious type. He probably did Kale diet every once in a while and drank smoothies every morning just to keep his muscles so effortlessly tight. His fridge only had the premium stuff, mostly organic food. Even his eggs came from a nearby farm. This ice cream actually tasted like real vanilla. She suspected he looked half his age and as a consequence was twice older than her. Well, if she trusted his ID, she exaggerated quite a bit. He was only born in 1977. She looked at the perfection that was his chiseled jaw and his neckline… and his strong shoulders and she licked that spoon very slowly.

"Every meal needs a dessert in... my humble opinion. As for healthy, I had a very healthy breakfast. Eggs, bacon, and pancakes… "

Well, that was certainly a way to see things. He lowered his gaze to the floor. Was it just the way… the wrong way she was using that spoon. He wasn't so sure. He just couldn't look straight at her. He stood up with a grimace and a grunt. He went in the bathroom without closing the door. Emerging a few minutes later, he leaned in the doorway.

"Pancakes?"

Bacon and eggs was easy to find in his fridge or cellar. But Pancakes…

"I do make very good ones."

His eyes widened with curiosity.

"You cook? I'm surprised."

"I have a 152 IQ. It would be insulting if I could not mix a few ingredients together and follow a recipe by heart."

"For you, that's what cooking is about…"

Kyle sat down on the bed.

"Well… And a way to fill my empty demanding stomach..."

"Do you ever advise your patients on nutrition?" He asked genuinely curious.

"I give them brochures. They are very instructive. That's all Warren requires of me anyway. That's all I'm required to do by law even. I am a strong liberal. Everyone should be able to choose the state in which they're likely to depart this earth. If we were all healthy, there would be no more work for scalpel-addicts like us. People would live very miserable."

"I see… It seemed well-thought. "

"I donated my body to science when I was 21."

"It's gonna make for one interesting anatomy lesson. You smoke I noted last night? Do you use drugs?"

"Do I look the type? Warren hates users. So no, I don't. But I did try… a few stuffs… I won't deny. You?"

"A few stuffs..."

He frowned. She finished the ice-cream and opened a can of soda. Does she ever stop eating?

"Did you sleep well?"*

"Not like you… No I didn't."

"What happen to "I buy myself a small island and happily retire with a couple of easy to please skanks who like first row seats at the NY Fashion week"?

He lowered his gaze to the ground again. Did he say that? She leaned forward, legs spread. That was distracting enough he never find an answer.

"Oh that was also just words?" She said, looking straight into his eyes.

"I can retire. I can probably rent an island for a few months…"

He smiled again with a hint of his usual arrogance.

"Ah…But you don't want to…"

"I don't want to."

She rose slightly and picked up a phone in the fold of the armchair and sent it flying his way. He caught it easily enough, realizing not without a bit of annoyance that it was his phone and that she probably broke in his mail while he was sleeping. He flicked through his messages quickly. Did she ever learn the meaning of boundaries? He lost his trail of thoughts when something caught his attention.

"That's the kid's stats? He is doing… better than fine… better than anticipated. He woke up and asked for his father… No signs of rejection of the two transplants… though he is still on anti-rejection medication. "

"Yes, we killed him and he just woke up. That's a bummer, right. Don't tell me you're happy! " She teased.

A smile spread on his lips.

"His vitals are strong. He is due for an MRI tomorrow to check the progression of the cancer. " He continued.

"Lillah is awesome like that, sending us pictures of his stolen charts."

"She is…"

"It is as good an outcome as can be."

He nodded weakly. The smile was slowly fading from his lips and it seemed to Vika that his resolve might be shaken for a second, but then his determination was back and he acquiesced with more assurance.

"There's also a message from the board. I'm suspended until further review."

He shrugged though she could see his disappointment.

"Oh me too… But you know what? I'm not going to complain. Because despite not being suspended, Thanvi took a couple of days off. She went to Bermuda with her husband and her daughter. That woman always stays winning. I secretly want to be like her when I grow up minus the prissy part of course. Oh and Warren is still in Seattle visiting a friend… It seemed he ran into some kind of trouble there. He was not very talkative on the subject. He will be back soon and you will get your job back."

She stretched like a cat and then crawled between his legs, her hands on his thighs.

"You seem so certain. "

"Well, I believe in you and I believe in Warren. So, yes, I'm sure."

"He never lied to you?"

"No. Did you ever lie to me?"

"No. But I tend to overestimate myself. It's a compulsive behavior." He said it

"Let me guess it is the way your superego tried to conceal the vulnerabilities of your conscious ego, also obscuring your very low emotional quotient and your defective Flight/fight social response."

"That makes sense. Why does it make sense?"

"Well, add to that sociopathic tendency and you get my profile on Attractive World."

He brushed her hair softly. She didn't look so dangerous right now. But yesterday... She was not totally sane... Vika licked his wrist slowly.

" I have another question?"

"Go ahead."

"Who's the pretty boy on your phone? "

"What boy?"

"You know on your phone, in his twenties, very long black hair, soulful eyes and pretty eyelashes. He is exquisite. I don't mean to offend you. But he is… a work of art. An Ex-lover maybe? "

"My son… but you knew that."

"You do have the same predominant facial features, eyebrows, nose, mouth… You could have been brothers. But I knew there was a strong probability…"

"We do look like brothers."

"In fact, I'm surprised you told me. "

"I will never lie to you Vika because I don't wanna make you cry again."

She stared into his eyes and could see he was being sincere.

"So what are we going to do to pass the time now that you let "Sluttie Pie" go home with the Milkshake?"

"That was your fault."

"Maybe. You didn't help much."

"I was exhausted…"

"Well, now she is gone…"

"I'm not gonna have sex with you, Vika."

"Why? You want to… I want to… We want to… What's the matter? "

She locked eyes with him for a strong minute and he leaned slightly inches from her lips.

 **Fire meet Gasoline – Sia**

"You have an even lower Emotional IQ than me."

She pouted.

"I can fake it. I can fake being awesome so well."She teased.

"Not well enough."

"I don't care for you."

"Liar..."

"I am… lying... I have to... because... You barely walked into my life. I know better usually. But I just came to care just a little bit. I won't tell you how dangerous in my case."

"I know you do... care... You made me pancakes. You're trying to show off."

She avoided his gaze.

"Then why… Am I not good enough? Don't tell me Sluttie Pie is better than me?" She laughed with a hint of sarcasm.

But he knew it was hiding her real insecurities right now...

"Because you will leave and never come back… I want you to come back. I will need you to come back."

She let out a quick resounding laugh, quite a nervous one. She quickly kissed his mouth and stood up.

"Okay, I can see your point."

"Vika…"

"We're good."

"Really?"

"Crystal Clear."

"Like staring at your own reflection?"

"Something like that…" She smiled.

He grabbed her wrist.

"Do you like movies?"

"What kind?"

"Fist of fury… but I do have romantic comedies… or other action movies…We could order… "

Was he for real? She pushed him back to the bed. Surprised he lost balance, she straddled him swiftly and was pinning his arms above his head. She sighed contentedly.

"What did we just said?"

"Quiet now…"

She stared at him predatorily, with the authority of someone wiser and older who knew exactly what she needed and wanted. His heart was beating faster, matching hers. She gasped. They probably did together, taking one deep breath after another, as she moved slowly against him, arching her back. He freed his hand easily enough, and pulled the tee-shirt off her. Holding his hand in hers in a tight loving grip, she was scratching his chest in slow torturous circle, and kissing the side of his neck softly.

Sadly, at this rate, Kyle knew there was no keeping her in his life. It was like a spark in the night this thing between them. It would burn yes. But then, it would turn into ashes and it would be gone. She was fighting strongly to keep the control of the situation but he could feel her slipping. She arched again and he held her neck firmly to steal a long deep kiss and she tasted of strawberry and cookies and cream and everything that should be forbidden. She gasped. He took another sharp intake of breath.

"It was enjoyable while it lasted."

He whispered against her collarbone. She moaned and kissed him back savagely, hurriedly, sensually and all so openly. His hands, drunk with lust, were massaging her sensitive cold hard nipple, he pulled her down with him this time. They were doomed from the start. Grabbing her neck forcefully, he pulled her down for another Cookies & Cream tasting kiss and he no longer knew what started this. She no longer knew what started this.

 _So come on now_

 _Strike the match, strike the match now_

 _We're a perfect match, perfect somehow_

 _We were meant for one another_

 _Come a little closer_


	27. The laws of Attraction and Fan Reactions

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters. I acknowledged that only ABC and Shondaland are free to do what they want with it. I also acknowledged that I shouldn't complain about it.

-27-

The laws of Attraction and fan reactions

"I was always attracted not by some quantifiable, external beauty, but by something deep down, something absolute. Just as some people have a secret love for rainstorms, earthquakes, or blackouts, I liked that certain undefinable something directed my way by members of the opposite sex. For want of a better word, call it magnetism. Like it or not, it's a kind of power that snares people and reels them in."

― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun

Warren looked at his watch, his eyes hollow and devoid of emotion after hours of reading. It was getting closer to eight. He blinked back a little, chasing images of war, death, famine and starvation. For a few minutes, the easy buzzing of the clock lured him dangerously in this nightmare of a dream. He could see himself holding a scalpel in shiver and sweat, blood seeping from an open wound, praying all the gods he knew that he had it in him to do what he was about to do. His eyes became glassy and his vision blurred. The blood seeped on the dusty ground and it was warm when it touched his knees, soft like a wanted to heave in disgust.

This time, Warren opened his eyes wide to make sure he stayed awake. The images from a distant past faded immediately. He pressed his hands together under his chin, his chest slowly rising and falling. He had slept something like three hours last night in this very chair, his feet across the conference table. Thanks to his unusual upbringing, he did not require a bed to fall asleep. He could pretty much do it everywhere or in the most unusual circumstances. So he slept sometimes between two and five o'clock, and then woke up to consult the documentation for the Seattle Grey Memorial, Catherine had prepared for him, business reports and piles of HR files so he could get familiar with its inner working and the administrative part. He only stopped reading for a quick shower in Richard's office. He was delighted to see new clothes waiting for him. A note was pinned on it with Catherine's signature as she said a simple "Thank you" and as their usual private joke. " I've got you."

He sipped on some cold coffee and return to his readings.

On the financial side, the Seattle Grey Sloane Memorial was holding its own. They were doing fairly well considering some of its board members just learned the job a couple of years ago. However they had made a couple of important investments, equipment wise, over the years and not a lot of them came with real short-term pecuniary benefit. He did commend Chief Hunt for investing in a LODOX machine. He also believed it was an instrument of the that was it, the cost was entirely supported by the hospital and it was quite heavy a cost on the treasury.

A lot of trials and research had been quickly abandoned. One of their biggest losses had been the departure of Derek Shepherd to DC, prior to his death. You could say what you wanted about the man but he had been their biggest asset. When he was head of Neuro, he was bringing in 78% of the patients. He also made great publicity for them. But then, he left for DC and untimely died, and some of his research and trials was quickly left in limbo. These things happened sometimes when there is a sudden conflict in the schedule of a doctor, a marriage, a divorce, a birth...a death. These things happened. And Shepherd was not an isolated case here; he calculated that 75% of their trials had been abandoned in their first six months. He could see it two ways … Either, you had doctors who chose their subject matter so badly that they realized themselves the idiocy of the premises on which was founded their studies very early on. Either, the same doctors simply got easily distracted and sidetracked and that was the management's fault for not putting them back on track. He did not know which one seemed like the more suitable and reasonable explanation. Both situations could be helped and avoided for him since the consequence was that the money was spent and Seattle Grey Sloan Memorial got nothing out of it.

They bought a 3D printer and again he could see the long term potential. Endless possibilities. However there was no special course on its use and its application to encourage research among the residents for example which represented for him a lost opportunity to tighten the residency program. And the only person who managed to turn this into something profitable for the hospital was Cristina Yang and then she left for Zurich. They let her go to Zurich after she lost that Harper Avery. He read her old file and laughed out loud at the nerves she showed in her resignation letter. She said in it that though she basically owned the place, she could never become someone inside its walls, the place had simply become too small for her " budding greatness" and "suck on this Catherine Avery". Actual quote. She finished by letting her ambitions be heard. She should become "someone bigger than an Harper Avery Award so there was no need to consider her ever again for one of those and subsequently made her lose her precious time dressing up for the event." She should "become the Ultimate Cardio God and rule on all things earthly only to be challenged by Death itself and just a fistful of other surgeons" among which stood Dr Meredith Grey, "her partner in crime, her best friend, and her person. " Again. Actual quote. He put the file aside with a smile. She had a sense of humor.

Who haven't heard about Yang had probably lived on a deserted island for the past six years? She was first that brave resident who made America cry as she operated open-heart on her attending threatened at gunpoint. Then she printed a conduit for a baby and reached that level of greatness only known to just a few. Yang's experimental approach had opened a lot of forum of discussions in the country and Warren went to a conference she gave in Paris last year. Well, he had wanted her…in Annapolis that is. He had just lost his head of Cardio to a Vascular Thromboembolism so he had been searching for a good replacement. After Catherine snatched Maggie Pierce right from under his nose, he had wanted to return the favor in kind. But he had not been able to talk to her since there was a one hour queue line and he had to catch a plane back home. The only other doctor who rivaled Yang's right now in his heart was Dr Torres. He had all but caught a glimpse of her early in the afternoon yesterday. She was an uncredited genius, and one of the seven, she could build cartilages and he had no idea why she wasn't more recognized or even more advertised. Prior to his DC stunt, Shepherd and Torres were working on a Robotic prosthetic leg for patients with spinal problems, later continued with Owen Hunt, but the application could be pretty diverse. Kyle would probably love to take a look at this for his osteosarcoma children. He placed her file with Yang. A number of these doctors were way above average. Some were great Arizona Robbins for example. Some of them had amazing potential for growth like Jackson Avery. Some were god-awful like Chang the actual head of orthopedic surgery. To be kind, they had tried to fire him already at some point but they didn't do it because the man threatened them with a lawsuit.

The sun was making its timid appearance behind him. He opened Meredith's file and probably closed it half way through. It was not even that something was wrong with her file. Well, she had a tendency of breaking the rules. Although, you didn't have to be a genius to figure that one out. You just had to spend a couple of minutes with her. Better, you just had to watch her drive her SUV back on her another car to see it. She was impulsive. She was reckless. Did she really help cut a patient's LVAD's wire so he became a higher priority in the transplant list? Did she really put her hands over a bomb inside the chest of a patient? Did she really almost drown on duty? And crashed in an ambulance with a baby ? And crashed on a plane? She was a death defying archangel. And Warren thought he had a crazy challenging childhood! Nope, he was no match for her it seems. He sighed.

Though, he could see she was a perfectly capable surgeon. He just found it disappointing and utterly frustrating that all these tragic events in her life overshadowed her work. Following her career, he had no idea of what kind of surgeon she could be. It troubled him somehow. There was nothing concrete that told him what kind of surgeon she was. She helped her husband on his trial on brain tumors and was visibly assisting when he developed the Shepherd method. She also assisted him on his Alzheimer trial but it was cut short, closed for ethical reasons. The file had been redacted so he didn't know what happened. She hoped to continue her mother's research on diabetes but then suddenly dropped it. She was on a 91 streak … of good luck or incredible dexterity. Well, he believed only in the latter. It was written on a post-it, courtesy of Catherine, he imagined. So, she was indeed talented. But he had to stop reading this nonetheless because he wanted to stay level-headed as far as Meredith Grey was concerned. There was no need adding to the list of things that currently attracted him to the fire, incredibly gifted with a scalpel. She was the daughter of Ellis Grey. She was beautiful and intriguing. She was lonely. What could possibly go wrong? He smiled to himself. He knew. That is why he told himself that there would be no more flirting. He would finish the job and focused on what Catherine actually needed him to do. Then he would go home… where he had other troubles to work on.

With a polite knock Richard came into the Conference room and Warren gathered the files together and stood slowly to face him. Both men shook hands, greeting each other with much more warmth than the day before. Richard looked at Meredith's file on top of the pile with interest but said nothing. He hesitated slightly but then Warren could see in his eyes the exact moment he decided to let it go. He was quite thankful for that since he didn't really want to talk about her. They resumed talking about other mundane stuffs over breakfast in the cafeteria. It was there they crossed path with Maggie Pierce and she invited them to consult on her case. Of course, she had been the first thing he saw when he came into the room and he knew he had to get her out of his system one way or another.

Meredith's eyes darted to the door as soon as he came in with Richard. She briefly greeted him silently than looked at the ground. He went to stand behind her, thinking it was the best place to avoid unnecessary eye contact. What was this? Miranda thought as she leaned on a desk. Was it the universe screwing with her? Why Richard had not send the man back was beyond her? Did Catherine brain-washed him or voodooed him in some powerful way? The Richard she knew and love would never have tolerated this kind of behavior. That idiotic playboy man- child-thing wouldn't be standing in front of her, hands in his pockets. Miranda sent a glare to Richard. He frowned in confusion. Poor Richard had no clue what he did wrong.

While Miranda was silently fuming at the unfairness of the situation, Meredith looked over her shoulder as Warren stood behind her, leaning against the wall, in that nonchalant stand of his, playing with his phone while keeping his ears sharp for the conversation. She was all too aware of his eyes on her from time to time and was trying hard to stay focused. Distracted, shamelessly horny, lonely Meredith was a thing of yesterday. Be ruthless, be unstoppable, be extraordinary was what Mama had prescribed. Though she knew she was partly responsible for the way their relationship evolved so quickly in awkward land, she strayed enough on the subject, she was sure he agreed with her right now that they both had way better things to do and they both loved their jobs too much to let this distract them.

Catherine said something in Richard's ears. He nodded quickly. Miranda crossed her arms on her chest and stared angrily at the Webbers. That woman never took no for an answer. Miranda realized. She was determined to be the one choosing the next chief of surgery, like she was determined to rule the world. She was going to force it down everyone's throat whether they liked it or not. She stared at her rival and noticed he only looked up from his phone to look at Meredith Grey. Meredith turned swiftly to look at him with those puppy eyes of hers. Oh Grey! no?! What did you do? Amelia was frozen to the spot. She noticed too. That was "Hoops" all over again! That was trouble, more trouble than Miranda ever asked for! Oh Grey!

"Thank you for joining us!" Catherine opened up as if she was actually the chief of surgery and their boss. "Dr Shepherd, I know Dr Fresker and you are acquainted so I think there is no need for an introduction. "

Amelia kept her eyes trained on the floor, barely acknowledging the truth in Catherine's words. Meredith stared at her sister-in-law curiously.

"Was I mistaken Amelia?"

Warren moved closer to the center, came side by side with Meredith, barely taking his eyes off the screen of his smartphone for one second to look at her candidly. She just knew that glint in his eyes. When others would think he was just being neutral, she knew it was meant for her to feel cornered. She looked at him sideways and nodded with a forced smile.

"Not at all, Catherine."

Owen looked at their exchange worriedly as he settled next to Stephanie. Meredith's gaze went from her sister-in-law to McFrosty in a matter of seconds. Miranda shook her head slowly. More trouble! Hum Hum! This was already getting messier and messier.

"Very well… But to those who don't know him, and have not yet been introduced to him, I'm glad to do the honor since I am lucky enough to consider him a friend. Dr Fresker is the chief of staff of the renowned Strauss Medical Center in Annapolis. He is an equally respected general surgeon with an additional double board certification in Urology and ENT. He was also my intern many many years ago… So I'm even more proud. I asked him to come here so he can have a tour of our facilities, meet up with the amazing team of dedicated doctors and nurses we have, and of course take a closer look at the wonderful work we're doing here. Hopefully he will like it enough to stay and we will have found ourselves a new chief. " Catherine boldly concluded with a bright smile.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Catherine! " Richard said as Miranda was killing him softly through the mighty power of heat-vision.

Half of her speech went completely over Warren's head really as he was staring at Meredith. He noted she picked her hair up in a ponytail and put on some lipstick. She looked particularly good today. She turned for a quick glance but unfortunately he caught her right in the middle of it. His face relaxed into smugness. Her face slightly flushed, Meredith scratched her nose in embarrassment. She tried to suppress the smile on her lips but found out she couldn't. She let out a deep sigh of relief. She felt as if she dodged one with this one and suddenly felt quite proud of herself. Yup! Happy "keep your knees together" day, Meredith! Cristina would have shouted out at her. Right, she really needed to call her friend back.

"What Catherine meant is that he is a potential candidate for the chief's position prevailing Dr Fresker will be interested in what the Grey Sloane Memorial has to offer."

Richard grabbed one of Debra Pollard's chart.

"We now know more about our Doe Family. The driver's name is Debra Pollard. She is the mother of Celia and Ryan Pollard who was also admitted yesterday. Although you probably know by now that Celia the daughter did not make it despite the best efforts of Dr Karev and Dr Shepherd… "

" How about their family? "

"Mister Pollard was there last night and Karev spoke to him. Since then, he had left without leaving a number to join him. We don't know where he is right now. He appeared to be quite in shock. Mrs Pollard's mother was contacted in support and she should be arriving soon. "

"Did they catch who did this?" Miranda asked.

"The police said that there was no sign of aggression on the highway. It is possible she was assaulted closer to home. They're still investigating."

Without a word, Warren left the room to answer a phone call and Meredith immediately checked Amelia's reaction to his sudden departure. As for Amelia, she smiled reassuringly to Owen but the warmth never really reached her lips. She was undeniably nervous and upset. So Owen came to stand beside her as to show his support. It was not like he really understood what was happening. Amelia had refused to talk about it when he crossed her path this morning. At least, it was clear to him that whatever tie this Fresker and Amelia had in the past, it wasn't really good memories. Was Catherine serious about bringing this guy in, in a moment so delicate where everyone was still reeling over the immense shock that was Derek's death's last year? He knew the healing was just starting for a lot of people. He gave her concerned look to Meredith. So why bring an outsider in it? One they knew nothing about. When Warren came back into the room, Owen looked at him with distrust. Miranda was shaking her head at all this "hoops" coming from everywhere in this room. There was Catherine, Amelia and now Owen! That was so not what she had in mind this morning when she said that God was into details.

"Now, we have to focus our efforts on the mother and it will not be a cakewalk."

They all nodded. Webber turned to Maggie so she could intervene.

"Patient arrived in respiratory distress with multiple gunshot wounds. A total of five. I proceeded with Dr Hunt in the removal of four projectiles. When we tried to remove the one closer to the spine, her condition deteriorated so quickly, we had to stop all attempts in order to preserve the patient's stability."

Owen nodded and posted the different scans and radios on the screen board.

"That's where we hit a block of sorts."

Meredith looked up appalled. She understood now why Miranda told her she should absolutely not feel guilty concerning Debra's condition, that woman had been through so much. She obviously read her charts last night but to see the extents of her wounds on scans was something else.

"You said she was stable?"

" We have a hard time keeping her that way."

Amelia moved closer to the scan. She was particularly interested by the spinal bullet.

" You see why we had to gather you here. Seems pretty simple at the beginning but it get even more complicated. She developed a rash around her chest area and it's rapidly spreading. We have no idea what it is."

"Lead allergy?" Edwards suggested.

" Why now ? Eczema is quite localized. " Maggie said.

"I read she is diabetic. Septic shock." Wilson wondered.

Miranda shook her head. She never saw that kind of sepsis before.

"That bullet is what's concerns me?" Amelia came closer to Catherine." She could remain paralyzed if we don't take it out. Worst case scenario it moved, it can rupture her spinal cord… amplifying her paralysis... maybe killing her. You have to do a back procedure with a pseudo spinal decompression of the fifth vertebrae. It's impossible otherwise."

Warren shook his head.

"It's not impossible just difficult, not if you take her spleen out. It's a short window though." Warren said.

"I think you may be right. There…" Meredith pointed.

She agreed solely because she thought that's probably what Derek would have done. She saw him do this on similar cases when she was a fourth year. Amelia turned to her with resentment in her eyes but Meredith who was busy looking at the screens didn't see it. Of all the things Meredith could do, Amelia hated when she pretended to know something about neuro just because she was Derek's wife. Catherine raised one eyebrow in alert. She said nothing, not choosing any sides, not allowing this to degenerate quickly. Miranda was shaking her head in silent despair.

"How did you treat the rash, Dr Pierce?" Edwards asked.

"5 ml of Enzem Glycolin. "

"And it did not recede?" Catherine frowned. She asked for the charts and look at the medication. But then she got a text from one of the nurses, telling her Jackson was awake and she realized she had to leave.

"If you will please excuse me… I will be back when I can."

Without a word, she left the room. Warren was standing next to Meredith. Besides stealing a few glances his way, Meredith tried her best to keep her eyes on the board. She was doing so well, focusing on the case at hand. She almost wanted to laugh at all this display of wisdom. Warren smiled at her feigned indifference but quickly avoided her gaze because she also made it hard for him to multitask like he used to. So they both found a new game in which the winner was the one who ignore the other the longer. He took another quick look at the radios and scans.

"If treating the symptoms does not alleviate them, something else is wrong with the patient. " Miranda said testily as she moved to change the angle on one of the scans. It was something like a challenge. She watched the playboy intently. What would he answer? God, it was to the point where she actually miss Derek's Master-of-universe-who-knows-better-than-God-himself voice! Who was she kidding? She did miss it. She would give anything for him to be here with them right now.

"Those are the LODOX scans?"

Miranda nodded. Something caught Warren's attention on the screen board and he came closer. Meredith followed his gaze.

"What is it?" She whispered.

Maggie joined them.

"You said she was diabetic if I am correct."

Maggie nodded.

"Type 1. Probably undiagnosed and untreated. Her blood sugar level blew the roof. But we administered the proper medication and she got just a little bit better."

He scratched his head and picked up a ruler on the desk. He compared the charts again.

"What is it?" Meredith whispered.

"Isn't there anything you see out of the ordinary, Dr Grey?"

Meredith came closer and Miranda followed them carefully. He pointed at the pancreas.

"I can see… Pancreas is enlarged… probably inflamed. It's strange in fact. " Meredith said.

He nodded.

"A pancreatic inflammation is not that odd for a type 1 diabetic. But again, proper medication did nothing for that inflammation, that's strange." Miranda said.

"I need a closer look at the upper GI."

Edwards who had organized the files earlier helped him in his search. She found the set of Upper GI scans first.

"Here, Dr Fresker."

"Thank you Stephanie."

Surprised he remembered her first name; Stephanie just couldn't help the little gloss of pride.

"You think it is connected to her diabetes."

Warren replaced the scans on the screen by the new one.

"I honestly don't think she's got diabetes in the most literal sense."

Maggie and Owen frowned in confusion.

"That's her latest NFS. " Stephanie said.

"Look at her white blood cells level…"

"Isn't it normal during an infection?" Stephanie asked. "Though there is something I found strange, earlier when I looked at her numeration. In the glucose report, the presence of TH89 and Anoxicitine in important proportions, Dr Fresker ."

He turned to Stephanie with a smile.

"Good Catch, Stephanie. Very good. It should certainly not be so high except ..."

He showed Meredith and Miranda on the charts than on the scans.

"There's an undetermined mass here." Meredith concluded, mouth agape. They could have missed this one.

"Where?" Maggie asked.

Meredith showed her again.

"Oh…right…You're sure. I thought it was just a shadow. "

Amelia, Owen and Richard came closer.

"It's probably just a shadow. You think she is…" Amelia said.

"It's not a shadow." Warren replied rather sternly.

Miranda sighed. He had to be right. Well, so be it. Maybe he wasn't just a pretty face, maybe he did know his stuff.

"Her blood pressure matches. The high concentration of white blood cells... We need to take a better look at this." She admitted then. "Edwards, the phone is next to you, call Onco…"

"If there is a tumor here why can't we see it? " Amelia asked. "The LODOX scan device's level of precision is quite unmatched. Why can't we see anything on the scan?"

To that valid question, Miranda, Meredith and Maggie had no real answer. Warren took out his phone and made another phone call.

On the other side of the country, well things had gotten overly heated. Vika caught him completely unprepared. As his hand drifted to her hip, settled there, unmoving and unshaking, she tried to catch a reprieve there, not completely fall apart, and find her pace again. But he pulled her even closer. She inhaled sharply making out noises he had no idea she could make willingly.

He caught her completely unprepared and not a lot of people could do that. The feeling was exhilarating similar to falling from the sky. She splayed her hand against his. Their lovemaking was far from being tender because tender was not them. She was spread beneath him and that infuriated her and at the same time… At the same time, she was completely caught unaware. Every time their skins touched… She felt her own body betraying her as she became that shivering whimpering mess.

The only thing that mattered was touching him more, kissing him more. He tasted so good like an equally screwed up albeit possibly better version of herself. His breathing quickened as did hers. He began nuzzling her neck with delicate kisses. She pushed him away breathlessly, fighting for her life, for her independence. They rolled together in a puzzle of limbs and he managed to get behind her. It was the end of her as she grabbed the sheets. He pulled at her hair and neck. She gasped. They were whispers but for the love of all Bruce Lee's works, she was deaf and blind to all sensations but hers. A harsh moan left her lips. She urged herself to push him away but wished really hard he did not let go of her. Her limp body began to tremble uncontrollably. Her mouth agape, she did not see him yielding for her. When she opened her eyes, he laid next to her, on his back unlike her. She could not see his face and felt only relief at that.

She closed her eyes as her heart clenched in her chest. There was no caring for dead things. She repeated mentally again and again. He straightened up first, lingering on the edge of the bed. She stared at his back for a few more minutes. Her face gained back that resolve that freed her from invisible chains. He turned in time to see that wicked challenging smile on her face.

He smiled faintly but she could read his eyes. He was like her. He was distracted too, busy battling over lost notions, careful concepts, like whatever was happening between them had probably never happened at all. He scratched his back in pain. She could see her handy work there. She was tempted to reach for it but before she could touch him, he stood up. She didn't turn and follow him across the room. She liked to think she was above that. He closed the bathroom door behind him and she closed her eyes. Well, she fucked this one up marvelously. Indeed! No pun intended!

She was dozing off when she realized his phone was ringing on the bedside table. She hesitated for a minute but what did she have to lose? Nothing. It's not like she cared. She was an uncaring beast.

"Hello?"

There was a pause from the caller. A wicked smile crept on her face.

"Hello?"

"…Vika, it's me."

The smile faded.

"Oh! I… How's your day?"

"I need to talk to Kyle. Is he with you?"

Well, he knew the answer to that.

"It's coming right up."

Before she turned, Kyle was already leaning over her, picking up his phone in her hand, his skin cold and wet from the shower sending a shock of sensation to her spine. Vika bit her lips and pushed him away hard. She disappeared in the bathroom.

"Yes Warren."

He got closer to the bay windows. The weather was clear outside. The river was like a broken mirror with hundreds of thousands of shards shimmering under the bright sun. The flow was lazy as he couldn't hear well the familiar rush of water against the rocky banks. He did not even need to open the window and go on the balcony to feel the easy chill. He lied to her last night. You could say it had been a question of survival. This was his favorite part of the house, the surrounding waterfront. The Safe room, his play room, whatever he called it, came a distant second.

"You're on speakerphone. Don't say anything you will regret later!"

These words got him out of his contemplation. He let go of the curtains at once and grabbed a black shirt in the dressing room.

"You're actually no fun. "

" Dr Weber, Avery, Grey , Edwards, Shepherd, Pierce and Hunt, are here… This is Dr Kyle Yeahquo who works with me in Annapolis. He is… " Warren said as he put his phone on the desk next to him.

"A very renowned oncologist…and a respected researcher…" Maggie said, fidgeting slightly on one foot, trying hard to maintain some composure.

Stephanie's eyes went even wider in recognition and she almost lost it.

"… But he is also an amazing vascular and Upper GI surgeon… Three times elected best surgeon in America… Twice Harper Avery winner… He invented the Reverse Whipple procedure to perfect the treatment of pancreatic cancer. His hands are insured for 25 million dollars! That's how much he is worth! Oh my gosh! And he writes very entertaining medical mysteries… He is very present on social media where he answers questions on medical procedures." Stephanie cut in exalted like she was a member of a secret cult.

"Really, you read them too?" Maggie said, a little surprised.

"Yes, I did. I do… I love them actually… You learn everything in them. It's like Medicine for the Wicked Smart. He is…" Edwards continued.

"Hot… Very steamy… I think we get it, girls. Get it together!" Meredith teased them, crossing her arms on her chest.

"Look who's talking!" Miranda said, having fun on her own timing. Meredith turned to Miranda in confusion.

Maggie just bit her lips in embarrassment.

"Who's this?"

"That was Dr Pierce, Dr Edwards, then Dr Grey."

"Very nice to meet you."

"Likewise." Meredith said as she teased Maggie with a wink. Maggie nodded.

"I'm… very honored… Sir…" Stephanie said, smiling wide.

"Do I need to add anything?"

"Nope, she can drop the "Sir"… But they were perfect. Should fire my PR... They're the best."

"Are you home? Do you have access to a computer?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact."

"I just sent something I want you to take a look at."

He left the bedroom for the study room where he sat behind his desk. There were two larger screens on the wall where he could consult on his most difficult cases and planned his own surgeries. As the scans appeared on all the screens around him, Kyle cocked an eyebrow high. That was… He took a look at the rest of the chart.

"I figured that if you're speechless it's not good."

"The comparative sizes… are quite surprising."

"An average 5-6 millimeters…

"Yes, I can see that. It is quite a huge shadow."

"I know…"

"Does she develop a rapidly spreading painful rash?"

"Yes… it's Dr Pierce. She does. It is localized to the chest lower area. The patient is unconscious. So I don't know about the level of pain. We have presumptions though." Maggie answered.

"She needs a surgical biopsy for me to be more precise. But that woman was shot, it's written here, right?"

"Yes, five times. "

"Five times? She was five times... and what's this note about a car crash? How is she still alive?"

"You tell me. I never saw anything quite like this."

Kyle pulled on his glasses. He thought about it for a minute.

"Well, I know what she has but I don't know why she is alive. I think you have a glucagonoma here. It's a tumor that develops in the pancreas. It develops in cells that make hormones. "

"I… heard about this… It's a very rare type of cancer. But all the studies I read on it told me that not all glucagonomas are malignant! So what it is this?"

"Who am I speaking to?"

"That was Dr Bailey asking."

"Right, Dr Bailey. It's true, they're not always but it's extremely difficult to know whether the patient has a malignant or a benign tumor, you almost always have to go in surgically. In 95% of cases at least. Another thing, we called this one a hide-and-seek because it is really difficult to see on scans and as a result difficult to diagnose. "

"Does that mean…" Stephanie asked.

Meredith turned to her with the same stunned expression.

"Yes, it means she's been shot five times, involved in a car crash and cancer is what's currently killing her." Meredith said.

"And I think that's what's keeping her alive right now… Her diabetes slowed her circulation flow down… " Warren said.

"And that's why the bullet caught in that artery had not ruptured her spine yet." Amelia said, acknowledging her past mistake.

" What would be the course of treatment, Dr Yeahquo?" Maggie asked.

"Well, if you had more time I'd say you may have options. But you don't have time… With the last bullet inside, she will be going into organ failure soon I presume… She won't last long enough to survive radiotherapy. You have to do a biopsy coupled with a possible cytoreductive Surgery to try and remove the tumor but I suspect you will have to go twice or you won't gain any satisfying results. There's this… And there's also the fact she is already losing her pancreas…"

"A transplant?" Stephanie asked.

"With her diabetes… and open wounds... " Maggie shook her head.

"I also advise against transplantation. She could reject it or get an infection. There's the matter of the bullet too?" Meredith explained.

"You can't leave the bullet any longer. It's too much of a risk. She would be tetraplegic with no chance of recovery. She has two children… well one now…but still."

"Who is that?"

"Dr Shepherd?"

"The neuro… The one working on mapping the brain?" Kyle asked.

"That was her brother, Kyle. Is there an alternative?"

"Maybe… But it's still experimental."

"As In…"

"I saw it done twice in Singapore and Japan. I only did it once successfully."

"Meaning…. "

"It's quite aggressive…

"Is it a surgical salvage of partial pancreatic allograft thrombosis?" Stephanie asked.

"It's dr Edwards, right?"

"Yes!"

"As a matter of fact, Dr Edwards… Yes… you're right! It's possible you could try that."

"Can you explain…Stephanie…" Warren asked looking straight at her, as if he wanted to make no mistake who he wanted to talk to. Richard watched the exchange with interest. Stephanie's face lit with confidence.

"It's basically a vascular repair of the pancreas using an allograft, meaning another piece of pancreas. First thing, you assessed the extent of the damages on the pancreas. Then, you basically have to take out the whole organ, scrubs as much of the tumor out, then you replace and do the vascular repair . It's brilliant."

When Meredith nodded encouraging her to continue, Stephanie started to explain in great details how she would proceed following Kyle Yeahquo's method.

"You have a winner, Warren!"

"Edwards…" Richard started quite impressed.

He turned to Warren. He could also teach.

"Sorry… I got carried away. "

"No… No… She's perfect. You are perfect."

" You have to get carried away in my specialty… You don't get shit done if you don't get a little carried away from time to time. That's my experience at least. Ask Warren. "

"She is a third year resident she has to choose her instances well. In this case, it was welcome. You get carried away all the time." Warren confirmed with dry humor. " Even a bit too much… that's sometimes a problem."

"Nonsense… she knows the procedure really well. There's nothing else I can tell you. "

Warren nodded, glancing at the resident behind him. Stephanie couldn't help the grin on her face. She was currently on cloud nine. She could not even believe what just happened. In two day she met Jesus and talked to Kyle "the Miracle man" Yeahquo. He congratulated her. She was over the moon with joy, pride, and beaming with confidence.

"Thank you Kyle for your insight. I'm also working on your case."

"You're welcome. Keep me posted."

Richard took a step back and made the final decision.

"So we're clear, Edwards and Grey will go in first, they will evaluate the need for cytoreduction, then before they close up, they will take out her inflamed pancreas, while they do that, I think it allows Dr Shepherd to try to reach the bullet from the front after a splenectomy."

"I can scrub in too. "Miranda said.

"That won't be necessary. You will be plenty busy. Though, Pierce we will need you to. You will watch over them like a hawk to make sure the vascularization of all organs be monitored closely."

Maggie nodded.

"I'm not sure I can go from the front, Dr Webber."

"There's no choice. We can't do a back procedure. That's the only chance we have of saving the patient's spine. You only get one shot, Shepherd. Just one… Do your best!"

Amelia nodded. She didn't feel quite confident she could pull that off. But well, there was no trying, there was only doing.

"Well, then we all agree. Let's start… I will prep the OR 1 for you." Richard concluded.

* * *

 **A/N** : What's hard to write in GA? I don't think it's the characters or the dialogues. I think it's the medical mambo jumbo. That's when english kicks Miggy's ass royally. I'm among these writers who really like when the story remains in the Original Universe. If it's medieval we will go medieval...something like that. There's no GA without the medical cases. But the medical cases, well it's hard. 85% is nonsense. 15% is research. I'm used to do research for all my stories but it's the first time, the research results are quite impossible to translate in human talk if you don't have a M.D license. If english is not your maternal language, it's another big problem. So I'm here wondering if each chapters will be okay, if you will like it, if you will understand what's happening, if the characters will remained credible. I'm crossing fingers each time. I have a new appreciation for the medical consultant who does this on Grey. It's a remarkable job. Thanks for your support **Faith, Beth, Patsy, Jax, Karen and Sara**!


	28. Rude Awakening

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the licensed characters. I acknowledged that only ABC and Shondaland are free to do what they want with them. I also acknowledged that I shouldn't complain about it.

-28-

Rude Awakening

It was the powerful smell of coffee that definitely woke him up. Jackson was startled awake, his heart racing for no reason. He looked up at the bag of IV inserted in his arm. He straightened slowly on crisp white sheets as light glared through the blinds.

"Welcome back to the land of the sober people with equally crappy life."

"Karev?" He grunted as he struggled to open his eyes.

"Man, you're good?" Alex asked, slumped ungracefully in the elegant armchair of the VIP private room, his feet on a white coffee table, flicking through the pages of a GQ. You could say it was an upgrade from Meredith's room on the lower floor

"What am I doing here?"

"You're asking me?"

"Well…"

"Don't be fooled! I am only here because of the comfortable armchair, and the continental breakfast they served." Alex said, flicking another page.

Jackson looked around. On the coffee table, a mug filled with freshly brewed coffee was awaiting but there was no trace of a continental breakfast anywhere. Too bad he could really eat something to counter the metallic taste in his mouth.

"It was delicious and everything I had heard it would be by the way."

He quirked his eyebrows in confusion.

"You're serious?"

"Are you? You really ditched work to go drink yourself to death?" Karev retorted flipping another page.

"That's not what… happened."

"And I thought you were smart? You were Sloane's guy when I couldn't be Sloane's guy!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Is this what you want? Because man, I saw a fair share of crappy reckless behaviors yesterday, I can tell you. I even put in an effort to participate in the crap fest myself but your participation shut us all poor mortals down."

"You're an ass, Alex. You know that? "

"Yup. But I'm the only ass you got right now. It's not like you always seemed to crawl with friends."

"Half my friends are dead!"

"Well, welcome to the club! You're not the only one to have lost people around here!"

"I haven't lost people. I lost…"

"Yes, you did. You lost your son. You lost your family. But what are you doing right now to make it up to your son? To patch things up with April? Are you searching for a cure? Are you saving more lives? Are you making sure April knows you love her like the complete idiot you are? No, you're drinking yourself to the fucking grave! You're useless as you are right now. I'm telling you like it is. Next thing you know you will pack your stuffs and abandon your family and friends to follow that bottle around."

" Hey! That was a one-time thing. Don't do this… Act all almighty like it never happened to you… Karev… Because I know for a fact it did."

" I'm not the kind you fool, Avery! That was not a one-time thing. Saw your charts. Read between the lines… When did it start… You have a problem if you can't see where all this is leading you."

"Are you for real ? You're gonna get on my case for this? You act like my mom… Like it's the end of things if Jackson does not act accordingly to the plan!"

"What plan?"

"You know if I'm not perfect… and…"

"I'm not your mom, Man. If I was your mom, as ridiculous as it may sound, two things may have happened already. First, you would not be sleeping in a VIP hospital room, with furniture and amenities worth of a four stars hotel; getting pampered and cared for, you'd be sleeping next to the trash. Second, I'd probably had bashed your head in it, I mean the trash, just for good measure. And yes I drink at times but never during working hours because guess what? I am not that stupid…"

" You're finished?"

"I am." Alex flicked through another page and sipped on his coffee.

"April left me."

"Tough isn't it, she was quicker than you. Last time we talked you were considering leaving town anyway. "

" That's not…"

"What is it you want, Jackson? Someone just asked me that? And that was a valid question! And it helped! So…. I'm asking you now… what is it you want? "

"I don't know."

"That someone also said to figure it out. Guess what you have to do?"

Jackson sighed, dropping his shoulder low.

"Where's April?"

Both men turned to the door at the same time as Catherine came in.

"Mom…"

Catherine grabbed the foot of his bed for support, looking like both Jackson and Alex's worst nightmare.

"Where is she?"

"What?"

"I tried to call her 27 times and she never called back. Why? What did you do to her?"

Alex raised an eyebrow at that. That was probably a conversation he was not supposed to witness.

"You sit down Alex Karev."

Well, it was not like he had anywhere to go at the present. He left earlier to run an errand of sorts. He did his morning rounds already. Though, he shrugged to show he didn't have to obey Jackson's mom, he sat down without as much as a protest.

" Mom…"

"What did I ever do to you, Jackson?"

"Nothing."

"I know, right? I did nothing to deserve this humiliation. My son… My only child, a surgeon, a board member, missing work to get drunk… I give lessons all day to all kind of stupid people doing stupid things… And you do this behind my back… Do you hate me?"

"No."

She pointed a warning finger in his face.

"You better not… because I raised you and I got no help from anybody… I did it on my own… And you should have known better! I raised you to be better than this… So be better than this already, Jackson! Be better!" She finished in a scream.

Alex smiled. He had been wrong. Catherine Avery was one badass mother.

"Mom!"

"What?"

"April left me. She wants a divorce."

"Find her. She is just upset. I will talk to her. We will fix it together!"

"There's no fixing this! I'm trying to tell all of you and you won't listen! There's no fixing this. She dumped me and she left. That's the end of the story."

Catherine felt a headache coming. She shook her head slowly.

"Oh don't do that to me, Jackson! Don't … be this…weak… Don't be like him! Don't be a coward like your father! Act like a man! Take responsibility for your actions! Be a man!"

"Dr Avery…" Alex intervened.

No man liked to have this kind of conversation in front of an audience. Jackson was glaring at his mother in resentment. Catherine continued on the same tone. But Alex somehow knew this story was just about to hit major proportions.

" Baby, there's always a way to fix things, please! Things do not always work out but you need to keep going… keep trying! That's what life is about!"

"Samuel is dead! There's nothing left to fix Mother! My son is dead and my wife is gone. You talk to me about fixing things… as if you did fix anything in your life! My dad split… The only cue I have he is alive… and probably doing well for himself… somewhere… are the checks I see you doing regularly to him… Tell me mother! Did you ever patch things up with him? No, you did not. At the first occasion, you dropped the ball. You'd rather jumped the bones of your young intern which ironically enough was my best friend… my only friend and you managed to drive him away. Did you fix things with him anyway? Is that why he's here? What? It's not doing well with Richard. So you decide to take a trip down memory lane and spread it again for him."

The slap resounded in the room, loud as a clap. It had been an open-handed smack. She had left the perfect print of her hand on the side of his face and her ring cut superficially the corner of his upper lips, drawing an angry red line. Alex, just like Jackson was momentarily left too stunned to speak. Catherine took a few steps back, her eyes watering, hands shivering. She leaned to the bed for support.

"Mom…"

Gathering some air in her lungs as a survival measure, she held her head high as she walked away.

"Mom! " He shouted after her.

Alex finally stood up with a sigh. Well, that turned ugly quick.

"I didn't mean it that way."

Alex nodded dejectedly. He had never seen Catherine Avery like this. He patted Jackson softly on his back.

" I…"

"Yes, if that doesn't need fixing I don't know… And there was no breakfast, man. Sorry about that!"

Catherine did not know where to go. She wiped any traces of tears from her eyes at the first corner. She kept her hands purposefully in her pockets. She needed to go somewhere… Where? She looked around her. The elevator… That was it… She walked toward the elevator.

"Oh Catherine! Catherine? "

Catherine turned to see Miranda, Meredith, Warren and Stephanie. Miranda came

"You will be happy to know that we could as a Team come to a diagnosis for Mrs Pollard… because you see we can work as a team. We are professional like that. We welcome any help in the interests of our patient, because saving people is what's important to us…" She said with a fake smile.

"That's… It's very well, Miranda. I was not expecting any less from you guys."

"Don't you want to know what it is? What she have?" Miranda asked.

"Well, I'm sure whatever you will decide will be in the patient's greatest interests? Where is my husband? Where is… Richard?"

"Oh he went to prep the OR 1 with Maggie. "

"Oh! Wonderful! I need too… I was about to… I have things to do. I will see you all later."

Catherine changed her course going for the stairways instead.

"Well, that was odd." Meredith said.

"No, that went well. " Miranda replied with a smirk.

"If you will excuse me, I have something I need to discuss with Dr Avery."

Warren said as he followed behind Catherine. He caught up with her before she reached the last flight of stairs to the lower floor.

"Where are you going?" He called after her from the top.

"Out… Somewhere… In my office… I mean…In Richard's office…"

He grabbed her arm before she could leave.

" Amb… Please let me go…"

"What happened?"

She turned to face him, tears ruining her perfect face full of make-up.

"I don't need this. I can't always be doing this, the same mistake… All the time… I did something to his father… for him to hate me… I did the same to Jackson… to you… And now to Richard… I'm being unfair. I'm destroying things instead of fixing them. I'm so sorry. I don't know any other way."

"You had no choice."

"I had a choice. You did not… Maybe I did not leave you any choice… So I'm paying the price now."

"You thought you were taking the right decision for him… For your son. That was okay. For me it was okay."

"I did love you."

"I know."

He took the last steps to get closer.

"I wanted you to grow away from me. I didn't want anyone to take your career away from you. I know it is a strange thing to say… But you were my baby too… I knew you'd be great. You are great at this. This is where you strive… Where you excelled… You were born for this… I shouldn't have called you…"

"Catherine…"

"I'm sorry I called you. I didn't know who to call… When I cannot fix things on my own I call you. It's selfish and inappropriate on so many levels. I should have known better. But it's how I think… I think only you may help… may understand what I want and what I need… And you're here… You are my…"

"I know. When I needed help, you were there for me. You are always there for me too. We're there for each other. We may have failed at a lot of things but this… Well, it works."

"I kicked you in the joint and almost burned that boat."

"Among other things… Well, it got me back on the job. The boat is still there though."

"That boat is… cursed, Darling."

" You tell me?" He teased.

"Get rid of it!" Catherine screamed in frustration.

Why they never listened to her was beyond her!

"I can't."

" Did you manage to forget that horrible woman at least ?"

"No."

"Warren…"

"I like messy and complicated. It speaks to me. Look at us… Just messy and complicated…"

"I know. Oh don't I know it?!"

He lowered his eyes to the floor; there was a sudden hint of naivety in his eyes, a remnant of his childhood. Something he let rarely people see…

" Catherine, you were right all along. I hated it… listening to you back then… and Jackson is probably the same. But well, you were right. It was a good decision. And… Richard is really great by the way."

Catherine offered him a rare smile.

"He is… He is wonderful."

"He makes you happy."

"He does…"

" Jackson will be alright but maybe… just maybe telling him the truth would help."

Catherine shook her head.

"That his father was a selfish drunk and a violent cheating bastard, a constantly unsatisfied whiny slime of a human being, I had to pay off to leave me alone. That he threatened to burn my career and yours just for being with me…and making me happy… And that his grandfather, The great Dr Avery, was prepared to let his son do that to me going as far as threatening to keep my son away from me if I couldn't fix my "little problems"... if, I quote, "could keep my legs shut and get back to being a mother and a wife." No, he doesn't need to hear that. His grandfather is his hero and it needs to always stay that way. I worked hard for this… this level of recognition… This is my work. My dedication as a mother and as a surgeon… Even though it doesn't have my name on it, the Avery foundation is mine and my son's legacy. I know he is not ready… He is… broken… He is depressed… and… I slapped him."

"You did?"

She nodded apologetically.

"You do get violent at times..." He snickered. "I knew it would be a problem someday!"

"It's not funny. I shouldn't have raised my hand on him. I never...ever… "

Warren patted her shoulder softly and she leaned against him.

" Well, it's done. He will move past it."

" What if he doesn't… Why can't I do this?"

" Why must you always do this to yourself? You're a good mother. He is grown. I am grown. "

"Nonsense, he's just the same oversensitive little boy and you're just the same. I saw you look at Meredith Grey."

He didn't even try to deny it.

"Yes… I do look at her. She is someone very pretty to look at. "

He looked up half-amused to see Meredith stare back at him from the top of the stairs.

"What did I just said?"

"I'm teasing you."

"I'm not even worried about you, Ambesa. I know you. I know how to recognize troubles in your eyes. Isn't it poetic? You think I don't know what is happening in your clinic since my beloved friend, Beckett died. I know they won't be able to sustain your interest any longer. It's not about the money… It's not about the power… It's about the medicine. It's about the challenges. It's about the freedom. It's about keeping your little head busy. You will be slipping…"

"I'm fine. I was fine before I came to see you."

"You were fine? It's been forever since you've been fine, sweetheart. If you were, why would you be keeping your practice closed?"

"I like to be able to concentrate on one thing."

Catherine scoffed at this blatant lie. Acknowledging her presence, Warren nodded quickly in Meredith's direction. Meredith offered a silent wink of understanding before quietly departing. She had seen enough without seeing him completely naked before her. She felt satisfied and it didn't feel as one sided now that she knew something valuable about him.

"Catherine…"

Warren watched Meredith leave the spot, his eyes back to their neutral shadow.

"You won't… You will fight it… And you will get back to your bad habits… I bet you're already thinking about it… You will be drifting soon… And then… He will call me… He always calls me… or they do it… They get ungrateful in the meantime… They get worried… They make it worse… Because you're their rock and if you're drifting, god forbid you do, they will all be drifting… back to the darkness and what Africa…What Home means to all of you…"

"Stop…"

"Maybe they will even call that girl… Maybe she will come and you will want her again the same unreasonable way you've always wanted her… Then you will feel guilty and you will want to end it again… Back to square one it will be…. Or maybe if we are lucky you will find another one, damaged just like you, to make excuses for you… I'm telling you, baby, Meredith Grey is not that person. She can't be that person."

"You're being…"

"What? Insensitive? Mean? Overprotective? Right on this? You need to work. You need to be challenged. You need to be stimulated… That's how it works for you."

"And this is the place? Are you kidding me?"

"You stayed … Because you got curious… Something is pulling you in… so stop lying to yourself! I'm not worried about you darling because I've got you, I've always got you."

"Then trust Jackson! He is the one you should trust! Not me! You shouldn't be trusting me… Catherine… I don't deserve it… But you believe in me even when everything goes against me… Why can't you do that for Jackson?"

"It's not the same. You're resourceful."

"You have to trust Jackson. He is resourceful too. He will find a way. He is not his father. You raised him better than that. We did."

Catherine smiled at last, patting his cheek softly.

"Yes, we did. But… I'm simply too scared to lose him."


	29. Mending Bridges and

**Disclaimer** : Not all mine. Read earlier chapters for further instructions.

 **A/N:** I will be brief, short on time. Thanks to all the readers, especially to the one that support the story through their comments and their dedication!

-29-

Mending Bridges and walking on burning ashes

Maggie Pierce didn't know exactly when it started. She was young she supposed. How old exactly? She had no idea. But along with the discovery that she understood things quicker than the other kids and that learning was subsequently easier for her, came the realization that she was different and didn't exactly belong there. It was not her parents' faults. They did everything by the book if there was ever a book for such things. They waited that she got old enough to sit her down and have that conversation where they explained how they actually got a daughter. They told her how much they had wanted her in their life and that it made no difference where she came from in their eyes. They told her she would always be their daughter no matter what she chose to do with this little piece of information. More than anything they told her she was loved.

She never told this to anyone before but by the time they told her all these, she had already known for years. She used to grab her earth globe toy on her desk and lay flat on her princess bed and play at "Where real Mom's at?" She never knew what convinced her so early on that she had been exchanged or traded at birth. Her parents, like she said, they tried. They did their best. She must have been eight when they had the talk. And somewhere when she was 12, she almost died from an unpredictable asthma crisis triggered by an allergy to pollen. She fell into a coma for three days but miraculously recovered fully. But her mom had been so spooked by the whole ordeal she took them an appointment to Mass Gen to be part of a trial on a very innovative procedure at the time, genetic history mapping, a trial that was led by the doctor Ellis Grey. Well, you got it…

For six months, during which she had to pass a battery of exams, she got to be with her biological mother without even knowing it. Wasn't life ironical somehow? She had searched for her in every country of her earth globe toy and imagined her in all kind of situations but… she never thought that all this time she'd been staying four blocks from their house, just under their nose. Still at that time, neither she nor her parents had any idea who Ellis Grey was. Ellis never said anything and her parents were very impressed with her competences.

Now, Maggie would never know if she actually knew. Could you give birth to a child and not recognize it years later? Could you? She had no idea. She didn't know what to think. Would it be better if she knew indeed? Would it make a difference? Ellis never asked any questions, never seemed overly concerned or troubled. If it wasn't for the pictures she found later, Maggie wouldn't have remembered what she actually looked like. She remembered talking of school with her, telling her how she was probably going to finish junior high and start high school the following year. Ellis simply patted her head and said that she had a daughter who was a sophomore in high school.

"She listens to awful music all day, dresses in black, and dates ignorant boys. Don't you ever start this trend, Maggie. You seemed like a sweet and smart little girl. My girl was just like you at one time. So be good to your parents."

Now she knew Ellis was probably talking about Meredith. But the question remained to this day and it bothered her to admit that she was still hung on this after all these years. Did Ellis knew? She looked at her genetic history for god's sake. She must have…

Well, it was not like it matters now that she was dead. She couldn't ask questions. She couldn't answer questions. There were not a lot of things they could learn from each other. She looked around her and sighed as she dropped the last box of surgery kit on the prep table. Richard was carrying a box of water bottles.

Until a few years ago, Ellis Grey was essentially for her mother the woman who told her Maggie had a genetic predisposition to Alzheimer's disease and who gave Maggie the inspiration to be a surgeon. Maggie even admitted it was partly true.

But it had taken years of support group and therapy to understand that there was one piece of the puzzle that was still missing. Her parents did not know how much it affected her and she really didn't want to burden them with her problem. But well, these things, she couldn't move on from.

"You did very well, Pierce!" Richard Webber said.

She immediately got out of her contemplation. They were in OR1 inventorying the surgery kits and the equipment necessary for the Pollard Surgery. When Maggie came to Seattle, Maggie didn't find her mother but she certainly found her father. And what did they do in two years? Well, a lot of scramble around, nothing very concrete, they went for coffee once or twice, he got married, she was invited to the party. They see each other every day at work. He was her boss now. But still, she felt like they had not made it very far in the lapse of time. Did she ever get that piece of puzzle back? Not really… Did she decide to leave the puzzle alone as a result? Well, no… She was still hanging in there.

"I feel drained and more like a hot mess. Cancer, I didn't see that coming." She sat down on a stool next to the surgical table and stared ahead.

"Sometimes, it takes an awful event to reveal the extent of a trauma."

Maggie nodded.

"You seemed preoccupied." Richard asked again.

"No, it's just… It's been two long days. I didn't get to sleep as much as I'm used to. This case is like a rollercoaster and I'm crashing and climbing again. It's exhilarating and exhausting. It's like I'm overdosing or something. I'm so busy taking all the information given to us and processing it in. Things sometimes go so fast."

Richard stared at her, tilting his head at an angle. Maggie felt a bit embarrassed.

"Well, I admit that the way I put it sounded quite dramatic. Don't mind me! I'm a nutcase when I don't sleep... even when I sleep to be fair..."

"No, no… It's a way to see things. I've been doing this job for so long I'm seldom surprised at anything anymore. It's a problem."

"You certainly seemed shocked and subsequently very angry at Mer for pulling that stunt yesterday not that I could blame you. But I thought that was your "You're grounded for life" voice right there and that even I was going to get it... I was a bit taken aback by that. "

"Well, it's the chief's job… It's a bit like being… " Richard stopped right there, thoughtful.

He never finished that thought.

"Yes, a lot of people will want the job but not many can actually do it. It's the chief's job." He continued.

"I'm not sure I have it in me."

"You're still young, you will see along the way. You have some of the qualities, sure. I can see it. You're stubborn but not too much… So much like Ellis… But, you're also practical to a fault, sensitive to the situation, bossy at times… but ultimately a team player. They are qualities… a chief needs."

" I always thought it was Ellis… Her influence… Her genes that made me like this…but… the more I see you being the Chief… being a doctor… The more I feel close to you… like I got this all from you..." She laughed.

"Who knows?" Richard mused.

Maggie turned to face him.

"We never went for another coffee after that last one a month ago."

"Actually, I didn't know if you wanted… Last time, you didn't seem happy…"

" I know it was a bit of a disaster… I was a bit harsh… that day… Probably often in our case… I just didn't know what to expect and… Still don't know what I was expecting… Not this…"

Richard frowned.

"Not in that way… Sorry, you're… you're great… Meredith is… Well, she is a trip. She is a whole ²journey... But I'm starting to think it's all a good thing. There are things in you guys that I like, that mirrored the things I could never explain about myself. That's probably why I was not expecting this… I didn't think I would find a sister and… a father… and when you say last time we had coffee that you and your wife Adele you wanted children. It made me sad somehow… because the story was no longer so simple and linear. It was not just that you didn't want me… I guess… You had told me that before... But I guess it particularly strike me then!"

"If I had known… If your mother had told me…"

"I know… Things may have been different… but in which way? And it was more than that… It was way more complicated than that. I thought all the time about my biological parents, what they'd look like, what they did for a living, why they did what they did… I never had imagined this scenario. I was quite unprepared for it."

"I'm sorry. I really don't know what to say to you. I know how to be a surgeon. I know how to be a chief… I don't really know how to be a good husband… but I try… Being a father, it is new to me… I'm all willing to try. What scares me is it's probably not what you're asking for… You already have a father. So sometimes I don't know what I could teach you… what I could tell you… "

"Well, I don't know about that either. But I think I had time to process things and… sort them out… I would like it if we could… I mean that'd be nice if we could do things together on more or less a weekly basis. If I could call you… sometimes when I'm in a chatty mood… which is way more often than you may think… You could call me too… I know you have your life and I don't really want to be a bother… A big burden… But that'd be nice if we could learn more about each other and just be... Don't know… It's just a thought."

Richard's face lit at this prospect. This was something he always wanted but was really unsure how to tackle the issue with her. Richard admitted with anyone that would listen that if he genuinely thought being chief was in many ways much like being a dad. He knew better than underestimate the gap and differences between the two functions. As much as he wanted to be a dad to Maggie, he felt like it would be disrespectful to the people who raised her into being this fine and accomplished young woman. He couldn't help comparing this to Meredith's days as an intern. How he tried to look out for her to the point of being overbearing and unnecessarily harsh on her! He didn't want to make the same mistake. That's why he vowed to keep the appropriate distance for as long as Maggie needed it. The fact she was reconsidering their relationship made him well…

"Nothing will make me happier! Say Saturday? Breakfast? I know a place not far from the ferry port. They do some of the best pancakes I've ever eaten."

"I'd love to."

She nodded again with a smile and was about to leave the room.

"And Maggie… You will never be a burden. You're my daughter. I know I'm not your father. Your father is probably a great man. But you're my daughter. We don't know much about each other but you're family to me. Yesterday, when I yelled at Meredith… and the same way I yelled at you… It wasn't the chief speaking… It was because I was worried… for my family."

"Thanks... Richard." She whispered.

She hesitated since calling him dad sounded a bit weird somehow but well she appreciated the baby steps effort. There were a lot of those these past few weeks and she realized that Meredith and Richard may very well be the pieces of the puzzle that was missing. New friends… New family… Whatever this was, like she told Meredith, she wanted to cling to it and just cherish it a little longer.

He had spent another hour after ending the call with Warren reading his emails, reviewing other patient status on the clinic app, and updating his status on social media. His priority had always been on staying connected to the world around him one way or another. Why?

Let's just say, that for him, that was a challenge. Like he told Vika last night, he got better than her at faking it. Somehow it was because of this, a part of him wanted to get rid of Vika so adamantly. That constantly processing part of his brain saw her like something akin to a threat to its balance. She knew too much because in many ways they were alike. In many ways, her behavior patterns mirrored his most secret compulsions. But he just got better at faking it... Gone was Kyle the socially awkward kid, gone was the kid who could spend hours looking through his telescope to the point he would forget to go home. That kid was gone. The nerd became a jock, he became a star on social media… A personality in his field... good with people... good with other people's kids. He became a do-gooder and people admire him for it. He was not sure Vika could understand this. He couldn't change who he was, that he understood a long time ago, but changing the way people perceive you was rather easy in these days of modern technology.

He sat down a mug of expresso on the desk next to him and a mechanic arm added automatically the sugar. It was built to retract under the desk and that's what it did with a stirring metallic noise. The robot had a slight delay in response of approximately 0.19 seconds, which made any motion it made quite jerky and slow at times. This he built when he was 8. The lag came from the time his father sent it flying against his bedroom wall in retaliation for Kyle behaving inappropriately during a tribe council, thus humiliating their entire family. What did he do exactly ? He just asked too many questions to the Medicine man on the protocol he used on his grandma as she lay home dying from a lymphoma. From there, well, things were bound to happen. As a consequence, he never repaired the lag or built a new robot after that. He simply decided to change his main hobby and dived in the sweet world of Internal medicine for the next decades after that. He did study robotic in Japan but this was mainly as a diversion as he had to be outside of the US for a while.

To gain some level of comprehension on Kyle Yeahquo, you had multiple layers to take off before you got to the core of anything. Since a grain of salt was never just a grain of salt. He was born a nokoni… in more common english, a Comanche. From there, you could go honestly anywhere.

Fingers pressed in silent contemplation, Kyle leaned back in his seat and stared at that glucagonoma hidden in the folds of an enlarged pancreas, in a chest riddled with trauma wounds. There was beauty in nature. At least, his father managed to teach him that.

With one hand on his tablet, Kyle tweeted something idiotic back to one of his followers. There was no letting his competitive and thrill-seeking personality alone defined what kind of surgeon he wanted to be. He wanted to be close to the people. He took a moment to consult the list of patients who requesting for an appointment with him: One from Australia… Two from India… Five from China… six Canadians… Two French… Thirty-eight Fellow Americans… He rapidly skimmed through his email box with precision.

Dead… Dead… Dead… Really Dead…Any Joe could do this one... A walking dead again… On life support… A Possible Walking dead again… Three years top of glorious agony then Dead... A Dead kid… A dead grandmother… A dead ski champion… A dead mother of eight… A dead fellow doctor… Another Walking dead… On life support… and dead without an open casket… He hesitated on the last of the pile. That one looked nice and healthy on her picture. The girl had a bright open smile and very blue eyes that looked straight at the camera lens under her baseball cap. She was standing next to an older woman and two men, he guessed at their gestures was her parents and her boyfriend. A date was written on the other side of the picture, probably an old birthday picture. It was not unusual that people send him personal family photos. On his book on how to get into any experimental trial, for the terminally-ill and their family, he advises his readers to always send memorabilia, pictures, written letters from the patient, exposing his accomplishments, his goals, anything that could trigger an emotional response from the surgeon. In that, social media could also be a big help to them. If your surgeon was active on those, you could check his likes, his hobbies... If he likes baseball for example, well, try sending him a picture of your sick daughter in baseball tees at a game. It will trigger his own memories of when he used to go to the game with his father. If he has children... It will be more or less the same. It will trigger memory of him and his child. It's even better for empathy. It always works.

She was 22 and that means she was practically Sage's age. He knew it should trigger something but well... It didn't really. But he kept in mind that little piece of information somewhere because at least he owed that girl that. On that picture she looked sixteen, naivety still showing in her eyes. The photo probably had been taken at a time where she was probably still thinking of boyfriends, parties and college probably in that order, without having really experienced the world. Cancer often does that to people. Sure, say you were lucky... Well, sort of lucky... You could get diagnosed when it all started at the beginning and you learned to live with it and it becomes your fight and… you swore on everything that you hold dear that the cancer won't become you and it never does... Because someone swiped in to kick out the uninvited bastard out of your body... and your statement becomes true and you indeed manage to have a life after. Best outcome here.

Sometime it just wasn't slow in the sense that it suddenly revealed itself to you, though it just say hi in a big way only recently, we're talking nosebleeds, headaches, a cold that turned into a pneumonia, though it was only saying hi now, the bastard's been following you for a long time, to the point, it knew all your bad habits and reveled in them. Although your oncologist tried to keep a straight face, while trying to explain in which category of cancer survivors you may probably stand in , if you ever got to say you beat this thing, well, inside, he was silently screaming in horror because he knew… that there won't ever be such outcomes. Only persons that would be holding the cancer survivor award would be your family. Having invaded every parcel of your body… Your cancer will be just content to lie there until you kicked the bucket. There would be no fight. It was already there. That cancer already owned you. You were already on life support. Even if you didn't sign that DNR, no extraordinary measures would be taken to resuscitate you, since keeping you alive would mean allowing your body to experience the most agonizing pain there is, a pain so bad painkillers were basically useless… And this would constitute torture, and doctors don't torture people… because they tend to like sleeping at night when they can.

He opened the girl's medical file in the attached files, skimmed over to the telling part and closed it almost immediately half way through. Oh looks could be quite deceiving! She was another walking dead. She probably was already dead as he was reading this email.

Kyle looked at the date stamp on the side of the mail in confirmation. It had been sent five months ago. Through a quick research, he found her Youtube tribute for a girl that oddly looked like her and had the same first name. He read a rapid eulogy some friends had posted for her in the comment section. She was Sage's age is all he would remembered from all of this. He refused to learn all their names. Tomorrow he would have forgotten about her.

He looked at the 18 525 mails left unopened in his box. He had to extend this thing again or he will be stuck with warning messages on his other devices about his mailbox being flooded. He closed down the window and wiped his face in exhaustion. Jordan was alive. Jordan Jenkins, well he was still alive. He remembered his name. Even if tomorrow it probably won't matter. He was still alive.

After shutting down his computer, he stood to leave the room. On his way out, he looked at the left wall that held shelves of awards and diplomas. Inside a black frame, on a simple piece of paper, was the only rule he would never break.

 _Rule n°1._

 _The only one that matters…_

 _Most of the time, you can't save everyone._

 _Some days you can't save anyone._

 _One day, well, you might just be able to save someone._

 _That's all you can do. That's all you need to do._

Then Kyle went downstairs only to be surprised by the noise coming from the Home Theater. He opened the doors slowly. Vika turned to shush him out.

"You're making too much noise. I can't hear the dialogues."

"I thought you went home."

"You said something about Bruce Lee. What can I say? That man just pushes all kinds of naughty buttons inside me. "

"I see… That explains a lot of things."

He looked at her half amused half wary of her. He slowly got closer. He turned to the screen. She was watching a 1971 movie from the Master, the Big boss, in mandarin with subtitles. Her hair was still moist from the shower smelled like fresh rain. She was back in her skinny leather pants. Although he noticed she stole another one of his tee-shirt. She was completely stretched across the couch her bare feet on the coffee table.

"You speak mandarin?"

He sat down next to her. She looked so focused on what was happening in the movie. She even whispered the dialogue in English when she remembered it. She may have realized he had asked her a question since she turned to look at him after a while.

"Nope, not a word. But it's funnier that way… I made popcorn. Want some?"

She handed him the bowl.

"It's like eleven in the morning…"

"I put extra butter on it so that it could be extra healthy, Sir. What else would you want from me?" She pouted.

His face broke into a smile.

"You will be killing me."

She shrugged with a wicked smile. Maybe that was her intent all along. She shifted to lean on his shoulder.

"What is Warren doing?"

"Working."

"I know that. On what?"

"A surgical cytoreduction of a Glucagonoma… followed by a surgical salvage of a partial pancreatic allograft thrombosis … "

He saw her blink twice and she turned to him.

"You did one on Major White…Who's doing this?"

"You read my stuff…"

She shrugged again nonchalantly. It didn't seem important enough to deny it, but at the same time, it didn't seem like she should elaborate on that with him. He was already so arrogant.

"Who?"

"He is in Seattle Grey-Sloan Memorial..."

"The Graveyard..."

"...Of Great Spirits... Yes... That's a dangerous place to be."

"That's an exciting place to be. If there's a god, he probably hates this place as much as the rest of the medical world... That's why he's trying to kill every doctor in there. Especially the good ones..."

Kyle burst into laughing.

"What's that?"

"Didn't you hear this urban legend? Some say it's ruled by the seven...henchmen of the Devil... Some say it's built on a cemetery..."

"Let me guess... of the indian variety."

"Yes, your people are everywhere."

"I guess we were here longer than you for sure."

"That's not difficult I'm an immigrant. Everybody was here longer than me."

"Anyway he is doing all this on a GSW trauma patient with one bullet still lodged next to her spine. The woman had also been in a car crash but I don't see a point in saying that. I bet you're already in cheerleader mode."

"I smell jealousy."

"I'm just saying… I can see the shining stars in your eyes, right now. It's disgusting!"

She spread her arms in the air.

"Give me a S, a H, a I, aT for Shit! He always has the best case!"

She shifted position to lean against him on her knees.

"Thanks! "

"You do your best but you're not Warren. He is in his own league. He is like…"

"Bruce Lee…"

"Yes… Just like Bruce Lee… He is the real Big Boss… But that thing you did back there… You're good with those fingers, Dr Kyle Yeahquo. You're in Major league too. Just not the same… But in Major league nonetheless…"

"The thing I did when?"

"You know… Don't make say it!" She teased.

He knew she was purposely teasing him talking about the surgery earlier, but he also got the double entendre and allowed himself to feel some kind of male pride.

"I feel just a little bit better."

She started to giggle uncontrollably and force fed him some popcorn.

Maggie entered Meredith's room somewhere around nine. Meredith was just putting her phone down after having a long conversation with Cristina. See, Cristina was in trouble and Meredith could swear she had seen this drama coming. She never like people named Jo to begin with. These people were obviously not meant to date, ask Alex. They certainly should never be allowed to...

Though she doubted that what Cristina had with her Jo was something close to a date. She knew Cristina. Sometimes, she just needed a man in her bedroom like another woman needed a new pair of shoes. But this man was dangerous in some aspect, since she could see his screwed-up brain was mentally sexing up Cristina in all the ways that mattered. They didn't mention Owen at least once in that conversation. And though she was not fan of this topic, his absence in a conversation could only mean bad news. She didn't know what to say to Cristina.

Honestly, her friend was probably having a worse day than her, having received flowers with a blank note, having done the walk of shame, making it late to work, just to realize your indelicate lover already made himself at home on your turf. This was the stuff nightmares were made of. They discussed vaguely about Meredith's own day. She told Cristina she was on a big surgery but she said nothing about the car accident. She said nothing about Warren. She didn't know exactly why she eluded the subjects. The accident, it was easy she didn't want to make her worry. Alex had already been on her case and she learned her lessons. A New day. A New Meredith.

On Warren...

It was not out of guilt or anything.

First, she simply didn't want to explain how they met. For all she knew without this accident he could have been already on his merry way home. He stayed probably to please Catherine and out of curiosity for the case. And they flirted. That's all. She didn't feel like they did anything wrong. It was all flirts and teases. It came easy to them. It was fun and refreshing. It was probably just a game to him, a reflex. He looked like the kind of man who never lacks the company. Maybe she didn't want to make a big deal of it. In the midst of her grief, it was probably the only thing she did, that and surgery, that she discovered didn't necessarily induced Derek-related thoughts. It reminded her of the way things were before she met Derek. When she just pick out a good dress, let her hair down, and went for a drink she knew she wouldn't have to pay for. Well, sure she could afford her own drinks. Sure, she won't be back in a bar anytime soon. But the feeling of youth, this feeling she couldn't describe, as you made eye contact with someone and you feel there's already this chemistry thing establishing itself between the two of you, and you start to plan what you will like to do to him if you were caught in a storm with him. That brief crazy moment when you're seriously considering bringing him back home for the night. Not, that she will ever brought Warren home. She still didn't want complications. Nope, she never even thought about it anyway. She was a grown-up now. She was a mother. She had better things to do.

"You're still here?

Meredith slowly turned to Maggie, the expression on her face was that of serenity.

"You came here to find me."

"…Not really believing I would still find you here."

Meredith looked up. That was some kind of crazy logic.

"It's a nice room. It's quiet. There's cable TV. It's paid for… by the insurance company. What's not to like?"

"You're not watching tv." Maggie observed.

"It's the feeling that I could if I wanted to that matters. "

Meredith replied in typical twisted sisters' fashion while trying to repair vascularization on a beef liver.

"I see… You're prepping?"

"Well, my resident is about to go fulfill some kind of prophecy..."

"You mean she is about to take on a surgery bigger than her… bigger than all of us?"

"She is about to walk on water, yes."

"You're practicing saving her from drowning."

"So, I'm practicing saving her from drowning. Where's Bailey?" Meredith asked.

"She's doing stuffs like explaining the procedure to the rest of the surgical team. Richard really wanted her to do that."

"Good… Good… She would appear in charge then… and it will win her a few points in her imaginary war against Warren... I mean Dr Fresker."

"Warren… Imaginary?"

"I don't think he is aware she is at war with him. He is a bit preoccupied by… other things."

" Like…"

"Life…" Meredith muttered enigmatically.

"It's like watching an episode of Game of thrones. They all want the Chief Throne and they're willing to do whatever it takes. It's kind of exciting when you think about it. Don't tell me you don't want to steal the throne for your selfish desires and your darkest ambitions?"

"Hell no! I want to see my kids grow up! And that show is way too gloomy…"

"You said it was gloomy. You? Meredith?"

"I'm not all dark. I love sunshine too sometimes. I like love stories so I can mock them. I discovered lately that I love ER… I had so much free time being a lonely pregnant woman."

Maggie quirked an eyebrow at that.

"I know I use "lonely" in a complete sentence. ER is always so dramatic. It's so close to my life. But at the same time, they are a few nice endings. ER is the best. House is nice. He is really mean. He delightfully reminds me of Cristina. I like Nurse Jacky. She is crazy awesome."

"You love medical shows? I can't stand those."

"Yes, because it's freaking unreal what they make these people do."

Maggie nodded sitting down next to her.

"That's exactly why I can't stand those."

" But it's not all bad in ER. In Game of Thrones, someone always has to die by the time they ran the credits. There's no hope whatsoever at a happy ending. People also get raped way too much and there is not enough of severed penises on screen to my taste."

"What?"

"You won't understand. When I was a resident, a rape victim bit her rapist so hard she tore the man's penis off just like that. We had the same shoes. Only she was braver. Fate has it, it couldn't be saved. The penis. The girl recovered physically and psychologically afterwards just fine thanks to Derek. She went on and got married to a bearded husky lover she met during rehab. They move to the suburbs and they have four dogs. Back to the penis now... It couldn't be reattached and became accessory to murder or whatever... It served as a piece of evidence in the criminal case. I was the penis carrier for a day though until police took custody of it. We were all very happy to know not long ago that the man, who formerly owned the penis, was still and… still is rotting in jail as we speak. I know I am twisted but I need to know that after a storm there's a rainbow and… a sunshine…or… a couple of nice severed bloody penises in boxes. It's because meeting my husband basically ruined me for the rest of you... "

" What a piece of sisterly wisdom you just gave me, Mer! But I still love it, Game of thrones. It's a great allegory."

"With all the violence… I didn't peg you for the kind, Mrs Pierce."

" It's fantasy… with Dragons… It's like an answer to all my prayers as a teenager. For Halloween, three years ago, I dressed as Missandei. "

"Who?"

"You know Daenarys Targaryen's most trusted right-hand."

"You dressed as… a maid. That's your fantasy. That's even kinkier than I thought. Who are you? "

"Who are you? She is clever and very insightful. In addition, she is very loyal. Loyalty is important to me."

"Alright, so I learned today that my sister, just like my _toddler_ resident, is a fantasy nerd, a medical fantasy nerd at that. In fact she is a naughty nerd with a kinky fetish whose man crush is an oncologist named Yeahquo. "

"HahaHa! Very funny!" Maggie drew her phone like a weapon. "That, my dear child! That is Kyle Yeahquo's Instagram… Yes, if Dean is hot… This man is like boiling steam… Whatever… That there… is his bare chest… That's him with glasses… That's him smiling… and that's his resume."

Meredith looked up and swallowed hard.

"Oh is there a page where I can sign in for the fan club of… theMiracleMan… so I can receive naughty pictures just like you?"

"It's not naughty pictures. It's Instagram."

"What's that?"

"You don't know Instagram?"

Meredith shrugged.

"You don't have an Instagram?"

"Just answer this… Does this Instagram thing takes time and efforts?"

"Well…"

"You got your answer."

Maggie started laughing.

"I thing I got the move right. But it's not holding. It's so damn hard. I can't get it to hold. I acknowledge that your Man Crush is at least a genius with golden hands… for managing to do that and makes videos out of it for poor souls like us… There I got it! He is a genius but I'm good! I'm awesome! Hands up for me! You cancall me Mrs Miracle."

"You are… awesome, Penis Carrier!"

"I should never have told you. You have to tell me something embarrassing too…"

"Nope, my mouth is shut. Let me try too… So, I was thinking about something. It's a really ridiculous idea. Please don't laugh and don't get mad!"

"I'm already that kind of big sister?"

"You just criticized my #MCW, my Man Crush Wednesday!" Maggie pouted.

"But now I like him too… I want to do "whatever" to his pretty bones just like you. I'm a good sister. Say it!"

"Meredith? Let's stay focused."

"What? I'm being supportive of you jumping on some very muscular and criminally attractive bones. You can even put the pictures on naughty Instagram. I will watch… not judge… Maybe not… watch after all… But I'm "yay" behind you. Not physically behind you… Spiritually behind you."

"You are the worst and the best sister I have all at once."

" I like that, even knowing you don't have any other sister, right? It's very flattering still. "

"Indeed… So listen... I was wondering…"


	30. Try walking on water now

A/N: To **Sara, Patsy, Jax, Faith and Karen** , like for every chapter out, there's much to be thankful for. If I have one thing to say about it is keep it up too. I wanted to dedicate this chapter to **EbonyMoonlight** if she is still reading, dunno. Not too long ago, she reached out via PM to me on the subject of Bailey and Ben. At the time, I was unsure if Ben or the Warrens as a duo would make an appearance in the story as I was not too fond of their happy fluffy union I find boring on screen (IMO). But EbonyMoonlight convinced me that it was part of the show and a solid union had its merits. So I look into it, and I actually loved writing this chapter. Hope you all like it! As readers, you hold a certain amount of power although I always make the final call. You influenced my writings in some degrees and it is important to me to acknowledge it. Although I don't regret shutting down the trolls at all. #UnApologetic. I guess it's a lot about the way ideas are put, when people are still being respectful of other people's opinion, without having to put pressure on the other. So thanks for that.

-30-

Try walking on water now

The downside to becoming a doctor was that it was a very long process; a salty addition of pain, sweat and tears and X years of medical school and Y years of internship and Z years of residency and bazillion years of specialization. It was an uncertain path, a dangerous path, an unrewarding path most of the time. When you start that journey, you are down the food chain looking up in envy at all the top dogs competing against each other and a million things could actually go wrong before you get to the top of the stairs yourself, to the satisfying part, when you no longer have to ask yourself why am I doing this and is it the most efficient way to do it? From point A to point B, you get to explore yourself in ways you'd probably never ask for. And what do you say? Miracles do happen. On some rare but precious occasions, you finally get to be what you have trained almost all your life for.

But what is important here? Do you wanna go on this rather long journey alone? Well, if I was you, I'd rather not.

"Oh god! I hate her!"

Audrey Shaw, one of Stephanie's interns, said as she leaned against a wall, looking at the ceiling.

Her back hurts. She's been up since 5 a.m. Having only slept just a grand total of three hours, she spent a good part of the morning carrying urine samples to the lab. This insanity had to stop.

"Wilson?" Douglas asked as he sat down on a chair near her, his eyes showing equal signs of exhaustion. Shaw sat down with him.

"No, Edwards… But Wilson too… Come to think of it! I hate all of them. They are all so super mean and arrogant."

"I tend to agree." Isaac Douglas nodded.

"I'm beat but I like working with Wilson. She is pretty cool. " Andrew Deluca said as he sat next to them.

Audrey looked at him suspiciously. First, she didn't like to be interrupted when she ranted about her miserable life. Second, why didn't she see him coming, was he some sort of ninja? Third, since when Teacher's pet was friendly and chatty with them? Andrew caught her staring and frowned.

"What?"

"Sure you like her! They all kiss the ground you walk on like you're the last man on earth. It's easy for you to say…"

Andrew shook his head in denial and pretended to laugh it off.

"That's not true. They're on my back, same way as you."

"Last night, You and Wilson almost jumped at each other's clothes right there in front of the patient… and us."

"Yes, they completed each other's sentences. That was cute!" Isaac said.

"That's how you learn! That's how you do the job!"

"Yes, the additional sexing up the teacher is just a bonus." Shaw continued to tease.

"That's ridiculous… You think she was into me that way?" He asked Shaw in panic.

The brunet was delighted at his confusion, her smile turned wickeder.

"Look at him really thinking he's got a chance." Isaac snickered.

"I don't… She's got a boyfriend. He's an attending here."

"So you did ask…" Audrew noted again.

"No, I didn't ask her…"

"You did ask someone…" Isaac countered in between chuckles.

Shaw started to chuckle as well.

"So what? Your little club is just for a few selected chosen ones." Deluca retorted at their rude rebuttal of him.

"Don't take it the wrong way! These past few weeks, you were just doing your thing, being a superhero on your own, walking around here like a Calvin Klein ambassador, we didn't think you wanted to socialize with us, peasants." Audrey said.

"Peasants? Don't you think a little highly of yourself ? According to Medusa, we're more like the village idiots."

"Right. The village idiots."

"You guys… are truly something."

"Come to think of it? A Superhero? I'm tending more on the Prince Charming trope. It's because of the hair… I say… They're mostly chicks. They dig the Bieber Hair." Douglas continued.

"Wow! Oh ! I don't have Bieber Hair." Andrew shouted in indignation.

He was the first surprised by his own outburst and lowered his voice immediately.

"We're just teasing you. Your hair looks great, Scarlett… but if you want to be one of us… You have to say something bad and ridiculously mean on them… even if you don't mean it?"

"What are you, twelve?"

"See, a total boy scout. I bet he was born in a wealthy family... with Mom and Dad who have been married for 30 years at least… looking out for him. "

"They probably still call him Skippy or… something equally emasculating…" Douglas added.

"Edwards rolled on my case for lying that day… But she's been suspended twice. She's a hypocrite! Happy?"

"Welcome to the club!" Shaw said as she grabbed his hand and showed him their secret handshake. " You guys, go ahead! I have to carry those yucky urine samples to the lab."

"Where do we have to go? Wilson said something?"

"You didn't hear?"

"Edwards is scrubbing on a massive surgery with Grey and Shepherd. It's for that patient formally known as Jane Doe, the one who almost crashed a car in the hospital…"

Andrew's face lit with interest suddenly. He knew he would pay eventually to hang out with the outcasts.

"Really… Can't we scrub in? At least one of us…"

"Like we didn't ask, DumDum… No, she doesn't want interns interfering with the process. And the surgery is so complex; she won't have time to check that we don't do something stupid."

"That's…"

" I know! She is a bitch who never intends to teach us anything. She just wants us to stay mediocre like her." Shaw concluded.

"She said the gallery will be open though." Douglas explained. "But there's not enough seats, so we must go early!"

"I'm going to enjoy watching her drown in her own hubris." Shaw said with an ominous voice.

"What about watching to learn?" Andrew asked.

Both Douglas and Shaw looked at him like he was the picture illustrating naivety in the dictionary and they were the pretentious spawns of Maleficent.

"Nevermind."

Nina Simone- Feeling Good ( Bassnectar Remix)

She was going to have surgery in OR 1, Stephanie looked at the table in the OR from the gallery's bay windows. It was not that it was the first time. She scrubbed in there often in the past. But this was a surgery as much as Dr Grey's or Shepherd's. She was going to be one of the maestros… This was what she always wanted and she was going to have it just because she spoke up. She moved to the rhythm of an imaginary anthem. She could do this, she told herself. She left the gallery to go to the furniture room to gather a few things together. When she crossed the surgical floor, she stopped in front of the board. Oh god, she knew this was probably shallow. But her name was on first there with the names of the two attending. Her name was on the board. This was better than the first solo surgery. She made a couple of dance steps as soon as she found herself alone in the furniture room.

 _"To become a better surgeon, you have to build a certain mentality. You have to go beyond what you're currently capable of. You have to sacrifice your fears and doubts on the altar of your growing success. You have to feel it inside. You have to feel better to be better. You have to create your opportunities… create your chances. She will not give them to you. She will not let you shine. Nobody will do that for you. So my advice to you would be to help yourself become better… Forget about anything else. Forget about what she wants…"_

It's a new day and a new life and… She gave herself a full spin and froze when she noticed Jo sitting on a pile of boxes, tears streaming from her eyes. It was suddenly the ugliest of sights. All happy shiny feeling of joy brimming in her chest evaporated like water over a flame. Stephanie felt like she'd just been washed over. Jo's eyes were swollen and pink; the faintest grey smears ran along her pretty nose to her mouth and her chin. Stephanie hesitated on the threshold then she sat down next to her friend. Jo looked up and Stephanie offered her a reassuring smile and hugged her tight for a minute. Then she never knew who moved first, but she was surprised to find herself near the door again. What a good friend, she was right now. But she knew it was coming, Jo would start talking and then she will try to understand the situation, which will involve more talking. Stephanie didn't have time for this. She turned to Jo with a hesitant smile.

"I was just going to pick up a few things actually."

"You were right. You were so right. I was being an idiot! Alex is not cheating on me!"

Stephanie stopped again. She sighed.

"He is not?" She asked.

Not that she ever doubted Alex Karev! True, he was a jerk sometimes. But he really did seem in love with Jo she doubted he would do something so expected, so underhanded… At the same time, she did get dumped at a wedding like Jo reminded her. There was such thing as emotional cheating. Contrary to popular belief, she was not the most knowledgeable person on the subject.

"No, he didn't do anything. It's just me. It's my fault. He is unhappy because the house reminds him of things that happened during his childhood. So, he is acting that way because of his past. A past I really didn't know much about until last night. And he doesn't want to talk to me anymore so I cried almost all night. I know I'm useless."

"You told me you guys had talked about it. His past. Yours." Stephanie said, leaning against the door.

"We did but it was… Maybe… I did most of the talking. I don't know. Alex does not open up like that. I just know it wasn't easy for him growing up. But I'm not making up excuses, I met his father! That man was horribly mean to Alex. He went through hell with him. But even knowing this, I didn't know he had to fight so much… I didn't know about his siblings! I really didn't know! "

"I see…"

Jo could no longer stifle her sobs, her body was wracked by great heavy sobs.

"I'm so sorry. It's like I didn't see you were struggling either! I'm a bad friend and a bad girlfriend! I get all excited for nothing! I jumped to hasty conclusions! I don't know what to do!"

Stephanie felt her heart clench in her chest.

"Well, he will move past it."

"But will you? I am always telling you everything that's happening to me. And you never talked about yourself just like Alex. I don't know anything about you. Is there something wrong with me? You don't feel like talking to me just like him… because of something about me. There is something… "

Stephanie shook her head but the expression in her eyes hardened with determination. This… She could no longer do this. She could no longer pretend all their craziness wasn't affecting her.

"I want to be a surgeon." She cut in.

She straightened up slightly.

"I love you Jo. But I want to be a surgeon… And sometimes I can't be a surgeon around you. Just like right now I am about to be a surgeon in a big way and instead of celebrating, instead of focusing on myself, on the patient, I am tempted to focus on you and your love life. Again. It's all because I love you and you're my friend. I want to help you. I want to take sides and choose you over stupid Karev because you're my friend. I want to eat popcorn and blame men for all my problems. I want to go all out with you. But I also want to be a surgeon. And later on, when I will be going back to my place… I do have one of those Batcave thing… I Know myself. I will get angry and jealous and anxious… I will cry myself to sleep because I didn't get to be a surgeon. It's not fair to you. It's not your fault. It's mine. It's mine because I would have let myself be distracted again."

"Stephanie…"

"You're dating an attending. I'm dating… no one. You moved in with an attending. I live alone in a shoebox somewhere close to this nightmare of a hospital where nobody wants to actually teach. You were the first solo surgery. I got suspended twice. I inherited a couple of idiot interns and when they make mistakes it's my mistake. You are free to go and have fun in the pit. I am trying not to be that person because I love you and you're my friend. But I get jealous and angry and bitchy. Since it's not who I am, I get depressed in addition. I just want to get one thing right. I need to get this right. I was chosen to assist the attendings in the Pollard case. I really don't want to mess that up. "

After her moment of silence, Josephine finally stood up, wiping the tears in her face.

"Again, this is not against you… This is… I'm sorry Jo."

Jo shrugged it off immediately, and smiled faintly.

"Nonsense, I know you are going to kick ass out there, Stephanie. I don't know much. But I know this is who you are."

Upon hearing this, Stephanie opened her arms inviting her for a big hug. Josephine held on tight to her friend. She felt a quick relief as they embraced each other, finding comfort in this warm relationship they have. She didn't know what she would do if her friendship with Stephanie was to be irremediably broken. She just got one friend.

"Thank you." Stephanie whispered in her ear, still holding onto her.

"You're welcome."

But then a shadow clouded her expression and the smile faded on Jo's lips. She couldn't help but tense a little. A thought suddenly came. She just realized that she had been thinking and lamenting over Alex's behavior for weeks now, barely able to do her job, certainly not excelling at it. She had been so focused on her relationship that she ignored everything else. She was still tempted to ignore everything that was not Alex related because she loves him so much and she hated when he was upset with her. But as Stephanie was talking to her about her goals and passion, she couldn't help being stunned at her own reaction. That wasn't her! Forgetting about what was important, losing her focus over a man. The girl dating the attending! Was it the way Stephanie saw her? Was it the way people saw her? She certainly didn't see herself that way. But she always wanted the same thing than Stephanie… She suddenly asked herself why she would waste the night crying over Alex. Was it necessary when you love someone to forget a bit about yourself? Was it? Stephanie released her and picked up various surgeries' kits. Jo stood there, her mouth agape as if she was having trouble breathing.

"I still got some things to do. There's no use in telling you not to go in the gallery to watch." Stephanie said.

Jo came out of her reflection with a crisped smile.

"Of course… Right? There's no use. I will be cheering you from the stands."

"Thanks, Jo. I'm sure it will be alright with Alex. I think he really loves you."

Stephanie said before leaving the room. Jo nodded but soon the smile on her face faded. What just happened? Why did she suddenly feel like she'd been dragged by a car and left for dead in the middle of the road? Why couldn't she focus? Why? Why? She sacrificed everything to be here. She couldn't think about anything but Alex. He loves her. That was supposed to be a game changer, the fact he was in love with her. She was missing out on doing what she loved to be the perfect girlfriend of Alex Karev. She was losing herself in this relationship. Jo crossed her arms over her chest and let the tears fall again.

"Dr Yang? It's nice to see you. How are you?"

Cristina cursed at her bad luck. But then again, she had to cross path with him at one point or another. God, he looked so arrogant and plain evil. Like Jafar in Aladdin! Mean ! Mean ! Mean little man! He entered the Elevator West with her. And as soon as he did, his face contorted in a grimace of disgust as he was searching for the cause of the smell. Cristina felt a little bit better at his discomfort. Now if he could drop from the surface of the Earth, she wouldn't ask the Great Bearded above for anything else! She smiled. Meredith said to stay civil and professional in all circumstances.

"I am fine and you, Dr Allenbach? How do you fare in this glorious morning?"

He chuckled at that, his dimples heavily showing.

"Are you upset?"

"Not at all…"

"Really?"

"You warned me. I'm glad you did. May the best win this, right?" She nodded chirpily.

"So you're upset! It was nothing personal, Cristina. It was barely me…"

"Giving a crash course on _Evil pretentious asshole behaviors_? Psychology for Nuts 101? Or is it more " _Conquer and Take no prisoners: The strategies of an evil War lord_ , Political science for the Crazy? Which one is it?"

"They all sound great like Video Games' titles. I get that. You feel betrayed."

She laughed sarcastically.

"To feel betrayed I will have to have invested some trust in you. This is obviously something I didn't do! I wouldn't trust you with a bucket of cold water if my panties were on fire.

"You shouldn't trust me anywhere near your panties anyway, Cristina." He said taking a step toward her.

Cristina paused. She stood her ground. Oh Burke-Doppelganger, you better stay right there or you will taste my fist of fury! She needed to keep a straight face for this. There was no smiling to this. There was no letting him win. She shrugged seemingly unaffected.

"So, no harm was done. And thanks… Thanks to you my boss adores me right now… He thinks I got him the golden egg."

"Maybe he is right, you never know."

"You know what I know. I'm going to surgery and I will try to make it worth my time. You know since I'm so busy. It also occurred to me that… as strange as things are… right now between us… One thing is clear as crystal. I'm your boss now. I want your tender specifications on my desk first thing in the morning, since I will review it very closely. "

He smiled to her.

"I like when you're upset."

"So just be late tomorrow and you will see something really nice happen!"

"I will just give Shane, your resident, the extra work."

With a beeping noisse, the elevator reached its destination. Cristina got out even before the doors were completely open.

"You do that. Your choice! "

"So I guess we're not going to see each other tonight? I'm really upset."

Cristina turned.

"Go to hell!" She mouthed quietly and then she smiled.

"Have a nice day, Dr Allenbach! Do not forget, we are so glad to have you here!"

She walked away with that plastic smile on her face. Jo chuckled a little as he pushed the elevator panel to go upstairs but then he grimace again at the bad smell.

"Hey! Who are you? Are you new around here? You look like my wife?"

Miranda looked up from the chest of drawers.

"Very funny?"

She was seemingly not catching all of the fun though. She wore a constant frown on her face. Ben closed the door behind him.

"But so true! I didn't see you last night?"

"I left a message. You must have been already asleep."

"I got the message. I tried to call you back immediately. You didn't answer your phone."

"Sorry, I was busy putting all these files in order. Then, I took a break and found a nice on call room where I slept like the dead."

"Miranda…"

"Hold these for me." She said handing him a box.

"What are you doing?"

"Like you can't see… Benjamin Warren. I'm cleaning up my drawers… It's been years since I've done it. If I change office…because I'm going to change office soon… I need things to be in order."

Ben frowned.

"It's about that guy…"

"Which guy? Do you see a guy? What business do you have telling your wife about a guy?"

"You're acting weird since yesterday. Since Catherine Avery brought on that new candidate."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Miranda…"

"Because that guy can't be my competition… My competition can't be another guy ogling Meredith Grey!"

"What? Can you stop to look at me?"

"Ben, I'm fine. I was just... We all got on this massive case… The Pollard case. It is sad what happened to that woman and frustrating. I want her to walk out this hospital on her own two feet, holding her baby boy. But I don't always have the last say, ask the Big Guy above, he is behind the wheel. "

"I know sweetheart…"

Miranda took a deep breath to clear her head filled with confused thoughts.

"You know what I will finish that later. "

Ben nodded and Miranda dropped herself on her chair. She sighed. Ben kneeled in front of her.

"It's not even that I dislike the guy despite him being an obvious playboy with great shirts... and probably money to burn... He knows his stuffs. Hell, he has more board certifications than I do. He also has more experience. More everything. What infuriates me is that I'm starting to think that I wouldn't pick myself."

"Miranda…baby... Come on!"

"I know… I want this so much. I didn't even know I wanted this this much until Richard proposed. Now, I'm feeling kinda out of my league. You see when Derek was here or even Preston Burke, I knew they were very good surgeons, world renowned surgeons, but I didn't get the feeling I couldn't be like them, like I couldn't catch up to them. This guy had Kyle Yeahquo on speed dial. Of course, I pretended I didn't know who he was…

"Kyle Yeahquo for real?"

"Except if you live in Antarctica you know what that guy is about… He is a Harper Avery winner… Many times in a row Best surgeon in America… and an ex-child prodigy. You had to see Fresker, it was so easy for him. He looked right in his element with the Pollard Case. He won the first battle effortlessly. The chief told me to not scrub in. Yes, it told me to stand down. He told me to let Meredith Grey who's been in an accident just yesterday handle it. It kinda sting a little. What am I saying? I wanted to punch his face. I should be in there. I have more experience than Meredith…Grey… Not saying she can't do this… pull this off with Edwards… because I raised my babies well. So, she can certainly do it... But I could do it too..."

"You're great, Dr Miranda Bailey. You're the best surgeon I know. Don't ever forget that! You'd make a mighty fine chief!"

She leaned to hug him and felt a sudden flutter in her stomach as how his confidence in her was soothing her anxiety.

"Will that be enough?"

"Whatever happens, it's enough for me?" Ben said, while nuzzling her neck tenderly.

"Hum...hum... What are you doing?"

"Well, my wife didn't come home last night and I think I'm entitled to some compensatory PDA and... maybe more..."

"What? now... No!"

Ben kissed his wife's neck right on the spot she loves. Miranda let herself relax in his embrace until she took a look at her watch that is.


	31. Things unsaid, Things left to repair

**Disclaimer** : See previous chapters.

 **A/N** : I'm holding my breath, hoping you all like this chapter. Enjoy!

-31-

Things unsaid… Things left to repair

"Will that be enough?"

Ben couldn't say he was completely okay with the idea of Miranda running for chief. It was a complicated and stressful job. It threatened to be a complicated stressful race to add; when they had just managed to put a lid on her anxiety disorder and PTSD. He feared the toll it will take on her. What if she lose? Will she be able to move past the failure and disappointments? What if she wins? It will mean they will have even less time for themselves. She will be split between the job, her kid, and her husband, with him already acknowledging he will probably come last. Will they be able to make it work? Ben sighed.

"Whatever happens, it's enough for me."

He told his wife because it was true, despite the challenges it represented, whatever happens Ben wanted to be there for her. He was going to be there for her. He believed in her, in them. He believed they could make it. This was the same belief he had on Miranda's chances. She was strong. Miranda smiled and held him tight against her. She wasn't sure those were the words she wanted to hear. But well, it will have to do.

"Hum...hum... What are you doing?" He kissed her neck.

"Well, my wife didn't come home last night and I think I'm entitled to some compensatory PDA and... maybe more..."

"What? Now... No!"

But he kept on focusing on that special part of her neck that always made her giggle and feel sexy. She was about to pull at his scrubs when she looked at her watch. Oh! She bolted out of her chair and Ben almost lost balance.

"We're gonna be late. It's going to start any minute now!"

Miranda and Ben rushed out the door to the Gallery. When they arrived, everyone had seemingly found a seat. She recognized in the last rows a couple of interns, Shaw, Douglas, Deluca. Sitting on the second row was Wilson, Torres and two empty seats.

"Huh, Owen asked me to keep a seat for him sorry. One of you has to go…" Callie said.

Ben nodded and gave his wife the priority. He could sit in the stairs. Richard was sitting next to Fresker on the front row and the two men were currently in deep conversation. They laughed at something Richard said. Miranda was about to accept Callie's deal when Richard finally noticed her.

"Miranda, I kept you a seat next to me. You will have a better view from here." Richard said.

"I'm okay!"

She replied dryly as there was no way she was going to play third-wheel to their duo.

"Come here, Miranda Bailey. You will get a better view. "

Miranda and Ben exchanged a perplexed look. Miranda shook her head intent on making it as hard as possible on Richard. He couldn't exclude her from surgery and expect she won't retaliate. Because she will retaliate… retaliate hard.

Richard stood awkwardly, leaned over the seat, pulled her by the shoulder gently so he could whisper in her ears.

"Chiefs always sit front rows. They do not do the surgery unless necessary. They watched over like hawks and pray their surgeons don't mess up. They do not wait for a seat. They always got one because someone had a sense to keep it warm for them. So sit down, Miranda Bailey!"

Her eyes widened in surprise. She was suddenly feeling very foolish. She came around the stands, her head held high, and sat down.

"I'm seated. Thank you." She said with enough edge to keep her reputation intact.

Warren glanced at her and gave her indulgent smile. She wished she could tore his head clean off his broad shoulders that's how much she liked their little competition. Richard sat down in the middle. Miranda took a deep breath. She was feeling a little bit of pride there, looking over her shoulder at her husband, and at Callie. She felt like indeed she came a long way from her resident year and maybe just maybe she really deserve that seat. What was she saying? She shrugged with a wide smile. Of course, she deserved that seat.

The lights of the OR came on. Debra Pollard was wheeled inside and the nurses and anesthesiologist transferred her to the surgery table.

"Oh god! There are so many people in the Gallery." Stephanie said as she rinsed her hands for the fourth time.

The head of Oncology, Spencer Pruitt, had scrubbed ahead. He was not too happy by the repartition of roles. He made it clearly known that he was unhappy nobody called him as soon as they got Yeahquo involved. Stephanie suspected he was also a fan, a bitter one. He had the worst case of inflated ego earlier. If someone was to do the debulking of that tumor that should have been him he told the chief. But the chief didn't budge and Meredith was still the first surgeon on the case as the general attending. So Pruitt could be heard giving orders to the nurses inside the OR, and generally make everybody's job harder. Stephanie turned to Meredith Grey as she was repeating her moves again and again. Meredith looked at the surgery table and at the patient and concentrated hard. Stephanie wished she had that much confidence. It was Maggie's turn to soap. She was all smiles while she joked with Meredith about her being a techno dinosaur, whatever that means.

Amelia was breathing in and out in silent meditation. The chief had been quite clear in his demand. He wanted her to do the impossible and a large part of that would be about doing some pure improvisation on her part.

"You can do this, Edwards. Make me proud." Meredith said sternly as she entered the OR to get gloved in. Maggie followed her soon.

Stephanie watched the thin stream of water washed away the soap on her hands. She put her hands again under the automatic soap dispenser.

"Don't listen to her, Edwards." Amelia suddenly said. "They always want to make it bigger than what it is. Do it for yourself. Just go in there. Just be yourself. Who you are? You're a surgeon. A damn good one. So go be a surgeon and have fun…"

Stephanie nodded vigorously and turned to Amelia with gratitude showing on her face.

"Thank you, Dr Shepherd."

"You're welcome."

Stephanie rinsed for the last time and went in the arena while Amelia remained behind.

"You're going to be alright in there?"

Amelia didn't need to turn back to recognize Owen's voice. She didn't know for how long he'd been standing behind her. She didn't care. She didn't need him to pretend he cared. She was self-sufficient. She looked up at the gallery.

"I'm asking. But you don't even need to tell me. I know something is wrong with you. I just want to know what I can do to help."

Of course, he would want to help. He was a boy-scout who was seeing a big tempting charity case in her. He couldn't let it pass.

"Why?"

"I am your friend."

"Friend? We're not really friend. I don't know who we are or what we are but we are not friends. Nope, we're not."

They had sex twice. That didn't make them friends. It wasn't like she had to open up to him or he had to be there for her. Nobody was obligated to do anything in the contract they had. They just had sex twice.

"Amelia…"

"Why? Do you believe that something is wrong with me? What if it was not my fault? What if something happened to me?"

Owen frowned. She could see his confusion. That right there, was her fault.

"I never said it was your fault."

"What is it then? "

"Look at me. Please."

His hands were on each sides of her face, he forced her to look in his eyes. Her eyes were tearing up. He really didn't know what to do to keep her obvious depression at bay. She lost her brother among other things. He knew it would take time. But he had a feeling it was way more than that. It was something Amelia wasn't saying.

"There is nothing wrong with you and I know something happened to you. All I'm trying to do is help you… I'm on your side here."

Amelia pulled away forcefully.

"Well, you shouldn't be."

She pushed the door with her back and disappeared in the OR. Owen let out a deep breath and crossed his arms praying she held her own in that OR.

It was a slow start. Warren thought as he looked below. They were proceeding cautiously. The first hour they play around the Upper GI to scan every fold while Maggie monitored her heart. He watched Meredith as she made her way around the pancreas. She was gifted. If he said he was not surprised, that would be a lie since everything she did until now surprise him in some measure. Even if somehow he expected her to be this good, she was yet a level above his expectation. She was indeed the daughter of Ellis Grey. Maggie and Meredith were keeping that OR lively, arguing over a procedure with Pruitt, laughing at something Dr Pruitt said, making snarky comments.

But mostly they were all working well together. Didn't Pierce say they were sisters yesterday? Metaphorically or not, they worked, including Edwards. She was really at ease in there.

Stephanie stopped her attending and pointed inside the cavity. Meredith's eyes behind her mask told the whole story. She nodded. Richard leaned to inform him that they found the tumor but he already knew. Well, Edwards was handling her own. She was explaining very precisely every steps to Meredith, like she was reciting a check-list. Though Meredith was the one to make the heavy lifting, make the cuts, Edwards was a solid second behind her, assisting her very efficiently. Meredith looked up at the gallery. When she did he wondered what she was thinking. She asked for the 5 inch blade, and the one they nicknamed " the scraper".

She looked up again. Miranda leaned for a better view and smiled at her. Meredith closed her eyes before starting excising the left part of the tumor under the jealous eyes of the actual head of Oncology. Stephanie halted her hand. Meredith looked up in her resident's eyes.

"I can see a tear, Dr Grey."

Meredith observed. Edwards was right. She could see a tear forming on the superficial tissue. She nodded. Stephanie drew the pancreatic fluid out. Meredith asked to have her glasses adjusted before starting again. She went at it more gradually and cautiously this time, scraping as much cancerous growth as she could.

Meredith looked up at the clock with bloodshot eyes. They were down five hours. The interns had gone to lunch in the cafeteria a while ago. Ben had gone to fetch a couple of refreshments for his wife for the second time. Callie had a surgery. Owen had a trauma consult in the pit, Wilson and the interns went with him. Alex had taken his place, eating some chips.

Meredith was barely a third of the way through. She rolled her neck. She was thirsty more than she was hungry. She was hot more than she was cold. She was already down to her third bottle of water and it was never a good sign. She felt a wave of nausea and stopped for a brief instant. She started again when it subsequently receded. Sitting on a stool, Maggie had her eyes on the monitor.

"Stephanie, can you take over a few minutes, I need to drink something."

Stephanie didn't ask where her luck came from. She just nodded and picked up her own 5-inch blade. She went ever so slowly as to not completely rupture the growth. Meredith walked away from the table to the back of the group where she sipped on some water with a straw thanks to a nurse. She came back less than five minutes later. She looked up again, rolled her sore neck and started again.

Warren had his eyes on her since the beginning of the surgery and he was suddenly tense. He noticed the way she tilted her head ever so slowly to concentrate. She was in pain. He suspected it was her bruised ribs. Richard whispered that he had to leave for a while. He barely nodded as his eyes remained riveted on Meredith.

She shouldn't have been operating. He suspected she downplayed her pain yesterday or she displaced her ribs while moving. Either scenario, she wasn't going to make it. Meredith could feel herself slipping but she kept her hands steady. She was down another hour. But the repetition of motion was currently killing her. Her left side and her back was currently burning with a dull ache. She longed for a bed or a chair… anything that could relieve her back right now. She couldn't ask Maggie for that stool. However, It would cause a panic. She glanced at the clock as a drop of sweat travelled the bridge of her nose. Her vision blurred for the third time. Meredith bit her lips as her nurse sponged her sweaty brow. She realized she wouldn't pull through at this rhythm. She needed a real break. Could Miranda finish this? She shook a head. That was not an option.

"Dr Grey…"

Her breath came ragged behind her mask. She barely found the strength to nod. Stephanie was staring at her in worry. She realized she had been freezing there a while now.

"Okay, Maggie, give me the status on the patient."

Maggie did as she was told, going into great details in her report, never lifting her eyes from her own work. The patient was stable for now, Meredith concluded. It was now or never.

Meredith nodded firmly. She swallowed hard.

" Very well, I need you to help me here, Stephanie. I need to break scrub. You need to take over for me ..."

"What?" Stephanie opened her eyes wide.

"What is happening? Meredith, talk to me!" Maggie screamed.

"Meredith, is there a problem?" Amelia asked.

Stephanie was looking at the pancreas in panic.

"There's no problem, Maggie…Amelia… Everything is fine. Now, look at me Stephanie… "

Stephanie looked up.

"I know it seems like there is a lot of work right now and we're way behind schedule that is also true. But I will be fine in a minute and you will be alright on your own in the meantime. So when I say I'm out… You will take over again. But this time, it's your OR and you make the rules until I'm back. You keep the patient stable and you keep the patient alive and you keep excising that tumor. When I come back I will take over vascularization. Do we have a plan?"

"But Dr Grey…"

"When I say I'm out… Did you hear me?"

Stephanie didn't answer. Pruitt took a step forward.

"You must be kidding me! You can't leave her in charge."

"Step back in my OR, Dr Pruitt. "

"But she is…"

"Not a word I warned you… You can do this, Stephanie. You know the procedure better than all of us…. Better than him… Better than me… That's why I put this in your hand… Because you're the most competent person in this room right now! You can do this. I won't be long I promise." She pointed at the scrub room.

Stephanie looked up and noticed for the first time the tears in Meredith's eyes. Her skin was so pale. Stephanie looked over her shoulders. Amelia was still waiting in the back. Maggie was across the surgery table. She nodded with resolve.

"I can do this. I got you, Dr Grey. I got the patient too. You can go now. " Stephanie said with determination.

Meredith briefly nodded and took a step back.

"I'm out!"

As Meredith was accompanied to the sideline, Miranda stood up, very confused.

"Is she really going to leave Edwards alone? Is that alright? Should we call the chief?"

"I think he left you in charge. Your call? I wouldn't call anyone yet. "

"Oh Meredith Grey ! What are you doing ?"

It was like that girl always made it her personal duty to break protocol and put Miranda in a bind. Miranda looked down worriedly. She pushed the call button. Since the situation had degenerated rather quickly in the OR with Dr Pruitt saying he should be the one to take over, Maggie was arguing with him, Amelia was barking orders to the nurses to go check on Meredith.

"Everyone be quiet!" Stephanie shouted. "Back off, Dr Pruitt or I will ask someone to escort you outside."

"You're just a resident. How dare you !"

"Right now, I'm your team leader. This is my OR. This is my patient." Stephanie barked. "You heard Dr Grey… Any one of you say otherwise and we're gonna have a problem. Did I make myself clear?!"

Maggie sat down on her stool. Amelia went back to her seat. Dr Pruitt just stood his ground but did not say another word.

"Stephanie? Can you hear me?"

"I'm listening, Dr Bailey."

"Dr Webber had to leave for an emergency. He asked me to keep an eye on things for him. Right now, I'm acknowledging the change in leadership. It should be written in the journal that Dr Stephanie Edwards is in charge now until the return of Dr Grey. Stephanie, do not disappoint."

Edwards nodded and started again the procedure. Warren stood in turn. Alex who was about to stand and go see Meredith, watched with curiosity Warren Fresker leave the room.

"Edwards will be fine." Alex then called out to Miranda. "Meredith probably just needs a minute, Bailey. It's been more than five hours."

Meredith was sitting on the floor outside the OR, her breathing labored when Warren found her. He gently patted the top of her scrub cap and she looked up at him with fatigue in her eyes.

"I'm a bad doctor for letting you operate in that state. I don't know why...I listened to you telling me you were fine."

"I was fine! You're the best doctor." She breathed in and out slowly. "I was so great out there. Didn't you see me? Hurry and patch me up… I'm going back."

He lowered himself to her level with a smirk, handing her a bottle of water. She gladly accepted.

"Thanks." She sipped the content in a matter of seconds.

He lifted her scrubs slightly to see her left side. Her flank had been painted an angry purple pink. He massaged her side expertly.

"I will be fine." She moaned.

Her side was quite rigid.

"I fear a pleural haemothorax… Meredith. You know what that means… "

"Nonsense… You just… want an excuse… to touch me. That's fine… I will let you." She said teasingly, her face flushed, still breathless. "Oh no! Forget I ever said that! I'm not flirting with you mister! We're not doing this again."

He looked at her in amusement. She shrugged.

"I'd like to think we're above this."

"I'd like to think too… " He said with mirth in his eyes. He was smiling with unusual confidence.

"I do want to touch you more… Meredith… for observation purposes… Really you need a drain."

"I need to get back in there and finish the job."

"Miranda Bailey can do it."

She looked up at him, with teary eyes.

"Please don't take my surgery away from me… I will be good I promise. Just give me a minute." She smiled.

Warren stopped to look around them. He didn't see any nurses in the hallway or anyone for that matter.

"That's breaking protocol… You shouldn't be in an OR. You should be resting."

" Like you're that kind of Chief…"

"How would know?"

"You wouldn't be in trouble if you were that kind of chief."

"True enough."

"I've got this… I was rocking… that OR. I owe… Debra Pollard at least this much."

"Yes, you were. You're a damn good surgeon."

" And you didn't see anything yet !"

"Well… Alright, that has to be our secret… but if you collapse there…"

"I will not."

"I want you to rest three hours. It's a very long procedure, you won't miss anything."

"Two…"

"Four…"

"One…"

She gave him that knowing smirk as he picked her up to carefully lift her on a nearby gurney.

"Let's go for one… but it's only because I think that's how long Edwards can hold her own out there." He lied to her.

"Just like me. She was being incredible. The kid is on fire…"

"Walking on water?" He asked candidly. Meredith stared into his eyes intently without saying a word. How did he guess?

He wheeled her in a nearby consult room. Her forearm behind her head, she waited patiently as he wheeled a reanimation cart and emergency kit near the gurney. She watched as he scrubbed his hand under the faucet. He came back, pulled the stool closer and put on his gloves. He connected the drain to a portable empty bag. He gave her a local anesthetic. He made a small incision. She grimaced in pain as he inserted the tube in her side between her ribs. He dropped the gloves in the trash can. Soon enough however, the discomfort was gone. He stroked her hair gently as Meredith closed her eyes. She fell asleep somewhere between the third and the fourth gentle strokes. Suddenly, she grabbed a fistful of his shirt. Oh god, he drugged her, didn't he. When?

"You tricked me." Were the last words she could utter before sleep claimed her back.

Warren looked at the monitor as he hooked her up to the machine.


	32. Fulfilling a prophecy

**Disclaimer:** Let's talk about sex, baby/Let's talk about you and me/Let's talk about all the good things/And the bad things that may be/Let's talk about sex! Oleoleoleole (8) Well, obviously GA characters are not mine.

 **A/N** : There is plenty thanks to give to everyone's reviews. **Jax, sara, Faith, Karen, Pooja, and Jamelia,** thanks for sticking with me. It's storm season on my island, raining all day, and publishing got a little bit nightmarish in between power cuts. So, I'm sorry for the relatively long wait. I'm still dedicated to this story thanks to your support. Since I try posting twice already today, I will keep my message short. Hope you like it!

-32-

Fulfilling a prophecy

Things I learned from being a surgeon: You will wish to quit every day and then you will come back every day and wish they let you get in that OR again. You secretly belong in that OR and always will. Things I learned from being Chief: Sometimes you have to make the wrong call for the purpose of getting that car to crash into that wall, because surgeons are at their best working under immense pressure. Make sure the stakes are always as high as possible. Things I learned from being a human: The appeal of life resides mainly in its unpredictability. Being resourceful is not about knowing everything; it's not about being the best. It is about developing awareness, react fast, come up with a plan and act on it. Last but not least, do not in any circumstances cave or back off from that plan. Others will tell you they know better than you. Obviously they don't or else they wouldn't be in this mess to begin with and they wouldn't ask you for your advice anyway. So, trust that you're _often_ _almost always_ 100% justified.

 **Heavy Cross - Gossip**

"I can't believe you did this to me, Miranda! This was a good situation… This was a contained situation and…"

Richard barked as he pushed violently the doors of the Gallery. He couldn't believe she waited this long to tell him that Grey was missing.

"Chief, listen to me! Let me go in there! I can do this... Take over for her. Repair this mess... I take the blame… and I can…make it right." Miranda said.

An EKG was beeping frantically in the background.

"Again, I don't know why I wasn't immediately called when this happened, Miranda!" Richard roared.

"You left me in charge... I... He said... It was going well... I thought..."

"You should have come to me... immediately. Where is Grey?"

"How would I know? I couldn't exactly leave, could I?"

Richard looked at the OR below. Stephanie and Maggie were doing all they could to stabilized the patient but well, they lacked a general surgeon in there. As for Shepherd, she was on her break.

"Nevermind, the patient is coding and Stephanie is alone in there. Where the hell is Warren Fresker?"

He pushed the com button.

"Why is this not working?"

"I think someone else is talking to her on another Com. I think it's Dr Fresker." Shaw said, pointing at the scrub room below.

Warren leaned over the sink washing his face quickly. He pushed the COM button.

"Stephanie?"

"Oh my god, I can't see! What did I do? I can't… She...Oh my god!"

"Stephanie? Edwards?"

"Dr Fresker?"

"I want you to give me the patient's status."

"I… I can't…"

"She's coding. Pulse is down 100. I can take over."

"Not yet Dr Pierce? Please? I'm talking to you, Stephanie. I want you to give me that patient's status."

"Please Dr Fresker!"

"I need you to talk to me so I can help you. Talk to me. I trust you just like Dr Grey and Dr Pierce entrusted you with their patient. I trust you."

"Talk to me…"

Stephanie saw the world spin around her and thought for a minute she would crash. Her breathing came ragged. Sweat ran freely on her cheek. She just froze there.

"Stephanie?! Look at me! " He shouted.

She looked up.

"I am right here with you. She is not dying. She is not dying since she is on your watch. So what do you see?"

"Huh….Huh…"

"Talk to me…"

"I excised the tumor but as per instructed, the debulking is not complete until Dr Grey… Oh my god! Dr Grey! Where is she?"

"Dr Grey is fine. Please continue… Describe the mass…"

" The color is encouraging. Its integrity is not compromised. It's not the pancreas.

"Good… now…"

"I will be checking… Huh… There… The bleeding comes from… The liver… She is really bleeding there."

"Possible causes…"

"Hum…a Blood Clot… No… Forget I said that… That was silly. She is metastatic."

"Very good… But again…"

"I searched for…. I can see it, Dr Fresker. The tumor started bleeding. It's bleeding in her stomach. I can see it… It's probably less than two centimeters width. I need to take it out right now. But I can't clamp on it…"

"Don't try to clamp. You will do more harm than good. Tissue is friable there. You will cause more bleeding. Instead… Somebody give her a burner 3-inch now."

Maggie nodded quickly and her nurse did as she was told.

"Dr Fresker… I never…"

"Hey Stephanie, I'm with you every steps of the way. You will see it's easy. You will call for aspiration. You make sure your visibility is optimal. You want it to be neat and clean. Then you pick up that burner and…you apply lightly on tumor and wait for it to smell like something sweet… It will turn to the smell of burn flesh rather quickly. But you just need the smell of sweets."

"Okay…"

Stephanie did as he told her breathing through her nose. The monitor slowed down. Maggie looked at it in awe.

"It's getting very black… I smell candy … Oh wow! What? Now?"

"Now, you take it out."

"Dr Fresker, it's not working… I can't take all of it out. "

"That's normal… Now comes the hard part. You don't want to excise it. You want to resect the tumor… Not take it all out… It's very important that you resect the tumor without touching any individual blood vessels… You don't want her to start bleeding again"

Stephanie took a deep breath and exhaled calmly.

"Resect… How much should I leave out?"

"You can go a bit lower than 1 cm. But it's like cutting a tree, you want to leave something behind. So, we can treat the leftovers with proper…"

"Radiotherapy…"

"Right. That and kill its roots."

"Okay… It's… done. I did it. Oh my god! It's done! Dr Pierce?"

"Patient is stable again. But where is Meredith?" Maggie smiled.

"Dr Grey will be here shortly. Good Job, Stephanie!"

Stephanie let all the air out of her lungs at once and allowed her smile to creep on her face.

"Thank you, Dr Fresker."

Warren cut the Com. He was about to leave the room when he came face to face with Dr Webber and Dr Bailey and both didn't look to please at the sight of him. He said nothing and waited patiently for Dr Webber to talk.

" Did Edwards just resected her metastatic tumor on the liver of Mrs Pollard?"

"I guess she did."

"Alone without an attending in the room."

"Well, technically… Maggie Pierce is an attending. But I guess I can see your point…"

"Do you have a plan, Dr Fresker? In situations like this, it's important to have a plan to be fully prepared to face the consequences."

Warren nodded.

"I think I have one. I'm famished. I need to find food."

Richard's eyes narrowed on their target angrily but then his gaze softened. Richard didn't know if he wanted to choke the man or pat him on the back.

"You make sure your plan work. You want you plan to work."

"Yes…"

"I will be upstairs… waiting... Watching…"

"Sure…"

Richard turned toward Miranda.

"Dr Webber?"

"What is it, Miranda?

Miranda looked at the two men. Richard didn't ask about Meredith. She rolled her eyes. Alright she won't play their game and be the vindictive bitch who asked to many questions.

"Nothing… I will be coming with you." She smiled.

Warren respectfully opened the door for Chief Webber. He turned to Miranda but she wasn't having any of it. She crossed her arms on her chest and looked at him with pure disdain.

"At this point, you could probably get away with murder, don't ask me why? What they see in you, I have no idea."

"You and me both."

He frowned in confusion as she continued.

"Seriously, what did you do to the man?"

"I have no idea."

"And what's wrong with you?"

"I have no idea, Dr Bailey."

He smiled to her. That was the honest truth.

"Get Meredith Grey's ass back here?! Now!" She groaned before leaving the room.

"Yes, Madam."

Warren simply looked at his watch and smiled.

Alex looked at his watch then at the clock. He sighed as he picked up the syringe. Could he really trust this guy? Alex grabbed Meredith's hydration pack and filled the countdown. He waited two minutes that the product went through the drain. He picked up another syringe on the tray and took out the cap with his teeth. He injected this product directly into Meredith's arm. He waited.

These days, it wasn't about waking up gently to the sound of birds chirping on the windowsills. No instead, Meredith woke up gasping, feeling her chest burning. She gasped taking off the oxygen mask off her face. She felt like she had been drowning or buried alive all at once. She straightened up and struggled to sit right. Alex pulled something into her hand. She looked up. Yes, the oxygen mask. Meredith's breathing slowed down and she focused on Alex's face as he sat back on the stool.

"Mer? Are you with me?"

He repeated those words twice before she caught up with him. She nodded quietly. She'd half expected to find herself in a world of pain but it wasn't so... She tried to put her feet down slowly finding it way easier to breathe. She searched for the drain and found the bag attached to the pants of her scrub. The door opened behind her and Warren entered the room. He was looking all apologetic.

"Don't tell me she is dead! No!" She shouted angrily.

"You should have waked me up, Alex! And you I trusted you! How could you…" She pointed at Warren.

Alex broke in a smile and shook his head.

"Told you it works every time!" He said.

Warren broke into an easy smile.

"I see. I overestimated her. I thought she could not possibly fall for that."

Meredith opened her mouth agape in confusion. They were making fun of her. They were having a good laugh at her expense. She stopped. Wait, when did this two became buddy? She didn't get the answer to this question as Warren quickly picked up his stethoscope again and exchange places with Alex on the stool in front of her. She sat down immediately knowing he wanted to check on her condition.

"How is she? How is Edwards doing?"

"She is doing great. She is almost done with her part…"

"So it's your turn now…"Alex finished.

Meredith looked at both men. Weren't they cute finishing each other's sentences? Meredith turned to Warren though, not forgetting for one minute, he betrayed her.

"You drugged me. I trusted you. That's a crime… I'm sure… somewhere."

"I will plead guilty at this trial."

Warren broke into an easy smile.

"How long was I under?"

"Three hours?"

"What?"

"I just induced sleep but it didn't seem like you needed any help in that department. You slept like you hadn't slept in years. You even snored, Meredith."

"I didn't… I do not snore."

She didn't finish that phrase because the expression on Alex's face was very telling. Well, she did snore a little when she was really tired. But it wasn't that bad. Alex shook his head. Okay, let's just change subjects. Luckily for her, Warren had already moved on. He was currently filling a needle with… something. Meredith shook her head in panic… Hey, no more of…Ouch… He stabbed her with it directly between her ribs.

"How do you feel? And let us stay honest with each other this time?" He asked, staring into her eyes.

Meredith was about to say that he could have stabbed her gently when she realized she was in no pain at all. Percophan 130…She read on the bottle. She sighed with a smile. Nice.

"I'm feeling… Oh! Wow! I'm so… Oh! I feel… Ahh!" She let out a deep satisfied sigh.

"Good. I know! Tell me more!"

"What is that? This is…"

"I think I will go get you something solid to eat." Alex said.

He was growing uncomfortable with all her moans and the way they were staring at each other right now.

"No, stay… This is…amazing!"

Warren tilted his head.

"I just put a little something in your hydration pack to wake you up… And combined to the Percophan… Well, you're on a high right now! It will pass and you will feel just slightly elated in a minute..."

"And?"

"Then you will be set to go!"

"Mer… Don't get addicted to this, please. I don't wanna go to jail."

"Well, I don't know. That's some good drugs, Alex. That's some very - good -drugs!" Meredith smiled.

"There's no risk of addiction. I added a couple of things. This combination for short is what coach and team manager give to cyclists on the professional circuit, especially after a fall. It enables them to keep up with their performance. " Warren took a look at his watch and picked up a small flashlight on the table. He observed Meredith's pupils for a couple of minute.

"You know that because..."

"Well, my brother made a tv report on it once. He asked me to sample some of his finds... in my lab."

"He is a journalist?"

Warren stopped and looked up at her, and blue met green in earnest.

"Yes. He is. And now, how do you feel?"

Meredith's breath came finally even. She looked up at him.

"I feel great." She frowned and blew her strand of hair away from her face with her quick giggle. Taking of his gloves, he helped her tuck away the strand behind her ear. "I feel amazing."

"I know."

"You gave me nutrition too."

"You asked me to patch you up. I did my job."

"Yes and he needed me to sign all these stuffs out for him. You should feel like a racehorse right now, ready to go. You should be ready to go. I don't want this to be all in vain… I want you to go kick ass in there." Alex intervened, flicking his watch in warning.

Meredith searched Warren's eyes for an answer but he never looked up. He even took out her drain while she wasn't looking and dressed up the small incision with a bandage. She was much freer to move and immediately attempted to stand. The earth was no longer vacillating under her feet. She no longer felt a shortness of breath and no more dull aches. Alex held out a bottle of orange juice for her. She sipped it without a word. No nausea. Nope, she was back to being herself. They all started to walk her outside the room to the OR. Alex came inside with her but Warren stopped short on the threshold.

"I'm going back upstairs, Dr Grey. Please show me a good time."

Meredith smiled mischievously.

"Thank you and I will !"

Alex stood in a corner as she went for the sink.

"Oh Mer!"

"I didn't do anything. I was unconscious. You're my witness. God is my witness too."

"You don't believe in God."

"I do believe sometimes… I don't know. Just to say I didn't do anything!"

"That's what is scaring me right now. You're scary powerful to make a guy you have known for less than 24 hours break rules for you. Well, people, a round of applause! That's Medusa for you!"

"That's mean. He is just… really helpful. It's not my fault."

Alex frowned.

"Don't tell me you did what I think you did!"

"I did not! Alex!"

"Well, he could be our boss soon… not that you're not used to… or you have to be overly concerned about it but…"

"Shut up Alex! There is Miranda… She will be the boss."

"It's not written yet. You get a double vote or triple. I don't remember. You're so mighty powerful!Seeing as you and him get along so fine... Who knows!" He said teasingly.

Technically she did but Meredith pursed her lips together, not ready to address this right now.

"Like I said Miranda will be the boss… He already has a job... In Annapolis… where he lives."

"So you don't have amnesia… that's good. Because trouble is written on his head and on yours…"

"You're so chatty! What happened to you, Alex?"

"Only thing is I appreciated he came to me first."

"He did?"

"Yes, he may not be the total asshole I believe he was. He has instinct. He has terribly good insight about people. He is very good with diagnosis. He is a problem solver. He is straightforward in his method. What's not too like? Except he could be our boss, Meredith! "

"Technically he would be working for us since I'm on the board and you hold Cristina's shares… He's not that bad."

" So you thought about it..."

"I just said that he is not that bad."

"I never said he was that bad… I just said exactly the opposite in fact."

"Oh you like him? It's cute. He said something about your skills, didn't he?" Meredith mocked.

Alex broke into a childish grin.

"He said something on the work I did with that African humanitarian organization. He is well-informed. He also said he was impressed by how I got my board certification… The fact I got late and still managed to crush all of the questions they asked… not exactly crush them but you get the picture. At least he knows how to recognize talent! I helped him patch you up real good, you should be thanking me. I never told the Chief… Technically, it was Miranda who spilled on you."

"What?"

"But well, all is well for now."

Meredith laughed. It was just the way he said it. He didn't believe a word of it. She was in trouble.

"You did alright, Dr Alex. How is Edwards doing?" Meredith asked again wanting to shift the conversation back to the cytoreductive surgery. She wanted to focus back on the surgery and on the patient.

"She's almost done excising the tumor. You're just in time for the cutting and the subsequent vascularization repair. Not a piece of work! We kept for you the good part. You're good for this?"

Meredith grinned.

"I feel… like Medusa again… So, watch me walk on water, Alex. "

Alex smiled at that and nodded. She pushed the door of the OR with her back.

"I'm in. Edwards, give me a report. "She said as she waited to get gloved in.

Edwards gave her a relieved look as she came closer. Then the third year resident proceeded in telling her all she did in her absence, how she managed to scrape much of the growth out, how they had a slight scare but they dealt with it efficiently. Meredith nodded taking everything in. She looked up. Warren was standing in her corner, leaning on the window nonchalantly, observing her from an angle. Miranda was speaking with the chief, Owen and Callie were back, Alex just entered the gallery and was shooing an intern out of a chair next to Wilson. Jo seemed stunned when he chose to sit down next to her. And although, they didn't exchange her word, she seemed to revel in their sudden proximity.

Meredith let out a deep breath.

" Good job, Edwards. Let's cut the pancreas out. Amelia, are you ready?"

Amelia, who was back from her break, nodded firmly.

"As ready as I could ever be! Let's do this!

"Maggie?"

"Her heart is stable. I am ready. Get the second clock ready, Becca."

"Clamp 4 and clamp 2. Edwards, hold these!" Meredith announced as she clamped the pancreas properly. "Be prepared to launch the clock. On my count, One… Two… There you go!"

Meredith cut the pancreas out while Maggie was slowing her circulation to the maximum via a bypass machine. Amelia took her place, climbing on a stool. She leaned down to start the splenectomy.

"I need the surgery magnifying loupe." Meredith asked. "So let's see…"

A nurse changed her glasses for her. Warren paced silently as Meredith excised the necrotic tissue on the pancreas and resected the organ, cutting it in two. She took the allograft softly between her gloved fingers and started repairing all the possible tears. It was a meticulous work. You needed a very steady hand to do it and a sharp eye for details to do that. You also didn't have all day to do this as the patient had been under for more than ten hour already. But Meredith seemed at ease and very focused. She may have trained. She may have been gifted from the start. But she was back to being the star in that OR, and she was also an excellent teacher since she let Stephanie help out.

Amelia was now done with the splenectomy. She was working through the soft muscle to find the bullet. A nurse sponged her forehead and her neck. It was incredibly slippery. But she couldn't tear or cut anything. Finally, she saw the bullet. But incidentally that's when that cursed beep started resounding in the air.

"Maggie?"

"She just enters arrhythmia. She's been 35 minutes under bypass. It was a smooth sail till now but I doubt she will be holding the 45 minutes at that rhythm. Amelia… "

"I'm almost there. Balloon of compression are installed. I can see the projectile. I just can't get a hold of it not from this angle."

The situation was tense in the gallery too as everyone was sitting at the edge of their seat.

"I can't grab it. If I apply more force, it will tear through the muscle. We certainly don't want to do that."

Maggie nodded.

"Pulse is falling down. Amelia? Please?"

Meredith turned slightly. She was ready to reattach any minute now. She showed Stephanie again how to repair with 0. 2 mm fibers, something Derek taught her. It made her think of him and…

"Don't look at it." Meredith said without looking away from her own task.

"What?"

"Derek wouldn't look at it. He would use his other senses."

"I don't know if you know but… I'm not Derek."

"Amelia…"

" I can't…"

"Look ahead and try… to feel it."

"I… just…"

"Yes, you can… Come on Amelia… Don't tell me you never saw him do this… Then he would brag about not losing his cool in the OR when we all know he sweated profusely at some point. Come on you can do it too… Just breathe."

Amelia closed her eyes and concentrated. The first time she tried it was a fail. But then she looked ahead again and tried to get a good grip. She thought she heard the distinct metallic noise when the surgical clip ensnared the bullet. She closed her eyes and slowly with no rush she pulled out.

"I got it."

She dropped the bullet in the tray and drew the blood out to clean the wound. She sutured. Then she took off all the balloon of compression. When she stepped away, Meredith took her place like a perfect synchronized device and Maggie and Edwards seconded her as they attempted to successful reestablish blood circulation.

All three of them held their breath as they waited for the EKG to stabilize its beeping… Unfortunately, her heart was not pumping fast enough and they realized they were losing her.

"It's not working. The pancreas is probably shot down. She has to go on the transplant list." Edwards said.

Maggie stopped her, her hand in the air.

"Wait a minute…"

Maggie pushed her hand in the patient's open chest and softly massaged her heart all the while looking at the monitor. Soon thanks to the assisted ventilation, the pancreas gained back its rosy purplish color.

"Yes! Yes! "Stephanie blurted out. "It's working. "

The third year resident could barely believe they managed to pull this off. Maggie checked again. It was indeed working.

"Good job, girls!" She said.

"We did it? We slayed this thing! No kidding!" Amelia said, equally stunned. She couldn't help the cry of joy from bursting out of her.

"Alright ! Alright! We just gave her the best chance. We have to wait for her to wake up. Time to close! Good job everyone!" Meredith said.

However she looked at Stephanie with tears in her eyes.

"You killed it, Edwards. You stood there for eight hours. This is your patient. This is your doing." She whispered.

Stephanie felt the tears coming too.

"Thank you, Dr Grey."

Meredith took a step back releasing all the air in her lungs at once. Then she heard it a single clap in the gallery. Meredith looked up, tilting her head at Warren. He was clapping. She smiled behind her mask, her heart filled with pride. He smiled back at her.


	33. Daddy said you're grounded

A/N: Some of you may have guessed, it's been a pain publishing and reviewing and such these days as the site is often in maintenance, the servers down. I wish I could answer properly to your reviews but not knowing if the servers will work today and for how long. I don't dare write something too long to the risk of getting badly aggravated if it doesn't work. Hope, you will continue to enjoy this story!

-33-

Daddy said: "You're grounded!"

Sitting on a chair in the hallway, Meredith was eating a chocolate bar. It was not that she was that hungry to begin with but the fact was that after so much action, she needed something to do. Debra had shown signs of recovery in ICU. And although she wouldn't be awake anytime soon with all the anesthetics her body ingested for the surgery, Meredith was confident that it was just a matter of time. Maggie also believed it. She was currently running a battery of post-op exams on Debra. They were in for a night of monitoring.

"I will be going, Dr Grey."

Meredith nodded as Patricia started to gather her things for the day. She looked at the clock. Patricia had been the Chief's secretary for god knows how long. Despite her rough cold exterior, she was a sweet woman very dedicated to her job but even her dedication had its limits. Meredith looked at her with some envy or curiosity. She honestly didn't know which. She wondered what one must feel like having a "9 to 5" job with no life or death situations and no responsibilities, a job where you could just pack your bags at the end of the day and leave everything behind. Obviously, she could never ask Patricia. But she was curious nonetheless. Patricia stopped, her bag on her shoulder, to water the green plants before she left in a perfectly organized routine. She turned to Meredith at last and told her that Chief Webber will be available soon and that meanwhile Meredith should wait patiently. Meredith nodded politely and Patricia said something about having to pick up her granddaughter at her best friend's house, about needing to buy a new umbrella and her new cellphone because hers didn't work properly. Meredith nodded again. Patricia wished her goodnight and left.

As soon as she was alone, Meredith picked up a magazine. What could she say? She wouldn't be caught dead reading Cosmo or any non-medical journal for that matter but she secretly loved those magazines where the readers confess their deepest secret. The one she opened up had a few interesting and scandalous titles, "My husband caught me cheating on him and he said it turns him on" or "I'm scared my teenage daughter is secretly in love with my boyfriend" or "My toddler is abusing me!" Meredith looked around her to make sure she was definitely alone and went directly to the article with the kinky husband. She blamed Ellis, her daughter for this. She got all these bad habits while waiting for her daughter to make an appearance in the world, and the waiting was long, tedious and lonely.

To add to the list of things she picked up during her last pregnancy, among ER reruns and other things, you will get eating burgers and french fries. She packed her few pounds she was unsure she would ever lose while expecting. She also discovered that she loved ordering things online. You could buy anything online, from pillows to bathroom carpet... to finding great bargains on formal dresses. And oh Shoes! So many pretty shoes! Speaking of ordering online, she bought a box of sex toys she never actually use. First, to her own defense, she was under duress when she made the order, half blinded by her pregnancy hormones. Second, she tried one and well it didn't work out so good in the end. She almost burned her "down there" in trying to come to an orgasm without any success. She was probably broken anyway without having any for so long. Meredith sighed. It was sure the type of conversation she should be having with herself right now! She frowned. Oh that poor woman, now she was forced to keep the lover so that her husband got his share of kink. That was so… sad, sick and wrong! Wrong! She laughed. And so funny!

She flicked the pages quickly and looked at the clock again. Alex had been sitting on the chair next to her earlier and he went in first but his interview had been on the short side. He had offered to wait with her after his turn but he was paged right in the middle of his thing with Webber and had to go back to the Pediatric floor. She was a bit relieved at that. She didn't want Alex to get in trouble because of her.

Appearing from nowhere, Miranda sat down next to her when she was in the middle of reading about the toddler that tyrannizes his own mother. Meredith dropped the magazine on the pile before Miranda tried to engage her in a conversation she clearly didn't want to have with her.

"I did what I have to do. I make no apologies for that." Miranda said.

That makes the both of them. Meredith said nothing and stared ahead at the bouquet of fresh flowers on Patricia's desk. It was nice and pretty.

"Meredith, you can't be always doing this." Miranda continued. "You're an attending now. You have to show by example. You're a mother of three. You can't be risking your job on a whim. You could have other surgeries like this. But you have only one chance to make things right."

Meredith didn't say a word in return. She waited for the storm to pass because she knew it was just a storm.

"I know you think I betrayed you somehow and you won't see that this is my way of looking out for you. Meredith, Stephanie Edwards had no business standing alone in that OR while you were doing god knows what. I mean you should have been there for her. If you couldn't you should have said something. "

To talk like Maggie, someone brought the thunder down inside the office. Meredith heard a hard knock coming from inside and a few loud voices. Miranda stood up and just like Meredith tried to peek into the blinds. They could only see a glimpse of what was happening inside, just a glimpse of the two men circling each other in the tiny office. Meredith took a deep breath unable to distance herself from the idea that this was her fault as she asked him to help her. He did without so much as a protest despite knowing he will get in a world of trouble because of it. She looked at the clock. They've been in there for more than fifteen minutes. What could Richard and Warren arguing over so ardently! She should be the one in there !

"Look what you've done!"

She raised an eyebrow at that and turned to Miranda. It was one thing to admit to herself her guilt but she didn't like the tone Bailey was taking with her. Who was she to walk that self-righteous path? Meredith did what she thought was best for her patient. The best for her patient happened to be her. Ask Maggie. Ask anyone who happened to be in that OR+.

"What I have done Dr. Bailey! I just saved a woman's life!" Meredith exploded.

"It was your actions that put her in danger to begin with!"

"I didn't cause her trauma! I didn't cause her cancer!"

"I'm not talking about her trauma! You left Edwards alone for three hours!"

"I can't be listening to you all day pretend that this was all about me, Edwards, or the patient's safety. You think you know me. Guess what I know you too! I know this is not about me right now."

"What would this be about? I spent my days cleaning up your mess… cleaning up everybody's mess!"

"Excuse me? You think if I thought for a second that I was in no condition to go back there, I would have risk the patient's safety. You think so little of me?"

"You shouldn't have been on that board. You had no business being team leader after your accident. You were in no condition to even be in that OR. This was against the procedure and we could have been liable to a lawsuit."

Miranda shook her head with disdain. Meredith was fooling herself if she couldn't see this.

"No! Maybe not! The chief chose the best surgeons to go in there. And I knew I trained for this and it was not that easy a move to pick up. You can't just do it because you know the procedure. I knew only I could do it. I knew I could do it well. You… You got jealous and you chose to erase the competition. That's all it was."

"What? You can't be serious!"

"It's all about Warren and you fighting for that job and he is better at it than you. He's been doing this for a long time. You can't see that. You don't wanna see that!"

"So you two are what now, best buddies?! You're members of a club of people who care so few for the rules that they make their own. How is it doing upstairs in your tower?"

"Just because I know what I'm doing doesn't mean my ego is inflated, Dr Bailey! But the view is wonderful from upstairs, thank you!"

"Is he there with you? Oh excuse me! He has the good hair thing going for him. What can I say? I'm no competition."

" I never said… You're doing it again. So I'm superficial because I can recognize talent! That's okay! If you want to pretend that it was all about your ethic…"

"I know someone like you can't conceive that. "

"What does that mean?"

"You're spoiled, Meredith Grey! You've always been so spoiled thinking the universe owe you anything! And I plead guilty because I contributed to spoiling you! That I blame myself for!"

"I'm not your intern anymore. I don't have to answer to you. You're not the Chief yet! So please, get out of my face now, Dr Bailey!"

Miranda glared in her direction and rolled her shoulders with attitude. The women exchanged hostile look before Miranda went in the other direction. As soon as Miranda was no longer in sight, Meredith regretted letting go of her temper. It was not even like she couldn't see where Miranda was coming from, it had been a risky bet, she acknowledged that. But she was right at the end to trust herself and he was right to trust her. Meredith heard raised voices and before she knew it she open that door and let herself in.

"Hey, that was my fault! I asked Dr Fresker to help me! Dr Webber, if you need to take it out on someone you should take it out on me. I'm the only one to blame!"

When she looked up, she was both surprised at the look the two men gave her. Richard had that befuddled and confounded look on his face. Warren seemed just as surprise but really not happy to see her. She frowned.

"I did this… It's on me!"

"I will see you in a minute, Meredith." Richard said calmly.

Warren's eyes went from Meredith to Richard.

"We're still discussing on that. Dr Grey, can you wait outside please?"

He could probably not hide it on his face, the fact that he was slightly annoyed to have his decisions questioned. Even her interruption came at the wrong time. In fact, he wasn't seeing the point for this conversation except if Richard meant to groom him into the Chief's job. That was the first rules of management. You only break the ones you wished to see evolve. Although that would mean that Richard underestimated him somehow. He didn't need for approval and never went fetching for those. And he had clearly told Catherine he didn't want the job. And what was she doing here? He could always trust her to do something stupid. She talked way too much when he was the one who allowed her to go back to that OR, not the other way around! She didn't convinced him. She didn't do something nice for him. He did. Again she wanted to do way too much and she was distracted him somehow ! Why couldn't she just sit there and wait to be called!

"But if you're arguing over me, I'd much rather be here! See, I was the one who…"

"Wait outside, Meredith! " Warren intervened again and pointed at the door.

Meredith looked at him angrily. Richard observed the two without a word. Meredith took a step back and felt as if she just got slapped but his eyes were unflinching and uncompromising. She felt as if she was about to explode again. She was just trying to help. Why would he behave this way? Why would he be this ungrateful! Meredith turned to Richard then but he nodded in agreement. Meredith felt like she was about to break something. She had no choice but to turn on heels and leave. She went back to her seat feeling very much like her old teenage self. Soon, she heard them talk again. She was still seething with anger when Amelia sat next to her.

"Hey…"

Meredith said nothing.

"You got my back in there."

Meredith breathed in through her nose her arms crossed over her chest.

"I don't know why I am so mad at you, Meredith. I know I can be unfair. Believe me I don't want to be. "

"Take a ticket, get in line, a lot of people are mad at me, Amelia. You're not on top of my list."

"Hey, I'm not here to pick a fight but to say thank you."

"I heard. " She replied coldly.

At this point, she couldn't care less. Thank you or I hate you sounded very much the same to Meredith right now ! Amelia rolled her eyes in frustration. What was she expecting? She didn't know exactly. Maybe she deserved that but again she was just trying to apologize."

"Okay, I…"

"I'm not selling the house. I can't sell the house. You can stay." Meredith said, her voice emotionless.

"Okay."

Amelia nodded and left. Meredith watched her go and closed her eyes to find some peace again. She didn't know how long she stayed there but then the door suddenly opened and Warren and Richard shared a warm handshake complete with a smile. They barely exchanged a glance before he was gone. Richard invited her inside. Meredith sat down feeling slightly exhausted and angrier than she's ever been in a long time.

The first part of Richard's speech got lost to her. She knew he was probably calling out her behavior of these past few days, her recklessness. She heard him say something about being worried about her. To say the truth she was staring at that cover picture of Derek being celebrated for "The famous Shepherd method" and couldn't quite take her eyes off his smug expression. He looked so young and confident on that picture. In addition, in his blue eyes, there was the most sincere of gazes. Derek really believed that any day was a beautiful day to save your life.

Looking at him was just nauseating a thought somehow, imagining what that open smile had become in that box. She felt tears slid on her cheeks. He had been her everything. He had been her partner. He had been her teacher. At the end of the day, she didn't regret one bit what happened in that OR. She saw Stephanie rise to the challenge just like she did once. Meredith also asked for help and discovered she had people to lean on. The only regret she kept from today was to be unable to tell him all about her day. She wished he could have seen her.

Richard stopped.

"Meredith?"

She looked up, a single tear still prisoner from her dark lashes. It made Richard pause.

"You understand what I just said. I did not want it to come to this."

She nodded though she had no idea what he was talking about. It must have shown because he repeated himself.

"Take it as a vacation of sorts."

"Take what as a vacation?"

Richard paused again. He pressed his fingers together in embarrassment.

"You're suspended for a week. You can finish the post-op check on Mrs. Pollard tonight and talk to the family. But you can already consider yourself off this case. I will need your post-op notes too."

Meredith gazed into Richard's eyes. He was looking at her with this apologetic look. She didn't flinched, her eyes filled with apathy.

"You broke protocols. And the truth is, I cannot been seen practicing favoritism."

She said nothing. She didn't remember asking for favors. Richard stood up and went to completely close his blinds.

"You did a great job out there. You were extraordinary. All of you… You gave the patient the best chance. "

Richard unbuttoned and rolled up his sleeves slowly.

"What happened to Warren?"

Richard stood behind her in silent.

"Chief Fresker?! I revoked his privileges! We argued quite a bit. We broke a few things. "

Meredith frowned, biting her lips nervously. Richard smiled again.

"I'm just joking Meredith. Well, half-joking only. I did not joke about the part where I revoked his privileges though. But I asked him if he wanted the job."

Meredith spun on her chair, her eyes wide.

"I know Miranda wants it too. She will probably have my head if she heard about this. Oh! I still think she can do it. This job. I'm only scared she doesn't fully understand what it is she will be asking for. "

He made a few steps in the office. Meredith followed him with her eyes.

"This is the job. It is an ungrateful job making policies you have to enforce all the while fighting against them yourself. Rules are a good thing… Rules are essential. Without them, we cannot practice. However, sometimes an exception is needed. Each case is unique and demand to be reviewed with a unique eye. It never gets simple. It never gets easy. You have to stand for each decision you take. Your stunt was incredibly risky and it was a vote of confidence. But…"

Richard tilted his head with half a smile.

"When I saw you and Maggie in that OR, I couldn't help it, I was proud, Meredith. I know your mother would have been proud too. "

Meredith lowered her gaze to the floor. A tear fell on the carpet while another one glided against her left cheek.

"Derek would have been proud."

She looked up again.

"I saw you stare at that cover behind me. I'm sorry I could not find it in me to get it down from the wall. Maybe Hunt had been like me. I think it belong there among the few things he gave to this hospital. Meredith… I know how it is… You think you can forget. You think it's a good day and that you're free to live it to the fullest and then you see something, a tiny thing, insignificant for most, but it bring you back. It reminds you of the pain. I know…"

Meredith's lips shivered as she struggled to breathe. Richard pushed the CD in the player. The first note of my Funny Valentine resounded in the air. Richard held out a hand.

"I know I can't give you hug and pat you on your back. I can't make the pain go away. But will you dance with me? "

Meredith nodded shakily. She moved slowly closer and Richard didn't rush her. His arms were simply open in invitation. Finally he held her hands in the air as they moved together. And she couldn't follow the rhythm to save her life but it was all okay with him. It was like after all these years of knowing each other, of working with each other. She was still a little afraid of him. Still not accustomed to him, there was still these perfectly reasonable distance they maintained other the year. She tried not to think of him as a mother's lover. He tried not to think of her as his lover's daughter. They were pretty still as they pretended to move against the music. She was no longer crying but leaning against his shoulder. He wanted to tell her that everything will be alright. But they were passed that point. He didn't really realize when they stopped but they did. They stood there long after the dance had ended. He stroked her back as she simply stayed there, catching a reprieve of sort.


	34. Please say that again

A/N: For reasons unknown, my internet connection is always playing tricks on me and if it's not that it's FF servers being down. I need to post this. It's probably not any good but it needs to go. I thank you for your support. Please keep reviewing I may not answer each chapter because of my connection problems (rain season I'm in the middle of it) but I read everyone of your comments.

-34-

i'bakih yalekewin degemelegn!/ Please say that again!

Negotiations the day before had taken hours and didn't go very far. He'd barely been invited to come back again and looking at his trusted watch, he realized he needed to expedite this process if he didn't want to get stuck in this country forever. He needed to be back on campus on Monday and that only left him with three days to solve the problem. Afghanistan was pretty. Endless mountains and magnificent opium poppy fields as far as the eyes could see were intriguing enough a sight if he had time for all this which he honestly didn't.

The men around him spoke in hushed tones in a dialect he didn't know. He drank so many cups of teas his bladder was about to explode but the young woman whose face was veiled served him again and he knew better than to even look at her, let alone talk to her and refused her hospitality. Though, his eyes trailed on her tremoring fingers as she spilled the tea on the small coffee table. She seemed exhausted with the whole process, her breath coming in ragged behind her niqab. She held her chest as she straightened herself and limped poorly to the women's room. The door opened again and three men came in heavily armed with Kalashnikovs. The atmosphere changed and he could see his translator and guide had grown tense.

"Verification was made. It seemed you are who you said you are." The man on the left said in English.

"But what a kid like you is doing here… is what I will want to know next." The man in the center said.

He was the man he came to see. Ahmad Masoud Ben Ghazi, also called the Commander had a hand on everything from opium trafficking to arms dealing, his rule extended over the whole region and even extremists faction listened to him. He sat there on a wooden throne of sort much more ornamented than the simple plastic chair he was sitting on. His greyish beard was the only thing giving him the appearance of an elder. His eyes were deep-seated greyish pits of wisdom. He didn't stare at people so much as he searched into their soul. When Warren didn't volunteer an answer the man sitting on the side, Ahmad's nephew, pointed his rifle at him. But the young student was in no hurry to commit a diplomatic mistake though and he picked up his cup of tea and had another one for the road. With just a firm gaze in his direction, the nephew was told to lower his weapon.

"I told you why I came. I told you what I want." Warren finally said.

"You came all this way."

"I came all this way… to get what I want."

"You're a long way from home."

"Not really… Not really…"

The whole room burst in laughter for reasons barely known to mankind and he pretended to laugh with them.

"Family… I like… a man who knows what that means. But we do have a problem as we are half-a-million short. This is a problem."

"I can't be moving that much money without consequences."

"If you have the money… I don't see the problem, _kid_. "

"Do you know about IRS and CIA?"

"You watched too much movies." One of the men said behind him.

They all laughed. He just smirked and kept his eyes trained on Ahmad.

"With all due respects, you probably didn't see enough of those. Considering my family's position, there is no way I can move that much money without it being troublesome for you and me. I came on my own with one purpose. This shouldn't get out of here. This has to stay between us. It cannot become troublesome. My family has ties in the region. We may lose a lot more than a few millions. They are a lot of things to consider, people's jobs to consider. If people were to start asking question, it will create more problems for me to solve. I don't have time for it. I have an exam on Monday."

He said, his eyes unwavering.

"An exam?"

"Yes…"

"Studying is great for the future… I have a son studying in England myself. What is your exam about?"

He honestly couldn't remember the words in Farsi so he spoke in English for the first time.

"Sociology… The pyramidal constructions of social classes…"

They laughed again. He humored them. Well, it was indeed as ridiculous a subject as it sounded.

"Sounds impressive... You are something, little Lion. I like you." Ahmad said. "But this is not a sale… You, Americans always want to negotiate. I don't trust…"

"I am not American." He cut in.

"Right, you came here with an Ethiopian diplomatic passport. What's that all about indeed ?" The nephew asked.

Warren ignored him.

"Saying that as an American I want to cheat you out of your rightful compensation is simply inaccurate, that's all. We had a deal. I will honor that deal. "

" The deal changed. Haven't you heard? This is a drop of money to you, American boy. We know you have much more." The nephew said again.

He didn't answer. His grandfather always said that once you were talking to someone in charge, never lower yourself to talk to the help. It would be a waste of time and would send the wrong message. Negotiation only happened between two people, not three or four, just two.

"I don't know what you expect. If you want the package, you will have to get me something I want. Nothing comes free or cheap in this part of the world. This is your people's influence anyway! If you can't give me what I ask, I will find someone who will. I know people who will pay a dear sum for that package. The men of Abd Al-Rahman Abdullah for instance, love American or half-American fresh meat... It makes for great… advertising… is that what you call it? You see what I mean? They also have millions to spare." Ahmad finally said after the room had been silent for an awkward amount of time.

"I will get you what you want…"

"You will get me my money…like we said."

"No, I will give you something you want." He repeated in Farsi.

"I didn't ask for anything else...yet. I just want my money."

"Your daughter, is it? The one from earlier… She is dying… I can help."

The man frowned deeply and the room grew silent once more, shock written on all their faces.

"Are you…threatening my family?"

"Shortness of breath… Troubled Vision… Blue fingertips…Tremors… They are indications of cardiovascular trouble… Her heart is probably failing her."

"What?"

"She is dying… But I can get her on a plane… and take her to a country with favorable medical care condition. I have a jet ready in Kabul with a full tank. Everything will be provided free of charge by our foundation from transport to medical care. In addition of traveling in all anonymity, she will be well taken care off I can promise."

"My daughter is not sick."

Warren leaned on his chair.

"Maybe she didn't tell you… Maybe she didn't want you to worry… But I'm sure you noticed it too how she gets tired more quickly… Where's your wife? Is she already dead? Problems like that are generally hereditary."

Ahmad didn't say anything at first, his face pale. As the shock settled on him, he could be heard taking a sharp intake of breath.

"She is dead. She died ten years ago… It was very unexpected."

The older man seemed lost in thought for a second.

"I know you care about her, your daughter, the dress she is wearing is more expensive than your own clothes… So you care probably more about her than your own life?"

"My children are everything to me, little Lion." He said pointing a finger downright for emphasis.

"Uncle! You will listen to him?! How do you know that much? You're not a doctor! He is just a student! He is con-ing you. He is a liar!"

"No…I'm not a doctor. But I will be... If I can pass that exam on Monday… I can graduate… meaning I get into med school… From there I can become a doctor. But believe me, I saw enough of this growing up to know how to recognize the disease. It's your call?"

"Half a million then?"

"And your daughter's life? "

"You have no fear in your eyes, little Lion. What if I take the money and I dig up a nice grave for you instead?"

"Well, then I won't become a doctor." He said with fatality in his voice.

There was a brief momentum before hilarity shook the room once more.

"Go get the package and tell Faiza, she is going on a trip. One of my sons will go with you to protect his sister. No daughters of mine travel alone."

"We can probably arrange that."

"If anything happened I will find you and you won't become a doctor, little Lion. Understood?"

He nodded and sipped the last drop of his tea leisurely.

"Last question, how can you be related with that idiot of a journalist?"

Being Chief was a lot about taking care of people. In that sense, the care you have for your staff is almost filial. You care for their well-being as much as you care for their sense of fulfillment. You will encourage them when needed. You will punish them also if need be. You will trust that they are exactly the best tools you have in your possession. All in all you want them to be happy little soldiers, dedicated to be fighting wars with you. However there is a distance you have to maintain. There is a degree of willingness you should never reach. There is a slight brick wall between you and them. You have to make that wall impenetrable. You have to, as a matter of survival, because sometimes, in order to save them, in order to care for them, in the way only the Chief knows, you will have to sacrifice them. You may even have to save one and not save the other. You will even have to be the villain and hung them yourself. This is not so much about what they want, but what they need and ultimately the most important thing it is about what you need.

Warren had been waiting for Meredith on the bridge all the while arguing his own need to explain himself. He shouldn't have to explain himself. He never asked her to go all self-sacrificing on him. As far as he was concerned he only ever asked her to act smart about everything she did.

But Meredith Grey was foolishly impulsive and she had such a mouth about her it was impossible for her to not find trouble as she goes. He knew that now while he was trying to negotiate with Richard on her behalf without it appearing too overbearing or conspicuous, tasks he majorly failed at thanks to her concerns. It worked well enough with Alex Karev. He said nothing and felt guilty of nothing. So there was nothing he could be punished of. If only she had kept her mouth shut!

But other than that, she was extraordinary. To be able to learn Kyle's flawless technique in such a short time, it was impossible. He had to see it for himself to really believe such creature existed. She was truly magical. Even more surprising to him was the fact she didn't seem phased by her own prowess. She didn't seem to realize herself what she accomplished there with bruised ribs and a minor concussion. As such, he didn't believe she deserved that suspension and tried to have it revoked but Chief Webber was pretty stubborn. Richard had this idea that it wouldn't be fair to the others and would send the wrong message to the rest of his team. It was a point of view he respected but didn't share. In his way of doing things, fairness and equity was often overestimated. You may do more harm than good, trying to convince people that they all bring the same to the table. Not everybody bring the same to the table. It was pointless for him to pretend otherwise.

Warren surveyed in one sweep the lobby below. Miranda Bailey and Alex Karev were talking to some patient's family. There was heavy crying and hugging involved. They had a good team here and they were certainly doing some very interesting work. They certainly did not lack the talent. But Meredith, she was an uncut diamond, one, so busy self-destroying that she didn't have any time to shine. Well, it certainly called for him. Could he see himself working there? To be honest, it was not such a far-fetched idea although he was in no way ready to admit this much.

His phone alerted him of incoming messages and it pulled his attention back to his own problems. The messages were from his lawyers telling him the situation was somehow contained in Annapolis but they needed to speak soon. Warren was quickly debating with booking the last flight tonight. He would be home by midnight. He looked at the clock on his cell. He could certainly make it. There was still plenty of time. But he couldn't forget the way she looked at him and…

He almost missed when Meredith crossed the bridge behind him, pretending to not look at him, all draped in some fake dignity, certainly not looking like someone who would be in a chatty mood. He resisted the temptation to smile. He resisted also the temptation to thrust her over the balcony. She was so stubborn. She was utterly insufferable. How did Shepherd managed with her? He sighed, not able to hide his irritation.

"If I was in a nice mood, I would congratulate you and Meredith Grey on not making this about you two. Oh wait! It is about you two! I just missed the memo as usual!"

Catherine said as she leaned on the balcony.

"Typical…"

"Of what?"

"I knew it would come to me having to explain… When there's nothing to explain really…"

"After I asked you not to go there, Warren? Did you listen to me? Do you ever listen to me?"

"This is not about me and Meredith Grey… There's no "me and Meredith Grey". I worked with her. I helped her so that she could save that woman's life. That's exactly what she did. She rose to the challenge and saved that woman's life. "

Catherine frowned.

"She impressed you…"

"Damn right she did, Kyle is the only other surgeon in this country able to pull this off and she learned his trick in one hour. Her husband was not the star. She is. That's called professional interest, here."

"Really? Look at me!"

He turned to face her. She smiled wickedly.

"Oh! I'm sorry. I was just about to take the fact that she just went and pretty much ignore you… as a sign you two lovebirds are sharing some kind of deep meaningful relationship beyond the professional curiosity thing."

He smirked.

"You always had a sense for drama. And if you could see all that in a matter of seconds… you should be able to tell me when the market will drop…"

"Maybe my eyes are deceiving me… Is that what you're saying?"

"It could be… age is a little more than a number. For some people, it's a reality."

She shook her head in denial.

"It's okay. Age is something real. I will give you that. That's why when my knees are hurting and I smell rain in the air, I know without an ounce of a doubt there's going to be a storm. I am old like that, baby. Very proud of it too."

"You asked me to assess your team… It's what I did. That's all. Meredith may be unhappy about things, her own personal things, but that's not my problem, is it? It's got nothing to do with me?"

"Then why don't you take the job if it is that simple."

"I don't need a job. I have one."

"You went to all this trouble… I thought you wanted to help me…"

"I am helping you but I have a job, you remember? In Annapolis…"

"Nonsense… This is complete nonsense. We're doing great work here."

"I know… I noticed. Did I say otherwise lately?"

"This is the best fit for you."

She watched with amusement his jaw locked in irritation as he bit back a nastier argument for a more diplomatic approach.

"You're so convinced you know what I need and you're so good at telling me what I should do, I wonder when you do have time to mind your own business. Do you think you could? Perhaps? For once?"

Maybe not so diplomatic after all.

"Oh we're touchy…"

"We didn't sleep much. In order to help."

"You're so cute when you don't sleep… I remember the old days when you were just a big baby so cute and innocent… barking for my attention… Like a cute enraged puppy. I remember these days where I tame your kind as a hobby."

"I hate you sometimes."

"I love you all the time, Darling."

"I don't want it. Your job. Do I have to brood and bark?"

"Liar…Is it about Amelia Shepherd?"

"Now I know you want to see me enraged, Catherine?"

Catherine stopped smiling and turned to face him.

"Shh…. Richard is coming…"

Richard was coming out of his office, waving to his wife to wait for him. But thankfully, he was stopped halfway by the Head of Oncology. Catherine sighed.

"You didn't tell him?"

"Should I have told him?"

"You're killing me. You said you needed me. But you put me in this kind of position."

"No, this is me holding you together, baby."

'"No, you're definitely killing me. I'm gonna catch the next flight."

"And I thought you would be dining with us…"

"And I thought you knew me a little…"

"You love Richard."

"Well, he is great indeed. "

"So…"

"This a level of awkwardness not yet attempt and I won't even dare try going there with you."

"You don't know how to have fun."

"Where's your son, _Madame Irma_ ? You would be using your third eyes for the greater good. Again it's just a thought. Where's Jackson?"

"Probably where children gather to commiserate on their parents, you know the place?"

"It's not about you. He has problems other than you, you know."

"Do you? Nevermind. Don't answer that!"

"You're awfully snarky like someone who drink straight from a bottle of bitterness and disappointments. It can't be that bad, right?"

"Before my coffee! Yes, it does that to me! I don't know… I wish I had more children… So that I wouldn't be so worried about the only one I have… The one I unfortunately slapped… and drove away…"

"Now, you're lying…"

"I'm lying… I don't really like children that much. She's got children you know."

"Stop it…"

"I just wanted to remind you. She does. They're little Shepherds too."

"You're never gonna make it easy for me. That's why I don't want the job."

"Liar… What if I promise I won't intervene… I won't say a word. If you take this job, this burden off my shoulders, I will be completely quiet and appeased. I will find a new hobby. Maybe I will go drink some Mai Tais on a sandy island."

"Don't bother Catherine, I tried… It's sad. He's stubborn… and hell-bent on making the wrong choices… Children…" Richard said as he settled next to his wife on the bridge.

"I see you two were made for each other."

"Do you hear that, love? The truth at last!"

"I hear… I hear!" Richard said.

"Deep down, he wants to stay with us forever. Children!" Catherine said.

"You're delusional as always… And you found someone who encourages you...Aren't you the lucky one?!"

"I will never give up on you. Remember!" Catherine said, throwing an arm around his. "I got you."

Catherine tightened her grip as he pretended to go climb over the balcony. She let out a deep ringing laugh.

"You're an idiot. Only I know that." She whispered.

The airplane had soared in the air without a problem. Even if they had a passport problem at a security checkpoint for the boy, but it all went fine. A little Baksheesh had settle the dispute and they could all embark on the private Jet. It was a seventeen company seats complete with integrated recliners and marbled covered tablets. After a quick shower on one of the plane's luxurious bathrooms, Dyshiki or Lloyd Paul Fresker as he was starting to be known on CNN, the newly created news channel, sat down in front of his older brother Warren with the most complacent grin on his face. Warren humored him, one hand supporting his jaw that is. He smiled again playing with the sleeves on his shirt. Well, it was one of his. They were practically the same size except Dyshiki was slightly leaner, his body more athletic than his brother.

"I knew you wouldn't give up on me, Amb. I knew you'd come!"

He finally said when he realized his brother was not keen on being the first to engage the conversation. With a distracted look at the window, Warren never gave an indication he actually heard his brother. But Dyshiki was not detered and continued on the same tone.

"How is dad?"

"Oblivious as per usual."

Dyshiki laughed at that. If Warren was to describe their father at all time, he would always call him oblivious. It was almost a joke between them. Of course, his father had been oblivious to his absence. Apart from his humanitarian programs and charity events, their father had no particular interest in anything, especially as far as his children were concerned.

"I… was scared he would notice for once and make a big deal of things." He laughed.

Warren didn't so much as blink.

"I guess… It won't happened. The others?"

"I kept them in the dark."

"How are they?"

Warren remained again silent.

"I guess you don't know. It's cool. Maleki should be in School and Kanaan too. They should not be worrying. They should be busy chasing girls. Where are they stationed now?"

"India."

"Yes, of course that's where Father is."

Warren shrugged.

" So the girl… That's Ahmad's son? Ahmed... Is it his daughter? She looks sick."

Dyshiki said referring to the two remaining passengers of the plane.

"That's none of your business."

" I just…I'm sorry, man. I just… I fell into a trap and… My driver escaped but… Amb…"

" I don't care. I'm here because she asked me too."

Something in Dyshiki's blue eyes shifted because he angrily leaned forward.

"Because she asked you too? You can be the biggest dick sometimes."

Warren shrugged.

"Where did you find the money?"

"I emptied my trust."

"I will give it back to you…"

"You don't make that kind of money. You only know how to spend it."

"You should have asked…"

"The family? Your employer?"

"You always think you're above us just like Grandfather."

"Give me a break, Che Guevarra."

"You should have sold that boat."

"You wanted me to sell the boat?"

"Well, you certainly don't seem like you want to talk to me anymore, let alone sail with me, so why bother."

"You're right. I will make arrangements soon!"

Dyshiki punched the tablet on the side hard.

"Fucking stop that! Amb... Don't kid…yourself! I know you'd always come!"

"I knew you planned this."

"I just told you…"

" This is you… I know you better than I know myself. You always choose whatever path that gets you what you want… So I knew you probably knew your security was compromised and you went anyway knowing I'd be forced to come get you."

"I love her."

"I'm sure you do."

"I won't hurt her."

"I'm sure you want to tell yourself that."

"What's your problem? She's not… random for me. This is not just a phase."

"I know she is not… and she made a choice. You both made a choice. It has nothing to do with me anymore."

"Amb, look at me. I need you… to forgive me. I would do anything for you to forgive me. I want my brother back! Can't you see that?"

Warren looked away.

"I need to sleep. I have an exam in eighteen hours… I will probably be just in time for it. They should wake me up before we land." He said as he stood up.

Before he could settle in another, Dyshiki grabbed him by his neck and pulled him closer.

"You listened to me, you sanctimonious little piece of shit, I am your blood. You cannot shut me out like you do other people! I'm not Ma or Dad! You cannot do this to me, Amb. I can take anger. I can take rage. But indifference is not an option! So you will talk to me…"

"You think you will always get what you want no matter the time of day. Get this! Next time, I shouldn't be your first phone call."

"Next time, I might end up dead."

"Well, these things happened… when you're not careful… "

"I'm getting married."

"Like I said… These things happened."

"I need you to be my best man."

Warren pushed him away hard.

"I need you to go fuck yourself… But... I… don't always get what I want… I made peace with that!"

"i'bakih yalekewin degemelegn, Ambesa! Just look at me when you say it! "


	35. Harsh job description

A/N: **To my beloved readers** , I learned today I was going to be given a couple more responsibilities at work and it means even less free time. It would probably be the end of our perfect back to back schedule. Between my internet connection, , It's like the universe is trying to slow me down in finishing this story. But I will be fighting, I will keep pushing for updates, do not worry. But I wanted to warn you if the "five days mark" go by without an update. Don't hesitate to review or send a PM, it will keep me engaged like a anchor. I want to see the end of this story with all of you.

-35-

Harsh Job description

Miranda Bailey listened with a weak ear as Alex explained the situation to the mother and sister of Debra Pollard. The women were in bit of a shock but that was normal. To hear, your granddaughter was dead and your daughter was in ICU recovering from gunshot trauma and a cancer surgery. It had to be confusing. Warren Fresker stopped on the bridge with his phone in his hand. He looked deep in thoughts. Looking further ahead, Miranda saw Meredith Grey walked through the bridge to the surgical ward. The two of them crossed path and didn't look at each other. Miranda raised an eyebrow at that. What? Trouble in paradise already? As if she couldn't have predicted this? Miranda pursed her lips and shook her head slowly. Her?Jealous? Meredith Grey, why don't you do some intense growing up presumably before your own children graduated from college ? Like she could be jealous of that poser! She did what she had to do! They were rules for a reason! Miranda shrugged in irritation and got back to Karev and the Pollards.

She ignored him. Frankly, she didn't even mean to. It just so happened that when she saw him, her feet started to carry her faster toward the end of the bridge. He was complications, shiny glossy complications dressed in a suit. And she knew she would be best avoiding those… So when she left Richard's office, overwhelmed with mixed feelings, and she saw him standing on that bridge, she stared straight ahead, and prayed whatever pagan religious figures that he didn't turn and try to talk to her. She didn't want him tell her he felt justified in sending her back to her sandbox like a child. He was not justified. He was not the Chief, at least not her Chief. He should never had talked to her that way! Well saying it like that, it didn't exactly scream maturity despite what she told Miranda. Oh Miranda! What was that about? She was not the only one messing up around here.

Meredith entered the surgical department and stumbled abruptly on Edwards.

"Dr Grey, I'm glad to see you. The father is here. He asked to see his wife. I can't find Dr Pierce."

Meredith yawned, feeling like exhaustion was trying to kick back in. That was probably not the answer Edwards was searching for. But a week-long suspension as in a week-long vacation sounded great right now. No regret.

"Are you okay, Dr Grey?"

She grabbed a pen and picked up a chart before seemingly changing a mind.

" Yeah. Listen… I think Alex … Dr Karev was downstairs with the grand-mother and the sister."

She wasn't exactly sure since she almost run through the bridge and she was making a wild guess. But Stephanie didn't contradict him and simply nodded.

"Will someone call him? They should all be here. It will be easier." She suggested.

Meredith nodded.

"I agree. There are still complications that should be discussed."

"I should probably go downstairs…"

"Why?" Meredith asked genuinely confused.

"Well… you said someone…had to go." Stephanie started hesitantly.

Meredith's face broke into a smile. She may have just found the perfect specimen. A brunet was limping his way out of the elevator weakly.

"Interns can do that. You? What's your name?"

"It's Douglas, Dr Grey! Dr Edwards!"

Edwards smiled.

"Go get Dr Karev! Tell him the father is here too. " She said.

"The father? I don't know… "

Meredith frowned, and turned slowly to see why "whatshisname" was still lingering behind her like the spirit of past Christmas. And Douglas got the message immediately and disappeared from their sight and it was the most amazing vanishing act.

"That was amazing. I want to learn that…" Stephanie said.

Meredith shrugged. That was nothing.

"You need to learn that… So they can fear even your good side…"

Stephanie nodded. Was it the secret behind Medusa?

"I see…"

"Keep them on their toes…"

"I should know."

"Well, you sorta graduated today, Edwards. You just extended the life of his wife by far. You gave them more time so she can fight this thing properly. You gave her more than 50% chance at recovery. You probably want to tell him yourself. Of course, she will need radiotherapy... possibly chemotherapy… But well, she has more time now."

"Dr Grey… You were so great back there. Without you as an inspiration…"

Meredith grabbed her phone in the drawer of the nurses' station. She looked at the time. She needed to send a message to Wendy. She didn't think she will be able to make it to dinner. She had to stay a little longer for post-op checking. There were a number of things that could still go wrong. And well, if she was suspended she might as well get her papers in order before going home.

"You did well, Edwards. That was some great work. That was a victory. Yours. You should definitely celebrate every victory you can."

Meredith made eye contact and smiled. Stephanie smiled back and nodded, allowing herself to feel just a tiny surge of pride.

"Let's go!"

She said without looking up. Message sent. Less than thirty seconds later, she received a message where Wendy asked her what time she thought she could be home. She said sorry and sent a brief apologetic "Tomorrow". She could not give her a time and then disappoint her. If anything in Debra's status were to change, she would want to be first on call. Wendy sent a kind "It's okay, Mrs G." followed by an understanding smiley face. At least, Wendy had always been nice about it, her crazy hours. She was very flexible and never complained. She accepted the "no warning" babysitting duties. Blake, her old nanny was a bit more demanding. She accepted changes in schedule only 24h in advance and it was sometimes a challenge to make it all work, with Derek's departure and his… Well, she had to make it work somehow and Blake was no longer available. Despite what she said to Cristina about the lack of cooking skills of her babysitter, she considered herself lucky to have found Wendy. Meredith stopped in her tracks to send a quick "Thank you ++, ur a lifeline."

"She is really promising this one." Warren said as he saw Meredith and Stephanie enter Debra Pollard's room with a man on their tails.

"Yes, I was really surprised at her potential. She handled the situation quite well." Catherine conceded.

"They were selected to be here. They're not here by accident." Richard said a bit miffed.

He was on the interview committee for admittance in the residency program and didn't like what his wife was seemingly implying on his recruiting skills.

"Dear, you have to admit some of them… look as if they've just been parachuted here like last minute army rations." Catherine said.

Abernathy just crossed the floor with an ice cream and a pile of charts. Guess which items, he dropped on the floor? Warren smirked at that. Catherine shook her head while holding onto Richard's arm.

"At least, you saw what I was talking about. We do push things around here. "

She turned to Warren.

"If it's always like that, that's a lot of pushing… A Lot of work…"

"You love work."

He gave her a look that said let it go.

"Where's Miranda? I wanted to congratulate her. That was some great team work." Richard intervened with a glance in Warren's direction. There was no forgetting his protégé in all of this. Warren barely acknowledged Bailey with a nod although he thought she was quite competent if not a bit stubborn and overbearing. He didn't think he would make it on Bailey's favorite list anytime soon. That was probably mutual.

"She is with Karev explaining the situation to the family I heard."

"Then who is with Meredith and Edwards?"

Richard shrugged. He turned to a nurse who was arranging a bouquet of flowers in a plastic vase.

"Mary? Who is this with Dr Grey and Dr Edwards?"

"Oh that's the father, Mr Pollard! He just came back."

"Well, finally…"

Warren frowned upon noticing the bouquet of flowers. Matsumoto Aster and Tulip seemed like a strange enough combination but their blue was striking. He was reminded of something in his past again. His thoughts were decomposed in sequences. It reminded him of something in his distant past. A china vase shattered itself again the wall. He was brought to the moment he found petals in the Pollard car. He took a step back as some pieces of the puzzle fell into places hard.

"Who brought this?"

"Oh, Mr Pollard asked me to put it in a vase. It's for his wife."

When realization dawned on him, Richard and Catherine had already gone on without him. He grabbed Mary's arms and leaned and whispered in her ears. Her eyes widened whether at the probability of all of this, but she realized he was quite serious. She hesitated only for mere seconds before she reached for the phone. Warren quietly went straight to that room. He knocked a few times, and Meredith came to open the door as Stephanie continues talking to the father.

"What is it?" She asked abruptly.

He looked at her and could see only anger in her eyes. Was she going to comply to his demands? Or was she going to be as difficult as she was earlier?

"Can I have a word with you, Dr Grey ?"

Meredith frowned in concentration. Sensing something was quite wrong with him, her gaze softened. She was not sure if it was his expression who gave him away or the way he emotionlessly said her name, the distance he suddenly put between them.

"Yes."

She approached then.

"I'm sorry Sir, can I also borrow Dr Edwards?"

Meredith paused. It was Stephanie's turn to be perplexed.

"I was just finishing with Mr Pollard. Just a moment… Mr Pollard, do you understand? She is not out of the woods yet…"

Meredith stared in his eyes.

"Edwards now." Meredith said not taking his eyes of him.

She faked a brief smile in Stephanie's direction.

"Okay, I'm sorry, Mr Pollard. I will come back to you very shortly."

Meredith turned back to Warren and grabbed the doorknob for support. Warren lowered his gaze then as he moved aside, inviting them to leave the room. Stephanie came out first not thinking much of it. But Meredith stood in the doorway just looking at him. She was staring so hard at him she could pierce a few holes in his armor. So he yielded quite a bit and made eye contact. He showed her emotions. Fear. He needed her to step back. He was protecting her. Again! What a frustrating man! Meredith thought angrily. He wanted her to just watch it happen. Was he just crazy? She blinked back and finally realized she was holding his arm. Without realizing, she was holding him back. He nodded again.

The old Meredith, the Meredith of yesterday would have just closed the door and stayed with him. Meredith let go. But that was the Meredith of yesterday, this Meredith realized that even if she was a shitty mother through and through, who ruined her children enough that they will need later a lifetime subscription at the family therapist, a mother who never gets to lull her children to sleep at night, well, she was all they got. She could no longer leave them behind with a few crappy gifts as consolation prizes. So, she left. It took all she had to close the door behind her. But she did so quietly, grabbing a confused Edwards by her arm, and making a couple steps in the nurse's station direction. That's when they heard the gunshot. Meredith didn't scream but Stephanie did. Meredith held her stronger, kept walking, kept pulling her to safety behind the nurse's station. Stephanie was struggling to turn to see what happened. People were running all around them. Richard was screaming something. Catherine fell back behind a gurney in the hallway.


	36. Things got out of hands

-36-

Things got out of hand

Alex closed his eyes, wishing this intense feeling of awkwardness will pass. It was the fifth time Clementia Woll, Debra Pollard's mother, felt the need to hug him. He didn't feel very deserving of those hugs since he couldn't erase the fact that Little Celia died on his table. But he was not egotistical or even stupid enough to think the hug was for his own benefit. Clementia was shivering and crying, her salt-and-pepper hair braided in a loose ponytail over her shoulders. The older woman needed comforting and well nothing he said so far has done the trick. Since he told them about Celia's death, both women were in shock. They kept asking the same question over and over not quite believing the severity of the situation. It was the third time the sister Mandy asked him if Ryan was really alright and who could have possibly done such a thing. And for the umpteenth time Clementia explained her daughter was quite normal, she was just an ordinary stay at home mom and this couldn't have possibly happened to her. She had the tiniest inclination for collecting vouchers and coupon code but she never heard it was a sin anywhere. She added that she heard a story on the news on a family who had been assaulted in similar fashion in the streets of New York, but afterwards it was discovered they were drug dealers. She insisted it was not something her daughter could have done. Debra had been raised in a good family where nobody was in that kind of stuff. They were normal people. Why did this happen? Alex nodded again and again, to the point he barely made sense of their questions anymore. He was rather annoyed Miranda abandoned him to go chat with her husband.

He was at a loss of words. So when he saw Maggie come out of the elevator, he felt passably relieved when she approached them.

"Hey, I want to introduce you to Dr Margareth Pierce. She is the Head of Cardiology. She is also one of Debra's doctors working the case. Like I told you, your daughter's got our whole team working for her. She is in good hands."

"What does it mean? Cardiology? Her heart's not working?" The sister asked.

"This is Mandy Collins. She is Debra's sister. This is her mother, Mrs Woll. " Alex continued, imploring her for help. "I already explained the extent and the severity of Debra's injuries. But maybe you want to add something."

Maggie nodded in understanding. She understood he was asking for help.

"I wish we could have met in other circumstances. But I have pretty encouraging news, the surgery went well and we managed to stabilize Debra for the night… and we're waiting for her to wake up. We have good reasons to think she can do this soon… Her neurological exams result came in early and it was encouraging. "

"What does that mean?"

Alex took over again.

"Well, as you know the team worked all day to take out all the bullets and scraped her tumor. It was an extremely invasive surgery and there were a couple of expected complications…"

Maggie chimed in with a gentler tone.

"But all in all, her first exams let us think she is one hell of a fighter and she may overcome all this."

"Oh yes, my daughter is a fighter! She is! Lord she is!"

"Mrs Pollard is more than an example of resilience and we're doing anything we can." Alex said.

"See, that's why we can hope for the best too as her doctors." Maggie added.

Alex turned to look at her, at the way she said it, the right amount of conviction she put behind her words. It seemed it made the difference and he saw Clementia nod in understanding, her face a little bit more composed. Her daughter Mandy held onto her for support.

"When can we see her? Is her husband there? I tried to call my brother-in-law but he didn't answer. Was he wounded too?" Mandy asked, holding her mother's arm to show support.

"It's true visitors are not allowed in ICU at this hour but we do make exceptions for the first family visit. Dr Karev and I, we will escort you upstairs. As for your brother-in-law, he's been… "

The detonation was heard in the whole hospital. It was a sudden bang followed by an explosion of shattered glass. Alex heard screams and people started running toward the door. He grabbed Maggie's lab coat and encouraged the other ladies to follow as they all ran outside. But he stopped short on the threshold as he realized Meredith and Jo might still be inside.

"You stay here!"

He told Maggie but it fell in deaf ears. The young woman followed him anyway and they both rushed through the stairways. Alex stopped half way through the bridge, as he noticed her.

"What did I just told you?"

"What? You were born with a bullet-proof skin I didn't know about." Maggie snapped.

"What?"

"We do this together or we don't. I'm scared in case… you didn't know… Meredith… and Richard… and everyone…"

"So you become bossy when you're scared!"

"Yes… I don't know! It's all new to me!"

"It's all déjà vu to me. Trust me! I need to find Jo… That's why I asked you to stay put!"

"…and Meredith… and…Do you think?"

"She is okay. She has to be…Yes… "

They were startled as police officers in uniform flooded the gates. Alex felt a sense of relief as they immediately climbed the stairs, a sign they were aware of the threat and its origin.

"Sir, Madam, get down please. " One of them told Maggie and Alex.

Alex and Maggie obeyed and dropped by the railings. Alex looked around him and below. Miranda was hiding with Ben behind the deserted help desk. Her face was framed with tears. Alex moved to get to the stairways but Maggie pulled him back by his sleeve.

"No, you're not going inside of there."

"Let go!"

"Let the police do its work! You can only be a bother. It won't help Jo or Mer if you get yourself killed."

He knew she was right. He just knew there was not much he could do right now. He's done this before he was telling himself. He was okay. This was nothing out of ordinary for him. He's been in worse danger than this. They've been in worse danger than this. He didn't know why but he felt a painful twitch in his left side and shoulder reminding him of his encounter with Gary Clarke in a furniture room. A drop of sweat poured on his face, a growing unease ate at his insides, and he grabbed Maggie's left hand for support, although he didn't know if it was more to comfort himself or her. But she thankfully made no big deal of it. She nodded reassuringly. She looked rather confident right now for someone who just claimed to be terrified.

"It will be fine." She whispered. "We will all be fine."

"How do you know?" He asked roughly. She was irritating to the core.

"The police is here. I don't know. But I feel like if this was it, I'd feel it somehow."

"You don't feel it."

She frowned. He was for a second sorry to have to burst a bubble. There was no such thing as sensing an imminent death in his opinion. Like he sensed his own demise the day before it happened… As if he knew Georges would be patient John Doe… As if he knew, he would wake up to the day Meredith would drop on him the news that Derek was freaking dead? Even more so, when you were in that position where your life hung in a balance, things were never that clear.

"Really?"

"Nah, you go around… going about your day… minding your own business as usual and then you get shot and you bleed to death in some elevator… on hard dirty concrete… without nobody knowing."

"Okay…" Maggie nodded, perplexed. Alex nodded with mirth at the face she made. The face she made was hilarious and totally inappropriate. But well, Beastie asked for it. He couldn't have given her a more accurate if not a tad gruesome description of death even if he wanted. The grim reality of the situation they were facing seemed to settle at last on her face.

"You should have stayed downstairs." He concluded.

"And leave you to die by yourself in some cold elevator? What kind of human being do you think I am?"

"The smart kind?"

" Nope, I don't think so mister. That day may come I'm not saying but you still owe me. I ought to be there to see whatever... I mean! "

"I'm not kidding, Maggie. This is dangerous!"

"I'm not kidding either. You still owe me… Alex… At least a thousand of sugar treats by now… I just hope if it is the day well… I hope."

She stopped mid-sentence as she was reminded of something.

"Nope, it can't be the day. I'm late paying my bills. I'm never late usually but I've been so busy. So I'm late. I need a new hair trim. I only cut my hair on the first day of the new moon. That's next week. My Nana said you always have to cut on the new moon."

" Too much info… and girl stuff… Don't care!"

" Oh! And I have a patient coming in two weeks! It's a little girl! She's adorable. You will see. Her parents are flying her from New Jersey so that I can still follow her case. So you're in for a treat. She is so funny and adorable. She is a ray of sunshine despite having bigger problems than all of us combined. I love her. It's impossible not to. She is a cure in need of a cure. You will help me on that case, right? Of course, you will. You owe me. You can't die today. We cannot. We have too many things to do together. Same goes for the others. So, I'm not worried."

"You are worried."

"I am but at the same time I'm not. You?"

Alex frowned.

"You're weird."

"You're weirder."

The staff locked on the surgical floor started coming out at once. Alex and Maggie exchanged a glance.

"See, what I told you!"

"I can't believe she had the nerve to talk to me that way. That Meredith Grey! She is a big baby unable to take responsibility! Not long ago, guess who was responsible for her ass! Or better guess who saved her life!"

Miranda paced in the lobby.

"At least you guys got something right out of the situation; she did manage to save that woman!" Ben ventured.

"What? Anybody with a good sense could have done that." Miranda snapped back.

"The vascular thrombosis suture is…"

"Alright, it is a complex procedure, I admit only above average surgeons can do it. She is not the only one talented here. She should have called for backup. There are rules for a reason. And Edwards as good as she was shouldn't have been left alone."

"Yes, probably… but she did the job. They all did." Ben leaned on the help desk, sipping his soda with a straw wistfully.

"Whose side are you on?"

Miranda had her hands on her hips when she said it. He knew he had to choose his next words carefully.

"There is a side to choose now?

"I did what I have to do!"

"I never said you were wrong to call the chief."

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm just saying…"

"Why are we having this conversation about Meredith Grey and her always forbidden and inappropriate love affair again? "

"I am not the one talking about Meredith, you are. I just wanted to ask you if you would wait for me tonight so we could grab dinner on our way home since Tuck is with his father. "

"So now you're telling me it's my fault…"

"Miranda… please ! Baby! I need help here! I just came with an invitation for dinner in my sleeves, nothing else! I am an innocent bystander please. Don't shoot me!"

" That's not even funny!"

"I don't know what to say."

Miranda's expression softened.

"Ben, my love… my beloved husband, you just have to say I was right. You don't even have to say it. I know I was right. She was wrong and he…He is all kind of wrong. He is wrong for her!"

"You told me she told you that it was not this kind of relationship."

"I have eyes."

"Baby!"

"I know her. She is looking at him and he is looking at her. He favors her. She favors him. They break rules together. They think they're so smug together. They are in their own little universe lusting after each other, trying to make you believe they're not thinking about it. But! Been there. Done that. This is just like spelling the word "trouble", you just know how to do it. You just know. She doesn't want to see that! That I just know!"

"You're not listening either. Okay, humor me. What if there is a mutual attraction? I'm not saying there is. I'm not saying I see it. But what if there is? Why would it be so wrong?"

"Because…"

"Because of what…"

"She is married… Well maybe she is not… She is… technically but… I mean… She…She…"

"Miranda… calm down! Meredith is okay!"

"He can't be my competition. He is too arrogant! He has jerk tendencies… He's totally her type!"

"Miranda, baby…"

"She is not ready! She is not okay!"

"You mean you're not ready?!"

"He was not right. He was wrong. Worst of all, he is supposed to have all these answers but he keep breaking rules. This is not how we do things. We don't break rules."

Ben gave her a pointed look.

" Okay we do break rules sometimes. But even Derek wouldn't be so stupid and reckless… and he… was… all these things… But not in that way… I can't explain. It's a feeling… that something is about to get down. "

"This is…"

"Huh Huh, don't say it! I'm not obsessed with winning. I know it's not all about me… "

She heard the gunshot like everybody else but she was surprised at how unfamiliar it sounded. It was not like she was supposed to know the sound by memory. But it was expected her heart jumped a little and her hair started to stand up. None of that happened. Instead, she froze there. Her eyes became glassy. The screams and shouts were all muffled and things seemed to happen in slow motion. She saw Alex and Maggie ran to the door. She frowned. What was happening to her? Ben was the one who moved. He pulled his wife quickly toward the door but she just stood there, her eyes hollow and devoid of emotion. So he changed his mind and lifted her small frame to carry her behind the desk. She sat down because he forcefully pulled her down with him.

"Miranda? Miranda? Baby?"

Miranda remained silent and distant, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Amelia Shepherd sighed behind her mask and surgical glasses. Shortly after her brief one-sided conversation with Meredith, or shortly after her lonely monologue she would call it later, Amelia had been called to consult on one of Owen's trauma patient. The man, a 24-years old computer engineer fell from the stairs at work as he was making a joke about chicken while walking backwards. His colleagues thought he was faking it for comedic purpose, but no, he really did fell two rounds of stairs and sprained his neck.

"You should have called immediately." She grumbled.

Now, his brain was swelling and she had to relieve his intracranial pressure quickly and it was a delicate procedure, one that had the better chance of success the quicker you intervene.

" I did page you." Owen snapped back curtly. He didn't like being told that he didn't do his job, especially when he asked that she'd been paged at least five times.

"Well, I was quite available… So I don't know how you had trouble reaching me…"

The surgical nurses looked at each other curiously. Owen cleared his throat. Did she really want to have this conversation with him now?

Amelia looked up, confidence in her eyes. She just managed to drain cerebrospinal fluid to lower the pressure in his brain.

"Pressure is getting down. I don't see much damage. I will need new CTs anyway. But it seemed that he will live to tell that tale and make inappropriate jokes. Live his life making idiotic choices…"

" Something you too have in common..."

"Excuse me!"

"You come here with all this prejudices against my patient… against me when…"

"When what?"

"You're the one who's making us waste our time?"

"What is wrong with you?"

"No, what is wrong with you, Amelia!"

"We're back to that!"

"Thanks to you, we never left that place. We're back to square one. Everybody is the enemy. You're the only one with problems. You don't trust anyone."

"Oh you know so many things, don't you! You found me out ! Damn right, I have problems! "

"Get your head out of your ass because like I said everyone has them!"

She finished suturing and was prepared to close.

" Don't talk to me that way! I am not your charity case, so stop doing this. This is unprofessional at the very least."

"I am unprofessional because I truly care about you?"

She looked up to look into his eyes. He looked as surprised as her. It was not the first time he told her. It still sounded so foreign for her.

"Don't tell me you don't deserve it… Don't tell me you're not worth it! Right now, you're making it damn difficult to love you but… I still..." he trailed off, forgetting the time and the place…

Their audience stood in rapture.

"You still…"

"I still…" He tilted his head in acknowledgement.

"Alright, I'm done. "

Owen nodded. The sound blasted through OR3's walls. Panic registered on all their faces.

"It's a Code Silver. Lock all the exits. " Owen immediately yelled. He stepped away from the surgery table to get to the phone. He advised all the other OR one by one to do this and stay away from the windows.

"Amelia?"

"Patient is stable."

"I need to go see what's happening outside. Lock after me. Don't open for anyone! You don't come out unless I come get you. "

"Are you…"

Amelia's eyes were tearing up. Owen nodded with this conviction in his voice, and he was telling her so much in the space of these brief seconds when her eyes met his. She felt breathless.

"I have to do this… you will be okay. Nobody can come inside. You are all safe here."

It was not the question. He couldn't just leave her there after he just … said all these things to her.

"I will come get you." He said again.

She watched him leave. And she realized Nurse Trudy was looking at her curiously behind her mask, she gave her a silent nod, and got back to work. She stared at the patient's monitor. Amelia surprised herself as she counted how many heartbeats Owen's absence lasted.

"We will be fine." One of the nurses said reassuringly.

Amelia didn't know. Honestly she didn't. She was not fine. It has been a long time since she'd been fine. But he cared about her, even when she was a mess, even when she left a trail of destruction behind her. He said he cared about her. So maybe, just maybe, she could try to put the past behind her.

He's done this before, at least something similar… many times over when he thought about it. She wanted reassurance and he couldn't give that to her. He was then slightly troubled when she left without it. He didn't know what he expected. A fight? But there was none of that and Meredith simply walked out the room slowly, in slow crisped motions, pulling Edwards with her in a tight grip around her arms. He is invaded by doubts. Maybe… just maybe it wasn't such a good plan at all. He scratched his brow briefly. The noise a gun made when you took off the safety switch was always the same to him. Now he was glad, she was not turning back. He turned slowly, looking over his shoulder.

"I just want to see my wife. I need to see her. I just want this to end… It was supposed to end peacefully. We were supposed to be together as a family… All of us. " Pollard said.

His hands were shivering on the gun. He was frantic. It wasn't a good sign. This was definitely a bad plan. Warren moved slightly to the edge of the bed.

" So, what was your plan? " He asked.

Everybody had one. What to do with an obviously mentally-ill murderer when he was about to shoot his wife in front of you? Sure, engaging in a nice conversation seemed as good as any thing to break the ice. The irony of all of this was not lost on him.

"I do not need to talk to you. You're just… I want to be with my wife. Alone! So leave us alone!"

He looked behind him, slowly as to not make the frantic husband any more jumpy than he already was. Dyshiki would have made a joke right there. Instead, Warren decided to expose a few blunt facts.

"Your wife doesn't want to talk to you I know that much. She took her car and her children and drove away to escape… Because she was scared… for her life."

"She… No… No… "

" You shot her and you shot your daughter… She was scared…"

"You don't know anything! It's not what happened! So you shut up now!"

"Then what happened? What really happened so that your daughter ended up dead in this hospital?"

"I didn't… It was just… It was not supposed to be like that."

"Well, I'm quite sceptic. You shot her three times. You shot your wife five times… What did you think would happen? Didn't quite look like an accident to me? Was she trying to defend the children? Who did you shoot first? I'm quite curious! What's your name again?"

He crossed his arms over his chest.

" Clay… My name is Clay."

"Okay, I am Warren. You want to take a seat." He pointed at the chair.

The man seemed to contemplate his proposition. He shook his head .

"All you want is to judge me… You don't know how hard it's been for me! You think I had a choice! I didn't… It just happened! "

Pollard shouted back, pointing the gun at him. Warren stared hard into the man's eyes, his jaw clenched together.

"No… I…I didn't… I just… I promised her we will always be together. You don't understand that kind of commitment. Nobody understands commitments nowadays. They formed families but they give up half way. My father did that to me and… It was just so hard growing up. So I promised her it will never be me. It will be okay again now. I couldn't leave them to fend for themselves. I just… I was so desperate… when I lost my job… I had no choice."

His eyes widened, losing all traces of lucidity.

" I could no longer postpone it. She would leave me and we would no longer be a family. I couldn't let that happen. I know you will not understand it… the responsibility a man has toward his family. You won't understand that. You won't… You will pretend you…do…"

"I'm listening, am I not? "

"You need to leave."

"So you could finish what you started?"

"This is not my fault. I did everything I could to make it work. That guy… He was pissing on me… He said I was worthless to him at my age… I'm too old… to work for the company… Said I was crazy… Guess what?! I'm not crazy!"

" You kill your daughter."

"No."

"You killed your daughter. She is lying in the morgue lifeless as we speak."

"No…"

"It's not that I don't understand. But you wanna know what I see? You're still here and they're dead. It's like you punished them for your failures. And what kind of man does that is what I don't understand?!"

"I…"

The man frowned in confusion.

"Why are you still here?" Warren asked standing up.

"You're confusing me… I… They're dead?"

"There is nothing confusing in the fact you're alive and your daughter is dead?!" Warren raised his voice.

Clay pointed the gun at his head for a brief intense couple of seconds.

"I just… She just said… I was…"

In a wild move, Pollard pulled the gun again to the side of his face. He started sobbing.

"I didn't want to hurt them… I just didn't want to leave them in pain. It was supposed to be perfect. I didn't want my children to live like that… I didn't want them to suffer… What did I do? Please, I'm sorry! I …It was not supposed to go like this."

He pointed the Gun at his head.

"I'm sure that wasn't your plan… However you put it though… Your daughter well… She is dead… But your baby boy is still here. Your wife is still here. They got a tough road ahead of them. But they're still here. They're still fighting. They're still being brave. They will probably make it if you leave them a chance to. They don't need you. I know it hurts to hear that but they never needed you to begin with. That is a common misconception you see western civilization entertained. Children don't need their parents. Of course, it is better to have parents… for emotional needs. But to survive children only need the will to. I know this because well… I was born somewhere… in a place… where either you were born with the will or you die. Having parents or not… Being a family or not… didn't matter. No middle ground. Children didn't die easily over there. So I can tell you... Your children don't need you. Your wife probably doesn't need you either. So you could go without them… they will make it. Your little girl, she is all alone. She is lying there. And Dead is dead. Dead is always dead. They will be sad sure… They will be angry. But they will make it. They don't actually need you."

The man took several steps back.

"They don't?"

Warren shook his head.

"They don't."

"Are you going to help them? But what if…"

"They don't need you… They will make it. Yes, I will help."

Warren turned toward him and stared into his eyes.

"You will do that for them? "

"I will do that for you. I will help you."

Four police officers approached with their guns raised. Through the swinging doors, Meredith saw Alex waiting by the alleyways. She waved in his direction to stay there and she was alright. He nodded. She lifted her head again toward that room. The window was shattered in millions of shards on the floor outside. She could see Warren was standing by the bed. The man put the gun against his head. Meredith opened her eyes wide and covered her mouth in anticipation.

Another gunshot echoed in the hospital as another cop took the shot. Clay Pollard stumbled backwards and fell. Warren carefully kicked the gun's out of his reach. He was breathing hard. The bullet had just grazed his neck. The police officers entered the room at once and ushered Warren outside at once.

Meredith stood again and they stared at each other from a distance. She was about to make the first steps toward him when Catherine pushed her aside to rush to his side. So, Meredith stood there as Alex and Maggie rushed to her side, asking for explanations she didn't have. What just happened? She wasn't sure.


	37. The monster inside

**A/N:** I'm glad you guys are enjoying yourself so far. I decided in all consciousness to not make this another bloodbath. I think the Pollards had been through enough and the GSM staff too. At least for now, you never know what can happen in the next chapters! ^^ I can go "Shonda Crazy" and slay people pretty quick. I just like adding some drama for the fun of keeping my readers on their toes. I like Bailey but really I don't know why I love Ben here. He was quite understanding while keeping his wife on the straight path. Miranda has an instinct for people. She is frank and sincere. She can smell bullshit a mile away. She will tell it like it is. Even if in all honesty, her beef with Warren has seemingly as much to do with her concerns for Meredith and with the jealousy she feels at her competition, I felt this scene was needed to further explain what she felt of this seemingly innocent new hypothetical pairing. I also find her reaction to the gunshots extremely raw and real for me. In the sense, though Miranda overcame a lot of stuffs these past few years, the vulnerability is always there close to the surface. Last but not least, it's been a long time since I thank my trusted crew of readers so here we go: **Faith, Jamelia, Beth, Guest, Sara, Jax, Karen, Pooja, Patsy**. You keep me going ! Thanks so much !

-37-

The monster inside

"Are you hurt? Warren, look at me?" Catherine asked worriedly.

He kept staring at Meredith, his eyes burning with feelings she couldn't identify despite their intensity. She just recognized that look. It conveys a familiar feeling of sort. It was all boyish innocence mixed with the rarest form of distorted violence. It was all anger and raw open wounds. Even if he didn't seem the least bit hurt physically, he was covered in blue and actually looked like those sharp shards of glass windows disseminated on the floor. He looked like something broken.

He looked at his watch again. The moment had passed. His eyes gained back their usual lucidity.

"I'm fine, Catherine." He finally said. "Patient needs to be moved to another room immediately for security and insurance purposes."

"But what did you tell him?"

"I would do it now. Someone also needs to call to replace that window."

"Warren?"

" Also book me a flight for tomorrow."

"Warren, talk to me."

"I am talking to you, Catherine. What else do you want from me?" He snapped.

She took a step back in surprise. She shook her head, not knowing what to say. She finally nodded, knowing very well, trying to get something out of him when he was in that kind of mood was damn near impossible.

"I will be outside. I need some fresh air."

She shrugged then. He left one hand in his pocket, the other playing with his phone. He got into the elevator calmly. Meredith watched as the door closed on him. Then she exchanged a few words with Maggie and Alex. She was fine. It could have been much worse. They were speaking all at once and her mind was going to places. The police started to gather the witnesses together and Meredith knew it was time for her to get out of here. She didn't want to have another chat with Detective Mills if she could help it. There were enough witnesses for them to make their case. They didn't really need her anyway. So, she discreetly made it to the stairways while no one was looking.

Owen didn't come back to her like he promised. Instead, a police officer came to the door and asked them to get out. He also told them that the path was clear and that the threat had been neutralized so Amelia unlocked the door. And the patient was rolled safely back to ICU. Amelia washed her hands and lingered a little longer in the OR. But no matter how long she waited, he did not come back for her. She got into the elevator with a sigh.

Instead of fresh air, Warren found Amelia Shepherd. She was waiting by the elevator a few floors below. She got into the elevator with him.

"Is it okay to go back upstairs? I heard they got the man?" She asked smiling.

He barely nodded, kept his head down. The brunet's smile faded. She stared straight ahead, trying not to bite on her lips. The air seemed like a rare commodity in this confined place.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier."

For the second time today, her apology was met with only silence.

"I've been four years sober. Since my brother's death, I worked hard every day to remain that way. But making amends is all part of the process… and that's where it starts. So, I want to apologize."

Warren ignored her and got down as soon as the door opened even though it was not his stop. But unwilling to let it go, Amelia ran after him and pulled at his sleeve to stop him.

"Hey, I'm trying to apologize! I don't want to do this with you till the day I died. We could both move on."

"Don't..."

But she kept talking; seemingly unaware she was stepping right into his space, right into the lion's den now.

"Listen, I lost my brother. I lost my son… my fiancé… I lost everything already… That may be karma… I know I cannot apologize enough but I don't want to do this with you all the time. "

He grabbed her shoulder and pushed her off of him.

"Don't touch me!"

Amelia looked around them realizing not without apprehension that she was alone in that hallway with him.

" I…"

He took a step away.

"Do you want me to remind you that you got that restraining order against me?"

"I… It was a long time ago… You know…why I did it… at that time… It expired a long time ago. Can you give me that chance to say I'm sorry! Can you just stop being such…"

"Well, my lawyers still remembers just like I do."

"I'm sorry, ok. At that time, I wasn't myself. Things got out of hand."

His answer was a cruel snicker of sorts. His hands on his hips, he shook his head.

"Things got out of hand? That's what that man said, describing shooting his daughter three times…shooting his wife five times… Things got out of hand. It was not his fault. He didn't want them to suffer. I'm gonna tell you something. Nothing ever gets out of hand… if we don't let them. Things do not just happened. People make mistakes, they do. They make mistakes, mistakes that cost other people. There is no "I accidentally hurt you". There is always intent behind everything. So when the damage is done… there is no forgiveness for that! No way to move on… Do you understand?"

Amelia shook her head and started sobbing.

"I was wrong but you… You were set on destroying me and my career."

"What you did? Honestly, I don't care for what you did... Amelia… For what I did… For who you were at that time and who I was… It doesn't matter. Dead is dead, Amelia. No matter what you do… Dead is always dead. Damage is always a thing of the past. It's always done. Things got out of hand? His daughter won't ever wake up. If Debra Pollard makes it, she will have to live every day without her daughter, knowing she married the monster who did this. You and me we will never be friends again. I won't ever be your teacher. Things won't ever change for the better between us. You know you don't deserve to be here. I won't ever make it easier for you. You brother will not come back to right your wrongs this time. You could never get back to that moment when you almost ruined my life with your lies... A patient lost his legs because of your recklessness… So, don't touch me again… Ever…" He said before leaving. "This is my last warning to you…"

 **Demons – Imagine Dragons**

Amelia stood, tears blurring her view. She paced anxiously trying to make the feeling go away, get it subdued and under control. All these years, the guilt sat not on her chest but inside her brain. It was everywhere she went, every places she moved. She tried to live with it. She tried not to think that drugs will make it all better. She tried to think instead that she could make amends in subtle ways, that people will get over it, that they will all get to move on. She prayed that one day she would feel washed clean of her sin, that the addiction will no longer taint and stain every twisted part of her life. She believed that she could claim it back... her life. Up to this point, she even thought she finally got it all together. She had to leave her misdeeds in the past and move on. The hurt she caused Derek, the grief she caused her own mother, all the problems she had with her past relationships... She needed to let go of. But it was just hard to breathe and to think... and pacing back and forth in this sterile hallway was not helping.

As Warren walked away, he crossed Owen's path on his way out. The two men stared at each other hard. Owen glared in his direction but Warren just kept walking. He was not in the mood for the boyfriend.

"Amelia…"

Amelia just crawled on her knees like a castle of cards blown away by the wind and Owen rushed to pull her up.

"What happened? Tell me! I'm going to kill him."

She shook her head and embraced him for support.

" No! Please! I'm sorry… I'm so sorry! I say I am sorry but it doesn't mean anything to him. It doesn't mean anything to her. I am so sorry! I don't know why I am this way!"

"It's okay."

" Can we just stay like that a while longer? I can't be alone!"

"For as long as you want."

Amelia looked up and they hugged each other tight. Owen looked at the door through which Warren disappeared. He did not trust the man. He was always somewhere close when Amelia was in distress and that alone was already caused for concerns. He knew he needed to sort this out wether Amelia wanted to tell him about it or not.

He no longer had a precise idea where to go. So he just walked through hallways and corridors seeking a door with an exit sign or anything looking like a way to escape, until he found her sitting on a gurney, her feet gathered to her chest. Did she run here to escape? She had a pile of charts on her knees and was scribbling furiously. Unconsciously, he was again drawn to her and stopped inches from her. She let her hair down and was slightly shaking her head. She never looked up when he made another step forward. He thought of turning back and leaving her alone.

But before he could make one step, he felt her hand brush his forearm tentatively. He stopped. Meredith straightened up and looked intently at him. The charts fell on the floor noisily. He avoided looking at her directly but her hand gripped his arm more firmly. He remembered her hand on his in that room. He opened his mouth to say something but Meredith put her finger on his lips to shush him out. He couldn't even say he was sorry he yelled at her earlier. She knew he wasn't. He didn't look like the type who had regrets. Meredith slowly stood up, her hands travelling slowly his shoulders. She took one small step closer. He immediately took one step back. Meredith looked into his eyes. He was still not making eye contact, fixing some imaginary oasis behind her. She took another step closer and circled his neck with her fingers. She put two brave hands on either sides of his face and forced him to look at her.

"Don't ask me to save you!" She whispered with the hint of a grin.

He smiled back and brushed the side of her hair, a thick luxurious honey blond mane cascaded on her shoulders. She brushed his ears gently. He didn't move when she finally reduce the distance between them and hugged him against her tightly. He didn't move. He barely closed his arms around her back. She said nothing. He said nothing. They stayed there saying nothing to each other but communicating nonetheless. It was a mime of sorts, an exploit for the two of them she realized.

Meredith realized she was just glad to have met him. It wasn't much. But it was the first time in months she felt like she was living, like she was herself and that was priceless. She didn't know how long they remained there. He was going to leave and never come back. So she just savored her organized thoughts and the smell of him which became in a matter of hours just so familiar. She was all too ready to go back to a world where she was essentially the fool that was trying to live without Derek Shepherd.

He would be unable to say who pull away first. She had no idea either. His fingers were playing with the nape of her neck, his other hand had settled on her waist… He leaned, his lips inches from her ears. She knew she should be pulling away. But instead, she found herself leaning more on him and maybe that had been it. She blinked and it was no longer there, the weight of his hand on her back, his warmth. She looked over her shoulder and watched him walk away. Then she did the same, she walked in the opposite direction.

 _When you feel my heat_

 _Look into my eyes_

 _It's where my demons hide_

 _It's where my demons hide_

 _Don't get too close_

 _It's dark inside_

 _It's where my demons hide_

 _It's where my demons hide_


	38. Aftermaths, crazy moves and return

It's not exactly the last you see of Warren though well, he will be on his way home soon. Although I'm wrapping up Part 1. There's just a few chapters left. It's easier for me, to cut the story and do a multi-parts because I know readers gets a bit discouraged as they see a 100 -chapters story. I know because I personally do. It's also quite as discouraging as a writer too, as it's quite a long journey toward what you want and you have more chance of getting lost midway. So, cutting the story will be a way to lighten the load.

-38-

Aftermaths, crazy moves and return to the Batcave

Jo Wilson was in the pit when she heard the gunshots. As a result, she told her worrywart patient with a suspicion of a heart attack that it must have been a generator exploding and that there was no need to worry. But when the fire doors automatically locked in emergency, she knew it was way more serious than a technical problem. So, she left the stall and pulled the curtain.

As the attending in charge, Callie Torres grabbed the phone.

"Alright, people, it's a code silver and the hospital is on lockdown. "

"What does that mean?" Her patient asked her.

Jo frowned and pulled the curtain back.

"It's just a tiny problem with the security system."

She went to Callie.

"Is that what I think it is?" Jo asked worriedly.

Callie kept smiling but purposely stacked the emergency cart behind the doors. Jo tried to be as nonchalant as her but she found herself unable to as she realized Alex was still upstairs.

"There is a man upstairs threatening to shoot his wife and Warren Fresker." Callie said between her teeth.

"What?" Jo's face was drained of all colors, her eyes wide in stupefaction.

Callie nodded as she called the police.

"Hi, I'm Dr Callie Torres from Seattle Grey Sloan. We have a Code Silver here… I think it's on the surgical floor. I'm in the ER Room. I want to know what…"She turned to Jo. "They already have cars discharged. They should be here anytime… Yes, naturally, I'm listening. It's quiet here. We're on lockdown… The ER is quite isolated for now. Okay, we will wait… Please, don't leave us hanging here. I have sixteen occupied beds and I'm not counting all the people in attendance… Hum… Hum… " She pulled the phone away from her face to talk to Jo again.

"The intervention has already started. She said she will come back to us soon. Nobody tries to leave. We keep our patients calm. "

Jo nodded absent-mindedly. She closed her eyes, biting her lips. Callie hung up and made another call. She didn't talk much this time.

"I have Arizona on the line . They are doing alright on the pediatric floor."

"And Alex?"

Callie asked Arizona about Alex.

"Sorry, he is not on the peds floor. He went down earlier to greet Ryan's grandmother and aunt."

Jo said nothing but her eyes never left the clock.

As soon as the doors unlocked, leaving her patient in the hands of interns with very specific instructions to not kill him, Jo ran through the whole surgical department to find him. All she found was a shattered glass window on the floor, a couple of crying nurses, lots of police officers and a crying Stephanie. Stephanie had to be interviewed by the police so she had to wait for her, believing she kind of owe it to Stephanie to be there when she needed her the most. Then they both went to the resident locker room where they sat down together on a bench. There, Stephanie proceeded in telling her the whole story. Jo listened intently all the while trying to reason with herself. Alex was alright. Nobody got hurt as far as Stephanie knew. Yet, Jo couldn't stop her heart from racing and clenching painfully at the thought that she almost lost him.

"You did… not lose him. You guys can't break up. You are great together."

They were Stephanie's last words to her. It was as if her friend had read her mind and told her exactly what she wanted to hear. But Stephanie had finished her shift a couple of hours ago and was ready to go home. Her friend stroked her back softly. Jo wondered not for the first time what would be her life without Stephanie in it. They hugged and she accompanied Stephanie to the elevator since.

Soon enough, Jo was back to running, rushing through the stairs to the pediatric ward. She found Alex easily, so easily that it slowed and froze her steps. Alex was standing near the nurse station. He just handed out a baby boy that looked like the Pollard boy to two women with a police officer. He put his pen back to his left pocket, nodded at something the younger woman said. The grandmother was crying and she insisted on hugging Alex again. He stood there awkwardly, patting her back the best he could. Then he distanced himself, saying goodbye, leaving them with a nurse. He made his way straight to an on call room. She watched all of it in awe.

He was so compassionate with the parents of his patients. He was so devoted to his job. The previous conversation she had with Stephanie just came back to her. Her heart thumped louder. She did not want to add problems to a relationship that already had enough of those. She currently loves that man more than she thought she could ever love someone. She wanted to make him happy. She didn't care for that stupid house. She didn't care for anything and that scared her because she never needed anyone. Now her life was filled with all these people she couldn't live without. It was scary.

Before he even closed the door, she was inside with him. He spun around. The shock had not even fully register on his face that she crashed into him and kissed him deeply, as if years had passed since their last kiss, as if it was the first one… As if it was the last… She just kissed him. His hand drifted to her hip. It settled there and he pulled her closer and covered her mouth with his just as hungrily. Her heart fluttered inside her chest. It was crazy how easily her doubts could be shattered when she was next to him. The caress of his lips on hers, she felt elated suddenly and pulled at his shirt desperately. They crashed against the door.

"Wait! You don't want to talk?!"

Jo was quite breathless so talking was quite the farthest thing from her mind. She just felt like she could have lost him today forever and they were no time left to lose.

"I wanted to say I was sorry for saying I hated the house." Alex said.

He was trying to be reasonable. As much as he wanted to make love to her right now, forget last night had ever happen, he knew this thing had gone too far for them not to address it. The old Alex probably would have never addressed the elephant in the room. But well, the old Alex got dumped by his wife and the love of his life. And the new Alex's best friend backed her car in another car, and the new Alex was again caught in the middle of a shooting and the new Alex really wanted to make it work with his girlfriend of two years. The new Alex desperately needed to talk.

"You had your reasons." She leaned for another kiss.

"But when you bought that house, you did it for us… for me… Nobody ever did something that nice for me."

Jo smiled. She never knew how much she had wanted him to say that.

"I didn't know, I promise, Alex. I knew you had a difficult childhood, we both did. But I never knew how much it affected you… still. I could probably live anywhere that has a bed in it. I thought you were just like me. In my minds, we're both street kids."

Alex nodded. Honestly he thought just like her that it didn't matter. But he realized that it mattered, it really mattered to him these days.

"I… could probably live anywhere. I did at some point. I just don't want to anymore. Listen… I've grown tired of changing places… running… Moving… When Meredith was gone, I realized something. Although it pains me somehow but… I was fine. I was in the place I wanted to be… With you… The old Alex would have managed to screw this up. He would have been on the run for something… But I manage nine months without her because you were by my side. I want more than a house… I want a home. I want a normal house with normal furniture. I want to fall asleep on the sofa watching Sunday football. I want to fall asleep in a giant bed. I want a dog or a turtle… I don't know… No cats… Hate cats… I want kids… I'm not trying to scare you here. I just want a home with you and I thought you should know.

Even if she fully didn't understand what he meant by that, Jo nodded eagerly or nervously she didn't know. Was it a proposal? Kids? Pets? Kids? What was she supposed to say to all this? He proposed before. At least she thought he did… Did she want all these things? She felt suddenly so young. But then would he leave if she said she didn't want this thing… Will there be a day when she would regret not wanting these things? She loves him. So why was she incapable of giving him these things he wanted? Kids? She couldn't see herself with kids, not when she had any idea what a mother was supposed to do.

"Alex …"

She was saved from answering by the sudden arrival of Maggie Pierce who must have been born with the worst timing ever.

"Alex… Oh Jo! Oh sorry! They didn't tell me you guys were both in there."

Alex looked at the half-eaten donut in her hand with sudden envy. Maggie hesitated a brief instant on the threshold than decided that she might as well talk to both.

"You disappeared after the whole hospital blowing up thing…and they just told me…I'd find you here. Did you catch up to Meredith? She disappeared before I could really talk to her. You think she is fine? Like really fine?"

"She probably needed a moment to herself. " Alex concluded. He positively had no clue. He should have called Cristina.

Maggie nodded and close the door behind her.

" Okay, I'm not exactly here for that. But it's great you're both here. Don't worry! I'm just gonna be quick. After all, things change rather quickly around here. Things get crazy real fast. Things take curbs for the worst… And then you're standing… crouching… hiding from unknown gunmen… Then you think your life will end. Then a miracle happened and you can eat donuts again. Happiness just lies in this very simple fact. Sorry, I'm exhausted." She ranted with the gravity of an illuminati priestess.

Alex made a note never forgetting this woman's happiness lies in a sugar rush.

"Where did you find this?" He asked with a smug grin, crossing his arms against his chest.

"It was the last one in the fridge. It had my name on it. I don't know why. Go figure! I was starving anyway." she said as she swallowed the whole thing and licked her lips.

Alex frowned in disappointment. But soon, he came back to his senses as he realized the fact she didn't know it came from him was all for the best. Yes, he honestly thanked whatever god for Maggie Pierce being born clueless because he had no idea how he would have explained this to Jo. This was nothing really. But this he sensed she would have blown way out of proportion. He was such a dumb boyfriend who spent too much time with the twisted sisters to know the meaning of things like boundaries and distance.

"So you wanted something, Dr Pierce?!" Jo asked her hands on her hips, unsure where all this was going.

"Yes, Wilson! I… I thought all day about your problem, Alex! But well, we were rushing from one emergency to another… and I… simply didn't have time…"

Jo looked at him. Alex swallowed hard. Maybe he was going to get killed anyway.

"You guys talked?" Jo asked.

Maggie shrugged.

"Briefly… Listen it's a weird idea… But I talked to Meredith… before all this mess… but I think she wouldn't change her mind… and she oddly thought that it was a great idea. You see I asked her if she would find it weird if I was ever to move in with her."

Alex lifted an eyebrow at that. Where was this going?

"See, it is like…all the pieces of the puzzle just found its place when I was in that house. "

"Because it was your biological mother's house?"

"Yes! I just love the atmosphere there… The energy! Believe me it came to me as a surprise! But I had a lot of fun with the kids. Arizona and I, we watched the Bachelorette and had so much fun… It's so busy all the time… It feels like a home… or a College Dorm. I guess it depends of the time of the day… The Grey House. It feels quite nice…"

It did. It always did for him. Alex wanted to agree plainly but that wouldn't be fair to Jo.

"What does it have to do with Alex…or me?" Jo asked, uncertain.

"Well, I was getting to it. Why don't you guys use my place? It's not that big. But there are two rooms and a balcony with a nice view. Though there's no parking space… I hate that there's no parking space, thanks to the last Super storm. You have to sell a liver to get a parking spot at night but… well… And I had yet to unpack everything I brought with me from home… I mean in NJ where I was. My mom sent me a ton of stuffs recently, a pile of junk really… It's because they're getting divorced my dad and her."

She breathed.

"So you will see boxes, tons of them… but I can move them… I don't know where yet… but I will move them…"

"What?"

"My place is fully functional. So, you can have it, Alex, while you wait for your place to be fixed! Everybody would be happy. It's a win-win situation. "

"You… You…" Alex was at a loss for words.

"Except if it's not… Oh ! You don't like the idea! You find this… weird and creepy… Because we're colleagues and it is creepy and weird…" Maggie shook her head in embarrassment. "Just forget it…"

Alex looked at Jo in confusion. She did not look like she understood what just happened better than him. But he owed it to Beastie to try.

"Wait… You could move in with Meredith but why would you lend me your stuffs? Your place? You don't lend your stuff, Pierce. I know this for a fact."

"That's right… I'm very territorial about my stuffs… But you need a place…Alex… since you were so miserable… I mean… Not…"

"He was… miserable. "Jo looked at Alex.

That did not sound right. Alex was suddenly uncomfortable.

"Listen, Maggie, I appreciate your offer, it's really nice, but I can't make that decision... Jo and I we were just…"

"Why? It's a great idea!" Jo said with a smile. "It's a really nice gesture. It's so nice !"

Alex frowned. Really? She didn't look like she was thrilled. Was he thrilled? He was. It had to be one of the greatest things… Well, it was really nice of her! The way he saw it, he would do anything to get out of this nightmarish loft! But if Jo wasn't happy… well he wouldn't go anywhere!

"You think, Jo?"

"Well, we will have our place… at least our privacy… As long as we are together, that's all that matters to me." She said, nodding.

"What do you say Alex?"

Alex grabbed her fist and just squeeze. He had no idea what to do with her. Why was she so nice with him?

"Look like you got yourself new tenants, Beastie Pierce."

"Great! Awesome!"

" We are in your debts."

"You still owe me those donuts. Feel free to reward me someday, Alex Karev. It's that easy to make me happy. I don't know what you're waiting for? " She said.

"Since I can't buy you a dragon… You might be right."

"I hate you!"

Jo watched their exchange not without an unpleasant flutter in her stomach. There was just something in the way he held her, in the way they easily laughed at each other's lame jokes that bothered her.

"What did Meredith said? About you living with her?" Jo asked amiably.

"Well, she loved the idea of another babysitter on deck. I mean doing it all alone hasn't been that easy for her … So… She was really happy when I asked… and then she called me crazy… and she told me I would get sick of it in less than a week top. "

"I'd give you two days… The kids can be… a handful."

"I love them."

"She loves them because she is one of them. Don't get fooled by the badass surgeon cap, she plays Barbie like a boss." Alex teased.

"I recall you do just as well…Uncle Alex." Maggie retorted.

"But that's really a lot of responsibilities…"Jo added, thoughtful.

"A free babysitter, in some countries, I'm sure they call that an aunt." Alex countered.

"Very funny! You still have to come visit Uncle Alex because they're already missing you something fierce. I heard from very knowledgeable sources that you can make noises like a T-Rex when you sleep. "

"That's my man, Bailey!" Alex grinned.

"You are always so proud of your flaws. I found this so fascinating." Maggie notice deadpan.

"Well, thank you Beastie."

"You're welcome, you flawed creature! Okay, I must go… I have to grab some stuff at my place. Give me one hour and you can come by. I will give you the tour and everything."

"To your place? Maybe you could…draw us a map…"

"Alex will remember the way…"

"Yes…"

"Perfect. See you later, Guys!"

Alex turned to Jo. They stood in an awkward silence before Jo spoke again. There were so many things she wanted to say and at the same time she was tongue-tied. How their relationship became like this? They used to be best friends and tell each other everything. So how the hell did it come to this?

"I swear there is something wrong with Pierce. She is not all there… She gets attached way too quickly and…"

"You guys get along pretty well…"

Alex frowned.

"…As friends." Jo continued cautiously.

Alex shrugged in relief.

"I guess we could say that."

"We could say that. It's good you have someone like that."

"I guess…"

"Well, that means, we no longer have problems, Right?"

"Right." Alex agreed.

"So, there's no longer a need to talk."

She grabbed his hands and pulled him to the bed. Alex grinned.

"Right."

"And she gave us one hour…What can we do to kill the time?"

Slowly, she leaned and straddled him, kissing him softly. There were no fireworks or sparks, at first. It was awkward and tentative as they tried to find back their rhythm. When their lips began to move in perfect sync, again, her entire body had been taken over by the overwhelming feeling of relief, combined with frantic panic, and lust. She never thought she missed him this much.

There was something to say about lost love. Stephanie adjusted her sports bag on her shoulder. She waited patiently for the elevator to arrive to its destination. It stopped half-way though and Jackson appeared behind the doors. Stephanie took a step back to allow him to get in, her eyes never leaving the floor.

"Are you okay? I heard about the crazy dad…"

"Yes, it was nothing. I mean… Not that it was "nothing"… It was horrible…and a big deal… But…Nobody got hurt , thanks to Dr Fresker."

"I see."

They remained silent for an awkward minute.

"I also heard about your surgery, congrats." He said, feigning one of those sharp smiles showing his sexy dimples.

She had no idea what to answer to that. She heard from the nurses he got wasted during his shift and never showed to work yesterday. As a result, he was put on an indefinite leave. It didn't warrant any kind of congratulations.

"Thanks… " She whispered back.

She was sorry things turned out like this. When they broke up, she wished that he would drop from the surface of the earth; she wished he fell on his pretty face and possibly broke a jaw, and she wished that she never had to work with him again… and see those dimples… She made plenty silly wishes all because he left her to go elope with April Kepner. He left her and she felt worthless and humiliated. So she made wishes, stupid silly wishes. It was not even like her to be so vindictive. But, she admitted she had been.

She looked at him now and could currently see the sea of despair in which he was drowning. And Stephanie swore she never wished for this. Not even a minute, she ever wished for a dead child or a broken marriage. She never wished he'd throw away his medical license because despite the fact she said she didn't care. She did care… a little… a lot. She will probably always care as unfortunate as it may be. But she almost died in there. Who knew what Pollard would have done? She didn't have time to lie about her feelings anymore. A surgeon did not have time to spare anyway. She was one now. She breathed in sharply and pushed the pause button in the elevator.

"You're not a bad person, Jackson. Neither is April. You didn't deserve this just like that woman doesn't deserve to wake up in a world where her husband killed her daughter and tried to kill her. It was quite cruel a fate what happened to you. But it doesn't stop here. She gets to hold her son against her. You and April, you two have each other. It may seem impossible. It may seem like you will never be able to smile again or feel joy. But you two have each other and you both deserved to be happy because you're not bad persons. Clay Pollard had no idea what he destroyed… what he'd done to his family. He was completely clueless and insane. Your family is broken right now but you can still mend the pieces. So please while it's not too late, go find your wife, go be happy. Don't let this destroy you! I don't think I can silently watch while it destroys you! "

She turned back.

"That's all I had to say." Stephanie looked straight ahead as she let the elevator resume its journey. When the doors opened on the ground level, Jackson nodded.

"Thank you, Stephanie."

She patted his arms gently and left the elevator only to be assaulted by a group of hysterical interns clapping hands. Her brown eyes widened in surprise.

"You were so great, Dr Edwards. When Dr Grey left that room, you just rocked that OR! Like a boss!" Shaw exclaimed.

Andrew "Mildly hot" Deluca nodded. Douglas took a quick selfie with her. Stephanie felt like she had just jumped in the fourth dimension.

"You were so awesome. How did you resect that tumor? I want to learn that." Douglas added.

Stephanie smiled, her heart brimming with joy and pride.

"Okay… Okay… You will all learn in time."

"Tomorrow, I saw you have an appendectomy. Do you think I could scrub in with you, Dr Edwards? I just want to watch you and learn." Shaw asked.

"No, I want to scrub in… Why would she choose you?" Douglas interjected.

"Alright, no need to fight. There will be plenty work for all of you."

Stephanie departed from the group before turning bag.

"Learn well, my ducklings, because tomorrow I will be quizzing you on the morning rounds. It will be a death or do…kind of challenge."

"I'm so gonna win this. You're dead, Douglas."

"It was just… She was not being literal, right? It was just a joke." Deluca said.

Shaw turned to face Deluca.

"You're dead too, pretty boy."

Stephanie walked outside with a smile on her face. She saw Warren Fresker seemingly in great conversation with Jackson. She shrugged contentedly. It was time to go back to the Batcave.

"Dr Edwards?"

She turned to see Warren Fresker approached.

"Can I borrow your phone?"

"Yes, yes, of course. Here." She handed him the device quickly. She watched as he played with the screen.

"You did really well in there. Not that I ever doubted you would…"

"About that, thank you so much, Dr Fresker! Without your trust in me… You barely knew me and…"

He gave her the phone back.

"You keep on doing this… on working like this… If you need anything, some advices, a job, a lawyer, a way to get out of the country without anyone knowing… you call me. I will gladly help I can."

Stephanie laughed hard. He gave a friendly wink.

"Really?"

"Yes. I'd like to work with you someday. Goodbye Stephanie!"

Stephanie's smile was plastered to her face until she got back to her car and she plainly let it out. She screamed in glee, shaking her arms in the air like a mad woman. When she arrived home to her apartment building, she couldn't help the rush of joy.

"Steffie, are you back?"

"I'm back, Grammy!"

"How was your shift, baby girl! We missed you here. Poutine got all gassy on me…"

Her cat Mister Poutine, a very obese grey Chartreus jumped on the counter to greet her. Stephanie patted the animal softly and let the old woman hugged her. She dropped her bag in the lobby and sat down on one of the kitchen stool. Her place was small, just two bedroom and a very tiny kitchen.

"Poutine, did you eat mice again? Hunting is bad for your gas! As for my shift , it started rather weirdly… believe me… It was really odd… But then I get to talk to Kyle Yeahquo…"

"Who? Is it a new boyfriend?"

"No, he is like Victor Newman. But he is younger and hotter… He is just a boss in his field, Grammy…"

She showed Grammy an Instagram picture.

"I see… I still like Victor better." Grammy said, strutting slowly toward the fridge.

"Was C.J here?"

"Yes, she just left to pick up Selina and Mickey."

"You're sure she didn't leave you alone… for like two days… Like she did last time… I pay her to stay with you, Grammy!"

"You guys need to let me breathe on my own. I don't need a babysitter, baby. "

"I know. You're a grown ass woman. You were a back-up dancer for Patti Labelle for god's sake."

" And I was the best… you got that right!"

"See, let's look at it this way! I want you to babysit C.J for me. She is our young neighbor. She is eighteen. She doesn't have a job and she's got two children with two different baby daddy. Her mom works all day and she never finished high school. In addition, she is in this relationship with this douche... She needs all the guidance in the world."

"The one with the tattoo?"

"Did he come by?"

"Yes, he picked her up earlier this afternoon. These days, young women have no taste in men whatsoever. You girls are lost, aren't you? "

"That's not true! I have decent taste in men."

"You're the worst of all, Steffiboo! You just like to pick up dirty strays and take them home. That's not what I call having decent taste in men." Grammy retorted sipping on her glass of water.

Her hand started shaking uncontrollably and she had to put the glass of water down the counter spilling half its content. Stephanie cleaned up with a towel without a word.

"You're so mean… Jackson was fine. "

"He was the worst. Your grandfather on the other hand was something in his grey suit. He used to walk with so much confidence and he could back up every of his claims. He had a big one and he was always so smooth with the ladies. But at the time, they got nothing on me. I was quite a freak in those days."

"Can I die now?"

" That was a man. A man should know how to dress… how to behave like a man. These little boys are just that… boys. Nope, Missy, you willl know when you will meet him. You'll be like…"

" I'll be like….Ooh…That's my man right there!" They both said together. Stephanie laughed.

"I raised my baby well. So what did he say, this Kyle Yeahquo Newman!"

"You have such a good memory…"

"I'm not a vegetable yet and I ain't dead."

"You will never die. I'm working on making you immortal."

"Good luck with that. I need to see my man and my daughter, your mother. There's no way I will be sticking around much longer. Too much pollution and Kardashians shows! God will be calling me home soon. You need to live your life, sweet baby. I will live my afterlife fully, trust me. "

"I don't want you to go. I won't let you go."

"You don't need me."

"Maybe I'll go with you…"

After the shift she had, well, that was certainly not too far-fetched.

" You ain't going nowhere! Keep telling me about your day instead of being silly!"

"So I talk to Kyle Yeahquo and I got carried away and started describing this big surgery he was in."

"And?"

"He encouraged me to get carried away as much as I wanted… That's exactly what I did… and then I got to be a surgeon… on this big difficult surgery where I was the boss in the OR for three hours... And people told me I rocked the OR during those three hours."

"Really?"

"Yes! This other guy, you see he is well-known in the medical world too. He is Kyle Yeahquo's boss… Well, he gave me his number."

"What? Another pervert who wants to take advantage of my baby?"

" Grammy, nobody wants to take advantage… of dear old me… Trust me. I would love it if they would…" Stephanie slipped a hand in her sweatshirt to unclasp her bra.

"Dr Fresker is the real deal. Nothing was suspicious or under the table. He was very professional. He just offered his help. His approval is like a golden pass in our field. He is like chief Webber, you just want to impress him. "

"Alright… I'm glad you impressed those men at work. I'm very proud of you, Steffiboo."

"I'm proud of me too, Grammy."

"What about I make you, your favorite meal? Some nice chicken patties, just like you love them?"

"With mashed potatoes… I'd love that. But your hands… "

"Nonsense… I can cook if I want to…"

"I'd rather order Indian!"

"Indian is expensive…

"Don't worry about money! Let me worry about that! Let's celebrate the fact I got to be a surgeon today."

Grammy kissed her forehead and grimaced.

"My baby is the smartest! Go take a bath, your hair smells a bit like Poutine's poop."

"Oh! No!Oh! No! Hell no! I talked to Jackson like that… I talked to Dr Fresker like that. Oh I'm gonna die of embarrassment! It's the pancreas… It stinks. I'm so stupid! I should have shampooed my hair but it's always a pain to let it dry afterwards."

"Okay! Let's look at it this way! Now I know if he said nothing about your hair, this man is quite professional… indeed. Just go, Larry the delivery man will be here soon. And don't you put your stuff everywhere, Steffiboo. We owned a washing machine for a reason."


	39. Why we never leave that place

**A/N:** So, I wanted to celebrate with a new chapter for you guys the fact that Grey is back (!) TGIT is back (!) ( though I no longer watch Scandal) but it's still amazing news! And tomorrow (26th) is my birthday, so feel free to gift me a special review. That would be so nice! As for the season premiere, you know I didn't really like it and that's not news. ( I was oddly prepared to be disappointed like I told you a few months ago when I started this fic...) I am still addicted to this show in a way it is even strange to me, but I'm gonna go all ride or die for it till the end. At least, I'm glad the characters are back. I like Meredith's new haircut. Her promo haircut look very luscious and sexy. I hope we get to see her getting all dolled up. Let's have another Prom! Okay bad idea! Very bad idea!What do you think of the music on GA ? It used to be so great. I discovered some great artists thanks to GA, Ingrid Michaelson, Christopher Bryn, Snow Patrol etc. But it's just so loud in every scene now and it's mostly covers and dramatic melody. Who's in charge of this thing? I want him to keep his job but he needs to be handled. Special xoxo to my support system, the readers that take the time to leave a few words each time.

-39-

Why we never left that place

We never get to the place we want to be because we never leave the place we've been. The idea that people are often caught in between two worlds, caught between adulthood and childhood, all of which have borders so thin that it got people constantly glossing over its frontiers, and by that I mean going at it for eternity, is utterly confusing for the most intellectually advanced human mind. Seriously, we already came to the conclusion that change was good. Progress was good. But leaving childhood and its Great Expectations behind was utterly hellish. It was hard. It was difficult. It was a battle you constantly lost. You were still this child that needed attention or got easily wounded. There was never this clear cut. There was always something that made you go back there feeling insecure whether it was a smell, a sight, something you heard on the radio. And let me tell you, the trip there was not always pleasant.

Standing in the middle of the parking lot, Miranda Bailey was waiting for her husband to come back with her belongings. She lost it. She lost the war. She was defeated. He defeated her... at home. The police had assured Ben and Miranda that the situation was clear upstairs and under control but Miranda could not bring herself to go back there. Nobody got hurt. It was just shattered glass and a hole in the wall. It was things that could easily be repaired. On the other hand, this stranger, Warren Fresker, he chatted with the psychotic husband of Debra Pollard, long enough for the police to intervene safely and as a result he became a hero. It just added salt on an already wounded ego... a wounded mind. Miranda could not go on for the day. She reached her limit. She wanted to be out of this place so bad. She wanted to go home where she would be safe and...protected. She had no idea how things could go so wrong in a minute.

Miranda looked down at her hands shivering and tried to take deep breaths. She looked around as Jackson hugged Dr Fresker amiably. She looked down again. She failed the people that believe in her. She did not react like a chief... She was scared and useless. She was back to being that women that hid and lied to save her life. Without knowing or thinking, she walked in the direction of the two men and stopped behind Warren Fresker.

"I wanted to say, Dr Fresker…" Warren turned slowly toward her.

Surprise registered on his face.

"I… wanted to say… that I apologize for coming across rude and for… I may have let my feelings interfering with the job."

"I will see you around, Jackson." Warren said, shaking hands with Jackson.

"Okay, I will go home now. Dr Bailey…" Jackson left them alone.

"Dr Bailey, I believe you made it clear you didn't like my methods and…"

"I… I…may…not like your methods but I can see they are very effective. "

"They are not always…" Warren admitted.

Miranda frowned.

"What you did tonight it was quite heroic... If it was not for your quick-thinking, the police...they..."

"It was a rare moment of stupidity, Dr Bailey. It's a miracle nobody got hurt. I mean I had literally no plan and nothing to say to that man."

"But you..."

"I didn't think. I gambled. I'm not proud of it. You see I tend to rely on the human factor… a lot. I believe people tend to behave in patterns … Patterns can sometimes be predicted… But again, there are days when like most people, I can't see the storm coming. You suffer from PTSD, don't you?"

"I… What… I… How?"

He did not need to tell her that he read her files last night.

"It's not really important. Your PTSD… your problems… Your emotions… They are not handicaps. Being chief is simply hard work… It's Mission Impossible every day. It's not a side-job in between surgeries. It's a full-time job. It consumes almost everything else. So be prepared for that… It's about not apologizing even when you think you might have been wrong. Never back-pedal… Going backward is useless a motion anyway… It's about making mistakes. It's about fixing mistakes… as in solving problems… Yours…others… It's fascinating and challenging. It's exhausting and positively draining. But each day come with different problems. Your issues, your qualities and flaws don't affect your ability to see a storm… They're your strength. It could have gone wrong with Meredith Grey in many ways. You were not necessarily wrong to do what you did… Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. However I was not necessarily wrong either. Meredith is a strong soldier. She is one hell of a surgeon. I've never met anyone like her. She's stubborn, focused, and enduring… the qualities of great general surgeons. Though genetics must have played a part, I think she also gets that from you. To sum things up, be the kind of chief, you want to be, Dr Bailey. You certainly have the means and the possibility to do so. "

"I don't think I can be chief… You should be the Chief."

"I'm already Chief…"

"No, we need you here. We need… people like you. We need new blood and people with a refreshing view. Someone that challenges us to do better and think harder and do the impossible."

"You will be just fine."

Miranda took a step back and look at him in the eyes. She could not hide the raw emotion in her eyes forcing Warren to look away in anticipation of the sheer intensity of it.

"But we are not fine… We are not… We suffered tragic losses and we are all heart-broken. We can sometimes only see storms and that's not fair for the wearied soldiers..."

"Now I'm all the more convinced that you will do just fine."

Warren held out a hand that Miranda gladly shook. She silently nodded and smiled. She didn't understand the first time but she did now. She could certainly give it a try. The day, heated with conflicts, came rushing to a peaceful conclusion as the last lights of the sun slowly sank beneath the horizon, leaving the sky a chalky mauve, with the moon eager to take its place.

Alex played with Maggie's key ring for a brief moment. He had imagined it would take an eternity for her to give with her having trust issues. But it was the first thing she did when he showed up at the door. She gave them a quick tour and didn't really linger. Mostly she told them how excited she was to be living in the Grey House. Maggie had packed two giant bags of clothes for herself, and apparently two box of shoes and accessories, something chicks apparently couldn't live without. After a few round-trips to her car, she was all set to go. They agreed she could come from time to time to fetch what she needs. He agreed to make another set of keys for her to the Grey House. She promised to do the same so Jo and him could each have their own. It was all done in good faith. She was gone just like that, all fairy godmother like, appearing and disappearing at will.

They went back to the loft to grab a few things. Jo was currently busy putting her stuffs in the dresser Maggie had emptied for them. Him, he just didn't know what to do. He opened the bay windows and her nice breeze played with the curtains. Her place was homey…and bright. He knew the way to the apartment because he dropped her once after a night out with Callie and Jackson. But he had never been inside… He half expected pink and flowery pillows. But everything was bright and Hampton-like. It was blue navy, or geometrical prints and ivory linen and chocolate.

Still, it was oddly immaculate and the living room looked like one of those pages of magazine, like an interior designer had spent an absurd amount of time associating all the prints and color panel to make it look camera ready. It didn't tell any story on the owner with just a few family pictures on the chimney mantle. In more ways than others, it looked like a blank slate waiting to be filled. The bedroom was much more to his liking. It was black and white, with a black bed post, and a upholstered headboard. The clean Aztec printed bedsheets were a nice change from the monotony of black and write. A bronze sculpture art thingy represented a dragon eating what looked like a human heart was on the wall. Maybe that was a little bit grunge for his state, he laughed. Where did she find this? There was an African sculpture on the dresser. It represented a woman expecting a child. It was well… It was something. He stood perplexed in the corner of the living room. Well, it's like the two rooms didn't belong to the same person. It's like they were not even connected. One was bright and cheery. The other was more grunge looking. It had an edge to it. The fridge was full so they didn't really have to go shopping. Alex thought he could probably fix them a sandwich or maybe make some pasta. He opened a drawer in the kitchen counter just to get himself acquainted with his surroundings and was perplexed to find a red notebook in it. It looked dated and half the pages had been burn in a fire. He flipped the pages absentmindedly but stopped as soon as he realized it was a diary of sorts. The writing looked erratic and blotchy as if the person writing had been quite young at the time. Alex put it back in the drawer.

"Jo, want some pizza? "

"Sounds great. I'm taking a bath."

Alex made the call while still staring at the drawer. Finally, he picked up the notebook and put it in his sports bag. It was best that he gives this back to Maggie as soon as he catch up with her.

Alex settled on the sofa. He turned on the TV and settled on some university basketball with a grin on his face. This he could honestly get used to. In the bath, Jo sighed contentedly. Well, she couldn't say she had been thrilled by this little arrangement at the beginning. But she believed she may as well make the best of it, and it was only just temporary. As soon as it gets fixed they will be back to the loft. It was such a nice offer. Maggie was just very friendly. There was really nothing between her and Alex except for deep mutual respect and friendship. There was no need to feel threaten. She wiggled her toes comically. Well, nobody can denied that this is nice. She heard the persistent ring on the door and got out of the bath as fast as she could. She caught up with the delivery man on the stairs and she accidentally flashed just a tiny bit of nipple in her haste. Closing the door she set everything on the counter. It smelled delicious. But what was Alex doing ? Didn't he hear the door ring? It was already bad he didn't help her unpack. But what's with the slacking off and leaving all the work to her? Jo found Alex on the sofa, fast asleep. Serenity was plastered across his face as he slept. He was seemingly peaceful. It had been weeks since she saw him so relax and wondered not for the first time why she didn't notice all this sooner.

It was closer to three in the morning. Cristina was still in her office. She knew Jo was still working as well. Around midnight, she saw Shane come back with a late snack for the both of them. Cristina needed a new idea since her research was not going anywhere. It was nothing that groundbreaking, nothing that could beat the excitement of a mechanical heart trial. She looked at the file in front of her rather annoyed. It was his tender specifications and to say she was disappointed. She half expected him to turn this late so she had an excuse to go on a rampage. But it was on time, early even, and worse, everything seemed in order inside. His work was damn right flawless. So, she had to up her game and find a new idea. However a new idea was hard to come by.

She opened her drawers and cursed her own sappy heart, which was the least favorable ground for innovative creation. Under a pile of designated junk, she found a large photo frame wrapped in a velvet black cloth. If words got out that she owned such a sentimental piece of crap, her reputation as a sarcastic heartless bitch would be irremediably damaged. That's why she unwrapped it with care like it could potentially explode in her face. It was a group photo, the only one she had of the whole gang together at her wedding. Sure, a couple of key idiots were missing from the shot. George, the obvious party pooper had to meet a bus. Izzie had to go somewhere to be bitter and bitchy and far away from Alex. Derek was already trying to kill himself and meet a truck, getting himself arrested for speeding and Meredith had to leave his ass in jail so he could learn his lesson. Something he obviously didn't do, since his present absence had everything to do with his driving abilities. And let's not add that no one ever learned his lesson in their group, they were such glutton for punishment.

But well, Meredith had been there, Alex, Callie, Bailey… April and Jackson… And the Chief… Her mother had been delightfully absent and they only had a simple lunch with Owen's family the week after. It had been a perfect night. That day was the day she did something crazy. She took a leap of faith in the aftermath of a tragedy. She may have not married him for the right reasons. Whoever did anything for the right reasons, Moses or Buddha? Let's not kid ourselves! No, she did marry him on a whim because she felt her piece of herself missing in the wake of the tragedy, and she got scared, and he had been there offering her his support and his love and she thought it was all she needed to heal. Well, in addition of being the biggest baddest bitch in town, she also had been a fraud. To pretend this was a mistake, to pretend the feelings hadn't been there all along. It had always been there. The love… The care… It had always been there. Too bad she sucked at commitment. Too bad they couldn't make it work. She picked up her phone.

Meredith picked up at the first ring and continued climbing the stairs on her way to her faculty office. Cristina leaned in her chair.

"Hey!"

"Hey! That's not a good "hey"! What's wrong with you?" Meredith replied, breathless.

"I'm still in the office."

"And…"

"I got the blues."

"No, you have to fight it. We have to fight it. No blues… We're filled with happy thoughts right now. We're on top of things. We get shit done. We're queens."

"Maybe I'm not that good a surgeon… Maybe I won't ever change the face of medicine… Maybe it was all for nothing." Cristina said with a dull monotone voice.

"Did you get laid today?"

"It's been 18 hours… So technically yes… "

"No, but really… Do you not want to…"

"No… He is evil. He gives sinful orgasms. Only despair can breed from this relationship."

"Huh? Sinful orgasms?"

"You know it's when it's so good it hurts and you wanna die right there… It hurts so damn much. And just when you think you're all spent, and all you want is to fall back to sleep, and actually die… You pick up the pace again and the cycle continues again and again and again. It's sinful and nasty...and painful in the morning."

Meredith grimaced in confusion.

"I know what a sinful orgasm means… He is… that good, is what I actually question?"

"You don't get it, do you? This is already his turf. He is the superstar… I'm back to being a shadow."

"Come on, Cristina, you have got to fight this thing. Open your little black book." Meredith said as she entered her office.

"I don't have a black book. That's so old school."

The blonde sat in her chair.

"Your phone then?"

"I don't know…"

"I'm sure you made some connections… since you moved to Zurich? You're a beautiful hot heart surgeon."

"I know… but no."

"… Or use something for young people like Instagram…or Facebook…or… What's it called? Tinder?

"You know about Instagram… or Tinder?"

"I have a little sister… now… I'm connected."

"Younger than Lexie?"

"She is almost nothing like Lexie. Lexie was different, a bit more like me... more like us... We were already hipsters when we were born. Maggie is more nerdy… And as weird as it may sound. She managed to be… at times. Young. Very young. It's very refreshing but she is so young. She is so pure and nice. She is Bambi's Spawn and she spawned and spread kindness and love around the world like a viral disease. I don't know what went wrong in her childhood. Helping is her second nature. Caring comes easy to her. She keeps a bio online and she indulged into a perfectly glossy life. Sometimes it scares me. I'm afraid I will break her… with all the crap life threw at me all the time. The day I had just now... Now I know I'm glad my mom was a bitter distant mother and an adulterer, and my father, a pathetic excuse of a father who abandoned his kid to start another family. At least, I feel adequately connected to this messy world where my sister is dead and my husband is dead and my mother is dead… and you're living on the other side of the world."

"Talk about a depressing thought."

"I was trying to cheer you up. It was a cheering thought."

"Where is Bambi right now?"

" She went home to fetch her stuffs. She will be moving in with me and the kids. You know what that means?"

"Babysitter duties? I've been there…"

"Yes and it's an exchange. Alex will have her place so he can fornicate in peace with his girlfriend Jo."

"What about their place?"

"It's still a flipping disaster? But I have no idea how much work there is still to do or how long they will be at Maggie's. We had a bit of a situation here these past couple of days… We were a bit... busy... So…"

"Oh what now? What did you do?"

"Nothing, I just… Well… I…O…"

"Meredith, please…don't tell…"

"I had this big surgery… The one I told you about this morning and I nailed it! I had Kyle Yeahquo's on the phone. I imitated Kyle Yeahquo in the OR. According to Maggie and Stephanie Edwards, he is the bomb and it's a big deal!"

" The "Miracle Man" was on the phone?"

"You know him?"

" Shut up! He is this amazing fairy creature who makes miracles happen for poor sick cancer kids . It also help that he is quite easy on the eye. His Instagram is filled with pictures of him doing… stuffs … Very simple stuffs like reading or jogging… or golfing… or just smiling… or petting kittens... but he does it so… and it's just perfect for… Well, you get the picture!"

"Ew, I don't wanna know. You're one of them, the Instaretards."

"You brought this on your own. What business do you have talking to me about Kyle Yeahquo? He has such a sexy brain."

"This is what got you in trouble to begin with, Cristina! Leave the sexy brains alone!"

"You're not fair! Owen was not that…"

"He was the epitome of a Sexy Brain! He was clever and resourceful, idiotically brave and noble, compassionate, modest and skilled, tortured and complicated and… to hell with it! _Bambi-Spawned_ to the point he cooed in front of little kids."

"Well…"

"And Burke… and your med school teacher… Colin what's-his- name-?… And Dr Thomas…"

"I never with… Thomas… He was just a brain… I fed on it respectfully."

"What I mean is they don't make you so happy in the end? They make you doubt yourself and… you're great Cristina! We're great people!"

"Really, what happened to you?"

"Get that black book thing going!" Meredith shouted before realizing her door was still ajar and she could be heard in the hallway.

"But you don't get your own black book thing going?! You let it dry and squeeze those legs so hard together you will get all wrinkled down there before you get your first grey hair. You're a bit of a cheat, giving advice you don't follow!"

"I'm a mother of three… I can't be frolicking and…"

"Whatever Meredith…"

"Hey, again I was trying to cheer you up…"

"But having more naughty sex with the enemy won't help me find a research subject… Do you not understand what I'm up against?! I need to beat his pride into a bloody pulp… into submission… Then …and only then will I be satisfied."

"I never said with the enemy!"

"You start this again? You're horny or something? "

"No… Yes… I'm just… What if I do it too?"

"What?"

"I don't know… open my little black book..."

"You have a black book?"

"No!"

"You have someone in mind?"

Meredith rolled her eyes trying to find an appropriate answer.

"No…"

"That's a weak no… Why?"

"Maybe… It's a "Maybe" laced with probabilities of being likely a definitive "no". You know me…"

"That's a "Bullshit NO" as in you're trying to "bullshit" me. So what are we talking about exactly?"

"I don't have the details yet… I really don't know how to do this… I'm considering getting back into business… We have to move on… We have to be great again."

"You're already great sexless! You're on a wonderful streak of good outcomes for your patients. Your name is whispered in circles. Med school student wants to have you as a teacher. You freaking talked to Kyle Yeahquo and did a surgery he was the only one to have succeeded in the United States."

"You googled it. Even before I told you…"

"Of course, dumbass! I've got my eyes on you!"

"You know I could only do all these things because of you, Cristina. It's because I know you're busy being great somewhere, you're busy killing it somewhere. I just don't want too much of a gap between us. I want to catch up to you one day."

"You're an idiot… and I'm going to get laid. Go get laid too!"

"I love you, Cristina."

"She " _Bambi Spawned_ " you already, didn't she? What a bitch! But well, I love you too."

* * *

 **A/N:** What being "Bambi Spawned" means? I really have not a clear idea. Don't even know if that would be grammatically correct! I just know that I always admire Shonda's abilities, along with Joss Whedon's , to create a language and an entire subculture for their characters. So, in many ways this conversation was probably ooc or unrealistic but I always cherish the twisted sister moment. Cristina and Meredith's natural friendship is one of the thing I miss the most in the show.


	40. Against our better judgement

**Disclaimer:** Everything is as it should be. No copyrights infringements intended. It's just fan material.

 **A/N:** A Gift to Miggy but we can share.

\- 40-

Against our Better Judgements

After Warren said goodbye to the staff, Meredith saw him coming out from Weber's office through the open blinds of her faculty office. Catherine and Richard were walking him to the front door, chatting and exchanging pleasantries. She quickly dropped behind her desk as they crossed the distance separating them from the elevator. Why did she do that? She asked herself all the while holding the chair in front of her to shield herself completely. They didn't see her it seems. They entered the elevator. She breathed a sigh of relief. What happened to opening her black book someone might ask ? Oh well, she knew Cristina didn't really believe her. She didn't quite believe herself as she said it. Anyway, that wasn't happening with Warren Fresker. There would be nothing happening with him.

He probably discussed the job again with Richard and they finally came to the reasonable conclusion that it was not a job for him. He probably said he did not want it again and again since he was already Chief of Staff in Annapolis. They probably exchanged some chief's anecdotes and congratulate themselves on keeping their sanity today. Now he was probably getting into that car which was going to the airport. She was never going to see him again. A relief in itself!

Meredith looked down rather annoyed with herself. She erased those words which had nothing to do with the typing of her reports. For a minute, she contemplated her own behavior. Why was she relieved? Why would she care? At some point she had been the kind that did not care. Why suddenly was she caring about this stranger? She sighed again and typed angrily on the keyboard of the computer. She did care. She hugged the man. Twice. One time had been totally selfless. Meredith felt her throat tightened at the reminder. They were even. Like they needed to say goodbye? No, she hated goodbyes. Goodbye would only be awkward. They would use banalities, make small talk, and it would be so unlike them. She didn't want that. She admonished herself again. As if what they had was so special! As if they had a thing! Not really… It's just… They got along somehow not knowing much about each other. That was certainly the beauty of it.

Meredith grabbed her phone and searched through the app store directory. There, she downloaded Instagram! She took a deep breath. She downloaded Tinder and five other matchmaking apps. There, baby steps! She was getting back into business. This single thought brought forth a wave of sadness she couldn't possibly explain. She felt the emotion getting caught up in her throat. She pursed her lips together and blinked many times to force the unshed tears to dry. What happened to her? What would become of her? Would it be so bad?

The kids were with Wendy. Alex would be in his new home with Jo. Arizona was out. She understood she had a new girlfriend she was seeing on the side. Maggie would be home later but it was not like she needed Meredith. Well, she could do things too. It's not like she owed anyone an explanation. She could be dark and twisted. She closed her eyes. The memory of his arms around her almost left her breathless. She looked around her. She was still in that office. She closed her eyes. Derek's lips were on her neck and he was taking his sweet time there when he knew she wanted to kiss him deeply. She shivered as she took in her surroundings again. It had to stop. She let down her hair and leaned in that chair. Concentrating was so difficult in those conditions. She rolled her shoulders and closed her eyes again. The raw memory took her by surprise, pinning her in her chair violently.

" _You took advantage of me and now you want to forget about it."_

 _" I did not take … "_

 _"I was drunk, vulnerable and good looking and you took advantage."_

 _"Okay I was the one who was drunk and you are not that good looking."_

 _"Maybe not today. Last night? Last night I was very good looking. I had my red shirt on. My good looking shirt. You took advantage."_

 _"I did not take advantage."_

 _"Want to take advantage again? Say Friday night?"_

That knowing smirk of his… She shook her head as she felt the tears coming back. Taking a sharp intake of breath, Meredith stood up briskly and gathered her things together. She was going home. She was going to take a nice shower and a cup of wine. She could grab a burger on her way home and indulged herself. She was going to kiss her children as they sleep and watch a good movie. She would try taking a look at this Tinder thing tomorrow. She was about to call Alex to tell him but at the last minute she changed her mind. He was probably busy making up with Jo. She had to let him be busy with Jo. She also needed to stop clinging on Alex. He needed to live his life. Well, if he wanted to live it with Jo she had to let him do just that.

 **Trading Yesterday- Shattered ( MTT version)**

On her way out the changing room, she paused in the doorway as she saw Amelia enter the elevator with Owen. They were whispering and looking intently at each other. Meredith just caught a glimpse of them kissing before the door closed. Meredith leaned heavily against the wall and tried to breathe. Her mind was pounding. It crushed her. More than anything in the world, it crushed her to see that they all get a free pass at moving on but her. That was not fair! She could move on too! It was not too late for her! Was it?! She took the stairs, stopping so many times between floors, to wipe the tears from her eyes. Oh why was it so hard? She started to walk faster to her usual parking spot before remembering that her car was in the car shop. She froze. Oh now that was perfect! Meredith bit her lips hard. She needed to wait for a cab now. She dropped herself, lowering to gather strength. She will make it. She had to... for the children. For her friends... She won't complain. She won't say another word about the pain and she will simply...

"Need a ride?"

She was surprised at the familiarity of his voice. She stood back up, avoiding his gaze to wipe the tears on her face.

Warren had been sitting in the back of that car for god knows how long, maybe an hour, more or less. He was lost in his thoughts consulting the journal of daily surgeries on the servers of his medical center when Meredith suddenly appeared on the threshold of Seattle Grey Sloan. She walked quickly, head held low, her hair floating around her face. She came to an abrupt stop as she reached the edges of the sidewalk, as if remembering something. He followed her gaze and scanned the parking lot at once. That's right. She didn't have a car anymore. Of course, he had asked himself what he was doing here. He had come to no particular conclusion. He had a choice between going back to his hotel alone or waiting for Meredith. Well, he just happened to prefer doing the latter.

"I was supposed to get a rental. Guess, I forgot… "

Meredith finally turned to face him. He just stood there, his hands in his pocket.

"I thought you were already gone… That you left for the airport."

"My flight is tomorrow. 7. am."

She bit her lips not knowing what to say. She scratched her head.

"I guess this is goodbye then."

He scoffed.

"Now you want to tell me goodbye, Dr Grey, after you cowardly and conveniently holed yourself up in your office tonight"

She felt her cheeks blazing with hot shame. He saw her.

"You saw me."

"I saw you."

She shrugged defiantly. He made a couple of cautious steps toward her, still maintaining a reasonable distance.

"It was nothing personal. I don't like goodbyes."

She made a few steps toward him.

"Then let's not say goodbye then. "

Meredith pulled back her hair with one hand and tied them in a ponytail. She didn't know why she was so self-conscious to have them down when he was there. Maybe it was because he was so tactile, and she was so sensitive and easily distracted these days. It didn't seem like a fair fight between them. He was all too skilled at feigning his cool detachment when she couldn't hide the effect his proximity had on her. Chemistry. She always hated that subject in High School despite excelling at it.

"You were waiting for me…"

"Maybe… Yes…" He admitted with a tilt of the head.

She could do detached and demure too.

"So can you drop me home?"

"I was wondering if you still wanted that drink."

She could see he was amused. He probably could see right through her. He was having a field day waiting for her to express her possible hesitations at going forward with this thing between them she possibly initiated.

"Well…"

"I'm also quite hungry actually. We could do that too."

Meredith briefly glanced at her own clothes. She was not really dressed for dinner. She was basically wearing the same clothes she had two days ago, a plain white tee shirt and indigo jeans. A black blazer and some high-heeled boots completed what couldn't really be called a look. She looked up. He looked well. He still looked insanely good. How could he look so perfect after stopping a mad man from killing his wife?

"I'm not sure. I…I'm not really dressed."

"You'd like to be dressed for this?"

A smile crept on her face. She cocked an eyebrow at that in amusement. She caught the double entendre. But at the same time, she realized he was quite right. He didn't formally invite her to a date. He just offered dinner.

"I probably don't need to, is what you will tell me next?"

Possibly with no strings attached.

"Well, I certainly have my opinion on the question."

She came closer. She heard it again the sound of his open laughter. It was a very straightforward sound and his smile... Well, she was wrong to say he couldn't possibly know how to smile or that his smile couldn't lit a room. It could probably ignite the atmosphere right now she would not mind. She smiled back.

"Which is…?"

"Don't…dress. You don't need it."

Now, she had to bit her lips to suppress said smile. He had no right to be teasing her so freely.

"Because… I can go around not dressed."

"…Because you're so beautiful you could probably get away with…anything… Including going around butt naked."

Meredith's face reddened under the intensity of his gaze. Well, she went fetching for it but it was still pretty blunt and straightforward of him.

"Don't say anything… That would be awkward. Let's not do awkward tonight!" He said.

"Warren…"

"I don't really like eating alone. Let's leave it at that?"

She took a deep breath and nodded. It was not that dishonest a proposal. They were both hungry and thirsty people who didn't like eating alone. In fact, it didn't even count as opening the black book at all. It didn't count as a date. It didn't count at all. They could stop in a McDonald's drive-thru she would not care. She was just really hungry and he was being… helpful.

"Yes, let's just…"

He opened the door for her. She looked into his eyes one last time with a bit of mischief. He suddenly looked taller.

"How's your ribs?"

"Pretty fine. I had the good stuffs early, thanks to my doctor."

He smiled at her remark and held the back of her neck gently to help her in.

"It's been a while since I've been in the back of a limo."

They stared at each other. Oh no, she did it again. They both laughed.

"I won't ask. It would be asking for trouble. Believe me, I don't want trouble."

"Because you're…"

"Because I'm cold…unlike McSteamy and McDreamy. I'm a very cold McSomething!"

Meredith started laughing nervously.

"Sir, where are we going?"

He looked at Meredith for an answer. She looked up the address of his hotel and was delighted when she remembered a nice Italian restaurant in the same corner. They made a very good pizza there, served quickly which was honestly an added bonus, and she could certainly eat that or a full plate of Linguini and shrimps… Anything actually since she just realized she hadn't had any solid food since this morning. She told the driver the address and he nodded in acceptance.

"So, you know about McSteamy… and McDreamy…"

"Well, it certainly sound like the Mark I knew…"

"The steamy part. Right?" She joked. "Were you close?"

"Well, I don't know."

"How could you say you don't know?!"

"People say they are close to other people all the time. I simply think it's rarely true. Mark, he was my neighbor, my really cool neighbor. He was planning the best parties. He was surrounded with the most beautiful girls. I was just a 18 year old who was about to go to college in a country he barely knew. He welcomed me… Me and my brother that is… Then we met again after med school and my residency, on an ENT fellowship. He was still doing the best parties."

"Sounds really like Mark… And Derek?"

"We said nothing… awkward."

"You can tell me what happened between you and my husband."

"You would ask me to stop that car."

"Is it that bad?"

"We were rivals for the chief of surgery position in NY Presbyterian."

"That's all?"

"Yes, pretty much."

Meredith observed him from the corner of her eyes.

"Okay, then what about your brother… What's his name?"

"Dyshiki…"

"Dy-shi-ki… It's pretty. I like. And you? What's your name? You know your real name? I think I heard it before but I'm not sure."

"Ambesa… Amb is fine."

"What does it mean?"

"Does it have to mean something?"

"It definitely means something."

"It does mean something… ridiculous and mortifying. But well again, my parents they possibly invented the hippie bohemian lifestyle. Ridiculous and mortifying was my way of life."

Meredith giggled again.

"Where does it come from?"

"Ethiopia… That's where I was born."

Meredith's eyes widened.

"You're Ethiopian?"

"As a matter of fact… I am… I have dual-Citizenship."

Their car stopped just in front of the restaurant's entrance. Meredith was suddenly nervous at the idea of getting out of the car. Bartoli was a low-key but trendy restaurant downtown. It was always busy at nights and she wondered if they would manage to get a table at such a late hour. She looked at her watch anxiously. She came a few times in the past with the gang. It was one of Alex's favorite places. He also called everybody by their names, including the owner, Giorgio. It was always very lively in there. Cristina and Alex had improvised many competitions of the fastest pizza eater in there. Sometimes, they even invited other customers to participate. Obviously, Cristina always knocked the competition out and Georgio always got the winner a free pizza. This place was just like the emerald bar. It was filled with happy memories of their resident years. That's why she chose it. But now that she was thinking about it, he said he had expensive taste and that wasn't really it. She probably should have chosen something more high-end like that French restaurant Derek used to take her to for their non-anniversary, that is to say any day in the calendar they were miraculously free of surgery and which felt like a day to celebrate an anniversary.

"Meredith? Is there something wrong?" Warren asked.

She came out of her reverie. Leaning against the open door, he was holding out a hand to help her get down. Damn, it was cold outside. She looked up to see a couple of patrons staring at them. Did she look like she spent ten hours in the OR? Did she looked like she'd just been in a shooting? She made two steps and they were still looking at the car. She turned back. Well, it was definitely the car with its black suit driver effect. Warren didn't seem to care. He ordered a table for the two of them and she only realized when she sat down that he had his hand on her back the whole time. Was this a date? Meredith kept staring at the arts on the wall with that haggard look. Were they on a date? Was it okay for her to be on a date? She almost didn't hear when he asked what she will drink. She answered evasively something red and sweet. Her glorious shift had officially ended when she left the hospital. She was suspended for a week. So, technically she was free to drink herself into oblivion in order to forget this whole idea of a date thing. She looked around at the other tables. A young couple were studying their pizza with something akin to lust. A group of friends in their thirties was collapsing with laughter at something one of them said. Meredith almost didn't dare to breath.

"I knew I saw a familiar face. It's the Brain princess! Brain Princess, how are you?"

Meredith looked up at Giorgio just in time for her to understand why she was pulled into a big warm hug.

"Hi! Giorgio! How is it going?" She asked weakly as he literally crushed her against his chest.

"How are you my dear? It's been a while. How's your friend, the Goddess? And Alex, my man?"

"She is… They're both fine."

Giorgio turned to Warren.

"How are you, Sir! I am Giorgio, your humble host."

He held out a friendly hand.

"Call me Warren. I'm starving. I think the Brain Princess here is close to fainting. But that may as well be because she realized she wanted to be anywhere but here. No offense to you. It's my fault!"

Giorgio laughed at that.

"She is a tough crowd I should know. But after I fixed you two… She will be in the best of mood, I promise. I made it a point that my customers always leave with a smile."

Meredith couldn't take her eyes of the floor. It was like they were speaking another language. She nodded until she realized they were indeed speaking another language, italian. The two men laughed again and she wondered what made them laugh. Her brain froze on autopilot mode as soon as she got down the car. Warren was staring at her with this amused expression. What were they talking about? What was he thinking?

"See, she is smiling already. Some wine?"

He said something in italian again and Meredith simply nodded. She needed wine… She needed a bottle of something… anything… really. She closed her eyes as she breathed in sharply. She wished she had not let Cristina put ideas in her head, even if by all technicalities, it had been her idea. She wished Cristina would have done something to discourage her from trying to cheer her up. She was not going to make it. She thought for the second time today.

Forty five minutes later, two empty plates pushed in front of them and their second opened bottle of Red Saint-Emilion, Meredith was convulsing in laughter.

"It was not like this. I was a resident who happen to really like neuro… and well, my husband was not just a good teacher. He was a sexy teacher so I was quite good at it. "

"Sure, I believe you. You would have made a great Brain surgeon… You sure have the hands for it. Vascular repair is no easy task…"

"No way, I would have made it as another "Shepherd" neurosurgeon. There is just about enough of them."

"That's also true. Instead you chose to be another Grey general surgeon…which is way better indeed."

She laughed at her own contradiction.

"Back there, I sure didn't think I would walk in my mother's steps one day. I'm sure she didn't really believe it either. But I like general. I like variety and change and being able to do anything. My mom used to say that Cardiology was about competition and being a winner. Neuro was for the elite who wanted to feel special even when they were not. Both specialties asked you to know everything on one subject and one subject only. You become this expert, you see. But general is different. It is for the surgeons who like challenges, the truly badass one. You have to be good at everything to be General. "

"Yes you do."

"You should know… You're General too. But I understand you don't practice or consult."

"Very rarely… nowadays. I don't really have the time."

"I was an exception?"

"Yes, you were. You were a lucky exception."

"I made it."

"You're still alive, yes. Surprisingly… "

She snorted.

"I'm just teasing you. It's like bike. You know or you just don't know how to. You… You definitely know. You were right at home there. You single-handedly diagnosed that rare breed of cancer just like that. We could have easily missed it."

"No, I don't think so…"

"Is that modesty?"

"I don't even know that word. No, it's the truth. I was surrounded by very competent physicians in there. No way you would have missed it! Though I caught it earlier… You're very talented just like your mother."

"My mother she was…"

" … A superstar… Five times Harper Avery nominee… Twice winner… First woman to win Best surgeon in America… If there's a moment to be in awe in front of someone's career, that would be it. I thought I would be among the lucky few who had her as a teacher but she was already gone by the time I made it to Boston."

"You're fangirling. That's cute." Meredith said.

He laughed. He could admit that much.

"Just a tad bit… How was it?"

"Growing up being Elllis Grey's daughter?"

"No, growing up knowing that really really deep down you wanted to be like her."

That was quite a pertinent question.

"It was hell. They were days I was not even deserving of walking in her shadow. So I had a couple of challenging teenage years. And you?"

"My teenage years… If I said it had been my wildest years, I'd be lying."

Meredith suddenly remembered something.

"Oh! Is that true?"

"What?"

"You did your first surgery when you were eleven?"

"Unfortunately, it's all true."

Meredith frowned.

"What happened?"

He played with his napkin nervously. Though, his eyes were neutral, his face was still relaxed, she knew it was unnatural for him to remember and he looked like a fish out of the water doing so.

" Sorry, you don't have to talk about it."

Warren stared into her eyes. He never talked about it.

"It's not really… It's just… It's a bit complicated… See, like I told you, my parents they really wanted to invent their own lifestyle, live in borders of common society and hope they will change the world for the better one little step at a time."

"That sounds like a great plan."

"It only sounds like a great plan. Believe me it gets worse… My father was the heir of a pharmaceutical company who like many youth of that generation resented his inheritance."

"Which company?"

"Nothing you would know. FSK."

Meredith laughed nervously.

"Oh! Right, you mean the ones who delivered our surgical tables, our scalpels, our surgical lamp… Our screen boards… our pain medication…"

"Only the good stuffs!"

"…Even the shelves in the OR are made by FSK or one of its subsidiaries. You're being very funny. You're a billionaire!"

"You have to say it louder. I'm not sure Giorgio heard you from the counter. I'm not a billionaire, Meredith. My family is… well-off. I have a very large family… To be even more precise… My grandfather is… the one who hold all the power in the world."

"Chadwell Fresker is your grandfather… And the FSK Research Grant is your family too…I suppose…"

"Yes! My cousin Bryce is head of the committee. Interested?"

"You lied to me! You said you like this restaurant."

"I like this restaurant."

"You have money to go have dinner in Paris and come back for a nice juicy American breakfast."

"You would like to have dinner in Paris?"

"Not me… You, Mister!"

"So technically I should like Paris food better because… "

"I don't know. That's not what's important here…"

"Then what is important?"

"You're wealthy... You are so wealthy your family could probably create its own currency."

Warren chuckled at that.

"That doesn't make any sense…"

"I know… I'm a bit overwhelmed here… I lack imagination."

"Your husband was a neurosurgeon whose skills was most sought after… You have money too…You come from a privileged background. "

"I just… It's not the same… It's in Seattle Grey Sloan… It's not even really my money. It's a different kind of money. We are doing good work in Seattle Grey Sloan Memorial."

"Why? Your money serves a purpose and mine don't?" He retorted.

"I guess I was surprised. You look so normal. Not normal... normal... But quite normal..."

"Well, maybe because …I'm normal… That's just a thought… You want the whole story or not?"

"I'm sorry… I interrupted you. That wasn't fair to you and all your money." She teased. "I"m gonna shut up now."

He let out a snort.

"Sorry I had to… Tell me…"

" To explain… though I don't feel any obligation to… As the eldest child, my father had this huge legacy to uphold to… My mother also came from money. It's my cross to bear..."

She gave him a mischievous smile. He continued on the same humorous tone.

"She was a rebellious socialite who loves parties and burning American flags at Charity dinners. They were a match-made in heaven. My dad left the United States just after med school without his father's consent. My mother followed him out of love. They eloped. Their first stop was Addis Ababa where my dad finished his residency in the main hospital in the capital. A couple of years later, I was born. Two years after that, it was my brother Dyshiki's turn… then my other brother Kanaan… Then the twins… Maleki…and Makida… There you got it ! My entire family tree complete with our exotic name chart"

She snickered while sipping on her glass of wine.

"We never stayed for long into one place. My parents, these brave charming people, they were convinced that the whole world needed them. So my father co-founded with a couple of his european friends a little organization called Doctors without borders. He worked very hard to build the organization from scratch. "

Meredith's eyes opened wide in mock admiration. Not that she wasn't impressed! But she just liked the idea of teasing him on his privileged childhood.

"Everything was going well… We were very organized travelling the word, gathering funding, opening clinics and medical centers, emergency camp here and there, living a nomadic life. But when I was eleven… We had been in Sierra Leone for three months when a civilian conflict arose. The clinic my father built was caught under fire."

He sipped on his glass of wine.

"I see…"

"That day… The rebels… they just started shooting the villagers… It was a panic… and pretty much a massacre… Lots of people died. Everybody ran for their life."

Meredith' s smile faded.

"We should have done the same. My mother...she tried...She urged my father to leave everything behind and just leave the country while we could. She was always smart for the two of them. But my father didn't listen to her. He didn't want to give up his project and the people there. He very stubborn that way... He thought the rebels would not dare attack a place of healing. But he was wrong… They came inside, demanding money, materials and… medications…"

He seemed to look at her for the first time.

"My father begged them to take everything they wanted. He was a naïve man."

"Warren…"

"They shot him… Twice actually… and they turned to my mother… and… they took her... more precisely she went with them."

"Oh my god!"

"Before she left she asked me to stay there with my father. She asked me to save him… She said she would come back. She said I needed to be the responsible one... to be strong… And she went with them…"

Meredith put a hand on her mouth, at a loss what to say.

"He was already unconscious and he was going to die. I couldn' really count on Dyshiki. He had a temper. He grabbed a gun that had been abandoned on the ground and ran after them. The twins were screaming in their crib. Kanaan was scared and useless. He was too young. I gathered what I needed because I saw my father do this a few times. I lacked proper medication… Proper training too... but I had no choice but to give it a try… "

He laughed. Meredith sighed.

"I don't remember what I did that day. When I wrote my essay to get into Ivy-league, the one everybody keep referring too, I embellished a few things. I said the patient was a stranger. I said I knew what I was doing. I said my hands didn't shake in fear. I said I knew it would end well. I said my father taught us to do our best to hope for the best… Complete lies… I said that my father he guided me through it. I lied. He was unconscious for three days. I constantly stayed up. I had to find food for the twins... For Kanaan… For the children that stayed behind… The one that weren't dead. Dyshiki came back the day after that with the only person who consented in following him. A priest. It got somewhat better than. He had blood on his hands just like me. I never ask questions. He never asked me questions, my brother. We just… We were good like that. Honestly, I don't remember what I did for my father to make it. I was only glad I didn't kill him…"

Then he stopped talking and there was a morbid silence. Meredith really didn't know what to say. She rattled her brain in order to find a one word sentence to save them both this silence. She brushed his left arm with a light touch. He stopped playing with that napkin.

"Your mother…"

"Oh she came back! At least, she physically showed up one hot sunny day. It was after my grandfather arrived to fix the mess… The politicians going crazy... The media frenzy... The international outrage... He fixed it all. I think he paid a ransom for her… He never talked about it… I don't remember much from that time. She was gone for nineteen days… I remember that because that's how long my father didn't talk to me after she came back. Not a word… Well, after that it didn't get much better but at least he greeted us in the morning. Now… It's easier to understand why… She was never fully with us... My mother… And one day, maybe a year or a few months later, she packed her bags, took Makida and left… I never saw my mother again."

"Makida, your sister?"

"My only sister… One of the twins… Maleki, my brother stayed with us. Makida was the only privileged one, the blessed baby. My mother dropped her at her parents' house. She was raised here between the Hamptons and Martha's Vineyard. She is one of the top executives at Bergdorf Goodman, New York. Nowadays, you can find her easily on Page Six."

"Oh…"

"And that's the unedited version of things… Sorry… Meredith, you look terrible... I usually do not get into this much details."

He finished his glass.

"It sounds much worse..."

Meredith looked into his eyes.

" … I had my hand closed around a bomb... a real bomb who detonated and killed people. I almost drowned and I'm a very good swimmer… I promise. I almost drowned. I saw people getting shot… My husband, my friends getting shot… I crashed in a plane where I sat three days with the corpse of my sister. We've barely met to tell you the truth. I thought I knew her… But I realized as she lied there that she came so late into my life and I'd barely had time to love her properly like a sister should. She was my sister. And I should have had a lifetime with her… not just a couple of years… She was one of the resident here. And to look at her lying there… her body decaying… I thought I would become insane."

She took a deep breath.

"I thought that was it… My sanity was gone. I couldn't come back from this. Even when they saved us… I thought things could never go back to normal after that… but things did get back to normal...and I feel awful for saying it. But I made it because Derek had been there. I had him… He was there…with me… Every step of the way… I always made it because he was there during each of these events. He was the common denominator. He was there. But when the two police officers came at my door last year, I was back to that place… that dark place… those woods… where I laid with the noise of the broken engine… I thought I would die… standing there listening as they call me Mrs Shepherd and told me to sit down so they could talk to me. I felt like it was the end of me. I felt like I was dead… I should have died back there. I should have died…already... and be spared of this... Because when they told me I had to go see my brain dead husband… Of course they didn't put it that way. They say nice encouraging things to get me into that car with my kids. But I just knew… I felt it… The moment a part of me went missing again… I just knew there was no way I would make it… When I got into that car, I honestly didn't care how it would end. I just… hit reverse and drove back. I wondered ever since… But when I saw you enter that room… with those eyes… I recognized that look… I understood the line I was walking on… I got afraid of falling for the first time. I left that room very afraid. You got me to be afraid just by looking at you. Thank you, you probably saved my life."

Meredith swallowed. He briefly put his hand on her shoulder, and brush away a few strands of hair. She smiled like a true Mona Lisa.

"It's never gonna get better?"

"Well, we're still standing and you saved a life today."

"You did too."

"It should be enough, right? It should be enough for one more day of..."

"...Silent insanity.."

"Maybe it will get better… Maybe not... There's always a cure… We just didn't find it yet."

Meredith filled their glasses again and nodded as she sipped slowly on the content. When they left the restaurant to walk to his hotel, it was closer to midnight. They had sent the driver home. Warren gave him a very large tip and told him something about being sorry he had been an ass the other day. Meredith waited for him on the sidewalk, his coat covering her shoulder. She was only too happy about the new arrangements. She'd gladly exchange this nice car which attracted way too much attention for a dirty cab. They went for a last drink in the bar of his hotel since he taunted her into putting everything on the tab for Catherine to pick up. Meredith was currently perched on a stool drinking Tequila. He was having his second Cuba Libre. She tasted the first and it burned her tongue. She was a bit flushed and sweaty because of the alcohol. She ditched her blazer on the back of her chair. He did the same with his coat.

" No, you did not?"

"I did…"

"You really got dreadlocks?"

"It's the sad truth. 3 years… Worse, I was going to start college like that… But Dyshiki decided he would save me… from the pain."

" What did he do? "

"He gave me cough syrup mixed with Caipirinha. We were in Brazil. It knocked me out real good. Sesen and him shaved my head…then… I was bald the next day. I started freshman year bald as a bowling ball. It was never the same after that. I still cried over my wonderful lion mane."

Meredith dissolved into laughter.

"Sesen... Who is Sesen?"

"She was a friend from home."

"Tell me there are pictures of your impressive mane! Tell me where I can find them?"

"That's not funny."

"That's hilarious!"

"I think I destroyed everything when I came to my senses."

"I will use google on this. You never know. People tend to not like you much and Google never forgets."

"They don't like you either. They call you Medusa. You're a monster of mythical proportions, Meredith. You're a legend."

"Thank you! I'm also known as Calamity Jane, Terminator, Big Grey, and the second Nazi… But shush, don't tell anyone, I'm a big softie deep inside."

"I'm sure you are… The way you ruled that OR screamed of softness and tenderness…"

"Hey I never said I didn't have a spirit!"

" You do… You're very spirited. I heard something else. I think it may be a mistake or a misinterpretation of sorts. Maybe I got lost in translation…"

"Like?"

"Maggie Pierce is your sister?"

"Ah…you almost scared me. I thought you were in on one of my really dirty secrets or something. But yes she is… Maggie is the lovechild of my mother and Chief Webber. Unlike you who was fortunate to grew up with your siblings, I have a tendency to meet my sisters rather late in life."

"Richard Webber? Seriously?"

"Yes. They had a torrid love affair while they were both married. My mother got divorced and he stayed with his wife. My mom put Maggie up for adoption when she was born…I was just a kid back then. I just found out a little over two years ago. My mother, blessed her diabolically misunderstood soul, led a very complicated life."

He was just smiling. She tilted her head.

"You think I'm just joking."

"You have to admit."

"I'm sorry my life is a bit…out of the box?"

"Only out of the box? Your life is crazy."

"Thank you! You with the crazier life! Why didn't you become a Doctor without borders? A very hot one?"

"Where is my brother Kanaan to hear you? I don't know. I came to like a little comfort and luxury. I'm a sell-out."

"Apart from that time, did you ever have another near death experience? I only remembered when I almost drown."

"I caught Malaria once and we were short on medicines. I never sweated so much in my life. I thought that was it… I was going to leave this world. I saw my grandmother. She looked very young. "

"Malaria, was it all they're saying it is?"

"Well, I had very naughty dreams that night."

"Gross!"

"Not with my grandmother, Meredith!"

Meredith snorted.

"It didn't sound like she was not involved… My bad... You looked like the type with a kink..." She teased.

He grinned.

"You are terrible."

"I stayed in this state of hypothermia for hours. I saw my mom as she died. She died the same day."

"Why don't you beat me into a corner, do you? With your perfectly unorthodox life …"

"What can I say? That was really not my first concussion. I saw things but it's strange that you don't get to remember afterwards. I do not remember any of it in details now. "

"Maybe it's for the best… You would not want to live knowing what may happen afterward."

"I wouldn't be fighting so much to go back to it." She laughed.

He did not.

"That was not funny." She conceded.

"That was very funny. That's not the problem.

He avoided her stare and pushed his empty glass aside. She was surprised at what he said next.

"Meredith, I don't do relationship well. In fact, like you may have guessed, I'm terrible at it."

"Makes us both."

"I don't want to lead you on…"

"Lead me on? Let me tell you… I met a guy… in a bar… once. Next day I learn he was my boss… Next thing I know he was the one… He was the guy…he was perfect for me… Did you ever meet that person? "

"I wonder… I don't know... I don't think so..."

Meredith frowned slightly and licked the slice of lemon.

"I have not done this in a long time."

He remained silent for a while.

"And do you want to do it… this thing you haven't done in a long time?"

She shrugged with just one shoulder. He stared at her, his hand holding the side of his face in contemplation.

" It's like bike. Like Surgery… "

He couldn't take his eyes of the corner of her lips drenched in acid flavor lemon juice. With two fingers, Meredith played with the crystallized sugar on the edge of a glass as a strange atmosphere set in.

" I don't really know. Sorry…"

He said nothing. His fingers brushed hers softly. Then he really picked up her hand on the counter. Their fingers mingled together until it felt really natural, his hand perfectly framing hers, and then he stood slowly. She didn't hear what he said to the bartender. All she could hear was the sound of her own heart beating in her chest. She breathed slowly and looked around her. It was almost empty at this late hour. A man was sitting alone in the dark corner of the bar, his hands around his whisky. She couldn't see his face. His elegant silhouette was drawn out like a shadow against the wall. He was holding that glass of whisky like a neurosurgeon. She felt a soft pressure against her palm. Warren was ready to go. She let go of his hand to put back her own jacket. He didn't try to grab it back. They were walking through the lobby and he was on his phone again calling for a driving service for her.

She stopped just before the doors. He was putting away his phone.

"I don't like goodbyes." She said.

"Well, we said there will be none of that tonight."

"Why?"

It couldn't be a question in answer to his statement. He had no idea what she was talking about.

"I'm really messed up. I mean truly messed up, Dr Fresker."

He turned to look straight into her eyes.

"You should know the answer to that, Meredith."

"Is that you flirting?"

He took a step forward and took a deep breath.

"That's me flirting... That's me inciting, suggesting, proposing…luring you to the dark side… Essentially, that's me playing the devil in this relationship… "

"This is a relationship?"

He brushed the side of her face, the nape of her neck, played with a lock of hair.

"This is whatever you want it to be...preferably short-term commitment."

"It leaves us with a large choice of possible."

"Meredith Grey, you're a conundrum and I'm a born troublemaker. This is not going to end well."

"No, it's not."

"You should go home."

"Oh yes! I should! I should go home. I have children. Three. I'm a mother of three."

"Yes..."

"But no strings attached. No promise. No goodbyes. That I can do. Can you?"

He tilted his head slightly at that. The expression in his eyes shifted. They both nodded their consent with an understanding smile. She felt his hand on the small of her back and she leaned back slightly in invitation. Indeed he caught the invitation loud and clear. There was this momentum before their lips brushed against each other and Meredith didn't know what to expect. She half expected for it to be unpleasant, the sensation to be foreign… She was reminded in that brief instant that she didn't really know him… She felt like she barely brushed the surface. It honestly troubled her for a second that she genuinely wanted to know more about him. But at the same time it may very well be one of this heresy or whims only the old Meredith was known for. And instead of frightening her, stalling her, stopping, this thought delighted her to the core. She was fully ready when his lips met hers and reason be damned.

 **XO- Beyoncé**

She could see he wanted to go slow and give her time to run. How kind of the Devil? He was an angel unlike her. His lips became more demanding against hers and she simply crashed into him, holding onto him as if this was either that or falling. His hand was snaking around her waist, under her jacket, and she felt this urgency building. And the rest of the world became a blur and an afterthought. It was not important that it started raining hard outside. It was not important that they were standing in the middle of the lobby under the curious gaze of the hotel employees. It was not important that the room seemed to spin around her. It was unimportant until it suddenly mattered so much. His hands on either side of her face, his kiss turned bruising, on her lips, on her heart, on her soul. It burned with intensity and Meredith gasped. He jumped slightly too as she accidentally brushed his belt. He had the slightest hesitation before his lips seized hers again and they soon went back to that slow torturous dance. When he left her again, she was as breathless as him.

"I think we should go if we don't want them to call the police on us for display of lewd behavior."

She found her breathing again and nodded weakly.

"I'm sure that wouldn't be the first time for you." She muttered.

He gave her a wink as he pulled her toward the elevator.

"Actually that would be the first time… I'm surprised you're just okay with it."

As soon as the door opened, they both climbed inside and it delayed her answer for a couple of second. She leaned her back against the wall.

"Maybe that wouldn't be the first time for me…" She winked back.

Warren tried to suppress the smile on his face but instead he realized he had licked his lips in anticipation. The elevator stopped to get another mature couple in. The new couple didn't look like they were particularly in a sensual mood. So, Meredith just stayed in her little corner right there, giggling at the disappointed face he displays. Warren shook his head at the incongruity of this. Meredith could see he wanted to join her or grab her right there, these people be damned. She didn't know he was strongly considering a boycott on elevators all together. Meredith laughed in earnest as they stopped again but there was no one on the floor. Fortunately, they made it to his floor in a matter of second and he urgently dragged her out of the elevator.

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you for your wishes.

¤ On Cristina

I have my idea for Cristina but I will probably continue to explore it more in part 2.

¤ On Scandal

This show often killed me and rarely was I resurrected after binge watching it. I can't with Fitz. For me, he is me the most unlikable male protagonist of all time and that's said after I watched Huck swallow Quinn's face in season 2. Scandal jumped several shark and ambushed too many baby dolphins for my taste. But I adore Shonda's try. I can't wait to see her new show: Quantico or FBI's anatomy.

¤ On GA's premiere

I'm glad I was not the only one thinking "Meh, that's the best you could do?"


	41. Being Meredith (Remix)

**A/N:** Intimate chapter, this one. I don't know it's the more open I've been about my complicated love for Meredith Grey. As a viewer, a cold twisted libra, a girl with ambition and hope, at least like I think I see myself, I heart Cristina something fierce, she is the girl I sometimes am, she is the girl I want to be. Meredith on the other hand, is that beautiful girl who seemingly have it all, the unattainable girl, the girl you would expect living the fairytale, the girl you'd never guess the melancholy she is hiding. She is strong, confident, and bold, except... well when she isn't. That's when she fascinates me. When she is not... I found strength and solace in her flaws and weaknesses. I also have a thought for Derek. Because I do miss him something fierce. Hope that you will all like it!

-41-

Being Meredith (Remix)

Meredith was looking at the water slowly running through the faucet. It was a slow and sinuous stream running along the stainless steel then sliding against the bathtub enamel. It reminded her of his hand sliding against her naked skin, following every curve passionately. Meredith gasped for air and then dived in the water more earnestly. She had no idea what she just did. Sure, she remembered everything he did to her… Meredith came up for air. Well, everything they did to each other. Could it be she just made love with a stranger? It was a voluptuous affair taming the hunger in her body. She's not even going to deny it. She was even in some way hard to please. But the water was so warm it embraced every last places he kissed. Meredith stared at the dizzying view of the Seattle Skyscrapers and the Space needle in front of her. She closed her eyes and dived in again. She remembered gasping for air against that door, neither her feet nor her heart touching the ground. Oh a tumultuous affair it was! When she straddled him to unbuckle that belt that got in the way of her and her needs. She remembered kissing her way to his collarbone, feeling his throat clenched in anticipation. She remembered the way he pulled at her breast… pinched at her nipple. It had been a long time indeed and she had no idea a simple nipple pinch could give this kind of results and she moaned and thrashed at this late discovery. The two of them, he had been right all along, it got messy really quick.

Meredith leaned back against the edge. Her clothes were scattered on the ground. Her blazer was the only rescape, lying almost too neatly on the desk next to his coat. She breathed in slowly. When you've been with someone as long as she's been with Derek, even if it didn't feel like an eternity really, even if it felt so brief and short. There were a few things that started to be like automatism. Undressing in front of each other felt as normal as brushing your teeth or taking a pee. Sometimes, it felt just as dreadful. You naturally started to feel less insecure in the bedroom, which was a good thing, because with time comes an empowering acceptance and confidence in your body, with its flaws and its scars. But well, she could admit she had been afraid of so many things. What if Derek broke her in ways she couldn't fully enjoy this with anyone else? With Derek, she was no longer afraid to ask for what she wanted or be more aggressive. Sometime she didn't even need to be, he knew her so well.

One could argue Meredith Grey had always been on the aggressive side of things. But what if she could not find it in herself to get involved, what if the melancholy overwhelmed her. She also felt prey to the idea and misconception that motherhood had changed her somehow, changed her body for the worst, with curves that were no longer just sexy curves. Her bust was so full since Ellis's birth. Gravity had a way to remind you your age, pushing everything downward. But most of all, will she ever want to have sex again? After all, almost a year had gone by without her having or even wanting to have sex for obvious reasons. It was only recently that the desire had gone back. And she was a little floored at how little shame she felt as she went down on him, how easy it had all been, how much she enjoyed herself. She closed her eyes with a contented sigh. When she opened them, he was sitting on the edge of the bathroom giving her a distant look. She didn't dare to ask what he thought of her. She couldn't care less in the middle of her misery. Meredith dived back right in. When she came to, the silent figure was still there and she nervously played with that ring around her finger. No matter how many times she tried to move past him. He was still there, her very own ghost.

"I bet the water is already cold."

She looked up and sure enough the silent shadow disappeared to make room for Warren. His hair was slightly tussled. He sat down on the bathtub edge. She leaned coyly in the water until it conveniently touched her ears.

"Thought you were sleeping…"

"Sleeping is overrated… " He said playing with Meredith's tiny feet.

She wanted to smile but instead she bit her lips in anticipation and lust. What did it say about her? She pulled her hair back, draining the water on a shoulder. He left his improvised seat to go wash his face in the sink. She noticed for the first time the tattoo on his back, just between his shoulder blades. It was large enough. She couldn't really decipher what it says… It was a mixture of weird symbols and scriptures and a flying bird-man, some sort of Asian deity no doubt. It looks like a sutra of some kind written in Sanskrit. She knew because she had a boyfriend who was really into these things in College. What was his name again? Henry? No, Clarence Henry. Clare for friends. He had ditched a semester of his sophomore year to travel to Thailand and he came back with tales of sex, drugs, and epic freedom, all of which sounded fascinating to her nineteen year old self. She remembered fondly that her mom got convinced somehow she was dating a girl and each time she mentioned Clare, Ellis would shake her head, rolled her eyes, and leave the room. Not that Ellis would have a real problem with Meredith falling in love with a girl, to come to her mom's defense. She always got along with her sister Sybille, the same aunt Sybille who was sharing her life with Aunt Laura. It was more about the sarcastic tone Meredith would use which irritated Ellis. Yes and the fact Meredith never bothered correcting or explaining to her the truth. In fact, Meredith used to love that look on her, a look caught exactly halfway between indifference and care. It was the strongest her mother had ever felt for her.

"The tattoos? Is it to impress girls?"

He turned slowly and leaned against the counter, a long bath towel wrapped around his waist. His waist was slim not without its soft curves. His shoulders were a tad broader than Derek's. His muscles had been taunt and more defined at one point. His arms were as comfortable as they looked.

"Not really, I'd like to think I achieve this only through the power of charisma. The tattoo is just a good luck charm."

"Oh! Really?"

"And… a prompt efficient reminder of what stupid intoxicated youth looked like at one time!"

"What does it say?"

" The sutra? Ironically enough, it's about not doing anything stupid, not waste life, and about the gods watching me, or having my back…or wanting my head… I don't really remember. At last, it asked for my wish to be granted. "

"What wish?"

"To forget…and forgive…"

Meredith leaned back again with a frown.

"They are both qualities and skills I do not possess… and I wish I did."

It seemed like a brutally honest confession right there. They stared at each other. He avoided her gaze first.

"You hold grudges?"

He bit his thumb with a smirk.

"I can… The life-long kind… I'm not proud…" He smiled.

"You never forget…"

"Not easily… not really…" He played boyishly with his ears for a second.

"You will remember me... then…"

He looked up at her.

"Always."

"Will it be the way I moaned your name earlier? Or the way I straddled you? Or the way I let you release inside me?" She teased.

He chuckled out that. She marveled again at the fact that he could actually smile like that, so openly, so freely.

"Do I have to choose?"

They were all very pleasant memories.

"Yup, you must only pick one."

"Then I will go with the way you hugged me… back in the hospital… The way we hug each other. We're really good at that. Holding each other…"

Meredith contemplated his words. She could not say he was wrong. She couldn't say she had not noticed it. The ease with which she could fall into a pattern with this man. She absolutely didn't want to dwell on the "why" though. She stood up all of a sudden and water rained on the floor like waterfall. He immediately grabbed her towel on the heater to wrap her in it.

"The water was cold." She said her lips shivering.

He said nothing but she could see he was hesitating with that towel. And as much as he was taking special care in wiping and sponging, she could read in his eyes, there were a million of things he'd rather do instead.

"You won't forgive me… for using you like this." She whispered close to his ears.

His eyes, a mysterious shadowy misty green widened at her crude bluntness. Well, indeed… She didn't know if something she said wounded him because he quietly lifted no time to ponder, Meredith was suddenly pressed against him, all too aware that there was only his towel to keep them apart. They left the bathroom for the bedroom. He was careful as he laid her down on the bed.

"Not… if you let me use you in return… I promise I will forgive you. "He smirked.

A Cheshire cat smile spread on her lips in return. He was a fool for playing this daring game. She didn't seem like the woman he could easily leave in the morning for so many reasons. Somehow he knew he was about to regret this when he seized her lips between his teeth, and he suckled and he kissed... He probably did way more to awaken her skin… If so, she couldn't describe it… She was not even sure words could have described it... There was a fire spreading across her body everywhere he kissed her. She wondered why she denied herself this pleasure for so long. She should have jumped on him the moment she saw him… or at least that first night in her room. The way he lit tiny little fires on her skin with his tongue and his lips, it would have been silly to pass over the opportunity… to just be herself again.

 **Take me to Church -Hozier**

As soon as the thought left her, her wave of sorrow engulfed her to the point she couldn't breathe. She was convulsing in that bed with him caught in the inferno that was her legs. The tears were flowing freely as she became submerged with emotions. Gasping for air, she came to that single conclusion, wisdom laced with guilt. She loved Derek Shepherd enough to die for him. She loved him to the point she could sit on her chair and wait till the end of time for him to come back. She loved him to the point his sole absence controlled the clock in her heart. But this, well she liked this too. She liked the feeling of Warren tightening his hold on her waist as he continued his exploration of her, undisturbed by her moans or her cries. She came undone so brutally she heard a tearing in the bed sheets.

"Meredith? Meredith?"

She opened her eyes. She was in pain. His hands were massaging her side with the help of a towel. Droplets of bloods stained the towel red. He finished bandaging her left side again. She was… She felt his hand stroke her hair gently. His fingers tangled around her hair, settled firmly around her neck and before she knew he lifted her and held her against him.

"Told you we're good at this…"

And she finally breathed, her chest falling and rising against him, her arms holding onto him tightly, her feverish skin cooling off against his and she kissed him softly at first, filled with doubts, unsure the path she just took was the right one. Who was she kidding? When had she ever taken the right path? It just felt so damn good indulging in oneself. Unsurprisingly, he soon fell into pace with her. There was no rush for what he had in mind. She dropped feather-like butterfly kisses on his shoulder. He stroke her back and the nape of her neck in soothing circles.

"What do you believe happens after death?" She asked.

It was like she was trying to kill the mood, Warren thought. Then he smiled as he kissed her collarbone helping her straddle him. She was looking at him with intent.

"Dead is dead. That sentence sums up everything that I believe in."

"What does it mean?"

"Just… what it means… They don't come back. They don't watch over us from another place. They don't linger to make sure we're okay. They do not exist in this plane of existence purely and simply. Everything dies. Every living thing dies and when they do… It is the end…Right now, it's just you and me… and there's no one else in the room that we didn't invite ourselves."

His eyes were hard as they stared seemingly at the headboard. He crawled from under her and laid down on one hand. For a second Meredith feared she had angered him somehow as she laid her head down close to his heart. She licked playfully the salt of his shoulder to make up for it. His arms tightened around her waist and he buried his face in her neck. She heard him sigh contentedly. He may have been trying to convince himself just as he was saying it because she felt his throat tightened around this bold lie. His lips reached for her ears as her distraction. There was more she wanted to ask. She wanted to know what happened to him, the unedited version of things. She scared herself at this admission and as a result couldn't move a muscle for a while.

The silence was deafening, surprisingly sharp and cutting. She honestly didn't know what to believe, what would give her the most comfort. Both thoughts were nauseating to her. But she didn't want to say anything or move, or settle on a belief. Right now, Meredith was content just being and not constantly finding a reason to not being.

Minutes passed by, maybe hours, she never knew. They shifted into a spoon position, his arms around her neck, facing the bay windows. Meredith was realizing a bit late that they didn't bother with the curtains. She rose quietly and when she turned she half expected him to be asleep but he was not.

"I want you."

She whispered and this time… she means it. It was no longer just her body doing the talking. She meant it was no longer a fire just anybody could extinguish. She wanted Warren to do it. It may be a temporary thing. He may be gone tomorrow… In a couple of hours… to be more precise… It didn't change how chemistry worked. She just wanted him. This time, she caressed his hair in slow motion and traced the outline of his lips with her tongue. Their kiss deepened in a matter of seconds. His hands came alive by her sides. It was no longer fed by hunger only. Though, hunger was a good part of things right now. The towel quickly fell all crumpled on the carpeted floor, his fingerprint on her neck. It was a good feeling, his fingers dancing and hovering over her naked skin… playing with her sensitive nipples. Panting, she felt herself getting wetter. She just wanted him.

The carousel keeps spinning. It could slow down at time or to the contrary speed up. But it never stopped. You could never get down and they were days where frankly you didn't care to. You didn't want to. They were probably the good days.

* * *

 **A/N:** Writing this chapter, I felt every sort of emotions, sadness, excitement, etc. I underestimated how hard it could be. But it gave me some closure and I'm finally ready for Meredith to start with the process of moving on with her life. That was one giant baby step!


	42. Basking in the glory

-42-

Basking in the glory of past mistakes

Surgeons are thrill-seeking monster, coupled with patented liars if they tell you otherwise. We all need a little danger in our life. Why else would we choose a profession where you had to be constantly on edge. You had to be vigilant about everything, have a care for all details, because everything was a matter of life and death. You made a mistake and there was no do over. It was done. So, you were in it for the thrill. You were addicted to it, the rush... Standing on an edge, committing a mortal sin, taking a leap of faith whenever... This was part of a surgeon's DNA. You just hope each time you made a mistake that it could be somewhat repaired and the past amended. And that was it? But the next day, guess what? You were just prepared to risk it all again. You were convinced indeed that it always served a deeper purpose. It all serves a greater purpose.

Her body arched upward, and tensed. She let out a deep moan and gasped as she tried to find her breathing again. He touched her belly slightly and his hand seemed to burn through her. The simple feeling on her skin, on the skin that had been on the verge of forgetting what this felt like, sent beautiful bittersweet sensations flooding her brain. Whatever had restrained their bodies before was now gone, as they lied there, in a web of entwined limbs, breathing as one. His fingers were playing with the knots in her neck; she was playing a different melody on his chest. They slowly let go of all awareness and everything became dark.

The scene shifted slowly from Meredith and Warren in that hotel suite to Owen and Amelia in the same intimate position in his trailer.

There was definitely something strange about waking up someplace you're not supposed to. Before your brain was even completely flooded with that sweet tender awareness, you were in disbelief at your own stupidity. Didn't she know it! Oh yes, Meredith Grey sucked. How come she let this happened to her again? She should never have listened to Meredith. What else was new? Meredith's advice always sucked.

The alarm clock screamed bloody murder beside her head. As she bolted upright, Cristina opened her eyes slowly. She was almost afraid at what she was about to discover. The draped curtains were a nice shade of blue like the sea. The bedspread was more casual. It was mint green. A plush carpet warmed her feet as she got out of bed. She stood in front of the mirror in the corner looking at the oversize Ontario sweatshirt she was wearing. Cristina looked through the open bay windows at the busy streets below. Thank god! Thank god! Thank god! At least she did not make it to the seedy hotel of debauchery and didn't subsequently lost the last shreds of her dignity begging that vain monster to sleep with her! Since desperate time needs desperate measure; it was a consolation of sorts. She was even in a place she knew. But her mood shifted slowly as she realized the apartment was empty. His absence as she woke up was now impossible to ignore. It made her incredibly angry at herself for falling asleep again. It was as if despite what she told Meredith she didn't get her lesson straight and she got caught up in this whole thing again. Was it old age? She really questioned herself. She just couldn't have dirty sex without falling asleep at the end. Whatever it was, she needed to fix it. There was no way she could go around doing the walk of shame every morning. No way!

She picked up her clothes on a hanger in the closet and dressed up in a hurry. But maybe it just wasn't fast enough because as she sat in the living room, zipping her boots, a coffee cup magically appeared in front of her out of nowhere. She frowned. She looked up first in surprise then in distrust. Erwan put down a brown bag on the table and a newspaper. She stared at him from head to toe, marveling not for the first time at how tall he was.

"Sugar?" He offered.

Cristina looked around as if she was not sure he was speaking to her. She was speechless. She thought he had left for the hospital already not that he was making coffee delivery. She brought the cup to her nose. The damn thing smelled good but somehow even that still sounded suspicious as hell. He left for the kitchen again. When he finished setting the table for two, he sat down on the opposite end and spread a newspaper in German in front of him.

"No sugar?"

Her eyes widened again. Her mouth was agape. She was at a loss for words.

"This means nothing."

She finally said as she opened the brown bag. She better not leave him and his imagination wander. She better crushed this puppy's spirit early. Oh this crescent-looking thing looked so damn good!

"They're not croissant, they're Gipfeli. It's almost the same. I'm no purist. Baker is german. Well, his wife is Italian. Mostly it's good… what he does… what they do… But it's not traditional croissant. I like these but if you don't… I can probably find something else… There's some bread too in… the kitchen. I can probably make pancakes... or not... It's been a long time and well... But well, there's also the fact I don't really know how to to take in consideration."

Cristina said nothing and helped herself to one of the small pastries. She ate slowly. She kept staring at him with something akin to raw fascination. He just looked so different in the morning glow. He even looked different than his annoying hospital self. Sure, he was still this blabbering mess. But he looked damn cute blabbing nonsense and she also discovered he was hiding a body under this scrubs of his. He was tall and slender underneath all these clothes. He had a great set of hands. She stared at his hands with nimble long fingers. He looked absorbed by his read.

"You think this means something, huh?" She asked in defiance.

He looked up smiling with this boyish candidness in his eyes. He looked like this horrible kid who still believes in Santa Claus after everyone took turned explaining to him that Santa wasn't real. It was disgusting.

"No, you said it yourself it means nothing."

He smiled and got back to reading.

"Good. You have to remember that because it really means nothing." She said as she sipped on her coffee.

"You insisted seven times after all."

"Seven… time. "

"Well, once when you knocked on my door at four in the morning… Another time when we kissed in the living room… Three times when we…"

"I get the picture. I really insisted… But if I do repeat myself on this particular subject it's because… It's important that we remember that we need to keep a healthy distance to each other from now on."

"It means nothing, alright."

"What did you just say? What part did you not understand?"

"I was just establishing the fact that this means nothing."

" Listen, it probably won't happen again. I don't know why you insist on this."

He nodded just as he did the unthinkable and dipped his fake croissant in his coffee. Cristina closed her eyes.

"What are you doing? We're not a couple. This didn't happen. So don't do "coupl-y" things! "

It was his turn to be surprised. He quirked one of his thick eyebrows in confusion.

"Like…"

"You know, dipping?"

"You don't like dipping."

"It's not the problem. It's just… It's a gross thing to do when you're not in a relationship with someone. "

"Dipping? In my coffee?" He asked.

"This is a mistake. I should go."

Cristina suddenly stood up.

"Wait! Because I dipped in my coffee? You never…dip… anything… I mean… Jam… butter… Cheese… They are cheese people. I'm not a cheese person. I'm a pretty straightforward dipper. Butter is my jam. I only do butter. But if you're not a dipper, I can understand. I can stop..."

" No, no,no, no, no, that's not it! Don't do this! Don't misinterpret! I do love dipping stuffs. Dipping is not the problem."

"So the problem is…"

"You don't really understand that this means nothing and I don't know how to make you understand."

She sat down. He was too innocent. Too "bambi spawned" for her taste. Even Shane had a vague awareness to him... This could never work.

" I see… Cristina, what's your favorite color?"

"This is exactly what I'm talking about."

"So… You're not gonna tell me?"

"I like red but this is exactly what I was afraid of. We don't need to have conversations. We don't need to have breakfast!"

"But we had conversations before. We had breakfasts before… I'm just trying to stay in the "before" part of our relationship. Because now… I see you… I can picture you naked. I basically want to make love to you all the time. So I'm just trying to be … I don't know… friendly… I'm seeing the friend zone and I understand you want to bench me in there like Shane or any other guy. Not that I mind... But at the same time I kinda do... mind... But maybe, that's the safest place for me to be right now because you're a complicated person."

"I'm what?" She asked with a bit of edge in her voice.

"And I'm a complicated person too, don't worry?! But… Well… I see you… I see us… And…err… I can picture you naked. I don't know how it's possible to move on to someone else after having seen you naked…"

He muttered the rest of the sentence under his breath, a tad embarrassed.

"…because you're beautiful and all… That's what I mean."

Cristina opened her mouth but closed it almost immediately. She tried again but couldn't found the proper words. She frowned. He was staring at her with these soulful eyes of his, like a puppy, a lost puppy. She was at a loss of words. How come he looked so cute outside the hospital? She looked at her watch. She was not even late.

"You put the alarm clock on?"

"I figured you didn't want to be late. It would be terrible if… I left you there… by yourself. You hate missing…things… Surgeries… Life... We've been friends for a while now... At least I think I know that much... about you..."

"I see…"

Cristina sat down again. She sipped her coffee.

"From which part of Canada are you from?"

"Is this you..."

"Trying to have a conversation here… So which part are you from?"

Erwan smiled with an almost childlike innocence, his dimples showing. Oh no! He was another specimen of fine ! That was unfair. Cristina sighed inaudibly, her face distraught. She was so doomed. What happened to her and her careful balance? Somehow it only made sense when she acknowledged that all this mess was Meredith's fault.

"I will warm up all of this and then the night is ours."

Ben said as he put the caterer's food on the kitchen counter. Miranda took of her jacket, nodding absentmindedly. She opened little Tuck's room, reminding herself that her son was not so little anymore. He used to be into animals. He used to collect everything on mammals to be precise. He used to always ask her to go to the zoo. Today, she wasn't entirely sure what he liked anymore. He liked astronomy. He also liked Ariana Grande for some reasons and… Hip hop. He adored Kanye West. He was growing so fast. It's been two Christmas that he asked for the same thing: a dog. He was at that age. She didn't know how to make room for a dog when she barely had time to spend with her family. Miranda took a sharp intake of breath and remembered Warren Fresker's words. She could be the kind of chief she wanted. She wanted to be the kind of chief who would always find time for her family.

"Miranda? It's done. Ready?"

"Let's eat in front of the TV."

"Really? You usually hate that, baby."

"But you love it! Let's watch some games too! Some football or some baseball…"

"But…"

"I want to do what you want to do for once because you are the best husband a woman can possibly want. You're always ready to lay your life in there for me. You always have my back and I love you for it. I have it all, right now. I want to celebrate the fact that I have it all."

"Miranda… Bailey… You're not even Chief yet." Ben teased.

"But I have it all nonetheless. I have it all. Trust me. I will be the kind of chief that doesn't forget that this is the most important. Coming home to this is important."

Ben kissed her forehead tenderly.

Alex woke up in the middle of the night, sweaty and feeling as if something was missing. He realized he fell asleep on the sofa and though it was quite comfortable a loveseat, Jo was nowhere to be found. The room was dark. He opened the bedroom finding it empty. Coming back in the living room, he noticed the bay windows were ajar. He found her then looking at the view from the balcony with something sad in her eyes.

"Jo?"

"Oh you're awake? How was the nap?" She smiled but it seemed forced.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep. I had a rough day what with all the crazy things that happened. "

"Yes…"

"Listen, I know this hasn't been easy a decision. I know you're doing it because you love me and I really thank you for that…"

"You just fell asleep. I put the pizza left-overs in the fridge. I knocked something on the ground. But you were sleeping heavily..."

"I know. Sorry, it was just… Rough day and all…"

"It's been days… since it was so quiet… I mean no argument, no fights, no sudden departures…"

"And I really hope it won't happen again… Jo… There's no reason. We are good. We can work this out."

"You want this to work. I know. I heard you the first time." Jo crossed her arms on her chest and took a step back.

"Listen if you're unhappy with this, we could give Pierce her place back. "

"So we could get back to our problems…"

"If I listen to you right now, we never left our problems behind anyway."

She looked up. Alex stepped back, biting whatever remarks he had left.

"I bought you a house."

"I know that and we will live in it soon enough! You did something kind and I know I didn't give you the best response."

"No, you're obviously confused!" She cut in. " The feeling is that I don't think anything I do will ever be enough."

"Jo, what are you talking about?"

"No, they're your family… They're your friends… They're the people you confide in… The one you lean on when you're in trouble."

"I explained… I'm currently tired of explaining. I swear it's like you want to fight and will find anything."

" Yes, because I'm your nagging girlfriend."

"See, you're putting words in my mouth. I could do anything… "

"I'm just your girlfriend."

"I could tell you over and over I love you… I could ask you again and again to be my family… Mine… To be there… Stay there."

"Then ask me! Ask me! Just ask me one more time Alex !"

"What?"

"I also need things. I also want things."

"Is that so?"

"I'm scared. You're so self-sufficient with all these other women in your life. I get so jealous. I can't breathe and can't think. Meredith, Cristina, Maggie… They're all your people. What am I to you? What if you don't need me anymore? "

"Jo…"

"Hear me out… I don't wanna fight. I don't wanna be needy… I just… I want to make you happy. I'm scared I'm not enough. What I do will never be enough to make you happy! I don't want to ask anything you're not ready to give but I need a proof this is what you want !"

Alex took three steps back and let out a deep sigh.

" A proof this is what I want? You're the one who didn't want to get married, Jo! You're the one who was constantly one foot out that door. You're putting this on me but… I did the work. I walk the path. I put myself out there. I told you I was in love with you. I told you I wanted to get married. I asked you and you said no."

"But… I changed my mind! I can change my mind?!"

"You don't change your mind about these things!"

"I will change my mind if I want to!" She retorted sharply.

"Very well… Then let's get married! So I don't have to hear about it again!" Alex roared back.

"It's perfect! I can't wait!"

They stared at each other. Alex frowned in confusion as Jo was trying to catch her breath. Blinking back his confusion, Alex stared at her angrily. He heard better proposals out there. Hell, he married Izzie because she was dying on an impulse and it had been way more romantic than this.

"You think it's a freaking game! I'm not a fucking puppet, Jo. You can't put me in a box house and expect me to do what you freaking want all the time. I'm good. I'm bad. I'm worse. Freaking make up your mind! I've been married and it's not a game. It's a promise to take care of each other when things get bad, in sickness or health… it's a promise to constantly take the other's crap and bullshit. It's an everyday commitment, a long-term commitment and when it fails. Well, everyone involved gets screwed out their retirement ticket. It gets complicated… It's a nightmare to come back from that kind of disappointment… I know because I've been there. It's bad enough you bought this house without consulting me… or asking if I wanted to move out my home. But then you got the nerve to expect me to live in it fucking bare of all its necessities. Still I took your crap even if I complained to death… I did my best… I took your crap. I'm crawling in a mountain of debts but I took your crap. I gladly did it because I fucking can't see myself without you. And now that a good thing happened to the both of us, you want more. You expect more. You want me to freaking do the job again. Well, I can't. I simply can't because if I get married another time! It will be meaningful! I want the whole fucking thing with all the things I told you about. I want kids and a house, and a wife who is not freaking ready to leave me because she thinks I'm having a hypothetical affair with my friend. I want the whole thing. So be prepared to give me the whole fucking thing or just forget it..."

Jo sat down, sadness clouding her eyes. She went fetching for this. He was right. He didn't deserve this. She didn't even know why they were still arguing. He was right, this was their chance at making it right. Why was she so unsatisfied? Why couldn't she let go of this? Her shoulders sagged, she looked at the ocean. How did things become so messed up?

"I just… I never... I never went this far... I never had a relationship which became so serious. This is serious to me, too. We've been through so much but it's like there is this long road ahead... Everything got so complicated... This love consumes me entirely. At the end of the day, I'm drained from loving you."

Did she just say she was tired of loving him? No, he was probably misinterpreted this thing. Alex crossed his arms on his chest as he tried to understand.

"It's just… I don't know how to explain."

" No, I get it."

"You're not mad?"

"It's a lot of work. I'm probably a lot of work."

He gave her that smile she loved and shrugged comically. Well, she admitted that really sounded cheesy the way she said it. They started chuckling at that. Jo burst into laughter. He soon joined her. She couldn't help it. She missed that, the ease with which they could get to an understanding of sorts and goofed about the conventions.

"You're really consumed and everything…" Alex teased.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"I'm a mess."

"We are a mess. We are a team." He said.

"I'm not sure… We didn't work together at this house thing… I kind of brought it to us. You're right. I went and bought the loft on an impulse. I was a bit on the fence about this thing with Meredith. I did something crazy and it was not a team effort. It was a selfish effort. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted."

Jo wiped the tears on her cheeks.

"And... I am scared and… I don't know what I want. I don't know who I am. I was this person who only wanted to be a surgeon. I was this person who could live alone. I was this person without friends. Now, I'm scared all the time."

Alex nodded in understanding. He could understand that because he had been there. He was like her before he met Izzie and the others. It had changed him. He was glad it had changed him in that way.

" Oh ! Don't think I don't want this... I want this change. I want you into my life. But it's all happening so fast… I get so anxious. I just don't know… why everything would scare me this much."

"I make you a deal. Let's not get married! Let's just live like we used to! We were happy living in the moment. And when you're ready, you thought long and hard about it, and you're really ready. You tell me. I will be there. What do you say?"

She nodded and kissed him.

"Meanwhile, don't ask the impossible, Dr Wilson! Don't break us up like that! Don't run. Believe I love you… Believe I want to do my best for you… Believe in us… Leave the rest alone."

She nodded again, hugging him. Alex kissed her brow softly.

" Can we go to bed, now? I want to hold you."

"I really need a hug right now, Dr Karev. How did you know?"

"Sometimes I happen to be a good doctor."

"You mean all the time. I saw you with that poor kid's grandma. You were very patient and calm."

"They had been through a lot."

"I never loved you more than at that moment. I was so proud to be your girlfriend."

"We could make something of that."

"Really? Tonight?"

"The night is still young."

"I thought you were tired."

"Well, I think I can find some strength left."

"Well, you will need it… Because I really miss you…" Jo said while she dragged him to the bedroom.

"We're going to do this on Pierce's bed?"

"I'm sure she won't mind. Let's not tell her..."


	43. She left home

-43-

She left home

The moment you sit down and take a moment to breathe is the moment you lose it all as a surgeon. You sit down and the carefully erected walls you spent years learning how to build around patients during your residency, the simple compartmentalization of surgical acts , the emotions you successfully kept at bay, everything momentarily crumbled down under the pressure of the day. You're left to ponder what you could have done wrong but also what you absolutely did right and everything you managed to accomplished that was just in between right and wrong. You wonder then if tomorrow will be as full of dangerous crucial choices as today. You yawned of exhaustion but you're too lazy to go home. You realized you left home a while ago and you ponder if you will know your way back.

Maggie opened her eyes and yawned, covering her mouth. She was ungracefully sprawled on the visitor's chair of Debra Pollard's room, so she straightened up quickly. She was in the clear. There were few people on the surgical floor at this late hour, visitors were no longer allowed, so no one to witness the head of cardio drooling on herself. She could breathe a sigh of relief.

She was completely exhausted from supervising earlier Debra's move from her temporary ICU stay following the shooting to a new room. Though, she still had a long road ahead, Debra was showing signs of improvement and Maggie was hopeful she would wake up soon. Maggie squeezed the woman's hand before she left. It was quite a soft hand, the hand of a mother. Maggie wasn't really worried since Debra showed incredible resilience in the face of adversity. Maggie looked at her watch as she closed the door behind her. It was close to three in the morning and pretty much time to go home. But going home meant going back to the Grey house and somehow she felt a bit shy at the idea. Of course, she didn't change her mind. She really wanted to live there. However when she was taking a moment to consider things, consider the ramifications of her recent decisions, she couldn't help freaking out a little. On one hand, she did want to get closer to her biological family. She moved halfway the country in order to do just that. On the other hand, did she just lend her place to Alex, someone she barely knew, without warranty Meredith and her will get along? Did she just spontaneously went on a limb here and trust Alex and Meredith? It was one thing to say she was going to live with Meredith from now on, another thing to actually do it. What if they started hating each other just like in the beginning? What if Meredith found her undesirable a roommate, she would find herself pretty much homeless, with Meredith's best friend living in her rental and nowhere to go. It was incredibly stupid. It was incredibly bold a move and crazy. Maggie shook her head, standing in the hallway. She pushed her hair back in frustration. It was starting again. She expected the worse to come out of a situation. She was freaking out. Master the fear. Master the panic. Everything was alright. Meredith and she were the same blood deep down. She was getting anxious again and probably for nothing. Everything was going to be fine. They were surgeons. They spent half their time at work anyway. It would work well. She stood up in the hallway and sneezed all of a sudden. That was strange. She was so rarely sick. She made three more steps when she bumped into someone and ungracefully fell on her butt.

" Dr Pierce!"

Maggie looked up. Biting her lips in silent despair, she tried to regain some semblance of dignity. Two rather strong arms grabbed her under the arms and helped her smoothly to get back on her feet. She stared at those big hands with something akin to fascination... But lust could have been just as accurate. How long has it been since she had this intimate a contact with someone of the opposite sex? Oh well, there was Ethan. But it wasn't that memorable to be honest.

"Dr Pierce? Are you ok?"

She was startled of her concentration.

"Dr Pierce!"

"Oh Dr McQueen ! Sorry, I wasn't really looking." She looked at her shoes.

Not because her shoes were pretty, mind you, she was dragging in a pair of ugly scrubs sandals and they might as well be the only thing pristine thing on her since she had spent the day running from OR 1 to battlefield without pausing or taking a shower. Ed McQueen smiled. He was one of those guys who smiled easily. He was probably amused or was it pity? Was it pity? She looked miserable and gross. Maggie was horrified at her mistake. Was he taking pleasure in seeing her like this? Ed McQueen was the only senior cardio attending left in the wake of the departure of her predecessor and Cristina Yang. He was also a survivor of the great Exodus that followed Yang's Harper Avery loss. He was honestly skilled and experienced enough that he could and again honestly should have been considered a candidate to the cardio chief position. But well, at the time, Owen went the external hiring route and well she couldn't say she blamed him since it played in her favor. But Maggie imagined it must have been a pretty difficult pill to swallow for someone who contributed to build this hospital's reputation. Still, he always played along and she considers him her good number two. He was a good team player. Still, behind that shiny smile he must be hating her guts. Maggie forced herself to smile back. It didn't help that he was he type. He was so pretty looking, in a weird nerdy way, reminding her of Dean.

"I heard the day you guys had. "

"Yes, it was... a day... Two days really... It was a complicated case. But fortunately, we are all fine. "

"Yes, this was a great save. I mean I was really impressed when I read the patient's chart. Did you really have Yeahquo on the phone? Did you really learned one of his most complicated technique in a few hours?" He said as he started walking again. She followed, keeping the pace.

"Oh! Yes! But really, it was Meredith... and Amelia... I mean we all pitched in. It was a team effort."

"I see... with Meredith Grey and you... she was undeniably in good hands. "

"Oh that's nice! It was Meredith really... And... And she is in good hands with you too."

"Well, we're just going to do our best to come close to your dedication, guys."

"You do that..."

"You're the chief." He said, parting ways with her.

She made her steps back.

"I didn't mean it that way. You do that. In chief mode... Like you wouldn't... and you needed incentives. I was not on a "barking order" mode. I was just... I was not saying... I was not saying that you guys don't... usually do your best. Night shift is good. It's your team. You're a great team leader. You're doing well. I mean... I just... I should stop talk talking now and go home."

He chuckled at her hesitation, furrowing his brow in confusion. Maggie was jealous of this man's confidence.

"Good night, Dr Pierce."

"Goodnight. Wait! You never wanted to be chief?"

"What?"

"You... You... I'm sorry, that's probably none of my business... But I'm dying to know since you have seniority over me and you're a very skilled surgeon."

"That's really... nice of you to say. But why are you asking?"

" Oh no! I love my job! I love it! Not saying I can't do the job, I'm good. I'm not good. I try... What I mean is why... I just don't get why you're not me. I mean not "me" as in "me" but you're a good number two and you could have been number one and I don't understand why..."

"I didn't want the job."

"What? Every surgeon wants to be chief."

"It's a good job. It's a really good job, doctor Pierce and you're doing it exquisitely well. Once upon a time I won't lie, I wanted this job very badly. But things changed. Yesterday, you wanted crème brulé, and the next day you want ice cream. You changed your mind. I changed my mind."

"And it just happened one day... "

"Yup... Just one day. I'm a single dad with three young daughters and I like to be a daddy by day and a surgeon by night. It works best for my girls like that. I get to go to all their recitals, all the schools fairs, all the ballet, archery competitions, even if it's half awake. I get to go to games with them. I get to have weekends and vacation. That's pretty much my life. And you know I just like to get in an OR once or twice a day and with you being chief, I get to do just that. I really like to do the night thing when you guys pulled all the heavy lifting all day and me I'm the guy in charge of the after sales service at night. Easy Peasy! Chief Hunt knew that about me. When Yang was here, she was a superstar, so hungry for it, so boisterous... She was a pain in my ass to tell you the truth. She was a character. She ruled this service like it was a dictatorship, and everyone needed to make her a happy surgeon. But strangely it worked, she was happy stealing procedures, monopolizing attendings, generally wrecking havoc with Meredith Grey. And thanks to her, I had plenty time to go fishing and golfing, things surgeons also loves to do. A guy developed habits after that. So, that's why I don't want your job. I have a life outside this hospital too. I'm not sure... you have that. No offense! It's probably none of my business anyway. Does that answer your question?"

"Well, I have a life."

He gave her that indulgent and polite look again.

"I mean... I just. I made friends. I have family here."

"Then that job is definitely for you..."

"I feel so silly asking."

"Why? That was a valid question. "

" Not really? You're a good father. I saw your girls last Christmas... They're well-rounded well-adjusted kids. You're a good surgeon too... I think it makes sense that your girls are your priority. I just... I was not thinking when I asked..."

"Well, it's okay. Thank you for the compliment, dr Pierce. But really, you can ask me anything. I'm an open book. It's truly rare around here, a guy with no secrets... You should fully take advantage of that."

She chuckled.

"Take advantage of you? Why not? I will think about it."

She went on her way until she stopped again. He was waiting for her, his arms crossed, very amused.

"Oh I so...didn't say that. I did not say that at all. "

"Well, good night, Dr Pierce."

"Maggie... We're pretty much equal... except for the chief thing. Goodnight..."

"Call me Ed..."

"Goodnight, Ed."

Okay, that was weird. She looked at her watch again. But truly, she wanted to look at the calendar. Was that that time in the month?

He waited for her all night. And when she didn't come home, Jackson was honestly tempted to drink the bottle of Vodka he left on the kitchen counter. To be even more honest, he was still very much tempted to do so, sitting on the sofa, with the TV playing in the background. She didn't take her clothes. Her luggage was still there, even her bible had not been moved and she went everywhere with it. So, Jackson thought that it was only a matter of time before she came back. He asked Meredith and Alex if they saw her. He tried all her friends outside the hospital twice. He tried her parent's farm in Ohio. He tried all her sisters without any luck. He left more messages on her voicemail. He yelled at her for staying out so late, knowing he would worry. He told her how selfish she was especially since Noah died. He told her he was sorry about what he said in his previous messages. He told her he wished they could work things out. The last messages he choked up and cried and pleaded with her to come home. Then, he wanted to erase all of it but his fingers slipped. Jackson stared at the city through the bay window. The sun was slowly rising. He picked up his phone again and the voicemail announced that it could no longer take any messages.

Jackson angrily threw the picture of them sitting on the mantle against the wall. Him in a tux, her in that wedding dress, it had sounded like the best idea at the time. He remembered it had been his. "Hey, April, what do you say we take advantage of your pretty dress and go do something truly stupid? I just ruined your wedding. Your family probably hates me now. But a mistake or two won't really make a difference, right?!" Hot tears streamed down his cheeks as he stared at the shattered pieces on the hardwood. He was so pathetic. Jackson felt the strength leaving his legs. Who was he kidding? He could never regret standing up in that barn. He could never regret marrying his best friend. She was the best thing that ever happened to him. What he felt for her, he never felt for anyone. That could not be the end for them. He sat down on the sofa. Closing his eyes, he was reminded of his last conversation with Warren. They were standing next to the medical waste station in the gloriously fading afternoon.

"It started half way through my third year."

"Oh man, you want to do this now."

"Why you have things to do?" Warren asked.

"I mean you were just in that room with a killer."

"You asked me why? I'm only answering your question."

"You really want to start this now!"

"You asked for it!"

"I don't really wanna know…"

"Then you shouldn't have asked, Jackson." Warren answered matter-of-factly.

"I just…"

"So it started in my third year, very casually. Your mother was dating that guy … With the creepy smile… I can't remember his name. Anyway, we had weird hours. Your mother was working on that trial. I can't... That guy was probably nice to her and he understood quite well some of her needs as far as I knew. But he didn't really understand the surgical part. "

"The dentist… Greg. He was annoying always asking how many times I brush my teeth like it was a pitch line for a tooth paste commercial."

"See… That's the guy! Dentists, they wanna think they're surgeons just like us. They wanna believe they're just as hardcore but they're not. They don't understand that part. They want to come home to a nice meal and go to cocktails with their wives, showing how much they succeeded in life. Surgeons, real surgeons, they don't really need to show off. They're living in the moment most of the time. They basked in the glory of pulling one crazy stunt after the other. They challenged themselves to do even better with the next patient. It's a matter of life and death. And one day, after we pulled a crazy stunt and it had been a life and death. It started. "

"Greg sucked but one day he just disappeared… not unlike you. So it's something she did. If it's something she did or she does. You should..."

"I never said that. I'm trying to explain here. I know Greg asked Catherine to move in with him… and well as far as I know that was the last I heard of him."

"So you took his place…"

Warren shook his head.

"It wasn't really like that. It was always… I can't explain that part. In all retrospect, we probably were doing more than sleeping together, I admit. We may have confused you along the way. With your mother, it was always more. She is not the kind of woman you give less anyway. Till this day, I don't know what exactly we were for each other but I was more than her intern and she was more than my attending. I got along with you too… Your mother trusted me with you… So it was something… new to her at least… New for me too… But I don't do well relationship-wise…"

"You said this before but it's not true! It's not what I remember! Why did you really leave? We were good? We were like a family…"

"Well, I did something stupid. Just after getting my boards... I bought a house and I was planning to ask you guys to move in with me. See, I was no better than the dentist."

"The House over the Lake?"

"I see you have a good memory after all."

"We went fishing a few times… I love that house."

"Well, I thought it would be a fun place for you to grow up… But I should have known that your mother wouldn't be on board. She is a strange woman, your mother. She would always make it difficult for me to take care of her… She would make it difficult for any man I guess. I respect Richard's dedication… But I was young and foolish… and I didn't have the patience. "

" So you just left?"

"Well, she asked me to… I didn't exactly fight her on this. I didn't really take her rejection well… I was angry."

"Are you still… angry?"

" No… we did grew up... a bit. She had her reasons. I had mine. It was just not meant to be."

"Her reasons… sounds like excuses again."

"At that time, your father called her and said he wanted to come back into your life. Your father would go around telling people that your mother with her new younger boyfriend was not allowing him to be a father to his only son. And he started that harassment campaign against your mother, threatening to destroy what she worked so hard to accomplish… His father, your grandfather was not really on good terms with your mother at that point…"

"My grandfather..."

"He was not so supportive of our relationship for many reasons. So she made a choice, she chose you and I had to disappear. She asked me to leave so that your father could find his place again around you. That's pretty much what happened."

"My father?"

"Of course, your father never kept his promise. It didn't change from the first time your mother threw him out on the streets because of his drinking. Your mother always wanted to protect you. You were and will always be her priority."

Jackson sighed. It was simply a lot to digest.

"You didn't leave because… You didn't have a choice! She didn't left you a choice!"

"Well, I did leave… I did it. I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because unlike your mother I don't think of you as a child anymore… You're not an innocent victim of the circumstances anymore, Jackson. Things will not magically get better between your wife and you. Your child is gone… Either you find a way to live with it or you go buy yourself a gun to end it."

"You're giving me ideas now."

"You're already imploding, eroding and self-destroying with alcohol; I offer rapidity, precision, efficiency. You should attack only the vital organs. You will get a much better results. That's what I told Pollard. Your situations are quite similar."

"Are you kidding me? I don't have a problem."

"You're sure about that."

"I'm not crazy."

"People do it all the time… They just jump. They take meds. They hung themselves… "

"Warren…"

"Your mother of course, she won't make it without you. So I will have to bury my best friend too. Richard he probably won't make it without your mother. So he will probably fade too… And then Meredith Grey and all the others in this hospital, the people who care about you, they will follow because they've already lost so many friends and they will take it hard. Your wife… She will probably take it the hardest. Her husband. Her child. I heard she is Christian. I think she will be delighted to know you will spend eternity in Hell. It will be a comfort to her. Well, Dead is dead anyway. Who cares? "

Jackson's eyes became blurry with tears. He bent over as he suddenly felt sick to his stomach.

"Your dad, he hurt you when you were a child. He made you doubt yourself. He made you feel worthless. Your family… being a Avery… made you feel that way too. When I met you I knew somehow... I just knew how that felt… and I wanted to help you probably even more than I wanted to bang your mother if that's any comfort to you. I guess I saw a bit of myself in you. I wish your mother and you were just a stop in my life but it wasn't the case. If it didn't work out, however, I am as responsible as your mother. It wasn't a perfect relationship… and at that time I had my problems. But this… You're gonna have some tough days in front of you. I'm not sure everything will end up being fine. I'm not sure of anything … But you're a surgeon... You have to figure it out."

"You don't think I'm not already fighting to get better, Warren? I can't sleep…"

Warren grabbed him by his neck.

"I know you wanna get better. And it's not a matter of if you will or not, you have no choice but to get better… There's only one road… If you hurry down that road, well you will get to the end of it much sooner than you think, Jackson. There's nothing there. I know that because I've been there many times…"

"Then what do I do? I did this to us… It's my fault if God would not help us. If she won't forgive me…"

"The death of your child is not your fault or responsibility. It's not even God's fault! You didn't do anything wrong, Jackson. Just like your father not being there for you was not your fault…"

"But if it wasn't for me…"

"It's not your fault. None of it is your fault! That's what I'm trying to explain to you! You have nothing to do with all this. We were adults. You were a child. We made mistakes. It was not your fault. However giving up on your marriage that's on you! Letting this destroy who you are? That's something you actually had a say in! That's a choice you have to make! Either you love her or you don't… Either you want to be her husband or you don't. Either you want to keep your practice or you don't… Your father made a choice, years ago and he could never properly live with it and he wanted everyone around him to be as miserable as him. Don't make the same mistakes!"

"I hated you… for…leaving me. For all these years, I thought you were the... one... I just hated you so much."

"I know that. I get it. I'm not angry, Jackson. That was normal for you to feel this way. I disappointed you. That wasn't fair to you. I'm sorry. It doesn't change anything at what happened. But I should have said goodbye. I should have explained things to you."

Warren avoided his gaze and swallowed hard. A swarm of emotions rendered him unable to speak for a while and he took a step back. handed him a piece of paper.

" Also this is your dad's last known addresses and phone numbers if you wanna see for yourself… I wouldn't waste my time on the man personally."

"You kept track of him?"

Warren shrugged.

"I wanted to make sure he stayed in his lane and didn't bother you guys. "

" I know my mom still cuts him a check every year. When I was 21, I found his number, called him but his new wife answered. She didn't even know who I was. I never told my mom. Before today, she thought that I didn't know about all this. She thought I was pretty much her perfect clueless son. "

"Your mother she loves you more than you can imagine."

"I know… But you… you see me… We talk and… We get each other... I miss this. It's always been simple and straight."

"I will go back inside now. Are we good?"

"We are good."

"Don't go buy a gun. It was a metaphor of sorts… Just a reverse psychology thing… " Warren said as an afterthought.

Sometimes a smile or accolade could speak volumes on the state of a relationship. Sometimes a simple move, a shift downward in the shoulders stand, the hands in the pocket and eyes staring straight could tell you just as much. It could tell you that the bridge had been repaired. What was once broken had been mended... The feeling of comfort, the sudden ease, was back without having to say one more words. Jackson was somehow glad that it had been th(at easy.

As he recalled his conversation with Warren, he could admit that it filled a void somehow. He needed this. You can think that you're an adult now, that you don't need to get back in your past and stirred up the ugliness there. You could think it was easy to forget that the pain was still there and there were a lot of questions that remained unanswered. Warren wasn't his dad, he knew that. But the older man had remained by his mother's side for years, and as a result he was a fixture in his life for just as long. He was there when Jackson got his first selection in the basket ball team in high school. He would never have made the team if it wasn't for Warren's support. They went running every saturday during the whole summer before training camp. He went to all his parents meeting because Catherine simply never got time. He came to every game his first season. At the time, Jackson had been that nerdy kid with more brain than muscles who was afraid to even speak in class. Boys ostracized him thinking he was gay. Girls fantasized on him because of the "pretty" factor but that was it. Nobody ever asked him what he likes or how he felt except for Warren. And when Jackson thought he finally had a male figure to look up to in his life, when he really got comfortable, that's when things got messed up, and Warren and his mom started arguing all the time. Things was starting to made sense now. But at the time, nothing did make sense. When Catherine told him bluntly that Warren left town, he told her she was mean and that Warren would never do that to him. Then when it was time to really believe it, when it really did sink in that he did leave without so much as a goodbye, he asked Catherine for more information. But until now he never got any answer from her. Worse, she would treat him like the child that he was, and told him that he was too young to understand these things and then she would go into her room to cry. Nobody realized what it was seeing Catherine Fox Avery cry, it was something of a disaster of cataclysmic proportions, you even had trouble recognizing it. She never cried. But she must have been depressed for months after he left. He had been angry then, seeing his mother so heart, powerless to stop it and unable to find someone to blame. That was the problem with him. He always needed someone to blame.

If only he could work on his present situation with April the same way Warren and him hashed out their twenty years beef in a fifty minutes conversation. He had been harsh on April at their last session. He lashed out at her because it had been the easiest thing to do. Blame her for the mess they both made. He could easily forget that if she had not been there for him, it was probably because she couldn't, not that she didn't want to. Expressing her feelings in a clear way had never been April's forte and he knew that before he married her. He suffocated her with his attention because he could. It was easier for him to take care of her than to take care of his own feelings. It was easier to blame the distance she put between them instead of realizing he also ran away in the relationship in some way. Thinking it might have been his own strain of bad luck that caused their child to die. This guilt he carried... for no reason at all. Of course, he knew she didn't blame him. He just blamed himself and that was probably what it was all about. He needed to tell her that. He needed for her to come back.

His smartphone rang in the quiet room. His stared at the caller I.D a bit dumbfounded. This call couldn't have been more on point.

"Hello! April! Where are you?! I called you..."

Jackson frowned. Three questions came immediately to his mind.

"Who are you? How did you get that phone? Where is my wife?"


	44. She is going Home ( remix) pt1

**A/N** : Thanks to all those who sent their support along the way, all those who read, all those who favorited, commented, etc. Only one chapter left. Like I told you, I decided to cut the story in parts. Part II of this story " Against the doctor's order" will follow shortly after I post chapter 45.

-44-

She is going home (REMIX) - Part 1

A foreign observer could have sworn these people had reached that rare level of intimacy. After all time or opportunity were not the only things determining intimacy. There was disposition, willingness, and a certain level of commitment to be involved in the strange matter of how people get acquainted to each other. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people close when seven days are more than enough for others... More than enough...

 **Coming Home (part II) – Skylar Grey**.

It was a fine day in Zurich and the sky was almost without clouds. A brief rain had washed every sidewalk and gutter clean, leaving a freshly cut grass smell in the air. The sun was high in the sky and the bench on which Cristina Yang sat was dry. She parted with her blazer a while ago in order not to succumb to the warmth. Having had time to go back to her place, she was wearing something more functional and fashion trendy than the day before, a blue and white print dress. She was playing with her high-heels, letting the soft breeze blew the strands of hair close to her face. The park behind the institute was a hive of activities. The city had organized an exposition of hot air balloons and invited a dozen of schools to participate. On the esplanade, children were lining up excitedly waiting their turn to get in the ride. One of the little girls standing in front of the pilot reminded her of Zola. She wondered not for the first time what her little family was doing at the moment. It was pretty early so she couldn't just call Meredith. But she wondered what kind of day they would be having in Seattle. What kind of day they would be having without her?

Cristina closed her eyes, letting the sun warm her nose with a kiss. Her day's been jam-packed with reunions, with her boss, Mr Dupont, and the big share-holders of the institute. She had to comment and interpret the research department preliminary biannual results and patients' attendance and overall reputation ratings in a sweet hour-long presentation. It was one of those boring days all over, filled with numbers and low on the excitement front. She was in no hurry to get back inside after lunch break. Tomorrow was Saturday and she already dubbed it in advance, her "me" time day, meaning she planned on doing some intense research. Of course since she worked almost 24/7, the word "weekend" had long lost its meaning in her mind. There was only one road to glory. It wasn't paved with "Lazy sundays spent in bed". She made a choice long ago.

Meredith and Cristina needed to have a little honest chat. Her person couldn't continue administrating terribly bad advices to people. What kind of doctor was she? This "black book" thing had been a terrible idea. Cristina took half the blame for falling for one of her crap again though. Well, she should have known better. Honestly, she was sure Meredith was smart enough to never follow any of her own advice. Not that the sex hadn't been good! It had been surprisingly... tender... soft... intimate... It was nothing extravagant, nothing too passionate and brutal, nothing like what she experienced with Jo, but it was just as effective and it was scary. Really scary! How many times was she supposed to expose the fresh scars on her broken heart to danger? It's not even like she needed a man in her life. Cristina had one and she had to let him go because she couldn't give him what he wanted. Now, he was dating Amelia "freaking" Shepherd of the "Shepherd with Perfect hair" Dynasty. She had to bear the fact that she didn't hate Amelia as much as she thought she'd hate anyone he would date. She had to bear the fact that Amelia was just as hardcore as her but not so much that the sight of a baby freaked her out. She had to bear the thought she was probably if not the perfect match but the most logical, the most rational choice there was at the moment. She was a good enough choice. Personally, she'd rather seen him with Callie if it was up to her. Callie loved babies and penises and vagina indiscriminately. She was a good friend. She was a sarcastic baby-smelling addict, a general bundle of joy, an orthopedic badass. She was the friend Cristina would have chosen to screw her ex-husband, if she had the choice that is. But nobody asked what she thought about it, or asked for her fucking opinions and preferences, so she could settle for Amelia " Freaking" Shepherd, no harms done. The Shepherds were born to be "perfect matches". Seriously, she could remember the awesomeness that was Derek Shepherd in his prime attending years and way after and feel the tears in her eyes, and he had never even been her type. God! She missed McDreamy! She thought again of Meredith. What kind of day she would be having without Derek? Owen wasn't dead and she was having one of those bad "withdrawal" days.

Cristina shook her head. She needed to stop this. It sounded like regrets and there were no regrets to have. The point was that she gave up her marriage for this... She gave up in order concentrating on loving herself. So, she had no business being in a relationship with anyone or even wanting a relationship. Erwan was a nice guy. Despite their best efforts, she knew somehow that their friendship was going to suffer from this. He was a committed relationship kind of guy. It was one thing to take advantage of this at work, but it was another to give him false hope. The fact he was willing to indulge her whims without putting much of a protest scared her. She was probably reading too much into this. But he scared her. She didn't want to hurt anybody. Obviously, she knew he had a crush on her like these high school kids love the hot badass school nurse. She was beyond hot. She was very steamy these days, let's be honest. Sexually at her prime, damn Joseph Simon Allenbach for pretending she was anything less than a goddess in bed, she felt secured in her skills. He was an asshole anyway. She bet Erwan would be prepared to vouch to that. He'd made it rather obvious over the past couple of years. She offered herself on her plate last night. She hadn't been thinking much last night when she drove to his apartment in search of a quick fix for her depression, Meredith's words playing over and over in her head. Never listen to Meredith Grey. She was a wholesome person, fun and crazy to be with, but she had no clue how to give advice to people. See, she would advise Cristina against doing what she was about to do even if it was probably the only thing Cristina needed to do at the moment. Cristina picked up her phone and made a number. She waited. He never changed his number. He was such a creature of habits.

"Hello?" A masculine voice answered.

She waited a couple of inane seconds, and they lasted an eternity in her mind. He took a sharp intake of breath once... twice... She did nothing but listening during this brief instant and when she hung up again, she could hear her heart beating faster in her chest.

"Take care now." is what he said in those last seconds they were connected. She was left to ponder how it meant nothing and it meant so much at the same time. She smiled. The scars were so fresh again.

"Take care..." she replied absentmindedly but he was long gone. It was her doing. It hurts. It still hurts like it was yesterday, the time she stood in the gallery watching him save a life, as she was cutting free the ropes of the sinking ship that was their relationship. Cristina wouldn't lie about that. She could lie about many things. But this was something else, this agony was something of a different nature entirely. She was a lost cause, her heart clenching tight in her chest. She bit her lips and fixed the envelope of the air balloon as it was laid out flat and stretched on the ground, an inflator fan placed at the neck. The balloon started to fill up with air and it was almost as magical as seeing the balloon soar in the air. Cristina took a deep breath. The basket was then attached to the envelope and the burner secured in place. With the balloon now half full of air, the pilot could finally fire up the burner which started leaking blue, white and yellow flames like a dragon. Cristina watched in awe as the balloon expanded toward the sky, filling with air, reminiscent of how lungs filled with oxygen.

She never wanted to experience that feeling again, to feel this powerless in front of someone, powerless to stop this feeling, unwilling to even put in an effort. She couldn't even if she tried. It was the kind of feeling you only felt once she was convinced. She put in a mental note to ask Meredith what she thought about that. She was a sucker for punishment after all. Meredith was generally as clueless as her in this matter, but she was also the only person in the world to speak her language, the only person to understand her, understand her contradiction. The kind of job she wanted to do, she couldn't do with this kind of weakness. She could never become the best loving Owen Hunt.

The co-pilot climbed in turn into the cradle ready to soar in the sky under the fascinated gaze of the children. The burner violently breathe fire again and she was reminded of the first time he ever kissed her, the first time they made love, the first time she told him about her father, the first time he told her those magical three words.

When in a relationship, from what Cristina learned over the years, you can't help but be consumed entirely by it. She almost lost herself in loving Burke and at the end of the day it still wasn't enough. She still had trouble on certain days calling it love. With Owen, she almost drowned, trying to navigate through the ups and downs of their relationship, literally suffocating as this other person she loved inhaled this oxygen that was once destined only to her, and the truth was she didn't even mind one bit, and had no regrets... For a long time, she was just blinded by this need to be with him, to want what he wants... This was the nature of deep passionate love she learned. But to be great, to be really great, to be remembered, to made her difference, a certain loneliness was required.

Cristina grabbed a piece of paper in the pocket of her blazer and her pen and drew quickly the balloon and the burner device. She crossed the paper with a line and drew a lung and its connected arteries...

You know you will get to the end soon but you don't mind the fall. He wants children. You don't. Most important thing for him is you and this desire to create a family. Most important thing for you is you and your career... You just can't see yourself abandoning your dream or taking breaks to change diapers... You just can't see yourself becoming this person he needs. It is incredibly selfish from your part. Unfortunately for him, for you, for the both of you, it is perfectly fine too.

Meredith awoke to the caress of the sheets on her naked skin, her face drowned in the fluffy pillows. The day it was, the absence of Derek Shepherd, her last conversation with Cristina came back to her in a continuous stream of random thoughts. It barely started to made sense when she smelled male cologne in the air, and it prompted her to open her eyes. The curtains drawn back, the skyscrapers seemed even more dizzying a sight by day than it had been last night. So, she remained in the bed a little while longer, soaking in the warmth of the additional comforter, feeling like she was suspended in the air.

She looked lazily over her shoulder. The bed was empty. She rolled on her side with a grunt, a bit annoyed that he left without saying goodbye. She was even a bit annoyed at herself for wanting him to say goodbye. She had to remind herself that she didn't do goodbyes to begin with.

"Did you sleep well?"

He came out of the bathroom, buttoning his shirt.

"You left. The bed was getting rather cold." She lied.

"My bad… Trust that I didn't want to have to do that..."

He was giving her that look again. It was difficult to describe it. It was not much of a stare, a simple gaze, but also an air of recognition. It was filled with lust and hunger but also sweet and tender. He would tilt his head in such ways staring into her eyes as if she was the only woman on earth. There was a certain intimacy to it, because she didn't know why but she was convinced not many people had seen that look on him. Not many people he regarded highly. It could have been him pretending, him being the best actor in the role of a temporary lover, him winning an academy awards right in front of her, but she was convinced somehow that there was some sincerity in the way he looked at her. That was crazy, right? It was the kind of soft lingering gaze she thought only people who have known each other for years could exchanged. It frustrated the way it unsettled her. The first time they met, his eyes had been cold and fierce... But now... It unsettled her deeply. So, she was the one who lied, who played a part, and pretended she was so used to all this, as if she spent the last decade, taking a different men to her bed each night. She shrugged, pretending not to believe him. He would forget about her as soon as he would pass that door and she will do the same. What made him different from the hundred of men she simply crossed path with after Derek? She swallowed hard. Was it something about him? Was she the one who was different? Meredith straightened up, wrapping the sheets around her to cover her nakedness.

"Oh but all good things must come to an end."

"You don't have to get out of bed just yet… You can stay as long as you want… Have breakfast…or Lunch… It's not Paris but well…"

Meredith frowned.

"What time is it?"

"Close to noon…"

She looked into his eyes. She found a confirmation there.

"What? You... you said you had to catch the first flight last night." She said, climbing down the bed, clumsily dragging the sheets with her. She should be getting dressed too. She needed to go home. She needed to call home. Where was her bag with her phone?

"Well, that was my plan… but thanks to you…" Warren continued as he buttoned his sleeves with the same care.

"Don't tell me you miss your flight because of poor little me? No!"

She teased, ruffling her blonde mane with expertise on her way to the bathroom. Well, she had to admit she still got it. She had to congratulate herself. She had to tell Cristina. She could still put a grown man to sleep. Who knew? Warren grabbed her fist on her way and pulled her toward him instead.

She smirked.

"Don't pretend to be apologetic? You did this on purpose."

"I'm so sorry. I was really in the mood… You were in the mood too I recall. I didn't take advantage. I wish... I could take the merit... I really wished at some point it's been my initiative but... no... I didn't take advantage."

"You didn't?"

"Nope! You seemed eager... to consent... and you did commit to the task wholeheartedly. You were committed..."

"Committed?"

"Very committed. It was what? Round 3 or 4…"

"More like round 7…"

"Oh don't flatter yourself, mister!"

"Or probably round 8… I was really in an Olympian shape, Dr Grey." Warren teased her, trying to keep a straight face.

Meredith tilted her head on the side, trying to remember. The memories came all jumbled, leaving her with an exhilarating sensation. She giggled and leaned against him with one arm against his chest.

"Maybe you're right, old man! You were indeed in shape last night."

"Don't do that thing with your mouth! It's distracting!"

"What thing?" She laughed mischievously.

"You know the thing you do... The thing that got us into trouble to begin with..."

"The thing that got us into trouble? You mean I got us into trouble?"

"It's evident you were sent by some higher power to distract me, Meredith. I have lots of responsibilities."

He said, grabbing a green tie in his travel bag. Meredith picked up a blue one instead and put it around his neck.

"Blue?" He asked.

"It's one of my favorite color."

"Good to know..."

"Your eyes... They are not just green... They have little sparks of blue at times in them."

He just smiled as she playfully pretended to choke him with the tie.

"What was I just saying?"

"That was just... a compliment of sorts. It was... just some attempt at... an offhand compliment."

"Inappropriate is what we are. Why fight against it?"

"Alright, you're right. I'm sorry I'm a distraction…"

"Since the minute I met you…"

"I'm sorry for distracting you, Chief Fresker. I promise I won't ever do it again."

"Damn right, it won't happen again… Dr Grey!"

"It won't."

His arm tightened around her waist again and he pulled her closer.

"It won't happen again."

"You look so good."

"I'm smelly and sweaty… I need a shower."

"You're beautiful."

"You're not listening."

"Well, you're naked. How can I listen?"

"Don't you have a plane to catch?"

"Well, the plane can wait."

"You were right. You're a born troublemaker… How can someone like you be chief?"

"How can someone like you not be living naked?"

"That's incredibly sexist. You should live naked too."

"Right now, I wish." He grinned with mischief.

"In another life, let's do that." Meredith finally consented.

Well, it had been fun.

"In this life, let's do that again." He retorted.

She pulled away reluctantly and sighed softly. Well, she needed to hit that shower now.

"I should probably go. This has a name. It's called "Children neglect". I'm a terrible mother."

"You are a very good mother, a well-adjusted quite spontaneous mother. They're lucky to have you."

He said as he quickly kissed the back of her neck.

"I'm not sure..."

"Tell the little one to blame it on me she didn't get breakfast this morning. It was delicious by the way."

"Do you ever stop?"

"Do you?"

She shook her head, laughing. He kissed her again on her lips.

"I thought you didn't like children."

"I don't. They're tiny and small... They asked too much questions."

"And Jackson?"

"He was almost grown-up. We were both teenagers. I'd like to see myself as the best friend who screwed his mom."

"You're still a teenager at heart."

"Yup, ma'am."

"Favorite band?"

"When I feel blue and depressed, I listened to Eminem."

"You're kidding right? "

"If only..."

"You're are so... I can't even find a word... for you. You need to go now. I can't be seen with you. Is that a new shirt?"

She said as she cut the price tag. Damn that shirt was expensive! He grabbed his coat on a hanger.

"A new everything… How do I look?"

"Dashing! Like an ad for an expensive watch or car… or both…"

"Thanks I guess… I have no time. I have to go to a meeting as soon as my plane land, thanks to you."

"God, this economy would be lost without you."

"I will miss you…"

"Liar…"

"I will miss your sarcasms."

"Liar..."

"I will miss your breasts."

"Okay, that's sounds more like the truth."

"Oh ! There's a car waiting for you downstairs. It will take you wherever you want today and tomorrow so you have time to get your rental."

"You didn't have to…"

"Well, I did anyway. Do you want me to wait for you?"

"I don't…think…It's… It's better if you just go."

They stood in an awkward silence. Meredith dropped the sheets and rolled a towel around her. Warren kept staring in a daze. She turned to find him stuck in the same spot. Okay, maybe she was messing a bit with him, just a little bit. It just felt exhilarating to discover she still have that much power on men.

"You're not going to be late again..."

He was startled out of his contemplation.

"Right!That's it! Okay, then I will be going!"

"Yes… It was nice to…"

She couldn't find any suitable words.

"It was just nice… I guess."

"Be careful when you walk the line... You know… Just be careful in general, Meredith!"

"You too."

"And you know where to find me…"

"Yup…I do. Like you said, let's get naked again sometimes in this life."

Why did she say that? She didn't really mean it, did she? It was a one-time thing. It didn't matter. That was why she hated goodbyes. She positively sucked at it. She just embarrassed herself right there.

He grabbed his travel bag on the edge of the bed seemingly oblivious.

"I'd like that."

He was by the door when he turned one more time toward her. She was behind him so she had no choice but to bump into him again. She awkwardly stumbled out of the way but he pulled her in a warm embrace. He didn't kiss her then but she knew he wanted to. She could see the hunger in his eyes just as clearly. For a brief second, she was lost in her own need too and really wished he pulled that towel from her and ravaged her just there. It was her last thought as he pulled away. He gave a polite nod she reciprocated somehow and she closed the door with a sigh. Well, that went surprisingly well. She almost did not die of embarrassment. Almost. It was truly like surgery. Getting right back into it hadn't been much of a problem. Cristina wouldn't believe this.

Meredith took a deep breath and then she laughed at the sight of the breakfast tray. Then as she gathered herself, standing for five minutes straight, her back getting cold against that door; she stared at the breakfast tray as the consequences of what she just did hit her or more precisely slammed her to the core. It took her twenty more minutes to take a shower, get dressed, drink some coffee and swallow some eggs and muffin...

She didn't bother checking out. She knew that he must have called the reception sometimes when she was asleep to get everything in order. She did not make it halfway through the sidewalk that a Black Escalade stopped in front of her with the driver circling the car to open the door for her.

The man held out a hand toward her.

"Dr Grey, good Morning. I'm Julian Dole. I will be your driver from now on. Your wish is simply my command."

Meredith stood, stunned.

"I can really go anywhere I want?" She laughed.

"Yes, as long as there is a road. You tell me what you want. You tell me where you want to go and I will try to make it happen. Dr Fresker was very specific that I assist you in the best of my abilities."

Meredith frowned, not knowing what to say. She was not really used to the princess treatment and a part of her was tempted to send Julian home and walked to the subway or call a cab. But when she really thought about it, it really didn't change anything. If he called for it and paid for it, it didn't make much sense to refuse his hospitality.

"I bet he was… Well, why not! I'd like to get fried chicken for starters. Really good fried chicken…Can we do that?"

"Of course…"

Meredith climbed in the back, pulling out her phone. She leaned against the window, the tall skyscrapers reflecting on the glass. Meredith closed her eyes.

They watched movies and they argued on what to make for dinner or who will cook. He won both time and prepared a Caesar salad. She resented him all evening, playing darts with the kitchen's door until he gave in. He cut her a slice of frozen chocolate cake for dessert that had sat on his freezer for ages. He knew he had brought the cake from his parents' house in Oklahoma at some point. But he couldn't remember the last time he had been there. But Vika was uncaring and defiant, swallowing each mouthful with obvious delights, clearly taking pleasure in torturing him. She sat down, smiled at him at the first mouthful, and ate the whole thing, slowly licking every nook and crevices of that spoon. He surprised himself then by kissing her left ear and well things soon took another turn. Unsurprisingly, one thing took to another and they did it on the kitchen counter, against the stair rail and in the shower. He slept like a dead person again and woke up in an empty bed… The usual. It surprisingly felt all familiar and Kyle had no idea why.

When he woke up, the first things he remembered were the slight relaxation of her jawline, the slight pucker of her pink lips, the childish way she closes her fist near her head when she sleeps. His first thought was basically the last thought he had before he fell asleep. Don't ask him. It was all nonsense to him too.

Discovering without surprise that the bed was empty, he had thought she went home until he heard noises in the backyard. She wore his sunglasses and not much else. She was floating on a fluffy mattress in the pool with his unique first edition of Gray's anatomy. He looked at the sky, the sun blaring, barely warm. The clouds were blown by a strong chill.

"Seems like someone is enjoying herself…"

"What can I say? I am easily entertained. You can thank me since I cleaned the pool. I could charge fifty bucks but I decided to do it pro bono. I'm in a mood these days. " She said as she sipped on a cocktail.

"Thank you. What are you drinking?"

"You don't wanna know. It's probably nothing healthy."

"You're still angry about last night."

"Not at all. Your house. Your rules, Man." She said teasingly.

"You know eating green won't kill you. "

She shrugged, not at all convinced.

"Anyway, did you make pancakes like yesterday? I'm famished." He said, scratching his head in amusement.

"You will find your cereal and soy milk ready, princess. "

"You're really angry." He laughed.

He could swear she blinked behind her glasses.

"So what now? You're gonna tell me you do fifty pool laps every morning to keep that insane body of yours. You will want me to do it too..."

He shook his head and disappeared inside the house. A couple of minutes later, she watched him come back with some granola bar in his mouth and two sets of boxing gloves.

"Did I ever show you the pool house?"

Vika grinned behind her glasses in answer.

The buzzer of his cell phone went off and it vibrated on the side table above his bed noisily. Amelia scooped it up, her face still hidden under the cover. She groggily noticed it wasn't hers and gave it to him. Owen answered, his eyes half-closed.

"Hello?"

His greetings was only met with silence. His eyes snapped back open and he bolted out of the bed, grabbing a sweatshirt on his way out of the trailer. The seconds passed and he knew it would end soon, so he paced anxiously. There were a thousand of things he could have said, should have said, wanted to say but nothing came out, as if his desire to freeze this moment in time, had frozen everything around him, including him. Of course, he knew it was her, it was not even the foreign caller ID that clued him in. He just knew her he wanted to say but instead he said nothing... until he was almost shouting.

"Take care now!"

Three simple words. One day at a time. Why was she doing this to him? Why were they doing this to each other." She hung up.

Did she had time to hear him? He pondered then. But he doesn't have time for a long introspection that he felt Amelia's presence behind.

"You okay?"

Even knowing she was there, he was startled when she spoke. The dead tone, resonating in his left ear, was very intrusive now, permeating the reality where Cristina Yang had essentially dumped him and left him behind... The reality where he had sex with someone else... Where he was essentially trying to commit in a relationship with someone else.

"Owen?"

He could see his reflection in one of the glass windows.

"What is it? Is it bad news?"

Owen turned to Amelia once more, swallowing the truth.

"Nope, Wilson, giving me a patient's update. It's fine." He lied.

"Wilson, she is into trauma... now? "

He shrugged.

"I don't really know. She is into a lot of things..." He replied.

"Yes, I like her but I don't really get what kind of surgeon she may become. Maybe she will stay in general..."

That was a harsh statement even coming from Amelia but he could admit he could see some truth in it. While Wilson reminded him of April in the sense that she showed the same promises, he had to often question her dedication... not her dedication really... because she did care for her patients. It was more a willingness to sacrifice some things to become better. His thoughts drifted to Cristina. He had his faults in this. But she went and sacrificed him so many time on the altar of her ambitions, he could never question that her career came first. It was always clear between them. He used to love the passion she exudes for their job...until it blew in his face.

"Sure? You look pale? What did Wilson told you exactly?"

"No... No, I'm actually... Huh? Nevermind... Everything is fine. I wouldn't mind some coffee and you?"

"Sounds good to me right now."

She nodded while pulling her hair in a messy ponytail. They stood awkwardly, neither one of them knew what to say. Owen moved first going back in the trailer. Amelia took a quick look at a watch. What was she supposed to do now? What were they supposed to do? Was that it? Were they a couple now? One of those straightforward and uncomplicated couple... Were they going to be exclusive now? Not that she had a long list of suitors she was supposed to treat by priority order but well, what a girl gotta do to shed some clear lights on her relationship. Did entering a relationship after a day like they had was such a good idea? Of course, she felt something for him. She didn't know what exactly but she felt understood by him. She needed just that these days, someone to be in her corner. It was more or less difficult since everybody around here was part of Meredith's crew.

Owen scratched his head as he absentmindedly stared at his cell phone. What if she was sick or hurt? Worse of all, what if she was perfectly fine without him? What if she made the wrong number? What if she called him only to spite him, knowing he would spent the day thinking about her, about them, about what he missed about them, about the mistakes he made, and the regrets he had.

Owen started to work in the background while Amelia sat on a chair outside, lost in her thoughts. She stared at the hills where she could have a good view of the Shepherd house. It took her breath away, standing with the sun reflecting in its open bay windows, a spot of modernity in the middle of this wilderness just like her beloved brother had wanted it. Still, she couldn't help but frown as ivy cascaded against its walls, growing tendrils in every direction. The driveway leading to the garage was punctuated with weeds and tangled thickets of thorn . A knotted cluster of defiant white Piper's anemone was now trying to drown the mailbox.

"Hey? You're already up. I will make coffee."

" It's a beauty. That house is amazing. "

Owen nodded as he stood up alongside her.

"I can't believe she would want to sell it. I don't understand how she could…"

"She is still selling it?"

"Who knows? One day she wants to, the next…"

"I couldn't keep living in the Fire station when… It's just a question of adjusting to the situation I guess. I do understand where Meredith is coming from with this."

"You still think about her..."

Owen shrugged.

"Well..."

"No, don't answer that. It's none of my business... or maybe it is... It should be if we're doing this... I would understand. I just want to know... or not...depending of the answer."

Owen frowned uneasily.

"I think about her sometimes. I will wonder what she is doing or how she's been... But I think about you two... a lot... a whole lot."

"Well, good answer. I think about you two. And you know, I understand the concept of adjusting… Even if I want to believe we could all do just that without destroying the very memory of my brother."

"I'm not sure… it's what she wants to do…"

"Hey, you want to do that?"

"What?"

"Adjusting… You want to adjust to the situation with me. You want to buy a house with me? I could probably do it alone but... It's a big house to share."

Owen frowned.

"Are you serious?"

Amelia shrugged.

"I don't know. Well, maybe I am… I am… serious. I want to move on. I want to start anew and really leave my past behind, do things differently, but I don't want to forget my brother. This house is everything that was my brother. He just loved that house so much and she is letting all that go to waste and I can't… watch while she does that… I want the house if she doesn't want it. "

"Amelia… about your past... We never discussed..."

"I don't want to talk about it... Whenever I talk about it or think about it... I think about my brother that I lost... It hurts. I'm not good with pain. It's okay if you don't want to… if you don't want me... I'm not good. I'm nothing special. I get it ! if it's too soon or… if you think we're doomed. Hell, I think we're doomed but I also think we're good together… Great even! You're good to me and… this is nice. Not being alone is nice! I'd like to do more of that."

" I was about to say, how do you like your coffee ?! But well, I guess you're right. Let's do more of that." He kissed her forehead.

"We're here, Dr Grey."

Meredith sighed. Her phone rang. Mc Frosty was on the caller I.D. Meredith suppressed a smile.

"You called. You're not supposed to do that."

"I know."

"It breaks a rule in my casual sex book."

"Let's burn that book."

She said nothing.

"Are you home?"

"Nope… I'm busy chasing after other unavailable men. Seeing that being suspended and all; I have all the free time in the world now."

"Any luck so far?"

"Well, I'm still working on it. The day is young. Are you already in the air?"

"Yes..."

"Are there clouds?"

"Yes…"

"Are there peanuts?"

"You like peanuts?"

"It sounds gross when you say it like that."

"Do you prefer "I had delicious peanuts just after take off, Meredith"."

Meredith laughed.

"Sounds worse."

"Say hi to your husband for me."

"How do you know?"

He said nothing.

"Warren… Let me be clear, it was round six…"

"My bad… I owe you…"

"You owe me, you thug."

"I'm going to hung up now. I'm not supposed to use my phone during the whole take off process… I'm getting glares from the pretty flight attendant. She was so pretty a minute ago. She reminds me of you."

"You're one of those bad boys who pretend to be good boys."

"You do have a special appreciation for those?"

Meredith opened her mouth to say something but realized with a snicker that he was probably right.

"Hum… I do love trouble. Trouble is my friend."

"See you around, Meredith."

"Have a nice day, Mc Frosty. "

As she hung the phone, she sat there a couple more minutes, staring in the distance. She closed her eyes and finally got down. She put on her sunglasses, picked up her bucket of fried chicken wings while the driver handed her the flowers and a plaid. She took another deep breath and started walking among the tombstones.

* * *

= "She is going Home " Part 2


	45. She is going Home ( remix) pt2

**A/N** : I want to thank all the readers for their support, the one that left messages, the one that favored the story, the one that simply followed the story. I could list all of you but it would take me a few pages to properly thank you all. Just know, I absolutely had a blast reading your feedbacks. It was really cool. So, I hope you will continue to follow me with part 2.

-45-

She's going home ( REMIX) Part 2

 **Back from the dead- SKYLAR GREY ft Big Sean, Travis Barker)**

 _I never thought that you and I would ever meet again_  
 _I mourn the loss of you sometimes and pray for peace within_  
 _The word "distraught" cannot describe how my heart has been_  
 _But where do we begin now that you're back from the dead?_  
 _Where do we begin now that you're back from the dead?_  
 _Where do we begin now that you're back from the dead?_

Just like she did in the course of their entire relationship, Meredith stumbled a few times in her attempt to get closer to him, looking distractedly at the names on the tombstones. A cool breeze played with the hair on her neck and it felt like a soft caress or a shiver, or both. The grass was all damp from the rain last night, making her stroll seriously perilous in some places. But the sun was warm against her cheek and she soon reached an area seemingly undisturbed by the weather. The pavement was dry and cracking under her boots. He was close to an oak tree; it had been Cristina's idea. They showed her a lot of different spots, each with descriptions worthy of real estate agency.

"Plot facing west, sunny, surrounded by a nice shade of greenery, ideal for memorials and crypts construction, leased for ten or 25 years. Room for extension."

She remembered that Cristina had been in that weird merry mood all afternoon because of it. They visited a few and they settled on this one because it was closer to the doors than the rest, had a nice shade and specifically had room for extension, whatever that had meant to them at the time. His mom had been a bit disappointed. She thought he would be buried with his father in Long Island. But she settled on what would be the closest for the kids and on the fact Meredith already made a deposit. Well, Meredith didn't want to have to discuss any of these at the time, so as far as she was concerned everything went well according to her plans.

Did she get herself lost? Meredith looked around. Where was it again? Oh yes, it was on the other side. A couple more steps on the side, the tree was there. Carolyn had insisted that his grave faces the sun in the morning.

" _In loving Memory of Derek Shepherd,_

 _Loving father and husband,_

 _He believed every day was a beautiful day to save a life._

 _1966-2015"_

It had been Alex's idea. She couldn't care less for what it said, even though, Amelia and her bitchy sisters from hell, were acting like it was a big deal. Alex came up with this and it actually felt very fitting considering the silly manner in which he lost his life. She laughed. It was a strange sound coming from her at that time. But she simply laughed at Alex's suggestion, infuriating the grieving Shepherds a little more and when she signed the form she knew it had been the perfect thing to say about her dead husband. He loved saving lives more than life itself. More than being a brother and a son, he had been her silly husband trying to make a difference, giving strangers, the time she felt she selfishly deserved.

Meredith contemplated the tombstone for a whole minute. She had no recollection of the day she stood there for the last time. She remembered people patting her shoulder left and right, like she was a sick beast waiting to be put out of her misery... and maybe she was... At the time, it certainly felt like it. Meredith took a deep breath as she crossed her arms on her chest. It had been a beautiful ceremony. She didn't remember it that way of course. She only remembers it in painful, ineligible gibberish, painful cuts of her own history, things she rather doesn't wanna know about herself, things to be forgotten. It was quite a beautiful stone, Caroline chose for her son. Yes, she did choose the stones and marbles. It seemed she knew a lot about that. Well, Derek did learn a lot from her. Meredith tilted her head again, feeling the knots in her stomach again. She needed to do this. She simply needed to believe in something. What to believe? What to say? Where was he? What happened to her? They were all questions she could not answer but she knew she needed to try. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine him and found out she couldn't. She felt a tear in the corner of her eye. This thing they had... It seemed it was yesterday, she woke up on the floor with him in her mother's house, in the old sterile house and feelings marginally grew from there, ran wild, transform her in such ways, she didn't recognize herself most days. It seemed it happened just yesterday, when she opened a door for police officers, when she saw him lying in that bed on life support, when she signed those damn papers, when she fussed over what clothes he should be buried with, when she screamed hysterically at the funeral home, when her life got simply torn apart. It was this deeply rooted misery that actually gave her strength to talk. She did a horrible thing after all...

"Alright, what am I doing here? It's so stupid. You're probably not even here, are you? Are you here, Derek? Are you listening? I don't really know what to think. But I will pretend you're listening…"

Meredith sighed. She closed her eyes again.

"I need to do this. We used to talk… and it was the deal… we can't stay mad at each other…We have to love each other even when we hate each other… It was the deal… I just… I guess… I'm ready. I'm ready to talk. I know you can't talk back but I just feel ready to open up about a few things that had been bothering me to say the least."

Meredith swallowed hard and opened her eyes, staring at the stones. It wasn't fair that she was made to feel guilty.

"I'm so ready to talk indeed and tell you how angry I am. I am furious. I'm mad at you. I've been mad at you for a long time now. I am angry, Derek! This is your fault. You made me do this. You made me do this... You were irresponsible driving that stupid car, helping those stupid people, being a stupid hero, getting hospitalized in that Emergency ward filled of even more stupid people and as a result I had to sleep with another man… I had to... I slept with someone else... and it was nice and wonderful… and I loved every minute of it… I felt free for the first time in months… And I wish he wouldn't leave… despite the fact I barely know him. Everything is better than that empty bed where you're not there... Even a complete stranger is better! And it's all your fault, Derek! You wasted time going to DC and leaving me... I didn't have enough time. There were hundreds of things I wanted to tell you. Now I'm just... Now I can't... And... I slept with someone else... I'm not sorry...You made me like this! I'm weak because of you... You made me do this! You might be angry where you are… wherever you are... and you might not like what you see, but I want you to know I don't care. You can go to Heaven or you can go to Hell, Derek Shepherd, I'm never going to apologize for what you made me do! I'm not a whore! You better not be thinking it... If you do, I swear...I'm not a whore anyway. I've loved you... I still love you... There's a part of me that I lost and I will never get it back. A part of me who is so mad at you for leaving us is also the part of me who will love you forever."

Meredith took a sharp intake of breath.

"That said, I cannot hold on to this anger forever… I cannot wait for it to dissipate forever. I cannot be angry with my dead husband forever. I don't wanna be angry. I don't wanna be sad. I don't want my children to grow up with a broken-hearted mother. I don't want them to feel my pain. I need to be better for them. Still, I don't know what to do when you're not here… I'm sad when you're not here. I can't breathe when you're not here."

Meredith paced and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Sometimes, I just closed my eyes so I can remember the sound of your voice and the last thing you said to me… and the last time we made love… And it's becoming more and more difficult and it's more and more painful. I can't live in that moment for the rest of my life. It's too exhausting. I'm exhausted. I'm so exhausted. I wish things were different. I just keep trying to think of you as if you just went on a holiday and you're not. You're here. You're buried here. You're not gonna go anywhere. I'm on my own. When I no longer know how to be on my own..."

She crossed her arms on her chest.

"So, what am I doing here? Am I here to break up… with you… Derek Shepherd? I wish at least... I just... I'm here to reclaim my freedom. Death did do us apart. So, I'm really here to make it official... I'm here to tell you how much I love you…how thankful I am that you were ever in my life. I never love anyone or will ever love anyone as much as I love you. But I will smile again… I will live again… I won't wait for you to come home anymore. You're gone. I will accept that what we had, however magical was it, had a time limit... had an expiration date… and I have to go on… I will try to be a loving mother to our children… You know how I just suck at it sometimes. Well, I promise you I will do better. I know I've been ungrateful these days... because you didn't exactly leave me alone. I have them... and they're a nice blend of you and me... I know I should start being grateful. I'm not there yet. But I will get there because you were the best thing that ever happened to me... But I don't wanna be just the sad widow anymore. I don't want them to grew up like I did. I want more… You showed me there was more to life. So, I want to say that I'm letting you go... for real this time... When I told you before that it was fine… It was fine for you to go… Let's face it, I wasn't really ready. But now, I really think I am. We can love each other. But we will never ever be together again. I will no longer be your wife, just your wife… I will be Meredith again. I just want to be Meredith again. I just need to... be me... I wish that you'd be happy for me wherever you are... I wish Heaven existed so that I can know for certain you're in a much better place... I just wish this was all part of a great plan for greater things and at the end of all of this... I will smile with you again..."

Meredith sat down and slowly took off her ring. She pulled it into her necklace, closing her eyes as the breeze was shaking the tree above her head. She breathed in and out slowly and felt an intense sense of relief. The tear dried on her cheek before it reached down. It was followed by a wave of peace, as the trees silently joined in her prayers.

Vika and Kyle were in the middle of doing something unholy, playing Halo 3, when they finally heard from Warren in the form of a text message sent on both their smartphones. He was telling them that although he was still in meeting with members of the board, their suspensions had been lifted. They were both due back to work tomorrow. The surprise didn't have time to fully register on Kyle's face that Vika bolted from her seat. She grabbed her scattered belongings in the hallways downstairs and her keys. Kyle frowned as he followed her downstairs.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going home."

"Why?"

"Because I have more than one set of clothes."

"No, but really why?"

"We're going to see each other again. Don't worry!" She told him.

She was half the door before he pulled her back by the sleeve of her leather jacket.

" But why are you leaving now?"

"Listen, we had tons of fun but well at some point… we all have to get back to what we know."

"It doesn't make any sense."

She frowned. He repeated again in confusion.

"It makes absolutely no sense."

"You don't make any sense!"

Vika's temper started to flare unexpectedly. What could be so hard to understand?

"Vika…"

"No, you live here all by yourself because you carefully choose to avoid this kind of complications. Hell, even your son, had never been in that house. Now you want me to stay, I should be the one asking why?"

She could see she just hit him straight where it hurts. She didn't felt any remorse though. Her cruel words did the trick. He let go of her.

"I don' t get you."

"Not a problem. Not a lot of people get me. I'm used to it in case you didn't notice."

To say she was used to the rejection was an understatement from Vika's part, she was so used she was making the moves even before the feeling of rejection could be born. She looked at him hard, resenting his clinginess already. What would he have her do?

"So, that's it! You will just take your keys and leave."

"Well, I guess I should thank you for the food now. Where are my manners?" She said again, her voice laced with bitterness and anger.

Kyle took a step back, his face showing his confusion.

"That's right. That's the real me... That's what you get for playing with fire... Because this " can't-bother-to-give- a- fuck" monster in front of you has absolutely no patience. This Kitty appreciates its freedom. She'd rather not mess with your schedule and wish humbly you would not fuck up hers. "

"Vika..."

"You should have just let go...sooner..."

"You know I wonder what it is with you that you don't let people in."

"Oh you didn't hear! I had a difficult childhood."

"I call bullshit."

"Suit yourself. Bye!"

She ran to her bike and started the engine furiously. She skidded noisily in the driveway before reaching the streets without stopping.

Kyle fumed then scratched his head in exasperation. Then, he grabbed his car keys and his jacket and got into the Lamborghini. He already reached the bridge at the end of town when he realized he did not have any shoes on. Tailing her had been easy enough especially when he broke every rules in the book. When he had her in sight, he slowed down and followed her as she took the opposite direction of the medical center. She was no longer in such a hurry he saw. She stopped midway into a Whole Food and he stayed in the parking lot as she entered the market. When she came out helping an elderly woman to her car, they chatted amiably for five minutes. Then the woman hugged Vika and climbed into her car. Vika put all her groceries into her backpack and got back on the road. She did another stop into a gas station to fill her tank. Again, she seemed to know the employee and the boss. They laughed at something she said and she drove away.

 **Who we are – RED**

They drove for thirty-five minutes amidst the traffic, taking the US 301 and Exit toward Rowe Blvd and Stevensville. She finally entered the driveway of one the beautiful multi-stories beachfront properties that paved the area. It had a grey slated roof with stone exterior cladding, large bay windows with white curtains.

She put down her backpack and she made the combination to disconnect the alarm. Kyle swallowed hard. He looked at Warren's message again on his phone, no longer wondering what could have possibly set her off. A few seconds later, she startled him with a knock on his window.

"Satisfied, Mr Mousy?"

"You could have told me."

"Why? I'd rather not change a thing of what happened between us. But that's it." She teased.

He angrily pushed the driver's door open to get down.

"Because… Did you stop and speak to all these people because you knew I followed you?"

"Self-centered much?"

"You like to play games. But you don't need it..."

"Believe it or not, I'm the most open person in the world. It's not my fault if you can't read me."

"Nobody sane can read into your riddles and your lies... "

She rolled up her eyes in defiance and shrugged.

"Don't do that!"

He pushed her against the car as an SUV passed by rather slowly, its driver watching the two curiously.

"You wanna get rough here. I can take it, Kyle." She smirked.

Instinctively, he had wanted to put her out of harm's way since he didn't think much when he parked along the sidewalk, and they were practically in the middle of the street. He let go of her arm, knowing he was watched. It was quite a residential area and though no one was in the streets, he could feel the gazes of neighbors lurking behind their flowery curtains. He looked around before focusing on her again.

"I will even…like it." She whispered seductively.

She smelled of sweat, sweets and cigarettes. It was all sweet and sour and he realized it was kind of familiar and pleasant to him. She struggled to grab her pack of cigarettes in her back pocket.

"Stop playing!" He shouted grabbing the cigarettes before it reached her lips.

"I'm not playing. This is the most sincere picture of me. I'm just that simple. I can't be caring. I don't want to. You knew very well the first time you saw me. I never concealed my devious ways."

Kyle snorted sarcastically, running his hand through his hair in utter frustration. He took some pleasure when his reaction confused her, and the smirk faded on her lips.

"Oh! But no, the problem is you do care, Vika! You go the extra mile in everything you do. You spent your time caring for people... all the while pretending you do not."

Vika looked elsewhere, swallowing hard. She tried to smile again but he could see he finally got through to her. He could start getting even with her.

"You are so off."

"Don't want to get too attached... In case you get hurt... You just can't take the heartache... I get that... Believe me I get it."

"Shut up!"

" There's no reason you wouldn't tell the truth other than the fact that you do care about me. You care about making an impression. If anything I should be the one asking you why you would care so much! I won't. It worked anyway. You did leave an impression on me. I'm less hypocritical than you are. I can't pretend nothing happened between us and that we're back to being strangers. We are not strangers. I will never accept that. Be prepared because I'm in your world now... There's something you need to know about me... I learn to read I was 2 years old. I took apart the family tv screen I was five. Got my first scar too in doing so. What I don't understand I take apart... What I don't know I study... This is my warning to you... Because let me make it abundantly clear that I do care about you, I want to know what happened to you, I want to know what made you this way. I don't care to get burn. I don't care to get hurt. If anything I will hurt you back... I will crash your world before you know it and build something else with you... Something that will suit us both... I'm probably that much of a selfish asshole. That's my promise to you..."

He saw her eyes widened in deep fear at the prospect. It make him smile how adorably innocent she looked right now. Vika opened her mouth, struggled for a minute to find her words, than she gave up and pushed him aside. Fuck ! She didn't feel like explaining herself anyway!

She turned on her heels and ran back to the house.

"See you tomorrow, Vika! I will ask that you be on my service from now on. You need a specialty. You need a teacher. Let's start with that..."

She turned angrily as he knew very well it was an offer she couldn't and wouldn't refuse and the feeling of being suddenly trapped didn't sit well with her right now. She got back on her steps, determined to crush him, his smirk, his beautiful car, she picked up an old piece of wood on the lawn.

"Go to hell !"

"I will… with you. We're a team now." He said with a devious smirk as he drove away, leaving a breathless Vika behind. She threw the wood but it didn't land a strike. Vika just stood there trying to catch her breath.

"Dammit! Damn you Vika! Don't you dare! Don't you dare believe in a word he said... He is just an asshole... He almost let you down already. Don't you dare believe again!" She screamed in utter exasperation at herself, wiping hurriedly a tear. "Dammit!"

 _"_ _I knew you wouldn't be mad at me forever."_

Meredith looked around her with a shiver. The sun was searing hot on her skin. That much felt real. The light was almost blinding where he stood. His hand felt warm in hers.

 _"_ _I… can't…I… I love you too much to stay mad. That's not fair. "_

 _"_ _I don't like it when we go to sleep angry. "_

 _"_ _I'm sorry."_

 _"_ _I'm sorry too…and then I am not."_

 _"_ _And then I am not…"_

 _"_ _I love you Meredith."_

Meredith woke up startled by the phone in her pocket, sunglasses on her nose. She bolted upright looking around her. She didn't remember falling asleep on a dry patch of grass. The sun was really warm on her face. She took the phone, groggily.

"Hello?"

"Bonjour, mon amour?"

"Hey, "Princess Cristina"?"

"How are you today ?"

"I should be asking you this question. Did something good happened? You seem awfully cheery."

" Well, I got laid last night. And you were absolutely wrong, it didn't help."

" So..."

"You suck at giving advice. That's for one thing."

"I do? But you sound better than yesterday...So I guess I was not too far off..."

"That's because Jo's mechanical heart prototype stopped working this morning. They have to push back patient trial for a few months. You should have seen Shane's face. That actually helped a lot... Much more than the sex... "

"Oh that's so sad!"

"That's wonderful news, you mean!"

"That's exactly what I meant."

"By the way, my head is filled with new ideas but I can't tell you till I have done more research on it... Just know that I discussed them with Erwan...and the boys..."

"Who's Erwan?"

"You know Burke's man... His resident... Bambi number 2..."

"The Canadian guy? Or the blonde Justin Bieber?"

"The Canadian guy."

" Oh Droopy!"

"The one... I get confused with all these nicknames!"

"You had sex with Droopy?!"

"No!"

"Liar!"

"Ok. I did, so what? You asked me to look into my network. He is part of my newly created data base of available lovers. I did what you asked."

"He is Droopy!"

"He is actually quite smart. It's really bizarre. Who knew there was a surgeon beneath that cap! He gave some great insights and he woke me up so I don't miss the day."

"He woke you up?"

"Yup, no walk of shame, we walk together to our respective cars... like grown-ups."

"Cristina..."

"I know, I know... I berated you for welcoming Bambi's Spawn into your life and now I..."

"You screwed Bambi."

"I did. But he..."

"He wasn't a virgin? Reassure me."

"Nope, he wasn't. Definitely wasn't..."

"So he was the one... last night."

"It means nothing. He is just... Wallpapers... Spreading the Wallpapers effect with his tender hips."

"What's the "wallpapers" effect ? "

"You know, it feels unnecessary because paint is easier on the eye... but then it really shift the mood of a room, it gives it energy and personality... and you just feel...recharged. You're still not fond of wallpapers in general though."

"Wallpapers then?"

"Yes!"

"Well, if you feel better! Great! Good luck for your research then!"

"Thanks! So what did you do? Did you get laid? I bet you chickened out, you big Chicken!"

"…Yes… I did… I chickened out." Meredith mumbled after a brief hesitation.

"I knew it! I know you so well! Where are you now?"

"Lying on Derek's grave. I came to visit him. We had a talk. Well, I did talk, hopefully he listened... or not... I don't really know how this grieving widow thing works!"

"You can say Derek and... grave in the same sentence? You went to a cemetery? The cemetery? How?!"

"Well, baby steps…"

" You did get laid, you liar?"

"What?"

"Don't worry I won't ask with who? He's probably married or something…"

"He's… not... "

"Meredith..."

"I don't...Know… I didn't ask."

"Oh I had a weird appalling thought ! Tell me it's not Alex!"

"Ew! No! He may be the last man standing in Seattle Grey, I wouldn't jump him."

"With those simple words, I just feel relieved."

"I may have sleep with a married man, Cristina."

"I am relieved indeed. It's nothing out of ordinary for you. Why didn't you tell me sooner ? You're lying to me now?"

"I don't know. You lied to me too."

"I lied about his identity not about the fact I got my jolly's off. It's not a real lie... It's a colorless lie. It's not even a lie..."

"I just didn't want to disappoint your expectation that I was a big chicken and all..."

"You thought I wouldn't be happy for you."

"No, Cristina, it's just weird. I don't even know if you should be happy for me. There is no story there."

"You're lying on Derek's grave on a Friday. That's weird. That's a story!"

"But the place is really awesome… the shade, the breeze, the landscape. It's urban but at the same time. It's really nice. Only thing missing are the ferry boats… But this well, this looks like heaven for him. "

"Thinking of extending property…"

" Why not? It could be a long term investment. A family thing. We could all gather here. You know, you, Alex, me, my children, Alex's children, and your people… "

"My people?"

"I don't know… Whoever you deemed worthy of joining our family concession... Droopy boy or Cryptic asshole, we don't discriminate."

"You do realize I'm jewish."

"What? Jewish people don't get buried?"

"Forget it! You're right! To hell with this! I say I will be buried with you guys. It's going to be more fun anyway than being in the ground with my mother. "

" I know it will be awesome. All of us together… I will ask for prices. Maybe we can negociate a deal or something. I'm rich now or I think I am... Rich people always negotiate to get the best prices."

"You sound like my mother right now. I'd say you're doing great. About estate prices? What about your house?"

"I'm not selling it."

"What will you do with it then?"

"I'm hesitating between making it a very advanced surgical lab, building a superhero lair full of useless gadgets, or I don't know creating a museum to the glory that was Derek's hair."

Cristina burst into laughter.

"I know… I like the last option too."

"You're gonna make me cry. Stop!"

"Why? It is funny right?"

"Yes… It is… I can't believe he is dead. He is really dead, isn't he?"

"Yes, he is… dead."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm oddly… Well, I'm not okay but… I will be. I know I will be."

"Mommy!"

Meredith straightened up as Zola and Bailey ran into her arms.

"Oh we have company! The children are here!"

"The children! Get me my goddaughter on the phone!"

"Who's on the phone with you?"Zola asked.

"It's Aunty Cristina, you wanna talk to her?."

"Yes!

"Me too!"

"You will talk to her too, Bailey."

Maggie gave Meredith a plaid and they put Ellis's car seat down. Then the sisters hugged.

"Hey!"

"Hey! When you said you wanted to have a picnic… I didn't realize it would be in a cemetery."

"It's so nice. There's such a nice view. I never realized last time I was here. "

"Well, I can see… Bucolic indeed."

"The weather is so perfect for the season."

" Chicken?"

"Sometimes I'm just in the mood… Not really healthy… I know… I'm not a very good mother. The kids know that."

"I bought Happy meals on my way here. I'm not a very good aunt. I can cook and at the same time I can't. I'm dead tired. I'm a useless aunt. "

"Well, we're truly sisters."

"You were not at the hospital last night."

"I was not…"

"Good for you. You stayed at a hotel like last time, right?"

"I thought you would be mad at me… "

"I thought about it but I don't know what I would do in your situation. So I try to withdraw any premature prejudices for now… I'm on a judgement diet if you prefer."

"Sounds nice I like that. You're already looking so much perkier."

" I know… Isn't that Alex?"

"Yes, I invited him too. Hey Alex! Where's jo? How's your new place?"

" Much nicer than here. She is working. What are you doing here, you crazy chicks?"

"We're having a picnic."

"In a cemetery… Can you even do that?"

Meredith shrugged.

"I don't know but the fries will get cold. We got wings too.

" I got Milkshake too. You want one, Alex? I bought plenty. I love milkshakes!"

" You're actually encouraging this thing, Pierce."

"She invited me. I like picnics. And… There are much creepier places than this one."

"I love her. She is my sister. Come on Alex! Come on people! The weather is perfect. The grass is perfect, fresh and not itchy. I was with Cristina a minute ago… and we were discussing the possibility of all of us buying plots here. Imagine that!"

Alex stared at Meredith.

"What's a plot?"

"You know where we are. We are at Derek's. But this here and here… We are free to buy. "

"I will pass."

"Why ?"

"I can't be stuck with you for eternity. Imagine there is a life after death. I can't be spending it with you guys."

"Sorry, Mer, I can't really."

"No, Maggie, you're bailing on me too."

"It's not that! It sounds really nice and all. But I'm gonna be cremated. I want a third of my ashes spread on the Kilimanjaro… Another third will go into the sea…"

Alex and Meredith turned to her with wide eyes.

"… The rest of me… will go into space. My dad too… It's all been prepared since I'm nineteen."

"Into space?!"

"Well, they used nice little capsule to send you in the atmosphere. It's awesome."

"That's sounds nice. Now I want to talk about it to Christina."

"I will try to find the brochure for you."

"Am I the only one who like his life and doesn't intend to make post-death arrangements anytime soon."

"You have to have thought about it. It's important."

"It's not… I'm still breathing."

"But you told me yourself you never know when you're no longer breathing."

"It's probably not a conversation… we want to have sitting on Derek's plot."

"Alex, you told her that? When?"

"There was a shooting yesterday in the hospital, Mer! Were you even there?"

"He was panicking…"

"I was not."

"He was a bit scared for you and Jo…"

"How cute!"

"I know! He was all about being a hero..."

"Okay! Stop! It was very reminiscent of Gary Clarke I admit. I may have had a bit of an episode but I was not panicking... I was very put together for someone who's been shot once. "

"Yeah? Gary Clarke? That's right. I didn't really think about that before. I've become so blasé. It's a problem."

"You think? I think you're good all things considered."

"Thanks Maggie!"

"It is a problem. You're crazy… and you're crazy too… That's another problem." Alex said.

Meredith and Maggie looked at each other before bursting into laughter. Alex just shook his head but he could barely suppress the smile on his lips.

XxxxxxoOoxxxxxX

EPILOGUE

XxxxxxoOoxxxxxX

The driver had just parked in the driveway in front of his house when his phone rang. The sky was a swirling grey and midnight blue at this hour, a chaotic blend of clouds of different sizes that shift with the wind. It was a day without moon and the house was only a couple yards away from the inlet. The waves noisily rolling on the shore, a constant motion in the darkness. He answered with a smile.

"You called. I thought we were not doing that."

"I… just… I'm not calling… I'm just checking on you, it's not the same."

"What's the difference? I'm just curious."

"It doesn't involve much talking. We're not having a conversation."

"You know what cannot be for sure considered a conversation? Phone sex."

"Like hormonal college students living apart? You think we're like these people we probably hated in College?"

"You're doing it. We're having a conversation."

"Right. You're so right."

"I'm mostly almost always right, Meredith."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"You're full of yourself."

"You're the one who called.

"I just wanted to know if you made it home safely."

"How nice! I did! You caught me in my driveway in fact." He said as he got down and left a tip for the driver.

"I hate myself right now."

He laughed.

"How was your day with your husband?"

"Cemetery are quite fun. We had a picnic there."

"You are an original, woman! Do you know that?"

"I am… What can I say? I'm not even trying to be. I just am. Okay, that's all!"

"You're hanging up already? It's quite brutal!"

"I'm sure you have plenty things to do. You must be exhausted."

"I am… yes…"

"Your meeting went well?"

"I managed to get some positive results out of it."

"I'm glad."

"Meredith…"

"Okay now I'm hanging up. Have a nice life."

"You are damn right cruel."

She laughed and hung up.

Meredith stood against the mantle of the chimney. Alex, Maggie, and Arizona could be heard upstairs as Alex was moving Maggie's boxes to her room. Zola was trying to teach Bailey how to play card but Bailey had a better idea, it involves throwing every card on the carpet. Ellis was playing with her mobile. Meredith couldn't help the smile.

 **Dead Inside- MUSE**

Pushing the door behind him, Warren crossed the interior courtyard garden dimly-lit. It was a neat space, bright as sands, with minimalist high-end furniture. The alley was curved to soften the effect, with an odd numbers of black marble stepping stones, and ample greenery colonizing the fence. Nature still managed to look tame despite its wildness. It looked like something between the japanese garden and a sub-saharan oasis.

The doorway was slightly ajar and Warren was greeted by a large American Mastiff who jumped on him as soon as he pushed the door.

"Why is Winston wet?!" He yelled, half-collapsing under the weight of the dog. Winston danced around him for a few minutes and he simply patted his head to calm him down.

"Dunno, he insists on using the pool or the beach when we're not there. I guess it's his little "me" time. We should respect that."

He dropped his bag in the lobby next to her leather boots. A thick layer of mud covered them contrasting with the beige natural carpet. He was seriously tempted to toss the shoes outside, but instead he grabbed his and hers and threw them in the closet behind the mirror. He distractedly went through the mail as Winston sniffed the bag suspiciously letting a small dissatisfied grunt when it was clear there was nothing of interest for him in it. Warren opened the biscuit box on the console to give Winston. The dog happily accepted his gift, jumping mid-air to catch the sweets, before he crawled in a corner to play with a tennis ball.

"It's dangerous. You didn't lock the gates like I told you. "

"Nope, I forgot, daddy."

He undid his tie slowly.

"Don't call me that."

She liked to play. But he was not always in this kind of mood, especially after the two days he had.

"Are you going to spank me now?"

Vika turned and leaned on the counter, a wooden spoon in her hands. He was giving her the face he gave when he hesitated between running or punching someone. He looked positively aggravated. She smirked defiantly.

"Okay, I'm dropping the little girl act. I will just feed your stomach and be done with it."

"Probably the best thing you would do, believe me! I'm so hungry."

However his eyes never left the mail he was going through. Electricity came in early. Vika bit her lips. He was going to have a fit when he saw what the mechanic charged to repair her bike. He would tell her to buy a new one. He had been campaigning for three years against her Ninja. Worst, he wanted to buy her a car. Sure, he had all the arguments in front of him now. On cue, Warren's eyes widened at the cost of the repair on the Ninja. But he surprisingly said nothing. He signed a check for the electricity bill, and put it back in the lobby.

"Platinum card comes in handy sometimes." Vika said as she dropped his card on the counter.

He still didn't say anything.

"It's okay."

"You're not going to give me hell for spending money I don't have... Or being generally irresponsible... Motorcycles kill thousands of people each year... and... you need a car... blablabla..."

"If you know the speech, why would I waste my energy! It's like with the door... We've been there, done that, Vi... Hum ! Something smells good. What did you make?"

He looked up for the first time and she couldn't be more proud of herself.

"I know. I surpassed myself."

"How is that even possible?" He asked with a smirk.

She tilted her head back, and the tattoo on the side of her neck stood out, Ambesa, written in amharic alphabet.

"I can't say. It's a miracle."

He undid the first buttons of his shirt and came behind her.

" Oh you didn't? Injera… … Azifa… Gomen… and Kitfo… I like."

"All your favorites..."

"You did all this?"

"Well duh! I spent the afternoon working on this baby after you sent me that message. Wasn't too hard following the recipes… I outdid myself."

"Oh that's what I'm calling a show of gratitude!"

"I was in the best of mood. I still am. It's all thanks to you."

"Just like that, my mood has greatly improved in a matter of minutes."

"Good. I only aim to win. You didn't eat?"

"Nope, I had a coffee this morning and a couple of cold club sandwich on the plane."

"I love these little sandwiches."

"I spared you one but I forgot it… somewhere."

"That's okay. That's the thought that count." She kissed his cheek soundly.

"Just like the thought of locking the door after you leave?"

Vika snorted.

"You're never gonna let me get away with that?"

"Who would I be if I did that?"

"I had the alarm on at least."

"At least…"

"You're right, Chief, I apologize profusely."

"Apology is accepted. I'm gonna take a shower. "

"And will find your dinner served when you come back? I don't think so your highness. I'm in a good mood, don't ruin it. I'm no Martha Stewart! By the way, I need a shower too. I worked hard to please you, Master."

"Very well, let's eat. Then we will hit the shower together! Sounds fair to you?!"

"Wash your hands, darling." She snapped back.

"You're always so testy when I appeal to your domesticated side."

"I don't have one of those."

"I'm sorry you do. You really do. Didn't Kyle think so?"

She lowered her gaze to the pan. She refused to meet his eyes for sometime. Just like that, Warren knew something was up with her. He grabbed a bottle of wine and two glasses in a cabinet.

"I didn't ask him really. However I had the best birthday ever."

She hugged him tight from behind, her forehead resting on his back.

"You're welcome."

"I missed you."

"Missed you... too."

"You realize you're the only one I care about on this earth?!"

It was simply true. She didn't have room for anyone but him in her life. She didn't care in anything else nor did she believe in any one else. Of all the men she ever met, he never disappointed her or lie to her. It was just easy the way they understood each other's needs.

He nodded absentmindedly taking his shirt out of his pants with one hand to be more at ease, placing the bottle carefully over the counter. He didn't look at her when he answered.

"That makes me feel very special. But I don't mind you finding other interests, you know that. I only want you to be happy."

Vika bit her nails for a minute, then grabbed the plates and put them on the coffee table. She just didn't need anyone else in her life. He was staring at her she realized and she had been so lost in her thoughts she didn't notice. Their eyes met and he could read her like she could read him. Through the bay windows, Sidibe, Warren's boat stood tall and proud in the darkness.

" And I am...I'm fucking ecstatic." She lied, her face tense.

" Vika..."

" I'm just glad you're home. So, how is Catherine?" He shrugged as he opened the bottle.

" I told you she is married…"

" I thought it was a joke. Who would want to do that?" Vika chuckled.

" Vika…"

"She doesn't like me. I don't like her."

"You were disrespectful to her from the first time you saw her. She is an attending , she is a very old-school attending... and she is Catherine Avery. You should be..."

"She was a bitch to you and she rejected you. She forbid you to ever made contact with her or her son and basically erased you from her life on a whim…just to come back years later and be all preachy and self-righteous. She can be the hottest grandma on this planet I don't care... I'm still gonna actively hate her guts. "

She licked her fingertips after the first bite.

"It was more complicated than that."

"You always find mitigating circumstances relating to the behavior of all the crazy women in your life."

Warren nodded.

"I found you some… pretty extenuating circumstances all the time."

"I don't like when she uses you! It's sickening!"

"I don't know why you two can't possibly get along? You share very similar traits. She is one of my best friend whether you like it or not and she offered me a job. I owe it to her to consider her proposal with… an open mind. Also, I needed to be out of town so you could open your birthday gift. In a way, you rocking that OR was all thanks to her!"

Vika's face softened at last.

"I did well, didn't I?"

"You did really well and Kyle was excellent too. I saw the kid. He is getting stronger every day. It's impressive."

"He is amazing… Kyle…I will give him that. He's just brilliant... and it's like it's just effortless to him. His technique is flawlessly precise just like yours."

"Not like me… Kyle is in his own league. That's why I wanted you to work with him."

She licked her lips slowly and stared into his eyes.

"Yes, we did work… between doing other things we're also good at. I'm sure you already know that."

"I know that."

"Good."

"I'm glad everything went according to plan."

"Whose plan, Machiavel? We did have a little incident in the OR... "

"Mine... It was anticipated to say the least."

"Okay, it was a stretch like usual but it worked. We saved a kid. All in all, it was like we've been working together for years."

"I hope it'd feel that way. You're very quick to adapt but more firm and more stubborn than he could ever be. You're dominant by nature. You commend authority in an OR despite your lack of experience. I knew that if the situation turned overwhelming you would be quick to put everyone back to work. "

She nodded.

"Thank you, Sir."

"But you shouldn't get cocky, you still have a lot to learn. You're just a resident. You need a specialty."

"I knew it! You put him up to it..."

"What?"

"You told him... Now this prick thinks he knows me! How could you do this to me!" She snapped angrily.

"I didn't tell him anything I wasn't supposed to tell him. I don't even know what I was supposed to have discussed with him... Why don't you tell me what happened to you?"

"I don't want him in my life."

"Vika..."

"He is a jerk."

"Vika..."

"I'm good. You said it yourself. I work hard. So I'm good at what I do."

"You need a specialty."

"I'm general like you. Teach me."

"I don't practice anymore. There's nothing I can teach you anymore."

"I only care about you. Do you care about me?"

"If caring means letting you waste your potential... I don't. See, if caring means hurting you... I'm okay with that. As long as I know it's for your own good. We went this far Vika..."

"But he is just..."

"End of story. Like I said you're good but you're not good enough."

"Well, I will take the compliment anyway. I did work for it… After all, I had to do a few things for everybody to understand the gravity of the situation."

"Is that a problem I will have to solve tomorrow?" He asked wearily.

Vika shifted from her seat and crawled behind him.

"I didn't put my hands on anyone except on the cops… But it was all rock and roll… It was fair game… I did threaten to dismember that girl…and send parts of her to her parents each anniversary. "

"You told her afterwards you didn't mean it, right?"

"Why would I lie to her?"

"Because it's what normal people do, Vika."

"Would you help me if I did kill…her or anyone? I would help you...kill that man... When you're ready. I would..."

He remained silent for a while.

"We already had that conversation. If you want, if you feel the need to kill anybody, you call me. I will see what I can do. And you must absolutely not kill patients. That's a no-no."

" Lesson learned, Boss."

"Vika..."

"Yes..."

"I missed you."

She smiled.

"And…the graveyard of Great Spirits? I thought it couldn't possibly be true?"

"Well, I learned it's best not to judge too quickly. They have some interesting assets and some very rare stimulating cases…"

"So if Catherine is not the woman who kept you in Seattle for two days. Who is that woman?"

"I'm talking to you about the medical aspect… What makes you think there was a woman?"

"Well, before you were my teacher, before we became all that, I was your therapy. I know you. I know you pretty well..." She whispered softly.

Warren scratched his head.

" I don't even get a name?"

"Chances are… I won't ever see her again."

"...Warren."

"I practiced… It was nothing much..."

"So you can teach me!"

"I can't... It was just a consult…on a case. I was really involved in finding a resolution."

"Was it the case you wanted to solve or her? Was she the case?"

"You know the answer to that…"

"I don't... not really."

" I slept with her last night."

"Alright…"

She smiled and crawled back on the sofa with her sigh.

"I said we both made great progress. "

"We're like broken..."

"I know..."

"Catherine is convinced I'm slipping… That I need a new job. There's certainly work in Seattle Grey Sloane and they are on an ascending slope. They have a good staff, cutting-edge equipment, and some great talents, but no direction."

"And a mysterious lady?"

"Vik..."

"I love her already."

"They're missing the fame and recognition. We have all that but the boards they're getting so greedy. They're old and they have no vision for the future. I'm getting bored here. But that doesn't mean I'm going to live... I'm just..."

"You certainly look different than when you left. There is that light in your eyes. Well, I don't agree with all the usual gibberish the empress of bitchiness spout continuously but she got that right about you. It wouldn't be such a bad idea... Maybe I will find a teacher there that's not Kyle."

"I just told you... It was just hypothetic."

"We could move... Winston will love it... The countryside... Ferry boats... He's never been on one. You know how he loves ocean play."

"You want to put distance between you and Kyle so much?"

"I just... I don't like the way he looks at me."

"Why?"

"Because he looks at me the way you look at me..."

"You know how they get...then...I don't wanna believe him."

"Vika..."

"Shh... I just... want to stay with you forever."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Good."

"Why do I surround myself with women who always want to tell me what to do?

"Because you have mother's issues…" Vika volunteered as she massaged his hair slowly.

"That must be it."

Warren closed his eyes.

"Me, I have daddy issues."

Warren scoffed at that.

"You don't have daddy issues."

Vika smirked mischievously.

"If you say so, daddy?"

She grabbed his jaw forcefully, pulling back on his hair, she kissed him deeply.

The house was quiet with Maggie and the kids being in their rooms already. Arizona had left to go at her girlfriend's house. Alex had left just a minute ago to go home to Jo. Meredith was about to go upstairs and prepare for bed, having done the last of the dishes, when she heard a distinct knock on the door. She looked absentmindedly at her watch. Who could it be at this hour? Alex... Did he left something behind? She looked around before reaching for the door. It didn't look like he forgot anything behind. But to her dismay, she find a hysterical Jackson on her doorsteps.

"Jackson..."

"She is gone. She is just...gone..."


End file.
